‘Want to know about invasion of personal space and different ways you can respond when bullies violate your personal space boundaries? Here is everything you need to know.
Bullies are notorious space invaders. They make it a point to get too close. And they do it deliberately to intimidate and challenge you. You don’t have to put up with it.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the invasion of personal space and how to stand up to it confidently
Once you learn all about this crucial information, you will be able to stand up to any bully who steps over your physical boundaries.
This post is all about the invasion of personal space, so that you can avoid being intimidated by it and assert your right to have your space.
Invasion of Personal Space
What are a few examples of bullies invading your personal space? If you are a victim of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you. Sometimes, they will stand so close that their bodies are touching yours.
Again, bullies will purposefully crowd you and there are reasons they do this.
Zone Distances
People practice different zone distances based on the relationships they have with the people in the room around them. Here are 4 zone distances you need to be aware of.
1. Intimate Zone – (6-18 inches)
This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, bullies will step into your intimate zone to intimidate you, or when they are about to attack you.
Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust, or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close. As a result, our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Some bullies may also invade your intimate area to toy with you and get you to react, then step back and laugh at your reaction. Therefore, call the bully out. Let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.
2. Invasion of Personal Space:
Personal Zone – (18-48 inches)
We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!
3. Social Zone – (4-12 feet)
We stand this distance from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from you. Therefore, you might not want to react if you don’t want to look like you have paranoia or like you’re unstable.
However, you can keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move in closer.
4. Public Zone – (Over 12 feet)
We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand this far away from you and not look conspicuous or threatening.
(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)
Invasion of Personal Space:
Ways Bullies Invade Your Personal Zone
1. They’ll get in your face.
They do this by getting nose-to-nose with you. I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge you. Also, bullies may do this to dare you to hit them first.
Therefore, haul off and deck this person with every ounce of strength you have! This may sound old school or even barbaric to some people. However, understand that there is no “nice” way to handle it when someone gets in your face. Bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.
Therefore, don’t be afraid to knock the hell out of anyone who gets in your face. Because you can best believe that if a bully gets in your face, their next move will be to put their hands on you.
2. They’ll Stand too close behind you.
Bullies will walk up behind you and stand way too close. Moreover, they’ll stand so close that the front of their bodies is actually touching your back. There’s a name for this type of move. It’s called looming.
Understand that bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you, or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant.
These individuals possess an unlimited audacity. They do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!
Never allow this type of behavior to go on. Why? Because they will only increase the behavior if you let them get away with it.
Again, understand that when the bully pulls these shenanigans, he is looking to fight. So, do what you have to do to teach this idiot a lesson they’ll never forget!
3. Invasion of Personal Space:
they’ll stand over you while you’re sitting down.
If you’re sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over you to look bigger. They also do this to intimidate, challenge, or provoke you.
This is also a violation of your personal space. Moreover, it is a precursor to a physical attack. Therefore, you must beat them to it. Be quick about jumping up and knocking the holy hell out of them.
The only way to handle this type of bullying is to make them never want to try it again!
Other Ways Bullies Violate Your Space.
1. Lay Claim to Your Territory.
Sitting in your chair, leaning on your car, etc.
Any chair we sit in or any object we lean on or touch, we non-verbally lay claim to. Just as a dog will mark its territory by peeing on the spot it claims as its own, people mark theirs by sitting, leaning, or touching the place or object they claim as theirs.
Leaning in the doorway of your office, room, or house.
Other ways bullies invade your territory are leaning in the doorway of your office, dorm room, or house. Bullies may also prop their feet on your desk or table, or even walk into your home without knocking or being invited inside!
The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc.
Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to. The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.
Hogging Public Space.
Bullies may walk in the center of a hallway. They may also sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them.
Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road or driveway. They may take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait. They may also stand in the middle of a crowd or the center of a room.
Therefore, understand why bullies behave in this manner. They do them to inconvenience people and dare them to call them out.
2. Invasion of Personal Space:
Invasion of your privacy
Bullies will very carefully observe you. They will eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details. Why? So they can take the private information and spread it as juicy gossip, making you look bad.
They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets to spread them around and embarrass you. They will even follow you to see where you go and with whom you associate.
If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your territory to intimidate, challenge, or dominate you.
Therefore, you must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory. Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!
The more you know, the better you can protect yourself against these personal space invaders.
3. Invasion of Personal Space:
Freely touching You or your property.
Touching You with a carefree attitude.
Bullies will often freely touch you because they have no regard for your personal space. For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. They may grab you by the arm and lead you where they want you to go.
A bully may also physically move you out of the way or shove past you. Understand that the reason they do these things is to show you who’s in charge. The bully may also behave this way to signal ownership of you.
Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”
Invasion of Personal Space:
Touching Your Personal Belongings.
Bullies also put their hands on your personal belongings with a carefree attitude. But know that the message the bully is sending is this. “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”
For instance, bullies may approach your table during lunch. Then, they may pick a French fry off your plate and pop it in their mouths.
Or, they might pick up your fork and take a bite of their food. Bullies may also pick up your phone and begin scrolling through the contents.
If you’re a female, bullies will rummage through your purse. They may pick up your jacket and go through the pockets. The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”
They may also pick up your notebook, yearbook, or diary and start flipping through the pages. I know. The nerve! Right?
Never let anyone go through your shit and not say anything or do something! Why? Because if you ignore this, you’re sending the message that this is okay!
Here are 7 Ways to Respond when your bullies violate your space.
1. Call them out
For instance, if they get too close, tell them to back off. If they pick up your notebook or phone, tell them to put it back where they got it.
2. Invasion of Personal Space:
Give them a Hard Glare.
Whenever you call a bully out, do it while giving them a hard, cold stare, without blinking. Or, if the bully tries to stare you down, return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.
If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. You must establish the necessary boundaries.
3. Punch them in the face.
If the bully gets in your face, you have the right to punch their lights out. Why? Because they may be getting ready to attack you. Getting in your face or standing too close is considered hostile body language. It is threatening. Therefore, offense is the best defense.
Here are other ways you can set boundaries. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.
Invasion of Personal Space:
In Closing
The most important thing you can ever do is set boundaries. Why? Because when you lack boundaries, no one will respect you. As a result, they will walk all over you. Remember that standing up to bullies is your responsibility, not someone else’s. Therefore, do what you have to do to hold your ground.
This post is all about THE invasion of personal SPACE so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them
2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples
3. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical
4. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore
🙏🌹
Aum Shanti
Thank you so much, Shanti!
This one is actually huge in recognizing when a situation is about to potentially occur or when an opportunity has presented itself to shut down bullying.
When someone gets in your personal space, it means one of three things. 1) It can be a sign of flirting like if it a boy or girl does it to one another but you will know if they simply are trying to flirt or get you interested. And even then there is a time and a place for it and if you aren’t interested then you have every right to tell them to back off. It also can be a sign of your previous post about sexual comments/bullying. If someone is trying to look big in front of their friends they may be trying to show that they think they are “casanova.” Two, if it is a close friend they may be wanting to tell you something in private. Once again you will know if they are a true friend or not and if they stand closely even then you take a step back after you have got their attention and preferably discuss it some place else. 3)Lastly and this is normally the case, the bully is trying to either intimidate you or is testing you.
I want to focus on the last one. One thing bullies look for is perceived weakness. If you look scared or back down, they score a victory in their own minds and their lackeys minds. If you think about it often times the bully never actually throws a punch because they don’t want to risk it. You backed down so they declare victory. This is where you have to develop your poker face. Don’t cower down, make full eye contact and puff your chest out. Give them the verbal cues that if they don’t back off then you are willing to engage. Sometimes it works and it does build respect if others are watching. You then tell them to get out of your personal space.
One thing I have noticed is when a person stands up to a bully, it often starts with a shove and a shove back before a lick is actually thrown. If they go that route, shove them back. If they spit in your face, then it absolutely has to be on because if you do nothing, you have fallen to the bottom of the food chain. Let them attack first because then it truly is self defense. Yes you may get in trouble but know this. If they are bullying you and you act in self-defense you have nothing to be ashamed about. Parents, if your kid is being attacked and he or she defends themselves, have their backs. Talk to the teacher and administration and school board. Just realize the way things are these days, they may do absolutely nothing or even try to defend the bully! Be prepared for that but stand your ground and let them know what you think and let them know if it happens again, the response will be the same.
I know this is a long post but this one is so vital. We have talked about this before but if a bully physically attacks you it is the bully who has the most to risk. If you lose, it was expected anyway because that’s the image the bully presented to their followers. However, if you win and I have seen it happen before, the bully is done. Their power is gone. Or if you hold your own whether you narrowly win, narrowly lose or it is tit for tat, your reputation has increased and the bullying may go away or lessen. Look no one is advocating fighting. It is horrible when it comes to that but one of the great mistakes we have made through the years is telling our kids or adults, good sweet people to just take it and turn the other cheek. Sometimes you can’t.
Absolutely, Bradley. The zone distance depends on the relationship. If the person isn’t a family member, a close friend, or a romantic partner, they should back the hell off!
Body language in general is so key. Ever met someone who just walked with confidence or someone who just walked with no sign of self-confidence? It is something I have to work on constantly!
In terms of people getting in one’s personal space, I believe you always stand at least a full step away ideally two because it is uncomfortable unless you are trying to pick a fight or going to kiss them lol. I know with my sisters if we ever got into each others personal space and we weren’t even enemies, chances were it was going to be on! Lol. It is the ultimate sign trouble isn’t coming, it is there!
It’s natural, I think. When people get too close, we automatically tense up and become defensive. And we should if the other person isn’t family or a romantic interest.