‘Want to know how to turn a bully into a buddy? I did it, and you can too. Here’s how.
In this post, you will learn how to turn a bully into a buddy so that you can win by turning an enemy into a friend.
Once you learn all these cool details, you will turn bullies who are easily won over into the best of friends, and they will wonder why they ever hated you to begin with. But, more importantly, you will have rewarding friendships that last a lifetime.
This post is all about how to turn a bully into a buddy so you can win without throwing a punch or showing hostility.
How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy
Believe it or not, you can turn a bully into a buddy. However, it depends on the person you are dealing with. With the right attitude and the proper techniques, some bullies are easy to turn into friends.
However, many bullies are resistant to any kindness you show them. Therefore, you shouldn’t waste your time with them. Just let them go. It’s the best thing to do when someone is that determined to dislike you.
Here is a true story of personal experience.
Shelly (not her real name) was one of my most vicious bullies in school. When we passed one another in the hallway or at a ballgame, we would not hesitate to exchange nasty insults.
We would growl, “Bitch!”, “Whore!” “Skank!” every time we saw each other. Thinking up ways to degrade and slut-shame each other was always a top priority during these little meetings.
Twenty years later
Fast-forward twenty years, in late 2007, I went to a karaoke show at the Moose Lodge on the outskirts of town. I wanted to celebrate my courage to break off my recent 2 1/2 year-long abusive relationship.
Therefore, I decided to reward myself with a fun girls’ night out.
When I arrived at the Moose Lodge with a few friends in tow, the first word I heard was, “Oh my God! Not that bitch!” Honestly, I thought the verbal assault was directed at someone else until I looked up and saw her.
There Shelly stood, pool cue in one hand, the other hand resting on her boyfriend’s back. Her eyes and brows narrowed into little slits in her face and bore into me like a sharp object.
I had not seen her in two decades. And I wondered how she’d managed to drag around so much hate for so many years. After all, I had forgotten entirely about her amid juggling bills, a job, family, and other adult priorities.
How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy:
I didn’t realize that Shelly was fighting her own demons.
Sadly, I also had to do some self-reflection. I discovered that maybe I, too, had some unresolved hatred. Only it had been a case of out of sight, out of mind.
I’d soon learn that that night, Shelly was at the lowest point of her life. Life had not been kind to her either. And she was lashing out. I couldn’t hate her. I could only feel bad for her.
It seemed that, even twenty years, two marriages, and children hadn’t been enough to erase the teenage animosity she still held. We lived in a small Southern town. And in small Southern towns, few people forget the past.
Therefore, it’s easy for the reputation you had in your teens to follow you for the rest of your life. Sadly, this is still how it is in a small town.
The turning point
Having always loved music and had a strong voice, I got up and sang one of my favorite songs. Everyone cheered once I was finished. After I sat down, Shelly sat down beside me and was very impressed with my performance.
She told me she admired my voice and had always known I could sing. However, she didn’t think I was that good. At first, I was flabbergasted. This was the first positive remark I’d heard from her.
Nevertheless, I was grateful. I smiled and gave her a gracious “Thank you. It’s good to see you again after all these years.”
We continued to talk, and she took some pictures out of her purse to show me. Those pictures were those of her talents – woodwork and paintings. They were the most beautiful works I’d ever seen.
This lady was very talented, and I wouldn’t deny it. I truly loved her work and could not stop looking at those pictures and complimenting her. She was truly an expert in woodworking and oil painting.
It was at that point that the dynamics of our relationship changed for the better. We exchanged phone numbers and soon began calling each other. Also, we texted cute little funnies back and forth.
Next, we began inviting each other to family outings and cookouts. Also, we started meeting each other in town for lunch or coffee.
How to Turn a Bully into a buddy:
One of my worst bullies became one of my best friends.
We soon became the greatest of friends, and I grew to love Shelly very much. We often talked about how we had missed out on what could have been a wonderful friendship years ago.
“Boy! We were clueless back then, weren’t we?” Shelly laughed. I laughed and readily agreed. She was right. We were kids with big mouths and bad attitudes.
The past couldn’t be changed. Therefore, we were content to go from there and make our friendship as fun as possible.
The moral of the story.
Nothing is impossible. It is always possible to turn a bully or enemy into a friend. All it takes is to break down that wall and show the other person genuine interest.
Everybody loves it when you are interested in them, their likes, and how things are going in their lives. Even some of the coldest and meanest of people soften toward anyone who tries to understand them.
How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy:
We all want the same things.
As humans, we all have a certain degree of selfishness. We all desire the same things- to be loved, appreciated, and respected.
Everybody has a void waiting to be filled. If we can fill the void by making the person feel loved and that they belong, we will make them feel wanted.
It is said that people may forget what you said, but they never forget how you made them feel. If you can make them feel like they’re the only person in the room, it’ll be the difference between gaining a friend and keeping an enemy.
Through our many talks, I found out that the girl I thought was so cruel was a girl who didn’t feel loved by anyone. She was just as sad as I was, but had put on a tough exterior. Also, she had suffered incidents of bullying herself, and it still hurt her immensely.
I didn’t know that I would eventually lose Shelly to a devastating disease.
Sadly, my beautiful friend passed away eight years ago from cancer. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her and think of her.
I’ll never forget that night at the karaoke club, the night Shelly and I became close friends. We remained as close as sisters until the day she died.
By showing her genuine interest, without fakery, I turned one of my most resistant bullies into one of my best friends. And I’m so thankful that we got the chance to be besties.
We discovered that the other person was really a great person who had been hiding a lot of past hurts. We were both broken people! Others had mistreated us both. And that commonality is what brought us closer.
I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together, and I miss her…I miss her so much. Fly high, Shelly! Until we meet again on those golden streets!
Here are the steps on how to turn a bully into a buddy.
1. Show Genuine interest in them.
You can’t just act like you’re interested in them; you must be interested in them. In other words, if you aren’t really interested in the person, don’t fake it. People can sense when you’re being fake. Your body language will tell them.
Therefore, show genuine interest in the person. This means showing interest in their hobbies and interests. Also, it means asking how things are going in their lives.
2. Make eye contact and lean in when they speak.
This shows that you want to hear what they have to say. And, trust me on this. They will appreciate it very much.
3. Ask how they’re doing.
When you ask how someone is doing, it shows that you care about their well-being and want them to do well. And people appreciate it.
4. How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy:
Remember that everyone wants and needs the same things.
Just as you want people to love and respect you, so does everyone else. If you keep this universal truth in the back of your mind, you will be a true friend. Therefore, you will attract true friends.
5. Have their back.
If they are going through a difficult time, be there for them. Be the source of support they need. And if someone mistreats them, stand up for them. Let them know that you will stand behind them when someone bullies them.
6. Find things you both have in common.
In other words, if you and the other person have been through the same things, share that. If you both like rock music, share that too. People are attracted to those who are most like them. They will befriend those they share the same experiences with.
To make a friend, you must first be a friend. Therefore, extend your friendship by making the person feel good when you are around.
This post is all about how to turn a bully into a Buddy so that you can defeat an enemy without ever showing hostility. More importantly, you can be the friend they need.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks
2. Flattery vs Compliment: 7 Signs Bullies are Buttering You Up