‘Want to know how to make friends when everyone hates you? Here are all the tips and tricks that you need to know about.
If you’re a victim of bullying, chances are good that your bullies have turned everyone else against you. Now, what do you do?
In this post, you will learn exactly how to make friends when everyone hates you.
Once you learn about this life-changing information, you will be able to establish common ground and form lasting friendships that last a lifetime. Moreover, you will be able to take back a degree of control over your social life.
This post is all about how to make friends when everyone hates you. This is so you can make life-long friends, defeat isolation, and repair your self-esteem. Also, you can have protection against your bullies.
How to make friends when Everyone Hates You
It’s bad enough when bullies come for you. However, when they turn everyone else against you, it’s twice as damaging. But what if I told you that there were ways you could still make friends?
It’s true. There are many ways you can make friends despite all the damage your bullies have done to your reputation and social connections. Here are ways you can do it!
1. Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment
If you’ve ever been a target of relentless bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there.
It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has. And you can’t take another chance of it happening again.
But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with.
They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment. So, you aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to be one.
With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and start anew.
Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person, because people love those who show genuine interest in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one-in-a-million you.
I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!
2. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:
Befriend Other Targets of Bullying.
The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that to find good friendships, you must establish common ground.
Recognize that individuals who share similar activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a higher probability of forming close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.
How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.
When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it confirms that they aren’t alone in the fight. Also, it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends might back you up the next time bullies come calling.
Commonalities Attract
Additionally, it reinforces the fact that you are not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others tell you, you can make friends.
It sends the message that you are a likable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.
When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.
Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves.
When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground that quickly develops rapport.
How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:
A “Target Rich Environment”
If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target-rich environment” for yourself by staying among other targets.
I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re drawn to people with similar desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a breeze!
But how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?
You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a T-shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s a shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.
What a person is doing also gives clues. Additionally, their posture reveals many tells. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone or slumping in their chair, they may be a target of bullies.
And, if they don’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You might be the friend they’re looking for!
3. Realize that Bullies Get talked about too.
If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you’re a victim of bullies in a small town, you will be the topic of gossip. And that gossip will reach from city limits to city limits.
However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about, too. However, people rarely discuss them openly. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the conversations are always held in secret.
Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. However, the others are likely to deny being bullied. Also, bullies will never tell you if there are others. So, you’ll mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.
How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:
You’ll discover embarrassing info about your bullies.
If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some embarrassing information about my bullies!
I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly.
One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”.
Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.
I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another. She would either get fired or quit when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.
How Bullies Usually End Up
Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even.
Several others are incarcerated or have been. One was convicted of murder, and another was convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.
The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Joneses. They want everyone to think they have beaten the rat race, but are failing miserably.
Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.
How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:
Here’s a Quick Recap of the First Two Tips.
1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Why? Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.
2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from other outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised by what you discover. Your bullies may get laughed at, too. People are only careful about who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.
Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People like these must work hard to maintain the facades they present to the world.
And the reason they give victims a difficult time is that victims don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.
How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies. And I would get an earful every time we got together.
Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.
How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:
Bullies don’t want you to know that they have enemies.
Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies… LOTS of them!
However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. Bullies don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs. Why? Because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.
Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.
Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, it will work to trash your self-esteem. Then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head, that you’re just plain garbage.
A bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serve to reinforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long. And bullies know this.
So, please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes to your worth. See behind the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on.
Once you do, I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.
4. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:
Befriend the enemies of your bullies.
“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
Your bullies’ enemies may not necessarily be those they have bullied. Instead, they may be witnesses who have seen how they mistreat others.
As the age-old proverb suggests, your bullies’ enemies are your friends. And they should be. If you are the target of a bully, rest assured that you haven’t been the first nor the only poor soul who has fallen victim.
Again, your bullies have enemies, whether they admit it or not. Only you don’t know it because bullies naturally put up the facade that they are beyond reproach. But every bit of it is a lie.
This may seem a little underhanded, but it isn’t. It bears repeating. Becoming friends with your bullies’ enemies will help you get them off your back.
In fact, social science has proven that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone) they dislike—a common enemy that they all share a passionate distaste for.
Find out who your bullies’ enemies are.
Again, you must identify who your bullies’ enemies are, connect with them, and form a friendship. Also, make sure to have their backs and vice versa, then you and your bullies’ enemies can unite as allies.
I guarantee that the enemies, whoever they are, will be more than happy to oblige and you will instantly become comrades!
How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:
There’s strength in numbers.
And rarely do lone wolves survive in the social world. Thank evolution for that one. The more of your bullies’ enemies you can make friends and allies, the more protection and support you will get.
Remember that bullies are often cowards, and they frequently pursue the lone wolf. So, if you can become friends with as many of your bullies’ enemies as possible, the bullying will stop. Why? Because bullies never attack anyone who is surrounded by others.
Then your bullies will go find another victim and leave you alone. How I wish I had thought of this back when I was in school! Things definitely would have been a lot different!
You always have options.
This post was all about how to make friends when everyone hates you so that you can find ways to get support.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Make Friends When You Have None at School or at Work
2. Bullies Have Enemies: 3 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage
3. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It
4. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold
5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
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Aum Shanti
Thank you so much, Shanti!
Such an important post. One, we do need perspective that not everyone is a bully. There are always going to be some kind, decent people at any school, work place, etc. The problem is often times they are afraid to speak up or because they are actually a decent person maybe we don’t notice them nearly enough. Don’t be afraid to seek out people in any environment.
Two, realize everywhere you go is a new opportunity because they don’t know any of the backstory. For instance switching schools or jobs can sometimes change perception. I have seen bullied kids suddenly become popular and well-liked when they switch schools.
Three, realize you physically and mentally change after say the age of 18 or 19. A lot of people grow into their personality and looks after the awkward years. (not that it should matter)
Four, friendships need to be defined. We need to all make efforts to regularly speak to our friends in person, online, email, phone, etc. We need to find people with common interests like sports, music, art, writing, gaming, whatever.
Absolutely, Bradley. Sometimes, it’s the environment that needs changing.
Great article. I think you hit on some many of the key points. I want to talk about in my opinion the type of friends and acquaintances and relationships we need to seek. Thank you for allowing me to talk so long on this one.
1) Form strong acquaintances/casual friends. I think it is important to find generally good people. Those you may not have a ton in common with or know that well but they are good, decent people and fun to have an occasional conversation with that treat you with respect. These are people that often times are neither popular or unpopular, they just do their own thing.
2) The rare decent well-liked kids. You shouldn’t seek anyone out just because of their status but there are people liked in middle, high school, or college that are kind of successful and known but they are just good people. They are someone to make friends with. They can often give good advice and yes sometimes being associated with them can help your plight. Just don’t take advantage.
3) A few opposite sex friends. I think it important to have friends from all walks of life and that includes those of the opposite sex. They can often give you a different perspective and in some ways can be easier to talk to or give you a different point of view on so many things.
4) The best friends/in common friends. Let’s face it, those you are going to be closest to have some similar interests. Ask yourself who shares the same hobbies, etc. Who would I want to spend time with outside of the classroom or work place.
5) The “they know my secrets and never abused the privilege” friends. This one is huge. I think I shared on here I had an opposite sex friend I had a massive crush on but kept my feelings to myself frankly for years. So it was one of those deals they were friends, I was fond of them yet I think I had a wall in some ways because I never came clean with them. I eventually told them and they didn’t know. But they responded great. A lot of water had been under the bridge at that time, we had moved into other relationships through the years etc but it was like a burden lifted off and we had a great discussion about it and it was no reflection on current relationships. I realized this was a person that I could talk to and it was a special friendship, one where there was attraction without lines being crossed. You could talk about anything and no one was going to overread anything. I realized we actually need that! And we need friends that we can share our darkest secrets maybe even a case where we behaved poorly but knew they wouldn’t judge or forgive.
Great points, Craig. Your last point really hit home with me. If you know people who know your secrets and have never divulged them to others, those are the friend you know you can trust!
I think one of the biggest things to remember is most bullies have a select group of people they like to bully. And normally it is those they think they can get away with it against. That’s why if people reading this blog don’t learn anything else, it is to ALWAYS stand up for yourself and others.
Friends are so important not just in bullying situations but just life. Your best memories are almost always adventures with friends.
In terms of being a victim, there is indeed safety in numbers. The more friends you have the safer you are if they are true friends.
Speaking of friends I look back on this with some joy and some sadness. My two or three closest friends I could tell anything to. They helped me on projects, had fun with then and I could be my crazy loud self. I could rock out one minute, talk serious another. I could be comfortable in jeans and a sweater around them or rock my best bathing suit and feel comfortable respected yet sexy too.
AND! My regret is I haven’t always made the time for them I should. I have never expressed how much I respect and appreciate them. Probably never been finally open yet I should be and they are the ones you need in your life.
That’s precisely what happens, Kandi. Bullies are always selective of their victims, and it’s because they want to bully only those they know with whom they can get away with it.