Incivility vs bullying. ‘Want to know the difference between the two? Here are the many ways they differ.
Many people mistake incivility for bullying.
In the post, you will learn the difference of incivility vs bullying. Also, you’ll learn how to tell which is which.
Once you learn all this important information, you will be better able to see the difference when they happen. Moreover, you will know how to respond more appropriately.
This post is all about incivility vs bullying. Also, it teaches you the patterns and behaviors to look for in each so that you can more accurately call it out.
Incivility vs Bullying
In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rude and obnoxious. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.
Everyone deals with incivility but not everyone gets bullied.
Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and negative, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.
Therefore, when is hurtful behavior classified as bullying? How do we tell the difference between bullying and incivility? Also, what is the difference between a jerk and a bully?
Before we go any further, let’s define bullying.
The Definition of Bullying
Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening
(https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)
Incivility vs Bullying:
The Misuse of the term “Bullying”
In today’s climate, people use the word, “bullying” too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.
In fact, many stick the label to anyone who says anything they don’t agree with. They often confuse bullying with anything someone says that they don’t like.
Therefore, we have a duty to give the proper definition of bullying. Moreover, we must learn to differentiate bullying from other forms of conflict.
All too often, people confuse bullying with:
- Disagreements and truthful debates
- Misunderstandings
- Stubbornness
- Incivility and jerky behavior
Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does anything they don’t like.
Sure. There are those who are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.
Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.
So, what are the differences of incivility vs bullying?
1. Bullying Requires a target Victim. Incivility Doesn’t.
Bullying requires a target! In other words, bullies single out one person to abuse.
Anyone, at any age, can fall victim to bullying. Also, there is evidence that suggests that child and teen targets are more likely to grow up to be bullied, adults. A few don’t, but most do.
Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t need a target. The uncivil person just has a rotten attitude and the behavior is random. In other words, the person is just a jerk and their meanness is aimed at everyone.
All bullies, regardless of age, deep down at their core, are cowards! A jerk just doesn’t care. Period.
Again, bullying requires a target victim. Take the victim out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist. Incivility, on the other hand, has no particular target person. An uncivil person is mean to anyone.
In other words, bullies target you specifically. People who are uncivil treat everyone like dirt, not just you.
2. Incivility vs Bullying:
Bullying is a pattern. Incivility Isn’t.
As mentioned in the last section, bullying is a pattern. It repeats itself over and over. Incivility, on the other hand, is sporadic.
In other words, bullies repeat the behavior against you. There’s a reason why bullies repeat their behavior. It’s to tear down your confidence and make you doubt your worth.
The repeated attacks serve to brainwash you and convince you that you have no value. Think about it. Tyrannical governments also brainwash their target people with repeated attacks.
Therefore, there’s a reason for the repetition. Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth. Repeat a behavior often enough and it becomes normalized. Bullying operates the same exact way.
On the other hand, Incivility isn’t repeated, especially against the same person. Again, jerks direct their vicious attitudes toward all kinds of people.
3. Bullying Lasts a Long Period of Time.
Not only do bullies repeat their attacks against the same individual or group. They also do it over a long period of time (usually from 3 weeks to several years). Therefore, it is relentless.
Bullying is long-term because it takes time to take the desired effect on the victim. In other words, targets of bullying don’t break down overnight. The breakdown is almost always a cumulative result of bullying.
Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t last long at all. In fact, it only requires a one-time occurrence.
For example, you’re driving and you accidentally pull in front of someone.
They lay on the horn and scream, “Watch where the hell you’re going you moron!” That’s not bullying. It’s incivility.
4. Incivility vs Bullying:
Bullying is a Campaign with a goal. Incivility Has No Particular Goal.
Bullies often persuade others, even total strangers, to join in on tormenting you. They go around defaming you to anyone who’ll listen.
They do this to isolate you by lessening your chances of making new friends and destroying your existing relationships.
The goal of bullying is to isolate, demoralize, and destroy the target victim. Therefore, bullies start by employing smears to destroy the target’s good name and standing in a community.
Moreover, it can tear down their relationships, family, career, finances and businesses. Consequently, the cumulative result is that bullying ruins the target’s self-esteem and their life.
5. Bullying is personal.
As mentioned earlier, bullies require a target. Also, bullying requires an agenda and vendetta. Bullies will actively pursue you and make it their mission in life to destroy you.
Uncivil people, on the other hand, have no agenda nor vendetta. Therefore, they don’t care who you are or where you come from. They just have personalities that suck. These people are just jerks.
Jerks treat everyone in general, like dirt. Moreover, they only insult you because they don’t want you to bother them with anything. They’ll never put in the time or effort to pursue anyone.
Jerks are equal opportunity dirt bags.
A jerk just doesn’t care about anyone. Period. This kind of person is just afraid you might want something from him. On the other hand, a bully wants something from YOU.
Examples of Incivility vs Bullying:
Jerky Behavior.
If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. That’s not bullying.
Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.
Bullying would be if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street. In other words, he’d have to repeat the behavior and continue to harass you.
Only then would this be a case of bullying. Why? Because the knucklehead would be using his size and height to intimidate you. Also, he’d be repeating the behavior every day.
Voicing an Opinion.
Kathy and Kelly live across the street from each other. Kelly asks Kathy what she thinks of her new next-door neighbor. Kathy answers, saying, “I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”
Kathy is not a bully. Is she highly opinionated? Yes. Is she an asshole? Probably. But she’s not necessarily a bully.
However, if Kathy continues this behavior for a length of time, then yes. She would be a bully. If she smears the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood to turn everyone against them, then you could call it bullying.
Incivility vs Bullying:
Arguments and debates.
If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying. This goes even if the argument is heated.
However, incivility becomes bullying when one of the arguers begins repeatedly calling the other names and shaming them because they don’t share their beliefs. Moreover, if the person continues to harass the other long after the debate is finished, then, yes, it’s bullying.
To protect yourself from being falsely labeled a bully, you must know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Only then will you be able to distinguish between each and correct anyone who tries to stick you with that label.
And you will do it confidently.
THis post is all about the differences of incivility vs bullying so that you can better recognize the differences between the two and call out bullying when you see it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t
2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up
Kudos to you for clarifying this. Bullying as a term has been overused. People need to know the difference.
Thank you so much, Michael. And you’re right… way overused!