Tag: unnecessary guilt

suicidal empathy meaning

Suicidal Empathy: 9 Signs and Examples of Empathetic Suicide

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‘What is suicidal empathy? How do you know you suffer from it? Here’s everything you need to know so that you won’t empathize with people who secretly want to harm you.

suicidal empathy

Suicidal empathy has become a hot topic in recent months. Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what it is. You will also learn the signs and examples of it so that you can see it more clearly.

Once you learn these crucial details, you will be able to identify whether you have it and prevent further self-sabotage.

This post is all about suicidal empathy, so that you know if you have it and realize that it’s okay to protect yourself from those who mean you harm.

What is Suicidal Empathy?

Suicidal empathy is the kind of toxic empathy where you feel bad for the very people who are trying to destroy you. When you have suicidal empathy, you empathize with the wrong people.

To put it another way, you empathize at your own expense.

For instance, you may feel guilty for standing up for yourself. You may believe that you truly deserve to be punished. Here you will discover all the hallmarks of this deadly mental disease.

Signs of Suicidal Empathy.

1. You make excuses for your bullies who are clearly out to hurt you.

You want so badly for them to be your friends that you will go out of your way to prove to them that you are worthy of their friendship. But, friend, let me tell you. You’re spinning your tires for nothing.

So they do something nasty to you, and a family member who loves you sees it. And they aren’t having it.

So, they tell your bullies off and tell them to get the hell off your property. Next, you turn to the caring family member and ask, “Why’d you do that? They were only horsing around.” This is only one example. However, it’s the most popular in this situation.

Realize that bullies may act as if they want to be your friend. And they do this in groups. They pull this game on their victims all the time. But “why would they do that?” You may ask. They do it specifically to get close enough to harm you.

Mostly, school bullies pull this tactic.

They may covertly humiliate you. Or, they may claim to like you, then take subtle potshots to shock you.

So, they surround you in your own yard. The lead bully throws a slight dig at you. Then they slyly look at the other bullies in the group and smile. And then, wink-wink, nod-nod.

You hear quiet snickers and giggles. And you wonder, if they’re swearing up and down that they’re your friends, why are they acting like this?

I’ll tell you why. They’re doing it to keep you confused and on the back foot. Realize that they have likely planned this out from the get-go. Again, they wanted to get close enough to you to get you. And the only way they could do that is to pretend friendship.

So, they make a complete fool of you. And they do it so that they can get together later and laugh at you behind your back. Therefore, if a parent or sibling comes and tells your so-called friends to get lost, pay attention.

Your family member might see something that you’re missing.

2. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:

You’re in an abusive relationship, and you get angry at your parents for suggesting that you leave the creep.

You’re a girl who is dating Mr. handsome and charming. He does and says all the right things at the right time. And he showers you with affections and gifts.

This guy seems like the one of your dreams. Then slowly, as the months go by, the gifts get less frequent. So does the affection. He begins taking little nibbles at your self-esteem by making sneaky digs and suggestions.

For instance, you have invited him to dinner at your parents’ house. During dinner, you tell him about your dream of going to college. And he very sweetly asks you,

“Honey, you are a brilliant lady. Don’t get me wrong. It’s why I love you. But college is tough. Are you sure that you would make it? I don’t want you to end up disappointed.”

You may think that your boyfriend is telling you this because he loves you. After all, he seems concerned and doesn’t want you to suffer disappointment.

Enmity is often disguised as love and concern.

However, your parents see through his candy-coated suggestion. They realize that he is subtly planting seeds of doubt in your mind. And he’s disguising it as love and concern.

Later, after he leaves, your parents tell you that it would not be wise to continue dating this guy. As a result, they annoy you. And you ask them why they would say such a thing.

When they tell you that he’s trying to control you, you only wave them away. You respond with, “That’s ridiculous. He’s only telling me that because he loves me.”

But they know better. Still, you get irritated and snap at them before leaving. This is what suicidal empathy looks like. You empathize with the wrong person—one who only pretends to have your best interests at heart.

A year later, the abuse has escalated, and he’s leaving bruises all over your body. And you look back and realize that your parents were right. They saw something in this boy that you missed.

3. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:

You make excuses for your out-of-control child.

You’re a parent of a fourteen-year-old daughter. She has given you trouble since she was eleven. Your daughter has been sneaking out on the weekends.

Her grades are in the toilet. Why? Because getting her to study is like pulling teeth. And she never turns in her homework.

Moreover, she has been fighting at school and in the streets. And she’s had a few encounters with law enforcement. You dismiss her behavior, saying that she is “just going through some things.”

The following week, someone from the police station calls you. They inform you that your girl was caught shoplifting makeup from a department store.

Still, you don’t have the intestinal fortitude to correct your child. Instead, you blame the store for being greedy and the police for being too hard on her.

4. Your son just beat the crap out of you, and you turn around and bail him out of jail.

You have an overly entitled son. He yells at you, and talks shit to you, and you stand there and talk it. Or, you do the gentle parenting routine. You speak to him about respect and why it’s essential.

But the kid isn’t going for it. He thinks he knows better than you do. Therefore, he tells you that he’s going to do whatever the hell he wants. And there’s nothing you can do to stop him.

On the weekends, he sits on his butt in your basement, playing video games all day. During the week, he skips school most days to hang out with his buddies.

When you find out what the boy has been doing, you confront him. This escalates to an argument. Then, you both come to blows, and he beats the thunder out of you.

So, you call the cops, and they arrest him. And, the next day, you post his bail. You tell others that he’s really a good kid, but he’s going through a lot. He’s depressed. Or, he’s having a rough time of it.

And that’s why he just whooped your ass. Right?

5. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:

Unnecessary Guilt.

We could use a few examples here. The other kids are bullying you in the locker room. They’re beating you up. Or, they may be calling you names. They might even be playing cruel jokes on you.

However, you feel guilty for their behavior. Why? Because you believe that you must have done something to make them do it. Only you don’t know what you did.

You don’t realize that they have conditioned you to believe it’s your fault.

Maybe you’re a battered wife whose husband snaps and punches her in the face. And he tells you that if you don’t do things to piss him off, he won’t hit you. Sadly, you believe him.

Or, you make excuses for his behavior. “He just lost his job,” or “He’s going through a hard time right now. He doesn’t mean to do these things.”

Therefore, each time he slaps you around, you wonder what you must have done. And the cycle continues.

And if someone in your family committed a severe crime, that has no bearing on you. You’re not guilty. Therefore, you aren’t responsible.

Toxic people will try to make you feel guilty for things that you, personally, haven’t done. So, don’t fall for that.

6. Self-hatred.

You’ve been bullied at school or at work. Or, maybe the media has convinced you that you are evil based on some physical characteristic. Moreover, they say that everyone who has that trait is evil.

So, you become ashamed of being who you are. If you could get rid of that trait, you would be perfect. Right?

If you’re bullied at school for having red hair, you grow to hate your hair. So, instead of loving yourself as you are, you allow bullies to define you. Instead of refusing to believe the garbage they spew, you take it as gospel.

There’s one thing you need to know right now. Others may hate you, but you should never hate yourself. Never allow them to cause you to see yourself through their lens.

Stop allowing others to define who you are. Only you have that knowledge!

7. Suicidal Empathy:

Feeling guilty for defending yourself.

During the last ten years, society has trained us not to defend ourselves. For example, six years ago, some implied that you had no right to call 911 if someone invaded your home.

They claimed you valued your belongings more than the home invader’s life. However, there’s something you should know.

You have every right to defend yourself. Why? Because all humans have this instinct. Its name is “self-preservation instinct” or “survival instinct.”

Therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone says. You have a God-given, animal right to protect your own life and the lives of your family. Always remember that!

8. You virtue signal.

When you virtue signal, you are willing to do some really degrading things. And for what? To prove to others that you aren’t what they say you are?

For instance, a few years back, we watched videos of people kneeling before certain interest groups. And they did it in public? Why? Because they wanted to show the world that they weren’t “racists.”

If you feel you must bend over backwards to win approval, then you’re an insecure person. To degrade yourself for people whose approval you never had and never will? That’s a weakness to the greatest extent.

Why waste your energy trying to prove yourself to people who will never validate you anyway? It’s a waste of time! No matter what you do, the people you bow down to will always hate you.

Moreover, they will laugh at you because of the fool you make of yourself. Anytime you pander to people who couldn’t care less about you, you only embarrass yourself.

Stop humiliating yourself! You have nothing to prove to anyone but God and yourself. You see? If you aren’t an evil person, there’s no need to prove it. Your goodness is already there, whether others notice it or not.

Suicidal Empathy:

The Great Pandering

Today, you see governments turning somersaults to protect criminals and invaders and make excuses for them. And they only punish the innocent. Moreover, they hang their own citizens out to dry. Why? To prove that they aren’t Islamophobes or xenophobes.

Moreover, it’s how schools and workplaces protect bullies. You see companies throwing away talent and hard work in favor of identity and ideology. This is a form of virtue signaling.

Understand that if you are secure in who you are, you won’t feel the need to prove that you aren’t the label of the day. Therefore, you’ll punish wrong and reward right without fear.

Another way you pander is to pander to bullies because you’re afraid they might punish you somehow. But know this. When you feel you must pander, it’s a sign that someone is gaslighting you.

9. You downplay your own positive qualities to make someone else feel better about themselves.

If nothing else, understand this: If anyone tries to convince you that you must shrink yourself, they are not the ones you need to be around.

For example, a married woman has an opportunity to land a job that pays her twice what her abusive husband makes. And she turns it down because she doesn’t want to make him angry by out-earning him.

Moreover, this doesn’t only happen in marriages. It also happens in friendships, at school, and in the workplace.

So, again, if you must make yourself small to boost someone else’s ego, then you may need to make adjustments.

Suicidal Empathy:

In Conclusion

Empathizing with people who are down on their luck is fine. However, empathizing with wrongdoers puts you in danger.

Therefore, we must know the difference between empathy and suicidal empathy. Know the kind of people we are feeling sorry for. And once we do, we will be able to place our empathy where it belongs.

And, most importantly, we can do it while ensuring our safety.

This post was all about suicidal empathy so that you will know how to empathize without doing it at your own expense.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Guilty Conscience: The Top 4 Ways Bullies Act When You Speak Up

2. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person 

3. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

4. Why Do Schools Protect Bullies? 5 Common Reasons

5. Excuses Schools Make for Bullies: Here are 7 Most Common 

Over Apologizing Trauma Response: 9 Easy Ways to Overcome It

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Do you want to know about the over apologizing trauma response and ways to overcome it? Here are the best ways of overcoming these knee-jerk and often unnecessary apologies that every target of bullying needs to know.

over apologizing trauma response

The over apologizing trauma response, although not a wise response, is all too common in people who suffer abuse or have suffered it in the past. It’s a learned response that survivors of bullying and abuse have learned. Hence the term, over apologizing trauma response.

You are going to learn all about the over apologizing trauma response, why you’re so quick to do it, and what you can do to overcome it so that you can take back your personal power.

After you learn this very important information, you will know when you should say sorry and when you don’t need to. Moreover, you will learn what triggers you to express needless remorse and what you can do to break this self-defeating habit once and for all.

This post is all about the over apologizing trauma response, what triggers you to give one, and what you can do to overcome it so that you can end the cycle of bullying that you endure.

The Over Apologizing Trauma Response

Before we get into the possible triggers of apologizing too much and how to drop this bad-for-you habit, let’s first discuss a little history and the good side to telling someone that you’re sorry.

From the time we’re toddlers, the adults in our lives teach us to apologize when we’ve done something wrong to another person.

When something warrants an apology, it’s actually a good thing for you to give one when you have trespassed against another person. A sincere apology to someone you’ve hurt shows good character and integrity.

Moreover, it brings about healing and reopens the lines of communication between yourself and those you’ve wronged. Also, it helps the other person to heal and thus begins to restore the broken relationship, be they familial, romantic, or friend.

However, too much of a good thing is never good because it can backfire when you overdo it.

All too often, victims of bullying apologize way too much after others have bullied and abused them for so long. Understand that this is a trauma response. In other words, it is a knee-jerk reaction to the threat of danger and that danger is further bullying and abuse.

In other words, people who’ve suffered chronic bullying or abuse many overdo the apologies as a way to avoid conflicts or to preserve their personal safety. They may say “I’m sorry,” before they even have time to think about it. It’s an automatic response.

I want you to understand this right now. If you’re a target of bullying and you have picked up the habit of over apologizing, it’s not your fault.

A means of survival

Know that you are not a bad person for it. The over apologizing trauma response is one you’ve learned over the years as a means of survival.

When people target you for bullying and abuse, they usually blame you for virtually everything that goes wrong in your life and in theirs. This is a form of gaslighting.

Moreover, your bullies and abusers often force you to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or occurrences that were beyond your control.

As a result, this is why you’ve been programmed to apologize for things that don’t need an apology. Therefore, you’ve gotten into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse.

It’s only knee-jerk reaction that comes from extreme fear. They are ways to appease the bullies and make them go away and leave you alone.

But, understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

But How do You OVercome the Over Apologizing Trauma Response?

1. Identify the triggers that cause you to give knee-jerk apologies.

This is difficult at first. However, if you practice, it will get easier the more you do it. Realize that knee-jerk apologies, or trauma response apologies are given out of fear for one’s safety and to keep away danger.

Therefore, figure out what frightened you enough to want to apologize.

Did the person yell at you out of anger when they overheard you talking about the scholarship your son won (jealousy)? Know that you don’t have to apologize for it because you aren’t responsible for their feelings or their behavior.

Did they pause and give you a threatening glare when you walked into the public restroom (contempt, hatred)? Understand that there’s no need for an apology. You have just as much right to use the restroom as anyone else.

Did the person accuse you of being full-of-yourself when you know that you aren’t? Don’t be sorry for that. The person probably mistakes your confidence for arrogance. Or, they could be envious of your confidence.

2. The Moment You Catch Yourself About to Apologize, stop and Assess.

Therefore, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry.” Stop for a moment and assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to. This is how you find out whether or not you should apologize.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
  • Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Did I have any control over this?
  • Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

3. overcoming the over apologizing trauma response:

Figure out who the people are who cause you to feel like you must over apologize.

In other words, step back and notice who always intimidates you to overdo the sorries. This is also how you must train yourself not to apologize when there’s no need to.

Moreover, pay attention to the arising circumstances and context that cause this knee-jerk reaction in you.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do these people bully and abuse me?
  • Do they gaslight you when you defend yourself or when you assert your needs and wants?
  • Do they yell at you or insult or ridicule you when you are having fun and just being yourself?
  • Do they bully you more intensely when you express your own thoughts and opinions?
  • Do they punish you for feeling angry or sad emotions?
  • Do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you overdo the apologies, you are wondering into people pleasing territory. Also, your apologies will eventually lose their meaning when used too much for long enough.

Moreover, they can weaken you in the eyes of predatory people. You will become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because you’re sorry for simply existing and taking up space.

Furthermore, when you over apologize, you often do it out of guilt and shame that is unnecessary. Also, it could be from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. In cases such as this, apologies can become compulsive.

4. Don’t beat yourself up for your over apologizing trauma response.

Don’t feel like a failure if you catch yourself apologizing without pausing to think about what it is you’re doing it for. Realize that your compulsion to apologize is a habit you’ve probably developed over the course of many years. Therefore, don’t expect to be able to drop this habit overnight.

The trick is to work at becoming more aware of when an apology is appropriate and when it isn’t. And, more importantly, allow yourself to progress slowly. Never try to rush through this learning process.

Know that it’s okay to make mistakes because you will slip up every now and again. That’s all a part of the process of dropping bad habits.

However, the longer you work at this, the slip ups will come less and less frequently as time passes.

5. Get therapy.

Therapists can give you coping strategies that help you overcome the guilt of skipping an unnecessary apology. So, don’t be ashamed to turn to a therapist if you need one.

6. Read self-help books on the subject of over apologizing.

Many self-help books are available to order and they will successfully guide you. These books are great tools to help you learn when and why an apology isn’t needed.

Moreover, they can teach you, step-by-step, on how to discern whether or not you need to say “sorry.”

7. Respond Accordingly.

If a bully or abuser is trying to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault, is beyond your control, or something that doesn’t need an apology, these are powerful responses.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

8. Identify the things you should never apologize for

  • Apologies for asking for help.
  • An apology when someone runs into you and nearly knocks you down
  • An apology when you take a while to respond to a client or loved one because you were busy with other commitments.
  • An apology when you can’t go on a date with your boy/girlfriend because you have a sick family member who’s in the hospital.
  • Apologies for making time for you.
  • Apologies for saying no when you need to.
  • Apologies for walking away from toxic people.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone and you are not being a bother. Know that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

9. Make positive affirmations

  • “I am good enough.”
  • “I am just as good as anyone else.”
  • “I have a right not to apologize when one isn’t warranted.

Making affirmations may feel weird at first. However, if done everyday or every time you think about it, the weirdness will subside after a while and you’ll slowly build your confidence.

Avoiding the urge to apologize unnecessarily can be difficult at first and it will feel weird. However, saving your apologies for situations that warrant them will help you to become less a target. It will also make you comfortable with being more authentic. More importantly, it will empower you in ways you never thought possible.

This trauma response comes from a bullied brain. In other words, after people have bullied you for so long, you over-apologize because you’re afraid of being bullied again. But it can only bring more bullying because people will use it against you.

Thankfully, you can get your confidence back and overcome it.

This post was all about the over apologizing trauma response and how to overcome it so that you can feel more confident and reclaim your autonomy and your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

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Do you want to know how to spot moments when there’s no apology necessary? Here are the times to never say sorry that every target of bullying should know.

no apology necessary

Apologizing for something that doesn’t warrant an apology sets you up for victimization. Why? Because bullies, gaslighters, and abusers will notice it and take full advantage. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the things you should never apologize for.

Therefore, you will learn when there’s no apology necessary by knowing exactly what you should never be sorry for.

Once you learn when there’s no apology necessary, you will be better able to counter any bullying or gaslighting that comes your way. Moreover, you will easily shake off any guilt trips your bullies try to put you on.

This post is all about discerning when there’s no apology necessary by learning what to never apologize for.

No apology necessary

Before we get into when not to apologize and what doesn’t warrant an apology, let’s talk about over-apologizing. Also, we’ll go over who is likely to apologize too much, why they do it, and the psychological effects they suffer from it.

Sadly, bullies and abusers program their victims and targets into thinking they should apologize for everything. In other words, evil people try to force their prey to say they’re sorry for things they need not be sorry for. Moreover, bullies coerce victims through threats and trickery.

Understand that the needless apologies targets of bullying give are survival mechanisms. They over apologize in hope that the bullies will be appeased and back off from harming them.

I completely understand and will never fault them for that. As a matter of fact, I’ve been exactly where they are. These victims are only doing what they feel they must do to protect themselves. So, again, this isn’t necessarily their fault.

However, their apologies, in most cases, don’t work and can make the bullying worse.

Also, if targets aren’t careful, they can unwittingly allow themselves to be programmed to over apologize even after the bullying threat has passed. In other words, over-apologizing will become a habit… an automatic response any time they perceive a threat.

As a result, this will only attract more bullies, more abusers, and more abuse.

Let’s delve deeper by describing what happens in the bullied brain. When others bully, abuse, and make you unnecessarily apologize, you develop new neural pathways after so long.

Moreover, these new neural pathways slowly rewire us to become subservient. And the lines between what we should and shouldn’t apologize for become blurred.

So, when is no apology necessary and what are the things you should never apologize for?

1.Your very existence.

You have just as much a right to be here as the next person. Never ever apologize for being in this world. However, understand that there will be those who feel that you don’t have a right to be here and everybody has those people.

Remember that The Lord put you here for a great purpose. You have your space to fill, and you have every right to carve it out.

 2. Setting boundaries.

As human beings, we all have unalienable rights endowed by God, one of which is to stand up for those rights. If someone is violating you in any way, you must set boundaries.

You must call them out and make it absolutely clear to them that what they’re doing is wrong. Also, you must let these people know under no uncertain terms that you will not put up with their abuse.

Your boundaries are like an invisible force field that you place around yourself both physically, emotionally, and psychologically. The boundaries you set are what protect you from anyone wanting to disrupt your mental and physical well-being.

Remember that you have a right to personal safety. In other words, you have a right not to be harmed by anyone. You have a right to be drama-free and to live in peace.

Therefore, never be sorry for doing what you must do to protect your peace.

3. No apology necessary for Defending yourself and your loved ones.

This is a part of setting boundaries. If someone is harming you and your loved ones, you have every right to defend yourself and them.

A while back, media outlets were implying that if people of European descent defended themselves against home invasions, robberies, physical harm, and murder; it was wrong because they considered it “white privilege.”

 Ahem! No! What this is, is a human right. I

It is a right to protect yourself and loved ones against any threat to yours and their safety. Furthermore, it is human survival and self-preservation.

Everyone has a right to protect themselves from harm, no matter their race or skin color! And you should never feel guilty for defending your right not to be harmed.

Never! You have a God-given right to save your own life! God gave you a brain. Use it!

4. Walking away from drama.

Bullies, abusers, gossips, backstabbers, and troublemakers are people who bring us unnecessary drama. Life’s too short for it.

Anyone who brings you drama doesn’t deserve to be around you. To break it down, they don’t deserve to be in your space, or in your life. Period.

However, when you put your hand up to your bullies, turn your back, and walk away, many of them will try to guilt you for that choice. But, see it for what it is.

The reason bullies guilt you or ridicule you when you walk away and refuse to refuse to their utter buffoonery is because they want to control you.

Again, it’s all about control. And how they control you is to manipulate you into a reaction. Don’t react.

Stay above their pettiness and stupidity. It preserves your peace and drives them up the wall.

Above all, know that you have every right to get up and walk away. Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that.

5. no apology necessary for Your successes and accomplishments.

When you’ve worked hard and finally achieved hit a milestone or accomplished a goal, you have a right to be happy about it. Also, anytime you score a win, you have a right to the rewards that come with it.

Moreover, you have a right to enjoy and celebrate the fruits of your labor and your successes.

Many times, jealous, insecure, and resentful people will attempt to make you feel guilty for being successful. Don’t fall for that garbage!

This is not to say that you should let it go to your head and be arrogant. And you shouldn’t let it affect how you treat others.

However, do be pleased about your success, whatever it may be. You have that right.

6. Being who you are.

You are beautifully and wonderfully unique. There is no one else in this world like you nor will there ever be.

Understand that the original is worth so much more than a copy. Don’t be peer-pressured into cheapening yourself by becoming just another copy of someone else

Realize that you will have those in your life, whether at school, work, in the community or in your family who will not like seeing you comfortable in your own skin. There will be people who will hate anyone who has the courage to be themselves and do it fearlessly.

Why? Because you have something they don’t have. And that is the courage to be yourself and the peace of knowing who you are and of loving and accepting yourself. You must realize that fake people become madly jealous when they notice these qualities in another person.

Therefore, let no one make you feel guilty for being who you are- an original!

7. Your happiness.

Happiness comes from within. You, as much as anyone else, deserve your joy. If you’ve done the inner work and found purpose in your life, let no one demand that you apologize for it.

All the while, be forewarned that there will be those who resent your happiness because they’re not happy themselves.

Moreover, they will accuse you of being too full of yourself. They will call you arrogant and overly-confident. Again, stay above these people because they are miserable and want you to be miserable with them.

8. Your lifestyle.

Unless you’re a criminal and your lifestyle is about causing others pain, never apologize for the way you live.

Ways of living that are unapologetic include well-earned affluence, poverty that you can do nothing about, being a single parent, etc. When it comes to these things, people really need to mind their own business.

Furthermore, you have a right to tell them just that if they have the audacity to judge your lifestyle.

To protect your self-esteem and confidence from bullies, abusers, you must be clear on what needs an apology and what doesn’t. Also, you must know who you are and what you will not accept or tolerate from other people.

With this knowledge, you have a powerful weapon with which to preserve your self-esteem and, thus, your personal power and your life.

this post was all about when to decide when there’s no apology necessary to help you raise your self-esteem, Feel better about yourself, and either preserve or reclaim your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

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‘Want to know the signs of conditioning so that you can protect yourself from it? These are the surefire signs to be aware of.

conditioning

Bullies and abusers have ways of conditioning you without you ever being aware that they’re doing it. In most cases you won’t notice it until it has totally changed you and ruined your life. As someone who has been there and overcome it, I’m giving you the signs you must know to stay safe.

You are going to learn about all the early signs of conditioning so that bullies can no longer play these mind games with you.

After learning about the signs of conditioning, you will be prepared and no longer easy to manipulate.

This post is all about the signs of conditioning that every victim and target of bullying should have knowledge of.

conditioning

What is it? In simplest terms, conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe or accept something you wouldn’t normally believe nor accept. Therefore, unscrupulous people will psychologically condition you to believe many falsehoods and accept all kinds of abuse.

This is how people become brainwashed and extreme evil and terrible abuses get normalized.

Therefore, when you’re a target of bullying, bullies will very deceitfully try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse. Also, they will slyly and slowly, over time, “Pavlov” you to believe any lie they say until finally, they convince you to turn on yourself.

Realize that conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle.

In other words, conditioning starts out small and is barely recognizable when it first begins.  It is at this stage when you must know how to recognize it because, the longer it goes on and the bigger the abuses get, the harder it is to defend yourself against it and put a stop to it.

he one thing that will help you to recognize it is that your body will feel it and you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with put out. Pay attention.

So, how do you know your bullies are conditioning you?

Here are the signs:

5 Signs You’re being Conditioned:

You’ll know by the feelings you have.

1. You begin Feeling guilty for defending yourself, speaking out about the bullying you suffer, and reporting the bullying to authority

This most commonly occurs with empaths. However, if you’re an empath and you aren’t careful, you will likely be used and abused by narcissists, bullies, and abusers.

Remember that sometimes you must put your needs first. Also, there will be times when you will need to stand up for yourself.

You have a right not to be abused and you are just as good as the next person. You wouldn’t inflict pain on anyone else and you should never allow others to inflict pain on you either.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential.

Therefore, continue to stand up yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because, if you don’t,  no one else will either. Remember that you aren’t responsible for their feelings.

In a situation of bullying, all you have is you and your greatest weapon is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

2. Another sign of conditioning is Feeling that the bullying you suffer is all your fault.

Anytime you blame yourself for the bullying you suffer, you can be sure that your bullies have conditioned you. Therefore, understand this right now! It’s not your fault!

You are not responsible for your bullies’ behavior. Their horrid actions are a reflection of their choices, not yours. Moreover, you cannot control the behavior of another person. The only person’s behavior you have control over is your own.

So, when you blame yourself for being bullied, you are taking responsibility for the behavior of others, which are things you have no control over.

Do not allow them to condition you to believe that anything beyond your control is your fault! It isn’t!

3. You start feeling like a heel for saying no.

Saying “no” can be difficult and at times, even downright scary. If you’re a decent human being who believes in being civil to your fellow man, the last thing you want is to let someone down. However, there are situations when saying yes to someone else is like saying no to yourself.

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, especially when bullies are trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

But what if your bullies threaten either physical harm or worse social exclusion if you do not comply with their wishes?

Nobody wants to get hurt. The natural human response is to submit and make the pain, torment, or the threat of, stop. In your mind, you’re thinking, “Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you’ll go away and leave me alone!”

Therefore you fall for the false promises that they will leave you be and stop hurting you. BUT!

Realize that bullies and abusers never make good on those promises. The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse.

Why? Because your bullies have benefited from forcing you to say yes. And more than likely, they’ve been getting those benefits for a long time now.

Your bullies never stopped the harassment after all those times you said yes to them before. So, why would they stop now?

Saying no to a bully is never an easy option.

Bullies don’t take no for an answer, least of all from their targets! However, not only is it necessary, it’s essential for self-care!

Therefore, begin saying no, and do it often. However, realize that you can’t change a bully. And if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will), be ready for possible retaliation. And if they do act up, again, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.

The only time you should say yes to bullies is if they pull a gun. Otherwise, stick to your answer.

I’ll grant you that saying no is risky. It always has been. Your bullies may threaten you with the business end of their fists and you may come out of it with a shiner and a fat lip.

However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Again, you must say no, even if it makes others angry.

4. another hallmark of conditioning is when You feel like the biggest wuss on the planet.

You know the feeling. When you know you allowed someone else force you into something you neither wanted to nor agreed to. It left a psychological injury that took a long time to recover from.

You ended up asking yourself, “Now, why didn’t I tell those creeps to take a flying leap off the highest cliff head first?” That feeling of powerlessness can be worse than any physical pain you ever suffered.

 In other words, you blame yourself for not standing up to your bullies or abusers. You think that maybe you’re not strong enough, or this enough, or that enough. This is another sign of conditioning.

However, you must know that your bullies act up not because you aren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at defending yourself.

It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Bullies are abusers and abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims. Therefore, abusers expect the rest of the world to bow down and kiss their behinds and none of that is your fault.

Understand that their behavior isn’t your guilt to carry. Then, begin standing up for yourself and refuse to believe the lies your bullies try to drum into your head.

REPEAT!

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.

5. Your body will feel those icky vibes your bullies are putting out.

In other words. you’ll sense it by feeling that something is “off.” Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

This is, perhaps, the most important sign of all. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, conditioning is soft and subtle in the beginning. So much so that it isn’t noticeable.

However, here’s your first clue: Your body will tell you if you pay attention to it. Your body, particularly, your gut, will pick up on these sickening vibrations your bullies put out.

Many targets of bullying often mistake this feeling for “just having paranoia” and ignore the feeling. But this is the last thing you should do.

Understand that God gave us all that “sixth sense” or, as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason.

Therefore, anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you do not have paranoia and you are not over-reacting. What you’re doing is picking up on that person’s energy. As a result, your inner alarm is trying to warn you about the person and keep you safe.

You must pay close attention to your gut and to other people’s energy because energy doesn’t lie and neither does your gut instinct!

If ever you catch bad vibes off another person, have nothing to do with them. Instead, get as far away from them as you can and as fast as you can! You will save yourself a lot of trouble, I promise!

This post was all about the signs of conditioning to help you to recognize these indicators early on and protect yourself.

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