Tag: wolves in sheep’s clothing

wolves in sheep’s clothing

How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

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‘Want to know how to spot fake friends and remove any confusion of whether the friendship is real? Here are 5 tried and true ways to trick them into exposing themselves.

how to spot fake friends

Do you have friends who seem to run hot and cold on you? Do they leave you confused as to whether or not their friendship is real?

In this post, you will learn how to spot fake friends by using these easy methods to make them come clean. And the best part is, they won’t even realize they’ve outed themselves until it’s too late.

Once you learn these simple tactics, you will remove any confusion and see these snakes exactly for who they are. Then you will know to ditch these people and move on with your life.

This post is all about how to spot fake friends, get rid of them once and for all, and restore not only your peace, but also your dignity and self-respect.

How to spot fake friends

At some point in our lives, we’ve all put up with fake friends who cunningly tried to hold us back. These are people who very stealthily undermined our confidence and disrupted your peace.

However, fake friends can be hard to spot if you aren’t paying attention. On the outside, they can look like they’re really in your corner when they’re really only in your business. They may seem like they want you to win when, deep down inside, they hope you crash and burn.

For instance, narcissists are masters at duping unsuspecting people into befriending them, having a relationship with them, and even marrying them.

If you’re a victim or target of bullying, then you are all the more susceptible to being taken in by these social chameleons.

Why? Because chances are that bullies have defamed you so severely that friends have turned their backs on you and making new friends has become difficult, if not impossible.

And now, the isolation you feel is so intense that you’ll befriend anyone who smiles at you. In other words, you’re vulnerable.

Know that this is a recipe for disaster!

Here’s How to Spot Fake Friends

Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

1. Be Yourself.

Too many people put on fake personas to sucker you in and get what they want from you. Therefore, whenever you’re confused about a friend’s intentions, you may have to conduct a test to see if the person really is your friend.

This can be difficult to do, especially if you’re a victim of bullying because you’re afraid of rocking the boat and pissing the person off.

However, you must realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, chances are good that most of your friends aren’t really for you. They only act like they are to either get something from you, or they tolerate you because they feel sorry for you.

You must realize that people like these can reek lots of havoc in your life if you aren’t careful! They can turn on you at any moment, stab you in the back, and disappear when your bullies come for you.

Therefore, for your own sake, give these fakers the boot!

Like Attracts Like

To put it plainly, when you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! However, when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake.

Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because truth and reality scare them to death!

Therefore, never be afraid to start being your true, authentic self. It exposes imposters without them even realizing it because they will react very harshly.

It is through their brutal reactions that these people expose themselves.

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: Set Boundaries.

This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people.

However, don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset!

Therefore, you will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

However, understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any.

Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

3. Say no.

Saying no is difficult because it involves risk. However, it’s one of the ways you practice self-care. Moreover, it’s how you expose fake people in your life.

You see? When you tell a real friend no and explain why you won’t or can’t. They will understand and keep the friendship alive.

However, tell a fake friend no and they’re either get angry and lash out, or try to manipulate you into changing your mind.

Again, this is how you get them to show themselves as they truly are. Also, it’s the prerequisite to weeding out the fakers.

And when you make imposters expose themselves through their behavior, you instantly know who to kick out of your life and who to keep around.

Therefore, this is a good thing!

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: Succeed at something.

One way to flush out the fakes is to accomplish something. In other words, win at something.

For example, you win fifty thousand dollars in a contest, or publish a book and make the international best seller list. The money begins rolling in.

You can bet that the majority of your friends will be jealous and resentful. Many may turn on you and accuse you of cheating in the contest.

Maybe a few people you thought were friends suddenly stop talking to you or act cold toward you after you reap huge financial rewards for your best selling novel.

However, don’t feel bad. Although it may hurt, it may even break your heart, see it for what it is. These people are only showing their true colors.

Listen to them and do what you need to do to cut off contact because they were never truly in your corner to begin with.

 Know that real friends are happy for you. They cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy. These people celebrate your wins with you.

5. Speak and Stand in Your Truth.

When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. Moreover, you’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but failed to stop it.

Sadly, even a few you thought were with you will suddenly turn their backs on you.

However, see this as your clue to which friends to keep and which to let go. Again, this is how fake friends expose themselves and their intentions toward you.

6. How to Spot Fake Friends: Ask for help with something.

It’s one thing when friends can’t help you on a particular day you need it. Maybe the friend’s mother or their child suddenly became sick and the friend had to take them to the hospital or doctor’s office.

Also,  your friend who had the day off to help you was suddenly called into work. Naturally, these situations are understandable and you should graciously respect that.

However, if your friend has a long record of either making excuses as to why they can’t be there for you, they stand you up without calling you to let you no, or they just disappear every time you’re in a jam, that’s a red flag.

Again, their actions and reactions tell you everything you need to know. Therefore, pay attention and see this as your cue to make changes in the friendship that you need to make.

7. Just Watch and Listen.

Many times, all it takes is just to watch and listen.

In other words, notice how they carry themselves and how they talk and act. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by observing and listening.

Let’s break it down. If you catch them talking bad about another of their friends, stabbing them in the back, you can be sure they’re talking about you behind yours.

Moreover, if you notice that you only see them when things are going good in your life, then when you’re flat on your back, they seem to disappear, that’s another red flag. You don’t need fair weather friends.

If they’re into drama or always come around when they need something, this is a bad sign as well.

This last one is a biggie! If they’re quick to believe the lies and smears your bullies spread about you, then they’re definitely not friends!

It pays to choose your friends wisely.

This Post Was about how to spot fake friends so that you can get rid of them and take back your peace and dignity.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

 

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Who Are Most Hurtful? (Part 2)

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(Continued from Part 1…)

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be completely paranoid, only nonchalant. Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you, who will try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

They will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things and find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? So they can take the juicy deets and report back to your bullies with them.

Here are ways that you can pick up on your classmates or coworkers’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you – without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context – Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

back-stabbing colleagues threatening an employee with scissors and knife

3. Watch for micro flashes – If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.

When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you don’t only imagine things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet – You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person – If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language, and they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking – if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for – a furrowed brow, one corner of the lip slightly raised, an icy, piercing stare, smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes). Any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away – again, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share– Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly Don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. Watch for eavesdroppers – If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors. Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Most Hurtful?

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It wasn’t the attacks from the bullies themselves. The bullies were the people from whom I’d come to expect that kind of behavior. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions came as no surprise to me!

What hurt more than anything was the betrayal– when those I thought were my friends would so quickly and without question believe the lies and rumors that my bullies had spread. It was akin to being kicked in the stomach. Also, these so-called friends in school never had my back. Some even had the power to stop the bullying and protect me but refused, only throwing me under the bus.

Friends are supposed to be the people who believe the best of you. They are supposed to have your back any time someone attacks you. They’ll speak on your behalf when another person so much as badmouths you behind your back but in front of them, and they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

But sadly, during school, the people I thought I could trust did the opposite; they’d either go along with or believe the lies- and without bothering to ask me first!

My fake friends often sold me out- delivered me up to my bullies- with my head on a plate.

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with because, from a bully, you expect nothing more. It’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think is a friend and think highly of. When I look back now, I realize that I didn’t have friends in school until I was in the twelfth grade.

Before senior year, I only kept these so-called pals around and put up with them because they were the only options I had. It was pathetic.

The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small. I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers and haven’t been in the world very long.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends but don’t realize that real friends- people who have your back, who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions- are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

When I meet a new person for the first time, I no longer wonder whether they’ll like me; I now wonder if I’m going to like them. I choose who I let in and who I give the boot, and if I stop having anything to do with someone, you can bet they betrayed me somehow, and I consider betrayal a deadly sin that will get someone dismissed very quickly.

I know what I want in a friend, and I won’t settle for anything less because anything less than desired is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue I look for, and if the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who are so quick to believe the lies your bullies tell them that they get angry with you and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were! Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And why would you settle for someone’s pity? Or, maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves, and you were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

If you have friends who don’t stand with you and fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life. You’re better off without them.

You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while. Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

Continued in Part 2…

Ways Bullying Sharpens Your BS Detector

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If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you. This is not to say that abuse of any form is a good thing because no one should ever be bullied. Ever! However, though painful and humiliating when it was happening, a bullied past has had its positive takeaways, one of which is my fine-tuned ability to smell bulls*** from a mile away.

Judging from my own experience and having heard stories of others who have endured the same, being a target of bullies has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people and detect true motives and intentions.


It allowed me to observe a large group of people, then spot and pick out the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy. I don’t have to speak a word to anyone, only stand back and watch.

Just as a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing, a victim of bullying quickly grows the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent, deciphering the tiniest of micro-expressions. In fact, one can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When any certain skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to quickly hon that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. However, this gift came at a heavy price.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Drawing Your Enemies Out in the Open

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We think we know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to us, but many are not who they make us think they are. In life, there will be fakers and imposters, people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends. These people will seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they can figure out everything about you- your soft spots, intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams. Then these people will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Even scarier, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

What do I mean by this? Here it is:

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks. This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person or persons.

You must realize that when people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. And to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all. In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much better (and safer) to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated, and– even when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. But trust me, it is only, ONLY, when you’re at your lowest you find out who’s really in your corner, and, more importantly, was all along.

So, again, if you can give the illusion that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves, and some will more than likely be people you’d never expect. Very few people realize who their enemies are until the fit hits the shan.

Any time you appear to be at your weakest and lowest, not only will your secret enemies reveal themselves, they’ll also be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly! And the reason these people will be so open with their dirt is because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

But realize that this is the only way for you to clear the dead weight and human clutter from your life. And you do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully, and if done right, you can ensure your safety and peace of mind in the future.

You can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals. More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

So, in closing, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, do something to make yourself appear weak or down and out. Then see how they respond and what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Even better, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are. And you’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of the many scumbags who underestimated you.