Do you want to know how to go about putting yourself first so that you can live a freer and more peaceful and purposeful life?
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity, especially if you’re a victim or target of bullying.
Sadly, many people have been conditioned from childhood to believe that putting yourself first is self-centered and greedy. Therefore, they put others before them to such an extent that they end of tolerating use and abuse.
In this post, you will learn the importance of putting yourself first. Also, you will learn the best, most time-tested self-care practices and how to practice them free of shame.
After learning these things, you will more readily prioritize your own needs. Best of all, you won’t feel any quilt nor shame when it’s time to take care of you.
This post is all about the importance of putting yourself first to help you give yourself the same love you give others, and do it guilt-free.
Putting Yourself First
Before we get into the practices, let’s make this absolutely clear.
Putting others first isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. Therefore, it’s an outstanding character trait to have.
However, many people have been conditioned, often by well-meaning parents, that the polite thing to do is to put others ahead of themselves. That making sacrifices for others shows manners and that they are “good people.”
However, when you overdo that courtesy or you do it at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. The problem is that people will come to expect you to be a yes-person and take their crap.
Then, sooner or later, you’ll begin attracting users and abusers and become a doormat.
In taking this advice, many of us found out the hard way that giving too much of ourselves sometimes involved overlooking abuse. Even worse, we found that it didn’t make the mistreatment go away but only encouraged the person to abuse us later.
Growing up, you hear every excuse imaginable:
“Oh, they’re just having a bad day.”
“Maybe they have an abusive or cheating spouse at home.”
“Oh, but you never know what that person is going through.” Blah-blah-b-blah.
A few adults in your family and a few teachers more than likely advise you to,
“Give them a break.”
“Cut so-and-so some slack.”
“Try to overlook him.”
“Oh, but try to put yourself in her shoes.”
“Be reasonable.”
I know how you must have felt. That probably got old very quickly and you eventually grew fed up and wanted to scream,“Um- EXCUSE ME! I’ve been ‘reasonable,’ and the only thing I ever got from it is taken advantage of! Would you be reasonable if this happened to you?!”
Therefore, no matter what anyone tells you, it’s okay to put yourself first. And no law or rule says you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior- from anyone! Ever!
Anytime people mistreat you, then someone advises or forces you to “be nice” or “understand what Joe Blow is going through,” it only means that, subconsciously, the givers of this advice either don’t care about your boundaries, or they’re afraid of making the offending person angrier, and of the situation escalating.
Some people just can’t handle conflict. They are only trying to silence you to appease the person who’s being a total jackass.
These kinds of advice and expectations can do one of either two things to you as you get older:
A. It can program you to be over tolerant of unacceptable and abusive behaviors and set you up for a life of getting bullied by other people.
In other words, you grow up being so afraid of pissing anyone off that you accept any abuse to avoid conflict. You end up living a life of being crapped on by others.
B. It can have the exact opposite effect and give you an “F-you” attitude and a bad case of The Don’t-Give-A-Craps.
Put another way, because others have forced you to accept bad behavior in the past, you become a mean, bitter, and apathetic adult and could care less about anyone. That’s not good either.
Maybe you’re like me, one of the lucky ones. It gives you an equal blend of both. You believe in treating others how you’d want them to treat you and don’t mind lending a helping hand to someone who needs it.
But if for one moment, you suspect that someone is taking your kindness for being a fool, you’ll drop that person like a bad habit and they’re on their own!
Here’s the point. It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to put others before you, but only in particular circumstances.
Here Are a Few examples.
It’s perfectly fine to give an older adult your chair in a crowded doctor’s office.
It’s okay to get up and offer your seat to a combat soldier in a crowded airport.
In fact, it’s called having respect for elders and servicemen and women who fight for your country.
But never take abuse nor accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Anytime someone crosses a line with you, go ahead. Respond in kind. Give it back to them because only then will the person realize that you aren’t a doormat and find someone else to abuse.
Realize that you are not selfish or being self-centered. It’s called self-preservation. And now for the habits you must get into to put yourself first.
Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Habits to Practice
1. Set Boundaries and Say No when you must.
You must have boundaries or you won’t have any respect.
Saying no to others automatically establishes boundaries. It also means saying yes to yourself.
By saying no, you give yourself the gift of choice and autonomy. Many people, especially bullies, will demand that you go along with something that isn’t good for you.
Therefore, saying no and putting up boundaries can be essential for your well being. Never say yes to anything that puts you in danger or makes you uncomfortable.
Trust your feelings, be true to yourself, and say “no,” no matter what the cost. This is putting yourself first.
2. Make Time for Yourself.
In other words, make time to rest, relax, be alone, and just chill. Also, make time to pursue your own interests. Work on your goals and put in the work to make your dreams come true. Dedicate 2-3 hours of your day for you-time. And know that you are worth it and you deserve it.
3. Putting yourself first means asking for Help.
Admit it. Sometimes you need a little help. We all do.
Realize that you’re human and you can’t conquer the world. Especially not by yourself. Therefore, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
If you need your husband to help you clean the kitchen because you’re not feeling well. Ask him. Or, if you need help with your algebra homework, it’s perfectly okay to ask your older brother to help you.
Besides, all they can do is say no. They aren’t going to shoot you for it. So, learn to take risks. That means asking for help when you need it.
4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
Making mistakes is a part of being human. However, it is also how we learn. So, try new things and don’t be afraid of not doing it right the first time. You learn more from mistakes than you do anything else.
5. Putting yourself first also means Doing what you know is right for you.
In other words, make your own decisions. You will have people, especially bullies and haters, who try to butt in and tell you what they think you should do. Don’t listen to their squawking.
Only you can do what’s best for you. Only you know what decisions to make in your life. Do what you feel is best for you.
You may or may not make the right decisions. However, if you make the wrong choices, learn from them. Only you can live your life. No one else can do it for you.
6. Never Concern yourself with other’s opinions.
Realize that most opinions you get from others, especially those from bullies, don’t (or shouldn’t) matter. When you worry about what other people think, you become a slave to them. In other words, they own your butt!
Everyone has an opinion. The only opinions you should be concerned with are those of God, yourself, and the people who love and care for you the most.
This is another lesson in putting yourself first. When you put first your opinions and those of people who love you, you automatically put yourself first.
7. Make time to Do the things you love to do the most.
If that’s travel, then make time for it. If you love playing music, make time for that. When you’re engaged in your hobbies and favorite things, you add meaning and happiness to your life.
There may be those who ridicule you over your hobbies. But realize that people who make fun of your favorite things to do have no hobbies of their own.
Therefore, continue to do the things that fulfill you. It makes life so much more enjoyable and meaningful.
This post was all about putting yourself first so that you can live your life freely and with purpose and meaning.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps
2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know
5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn
Completely agree with everything you say here.
Thank you so much. <3
That’s true, I choose to put myself first 🌻
There ya go! That’s the spirit! 😀
🥰
Felt so good to stand up to that manager at work who tried to coax me into missing my last Who concert two years ago!
That’s so awesome! What you did was very brave and you showed that you weren’t to be controlled! <3
You made a good point about the difference between respect and disrespect.
Thank you so much, Bernadette. This means a lot. <3
I concur, you make a good point. The problem I had is when I did try to stand up for myself, it got twisted around to I was the instigator or trouble maker and everyone seemed to take the bully’s side.
That happens a lot. The same happened to me too back in the day. But, if I’d known then what I know today. I would have continued to stand up for myself no matter the consequences. And I would do that today most definitely. I’d rather suffer the consequences of asserting my right not to be abused and get my head beat in then to end up hating myself later for not standing my ground. But that’s just me, Michael. 🙂
Agree, yes for me first❤️❤️❤️
These are my thoughts as well. I learned to stand up for me.
I’m so glad you did, and, in the process, reclaimed your freedom and peace of mind. 🙂❤
It took me long long to recognize, learn and practice this kind of self love, self care and establish healthy boundaries. You write very clearly, would definitely help those still unaware. I was glad to see that I have truly grown and become skilled at walking away. I love how you have a great balance at it.
You are so right. In some cases, there are people who take up the bully’s side and gang up against you. You see, the bully’s voice is always stronger…But I guess we have to persevere and stand up for ourselves, even if no one supports us. This was a very good article.
Thank you so much. You’re so right. Bullies only have power others give them and sometimes we must stand alone. 💖
Wonderful post! Your points are cool!!
Thank you so much. <3 :)
🌞 Great reading, thank you!! It took time for me to think this way but now that I do, I won’t go back anymore.
Thank you so much, Stella. I’m so proud of you for making the decision to put yourself first. Lord knows, you deserve it, sweetie!
Hi Mrs.White,
I am sorry to bother you. I know I am being annoying but I sent you a long message off the contact information on the front of your website but haven’t gotten a response yet. Did I do something wrong, is it not working?
Hi, Jill. You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetie. I had to step away for a while. Had to run several errands and am taking care of my husband, who recently had surgery. I will respond to your email as soon as I can.
Oh, and you’re not being annoying. I promise you that. 🙂