Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing personal boundaries is another. Therefore, do you want to know what comes with enforcing personal boundaries? Or, vise versa?
Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.
On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.
In this post, you will learn exactly what it means to enforce personal boundaries. Also, you will learn how to go about doing it so that you can better protect yourself against human predators.
After you learn about all these things, you will better and more effectively keep bullies and abusers at bay. Also, you will be able to more successfully protect yourself from all kinds of bullies and abusers.
This post is all about enforcing personal boundaries, what it entails, and how you go about it, so that you can more effectively keep bullies away.
Enforcing Personal Boundaries
As stated earlier, setting boundaries is telling others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries. Enforcing boundaries, on the other hand, is doing what you said you’d do if someone violates them.
Understand that you can set boundaries all day long but if you don’t enforce them, people will pick up on it very quickly. Therefore, they’ll no longer take you seriously.
Moreover, they’ll only see you as making empty threats. People will then step over your boundaries deliberately, just because they can!
This is why enforcing personal boundaries is so important. It’s the step that let’s people know in no uncertain terms that you’re not one to toy around with.
However, setting and enforcing boundaries is never easy, especially if you’re dealing with bullies. Bullies, especially those with narcissistic personality disorder, despise boundaries and will retaliate and lash out at you for daring to have them.
Bullies Despise Boundaries and anyone who has them.
They hate anyone who is their own person and not the person they want them to be. Bullies want conformers and followers, not original, free-thinking individuals.
Moreover, the reason bullies abhor boundaries is because it means that they can’t control you. And when a bully cannot control you, they go into panic mode and will do very desperate things.
The backlash will be even worse, if bullies have grown comfortable with wresting control over you. Why? Because you will automatically take them out of their comfort zones once you take your power back. Then you will have hell to pay if you aren’t careful.
Understand that when you decide you will no longer be controlled by your bullies, the power dynamic automatically changes. The trick is to keep that new power dynamic from rolling back.
You see? Bullies have an entitlement attitude and they want things back to the way they used to be. Therefore, be prepared for them to attempt to try to reclaim power by doing either one or all of the following.
- They will be super sweet to you.
- They’ll threaten to ruin you socially.
- They may verbally or physically attack you.
- Or they’ll resort to smearing you to others.
- They’ll also lay guilt trips on you.
However, no matter what they do or how they may retaliate, don’t back down. Stick to your guns.
so, what strategies are involved in enforcing personal boundaries?
There are 7.
1. Don’t Just Mouth It. Mean it!
Again, you can’t just set boundaries by threatening consequences. You must be prepared to back it up with action (enforcement) if someone sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And the consequences must be severe enough that the person doesn’t want to even think of messing with you again.
2. If they physically attack you, hit them back and make it count.
Anytime a bully lays so much as a finger on you, they are violating your physical boundaries. One of the ways to enforce your physical boundaries is to hit them right back! And when you hit them, make it count!
In other words, hit the bully with enough force that it knocks them down, or at least back a few steps. Instead of only punching them with the strength of your arm, use the strength and weight of your entire body.
Also, hit them dead in the nose. That booger box is the best body part to aim for because a hard blow to the nose stuns a person.
Then, quickly pelt the bully with such a hail of punches that he can’t even think to exchange licks. You must be quick about it because once the bully recovers from the stunning blow and gathers his senses, he will come back at you.
Therefore, unleash a quick-as-lightning rainfall of hard punches to the face and head. And don’t stop until the bully is either down for the count or someone pulls you apart.
3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If the Bully is Super Sweet to you, take it with a grain of salt.
In other words, see through the bullies fake, good-guy act.
Anytime bullies start getting chummy with you, there are three reasons.
- They want something from you.
- Your bullies are trying to set you up for something bad.
- They’re trying to bring down your defenses.
Therefore, whatever you do, don’t fall for it!
4. If bullies threaten to ruin you socially, let them.
Even better, tell them to go for it. Chances are good that your bullies have already smeared you to other people and turned them against you. So, what do you have to lose?
And if you do have a few friends they might get to, see this as a test to your friends. In other words, watch your friends closely and see if they go along with it.
Here, you’ll quickly find out whether your friends are really there for you. If your friends believe the bullies’ lies and smears and turn against you, you’ll know that they never were your friends to begin with. Then you can cut them out of your life for good.
On the other hand, if they blow the bullies off and continue to stand with you, you’ll know that they’re true friends and that you can count on them.
5. If they begin screaming, yelling, and cursing you out, put your hand up. Then turn your back and walk away.
Anyone who stands in your face yelling, screaming, and cursing is violating your psychological and emotional boundaries. Therefore, show them that this is not okay.
Put your hand up and walk away. These people do not deserve the privilege of being in your company. However, keep your eyes peeled in case they try to attack you as you’re walking away. People are nuts these days.
And know that if they’re in your face, it’s okay to punch their lights out.
Also, you can look your bullies dead in the eyes, put your hand out like a traffic cop, and tell them to stay the hell away from you.
6. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If Your Bullies smear you to others, again, let them.
That’s right! Let them talk. Let them try to turn everyone against you.
See your bullies’ behavior for what it is. They’re in panic mode. They’re desperate to get you back under their thumb because they’re deathly afraid of losing control of you.
Also, remember this! If they can’t control you, they will try to control how other people look at you. In their desperation, your bullies will lie. They will spread ugly rumors and they will act like you violated them somehow.
And this bears repeating. If others outside of the conflict side with the bullies by believing their falsehoods, then those others, including the people you thought were friends, do not deserve a seat at your table.
Give them all the boot and do it yesterday!
7. If they lay guilt trips on you, blow them off and be on your way.
In other words, your bullies may make up a story about how they’ve done you a favor in the past. And this will more than likely be something you know doggone well isn’t true.
Moreover, when you call them on it, they might tell you that maybe you’ve forgotten about it or that your memory isn’t serving you correctly.
But don’t let them cause you to doubt yourself. And, for Pete’s sake! Don’t let them make you feel guilty!
Remember your history with them. You know that these people have never done a damn thing for you. They’ve only tried to use, abuse, and puppeteer you.
Therefore, tell them to take a hike!
In Conclusion:
Know that enforcing your boundaries will not be easy, especially once bullies have grown accustomed to controlling you.
Nevertheless, you must, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, hold firm and double down. If you refuse to give in to your bullies, there’s always a chance they just might leave you alone.
But be prepared just in case they don’t. You might need to either fight like hell or remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a place where you can make a fresh start.
This post was all about enforcing personal boundaries to give you the strategies you need to stay strong and take care of yourself.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses
3. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses
4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying
🙏🌹
Aum Shanti
Thank you so much, Shanti! 💖
“Nevertheless, you must, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, hold firm and stick to your guns. If you refuse to give in to your bullies, there’s always a chance they just might leave you alone. But be prepared just in case they don’t. You might need to remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a place where you can make a fresh start.”
This is absolutely true! By doing nothing we send the signal that we are passively allowing the toxic behavior to continue. Sometimes we do need to leave, or stop a friendship, or stop seeing a relative. Ultimately, we need to do what is good for our mental health.
Absolutely right, Tamara! You said that perfectly! 💯
This is so true! A lot of people think that setting the boundary is all that’s needed, but the real work comes in when we reinforce it. People will usually try to push back, especially if they were benefitting from there being weak or no boundaries before.
Absolutely right, Sara! You said it right there! People have grown accustomed to benefiting from your being weak and not having any boundaries. And when you end that for them, they can become quite vicious and vindictive.
Setting boundaries is so important with bullies, but sadly, they may not respect those boundaries.
Absolutely right, Vanya! They may even try to punish you for it.
When I meet someone, it becomes clear rather quickly whether they can be a good person to hang out with based on this very topic!
Imho, people will show their true selves and motivations quickly .
People will tell you who they are. I have matured enough (finally) to listen , ask questions for clarification and then honor my somatic response-even if I don’t really want to know the answer. I can choose to proceed or not.
In the past, I would avoid hearing the siren-bells warning me of future problems because I wanted to “believe “ the person was indeed of good character; if we clicked initially, but then attractiveness, charm, smartness, selfishness, arrogance, narcissistic tendencies or whatever else is underneath usually reveals itself right away. These signs can be hidden in glitter or silence for hours or years.
I am Thankful for the opportunity to read your words and to share my thoughts . 🙏🏽
Paying attention to how my body reacts when a person speaks or withholds is key. If can speak my truth and set a boundary with (you )
I will get to choose my path forward with strength. Then we can maybe talk.
I processes these feelings and reactions in real time. It is the only way I have found to establish if a person is able to be a good fit for friendship or not . I don’t waste my time anymore with bs. I know if they (men, women, clerks, clients) will honor my request for boundaries, it is a good start.
If a person bristles, gets snarky or demeans me then I immediately know that the relationship’s future is limited.
I like my own company, and choosing to be alone – rather than be around people who are not good for me, for whatever reason, is extremely satisfying and Empowering
Awesome comment, Kathleen. You are very wise to listen to your body’s response to a person and to check their actions ans nonverbal communication and not their words and outer appearance.
Thank you so much
You’re very welcome! 😊
I think these tips are really good because so many people don’t realize where the boundaries are . 🌺
Thank you so much, Kymber. Sadly, many people have been trained to ignore their boundaries and take other people’s crap. We need to spread the word that it’s okay to have boundaries and enforce them if necessary.
Thank you Cherie, again this is great advice I wish I had half a century ago. Still, I strongly encourage anyone who has experienced what we have to read this.
You’re very welcome, Michael. Sadly, many have been trained not to have boundaries and this is wrong. People need to know that it’s okay to have them and enforce them when they need to.