Bullying is hurtful no matter how confident you are, that much is true. We’re all human and we all have feelings and emotions. However, the effects of it are even more damaging when we’re insecure and only look outside of ourselves for our value, in fact, the damage to the self-esteem is exponentially higher.
The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.
Therefore, I have repeatedly emphasized over six years of blogging that knowing your worth is your foundation and that it’s never good to look outside of ourselves for it. Understand that your value, or worth, whatever term you prefer, comes from within and never from without.
Here’s why it’s better to let your value come from the inside:’
1. You can never control the environment around you. Many times, we will find ourselves in toxic environments full of poisonous people, whether it be the school we attend, the company we work for, or the home or neighborhood we live in. When you know yourself and, in that, know your value and let it come from the inside, any bullying or abuse you’re likely to get from others won’t have such an impact on you.
It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be nearly as devastating and cause you to suppress as much of yourself because, deep down, you’ll know who you are and that the people around you are only saying the things they say to diminish you.
Also, when the crap gets too thick, you’ll know when it’s time to bail out of the environment. In knowing yourself and knowing your worth, you’ll realize that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment and that you’re better off leaving this cesspit and moving on to greener pastures.
And you’ll do it without feeling guilty- you’ll do it knowing that it isn’t because you’re “chicken” or “running away from your problems” but because you deserve better. You’ll know what’s best for you, and that it’s because you’re looking out for the best interests of your health.
2. You can never control others’ behavior and how they think of you. And because of this, it’s never good to rely on the approval of others for your value. Understand that there will always be people who don’t like you and some who even hate you and when you depend solely on the approval of others, you make yourself a doormat. Please, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, don’t give another person that kind of power!
When your value comes from within, you will have respect for yourself, you will love yourself and you will have great self-esteem. You will give yourself compassion and care when others take pot shots at you. You will have the confidence and courage to protect yourself and stand up to abuse. You will know without a shadow of a doubt that the idiots around you are the ones who have the issues and not you.
Your value should always from you. Never from another. You get your value from knowing who you are and knowing that you were put on this earth for a good reason. Realize that everyone serves a good and higher purpose here. You may or may not know what that purpose is, but you are here for a purpose. Find that purpose and fulfill it. And know your value!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
0 thoughts on “The Problem with Looking Outside of Yourself for Your Value”
Absolutely great insight…loved it
Thank you so much. 😊🤗
This fabulous post is very close to my heart. I used to worry what people would say, think or feel about me. I used to worry whether I have offended anyone and that person regarded me as a bad girl. After going through several traumatic experiences, I realized that it’s impossible to please everyone in this world, no matter how good you are! Now I am leading a very happy life and feel that we are answerable only to our God and our conscience.
Bingo! I love your comment and I agree! It sounds like you’re growing and you are on the right path! I’m so proud of you! 💖🎉🌹
Thank you so much. Your words of encouragement and appreciation mean a lot to me.
You’re most welcome. 😊
You should newer think what others think about you is my opinion. I dont care what others say. All people can’t be equal. Many people judge how someone looks outside. Beauty is in people heart
I just read a really great post at Banter Republic blog and one line was “When you realize your self worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Perfectly aligned to the points you’re making here!
Thank you so much! 💖 Sadly, it takes years before most of us learn our self-worth. Banter Republic is an awesome blog, I need to get over there!
Indeedy. Yes it’s a great blog. Most times he has me cracking up from laughter but his points are spot on!!!!
Me too! 😃 He’s a very talented comedian!
That he is!!
I read that too
These points are so important to remember. Thank you for the great post!
You’re most welcome, Sara! 💖💐🌹
Absolutely great 👍
Thank you so much, Alfreda! 💖💐
Do you value yourself? 🤔 Wow Cherie, what a self-defining, self-examining question. I love it! This brings it home:
“The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.”
Excellent message and you defined your points so radiantly my dear! 🎆😊🌟🤗💖😁🦋
Thank you so much, Kym! 💖 Your inspiration is worth more than gold, sweetie! 🕊💐🌹💫
Oh Cherie, you are soooo welcome as always. I applaud your tenacity to help others through your revelations from personal experiences and observations. You’re brave and I admire that my dear friend. Keep soaring! 🦅💖🦋
Always, sweetie! 🦋🦅🕊
Thank you for this!
You’re most welcome. 🙂
Blessings back atcha. <3
This blog is beautiful! Truly hit the heart and speaks TRUTH! Thank you for sharing this!
You’re most welcome! And thank you so much for your thoughts. You encourage me more than you know. <3
Thank you so much. I’m so glad you like it. My hope is that the message gives hope to many. Sending lot of love and light your way. <3
Hello. Can you check latest blog about animals ant tell you opinion. 🤗🙏👍
I sure can. Give me a few minutes and I’ll brb.
Your blog is hard to get to on the web. Let me see if I can get to it through Reader. BRB
It’s a done deal. You post was well-written and I’ve posted my comment.
Thank you. You can’t load my website?
Not from the web, maybe it’s something in the settings, I don’t know.
Only this one post or other to?
The whole site. I use Mozilla Firefox so maybe their servers are the problem. I don’t know. But there are other ways to get to your site and Reader is one of them.
What web browser do you use?
I must check
If you’re try other blog to open is same problem?
I got to your site through Reader. Easy peezy! 🙂
And with google or duckduck go?
google is good. I used duckduckgo and it was fine.
Now it work if you enter fastlivenostress.online ?
It does through google or firefox. Mozilla may be having an issue but they usually fix it.
Where do you live?
I live in Austria . Near border Hungary
It’s a pleasure to meet you. Austria is a beautiful country I hear.
Yeah. We have now you must become covid injection. If you dont then 700-1500 dollars
That’s not right. In my country, we believe that one should have sovereignty over their own body. If you don’t have sovereignty over your own body, then you have no freedom let. Our leaders are trying to do the same to us but we push back.
Are leaders becoming much much money from pffizer. First was astra zeneca,sinopharm, Johnson,moderna. Now is only pffizer. You must wear mask. If you dont have COVID injection then you can buy. Only groceries. Its sad. I think this is how in bible. Number of beast. If you don’t have then you can’t sell or buy.
True. But too many of the people are fighting back. I believe they might be pushing their mark before it’s time.
I must check this. Many people can’t visit me
mozilla it didn’t do so well. Google and duckduckgo were fine.
Have people who read on other platforms
I tried google and duckduckgo and got to it. Maybe it’s something with Firefox.
Ok 👍🤗🙏. I was afraid that dont work. I payed for this year 500 dollars that should work fine.
Wow! That’s high! But it’s the browsers that sometimes screw up.
I pay extra more for security
Great message…. Love it
Thank you so much. 😊
Very encouraging words, thank you Cherie.
You’re most welcome, Michael! 😊
When we exercise empathy not only for others but ourselves we we see clarity. Brilliant blog 😇
Thank you so much. This means a lot. 💖
A grand slam article. Knocked it out of the park!
Thank you so much, Jack! 🙂
I took this post to heart because it really speaks to me. ♥️
This means so much. You don’t know how much this warms my heart. I’m so thankful you got such positivity out of this article. 😊🤗🕊
I think you can really relate to my sensitivities concerning these issues. Thank you! 🤗♥️🌺
Absolutely 💯💯 I was saying the same thing yesterday to one of my friends…and I would love to share this to her…..💫💫💫
Thank you so much! 😊 Feel free to share this with your friend. May many blessings come your way.
Very well expressed!❣️❣️ Sending u lots of love & positive vibes from India😊😊
Thank you so much, Prachi. 🕊
So much of this comes from the pain those bullied regularly feel. So many lack self confidence. Many times someone may have been bullied as a child and not as much as an adult (though adults can be bullied too) but they never regain their self-esteem and often times the bullied go looking outside of themselves for relief. Sometimes this even involves alcohol or drug abuse to numb the pain or bad relationships where they just want someone to pay them attention or they mistake sex for love. You have to get confident within your own self and that’s hard for many to do.
You’re exactly right with everything you mentioned here. And sadly, doing so can take years. It took me years and I had tonput in a lot of inner work.
Yes, we need to set some compassion boundaries to know our values. Feeling good and worthy is the catalyst to do more good.
You’re absolutely right, Zao! If we don’t feel good, we don’t do good and we’re not fun to be around. I so appreciate your comment. 😀
You’re most welcome😁
This is really nice, and I love it🙌🏻
Thank you so much, Josef. 🕊
Exactly what’s needed for people who seek validation from people. I used to be that guy but never again
I can totally relate, Flash. 💯 I used to be that girl but thank goodness not anymore.
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The post is very near to my heart.
Thank you so much. 😊 You don’t know how much I appreciate this. 🙏
This is an amazing post!…. Pl visit my website.
Thank you so much, Ananya. And I most definitely will. 💖😊
U too pls visit my website
Thank you so much, Prerna. 🙂
I thank you so much for your words of encouragement to me.
You’re most welcome! <3 Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It means a lot. 🙂
Thanks to insipire our generation
You’re most welcome. 🙂
“The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy” this speaks to me
I’m so glad it does, Rachel. Thank you so much. <3
Really awesome, i love it
Thank you so much. <3 This means a lot. 🙂
This hits hard, thank you for posting. I know it is problematic to look outside of yourself for your value– but I have no idea where to begin to correct this mindset.
You’re most welcome. 😊 Getting comfortable in your own skin takes years sometimes. But you can begin by listing your great qualities and go from there.
So well said <3
Thank you for your 'Follow' on my Blog!!
So well said!!! <3
Thank you for your 'Follow' on my Blog 😀
You’re most welcome, Patrice! And thank you for your positive comment! 😀 You’re more than welcome to follow me too. <3
Dear Cherie, Beautiful write-up
Thank you so much, Anand. 😊
Some wonderful advice, particularly for young people. It resonated with me as I work in a public arena (journalism) and had to get used to people not liking (sometimes aggressively) a particularly truth I was writing about when my career began in my early 20s.
It has also been a great comfort to me, over the many years since, to know that God says I am worthy of His love. That drowns out the other stuff hurting people can sometimes dish out on other people.
Thank you so much. <3 Isn't it wonderful that when people turn against us, God is always there? I'm so glad that you knew God was there and you didn't let the hurtful words and actions of others put a dent in your self-esteem nor change you into someone you don't recognize. You did the best thing by leaning on God. Sadly, I didn't lean on Him during the six years I was severely bullied and mobbed. And I should have. Know that I appreciate your comment about your own experiences, I love reading these kinds of stories. <3
Se placer à la recherche de ce que les autres peuvent penser de vous, témoigne d’un besoin d’assurance qui vous fait défaut et qui va au supermarché de la pensée chercher ce qui ne s’y trouve pas mais qu’on promotionne
L’assurance vient de soi au terme d’un apprentissage de la vie pour obtenir une culture humaniste non monnayable
Je ne m’appuie pas sur un dieu quel qu’il soitmais respecte ton choix aussi en vertu de ce qui précède m’abonne chez toi. Merci d’avoir fait de m’aime chez moi.
Bonne journée …
Thank you so much, Lois! This means a lot. And yes, your acceptance and validation should always come from you and you only.
Have a great day. 🙂
What you have said here is so very spot-on!
Thank you so much, Rae! Your comment means a lot! <3
So true Cherie. Bullying says more about the other person than yourself but it is disturbing and distressing at times for those you are the targets. Practical blog post with a good approach to this issue. As I say I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that is OK because I am a coffee drinker!
Thank you so much! And you have the right attitude! I admire that! 🙂
Thank you Cherie. I was talking to my vicar this morning about inviting her to speak at an International Women’s Day luncheon I am involved in and the subject of bullying came up. She served as an army chaplain both here and overseas. I mentioned your blog post that I had read two hours before. We both agreed with the need for self worth and standing up to the bullies. I must send her the link to your blog!
Thank you so much! You don’t know how honored and humbled I am. Feel free to send her the blog link. <3
No worries Cherie. Just been talking to another older lady I know and talking about our women’s day luncheon. As women we have a long way but still a lot of work to do yet. I sent your blog post to my vicar with thanks!
Thank you so much! 💖 What is your name, by the way?
Cherie my name is Lynn. When I started my blog five years ago I decided not to use my own name but I am realizing now if I want to promote my writing it is better to use my real name!
It’s so nice to meet you, Lynn! And I agree. You can always get a signature. I’ve never had to have it and don’t know how to get it but I’ve seen posts of other bloggers have their signature at the end of their posts. I hope this helps.
Some do, some don’t. I think when I started my blog it was more personal and I also used it as part of my reflective journal for my studies. I’m still thinking what my focus should be and what can I offer the world!
You’ll find your path. It might take a while, but You’ll find it. 😊
Sometimes we just need to push the boulders aside!
Absolutely right! Those boulders may feel impossible to move at times, but they can be moved. 😊💖🦋
Learning not to allow others to define one’s self is a liberation. On the other hand, how we act with others does say a great deal about ourselves.
Right on both points, Carl! 💯
From past 4 days, I am not getting a single view from my wordpress readers. I am unable to find the issue why views are not coming. Can you please help me out by telling that whether people are not able to find my posts or other problme?
I’m afraid that would be better to get a WordPress technician to handle. How you contact a technician is to click my sites, stats, then the question mark in the righthand, lower part of your screen.