Tag: setting boundaries

setting boundaries

Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

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Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing personal boundaries is another. Therefore, do you want to know what comes with enforcing personal boundaries? Or, vise versa?

enforcing personal boundaries

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

In this post, you will learn exactly what it means to enforce personal boundaries. Also, you will learn how to go about doing it so that you can better protect yourself against human predators.

After you learn about all these things, you will better and more effectively keep bullies and abusers at bay. Also, you will be able to more successfully protect yourself from all kinds of bullies and abusers.

This post is all about enforcing personal boundaries, what it entails, and how you go about it, so that you can more effectively keep bullies away.

Enforcing Personal Boundaries

As stated earlier, setting boundaries is telling others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries. Enforcing boundaries, on the other hand, is doing what you said you’d do if someone violates them.

Understand that you can set boundaries all day long but if you don’t enforce them, people will pick up on it very quickly. Therefore, they’ll no longer take you seriously.

Moreover, they’ll only see you as making empty threats. People will then step over your boundaries deliberately, just because they can!

This is why enforcing personal boundaries is so important. It’s the step that let’s people know in no uncertain terms that you’re not one to toy around with.

However, setting and enforcing boundaries is never easy, especially if you’re dealing with bullies. Bullies, especially those with narcissistic personality disorder, despise boundaries and will retaliate and lash out at you for daring to have them.

Bullies Despise Boundaries and anyone who has them.

They hate anyone who is their own person and not the person they want them to be. Bullies want conformers and followers, not original, free-thinking individuals.

 Moreover, the reason bullies abhor boundaries is because it means that they can’t control you. And when a bully cannot control you, they go into panic mode and will do very desperate things.

The backlash will be even worse,  if bullies have grown comfortable with wresting control over you. Why? Because you will automatically take them out of their comfort zones once you take your power back. Then you will have hell to pay if you aren’t careful.

Understand that when you decide you will no longer be controlled by your bullies, the power dynamic automatically changes. The trick is to keep that new power dynamic from rolling back.

You see? Bullies have an entitlement attitude and they want things back to the way they used to be. Therefore, be prepared for them to attempt to try to reclaim power by doing either one or all of the following.

  • They will be super sweet to you.
  • They’ll threaten to ruin you socially.
  • They may verbally or physically attack you.
  • Or they’ll resort to smearing you to others.
  • They’ll also lay guilt trips on you.

However, no matter what they do or how they may retaliate, don’t back down. Stick to your guns.

so, what strategies are involved in enforcing personal boundaries?

There are 7.

1. Don’t Just Mouth It. Mean it!

Again, you can’t just set boundaries by threatening consequences. You must be prepared to back it up with action (enforcement) if someone sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And the consequences must be severe enough that the person doesn’t want to even think of messing with you again.

2. If they physically attack you, hit them back and make it count.

Anytime a bully lays so much as a finger on you, they are violating your physical boundaries. One of the ways to enforce your physical boundaries is to hit them right back! And when you hit them, make it count!

In other words, hit the bully with enough force that it knocks them down, or at least back a few steps. Instead of only punching them with the strength of your arm, use the strength and weight of your entire body.

Also, hit them dead in the nose. That booger box is the best body part to aim for because a hard blow to the nose stuns a person.

Then, quickly pelt the bully with such a hail of punches that he can’t even think to exchange licks. You must be quick about it because once the bully recovers from the stunning blow and gathers his senses, he will come back at you.

Therefore, unleash a quick-as-lightning rainfall of hard punches to the face and head. And don’t stop until the bully is either down for the count or someone pulls you apart.

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If the Bully is Super Sweet to you, take it with a grain of salt.

In other words, see through the bullies fake, good-guy act.

Anytime bullies start getting chummy with you, there are three reasons.

  • They want something from you.
  • Your bullies are trying to set you up for something bad.
  • They’re trying to bring down your defenses.

Therefore, whatever you do, don’t fall for it!

4. If bullies threaten to ruin you socially, let them.

Even better, tell them to go for it. Chances are good that your bullies have already smeared you to other people and turned them against you. So, what do you have to lose?

And if you do have a few friends they might get to, see this as a test to your friends. In other words, watch your friends closely and see if they go along with it.

Here, you’ll quickly find out whether your friends are really there for you. If your friends believe the bullies’ lies and smears and turn against you, you’ll know that they never were your friends to begin with. Then you can cut them out of your life for good.

On the other hand, if they blow the bullies off and continue to stand with you, you’ll know that they’re true friends and that you can count on them.

5. If they begin screaming, yelling, and cursing you out, put your hand up. Then turn your back and walk away.

Anyone who stands in your face yelling, screaming, and cursing is violating your psychological and emotional boundaries. Therefore, show them that this is not okay.

Put your hand up and walk away. These people do not deserve the privilege of being in your company. However, keep your eyes peeled in case they try to attack you as you’re walking away. People are nuts these days.

And know that if they’re in your face, it’s okay to punch their lights out.

Also, you can look your bullies dead in the eyes, put your hand out like a traffic cop, and tell them to stay the hell away from you.

 

6. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If Your Bullies smear you to others, again, let them.

That’s right! Let them talk. Let them try to turn everyone against you.

See your bullies’ behavior for what it is. They’re in panic mode. They’re desperate to get you back under their thumb because they’re deathly afraid of losing control of you.

Also, remember this! If they can’t control you, they will try to control how other people look at you. In their desperation, your bullies will lie. They will spread ugly rumors and they will act like you violated them somehow.

And this bears repeating. If others outside of the conflict side with the bullies by believing their falsehoods, then those others, including the people you thought were friends, do not deserve a seat at your table.

Give them all the boot and do it yesterday!

7. If they lay guilt trips on you, blow them off and be on your way.

In other words, your bullies may make up a story about how they’ve done you a favor in the past. And this will more than likely be something you know doggone well isn’t true.

Moreover, when you call them on it, they might tell you that maybe you’ve forgotten about it or that your memory isn’t serving you correctly.

But don’t let them cause you to doubt yourself. And, for Pete’s sake! Don’t let them make you feel guilty!

Remember your history with them. You know that these people have never done a damn thing for you. They’ve only tried to use, abuse, and puppeteer you.

Therefore, tell them to take a hike!

In Conclusion:

Know that enforcing your boundaries will not be easy, especially once bullies have grown accustomed to controlling you.

Nevertheless, you must, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, hold firm and double down. If you refuse to give in to your bullies, there’s always a chance they just might leave you alone.

But be prepared just in case they don’t. You might need to either fight like hell or remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a place where you can make a fresh start.

This post was all about enforcing personal boundaries to give you the strategies you need to stay strong and take care of yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

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Do you want to know about setting boundaries and how it can improve your life and your relationships? These powerful practices have changed my life and they will change yours too.

setting boundaries

When you’re too afraid to set boundaries, you hand over your power. In that, you doom yourself to a life of use and abuse. But once you lose that fear and begin taking control of your life, I can attest that things will make a dramatic change for the better.

You are going to learn about the importance of setting boundaries and the best practices you can use to do so.

After you learn about all these practices and techniques, you will no longer be afraid to hold your ground when people try to push your limits. Even better, you will take back control of your life!

This post is all about the best ways of setting boundaries that every victim of bullying should know and use.

3 Best ways of setting boundaries

1. If someone violates your boundaries, speak up.

In other words, tell the person to stop and use body language to convey that you mean it. For instance, you could put your hand out like a traffic cop as you tell them to stop. This is good because it will most likely shock the bully.

However, if they keep it up, raise your voice and tell them, “I said stop it, now!” And when you say it, say it confidently and firmly while looking the bully in the eye and giving him a hard glare. Also, make a power pose (hands on hips and feet shoulder-width apart).

The last thing you want to do is to sit or stand in silence and say nothing. You must let the bully know that you aren’t one who will put up with them.

Remember that, In today’s world, bullies and abusers are everywhere and they will violate your boundaries if you allow them to.

Also, remember that bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re the victim and you don’t deserve the same human rights as everyone else.

Sadly, many victims of bullying don’t have the confidence they need to set boundaries. They only keep their mouths shut, grin, and bear it while others wipe their feet on them.

Consequently, this only damages self-esteem and overall mental health. Just as you would protect your physical boundaries, you must also protect your psychological and emotional boundaries as well.

It’s your responsibility to put a stop to the abuse, no one else’s

It isn’t your fault if you’re a target or victim. However, at some point, you will need to make a stand. Do you want to spend your whole life being someone’s footstool?

Don’t continue to suffer in silence and obscurity. You should never allow people to use you as a rug. Realize that if people are bullying you, it is your responsibility to put a stop to the abuse, no one else’s.

Yeah, I know you look at schools everywhere and see anti-bullying policies on their websites and “Stop Bullying” posters on their walls in the hallways. Workplaces even have their own policies against bullying.

But the reality is that most anti-bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. Why? Because people in authority rarely enforce those policies. Also, in most cases, the institution will only take the bullies’ side over yours. It happens all the time.

That’s why I stress that if a person is being bullied, it’s their responsibility to put a stop to it.

I understand that setting boundaries is not easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things to do. Especially after people have bullied you for so long.

They may have brainwashed you into thinking that you’re to blame for their brutish behavior. Your bullies may have even conditioned you to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over you. Or, you may even fear for your physical safety.

However, at some point, you will have to make a choice. You either stand up and defend yourself or you keep taking it and spend your entire life with people jerking you around.

That’s no way to live. So, again tell the person to stop while using body language and facial expressions that match your words. You’ll be glad you did!

2. Say “No.”

And mean it. Put simpler, if someone asks or tells you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, say, “no.” Then, back it up by refusing to do it.

“No” is a tiny word but has huge power behind it.

However, many of us were raised to believe that saying “no” is rude, self-centered and disrespectful.

Many of us grew up during a time when children automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter whether or not the adult was being fair. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.

Nevertheless, the adults in our lives often forced us to say yes. Abusive ones conditioned us to go against our own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment.

It was “obey, or else.”

As a result, they ended up molding us into spineless adults. We get used and abused by partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.

Why? Because, in the past, we were duped into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.” We got the message that being agreeable shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Only we ended up learning the hard way that it’s the exact opposite- what it really means is that we become easy targets for human vampires, leeches and predators.

“No” is not an easy word to say.

“No” is not an easy word to say, especially to bullies, abusers, narcissists, and psychopaths. Why? Because they despise it when you tell them no and, chances are that they will become enraged and retaliate.

However, realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled. This is why they take being told “no” so personally.

However, you must hold firm even if they retaliate, and even if they use tactics of emotional manipulation, such as guilt-tripping. Know that any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is NOT your responsibility OR your problem.

Don’t cave in and eventually, they’ll give up and go find another stooge.

3. when someone physically attacks you, defend yourself.

To put it bluntly, if someone physically attacks you, you are well within your rights to haul off and punch them back. And when you do, do it with all your strength and make sure to go for that booger box. Hitting a bully in the nose will stun them. Then, when the bully is stunned, unload on them.

Physical violence should be a last resort after all else has failed, that much is true. However, it becomes necessary when someone is physically attacking you and the situation calls for self-defense.

Whether or not to hit back is the question on every bully target’s mind these days, especially in today’s climate of political correctness that we find ourselves in. Politicians, the media, and movies vehemently suggest not fighting violence with violence. You’ve probably heard statements such as:

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
“Turn the other cheek.”
“Don’t stoop to the bully’s level.”
And,
“Be the bigger person and walk away.”

However, what if your bully won’t let you be the bigger person? What if your bully has you cornered and you can’t walk away? What do you do then?

Also, what would the person making the statements above do? Obviously, they’re not the one who’s bullied and facing a possible beat down. Therefore, what right do they have to make such statements?

Don’t you just love it when those who know so little talk so much, giving you all this free advice?

speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

Furthermore, bullies don’t understand nonviolent means. They don’t understand talking it out, reasoning, politeness, and diplomacy. The only language they understand is brute strength and raw power.

Therefore, you speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

You throw up your dukes and punch the bully’s lights out. Remember, this isn’t about a competition of “Who’s the Toughest Kid on the Block.” It isn’t about any pissing contest.

What it’s about is protecting yourself. It’s about keeping someone else from harming you and it’s also about safeguarding your physical health and well-being.

Also, it may be about survival. I can’t count the stories I’ve read about school fights where bully victims have been beaten to death. These days, there are countless news stories about bullies murdering their victims during a fight.

So, why just let another person use you as their personal punching bag and leave everything up to chance?

This post was all about setting boundaries to help you gather the courage to stand your ground when dealing with bullies and human predators.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

Never Let It Phase You When Someone Unfriends You on Social Media. Let the Trash Take Itself Out.

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Too many people, especially targets of bullying, get upset and take it personally when someone unfriends them or unfollows them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any social media platform.

But why? Should that person’s approval or disapproval even matter?

Don’t get me wrong. No one likes to be rejected and having someone you thought was a friend delete you can hurt. So, I completely understand the pain and the wondering why the person or persons rejected you.

Maybe you said something on a post the other person didn’t like, so the person got their skivvies in a bunch and unfriended them. Or the other person lashed out at you in a comment and threatened and threatened to unfriend or block you. And now, you feel bad and want to apologize for “offending” the person.

But does it even warrant an apology? And should you feel devastated? Does this necessarily mean it’s the end of the world?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Who is the other person to dictate what you say on your page?

2. Unless you’re intentionally trying to harm someone, what’s the big deal?

3. Who is this person to tell you what your opinions and beliefs should be?

4. And last and most important, how much does this person mean to you?

You wouldn’t let someone walk into your house and tell you how to arrange your furniture or tell you what you should or should not talk about. So, why would you allow them to tell you what you should type on your page?

Understand that just as your home and property that you own are your physical real estate, your social media is your online real estate, and you own it. Therefore, what you put on it is your business, unless you’ve using it to unprovoked and unjustly libel someone to cause them loss of business and reputation. Only then are you crossing a line.

As far as your personal opinions, beliefs, and convictions are concerned, these are yours to voice and they’re free. And when someone comes on your page and personally attacks you over one of your posts, technically, they’re in your house.

If anyone unfriends you because they don’t like what you have to say or how you say it, let them go because, obviously, anyone who doesn’t allow you to say what you feel and be yourself doesn’t and never did deserve your friendship in the first place. Also, they don’t deserve to have access to your page.

And if the person launches personal attacks against you by making nasty comments or threats, you can always delete them from your friends or followers list or block them completely.

You must realize that not everyone who sends you friend requests, who’s already on your friends’ list, or who follows you is your friend. Many of them are only there to check up on you and poke a nose in your business.

Several are there to see what you have to say and screenshot your posts so that they can show others as they pick it apart and take your words completely out of context in attempts to mar your good name. Others may be there to find out your marital status and see who your family members and friends are.

And once you realize this, you won’t feel nearly as bad the next time someone unfriends or unfollows you. In fact, you won’t even care. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

You should only value the approval and opinions of those you value the most- people who have proven that they value you in return- your family and closest friends.

Again, how much does this person mean to you?

Understand that if a person doesn’t mean a lot to you, neither will their opinions or judgements of you. And if a Facebook friend or Twitter or Instagram follower has a problem with one of your posts, either let them go, unfriend, or block them. It’s as simple as that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!