Which Do You Want to Be? A Victim or Victor?

Bad things happen to the best people all the time, and sometimes people get what they don’t deserve. Some of the greatest and purest of humans are brutalized. It’s an unfortunate and sad part of life, and no one ever said that life was fair.

But you can take something from it. You have the choice of being a victim, or you can choose to be an overcomer.

When you’re an overcomer, there’s no greater feeling than knowing how far you’ve come. “You grow through what you go through.”

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Rising Above Bullying

They tried to keep me oppressed

But I left them behind to reach success

They tried to bring me down

But I continued fighting and didn’t drown

I persevered and won my crown

At they stare me down with eyes of hate

I sail on through and continue to elevate

As they assault me with the evil word

With deaf ears, I press on their voices unheard

As they lay before me traps and snares

I avoid those snares and return a smug stare

As they fake, hiding their incompetence

I relax and move freely with confidence

As they align to attack me in droves

Like a Phoenix I rise above with love

 

I soar with the eagles

They only crawl with the snakes

Are You a Victim or Overcomer?

Bad things happen to the best people all the time, and sometimes people get what they don’t deserve. Some of the greatest and purest of humans are brutalized. It’s an unfortunate and sad part of life, and no one ever said that life was fair.

But you can take something from it. You have the choice of being a victim, or you can choose to be an overcomer.

When you’re an overcomer, there’s no greater feeling than knowing how far you’ve come. “You grow through what you go through.”

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Proven Ways to Shed Victim-Think: Why I’m No Longer a Victim

It’s because I don’t feel like I’m less than. Yes, my classmates called me the most horrible names in the English language. Yes, they physically beat, ridiculed, and smeared me. And yes, they destroyed my reputation. However, I’m still not a victim because their effects on me didn’t last.

I’m a survivor. In fact, I’m more than that- I’m a winner! Because they no longer have the power to make me feel that I’m less than human. No one has that power now. I’m not a victim because I don’t allow other people’s perceptions of me to determine how I feel about myself nor define me as a person. I know who I am, and I feel good about it.

My classmates may have taken my confidence away and at times, my physical well-being. But they could never take away my soul! They couldn’t take my integrity, my individuality, and my freedom of thought.

They couldn’t take any of the things that mattered!

Another reason I don’t feel like a victim is because I don’t feel any hate nor any desire to take revenge. My energy is better spent on my family, doing what I love to do, and working on my projects. I’m too busy doing me and mine. Understand that any time you hold hate and seek revenge over something that was done to you in the past, it comes from a victim mentality and from a place of feeling that you’re owed some form of satisfaction, restitution, or atonement. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

I want you to realize that a victim mentality is never good because it keeps you trapped in an abyss of hatred and misery. Anytime you have this mentality, you’re angry and depressed all the time. You feel like the world owes you. But what you don’t realize is that even if the world did give you what you feel you’re owed, you’d still never be happy and you’d only want more, more, and more.

It’s no way to live. I was there years ago and it’s a dark and ugly place.

Law of Attraction

I’m so glad that when I finally got tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled, my eyes were opened, and I changed my way of thinking.

So, how did I shed the victim-think?

1.By refusing to allow bullies from the past to take up space in my mind and by not wasting another drop of precious energy on people who were never worth it in the first place.

2. By accepting myself, flaws, quirks, and all. I finally decided that I was okay just the way God made me and that I needed no one else’s approval, least of all, the approval of backstabbers, fakes, and drama kings and queens who only pretended to be friends but weren’t out for my best interests.

3. I made it my mission to love and to take care of myself and the people who truly mattered. And that included weeding out toxic people who were only there to use me and to see me fail- those who didn’t belong in my life.

4. Lastly, I did it by focusing on the things that were important– I focused on God, family, my closest friends, and being the best version of me that I could possibly be instead of trying to please everyone and seek approval.

It’s okay to be angry and to take time out to feel those emotions when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to need time to heal. Just don’t set up shop and live in that yucky place for long. Because, if you stay there, it will ruin your life.

I can’t stress how important it is for you to rid yourself of victim-think. It’s the only way you’ll ever reach that beautiful place of self-acceptance and ultimately, peace and happiness. And once you do, it will be such sweet freedom!

You can do this! I’ve got faith in you!

Bullying Can Either Make You or Break You!

make or break

All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it, and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative, and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry, and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

narcissist bad attitude

For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

Letter to My Bullies- Your Anger and Personal Attacks Only Expose Your Guilt

Continued from Part 3…

And now, thanks to “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’sTrue Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying,” more and more people know the truth. They know what really happened- more people than you ever thought would find out back when we were in school.

Even though I wasn’t out for revenge when I wrote the book, and therefore, had the common decency to conceal your real names and omit certain events that would’ve called you out for the devils you are, I consciously chose not to identify your sorry butts. So, go ahead, show some chutzpah. Get offended, get angry, talk smack, I don’t care.

‘You see? The thing you don’t realize is that by getting your noses out of joint, you unwittingly called yourselves out! By opening your mouths, you exposed yourselves, and as I already knew you would! So, who’s the “retard” now?

I concealed your real names, which is more than what you deserved, yet you get your emotions so stirred up you end up telling off on yourselves! So, who are the stupid ones?

Here’s the thing. If someone had written a book about me and exposed me and all my dirt, but changed the name? I would’ve been smart enough to zip my lips and not to let on that the book was about me!

I would’ve put on a poker face because I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I was one of the idiots who acted so immature back in the day- that I was one of the brutes that mistreated so horribly a person, who back then, was powerless to defend herself! And here another newsflash. Today, bullies don’t get the glory they got back in the ‘1980s.

People look down on bullies nowadays!

And let me address the psychopaths who’ve sent me threatening and nasty messages off and on for the last three years. Heads up: I’ve both screenshotted and saved them all “just in case.” And I’ve already exposed one woman. Don’t be the next person I plaster all over the internet. Because I will, in essence, parade you naked before the eyes of the entire world.

And if anything does happen to me, anything at all, that book will be seen as a possible motive. Many, many people will come around, asking questions. And who do you think they’ll come to? Who do you think those people will want answers from? Are you willing to take that risk?

The entire class will be under a microscope, and everyone will know what the possibilities are. But that’s all it takes. Isn’t it?

One accusation. One offhand comment. One motive. The slightest suspicion. That’s it.

So, if you see me out anywhere, your best bet is to keep on walking. You stay away from me, I’ll stay away from you, and everybody’s happy.

Letter to My Bullies- I’m No Longer Afraid of You

Continued from Part 2…

Also, the fact that no one cared about the truth nor even asked is only further proof that you all bullied and mobbed out of pure spite, ignorance, and stupidity. And the same three afflictions is why a few teachers, who followed your lead, also bullied me to the point of considering a lawsuit. A few even escalated the vitriol because they saw me as a threat.

Those few so-called teachers were afraid that I would file citing discrimination based on a perceived disability. Why? Because they found out about the daily journals, I kept each school day, documenting everything! And I’ll never forget their reactions (and those of some of you) each time they saw me writing.

It’s hilarious when I look back now because some of you seemed pretty desperate and afraid!

And the few spineless, undeserving losers I was such a fool to call friends? (Scoff) They didn’t have the stones to have my back, which means it’s safe to say that I didn’t have any friends at OHS. So, should it matter to any of you if I speak up or stay silent?

I can be honest about it now because none of you are anyone I need to impress, and I surely don’t owe any of you anything- not even respect because you did nothing to earn it. I’ll say again. You get no respect from me.

As for the few rotten apples who called themselves teachers, I realize they only fell for your lies and smear campaigns. These teachers, who were supposed to be adults, but only regressed into children by joining you in your evil and spiteful attacks, weren’t smart at all, only educated idiots. They were also too lazy to look for the facts.

Far be it from me to put their names out there because I won’t go that low. But I already suspect you know which teachers I’m referring to. So, I’ll leave it there.

With you, the excuse was always, “I’m afraid of her!” or “She’s crazy!” But the reality was that I was much more afraid of you than you ever were of me. But deep down, most of you were already aware of it.

Oh yeah. I know and you do too. I knew it back then; only I was too afraid to voice it because I knew what most of you would do if I opened my mouth. Oh, yes. You got that one for free. I was afraid of you all back then.

But the difference between then and now is that I’m not anymore. Now that I’m a grown woman, I’m not afraid of any of you.

I don’t have to see any of you. You can’t touch me now. So I can say pretty much anything I want. And I say it loud and proud. Even better, I make speaking out about people like you my livelihood, my bread and butter, and my niche!

Therefore, in bullying me, you were only paving my path for me. In trying to instill fear, you only encouraged me. In trying to keep me down, you only uplifted me! And in turning others against me back then, you ultimately made me truer friends now than I ever could have imagined back then.

Now, you must ask yourselves what good all that meanness did in the long run, and where did it get you? It certainly didn’t help you reach the top! It didn’t get you fame or fortune because none of you ever went anywhere.

Continued in Part 4…

Letter to My Bullies- You Only Made A Winner Out of Me

Continued from Part 1…

I’ll give you this much. For a while, you had me down and even managed to keep me there during school. I forgot who I was. Or maybe without meaning to, I allowed you to take the knowledge of who I was from me. You even succeeded in making me out to be the troubled one.

And while you bullied, harassed, name-called, slut-shamed, shoved, tripped, jumped, beat, choked, and kicked me- even threatened my life with a blade on two different occasions; I was told to ignore it, to toughen up, and not to be a snitch or a crybaby.

Even worse, people also dared to tell me to be thankful that the abuse wasn’t worse or just to take it in silence.

But as you can see, it didn’t last. You couldn’t keep me in your little box and your vacuum. And once I got away from you, I began to flourish.

In the end, you only made a fighter out of me. What you did is make a winner out of me. You ended up making me more determined to love myself.  The girl who used to finish last now finishes first. Why? Because I put myself first.

When you all attacked me, others judged me unfairly and brutalized me- even those who were bystanders and those I thought were friends. And that was worse because the betrayal was more devastating than the bullying and mobbing itself.

motivational inspirational

Oh, yes. I’ll admit. People, even a few school staff, only scoffed when I went to them for help and tried to explain to them what I was going through. When I needed a listening ear and a shoulder to lean and cry on, they only ignored me. When I needed someone to care, understand, and make sense of what was happening, they abandoned me. Therefore, for a while, you won.

I even went against my better judgment and asked many of you why. Not even you could give me a straight answer, which should’ve been my first clue that none of you knew and, more than likely, still don’t know why you acted so ignorant and stupid.

Though I was only a kid and didn’t realize it back then, it’s only proof that you had no excuse nor justification for the simple way you behaved. And the most astonishing part was you didn’t need any evidence of any wrongdoing on my part to rally the school to your side.

Continued in Part 3…

Being a Target of Bullying Will Either Make or Break You

make or break

Being the object of bullies is a hell that only few people can comprehend. If you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being to one of two things:

1. an angry, bitter. distrusting and mean-spirited person

2. a sad, sullen, and withdrawn individual.

Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. But I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t – I repeat – DON’T give up! EVER!

I’m living proof. I’m a very happy, healthy, and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you never would’ve thought that I would ever make it as far as I have.

The bullying didn’t break me. It made me! I consciously chose not to let it break me, and you, too, have that choice.

Being bullied is never good. But it not only made me a stronger, more resilient, and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe. It gave me the drive to become a published author and be a voice for those who are too afraid to speak out.

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it’ll be as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives.

No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short, not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!

“The Odd Girl Out (Is The It-Girl Now)”

(verse)

Remember when you used to laugh at her

Because she didn’t have any friends

Remember how everyone trashed her

Back in school, she wasn’t cool like the rest of them

‘Tried to break her down with glee in your eye

It used to be fun to make her cry

Now you’re chokin’ on the names you called

Because you know, now they don’t phase her at all

(Chorus)

Because the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She’s the movie star you watch on the silver screen

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

Don’t you feel so stupid for being so mean

(Verse 2)

She walked around with a target on her back

And eyes in the back of her head

A broken heart and shattered soul

Downtrodden, beatdown and left in the cold

It used to feel good to keep her down

She used to be everybody’s clown

Jealous Girls taking behind her back

You slandered her name all over town

‘Used to be nobody wanted her around

(Chorus 2)

But the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She left this pitiful town for big and better things

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

‘Feel your jealousy burn, yeah man it stings

(Bridge)

You never thought she’d ever get so far

Oh, but how could you have known

She’d show you up and reach her star

Who’s laughing now?

(Repeat Chorus 1 and 2)

dreamstime_xs_147635621

Yeah, yeah, watch her go she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, see her shine she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, it’s a poke in your eye she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!

It’s a poke in your eye, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!

Victim or Overcomer

Bad things happen to the best people all the time, and sometimes people get what they don’t deserve. Some of the greatest and purest of humans are brutalized. It’s an unfortunate and sad part of life, and no one ever said that life was fair.

But you can take something from it. You have the choice of being a victim, or you can choose to be an overcomer.

When you’re an overcomer, there’s no greater feeling than knowing how far you’ve come. “You grow through what you go through.”