Category: abuse

curiosity vs nosiness reddit

Curiosity vs Nosiness: 3 Must-Know Differences to Learn

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‘Want to know how to distinguish curiosity vs nosiness? Here are all the differences you need to know about.

curiosity vs nosiness

People often confuse curiosity for nosiness and vise versa. However, the two are very different.

In this post, you will learn all the differences of curiosity vs nosiness to enable you protect yourself from nosy people.

Once you learn these important life-secrets, you’ll better be able to avoid nosy people and bullies like the plague. Moreover, you’ll feel much freer to let your curiosity guide you to learning new things.

This post is all about curiosity vs nosiness to give you the knowledge to know the difference and to help you guard your own personal life against nosy people.

Curiosity vs nosiness

A fellow blogger and wonderful friend, Kym Gordon Moore, posted about the subject on her own blog. You can find her lovely and insightful post here.

So, what are the differences between the two?

1. Curiosity doesn’t violate anyone’s boundaries.

On the other hand, nosiness does.

In the words of Kym Gordon Moore, “Being nosy is prying into other people’s business, meddling, being intrusive, and snooping, oftentimes gossiping about what they find out,”
“…curiosity is more of a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and not about poking your nose in other people’s business for annoying reasons.”

Her statements were spot on, and I couldn’t agree more!

2. Curious people and those who are nosy do things differently.

In other words, a curious person doesn’t invade others’ privacy. A curious person is more interested in educational information. Therefore, they want to know more about how things work. They could care less about the personal lives of other people.

On the other hand, a nosy person will pry into your personal and private business. Moreover, they do it to get dirt on you to spread around.

A curious person will study educational materials. They won’t stick their nose into your business. However, a nosy person will snoop through your mail and your computer. If they can get access to all your social media passwords, don’t think they won’t do it.

Understand that bullies are such people. Why? Because they’re always and forever on the hunt for damaging information they can use against you.

3. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Nosiness is invasive. Curiosity isn’t.

Nosy people will ask you questions about your personal business. Nothing is off limits to them because they love to make your private business theirs.

Moreover, if you refuse to answer, these people will claim that you have something to hide.
However, understand that this is how your bullies trick you. They use that line to coerce you into giving up the details.

What’s even worse is that you may feel compelled to tell your business just to keep from looking as if you are hiding something. Therefore, you cave in and go against your better judgement.

Again, you only answer the bullies’ questions, just to prove that you don’t have anything to hide and consequently, get yourself into trouble.

So, if you ever find yourself in this predicament, know that your refusal to answer isn’t about having anything to hide. It’s about some things just not being anyone else’s business. Therefore, realize that you have just as much right to privacy as the next person.

Bullies will also accuse you of being nosy when you’re only trying to learn something new.

For example, this happened to me when I was a teenager. During History class, we were studying about World War II. I asked the teacher how it was that the German people fell for Hitler’s lies and all the news propaganda they were being fed.

For some reason, this angered many of my bullies, who were in class with me and they accused me of being nosy. Unfortunately, I fell for the lie and let it have a negative impact on my learning.

Therefore, it’s so important to learn the difference between curiosity and nosiness. Knowing this difference will make you able to counter bullies and busybodies with confidence.

Also, you’ll be able to confidently defend yourself any time some snake accuses you of being nosy when you’re only trying to become more educated on a certain topic.

4. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

They have two different meanings.

Curiosity is a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and broadens one’s education. It includes reading, researching, studying, observing, and listening for information that can make you more intelligent and help you grow.

Moreover, curiosity is non-invasive and non-intrusive. It does not seek to violate personal boundaries nor to cause harm.

Nosiness, on the other hand, is prying in other people’s personal business. It includes meddling, snooping, asking personal questions, and eavesdropping. Nosiness is invasive and intrusive. It seeks to violate another’s personal boundaries and to cause harm to them.

Therefore, learn these differences by heart and you will be better able to counter bullies in any of the above-mentioned scenarios.

5. Curiosity seeks to help. Nosiness seeks to harm.

You may have a nosy classmate who’s never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life. Maybe you deal with the workplace gossip who never shuts up and always seems to know your business before you do. You might even have a spying neighbor across the street who forever peers through her window to see who’s coming and going at your house.

Whatever the scenario, these kinds of people can be a real hemorrhoid if you’re the type who only wants to be left alone and live in peace.

However, here’s the silver lining to having nosy neighbors. If you have a burglar breaking into your house, the nosy neighbor will be the first to see it and call the cops. Therefore, in those cases, thank God for nosy neighbors because they do serve a great purpose!

However most nosy people have no inhibitions when it comes to prying. They’ll ask you how much you get paid at your job. They also try to find out the cost of your rent or mortgage? And when they do, it’ll likely shock the daylights out of you.

However, you don’t have to answer these types of questions. You can politely tell them that they’re was getting too personal. Or, you can say that you don’t share such private information with anyone, not even your family members.

And when you do, they won’t like it. However, that shouldn’t concern you. You have a right to maintain your privacy.

Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Why do bullies pry into your private business?

These types of people have a lot of nerve. The questions they ask will make you cringe! They often leave you scratching your head because you just can’t believe anyone would be so brazen.

However, there’s a reason why bullies ask you these types of questions. They do it strictly for power.

In other words, their gossip, butting-in, and having a constant nose stuck in your life is a form of attempted control. Bullies will often ask you these kinds of questions to embarrass or humiliate you.

Therefore, anybody who openly asks you such questions has no respect for you and you should deal with them accordingly. Also, because they can’t seem to control their own lives, they wish to control yours. And they do it for nothing more than to cause an annoyance or embarrassment.

People who are nosy will watch you closely and eavesdrop on your conversations. They always have an ear cocked. Around them, the walls have ears.

On the other hand, those who are curious will read a lot, they’re study, and they’ll ask questions that do not violate anyone’s privacy.

How should you respond to nosy people who ask questions they shouldn’t ask?

 First off, don’t let it upset you if a bully or anyone else has the audacity to ask you anything about your private business. Instead, just  laugh and make fun of them. And while you’re laughing and making fun of them, enjoy it!

Understand that bullies have more nerve than a bad tooth. Therefore, expect them to pry into your business. Moreover, expect them to openly ask you personal, even embarrassing questions.

You might as well prepare for it now because people like these are everywhere!
Nosiness tends to be generational and run in families.

Many nosy folks were raise by parents who were the same way. Some even had mothers and grandmothers who would tell them to watch others and report back to them.

Therefore, blow them off and wave them away like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your face.

Don’t get angry with them. Just shake your head and pity them. Because it’s these types who really need to get a life and often don’t have one. Or, if you’re a smart-ass like I am, take the opportunity to have a little fun with the person. Just catch it, throw it back at them and shame them with it.

And why not? They asked for it.

On the other hand, you should admire someone who’s curious. Why? Because they don’t intrude. They only have a desire to learn and grow.

This post was all about curiosity vs nosiness so that you’ll be able to tell the difference between the two and use the information to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

4. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

bullied for being autistic reddit

Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

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‘Want to know why people with ASD are bullied for being autistic? Here are all the answers you need to know, especially if you’re on the spectrum or have a loved one who is.

bullied for being autistic

Sadly, those on the Autism Spectrum suffer THE highest rates of bullying. What most people with someone with ASD in the family don’t understand is why their loved one gets bullied so much and so often.

In this post, you will learn the exact reasons people target those on the spectrum for bullying, persecution, and oppression so that you can easily and confidently call it out when you see it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to stand up for your loved one and call out any bully who dares to exploit them in any way.

This post is all about people who are bullied for being autistic. Moreover, it’s about the reasons bullies love to target those on the spectrum and how you can call this insidious and cowardly form of bullying.

Bullied for Being Autistic

Sadly, most people with autism are doomed to a life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they often live a lifetime of loneliness and isolation. Here’s why bullies love to target the autism community.

1. Those on the Autism spectrum aren’t able to read social cues.

This makes them easy targets for predators, particularly, bullies and abusers. When a person isn’t able to read social cues, it’s as if they’re walking blind.

Therefore, the victim may not know when they’re in danger. In other words, they may not be able to tell or to sense when someone is evil and means to hurt them.

This is because the victim on the Autism spectrum isn’t able to read facial expressions and body language. And when you aren’t able to read non-verbal communication, bullies can easily pick up on it.

As a result, bullies will take full advantage. For example, many people on the spectrum are lonely and long to make friends. In fact, they are desperate to have friends.

Bullies pick up on this desperation. Therefore, they will often pretend to be friends with the victim with autism. Moreover, while these bullies put on this fake act to trick the AS person into trusting them, they only mock and ridicule them in front of other people.

They do this to make a fool out of the person and humiliate them.

After this happens enough times, the person with ASD will isolate themselves. Why? Because they’ll grow afraid of relationships and friendships, thinking that other people just aren’t safe.

People who pretend to be friends with you to get close enough to hurt you can shatter your faith and trust in humanity. Therefore, you isolate yourself. You may even resign yourself to a life of isolation.

Therefore, we must teach those on the spectrum to read nonverbal communication, listen to their intuitions, and recognize evil people when they meet them. Again, these skills can be taught!

Let’s teach those with Autism Spectrum Disorder these skills!

This happens in the workplace too.

Adults with Autism often suffer social exclusion and are ostracized by their coworkers. Also, supervisors and managers may exploit them.

Again, being on the autism spectrum dooms many people to a sad and lonely life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they don’t really live, they only exist.

2. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often Have Difficulty Asserting themselves properly.

In other words, when bullies provoke them,  one of two things usually happen. They either don’t stand up to them at all or they fly into a rage.

Not standing up for yourself can give others the impression that you’re a doormat. Moreover, people see that there are no consequences for their bullying behavior. Therefore, they think it’s okay.

On the other hand, flying into a rage can make the person with autism seem mentally unstable or dangerous. Therefore, this is another reason they’re more susceptible to bullying and abuse.

3. Those on the spectrum are known for having meltdowns.

Bullies may witness them having meltdowns and think it’s funny. As a result, bullies begin to see the victim with autism as a source of free entertainment.

Therefore, they may deliberately try to provoke the victim with autism and get them to react so that they can get their jollies.

Here’s another thing bullies may do. They  may also use the meltdown against their autistic victim. For instance, they may use it as confirmation of mental instability.

Moreover, bullies may also use the meltdown to make it look like the person with ASD started the altercation and make themselves look like the innocent victims.

And lastly, bullies will use the meltdowns as a distraction from their own bad behavior.

In other words, if the other person’s behavior is worse and over the top, then, who are you likely to look at? The bullies’ behavior or that of the person who’s flipping out because the bullies provoked them?

Sadly, people use those with autism as the perfect cover for their own abuse and bad behavior. I’ll do another post on this later.

4. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often have poor eye-hand coordination.

In other words, those with autism often struggle with clumsiness. This is because they have poor depth perception and judgement of distance. Also, they usually have poor balance.

Therefore, bullies see them as easy targets for physical bullying. Add that to the meltdowns and rages those with autism are known to have and others only think that the bullies are the innocent victims when, in fact, the opposite is true!

This is what makes them easy targets for physical bullying.

5. Those with Autism often have trouble making eye contact.

Anytime someone has difficulty making eye contact, bullies automatically see this as a sign of intimidation and low self-esteem. Therefore, this is a hallmark of an easy target.

Poor eye contact signals fear and bullies thrive on their victims’ fear. Always remember that!

6. Most People with Autism are in the special Education Class at school.

Kids in sped classes get bullied terribly because most others presume them to be “ret4rded.” Those with autism are no exception.

Therefore, other students see anyone who is in the sped classes to be of lower social status. And bullies will bully them because of it.

7. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People with Autism are Different.

The dark side to human nature dictates that anyone who is different should be excluded from the social group. We know that they should be included and that we should accept those who are different.

However, bullies don’t think like we do and sadly, the majority of bystanders don’t either. People tend to gravitate toward and take care of those who are most like them. Therefore, it’s sad to say that those on the autism spectrum may never fit in with the neurotypical majority.

This alone makes them prime targets for bullying. Therefore, we need to be proactive in protecting them from bullies.

In conclusion:

Sadly, those in the autism community are the most vulnerable and least valued in most schools, companies, organizations, and communities. It’s a grim reality that we all need to be aware of.

Furthermore, they are, for the most part, defenseless. The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of society and even members of authority do not see people with autism as human beings.

Should it be any wonder bullies prey the most on sped students, those with autism, and anyone who is disabled? It’s because bullies are great big cowards. All too often, those with autism are unwilling or unable to defend themselves effectively.

Because students with autism are usually low on social intelligence, bullies can exploit them at will.

Bullied for Being Autistic:

Even teachers aren’t above bullying students on the spectrum.

I’ve witnessed, firsthand, a group of cliquey teachers laughing at and mocking sped students. And these people were supposed to be adults!

These cruel educators would look down their noses at these kids and openly ridicule them!Moreover, I also heard the mean-spirited comments.

The teachers remarked about how these kids would never find a job nor contribute anything to society. They also concluded that they would only be a drain on the taxpayers’ money once they got out of school.

I have to tell you. Just listening to those remarks made me sick to my stomach! How I wish I’d had the guts to stand up for those students when it happened!

However, I was only seventeen and a student myself at the time. I knew to keep my mouth shut because these bullies were teachers.

Every school and workplace has those types of teachers and managerial staff. Moreover, they are usually the ones who mistreat lunch ladies and janitors as well. It’s a crying shame!

This is why we need upstanders who aren’t afraid to stand up for these people. However, sadly, upstanders are only few and far between.

Therefore, we also must teach these victims how to stand up for themselves.

This post was all about those who are bullied for being autistic and why bullies do it so that we can call these bullies out when we see it happen.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

3. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

4. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

target vs victim bullying

Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

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‘Want to know the difference between target vs victim of bullying? Here’s why the words you choose have the power to determine what you are.

target vs victim

Are  you a target or victim? If people have made you an object for bullying, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? Also, could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat?

You may not know it. But, maybe, your voice and your very being are powerful?  So powerful, it scares them to death?

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference of a target vs victim so that you can know which category you fall into and how to empower yourself.

Once you learn this important information, you will be prompted to make a few mental changes and feel more powerful.

This post is all about how to distinguish between target vs victim of bullying so that you can decide which one you’d like to be.

Target vs Victim

Which one are you?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power. In other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Victim mentality only hurts you. It is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you defeated and oppressed. Therefore, it keeps you a “victim.”

1. The term “Victim” Breeds Laziness.

Why? Because it keeps you in the mindset that you are powerless to do anything about your situation. Therefore, if you feel powerless, you’re least likely to try.

Powerless means that, no matter how hard you try, your situation will remain the same. So, you’ll see no point in putting in the effort to bring about change. And you’ll become to lazy to even try.

Therefore, you’ll only resign yourself out of hopelessness and learned helplessness. Resignation can only bring laziness.

Why? Because, when you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality. And you do so by making your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes.

All this requires that you take risks and face the possibility of failure.  And yes! It’s scary!

However, you must create your own happiness and your own power. Whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

2. Target vs Victim:

The word “Victim” keeps you dependent.

In other words, when you’re a victim, you’re at the mercy of someone else. Moreover, it means that another person has to come rescue you. Here’s where dependency comes in.

Therefore, you must be your own hero. When you’re bullied, the only person you can depend on is you! Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to ensure our own safety, happiness, and successes.

3. The term “victim” reeks of inferiority.

When you view yourself as a victim, subconsciously, you feel inferior. It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person and that’s wrong!

Therefore, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! You have more power than you know. Therefore, you can change your situation.

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

You’re not a victim. Yes, you may feel like a victim. But are you really?

This comes from personal experience.

The memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying). However, was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. However, I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours.

Being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But, one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to turn you against yourself.

Why? Because that’s what they want and you deserve better. Much better!

Therefore, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope.

Target vs Victim:

Which would you rather be?

Many people are under the assumption that being a target and being a victim are one and the same. However, they’re quite different and have different meanings.

Notice the difference in the actual meanings between the terms, “target” and “victim.”

A target is a mark you aim at- as in a shooter aiming his gun at targets at a gun shooting range for practice.

A victim is a person or animal who others kill and sacrifice. When someone is sacrificed, they assume the blame and punishment for the sins and shortcomings of others.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Words have enormous power- more so than most realize. Therefore, stop using the word “victim” to describe yourself. Use the word “target” instead.

Being a target is much more empowering than being a victim.

4. There’s no power in being a victim.

A target can defend themselves, whereas, a victim cannot. A victim is powerless to do anything about their situation. There’s no power nor dignity in being a victim.

However, when a person is a target, they maintain some power and dignity. In that, they lessen the impact of the bullying on their mental health.

Therefore, if you can change the way you view yourself and see your bullies exactly for who and what they are, they will have little control over you. Moreover, you’re less likely to allow their words and behavior to get into your head.

Target vs victim:

A target is a mark. a victim is prey.

In other words, a target is a person chosen by bullies as a perceived enemy to attack. On the other hand, a victim is a person bullies harm, oppress, and destroy.

The word victim says that you don’t stand up for yourself. You only capitulate. But the word target says that, although people attack you on a regular basis, you don’t give into fear. Moreover, you stand up for yourself no matter what it may cost you.

Your Choice of Words Can Have Consequences You Don’t Realize

When you view yourself as a victim, you give your bullies exactly what they want. You hand them power over your life.

You, in a sense, surrender yourself. Consequently, you will most likely to suffer physical and/or psychological damage.

On the other hand, when you see yourself as a target, you won’t acquiesce. You’re least likely to take the bully’s behavior personally. Moreover, when you have a target mentality instead of a victim mentality, you buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

Therefore, you salvage your overall mental health. You maintain your personal power. And ultimately, you take control of your life and refuse to allow anyone to make you, their victim.

For example, I’ve witnessed both in movies and in real life, incidences of bullying where the bully would tell the target, “I’m going to make you, my bitch!” In other words, his victim.

This should give you a better understanding of why you should see yourself as a target rather than a victim. Because you are nobody’s bitch! Nope! You’re no bitch at all! You are a fighter, a warrior, a lion!

5. Target vs victim:

Victims surrender. Targets keep fighting!

Realize that your bullies’ goal is to control you. And if you see yourself as a victim, you weaken yourself. Thus, you play right into your bullies’ hands. But when you see yourself as a target and refuse to become a victim, you refuse to allow them to take control over your life.

Therefore, you keep fighting. You stand up for yourself. You may get knocked down, but you don’t stay down. Therefore, you always get back up again.

You’re a Target, Not a Victim!

It’s not my intention to minimize any suffering you’ve endured at the hands of your bullies. Bullying hurts, no doubt about it! And I feel your pain.

So, know that everything you’ve gone through is real. Your story is valid and worthy to be told and heard.

However, I want you to understand this. If you’re the object of bullying, you are a target, yes. However, you don’t have to be a victim.

Victims are scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. Targets refuse to be.

Think about it, victims accept responsibility for things they have no control over. They take blame for evils they never committed nor took part in. And when they carry these burdens that aren’t theirs to carry, they end up paying debts they don’t owe.

Here’s an example. A bully blames his target for his own anger, insecurity, jealousy, and incompetence. And it comes out in the bully’s behavior when he bullies that person. Then later the bully and others may gaslight the target when he speaks out.

Another example would be that a rapist wants to make their rape target responsible for their own sexual frustration. Then, later, the target is presumed to be at fault for the rapist’s behavior by the defense attorneys in court.

However, instead of accepting the blame, both of these people continue to stand up for themselves. This is target behavior.

Victim behavior would be if they surrendered and accepted blame for their tormentors’ behavior.

target vs victim:

A Target Endures Bullying but Refuses to Become a Victim

Sure, people hurl blame at targets just as they do at victims. However, the difference between a victim and a target is that the victim accepts the blame.

Moreover, he blames himself for what happened to him then spirals downhill into depression, regret, and self-hatred. On the other hand, a target refuses to accept the blame because he knows with every fiber of his being that his attackers are the ones in the wrong.

He sees his attackers for the cowards they are. Therefore, he sees the incessant gaslighting as proof that they’re full of shit. Moreover, he understands that they’re only trying to cover their butts to keep from being exposed.

A target won’t allow his attackers to make them a victim!

‘You see? It’s all in how you see yourself. And how you see yourself is determined by the inner dialogue you have. In other words, the words you use have ways of shaping the way you think.

Moreover, the words you speak to yourself are the difference between living in heaven or hell. In other words, they determine whether you have self-love and acceptance or depression and self-loathing.

Words also decide whether you continue to stand strong despite the attacks and pain bullies inflict, or whether you succumb to them.

Therefore, you must see yourself as a target but never a victim!

This post is all about the difference of target vs victim so that you can distinguish between them and chose to empower yourself no matter how difficult bullies make things for you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

empowerment definition

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

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‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode.  Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

 Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

  • Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
  • Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
  • Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

  • When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
  • If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
  • If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

you aint shit song

“You Ain’t Shit!” – 5 Reasons Why Bullies Tell You This

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“You ain’t shit” seems to be the most common go-to attack for bullies. ‘Want to know why they tell you this? Here are the most common motives behind the statement and how you should re-frame it to buffer your self-esteem.

"you ain't shit!"

Any time you show some confidence, it will make your bullies feel uncomfortable. Why? Because it will threaten their power over you. Moreover, if you score a win or accomplish an achievement, your bullies won’t like it. Therefore, your bullies will say something to cut you down to size.

Their favorite go to attack is to tell you that “you ain’t shit.”

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly why your bullies use this phrase. You’ll also learn how to use context to buffer your self-esteem against it and how to counter it.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will better be able to brush it off when bullies use this statement.

This post is all about why bullies like to tell you that “you ain’t shit,” so that you can re-frame it and use it to raise your confidence.

“You Ain’t Shit!”

Introducing Rev. Aldtric Johnson

This post was inspired by Minister Aldtric Johnson of the “Be Blesstified” blog. He is a talented blogger and this is a must read for anyone who is a target of bullying.

Not only is his post packed with truths that we don’t often think about, but it’s also loaded with good humor! I can tell you that not only did I learn a few things, but I was in stitches as I read it! So please take the time to read the post below, you’ll be so glad you did!

In the words of Pastor Aldtric Johnson:
“This is a much too common insult in our culture, and yes, the bad grammar is always intentional…

“You ain’t worth s**t! Of course, implying that someone doesn’t have the value of feces, crap, refuse, doo-doo, dung, ‘ish’. It can be very hurtful if you allow it, especially if you are insecure or struggle with self-esteem. Or, if it’s told to a child by a parent, authority figure or peer.

It’s damage can last well into adulthood. So, let me give you a little ammunition with biblical support in case someone ever tells you, “You ain’t worth shiggity!”

Even Sh*t has value.

God created everything with value. Everything! Even doo-doo! We all know that there’s an industry built around the use of animal dung to make mulch and fertilizer.

Why? Because God put purpose and power, even in poop. Not only does it have value, but great value. People pay good money for a sack of s**t at Home Depot and Lowe’s.

God, in His wisdom gave waste the power to make things grow…so even waste doesn’t have to be wasted.

But, let’s look at the bible. There, we find the ‘S’-word was used for two ‘F’-words…both FERTILIZER and FUEL. Not only did they use it to grow their food, but they used it as fuel/coal to heat their food too.

When Bullies Tell You, “You ain’t Shit,” Look up these Bible verses on the value of crap:

Luke 13:7-8 (NKJV)
7 Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ 8 But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it.

Ezekiel 4:15 (NKJV)
15 Then He said to me, “See, I am giving you cow dung instead of human waste, and you shall prepare your bread over it.”

So, don’t get it twisted. God has value for dung. He has a purpose for poo, and He has a purpose for you.

Feces is used to diagnose illnesses, research for cures for disease, and do scientific research. There’s value in doo doo!

So, if anybody ever tells you that “You aren’t worth s**t,” tell them thank you! Tell them of it’s value. And then, remind them that if they ‘ain’t’ working God’s purpose for their life, tell them “S**t is worth more than you!”

Aldtric Johnson’s Blog – Be Blesstified

Now, here’s my take on it.

So, Why do Bullies Make the “You Ain’t Shit” Statement?

As mentioned earlier, bullies use this statement to cut you down to size. And they do it anytime you win at something and others either announce it or tell them. Also, they may tell you this anytime you show pride in yourself. Also, they do it anytime they overhear you sharing your successes with others.

So, why do bullies spew this ratchet statement?

1. They’re threatened By Your Confidence

Realize that your confidence will always threaten your bullies. Moreover, your bullies will only see your confidence as arrogance. And they will call you arrogant for the sole purpose of shaming you for it to get you to tone it down.

Moreover, they may even call you this to tear down your confidence and demoralize you. Realize that confidence is your first line of defense against bullying. And this is why bullies want to destroy it.

2. To Erode Your Self-Esteem

If  you have healthy self-esteem, your bullies won’t be able to tear you down as easily. Therefore, they throw subtle digs and zingers to chip away at your self-esteem.

Look at self-esteem as an invisible fortress. In order for an enemy to invade and take over, they must destroy the fortress first. It’s the same with bullies. They must destroy your self-esteem before they can invade you and take over your life.

Therefore, they begin by subtle verbal taunts to soften you up.

3. Why Bullies tell you, “You Ain’t Shit”

To Assert Superiority over you

To assert domination over you, your bullies must first cut you down to size. Bullies want to be superior to you. Therefore, they will make this statement to feel more powerful and to make you feel powerless.

4. To Humiliate you in front of others

Have you noticed that bullies will usually tell you this in front of an audience? Understand that they do this to humiliate you and to entertain others at your expense.

Bullying is hurtful enough in private. However, it’s several times worse in public, when there are others around to see it.

5. To Put you in your place

When you succeed at something, bullies consider it an affront to their power over you. Moreover, your win only reminds them of all the things they failed at.

There are reasons why bullies discourage you. And they do it deliberately. Realize that your bullies are more aware of your potential than you are and they are jealous of that potential.

Moreover, these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your confidence and try their hardest to make you ashamed of it so that you’ll tone it down a little.

Bullies know that if they can convince you that having pride in your win is arrogance, they can fool you into suppressing your confidence. In that, they can steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any accomplishments you make will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people aren’t happy. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people do you see sitting or standing around putting others down? Therefore, realize that when they tell you, “you ain’t shit,” they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

And they tell you these things because they want you to believe it! Moreover, they want you to live up to it!

Realize that this phrase usually comes from jealousy.

So, how do you counter your bullies when they tell you, “you ain’t shit?”

Simple, you let it go in one ear and out the other. Or, you can do as Rev. Aldtric Johnson suggested, you can tell them, “thank you.”

Also, look at the context of it. Did you win at something? For example, did you finally accomplish a goal that you’ve worked hard to attain? Did someone give you recognition for a job well done? If so, feel good about it and laugh at your bullies.

Why? Because they’re only saying these things out of jealousy and to keep from feeling inferior to you.

Are you a confident person? Maybe your bullies are jealous of your confidence.

Again, just look at them, smile, and say, “thank you.” Then watch your bullies seethe, knowing they didn’t get the reaction they wanted from you.

This post was all about why bullies tell you, “You ain’t shit,” so that you’ll know where it comes from and buffer your confidence against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

4. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

5. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

what happens when you set boundaries in a relationship

What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

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‘Want to know what happens when you set boundaries? The good and the bad? Here are several things that come about when you finally stand up for yourself. Also, you’ll feel better knowing that the good vastly outweighs the bad!

what happens when you set boundaries

Setting boundaries is always good because it promotes respect among people and makes for a polite society where peace and harmony can exist.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when you set boundaries. Moreover, you will learn the good and the bad tasting (but good for you) results.

Once you learn all about this useful and important information, you will feel more compelled to set boundaries and take back your right to live in peace.

This post is all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can gather the courage to establish your own boundaries and take back your peace.

What happens when you set boundaries?

When you establish boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself that protects you from abuse.  But first, lets discuss the good results.

1. You get to know yourself better.

When you set boundaries, you become much clearer on what you will and will not tolerate. Moreover, you become more familiar with your likes and dislikes. Thus, you get to know yourself better.

2. Your self-esteem will improve drastically

Once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll feel as if you accomplished a huge feat. Because, you will have!

Anytime you set boundaries after you’ve spent so much time not having any, you discover that you’ve made a huge step in taking back your autonomy!

Therefore, your self-esteem will get a huge boost and you’ll feel so much better about yourself. The people who care for you will say, “Look at you! You did it!”

You finally got sick of other people’s bullshit and put your foot down! Moreover, you stood up for yourself and told a few creeps where they could stick it!

That would sure make me proud of myself! And it will you too!

3. Toxic people will slowly disappear from your life.

Bullies and other such losers may challenge your boundaries at first. However, if you continue to stick to your guns and hold firm, they will, over time, give up and move on to an easier target.

Therefore, you’ll take back your peace and live a much happier life!

4. What happens when you set boundaries?

Your overall mental health will improve.

This is because, in setting boundaries, you protect your overall mental health. Therefore, the more you do this, the better for your psychological well-being.

Moreover, your mind will continue to improve over time the longer you continue to keep those boundaries in place.

5. You’ll be more selective in who you allow in your life

In other words, you’ll keep the bullies and abusers out of your life and only invite people who are positive and uplifting. Even better, you’ll do this without apology nor guilt because you’ll know without a doubt that you deserve better.

Now, before we go on, I realize that, in today’s society, people preach and squawk about “inclusion.” However, when people are bullying and abusing you, inclusion shouldn’t even come into it!

And this goes no matter what race, gender, religion, or orientation you or your bully or abuser may claim.

Abuse is abuse no matter who it comes from or who it’s aimed at. Therefore, you have every right to exclude from your life anyone who treats you like a doormat. You have a duty to yourself to protect your peace at all costs!

6. You’ll have more time for your own priorities.

In other words, you’ll make time for your own needs because you won’t allow users to take up so much of your time with their problems. Therefore, you’ll have more time for self-care and to pursue your own goals, priorities, and interests.

7. What happens when you set boundaries? You’ll be more determined not to go back to BS.

Once you taste a life free of bullying and abuse, you’ll be even more determined never to go back to being a doormat. Therefore, you’ll be more compelled to keep your boundaries in place and not allow anyone to stick so much as a toe over them.

You’ve been on both sides of the fence. In other words, you know what it’s like to have people shit on you every chance they get.

On the other hand, you’ve also discovered what it’s like to be treated well. Therefore, you’ll choose the side of greener pastures and never go back to the old life.

What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

6 Tactics Toxic People Use When You Finally establish limits

In movies and television, victims can stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, this is not reality in most cases.

However, don’t let that stop you. Think of it like this. When you’re sick, you must take medicine. The medicine may taste downright disgusting. However, you still must take it if you want to get well and return to optimal health.

It’s the same with setting boundaries. You may endure a lot of discomfort at first. However, you’ll thank yourself later!

With that said, you must realize that bullies and abusers will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back over to you, nor will they bow out of your life gracefully.

Remember that human predators have an insatiable need to wield power over others, and without that power, they feel lost.

Why? Because bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. Also, since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Make no mistake about it. Once you begin setting boundaries, they will do the following:

1. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and toxic people will gaslight you.

They’ll try to convince you that you’re in the wrong or that you’re becoming unhinged. Understand that they do this to make you doubt yourself and keep allowing them to abuse you.

They may tell you that you’re imagining things or that you’re just too sensitive.

Therefore, don’t fall for this bullshit! Don’t allow them to add their spin to make you feel like the bad guy. Know that you’re in the right and continue to stand firm.

2. They will lay guilt trips.

And they’ll do it by trying to convince you that you’re selfish or self-centered for not allowing them to mistreat you. Therefore, understand that bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Stick to your guns, no matter what they say!

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign.

Human predators may recruit followers to spread rumors and lies about you. These people will malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility.

Moreover, expect this to happen many times. Why? Because bullies and abusers are relentless. They don’t give up so easily.

They’re also vindictive. They will do these things out of retaliation for your having the gall to stand up to them and assert your rights.

But don’t give up! Keep your boundaries in place!

4. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and abusers will try to turn your friends against you.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by dividing and conquering. In other words, they try to isolate you by attacking your relationships.

Think about it. Chances are that your friends know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to human predators.

Again, expect your bullies to do these types of things. Moreover, instead of caving in, let their antics prompt you to double down on your boundaries.

5. They will project their shortcomings onto you.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto you?

They will also do this for retaliation and to keep their power over you. Therefore, dig your heels even deeper and fight back twice as hard.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours.

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” Or, more appropriately, “Don’t look at me! Look at her!”

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

However, be resilient and keep your boundaries in place. Because eventually, they’ll give up and move on to someone who’s easier to control.

Understand that it will get worse before it gets better. You will get a ton of push-back and resistance when you first begin setting boundaries.

However, continue to hold firm no matter how hard your predators may make life for you. And know that eventually, they’ll grow tired and move on.

This post was all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can know what to expect and continue to hold firm with toughness and grit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some 

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

signs of low self-esteem in women

Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

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‘Want to know the signs of low self-esteem? Here are all the indicators that your self-esteem is broken and the best ways to repair it.

signs of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem makes for a miserable life. People who have it bypass opportunities that would otherwise improve their lives. Moreover, it can put a strain on relationships.

If you’re a target of bullying who’s self-esteem has been broken by bullies, this is the last thing you need. So, your first step is to know the signs of low self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post you will learn all the signs of low-self-esteem and how to recognize it in yourself and in others. Also, you’ll learn how to correct it in yourself so that you can raise your self-esteem, gather the courage to stand up to bullies, and ultimately, live a more fulfilling life.

Once you learn all this pertinent information, you will be prompted to take the necessary steps to improve your self-esteem so that you can take back control over your life.

Signs of low self-esteem

Let’s jump right into it. What are the signs of low self-esteem? And what can you do to raise it?

1. Lack of boundaries

When you have no boundaries, you let others walk all over you. You allow others to treat you like dirt. You don’t say no or stop when someone abuses you.

However, if you don’t set boundaries, you’ll only attract more bullies and predators in your life. Why? Because predatory people will see you coming a mile away!

Therefore, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. You must understand that this is part of taking care of yourself.

Self-care isn’t selfish and you deserve well-treatment as much as the next person. Moreover, if people lash out at you for establishing boundaries, that’s your cue to ditch these losers and surround yourself with better people.

This will work wonders for your self-esteem

2. People-pleasing behavior

 You can’t please everyone all the time. Therefore, people-pleasing doesn’t score you any points in the end. It only leaves you depleted and exhausted.

Realize that you can’t please everyone all the time and there are time when you must make yourself a priority. So, don’t be afraid to say no when you can’t fulfill someone’s request right away.

Know that there’s nothing wrong with pursuing your own interests when you must. And if anyone has a problem with it, it’s a sign you need to get rid of them.

This is how you place value on yourself. You do it by weeding out the users and abusers who only show up when they need something and get pissed when you’re in the middle of something else and can’t help them right away.

3. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

approval-seeking behavior

What does approval-seeking behavior look like? Here are a few examples:

You change or soften your position when it looks like someone isn’t happy with where you stand. Or, you might give insincere compliments all for the sake of being liked.

Also, you may pretend to agree with someone when you really don’t. These are among the behaviors of approval-seeking and most people see right through it.

Therefore, be true to who you are. Stop pretending to be something you aren’t. People respect those who are authentic and have no time for someone who’s fake.

When you stop seeking approval, you’ll be amazed at what it does for your self-esteem!

4. Shyness/withdrawal

In other words, you avoid social situations because you’re afraid of rejection.

However, if you don’t take risks and put yourself out there, you’ll miss out on possible friendships and rewarding relationships. Here’s another thing to consider.

The best way to get rid of shyness is to take the focus off you and focus on the positives you can bring to others. This is what worked for me and it’ll work for you too.

5. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Fear of conflict

When you fear conflict, you go out of your way to avoid debates and disagreements. This is a close sister to seeking approval and people-pleasing because you pretend to agree when you really disagree.

For instance, you voice your opinion and others look like they disapprove. you notice their discomfort and suddenly change your opinion to line up with theirs.

You only do this to avoid any possible conflict you might have with them. However, if you don’t stay true to yourself, people will notice and they won’t respect you.

You must continue to be yourself even if others don’t like it. This is how you build your self-esteem.

6. Fear of failure

Fear of failure makes for an unsuccessful life. Understand that everyone fails at some point. However, those who keep trying eventually succeed. And they succeed because they keep trying no matter how many times they crash and burn.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to try. Why? Because if you don’t try, you surely won’t reach success. And think about this. You have a much higher chance of hitting your goals if you keep trying. But if you don’t try, you’ll have no chance whatsoever!

7. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Negative self-talk

Thinking things like, “I’m a loser,” or “I’ll never make it,” is negative self-talk. Therefore, if you continue with this inner dialogue, you’ll only motivate yourself to give up easily. Even worse, your self-esteem will sink even lower.

Instead, treat yourself as you would your best friend. Practice positive inner talk. This is how you turn negative thoughts to positive ones.

This may feel awkward at first because you aren’t used to thinking this way.

However, if you practice every day, it will feel less and less weird until it becomes like second nature. Try it! You’ll be surprise at how it raises your self-esteem!

8. Self-Depreciating jokes

You wouldn’t want anyone else to degrade you with jokes. So, why do it to yourself. Again, treat yourself like you would a best friend and watch your self-esteem improve dramatically!

9. Downplaying accomplishments

Any time you minimize your accomplishments and successes, it means that you don’t feel you deserve recognition and praise for them.

Therefore, be proud of your successes and don’t apologize for them. Realize that you aren’t being arrogant when you take pride in the things you’ve done.

When you allow yourself to bask in some of your accomplishments, you raise your self-esteem.

10. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Avoiding Eye Contact

Avoiding eye contact conveys fear and bullies can see this from a mile away! As a result, you become a target to those who wish to take advantage of you.

Therefore, practice good eye contact until it becomes nature. This will immensely improve your self-esteem.

11. Poor Posture

Slouching only shows the people around you that you don’t like yourself very much. And, trust me, they will treat you accordingly.

Therefore, learn to stand up straight with your head up and shoulders back. This is called confident body language and it’ll boost your self-esteem like magic!

12. downcast eyes

Looking down is another indicator of low self-esteem. When you look down all the time, it means that you’re afraid to look others in the eye.

Therefore, you’ll draw bullies and abusers to you instead of healthy, quality people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Therefore, never look down. Always look straight ahead and walk with purpose. These are other ways you can display confident body language and raise self-esteem.

13. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Toxic shame

When you feel toxic shame, you feel worthless. As a result, this can cause feelings of self-loathing and it will only cause you to behave in ways that signal that.

Therefore, if you haven’t done anything to deliberately harm anyone, what are you ashamed of? Take steps to find out where the shame comes from and take steps to get rid of it.

If you’re ashamed of the way you look, change the things you can change and accept the things about yourself that you can’t. It won’t be easy.

However, if you learn to embrace your imperfections, your self-esteem will soar!

14. self-doubt

Self-doubt comes from bullying and abuse. It comes from others who teach you that you can’t make choices on your own without screwing up.

However, realize that those people probably told you these things just to keep you down and steal your power. Once you realize their true motivations, you’ll be more compelled to trust your instincts, your decisions, and yourself.

Moreover, when you begin trusting yourself fully, your self-esteem will improve tremendously!

15. Self-comparison

There are reasons why well-meaning people tell you to never compare yourself to others. It’s because it kills your self-esteem.

Realize that we’re all different and that different people are good at different things. In other words, we all have different talents and gifts.

Therefore, instead of focusing on what they can do better than you, focus on the things YOU are best at! Then practice your talents and show them off.

I guarantee you that your self-esteem will thank you for it!

16. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Trust issues

Whether your trust issues is with your partner or with people in general, it’s not a good sign. In order to have a social life, you must learn to trust other people.

In other words, you must take risks. Realize that encountering a few assholes is a part of life and you should expect it. However, don’t let them cause you to sink into paranoia.

Instead, deal with the bullies and assholes accordingly. Stand up to them and tell them to piss off. Then keep doing your thing!

This is how you keep your self-esteem from tanking.

17. Difficulty accepting compliments

Any time someone gives you a genuine compliment. Tell them thank you. Real compliments are something to be grateful for and they feel good.

However, when you have low self-esteem, you have a hard time taking compliments because you don’t think that you deserve them. Moreover, you may feel that the person paying you that compliment may have ulterior motives.

However, think about this. Most people won’t pay you a compliment unless they feel you’ve earned it. Therefore, accept it with grace, smile, and say thank you.

Then let it repair your self-esteem. I promise you. If you start being grateful for the compliments people give you, you’re likely to get more of them, which will give your self-esteem a huge boost!

This post was all about the signs of low self-esteem so that you can recognize them in yourself and make the necessary change to boost it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

weaponizing mental health reddit

Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

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‘Want to know why bullies are quick with weaponizing mental health? Here are all the reasons bullies use mental health to discredit you and damage your reputation.

weaponizing mental health

Using your mental health as a weapon is probably the first thing your bullies will do when you get fed up and begin standing up to them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about weaponizing mental health and the reasons your bullies use it against you.

Once you learn this must-know information, you will be able to boldly and confidently call it out so that you can protect yourself against it.

This post is all about weaponizing mental health so that you’ll have the knowledge to protect yourself from bullies who use it against you.

Weaponizing mental health

Have you noticed that bullies usually pull the mental health card anytime their victims stop taking their crap? Moreover, have you ever wondered why? Are you one of those people bullies and others have unfairly painted as a mental case? Here are the reasons bullies do this.

1. The mental health label is the easiest and most effective label to stick to you.

Sadly, there’s a lot of stigma around mental health. Moreover, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power. Why? Because it’s the hardest to disprove. This goes double when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Moreover, the “mentally unstable” label is worse than the label, “criminal.” In other words, criminals are treated better than those with mental illness because of the stigma behind it.

Therefore, the mental health label is the most damaging to your reputation.

2. Bullying, especially if it’s chronic, can make a person an emotional wreck.

…and rightfully so. Hence, another reason the mental health label is a clever label for bullies to pin to them.

Understand that the natural human response is to react and defend yourself when attacked. Therefore, people can easily mistake any form of self-defense for mental illness.

when bullies label you as unhinged, it doesn’t mean they actually think you are. In fact, they may know good and well that you aren’t mentally ill.

Remember that bullies are big cowards. Therefore, if they really and truly thought you were loco, they wouldn’t mess with you at all. Moreover, they wouldn’t come near you.

Weaponizing Mental Health:

Bullies abuse you, then use your reaction to their abuse to paint you as someone who’s unhinged.

Instead, they would do everything they could to stay out of your way and avoid poking the bear. They’d go out of their way to be on their best behavior around you. Why? Because they know that a person who’s not right upstairs could rip their heads off and poop down their necks.

In fact, that person could go postal and wipe them all out, then go home and eat a sandwich.
If a person with any common sense knows someone who is factually and utterly batshit nuts, their first instinct is to walk lightly around them.  In other words, they do their due diligence to keep from setting that person off!

Therefore, the mental health label is used to make the person look bad. Again, anyone who’s bullied is likely to be emotional. And who wouldn’t be if they suffered constant bullying?

So, the victim’s emotional reaction to the abuse just makes it easier for bullies to stick that label on them. Put another way, the bullies use the victim’s emotional reaction to their abuse as confirmation that the person really is a nutcase. And sadly, it sticks.

3. To discredit you.

Your bullies are smarter then you think. They know that eventually, you’re likely to get fed up with their crap and either report them or stand up to them. Moreover, you just might expose them and cause them to lose face.

Therefore, your bullies will claim you’re a mental case. And why not? If everyone thinks you’re stark raving mad, who’s going to take you seriously when you report the bullying?

In other words, if you have a reputation of being a nut-ball, the less likely anyone will believe you when you go to them for help.

4. Weaponizing Mental Health:

To Silence and subdue you.

The mental health label does two things. First, it makes you afraid to stand up to your bullies or speak out about their abuse. Secondly, it keeps their reputations spotless why trashing yours

Bullies aren’t clueless. They know that if people think you’re bananas, they won’t believe you. Moreover, they figure that you may make a few attempts to report them, only to be rebuffed. Once enough people either ignore or rebuff you, you’ll eventually grown too afraid to open your mouth.

Therefore, they use the mental health label to shut you up and keep you under control.

Also, you’ll also be too afraid to fight back. Why? Because, if you do, you know that the bullies will only use the label to reverse roles and play victim.

Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor, innocent bullies, or you just threw a temper tantrum and began shouting and cursing people out for no reason. All because you’re just “bonkers.”

5. A mental imbalance is the most difficult to disprove.

In other words, your bullies can never prove you’re mentally unstable. However, there’s no way that you can prove for certain that you aren’t.

Therefore, this is why bullies use this label the most. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Mentally imbalanced” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove a mental instability.

People have a strong tendency to see the worst in others. Therefore, the burden of proof lies with you.

Again, this kind of label is easiest to pin on you. It shouldn’t be this easy. But it is.

6. Weaponizing Mental Health:

Bullies use the mental health label as a last option

In other words, when bullies have nothing on you, they’ll often label you as mentally imbalanced. Again, they may not be able to prove it, but you can’t disprove it either.

7. To make you doubt your own sanity.

If bullies can cause you to wonder if you really are coming unglued, the more likely others are to believe you are.

Therefore, don’t you doubt your mental abilities for a second!

Bullies Don’t Think You’re Mentally imbalanced. They Think you’re weak.

In fact, your bullies most likely know that you’re just as sane as the next person. They also know that you aren’t strong enough to keep them away.

However, here’s another things that bullies also know.

Weakness and helplessness have a certain allure and appeal. And this allure and appeal raises the chances of others coming to your aid. Therefore, your bullies are afraid that others just might feel compelled to come to your aid.

Realize that helplessness sparks a natural tendency to want to take care of the helpless person. On the other hand, people are less likely to help the person they deem loony.

Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, they label you mentally unstable to strip you of the allure and appeal of weakness and helplessness.

Weaponizing Mental Health:

There’s a method behind the label of mental instability

Again, in labeling you a nutcase and making it stick, bullies are better able to avoid accountability. Moreover, if they can dodge responsibility, then they get to continue abusing you freely and with impunity.

Therefore, if you’re aware of the motives behind that label, the better you’ll be able to catch it and counter your bullies with it.

Bullies will often bait you into looking unhinged.

For example, your bullies provoke you into a reaction. Next, others walk in on you as you’re telling your bullies where to stick it. In other words, these so-called witnesses only catch the tail end of the confrontation.

And sadly, they draw the wrong conclusions. Therefore, if this happens to you, understand that this is what your bullies were counting on!!!

Bullies do this all the time to discredit their targets and cover their behinds when they know they’re wrong! Why? Because, if the bully can make you look loony, then who’s going to believe you when you report their abuse?

Moreover, who’ll take you seriously the next time you let the bully have it? They’ll only sigh and think, “Uh-oh! There she goes again! She’s having another mental episode! That person has gone completely batsh**!”

Weaponizing Mental Health:

How to Counter the Mental Health Label

The first and most important way to counter this form of gaslighting is not to fall for it! Simply look them in the eye, and tell them,
“You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong! I’m not going to debate this any further with you!”

Then walk away and leave the bully standing there slack-jawed.

If the bully follows you and asks, “What’s your problem?” don’t explain it to them. They’re not five years old, they already know, and you don’t owe them any more than what’s necessary. The trick is to say as little as possible.

Or, you can simply tell them, “You know what my problem is!”

The bully may continue to follow you and ask, “What did I do to you?” You can then say, “You know what you did! Now get bent!”

Don’t beat around the bush. Get to the point and say it like you mean it. Be firm but don’t yell (yelling makes you look like a basket case).

The bully may not change their ways and their attitude toward you. But I promise! You’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing that you put your foot down and looked less “unstable” to any bystanders!

‘Funny How Bullies Magically Become Board-Certified Shrinks.

Moreover, they can do it overnight, without reading a single word out of a psychology textbook. As we all know, bullies are legends (or Doctors of Psychology) in their own minds and they only make themselves look dimwitted when they “diagnose” anyone they cannot manipulate.

Weaponizing Mental health and the use of Pop-Psych.

This little phenomenon is called “pop-psych,” and, in all it’s entitlement (and embarrassment), empowers bullies to conduct, “remote analyses” while holding little to zero education in the field of Psychology.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying whom bullies have diagnosed, you can counter these accusations of insanity by reading a basic psychology 101 textbook, then asking your bullies questions that challenge the narrative.

Let’s use the scenario below as an example:

Jack: “Don’t hang out with Jill. She’s nuts.”

Kelly: “Nuts? That sounds like a pretty serious accusation. Nuts in what way?”

Jack: “Uh…I don’t know. Like schizo or something.”

Kelly: There are five categories of schizophrenia, which one do you think she falls into?”

Jack: “Uhhhhh…paranoia?”

Kelly: “I’ll have you know that paranoia is a common trait in many psychopathologies.”

Jack: “Uhhhh. I dunno. She’s talking about people talking about her and thinking they’re after her or something- that’s nuts.”

Kelly: “Jack, have you ever considered that possibility that Jill may be a target of bullying?”

Jack: “Oh, no! We’re not allowed to talk about that.”

Kelly: (Rolls her eyes and scoffs at Jack, then walks away.)

When bullies use pop-psychology, they do it out of ignorance and entitlement. They use mental health and mental illness as a weapon and end up making themselves look ignorant.

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The more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

Therefore, calmly call this out and keep your wits about you. Also, continue showing your bullies up through your calm behavior.

It may take a while, but eventually, the label does get old and wear itself out. And when that happens, it will lose it’s effect.

This post was all about Weaponizing mental health so that you can know why bullies do it and what it’s designed to do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

3. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

4. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

5. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

benefits of setting boundaries at work

Benefits of Setting Boundaries

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‘Want to know the benefits of setting boundaries? It just may surprise you. If you only knew what those advantages are, you’ll definitely be more motivated to establish limits with others

benefits of setting boundaries

When you set boundaries, you communicate to people what you will and will not tolerate from them. Also, you let them know what consequences they can expect if they violate those boundaries.

Anytime you establish boundaries, chance are that people will understand where your limits are and they’ll likely adapt their behavior. However, people who are human predators won’t acknowledge your boundaries and may even see them as a challenge.

In this post, you will learn all the benefits of setting boundaries. Also, you’ll learn how to deal with people who refuse to respect those limits.

Once you learn about all this essential life-tips, you will be more compelled to set boundaries without fear nor guilt. Moreover, you’ll be brave enough to stand up to those who cross the line.

This post is all about the benefits of setting boundaries and how to enforce those boundaries so that you can live a peaceful life without any disruptions.

The Benefits of Setting Boundaries

So, what are the benefits of setting boundaries?

1. You get to know yourself better.

In other words, you have a greater sense of identity. You won’t be afraid to be yourself.  Moreover, you’ll know who you are and what you want. And there’s so much more that comes with it.

You get to know your likes and dislikes and, more importantly, the things you will and will not tolerate.

When you finally come to know yourself, the level of self-acceptance will be off the charts! You’ll learn to embrace your own thoughts, beliefs and convictions.

In that, you realize that everyone is different and no two people are the same. Therefore, you give yourself permission to also be different. Moreover, you’ll be okay with making mistakes. Let’s face it, we all make those!

This is such sweet freedom!

2. You begin loving yourself more.

The more you love yourself, the least likely you are to put up with anyone’s BS. Moreover, you’ll least likely be afraid to go after what you want.

This could be a great paying job or better relationships.

Also, you’ll be less likely to worry about what others think of you. Why? Because you’ll know that you’re a great person no matter what anyone else says.

Loving yourself means treating yourself well. And how you treat yourself defends on how you let others treat you. Boundaries (or lack of) are the way you teach others how to treat you.

Moreover, they signal to others whether or not you respect yourself. And if you don’t give yourself respect, chances are that no one else will either. Instead, they’ll only use you as a doormat.

Therefore, once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll learn to love and respect yourself more. As a result, others may adjust their attitudes and behavior and begin giving you respect.

Do you know what the best part is? You’ll be willing to drop anyone who sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And you’ll do it without guilt.

Therefore, you’ll earn respect not only from yourself but others as well.

3. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You Skyrocket your confidence and self-esteem.

In other words, you’ll like yourself. You’ll also have a better attitude about life and the world around you. Also, self-doubt won’t even be an issue. Instead, you’ll trust yourself to make the right life-choices.

You’ll be confident in your abilities and in your effect on others. In turn, those around you will be more confident in you. The best part is that , you’ll be okay with your flaws and limitations. Therefore, others most likely won’t pay attention to them either.

Moreover, you’ll believe in yourself and know without a doubt that you can get to anywhere you want to go. And if anyone tries to tell you that you can’t do something, you’ll be that much more determined to get it done!

You won’t allow bullies to plant seeds of doubt in your mind.

Instead, you’ll only deep your heels in deeper and double down on your efforts to complete your goals. You’ll use your bullies, haters and naysayers as your rocket fuel! And you’ll put in the work and overcome the obstacles to attain that goal.

When you raise your self-esteem, you won’t fear taking on new challenges and trying new things. In fact, you will be excited to do so!

And lastly, you will know your worth and have a deeper sense of security!

4. You’ll Reduce your stress levels.

Life won’t stress you out as much because you’ll be more relaxed. In other words, you won’t let life’s little annoyances get to you. As a result, you’ll be more successful at solving problems.

In other words, you’ll be able to work through adversity and stare trouble in the face. You’ll even have patience because you’ll be confident that everything will work out eventually.

Social anxiety will be a thing of the past because you will be comfortable in your own skin. Again, this comes from not caring what others think of you.

5. Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

You’ll increase your productivity.

Your productivity will automatically rise because you’ll be able to make time to work on your own goals. You’ll use that time wisely, making every second count.

At the same time, you’ll allow yourself rest periods and avoid overworking yourself. And you’ll put your priorities first, then take care of others.

6. You’ll value your solitude a lot more.

In other words, you won’t be afraid to be alone. Why? Because you’ll understand that being alone doesn’t be being lonely. Instead, you’ll value solitude because you’ll be able to focus on your tasks and get more done.

7. You’ll be able to focus more on your goals.

Again, when you set boundaries, you will accomplish more because you’ll have higher mental focus.

8. You’ll enjoy better relationships.

Why? Because because others will more likely respect your boundaries. Moreover, you won’t be afraid to get rid of those who don’t.

Therefore, you’ll have less bullies, abusers, and users in your life.

And the best part is that you’ll attract even more healthy people into your life. Remember that like attracts like.

9. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You’ll keep your circle small.

In other words, you’ll be satisfied with only a handful of friends. Popularity will no longer matter to you.

To you, quality will matter more than quantity. Therefore, you’ll enjoy relationships that are much more rewarding!

10. You’ll take care of your health and hygiene.

You’ll make it a point to shower or bathe regularly. Moreover, you’ll eat well and make sure to exercise to maintain your strength and endurance.

You’ll also get plenty of rest. You’ll be sure to dress your best and look your best. Why? Because when you look good, you feel good!

You’ll also give yourself permission to take breaks from tasks if you need to.

11. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You won’t be afraid to enforce those boundaries.

Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing them is another.

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, you understand that once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

And you’re not afraid to do that. In fact, you’re willing to take that risk to protect your peace of mind.

When you do, no amount of guilt trips or manipulation will sway you. You warned them, they didn’t believe you, and you realize that the only way they’ll take you seriously is to make believers out of them.

Therefore, you’ll do what you have to do to let the creeps know that you mean business. You’ll be willing to impose consequences, whether through fisticuffs or sending their butts to the door and telling them never to come back.

12. Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

You’ll have improved mental and emotional health.

Because you enjoy healthier relationships with people who love and respect you and you score accomplishment after accomplishment, your emotional and mental health will drastically improve!

Put all these things together and your life can only improve!

In conclusion

Setting boundaries is important for a happy and peaceful life. Therefore, you must not be afraid to keep the bullies and jerks out. Remember that you have one life to live and it’s way too short. Therefore, love yourself enough to do what you must do to protect your peace.

Stop allowing yourself to be a dumping ground for other people’s problems. Take care of yourself. Focus on your goals and priorities. And more importantly, set boundaries and reap the rewards that come afterward!

This post is all about the benefits of setting boundaries to motivate you to set your own and take your life back.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

when you start seeing your worth as a human being

When You Start Seeing Your Worth,17 Amazing Changes Happen.

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‘Want to know all the amazing things that happen in your life when you start seeing your worth? Here are all the life changes you need to know.

when you start seeing your worth

Once you realize your worth, magical things begin to happen in your life. Amazing things you never thought possible!

In this post, you will learn all the awesome benefits that come when you start seeing your worth.

After you learn all these advantages, you will begin your journey to discovering just how much you’re loved and that you have a good purpose for being here.

This post is all about the amazing benefits you’ll see when you start seeing your worth so that you’ll be inclined to do the inner work and value yourself as a human being.

When You Start Seeing Your Worth

So, what happens when you start seeing your worth?

1. You refuse to have anything more to do with people who don’t.

 Sadly, when you’ve suffered bullying, your self-esteem has taken a beating. Therefore, it’s too easy to feel you must cling to people who could care less about you.

However, once you begin seeing your worth, you begin weeding out all those who use and abuse you. You refuse to say around people who only tolerate you. This is because you value your time and some people aren’t worth one second of it!

Therefore, you refuse to make time for those who talk down to you or use you.

By kicking out the losers, you make room for better people to come into your life. In short, you start placing less value on the quantity of friends and focus more on quality of friends.

Therefore, you finally attract friendships that are fulfilling.

2. You stop settling for less than what you know you deserve.

In other words, you raise your standards.  Not only are you selective of the people who come into your life. You begin applying for better jobs, and buying products of higher quality.

Moreover and most importantly, you command better service and better treatment. Therefore, you attract healthier people.

You accept nothing less than the best because you know you’re worth it!

3. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to be alone.

You come to a place where you’d rather fly solo than put up with shoddy treatment. Moreover, you actually like being alone and prioritize your “me time” to relax and recharge.

Here’s another thing. You don’t toil over being single. You’re just as happy without a mate as you would be with one. Therefore, you’re willing enjoy your singleness until the right person comes along.

And when you get to where you enjoy your solitude, that’s when you know you’ve grown!

4. You begin loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away from toxic people.

In other words, you’re no longer afraid to let go of fake friends and posers. And this goes even if a few of them happen to be those you love. And when you do let them go, you do it without concern over the outcome.

Moreover, you drop these people without guilt. Why? Because you know that it pays to be nit-picky of those you allow into your life.

5. You no longer give a damn what others think or say of you.

In other words, you’re not the least bit concerned with opinions. In fact, you actually embrace any dislike a few people have for you. Why? Because those people will no longer matter to you.

When you don’t care what other people think, you’re not afraid to put yourself and your needs first. Why? Because you realize that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Therefore, you don’t feel guilty because you know that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

6. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to set boundaries.

This means that you have the guts to say “no” to things you don’t want. And when you say it, you mean it.

You’re also not afraid to stand up to people who cross the line with you. In fact, you’re willing to put on your bitch-face when the situation calls for it.

You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. You realize that respect is a two-way street. Therefore, you live by the mantra that others aren’t entitled to your respect. They must earn it!

7. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Why? Because you know that mistakes are your best teachers. Therefore, you’re willing to learn from them. You also realize that no one is perfect. And that’s it’s okay.

8. You’re comfortable in your own skin.

In other words, you embrace the good, the bad, and downright ugly parts of yourself. You continue to feel beautiful whether you’re dressed in an evening gown or in your tee shirt, jeans and sneakers.

9. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re willing to take risks.

Why? Because you’re not afraid to fail. You know that if you do, you can always try and try again. Also, you know that if you try for long enough, you’ll eventually succeed.

So, you don’t quit. You keep going.

10. You look on the bright side.

In other words, you try to see the positive side to bad things that may happen. You may fail at doing this from time to time. However, you, at least search for the good side.

Therefore, your confidence doesn’t take such a big hit when things go wrong.

11. Your confidence goes through the roof.

In other words, you don’t fear rejection nor ridicule. Why? Because you realize that you’re just as good as the next person.

Again, you’re also not worried about who does or does not like you. Why? Because you like yourself, even if a few others don’t.

Therefore, you look forward to meeting new people.

12. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re a go-Getter.

In other words, if there’s something you want, you work hard for it. And you don’t stop until you get it.

If there are any roadblocks, you look for a detour. If you have setbacks, you keep working hard and power your way through it.

13. You work on your goals and follow your dreams.

If you have a dream, you aren’t afraid to strive for it, no matter how long it takes. Though haters and naysayers may try to discourage you, you pay them no mind.

Why? Because you see through the haters. You realize that their negative words only come from a place of jealousy. Moreover, you know that they’re only speaking from their own worldview.

Instead, you keep working toward your goals and dreams until you reach them.

14. You have nothing to prove to others.

You realize that the only person you must prove anything to is yourself. Therefore, you no longer feel the need to try to be someone you aren’t. Why? Because you know that your value is there even if others can’t see it.

you don’t waste time begging for approval. Moreover, you refuse to hang on to people who aren’t really your friends.

Therefore, you don’t waste your precious energy trying to impress those who aren’t worthy of you.

15. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You realize your potential.

You know who you are and what you’re made of. In other words, you are aware of your potential and the heights you can rise to.

You believe in yourself even if others don’t. And that’s what makes you so badass!

16. You’re not afraid to be yourself.

Therefore, you’re not afraid to be silly sometimes. In fact, you’re outgoing and others notice it.

Being fake takes too much work and you’re much too lazy to be fake. Therefore, you’re authentically you and it shows.

Moreover, you understand that fake personalities only draw in fake friends. you also know that to weed out toxic people requires you to be yourself.

In that, you keep the creeps at bay and make it a point to live life to the fullest.

17. When you start seeing your worth:

You give Yourself the best gift of all – Freedom!

Knowing your worth means self-acceptance. In other words, it means being okay with yourself, warts and all! Moreover, it’s giving yourself permission to feel those raw emotions any time some creep pisses you off.

Seeing your worth means freedom! The freedom to be human! To be you! And to celebrate yourself!

Therefore, get to know your worth and your life will change for the better!

This post is all about the life-changing things that begin to happen in your life when you start seeing your worth. Put simpler, it’s about the benefits you’ll reap once you do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

2. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

3. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

6. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

bullying and banter examples

Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

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‘Want to know the differences between bullying and banter? Here are the most common distinctions you need to know about.

bullying and banter

In many situations, it’s tough to know the difference between bullying and banter. Are they laughing with you or at you? You may wonder.

In this post you will learn how to tell the differences between bullying and banter. Also, you’ll learn how to respond to bullies who try to make their bullying look like harmless fun.

Once you learn all these characteristics and how to tell them apart just by experiencing them, you will be better able to defend yourself when bullies try to disguise their abuse as teasing.

This post is all about the differences between bullying and banter and exactly what you can do to counter it.

Bullying and banter

“Can’t you take a joke!”

Bullies are notorious for that line when targets speak out and call them out on their abuse. It’s the most manipulative and dangerous, and popular excuse for crappy behavior.

Why? Because it uses social pressure to make you out to be a party pooper who doesn’t know how to relax and have a good time.

In other words, bullies use this old, worn-out comeback to cover themselves. Also, they employ this tactic to dupe bystanders and witnesses into believing that the abuse was just playful banter.

What’s worse is that it makes you look and feel like some dysfunctional whiner who’s just too sensitive and needs to lighten up.

But how do you know the difference between bullying and banter? Here are your answers:

1. There’s a power imbalance

With bullying, there’s always a power imbalance, and harm is intended. Also, the relationship is always harmful and abusive.

On the other hand, there’s no power imbalance with banter. In other words, each person is always on equal social footing with each other.

Banter is done strictly among friends, family members- people with equal power. There’s no harm intended, and people who exchange banter have a positive and fulfilling relationship.

2. In banter, people respect you enough to stay away from your “no-go zones”

Your “no-go zones” are often called your hot buttons or triggers. These are things that you’re insecure, embarrassed, or ashamed of.

Also, they can be any adverse experiences you’ve had in the past.

In banter, people know to stay away from those areas and won’t bring them up. Moreover, banter is never threatening to the other person.

Whereas, if it’s bullying, bullies will deliberately zero in on things they know you’re insecure about and will only continue to bring them up in front of an audience when they see that you’re upset.

3. The Difference between bullying and banter:

It all comes down to how it makes you feel and your relationship with the other person! 

If nothing else, know this! Anyone you have a negative or hostile relationship with does NOT get the privilege to banter or joke with you! Ever!

Understand that banter is only reserved for the people you feel good about! Because they know your triggers and remember never to go near those tender areas!

4. Always read the person’s nonverbal body language

If the person is smirking and snickering instead of genuinely smiling and laughing out loud, that’s a sign of contempt, and it’s more than likely bullying instead of banter.

Sadly, anytime the bully plays the “Can’t-You-Take-A-Joke” card, it’s too easy for you to get caught off guard. This often leaves you speechless or paralyzed with humiliation.

Many victims end up so upset they walk away feeling indignant. Why?  Because it’s sometimes difficult to adequately address the bully’s comeback without them gaslighting you and making you feel even lower!

How to Address This Kind of Bullying

Therefore, here is the perfect way to clap back at a bully who claims to be playing or joking. And, once you do this, you’ll walk away feeling great about yourself and that you handled it like a boss!

Bullying and Banter – Bullies Don’t get to Banter with you!

Shut them down by saying:

“Only my friends can joke with me like that! You’re not my friend, so you need to back off!”

Or,

“Newsflash! I don’t like you! You’re not my friend! So, you don’t get to say that, I don’t give a __ if you’re playing or not!”

And say it like you mean it! Then watch the bully pathetically slink away with their tail tucked between their legs! It has worked for me, and it’ll work for you too!

Harmless teasing,  playful banter, and comedy are all okay with people you feel good around. Sadly, it’s something that seems to be dying out today.

Too many people get triggered anymore by anything. And bullies seem to be the very people who are easily triggered and are constantly looking for something to get offended over.

However, there’s a difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes. It’s normal to be offended over cruel jokes because they can be harmful.

Bullying and Banter:

What’s the difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes?

1. Cruel jokes poke fun of things you’re insecure about, such as your height, weight, nose and ear size, and other hot spots.

Harmless teasing stays away for those hot spots.

2. Cruel jokes continue even after you express hurt and discomfort.

Harmless teasing immediately stops if there’s even the slightest hint that you’re uncomfortable with it.

In short, harmless teasing is harmless and done all in good fun. Cruel jokes, on the other hand, can be damaging to a person’s self-esteem and should be avoided.

Bullying and Banter:

Are they laughing with you or at you?

Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. Also, in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them.

Make this mistake and it can cause a rift between you and someone who’s a well-meaning friend. This is the last thing you want!

So, how can you tell whether someone is laughing with you or at you?

Here’s how:

1. Laughing with you

There’s always eye contact.

In other words, the person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing. Moreover, you have a good relationship with the person and there’s no power imbalance. In other words, the person sees you as an equal and you know it.

Laughing at you

There’s absolutely no eye contact.

In fact, the person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing. Also, you do not have a good relationship with the person. There may or may not be bad history between you and the person.

Therefore, here’s your cue to tell this person that if they think it’s a joke, it’s not and that they need to step all the way off!

2. Laughing with you

The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.

Laughing at you

The laughter usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker and snort. Some may cover their mouths while snickering.

Again, now’s the time to tell them to get bent.

3. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.

Laughing at you:

On the other hand, the person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.

Therefore, have nothing more to do with them.

It also depends on context.

4. Laughing with you

The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.

Laughing at you

There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh.

The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or foolish, or because there’s anything wrong with you. Instead, they’re laughing at you to bring you down.

Moreover, they’re doing it to boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.

Therefore, tell this person exactly where they can go!

5. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.

Laughing at you

The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.

In conclusion:

The sooner you recognize these differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people. Moreover, the quicker you’ll be able to enjoy more rewarding relationships.

This is because you’ll be better able to recognize and avoid those who wish to inflict emotional harm. Moreover, you’ll have the confidence to stand up to them any time they get out of line with you.

And when your relationships flourish, just imagine the fun you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you and how much better you’ll feel when you do!

This post was all about how to recognize bullying and banter so that you can respond appropriately and preserve your personal dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

bullying within the family

Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

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‘Want to know how to protect yourself from family bullying and keep peace in the family? Here’s how to preserve your dignity while keeping down the drama.

family bullying

A school or workplace bully is hard enough to deal with. However, dealing with one in the family is an entirely different animal. It’s much worse because it’s a relative and there are ties to them. So, how do you go about refusing a family bully while preserving harmony among the members?

In this post, you will learn the best ways to buffer your self-esteem from the onslaught of bullying in the family and keep the peace.

Once you learn about all these methods, you will better be able to stand up to the bully, preserve your mental health, and save everyone else in the family a ton of drama.

This post is all about family bullying and what you can do to preserve peace not only for yourself but for the entire family.

Family bullying

Family bullying is much more common than most realize. Even the closest of families have that one person who loves to target a certain relative and create drama for everyone. This is a person who’s loud, obnoxious, rude, and can ruin many family outings and shindigs.

I can safely say that I’ve been lucky in this aspect. I’m extremely close to my family members and, in turn, they feel a closeness to me. Moreover, I’ve managed to avoid landing in the sights of the family drama queen/king.

However, from the many stories I’ve heard and articles I’ve read, many people aren’t as blessed.

Christmas is a time of joy and cheer. It’s the season of love, unity, and giving. From Christmas dinners, to gift exchanges, to playing fun games like “Bad Santa,” it’s the time of year when we spend the most time with our families.

However, with the coming holiday season also comes nervousness for many victims of bullying. Targets of a family bully are probably ringing their hands, wondering what to do should a situation arise during Christmas dinner.

Moreover, they’re wondering how they can stand up for themselves without subjecting all the relatives to one big shit show.

If you’re one of them, here are the best ways to refuse a bullying situation during family get-together without ruining a good time.

9 Tips You can use to Protect Yourself and the family from “That One” Relative.

1. Distance yourself from the family bully

Distancing yourself from the troublemaker can work wonders. This means sticking close to other relatives. For example, if it’s your mother who’s hosting Christmas dinner or any other shindig, you could stick close to her by helping her prepare the meal.

Helping with the preparations is one of THE best ways to protect yourself from the family bully because of three things:

1. You’re too busy helping to pay attention to any taunts and verbal assaults.

2. You’re raising your self-esteem by helping out because you’re making yourself useful to your mom. Moreover, you probably noticing the smile on her face as you make things easier for her. It’s psychologically rewarding when you’re able to help relieve someone else’s work and stress.

3. You’re the one helping Mom while the provocateur is standing around running their mouth and trying to stir up drama.

Therefore, you’re allowing the person to expose themselves and make a complete fool out of themselves without knowing it. Pretty good, huh?

2. How Handle Family Bullying:

surround yourself with other relatives who respect you.

Most bullies like to catch their victims alone. Therefore, when you surround yourself with other people who lift your spirits, you deter your harasser. Why? Because the last thing the instigator wants is to look like the bad guy, or worse, have someone else defend you against them.

Moreover, having other people who lift you up and like to have fun is a powerful distraction from the bully and their evil games. You’re too busy having fun with the other family members to give a hoot about the bully and their childish behavior.

Though this may cause the instigator to harass you even worse later, you’re enjoying yourself and the other relatives. Moreover, you’re turning what could be a showdown into a pleasant time for not only yourself but for everyone present.

3. To minimize the effects of family bullying, Defuse the provocateur’s behavior with humor.

In other words, when the instigator calls you a name or makes a derogatory statement toward you, make a joke of it. Or, you can just laugh about it.

Whichever route you choose, you’ll take the wind out of the bully’s sails. Also, the other relatives will get a chance to see just how calm, cool, and collected you are.

Moreover, you’ll expose the harasser for what they truly are and make them look like a fool.

4. avoid being alone with the family troublemaker.

Bullies love to catch you alone to intimidate you. Also, they thrive on silence and secrecy. They will catch you alone and insult you so that later, they can go to the other relatives and lie about you behind your back.

Not that they probably don’t do that anyway. However, if other relations happen to see you alone together, the more likely they are to believe the falsehoods. Therefore, avoid being caught alone and stick close to the others so that this has less chance of happening.

As mentioned in number one, busy yourself helping out around the house. This works wonders!

5. Another way to handle family bullying is to bring another family member to the festivities with you.

Rather than arriving at the holiday celebration alone, bring another family member with you or allow them to bring you. Again, being alone invites bullying but when you’re with someone else, chances of it goes way down.

When you’re with another family member, you’re not as vulnerable. Moreover, the instigator is less likely to mess with you.

Moreover, stick with that family member if you must. Your goal is to keep down any drama and, at the same time, protect yourself.

6. calmly call out their behavior.

This means calling out the troublemaker’s behavior by name.

 To call out bullying and abuse by name means knowing all the terms that are related to them. In other words, you must know terms such as “gaslighting,” “projection,” “distraction,” “defame,” “shaming,” and other such words. You must also know their meanings.

Knowing the names of the bad behavior the bully exhibits will help you call the bully out in a much more clear and intelligible manner. In other words, you won’t seem like you’re rambling.

Moreover, you will be much calmer and more at ease than you would be if you were desperately trying to find the words to describe this person’s actions.

If you haven’t yet learned all the words that describe different tactics of bullying and their definitions, it’s best that you learn them and know them by heart.

The last thing you won’t is for the bully to come back with something to make you look like the bad guy. Knowing this information lessens that likelihood.

7. Handling family bullying also means Refusing to fall for the silent treatment.

Many manipulators employ the silent treatment to get back control of their victims. This is a form of emotional manipulation. Therefore, don’t let it get to you.

The trick is to not care what they do. Or, you can look at the bright side of the silent treatment and welcome it.

In other words, see the silent treatment as the reprieve you’ve been looking for. This is the best way to turn the tables on the dealer of this type of humiliation.

The silent treatment can be a good thing because it means not having to listen to the instigator’s big mouth and the garbage they spew forth.

In other words, when people are avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them being under your butt or in your face all the time. Nobody bothers you, so that’s a huge plus!

Also, enjoy it while it lasts, because once the person catches on that you either don’t care or enjoy the silence, get ready for them to really act out. Therefore, ask yourself this. Who’s really in control, them or you?

So, who’s the one whose really in control here? You or them?

8. watch YOUR CHILDREN.

Sometimes, the bully will get their children to tease your kids. Therefore, keep an eye out. If the troublemaker’s children tease yours, calmly separate them from the other person’s kids.

9. leave and make other arrangements.

If all else fails. It’s best to leave and make other arrangements. Without you, the bully doesn’t have a target. Moreover, you can arrange a Christmas party at your home and invite the family, sans the troublemaker, of course.

And when they come to your place, host the best party for them that you can. After all, they’re your family and they deserve to have the best time you can give them.

So, be a good host/hostess for them.

This post was all about family bullying and what you can do to protect yourself and keep peace among your relatives.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

what constitutes bullying and harassment

What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

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‘Want to know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Here are several examples of what it is and what it isn’t.

what constitutes bullying

It’s important to know how to distinguish bullying from incivility, differences of opinion, or healthy arguments and debates. Why? So that you can better point it out when you see it and without any confusion.

As someone who was a victim of bullying in the past and has researched it for almost thirty years, I’m giving you several examples of what is and isn’t bullying.

You will learn exactly what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t.

Once you learn these differences, you will be able to pinpoint a bullying situation more accurately and with less difficulty than before.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can know if people are, in fact, bullying you or if you’re witnessing someone else being bullied.

What Constitutes Bullying

People use the term “bullying” so widely today. In fact, many misuse and abuse it. People throw the word around loosely, sticking it’s label to situations that do not fit its use.

In other words, many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they don’t like. Moreover, people also mistakenly call anyone who disagrees with them “a bully.”

As a result, this has caused so much confusion as to what is bullying and what is only rudeness, argument, debate, being a jerk or voicing an individual opinion.

Therefore, I feel an obligation to point out the definition of bullying and to clarify what truly is and is NOT bullying.

The Definition of bullying:

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

In other words, bullying is unwanted aggression that is repeated, over a long period of time, against the same individual target or targeted group because of an imbalance of power.

What constitutes bullying: Bullying has 5 Characteristics.

1. Power imbalance.

Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power, with the bully usually having more power than their victim. For example, bigger bullies in school ride roughshod over victims much smaller. The power these bullies have over their victims is size and physical strength.

Another example would be the tyrannical manager at the office or a brutal county sheriff. The power the manager holds over his victim subordinates is his position in the company.

Moreover, his power is the fact that he holds their ability to feed themselves and their families in the palm of his hand. Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.

It’s the same with the bad sheriff. His position in the county government is his power and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.

So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim innocence? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.

Therefore, bullying always involves a power imbalance. Also, the bully is ALWAYS the one with the most power.

2. Repetition.

The bullying aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods of time (anywhere from several weeks to several years). And because bullying goes on over time, it also escalates if it goes unchecked.

3. What Constitutes Bullying:

Seeks to do harm.

Bullying seeks to deliberately hurt it’s victims. It not only harms them physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.

4. It targets the same victim.

Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment either by relocation, transfer, or death.

5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).

Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the bullying environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.

Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period.

What constitutes bullying and what doesn’t

 

Bullying is often confused with:

1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates

Disagreements aren’t bullying because everyone disagrees- couples, siblings, parents may disagree with children and do, quiet often.

In other words, someone who doesn’t agree with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds and belief systems.

Though it doesn’t always feel good when someone disagrees with us, it still isn’t bullying.

However, it would become bullying is if you begin repeatedly singling out the person who disagreed with you and launched a two-month-long string of ad homonym attacks. Then you would be the bully for doing that.

Therefore, we must learn to accept each other’s differences.

2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.

This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies.

For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them if what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

However, if the person continued this behavior for a length of time and smeared the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against her, then yes! It is bullying.

3. What constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Misunderstandings

Here’s another example. If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely.

Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now,  what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

Then, the answer is yes! He would be a bully. Because he would be using his size and height to intimidate you and he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you but no one else.

4. Stubbornness

For example, if I warned my next door neighbor that one of the tires on his car is low and he waved me away like shooing a fly. He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.

5. what Constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Incivility and jerky behavior

For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road, I slam on my breaks and blare my horn at him and he flips me off.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t make him a bully. Does it, however, make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.

Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying Even if the argument is heated.

Only when one of the arguers resort to repeatedly (notice I said, repeatedly) calling their opponent names and shaming them because they don’t agree nor share their beliefs, and the harassment goes on for a long time, against the same opponent! That, my friends, is bullying!

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we MUST get clear on exactly what it is that constitutes bullying! Only then will we be able to apply it to those who are truly deserving of the label.

In Conclusion

Bullying has become a blanket term for many people to describe anyone who says, does, or believes anything they don’t find comfortable. This is wrong and must stop because not only will the terms bully and bullying lose their meanings, but bullies will only continue to fade into the crowd while innocent people end up with a label they don’t deserve stuck to them.

Moreover, the words bullying and bully are beginning to lose their meaning because people abuse and misuse the term today now more than ever.

Understand that people say things without thinking. Some say foolish stuff and others are quite distasteful with their words and actions. However, this doesn’t necessarily make them bullies. Jerks, yes. But not bullies. Bullying is abuse. Being a jerk, on the other hand, is just being foolish and not thinking.

Remember, incivility does not equal bullying.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can better distinguish between bullying and AssHolery, stubbornness or debating.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

forgiveness does not require reconnection meaning

Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

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If you’re wondering whether forgiving someone means that you must have them in your life, be assured that forgiveness does not require reconnection. So, do you want to know why? Here are the reasons that you can forgive someone without allowing them into your life.

forgiveness does not require reconnection

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you must continue to keep in contact with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that it’s okay to forgive and continue to keep the transgressor at arms length.

Once you learn that forgiveness does not require reconnection, there will no longer be any confusion on the requirements of forgiveness. Therefore, you will no longer feel guilty about not associating with the transgressor.

The purpose of this post is to re-assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection so that you can feel better about keeping your distance from someone you don’t trust.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection

However, forgiveness is still necessary for you to live a happy life after bullying.

The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. And only you can know when you’re ready.

Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay. Moreover, it does it mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you.

However, when you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection but It’s a must for empowerment.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness.

To forgive is not about letting anyone off the hook; it’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate, which can only hold you back.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you that for me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. There’s truly no better feeling!

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. Although, they may have exerted control over the years they bullied you, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

In other words, holding onto and carrying around anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you.

Why? Because the people you hate and hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

Therefore, while you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind?

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

Put another way, if you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection:

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that is so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness, such as a heart attack or stroke.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, there are people who won’t mind wiping their feet all over you but will be greatly offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know good and well they wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react, then tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

Go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. During constructive things like these will give you closure

 Forgiveness does not require reconnection.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy, forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too may people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them but there’s no law that says you have to trust them again. It’s better that you don’t trust them.

In other words, you don’t need to restore relationships with all those you’ve forgiven. Just because you’ve made peace with them doesn’t mean they have with you.

Some people you must forgive from afar.

This post is here to assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection in some situations and with some people.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

5. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

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fear

How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

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‘Want to know how to overcome unnecessary fear? Here are several simple tricks that every victim of bullying needs to know.

how to overcome unnecessary fear

Bullies thrive on fear and if you’re a victim of bullying, the fear they instill in you controls you and controls your life. Truth be known, you’re probably wondering how to overcome unnecessary fear and free yourself from it’s grip.

In this post, you will learn how to get rid of the fear, stand up to your bullies, and take back control of your life.

Once you learn all these mind hacks, you will no longer be afraid to stand your ground, set boundaries, and live life on your terms.

This post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can have finally liberate yourself from bullying and have more freedom and autonomy.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

Fear is the strongest of all emotions. It’s an excellent asset in a genuinely hazardous situation where there’s the threat of immediate harm. However, it can be the most dangerous and paralyzing emotion in situations that don’t warrant your being afraid.

Understand that this kind of fear is THE number one tool in the bully’s toolbox. Bullies use it as a means to manipulate you and control every aspects of your life.

Realize that the power of fear is the only power bullies hold, and they don’t use it sparingly. Moreover, bullies instinctively know that real or perceived fear will shut down your rational and cognitive thinking abilities.

As a result, they can manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.

Next, let’s discuss the negative effects this fear has on your life.

How does unnecessary fear impact your life?

1. It strips away your personal power.

It weakens you, making you completely powerless to stop unpleasant circumstances from happening in your life. And most of these situations are those you could otherwise control.

2. by tearing apart your ability to reason.

Fear automatically shuts down the logical part of your brain and the survival part of your mind takes over.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

3. Fear discourages you from taking action in situations that require it.

You’re too afraid to take the risk that it might not produce the desired outcome. However, what if it does? This is what you should ask yourself every time you fear acting on something.

4. It strips away your ability to make your own choices and decisions.

Instead you only make choices that benefit your bullies because you’re afraid they’ll retaliate.

5. By discouraging you from defending and protecting yourself from harm.

Again, you’re frightened of standing up for yourself because of the risk of your bullies physically beating you up or retaliating psychologically.

6. Fear forces you to put your wants and needs on the back burner and shackles you to the self-interests of bullies and abusers.

Instead of taking care of your own priorities, you allow your bullies to force you to work to further their interests. Moreover, you never get a chance to do anything to make yourself happy.

Therefore, you must find ways to overcome this unnecessary fear. Moreover, you must gather the courage to stand up to your bullies and tell them to take a hike. They may retaliate. However, let them. Anything is better than putting up with unsavory people mentally enslaving you.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

A fearful person is easier for bullies to control than a fearless one.

Bullies have long understood the power of deliberately inducing fear in their victims to control and dominate them. Moreover, they know that it reaps them rewards.

These kinds of people maintain their oppressive grip on you by threatening some kind of repercussions on you if you don’t comply with their wishes. They then brag to others that they have the power to decide whether you get to live in peace and be safe from harm.

Also, they may tell you that if you do what they want or say what they want to hear, they will leave you alone. Additionally, they also demand that you do it willingly and without getting mouthy and catching a funky attitude.

However, we all know how this usually goes. Bullies don’t keep promises. They only keep you hanging.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that your bullies greatly benefit from your fear, and they won’t give those benefits up without a fight.

How do Bullies exploit your fear?

There are 5 ways bullies use fear to control you.

1. spreading rumors and gossip

Bullies have a knack for making even the most ridiculous lies sound like the truth. Moreover, they make the most insidious abuse respectable, even admired.

They’ll slander you to keep you silent and ensure that you don’t speak out about the abuse. Also, they do it to isolate you and lessen the chances of anyone supporting you.

If they can turn everyone against you, then who’s going to believe you when you finally speak out about the violence?

Bullies will use your fear to turn others against you and recruit them to become willing participants in the abuse. Therefore, if nothing else, remember this:

Even the kindest of people can become willing co-conspirators because humans behave much differently in groups, then they do on their own.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

– Voltaire

How to overcome Unnecessary fear:

2. Bullies use Repetition

In other words, bullies will repeat their physical, psychological, or relational aggression. Moreover, they will do this over long periods of time to strengthen and solidify your fear.

They also continuously beat down your self-esteem and confidence to ensure that you don’t protect yourself or rebel against the abuse.

Understand that this is a type of coercive conditioning or brainwashing. Why? Because it’s specifically designed to break your will and get you to submit and accept more abuse.

Bullies may also repeatedly use the old bait and switch. In other words, they may make you empty promises of safety and security. Again, bullies don’t keep promises and will usually inflict pain on you anyway.

3. Gaslighting

If the bullies can make you question your own sanity, they can discredit you in the eyes of bystanders, witnesses and authority members.

Moreover, if they can cause you to doubt your own perception of the abuse, they can, therefore, cause you not to believe your own experiences.

And if your abusers can make you believe you must have done or said something to deserve the cruelty, all the better! Then you’ll surely keep quiet and do as you’re told.

4. To control everyone else

Bullies also use fear to control your peers and any bystanders. Moreover, they send the message that if anyone else dares to help you or associate with you, they too will suffer the bullies’ wrath.

Therefore, bullies use everyone else’s fear to control them too.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

How do you overcome your fear?

1. Gain knowledge of bullies and bullying.

Knowledge is power. Therefore learn everything you can on the subjects.

This means researching the psychology of bullies and bullying. In other words, learn why bullies bully and where their abuse comes from. For example, do they bully for social status or to keep from being bullied themselves?

Moreover, learn where their abuse comes from. Does it come from low self-esteem, sadism, arrogance, or a feeling of superiority?

Also, know what your bullies’ intentions and motivations are. Are they trying to get attention or admiration from others?

Finally, learn which tactics different bullies use and how it effects victims.

Additionally, you must also gain knowledge of human nature and tactics of warfare. You must also know the ways people attain power, psychology, and dark psychology.

Reading about the Dark Triad- Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism wouldn’t be a bad idea.

2. Stop worrying about any outcomes.

Once you detach yourself from the outcome of a situation, you automatically detach yourself from fear.

3. be not concerned with what others think.

In other words, stop worrying about what people think. Once you release yourself from others opinions, you release yourself from fear.

4. become angry.

Anger is one hell of a motivator. This means finally getting fed up and you’ll know when you’re fed up. Moreover, once you get mad because you’re sick of your bullies jerking you around, fear immediately becomes a non-issue.

To put it plainly, anger is the one emotion that drives away fear. Why? Because once you become angry, you no longer care. Damn the consequences! You’re finally ready to do something about this!

Only then will you gather the courage to make a stand and change your life for the better.

5. how to overcome unnecessary fear: Prepare yourself to fight! And fight like hell.

Whether you must do it physically or employ psychological warfare, you must fight for your right to be left alone. In that, you fight for your safety, your self-esteem, your peace, your happiness, and, in extreme cases of bullying, your very existence.

this post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can take your life back and start doing you!

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1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use