‘Want to know the psychological payoffs bullies get from sowing discord between you and others? Here’s why it’s such a powerful weapon and how you can protect yourself from it.
Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about your character and private life. It has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about sowing discord and why it’s such a powerful weapon for the social bully.
Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to recognize what your bullies are doing and call it out when it happens to you.
This post is all about sowing discord and the tactics social bullies use so that you can recognize them right away and call them out.
Sowing Discord
Many bullies sow discord through gossip. The purpose of gossip is to control your status by demoting you in the social hierarchy.
Another purpose of gossip is to justify any abuse by promoting a collective view that you don’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.
And once others think you deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!
The more you stir shit, the more it stinks.
Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among other people. They can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Have you ever wondered why?
Here are the reasons:
It’s to keep the spotlight off themselves and their despicable behavior and dirty dealings. Often, they do it as a distraction. If the bullies can stir the pot and keep others at each other’s throats, they can keep people focused on that rather than on them.
Therefore, the bullies get to look like gods and be untouchable.
Also, bullies get cheap thrills from watching others tear each other down. Trust me, bullies love that stuff! Bullies use appearances to look better than they really are. And the more they can stir it up and make it stink, the better they smell.
Remember this the next time you see bullies trying to instigate hatred between other people. Also, remember this the next time bullies try to instigate a fight between you and a former friend, or between another classmate or coworker.
Sowing Discord is a powerful Distraction.
Understand that this is done in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide-and-Conquer strategy. And it’s used to sow discord among people. And sadly, it works.
The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself. Who would the division benefit most? You, your friend, or the instigator?
Gossip
Not only do gossip and smears lower your social standing, but they also benefitanother way. Additionally, it tightens their group connections. It confers higher status on those privy to negative information.
Moreover, it sets expectations and norms within the group for how they should treat you.
Through petty talk, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of you.
While using it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that you “deserve it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”
People tell others to keep it a secret. However, they also ask them to inform the group of any new information and updates about you.
Realize that gossip reinforces bullies’ perceptions that their views and treatment of you are correct.
Sowing Discord:
What Gossipers do to cover their gossip.
Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt. They begin their sentences with things like,
- “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
- “Poor thing…”
- “Bless her heart…”
They will acknowledge that you’re a human being. However, they’ll only do it because it gives them the green light to keep talking. Also, it helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.
Reputation doesn’t equal Character, but it can affect your life.
Indeed, reputation doesn’t equal character. But it can affect life. Bullies and toxic people are aware of this.
Understand that the rumors may, in fact, be false. And there may be zero credible evidence to back them up.
But if pure speculation best fits the bullies’ goals, that’s what they will go along with.
In the late stages, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators. Gossip brings scandal. It means to assassinate your character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a human being.
Anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.
And if you attempt to defend yourself or speak out against the abuse, they will find ways to use it against you. They will even resort to gaslighting.
Sowing Discord:
Gossip Escalates.
Once gossip reaches the late stage, the only way to ensure your safety is to leave the toxic environment. In other words, you must go to a new place where you can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent yourself.
Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” In reality, he was a great kid. However, because of lies and gossip, he was considered a rogue and a thief.
Do you remember the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy? He told him about how he got his bad name and wished he could go somewhere where no one knew him.
During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal.
However, they were able to blame him for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.
Sadly, that happens a lot. In most cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and rebuild their lives.
Rumors and Lies Breed False Memories
As rumors and lies circulate, details are included and added to the stories. These details have a way of being inserted into people’s memories.
There have been cases of burglaries where the homeowners “thought they saw” an unarmed burglar with a gun when, in fact, there was no gun.
Understand that in these cases, people don’t lie on purpose. They really and truly believe they saw a gun in the criminal’s hand or his pocket. They actually “remember” seeing it.
And the reason they remember it so plainly is that they’ve heard and talked about it so much. And it caused their brains to fill in the blanks with the details they heard.
Another reason for false memories is that when bullies ask questions such as,
- “Did you see her do this?”
- “Did you hear him say that?”
They only suggest that she did do this, or that he did say that —Power of Suggestion at work.
Sowing Discord:
Influencing OTHERS Memories
It’s so easy to influence people’s memories by presenting something in a particular way. Also, the memory will adjust itself according to a person’s stereotypes and expectations.
People see what they expect to see. Too often, people’s memories depend on social expectations —what they expect the target to do, not what he is actually doing.
Understand that memories are mistaken and can be falsified. Sure. And whether accurate or make-believe, once it becomes a memory, there’s no way to tell the difference.
Baiting Others to Attack you.
If you already have a bad reputation, your bullies may pick some random person. Then they’ll look at you, pointing to them, and say, “I think this guy’s madly in love with you!”
To save their own reputation, the person will insult you to prove that they don’t like you either. And they’ll do it to fit in.
They may say, “Hell no! I can’t stand that creep!” Or, they may say, “No way! Not that whore!”
Therefore, they will insult you to make a point. Do you see what the bullies did? They baited the other person to bully you, too. This is just another slick way of sowing discord between you and others. And it works like a charm.
Sowing Discord:
Playing Messenger
If you are already having trouble with another person, your bullies may fan the flames to make the situation worse. For instance, the person may be giving you trouble because they want to fit in with the bullies.
You may be angry and embarrassed. You may tell your friend what a piece of garbage the person is. And your bullies may eavesdrop on your conversation. As a result, they overhear it and run back to the other person with what you just said about them.
And the next thing you know, the person you are into it with wants to fight you for running your mouth behind their back. Never mind that you were confiding in your closest friend.
The bullies will conveniently leave that part out. It won’t matter that you were only getting stuff off your chest and confiding in a friend.
The only thing that will matter is that you said something bad about them. And now, they want to get even with you for it.
When you know the many ways people try to sow discord and instigate drama, you’ll be one step ahead.
This post was all about sowing discord and the many tactics bullies use to do it, so you know what to expect and how to call it out.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Instigation: 3 Ways Bullies Sow Discord Between You and Others
2. Signs of a Smear Campaign: 3 Indicators of Relational Bullying
3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You