Tag: subtle bullying tactics

covert bullying examples

Covert Bullying Examples: 7 Must-Know Tactics Covert Bullies Use

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‘Want to know all the covert bullying examples so that you can recognize them when you see them? Here are all the sneaky tactics bullies use so that you can see it and call it out.

covert bullying examples

Covert bullying can be difficult to detect, which is why it’s so hard to defend against.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the covert bullying examples and how to stand up to it.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to recognize it when you see it and defend yourself when it happens to you.

This post will give you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll spot it and stand up to it when bullies get sneaky about their insults and personal attacks.

Covert Bullying Examples

Bullies are big cowards and most will take tiny nibbles of your self-esteem through subtle insults and sneaky attacks. Here are all the examples of covert bullying and how to stand up to subtle bullies who use stealth abuse to undermine your confidence.

1. They Will Make Softened Statements.

Euphemism- word, phrase or statement that softens a harsher meaning.

Seasoned bullies are well-known for euphemisms. In other words, they soften their words so that they don’t look bad to others.

Anytime bullies soften their insults, they appear concerned for your well-being. They seem sympathetic. However, don’t be misled. In reality, they’re anything but!

By softly putting you down, your bullies persuade their listeners to confirm and justify their atrocious behavior. And when they get the confirmation they seek, they get the green light to continue talking.

Here are the most common softened statements.

  • “I hope she gets the help she needs.”
  • “The poor guy, it’s sad that people treat him so bad.”
  • “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
  • “Bless her heart, she’s such a miserable and unhappy person.”
  • “I sincerely hope she can go someplace where she can be happy.”

I want you to understand that when your bullies make these statements, they’re not the least bit concerned about your well-being. They’re only concerned with how they look and sound to everyone else.

They’re only putting on a good front to cover their true feelings.

2. Covert Bullying Examples:

Bullies will use Doublespeak

Bullies are slick with their insults. Many times, they may disguise their vitriol and contempt with the use of doublespeak. And it’s the same as using softened statements.

The term “doublespeak” comes from George Orwell’s book “1984.” Bullies use doublespeak when they words that sound more palatable to the ears. Bullies use doublespeak to lessen their chances of turning other people off.

This form of abuse is covert because it makes the bully sound like a caring, concerned person rather than a vicious one.

For example:

Bullies degrade you in front of others. However, rather than being blunt, they’ll be polite about it.

Instead of, “I can’t stand him, he’s batshit nuts and he belongs in the nuthouse!” they’ll say,

“I’m very concerned about him. I think he has a mental imbalance somewhere that hasn’t been addressed. I hope he gets the help he needs.”

The first version would make the bully sound mean and nasty. The second version sounds so much better. It makes the bully look like a good person who’s genuinely concerned for you.

Here’s another example:

A female bully is putting her neighbor down. But rather than say,

“I’d like to catch her in the street and beat the living crap out of her and leave her to die!” which would make the bully sound like a vindictive and hateful bitch, she says,

“If she doesn’t change her attitude, I’m afraid someone’s going to hurt her really bad!”

Again, the second version sounds so much better because it shows concern rather than hatred. Also, it makes you look like you must be bringing the bad treatment on yourself.

It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it. Moreover, it’s the nonverbal communication you use with it that makes all the difference. It’s just too easy to bully someone without looking like a bully!

You know when you’re being bullied no matter how covert your bullies may be. The trick is to call it out in the early stages before the sneaky attacks become a set pattern.

Never let anyone grow too comfortable with abusing you. Why? Because they’ll escalate their bullying until it gets out of control.

And once bullying gets out of control, your bullies won’t even try to hide it! And that’s when you will be in grave danger!

So, call it out in the early stages. It’s the only way you’ll be able to put a stop to it!

3. Covert Bullying Examples:

Your bullies will make vague excuses.

Your bullies will make these statements When they can’t come up with a good excuse for their rotten behavior

Any time others ask your bullies why they behave the way they do toward you, they will often come up with vague excuses. Moreover, they’ll conjure up something that sounds plausible and makes sense.

For example, your bullies will make one of the following excuses:

  • “She just rubs me the wrong way!”
  • “I just don’t like him.”
  • “I just get a bad feeling about her!”
  • “There’s just something about him that I don’t like!”
  • “She just gives me a bad feeling!”
  • “I just don’t feel good around him!”
  • “Something about her just scares me!”

4. Your Bullies will pull “I just have a bad feeling about” so-and-so routine.

Let’s face it, we’ve all met people who instantly give us the heebie-jeebies. There will be those who make you suspicious of them. And you didn’t have to see them do anything for them to raise your alarm bells.

The person won’t even have to speak. They may even be a nice person and very well-behaved. However, you still won’t feel good around them.

Therefore, these explanations are so plausible. Because some people, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong, just seem to creep you out. And you should always follow your gut instinct.

However, these explanations are covert because they’re so plausible and relatable. Therefore, bullies can leverage them. In other words, they can use them to make others suspicious of you. As a result, people may even begin shunning and abusing you.

Covert Bullying Examples:

Others will suspect you too.

Understand that many bullies have the ability to charm and draw others to them.

Therefore, if the bully saying this about you happens to be a trusted and highly thought of person, those listening will automatically think, “Whoa! If so-and-so gives Becky a bad feeling, then what have I been missing here?”

Therefore, they will view you with a cautious eye too. Remember that moods, emotions, and behaviors have a highly contagion effect. In other words, they tend to spread over a group like a brush fire!

Here’s the thing. When people think highly of your bullies, they trust their judgment. Therefore, they’ll likely doubt their own senses and go with the word of the bully.

And they’ll do it simply because they like them. Put simpler, they will trust the bullies’ judgement more than they do their own.

But, know that these evil people are trying to be slick! The purpose for maneuver is to cast doubt on you in the eyes of others and provoke suspicion. Nothing more.

All it takes is one seed of doubt to start a long smear campaign. Therefore, the best thing to do is to see it for what it is. It’s a smear campaign in the making.

And just watch your bullies escalate it from there. Watch them try to “create” bogus stories.

Moreover, they’ll create proof to back it up. How will they do it?

They’ll do it by baiting you into an altercation. If you react, they’ll use your normal reaction and spin it to fit their twisted narrative. That’s how it works. So, be alert!

If possible, the best thing to do is to avoid them altogether. You want to save yourself a ton of drama. Remember! Out of sight, out of mind!

5. Covert Bullying Examples:

They will use Confabulations.

Many times, bullies will blow up on you for absolutely no reason. Later, when people question them about the blow-up, they won’t remember why they lost their temper.

Therefore, they’ll drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks. You must understand that bullies do this to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks.

Sometimes, people mistake confabulations for real memories.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. Therefore, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to be telling the truth?

It’s why they’re so good at justifying and rationalizing their abusive actions? When a person believes their own lies, others will likely believe them too.

Bystanders and witnesses

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence. However, people get sucked in all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies.

Moreover, those who saw through it and spoke out were silenced. Or, they paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon. And it’s why you must learn to properly counter them. Or, you can let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

6. Covert Bullying Examples:

Bullies use Plausible Deniability

Most bullying is emotional and psychological torture. Sure, there are many physically violent bullies out there. They are psychologically traumatize you enough by using their fists.

However, most physical bullies aren’t socially intelligent. They aren’t persuasive.

Many of these types of bullies attack in groups wearing masks over their faces to ensure anonymity. Maybe they’re so well-connected that they’re almost untouchable.

Or, they don’t care about the consequences they will face.

Again, most bullies prefer psychological violence. And the reason is that there are no visible bruises or wounds to prove it. And without visible marks, there’s no proof of abuse.

The plausible deniability of it is what makes this tactic so covert.

Therefore, when you report the abuse, the perpetrators aren’t likely to get into trouble for it. Also, you stand a pretty good chance of taking the blame.

7. They Use Exaggerations and distortions.

These are the kinds of covert deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed. Therefore, it would only discredit them.

However, if they tell a half-truth, people will more than likely believe it. A half-truth is a lie that contains a tiny grain of truth. And the cleverest of liars use them.

Exaggerations and distortions are the same as half-truths. They’re perfect for bullies because, again, there’s always a degree of truth to them.

For example, a bully will provoke you. They will keep provoking you until you get fed up.  You’ll finally to tell the bully to buzz off. And you may use a low, angry growl to do it.

Later, the bully will tell others about it, making sure to blow it up, and make it bigger than it was.  They’ll say that you started the confrontation. Moreover, they’ll exaggerate what happened.

 The bully may tell everyone else that you screamed and cursed them out. And they’ll leave out the part where they kept provoking you until you got tired of their crap and told them to buzz off.

And the part where you told them to buzz off? The bully will distort it by saying that you told them to f*** off.

Therefore, always be prepared when you know you’re going to walk into a snake pit.

Covert Bullying Examples:

How to Defend Yourself

Here are ways to defend yourself by gathering evidence:

1. Document it.

It’s crucial to document each bullying incidence and do it in detail. Use the 5W method (what, who, why, when, where…and sometimes how).

Write down what happened, who was involved, and who the bystanders and witnesses were. Also record why the bullying incident happened (retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?).

Be sure to include when it happened (date and exact time of incidence) and where it happened (school bathroom, locker room, behind the school, the company parking lot, etc.).

2. Wear a body camera

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction and the laws permit you to wear one, I recommend you wear a body camera. In fact, I can’t stress it enough!

Body cams that record both video and audio are your best bet. However, if you can only get a cam that records video, that’s fine too. With these, you can still capture physical attacks and body language.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a video is worth a thousand pictures. Why? Because if bullying is caught on video, there’s no question that it’s happening.

This is why it’s the best evidence you can get!

3. Covert Bullying Examples:

Keep a digital recorder handy

These are good for recording verbal altercations. Also, many of them can play recordings that  sound clear and not muffled.

4. Make 3-4 Copies of your evidence

Whether it’s documentation, body cam recordings, or digital audio recordings, it’s always best to make several copies of the evidence.

Why? Because schools and workplaces are notorious for deliberately misplacing or losing your evidence of bullying.

Yeah, I know. Convenient, isn’t it?

5. Keep each of your copies in different locations.

This is so important! Because, if you think school districts and companies won’t snoop, you’re only fooling yourself.  In fact, many entities have hired people to break into victims’ houses to search for evidence they can dispose of.

When it comes to the threat of being sued, schools and companies will resort to anything, and I mean anything!

6. Covert Bullying Examples:

Screenshot and save any nasty and abusive emails, texts, or private messages

Very important! Any time bullies resort to cyber-bullying you, they automatically leave a paper trail! Screenshot it, save it, and, if need be, print them all out.

Make copies of them. Store each copy in an entirely different place (your house, your grandma’s house, your lawyer’s office, etc.) Also, you can store them in a fireproof safe!

Realize that schools and companies may snoop through your garbage when you put it out on the street for the trash-men to pick up. Moreover, they may break into your vehicle or  your home to snoop around for any evidence you might have against them.

You must realize that these people will do anything to cover their butts. I can’t count the articles I’ve read about these things happening to targets of bullying, whether in school, the workplace, or community.

And in today’s world, bullies are now targeting their victims with surveillance drones. Also, school boards are targeting parents with electronic surveillance as well, then spreading their private information and pictures of children to some evil entities.

It’s a very dangerous world nowadays and you never know what sick people you’re dealing with.

7. Never count on anyone else to investigate bullying for you.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your own evidence. Therefore, quietly do your own investigation.

It’s pointless to rely on the school or workplace to investigate for you. Why? Because the results will only be in the bullies’ and the investigating entity’s favor, not yours!

So, never, ever trust anyone else to gather evidence or investigate for you. When bullies target you for bullying, you cannot afford to trust anyone but yourself. I’m not joking!

When you’re bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. The only person you can depend on is you. Only you can gather the evidence you need to prove that bullies are targeting you. And, only you can take legal action, and get justice.

This post gave you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll know them when you see them in real time.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

narcissistic bullying tactics

Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

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‘Want to know the bullying tactics bullies use? Here are all the methods bullies use that you need to know.

bullying tactics

Bullies aren’t always so obvious and they don’t always use physical violence. Many seasoned bullies use psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual bullying tactics that go undetected.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the techniques they use, even the subtle ones so that you can easily call it out by name and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these bullying methods, you will be better able to see through them, speak out about them, and bully-proof yourself.

This post is all about all the bullying tactics so that you have the knowledge you need to defend yourself from even the most subtle attacks.

Bullying Tactics

1. Relational aggression (Sometimes Called Social Aggression)

Smear Campaigns

Since the beginning of time, bullies of all ages and backgrounds have always employed the smear campaign as their weapon of choice. Why? Simple. Because they work.

This is why the smear campaign is THE top most used bullying tactic of all. It’s employed by not only bullies against you, but many politicians against their opponents. Moreover, people with NPD use them against their victims.

Also, domestic abusers use them against their partners and dictators against anyone who dissents.

Smears always start subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. Therefore, all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because people will want to believe it.

Consequently, if enough people buy into a smear, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Therefore, bullies destroy you by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas.

Next, the bullies will fade into the background because they know that everything is likely to stick. They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the rest.

It shouldn’t be so easy, but sadly, it is.

As the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they get until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

Moreover, once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. By the time bullying is underway, your reputation is no longer clean.

If they can’t control you, they will control what others think of you.

2. Bullying tactics:

Redundancy – Repeating the Same Lies

Have you noticed how bullies tend to repeat the same personal attacks over and over again? It’s as if they’re going by a script!

Like Josef Goebbels said, “a lie repeated a thousand times becomes truth.

However, luckily for you, this can also backfire on the bullies and have the opposite effect. It can become boring.

In other words, the attacks can go on for so long, they become so boring that they actually lose their effect. Why?

Because, instead of tapering off once the attacks give them the desired outcome, the bullies only increase them.

They make this mistake trying to make sure that the rumors stick. Put simpler, bullies repeat the same garbage because their afraid others will forget how disgusting you are.

Therefore, they repeat the same tired, worn-out narratives and they end up losing support. Hence, it backfires right in their faces.

Therefore, let them repeat, repeat, repeat until they shoot themselves in the foot!

3. Use your friends against you.

First, let me say this. If your friends are allowing themselves to be used by your bullies aren’t friends at all. What they are, is a bunch of scumbags!

Therefore, treat them accordingly.

The reason your bullies may use them against you is because your friends likely know details about you that others aren’t privy to.

So, how do bullies weaponize your friends?

  • They have them ask you questions
  • They have them stick extra close to you.
  • They have them go through your belongings when you aren’t around.
  • They have them hawk your social media profiles and pages.

Therefore, it’s best to ditch these friends and find better ones.

4. Bullying tactics: Barking orders

When bullies order you around, they do it for power and to make you look like a wimp. Moreover they deny your equality and autonomy.

Instead of respectfully asking for what they want you, your bullies only give orders as if you’re a subordinate. Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of you.

Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers or your parents. Therefore, if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks an order, you tell them, “I don’t take orders.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy, self-esteem and keep feeling good about yourself.

5. Putting you on the defense

That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look either guilty or cr*zy.

Later, they provoke you into a fight and tell everyone else, “See? What did I tell you?”

This is also called, “baiting” because, essentially, they bait you into a fight.

Therefore, when bullies make such predictions, take it as a warning. And it should warn you that your bullies are about to pull some shady stuff on you and that you need to watch out.

It should tell you that what is really happening is that your bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation.

In other words, while the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting. But why?

So they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, they wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!

Realize that this kind of deception is easy to pull off. It shouldn’t work but it does!

Therefore, it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away. Then call it out by saying,

“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too st*pid to realize it.” And say it without elaborating on it any further.

6. Bullying Tactics: Giving Unsolicited advice

Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice, even through they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

Therefore, they freely advise you on how think, act, or feel under any circumstances. What bullies are best at is telling you how you should react to the very abuse they inflict. These morons have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

However, I want you to understand why bullies do this. Bullies give unsolicited advice because it serves them to do so.

How does it serve them, you may ask? It does so by giving their audience the impression that they know more and are more qualified than you.

In other words, bullies don’t give advice to help you. They give it to help themselves– to look cute and like they’re smarter than you.

Therefore, if you don’t know why bullies do it nor how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem. So, what are ways that you can counter some smartass who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?

How do you counter it?

You counter this by having a clear understanding that the weight another person’s opinion carries depends on their relationship with you. Or, at least, it should.

Put another way, the people who are the closest to you and whom you feel closest to are those whose opinions you should value the most. These are the people who love and care for you the most- your parents, grandparents, your spouse- your dearest family and friends.

In contrast, the opinions of any bullies, fake friends, anyone who uses and abuses you, should carry the least weight. Therefore, you don’t need a bully’s cheap two cents worth!

Never give value to anything that has none. In other words, stop giving undue value to the opinions of those who aren’t worth your consideration.

7. Bullying Tactics: Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for asking them. What are gotcha-questions, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that put you in a bad light no matter how you respond to them or if you respond to them at all. These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public, in front of an audience.

Gotcha-questions are forms of entrapment because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

Here are examples of Gotcha-Question bullying tactics:

“Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says that Jeff did get arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested whether his friends know it or not. If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends knows.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this question, the asker is calling Tabitha an alc*holic without directly calling her one. It’s a slick way for the asker to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. On the other hand, a no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information? It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

Here are a few healthy responses to such questions:

“You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”

“You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible. It may or may not save your good name, but you’ll feel good knowing that you called it out without allowing the bully to throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

8. Bullying Tactics: Insulting questions

“Why are you so r*tarded, arrogant, ignorant, etc.)?

Understand that these questions aren’t really questions. They’re only accusations made in the form of questions.

Bullies are notorious for asking their targets rhetorical questions, which are questions designed to illicit a dramatic effect and to make a point, not necessarily to get an answer.

In other words, these questions are only innuendo.

They insinuate the target’s perceived lack of intelligence, sarcastic attitude, indifference, refusal to listen to reason, obnoxiousness, uselessness, or worthlessness.

The best way to counter these questions is to come back with something sarcastic. Here are some snappy answers to the above questions:

“Why are you so st*pid?”

“Maybe it’s because I lose a few million brain cells every time I hear you speak.”

“Why are you such a smart-ass?”

“Gee! Maybe it’s because morons like you bring it out in me.”

“Why are you so r*tarded?”

“Because listening to the trash that comes out of your mouth would make anyone r*tarded.”

“Why are you such a loser?”

“Maybe because I’ve been around you too long and it’s rubbing off on me.”

Always counter with sarcasm! Bullies’ hate being made a fool of and I guarantee that answers with some burn will take the wind out of their sails.

9. Bullying Tactics: Body Language

Threatening body language can be any physical gesture, such as dirty looks, invading your personal space, or touching your things.

How you stand up to this is to return the dirty look or tell them to get out of your personal space. You can also tell them to stop touching your belongings.

This may or may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel great just knowing that you stood up to the creeps.

This post was all about the subtler forms of bullying tactics so that you can recognize them and respond appropriately.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You