Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

November 19, 2024November 8, 20242 Comments

Would you like to know several social bullying examples and the reasons bullies try to turn everyone against you? As someone who’s been affected in the past, I’m giving you all the details about social bullying.

Social bullying leaves it’s victims stripped of not only friends and supporters, but sometimes family members as well. If this is happening to you, then you’re doing all you can to research this type of bullying. Therefore, I’m giving you all the details and social bullying examples so that you’ll be able to name what is happening to you and protect yourself.

You will learn all the ins and outs of social bullying and what you can do to lessen it’s effects.

Once you learn all the aspects of social bullying, you will be able to call it out by name and defend yourself properly against it from now on.

This post is all about social bullying examples and will give you the tiny details about this insidious type of bullying.

social bullying examples

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Social bullies wreck your good standing in a school, workplace, or community by way smear campaigns of lies, rumors, and gossip.

Before we get into the details and examples, let’s first discuss why bullies attack your reputation and relationships. In other words, what do these bullies have to gain from sabotaging your social connections?

What are the psychological payoffs they get from doing this? Here’s are your answers.

Simply put, bullies attack your relationships and reputation to strip you of power. Once they kill your reputation and break apart your relationships, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.

In other words, social bullies turn people against you to isolate you. Understand that isolation weakens your position in the social world and leaves you wide open for attack.

Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. And they can do it without risk of others coming to your defense and holding the bullies accountable.

When everyone turns against you, they’ll no longer support and protect you. Therefore, you’re at the mercy of virtually anyone who decides to bully you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

First, Bullies Destroy your reputation.

How? By rumors, lies, and defamation.

In the beginning, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

Additionally, bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because you can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. You could deny the rumors. Moreover, you could even produce evidence that proves your innocence of the accusations.

2. You could ignore the lies and blow your accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at you with suspicion.

Social bullying examples: The mechanics of social bullying

1. If you defend yourself and produce evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

2. If you ignore the lies and wave your accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of you. Why? Because they’ll think that you have something to hide and are only playing it cool.

Moreover, social bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get you enraged and rattled. So much so that while defending yourself, you end up making a truckload of mistakes out of nervousness.

This works even better if you haven’t yet established a reputation. Because the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor. However, even if you do have a good reputation initially, the bullies will most likely destroy it because people tend to think the worst of others.

What happens once bullies have destroyed your good name?

Your damaged reputation meets people before you do.

Consequently, this brings loss of opportunities to meet new people. In other words, you lose the ability to move on with new friends.

When bullies and their followers have unjustly slandered or libeled you, even total strangers will no doubt hear of you. Therefore, there’s a strong chance that, by the time you meet them, they will already have their minds made up about you.

Sadly, this is one feature of bullying that crosses very few people’s minds.

Social bullying examples: invisible enemies

What’s even scarier is that you are left completely defenseless against the attacks of strangers. In other words, when you haven’t the slightest idea who your enemies are, how do you know who to watch out for?

Moreover, how do you know who to avoid? It’s impossible to protect yourself from invisible enemies.

This is often the case once bullies have unjustly used smear campaigns against you. It is a situation which is even more dangers because you are walking blind!

You cannot see the enemy. Someone could walk right up to you on the street, in broad daylight, and you wouldn’t know. Moreover, they could have a weapon hidden on them and you would never know of their intent to hurt or kill you until it was too late.

It will feel as if you’re fighting ghosts.

For example, we lost the Vietnam War because we didn’t know who the enemy was. We didn’t know exactly who was or wasn’t on our side!

Reputation is the decider of merit.

Your reputation will always decide the credit you get even from actions that are innocent. In other words, two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way.

And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler, It’s not what you do. It’s who others perceive you to be when you do it.

It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

Here’s the rub. A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings us to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything! A bad reputation, regardless of whether you deserve it, sets you up to fail.

However, there’s hope!

Social bullying examples

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how:

1. Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind. However, if you stay in the community where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward.

You may wonder why this is.

It’s because, sadly, the social bullying has gone on for so long that your reputation in the community has become ironclad. Consequently, there isn’t much you can do to change things once something has gained that kind of strength.

In other words, you’ll always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures and better opportunities?

Again, the best you can do to better your life is to move away and get a fresh start in a new town. It will be the only way you will find happiness and stability.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and one you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. You and these people will already have common ground.

The cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

3. when your friends turn against you because of your bullies’ Lies, have nothing more to do with them.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, then believes the lies of social bullies does not deserve your friendship. Also, they were probably never your friend to begin with.

Therefore, walk away from them and reject them if they come back around. This is how you value yourself. It’s how you protect yourself and treat yourself well.

A true friend would never believe any lies and rumors about you. Moreover, they would have enough respect for you to ask you before making such snap judgements.

This post was all about social bullying examples, the mechanics of social bullying, and what you can do to lessen or alleviate the negative affects of it on your life.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

The 4 Stages of Bullying

August 15, 2024August 15, 202412 Comments

‘Want to know what the 4 stages of bullying are so that you can know to put a stop to it before it gets out of control?

Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people each year. If you’re one of them, you’re probably wondering how it begins and what it is about potential targets that attracts the ire of bullies. As someone who’s been in the crosshairs of bullies, I’m giving you the 4 stages of bullying, in full detail.

You will learn all the characteristics of each of the 4 stages of bullying so that you can know which stages your situation falls in.

Once you learn these phases, you will know what to do and if there’s still time to turn things around.

This post is all about the 4 stages of bullying and what you, as a target, can do to remedy the situation.

The 4 Stages of Bullying

This post isn’t about me and I always make sure to make every post about you, the reader. However, I feel compelled to tell you what my wise grandmother once told me.

“Never. And I mean NEVER… let anyone get comfortable with abusing and mistreating you.”

She was right. However, by the time she gave me that little gold nugget of wisdom, it was already too late.

I was in high school and had been a victim of bullying since moving to *Oakley School District in the sixth grade. Therefore, right then, I understood what she meant and why she gave me that advice.

Therefore, understand that bullying is a process. It goes through stages, the pre-beginning stage, beginning stage, middle stage, and late stage.

Moreover, the bullying can move through stages either quickly and even skip a stage or two, or more slowly. But, how it progresses depends on the situation, environment, and people involved.

1. Pre-beginning Stage of Bullying

A group of classmates or coworkers (bullies) search for a target. Once they spot a potential target (PT), they watch them closely, studying them. Here’s what the bullies try to figure out:

What excites the PT
Things that make the PT happy, sad, angry, upset, etc.
What the PT most desires
Any voids in life the PT has
Any unmet and unfulfilled wants and needs the PT has.
The PT’s body language and facial expressions to assess moods and mental states.

In other words, the bullies want to know these things to find areas where the PT is most vulnerable. Then, they can figure out whether the person would be an easy target.

2. Beginning Stage (Grooming Stage)

If you’re that PT, understand that bullies will test the waters by throwing out subtle or not-so-subtle insults and attacks to see how you react. If you give the bullies the reaction they’re looking for, they will select you and make you their target.

In other words, the bullies use the above process to groom you.

By this stage, the bullies have gathered the intel they searched for in the pre-beginning stage. They then weaponize it and use it in their attacks against you.

For example: If the bullies find out that your father has a drinking problem, or that your husband or wife is cheating on you. They may use the info to bait you into a reaction.

They may say something to the effect of:

“Hey, So-and-so! I heard that your father is a drunk (or, your wife cheated on you)! Is that true?”

You then fire back saying:

“No, he’s not (she didn’t)! You lay off!

Next, the bullies put you on the defense, then build off your defensive reaction. The bullies laugh and say, “Aww! ‘Smatter? ‘Truth hurt?”

And on and on the bullies build on each answer to get you riled.

The bullies continue to berate you until they get bored with the same tactics. They then escalate the attacks.

If you don’t stand up for yourself during this stage, you’ll come to be known as a pushover, a wimp- someone that is ripe for abuse.

And once that label becomes iron-clad, it will be almost impossible to keep people from using you as a doormat.

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Middle Stage.

In this stage, the bullies signal to other classmates or coworkers that you’re ripe for attack. Therefore, they encourage and even recruit bystanders to unite with them and join in the torment.

Moreover, bullies do this through gossip, rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns. They continue this behavior until, one by one, people begin turning against you.

As time goes by, more and more people turn their backs on you until you have no friends nor support system left.

Now, you have become radioactive. In other words, no one wants to associate with you because they know they’ll be next if they do.

Therefore, to ensure their own reputations don’t become tarnished, bystanders may avoid you altogether. Also, they may become willing participants in the attacks.

We call these people, secondary bullies.

During the middle stage of bullying, physical abuse begins.

In this stage, the bullying becomes physical. Therefore, bullies and others begin to physically attack you. First, they may accidentally on purpose, run into you in the hall or parking lot. Next, they’ll trip you as you’re walking outside.

After that, they hit you, kick, punch, and shove you. Finally, you’ll suffer brutal beatings by bullies and their new followers.

Although physical bullying can happen in the workplace, it’s much more common in the school environment.

The physical bullying then escalates to a climax. People seem to be standing in line, waiting on their turn to have a boxing match with you.

It grows to such that you, while only trying to defend yourself, get involved in many fights.

Consequently, the number of physical altercations causes teachers and staff (or police) to label you as the troublemaker.

Defamation of your character also grows during this stage.

Also, once the mistreatment goes on for so long, others get comfortable with abusing you. In fact, they grow so accustomed to being cruel to you that they don’t even think about nor care how they hurt you.

It is also during this stage that bullies and their recruits go home and tell their families horrible lies and rumors about you. The family members then spread the word to the people they know at work, the supermarket, etc.

Next, the coworkers, friends, and extended family members pass what they’re told to their families. And word of your perceived evilness or craziness spreads throughout the entire community.

Thus, they completely decimate your reputation. Therefore, everyone meets your reputation before getting the chance to meet you in person.

Understand that people do this deliberately to create a toxic environment for you. In other words, they lay the groundwork for an environment that doesn’t allow you to receive support, make new friends, nor rise above the abuse.

Finally, your opportunities for love, friendship, jobs, careers, etc. are either limited or lost.

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Late Stage.

Bullying becomes mobbing when it reaches this stage!

Now, people who’ve never met you wish to attack you. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.”

Therefore, this stage is the most dangerous because everyone around you becomes deranged. Also, they get so emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hatred anymore.

And why not? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long that they know that there’s no incentive to stop the attacks.

snowball effect

Once it reaches this stage, there’s no accountability. Moreover, when there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no limits to it.

Therefore, the bullies (and everyone else) can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening.

Everyone in the community hates you and wants nothing more than to see you suffer. Understand that the “good people” of the community have no idea why they hate you. Moreover, they’ll never be able to tell you exactly what you did to deserve it.

All they know is that they loathe you and have an intense desire to destroy you.

Furthermore, people will come to expect you the take the abuse. Any attempts to defend yourself will only bring more outrage.

In fact, others will prevent you from questioning their abuse nor talking back to them when they verbally attack you. Also, they’ll try to prevent you from even talking about the abuse to people outside the dynamic.

In other words, when you finally get fed up and stand up to your persecutors, they won’t respect you for it.

The last and most dangerous of the 4 Stages of Bullying

Why is that? Because they’ve grown so accustomed to abusing you, any self-defense on your part takes them out of their comfort zones.

People love their comfort zones. Therefore, they’ll only retaliate and do everything in their power to subdue you. You’ll be in a constant battle which will only wear you down and exhaust you.

Again, this stage is the most dangerous and if you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area and tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving.

Or transfer to a different school. Whatever the case, just find a way to quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it.

Be warned that it is also during this stage that you’ll either die by suicide or leave town, move schools, or move on to a different company to pursue a better life. I hope you choose the latter and not the former.

If you choose the latter option, you’ll finally relocate and get a fresh start. You will also get a chance to reinvent yourself and move on to prosperity.

You will rebuild your life, begin to flourish, and create a better world for yourself.

Case In Point

You must firmly stand up to bad treatment in the early stages of bullying. Why? Because during these stages, it’s more likely that others will respect your right to be treated well.

Therefore, they’ll either leave you alone or began treating you better.

Whereas, if you allow the bullying go on for a long time before defending yourself, others will grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll probably only resent you for daring to open your mouth about it and stand up to their abuse.

They will then double down in their abuse or eliminate you somehow.

Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, once people grow comfortable with mistreating you, it’s much more difficult to fight.

Therefore, always set and enforce your boundaries right when the bullying begins. Never let it go on for any length of time. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to assert your rights and avoid retaliation.

this post was all about the 4 stages of bullying so that you can better prepare your defense strategies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. People Pleaser Test: 4 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

Bullying and Relational Aggression- “Don’t Associate With Her!”

July 17, 20212 Comments

It’s bad enough when bullies mistreat you themselves. But when they set out to prevent you from becoming friends with people besides them, that’s even worse.

Social and relational bullies are like obsessive exes who won’t allow you to move on from the hurt. You know the type- an ex who claims they don’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

They deliberately try to isolate you to wield power over you and make you believe that you need them- that you need their approval to live a happy life.

Another goal is to instill shame in you and make you believe you somehow deserve to be bullied. Bullies also do this to isolate you so that they can more safely continue, even escalate their attacks. If the bullies can turn everyone else against you, then you’re least likely to get support, and they’re least likely to be held responsible for their behavior.

Bullies use socio-relational aggression for many reasons, a couple of which are to get back at you for a perceived slight or intense jealousy of your good relations with others.

Bullies reap other psychological benefits, as well. They get gratification and satisfaction in seeing you alienated from everyone else. Also, your isolation serves them as proof that you’re a terrible person. Bullies always have to be right about you.

Understand that these types of bullies observe you very carefully. They keep track of you to find out who you associate with, who you date, even who your family members are. They also dig up information about your life.

When they find out who your friends are, they then tell your friends lies about you or threaten to harm your friends if they catch them having any more to do with you. Bullies will also mistreat your partner and even go after your family. You must realize that bullies thrive on fear, and, as I’ve already mentioned, their goal is to isolate you and make you more vulnerable. They cut you off from any protection or assistance.

Once they have succeeded in alienating you, they can bully you at will and with impunity. Bullies can also keep you silent about the abuse. If you have no one to talk to-, if no one will listen to you, then there’s no way you can speak out about them or their abuse without getting rebuffed or ridiculed.

So, here’s the short list. Social and relational bullying reaps the following rewards for bullies:

• Silence of the target
• the freedom to abuse anytime they want
• protection
• confirmation of the target’s unworthiness
• favor with others
• immunity from accountability
• gratification, satisfaction, and, most of all, overall power and domination of the target!

Knowledge is power, so get wise to your bullies. It’s the first step in protecting yourself from them.

Envious? Of What?

February 7, 202110 Comments

When I look back today, I can see so much clearer. I never needed friends like those. However, when it’s happening, you don’t see it so clearly. Being in the middle of a storm can obscure your vision and cloud your judgment, causing you to feel things that are entirely out of your character. And one of those feelings is jealousy.

Being a target of relentless bullying is a lonely existence. The target not only becomes secretly desperate to have friends, but he also grows to hate anyone who does have them. I can testify to this because I’d watch the girls who were lucky enough to be surrounded by friends when I was a target. I’d watch them laugh and notice the bright smiles and their auras brimming with confidence- and I’d feel white-hot rage brewing- stirring inside me.

I could feel my eyes blaze and shoot daggers of fire at those happy girls. I never showed it, but I hated them with the fierceness of a hurricane! It was one of the reasons why I’d often instigate fights and sow discord between other classmates.

I realize now that it was terrible for me to feel that way. I was certainly wrong for feeling the way I did. However, when you’re a kid, you don’t understand why life is one way for some and not others.

And when life seems to be so bad that you want to look up and either cry out to or angrily lash out at God for allowing such an unfair injustice- for not only allowing you to starve but for seemingly forcing you to watch everyone else enjoy a five-course feast. At the same time, you go without, that’s when you know your attitude needs an overhaul!

When you’re a kid, you don’t understand why some have it better than others. You don’t know why some can and some can’t. And you wrack your brain, trying to figure out what the secret ingredients are.

But now that I know what the secret ingredients are, I realize that it never was anything I would’ve wanted in the first place. It wouldn’t have been worth it. They wouldn’t have been worth it.

To have to put on an act to be accepted by everyone?

To have to keep up appearances to be popular?

To be totally dependent on the approval of others?

To let other people’s opinions and the number of friends be the definition of who I am?

To have to be someone I’m not and micromanage every move I make and everything I say to keep from accidentally letting the real me slip out and risk displeasing people around me?

To have to cover one lie with a new one?

To be always afraid of people finding out who I really am?

To have my peace, happiness, and freedoms depend on the permission of others?

No thanks! They can have all the friends they want through all the fakery they want. That’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. If people don’t like the real me, they can hit the bricks. I don’t need them around.

I look back and realize that the vast majority of my classmates lived solely for their friends and the approval of others. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.

Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others- tools- followers, sheep.

Me? I refuse to live that way. And I don’t live for them. I’m not out to win a popularity contest. I only want to be and do what makes me happy and live a drama-free life and in comfort. No more, no less.

Other than God, myself, and my family, I don’t live for anyone else, and I couldn’t care less about their approval.

I know who I am, and I live for much better things!

When I look back to all those years ago, I realize that there was nothing to be envious of. In fact, I was much better off than any of them. I was the luckier one. I didn’t have to jump through hoops and bend over backward for them. Although it was hard and I paid a heavy price for it, I lived for me, and I’m so glad I did.

If you’re a target of bullying and you ever find yourself jealous of your bullies and everyone else who has all these friends around them, I urge you to consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. What do they have to give up?

Is having to stuff down and bury your true nature a way you want to live? Having others dictate to you what you should be?

I hope not.