Living in The Past Is a Hallmark of Victim-Mentality

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A while back, a fellow blogger inspired this post with a comment, and she was spot on with it. For the life of me, I cannot remember who the blogger was, but I’d like to thank her in advance.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying still render themselves, victims by living in the past. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wondering if they could have done anything differently and wishing they had.

They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret. Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand because I did it too. However, when this goes on for years and years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Many survivors trap themselves in an endless cycle of what-ifs. They keep themselves stuck and forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from their experiences. Some seek revenge. Others only bury it, live in denial, and try to rewrite history.

Understand that this is a waste of your time.

On the other hand, some survivors become conquerors. They acknowledge that, yes, the bullying happened, and, yes, it was painful, then aspire to learn and grow from it.

I realize that, once you’re out of an extremely toxic environment, there will be a period of grief. Again, completely understandable. It’s okay to mourn the loss of time bullying caused. It’s okay, even recommended, to feel angry and hurt for a while. In no way should you ever trivialize this period of mourning because it’s real, and it happens to survivors when they’re fresh out of an abusive situation.

And different people have different periods of grief.

My crying stage lasted a month; yours may be a lot longer or shorter. It depends on the person. Some may choose to get therapy, and others won’t. But there comes the point when you must move on and not allow it to take over your life. Don’t let your bullies live in your mind rent-free for too many years. They’ve already taken away enough of your life. Don’t you think?

You owe it to yourself to heal and begin to accept what happened, then learn and grow from it. Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

0 thoughts on “Living in The Past Is a Hallmark of Victim-Mentality

  1. Jen says:

    We all heal differently and there is no timeline, especially when you have CPTSD. It phsyically alters our brains. There is no “just getting over” our past.

    • cheriewhite says:

      It’s true that you don’t completely get over it and it does alter your brain, youre right. 💯 But you can turn your pain into power by helping others who are suffering what you suffered. Even if you do it through writing, or public speaking, or music. There’s always a way to create something out of the pain you’ve endured. And that in itself is so liberating.

      It worked for me and now I enjoy writing about bullying and helping those who are targets today or helping survivors who are hurting.

      Know that I have compassion for you and everyone who has been bullied. Bullying and gaslighting is on of the hardest battles to fight. But once you see it for what it’s and the mindsets bullies have, you’ll be able to better counter them.

      Sending you lots of love and light. 💖🌟

    • cheriewhite says:

      Also, it will take a while with CPTSD because it’s worse than regular PTSD. I completely understand. Take all the time you need, Jen. In no way am I judging you. Some people intakes years. Know that I support you.

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