Do you want to know the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that you can feel more confident and have the courage to get things done?
When people are targeting you for bullying, raising self-esteem can be difficult. If, you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how you can get your confidence back and reclaim your life. As someone who survived and overcame bullying myself, I’m giving you the same mind-hacks that I used to finally boost my confidence and change my life for the better
You are going to learn about all the tried and true mind hacks that work in helping you to not only win back your confidence, but also take back your personal power.
After you learn about all these clever mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem you will feel and be more confident than you ever thought possible.
This post is all about the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem that every target of bullying needs to know.
Raising Self-Esteem
Before we get into the mind-hacks, lets discuss the harmful effects of low self-esteem and how it can negatively alter your life.
Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As you probably know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health.
Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
In fact, you can take control over how your bullies’ attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can re-frame the attacks and purposefully buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.
Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help you in raising self-esteem:
1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.
When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it. If bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else.
For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless. Therefore, it’s about them, not you.
Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable too. Making you feel bad about yourself is the only way they can feel better about themselves.
Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to re-frame their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.
Again, bullies draw their power by stripping others of theirs and making them feel powerless. When bullies attack you, they are projecting their own feelings of worthlessness unto you.
The only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. Always remember that!
2. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.
Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’ve either already done it or they are doing it now.
This is called, “projection” and it’s a classic bullying tactic that bullies and tyrants have used down through the ages. Moreover, bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.
For example, Back during World War II, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.” He described the use of projection in a nutshell.
Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and more intelligently.
As a result your confidence will soar!
3. Raising Self-Esteem means realizing that Your bullies only speak from their own worldview.
This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams.
For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. They may butt in and say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”
Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything in their entire lives. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures.
Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:
“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”
So, any time your bullies try to pee on your goals, ask yourself these questions:
Have any of your bullies ever published a book?
Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?
Do they even know anything about book publishing?
Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!
4. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.
In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from some smart-alicky classmate or coworker.
The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children. They may even be a best friend, or a trusted mentor.
Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.
Moreover, they are the people who will be honest with you even if it stings a little. In other words, they won’t be afraid to give you constructive criticism and they will do this to help you and keep you safe.
Therefore, their words are golden!
However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.
Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they only want what’s best for you and are out for your good.
5. Bullies Can’t Insult nor offend you unless you Place value On their opinions.
To rephrase this, for others to insult you, you must first value their opinions. Ouch! I know, that hurts! But you should realize that a bully’s words aren’t worth considering.
Any time you allow their insults to get under your skin, you give them validation, which is something your bullies do not deserve.
Therefore, just let them talk and embrace it! Stop thinking that something must be wrong with you. Because you’re fine just the way you are.
In fact, here are a few positive ways you can look at it:
a. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.
And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. When they talk about you, good or bad, they make you relevant.
B. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.
So, who’s really in control here?
C. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to.
It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled by you with little effort on your part.
D. They must really admire you and want to be like you.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. They’re admitting that they don’t have lives of their own. So, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!
E. They have an Obsession with you.
Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”
So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense.
Just sit back, smile, and let the pettiness amuse you. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the petty attacks too.
When you finally wise up and take this approach, the results will surprise you and your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.
Therefore, attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!
Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse.
The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart.
Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!
Most importantly, remember that with knowledge comes empowerment.
This post was all about the simple but powerful mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that they can be a buffer to your bullies attacks and give you the confidence boost that you need.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps
3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators
4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
Great advice to give and I’m sorry you had to go through all of that hell to get to where you are now, like me. I hope others will learn from your experiences.
Thank you so much, Michael. I hope so too.
Another good post. Glad you are blogging again, Cherie.
Thank you so much, Royii! Much appreciated!
Hey Mrs.White,
Sent you another email, thank you! I appreciate you so much!
Sure, I’ll go look at it as soon as I can. Getting ready to go somewhere today so I’ll see it when I return home.
Thank you! I can’t wait for your response!
Self-esteem is so vital and kind of at the end of the day is the biggest thing any person who has been bullied or has witnessed bullying can take from the entire cause. Don’t let other people define you, stick up for yourself and realize a true bully is the one with issues.
Allow me to provide what I have learned in my life and works for me. I will apologize for length here.
One, have a sense of humor about one’s own quirks. I can own that I am kind of uncoordinated. I literally can hurt myself in any situation. I can have mush mouth at times where I will trip over my own words and I talk way too much. I have no introvert in me. Many of my hobbies are kind of nerdy AND I love that about myself.
Two, learn to be forceful and also learn to be straight up with people you have encountered in your life. It can be hard when you are a kid. Most teens feel uncomfortable in their own skin at times, it is actually normal. But as adults, many mature and grow into amazing swans. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you learned in your life and how you grew from. Don’t be afraid to say yeah I was that kid with acne and braces (not that it should matter) but that is not me today. Don’t be afraid to talk about your successes. And people are going to think this sounds weird, but one of the most freeing things in the world occurred when I told someone I look up to admire that has always been a friend. But I always had a crush on them and to this day I think the world of them and think they have much to offer. I have zero bad to say about them at all. But I finally came forward and admitted for years I carried feelings. And I honestly don’t think they ever realized it. Had I been more self-assured and forceful and maybe flirted a little better, who knows. I don’t know why talking to them about it even though it is past history for some reason freed me of that. Plus I also learned, and I am not going to say they had the exact feelings, but I now know they had at least had some attraction too or more than I thought. It has boosted my self-confidence immensely.
Third, find true friends. The problem with too many of us is the need to always be liked (a sign actually of lack of self-esteem because ten people can love us, but instead of focusing on them we worry about the one who doesn’t). And too many of us have Frenemies. They aren’t really enemies per say, but they don’t have a ton of true love for us either and will turn on a dime. Look, friends sometimes get mad at one another. I have a friend of mine that we will have a knock down dragout maybe once a year but it actually is true emotion due to expectation of one another and actual love. Sometimes you even need space for a minute but at the end of the day you have each other’s back. Those are the people who will build self-esteem for you naturally and can bring out the best of you even in a heated moment. AND NEVER let a significant other stop you from maintaining friendships and spent time with your friends!
Four, have zero tolerance of blatant jealousy and lack of support by a spouse or significant other. Look, everyone has a small amount of jealousy in them but when a man feels threatened by every male a woman talks to or a woman feels threatened by every woman her man talks to, run! You are going to be accused or questioned with every action you have. If you are on the phone with someone and then have to hang up because your spouse gets home and is going to question you, then tell them goodbye. And partners support one another. Yes, talk things out and ask for their opinion based on your strengths and weaknesses. However, if you want to run naked at the South Pole, then find a partner that may shake their head but is going to support you. Expect nothing less. Yet too many of us tolerate it over and over again and even make excuses for them or question our own abilities and that does one’s self-esteem no favors. And the more times you let your partner get away with it, the more control you have given them and none of us will ever accomplish half of what we are capable of. I would rather be alone than be with someone that doesn’t support me.
Five, Be sexy! When I say that, I am talking about what makes you feel better about yourself. That may mean a new wardrobe, dye your hair, whatever. I was reading the other day about women talking about if a woman over 40 should wear short-shorts or a Bikini. My thought? Absolutely if you feel comfortable and it makes you feel sexy. Just because someone is 40 or over doesn’t mean they don’t steal look great in it and if you are mowing the grass in your own yard bothering no one, why wouldn’t you? Tell your spouse/partner/friends you want to go out on the town and go to a nice restaurant, movie, play, dance whatever and you want to dress up for it. Build up your sexiness.
Six, Be realistic about your age. I think we tend to get caught up so many times trying to compete with the younger generation. If you are 50, are you going to look like you did when you were 20? Probably not. But ask yourself, am I doing pretty well for someone my age. Realize your stamina may not be the same but you learn how to channel it better. And realize wisdom and experience are something you have over people much younger. Realize, hey what I just did is pretty good for someone my age.
Lastly, stop relying on vices to keep you going. So many of us rely on alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, etc. Look we all have ways of dealing with stressbut besides the health factors, we also are showing we are as confident in dealing what life throws at as as we need to be. It is hard to end vices, very hard but speaking personally when I cleaned up my lifestyle I realized not only how much better I felt physically but also mentally.
Awesome points, SC! Especially the be sexy and the vices part. Sexy is wearing whatever makes you comfortable and vices can really damage our health if we’re not careful. Also, the fake friends part that you mentioned is so important. We must all be very selective of our friends in order to keep the fakes out. Blessings to you always!