‘Want to know about bully-victims and reasons victims of bullying may resort to bullying those even weaker than them? Here’s everything about this phenomenon you need to know.
It’s hard to have empathy when you suffer constant bullying. Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, it only blunts our capacity to feel for others.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bully-victims and why they may choose to bully those even weaker than themselves. You will also understand that, if you fall into this category, you can stop the behavior and handle the bullying you suffer more constructively.
Once you learn all about this vital information, you’ll be better able to spot a bully-victim or recognize the behavior in yourself and make changes.
This post is all about bully-victims, so you can recognize the behavior and identify victims who might have become bullies themselves and keep yourself from becoming one.
Bully-Victims
Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.
Your pain is so great, it’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you couldn’t care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.
I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade. As much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.
Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, decades later, I’m sorry that happened to them. At the time it happened, I had absolutely no heart for the girls. I even had the attitude that it had served them right. I thought that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.
I’m so glad that this attitude changed once I had my first child. I became sorry that those girls lost their lives. It’s funny how quickly you mature once you become a parent.
Back in school, I did not have it in me to care.
After a person endures bullying for a long time, they can become cold toward others. As a result, it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.
Therefore, if you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your humanity. It won’t be easy, but do your level best to hold on to your empathy.
Bully-Victims:
Sometimes Bullied People Bully People
Bullying hurts. It’s not the physical beatings in the locker room. It isn’t people tripping you in the hallways, nor having your books knocked out of your arms. It isn’t the name-calling and threats, nor the rumors, lies, and smear campaigns. And it’s not the cruel jokes and pranks.
It’s the cumulative sum of all of it.
It leaves you with a sense that you’ve lost all control over your life. It is as if you no longer get a say in what happens to you. Bully-victims feel they have power over nothing!
Therefore, they become desperate – desperate to have power over something, anything! You soon begin to bully those who are even more vulnerable than you are.
Through your own victimization, you quickly learn that to keep from being so powerless, you must bully too. Therefore, by bullying you, bullies unwittingly teach you how to bully.
This is why we call these people bully-victims. Because they are both bullies and victims of other bullies, they bully to feel better about themselves and to ascend a few rungs up the social ladder.
On the other hand, pure bullies are individuals who don’t get bullied by others.
Bully-Victims:
Both Bullies and Victims.
Bully-victims are both bullies and victims of bullying by other bullies. And they bully far more than the pure bullies do because they have more to prove.
Bully victims are far more hated and ostracized than pure bullies or pure victims. They’re lonelier and have few friends or none at all.
Bully-victims often resort to trickery and deceit. Many are pathological liars, cheats, fakes, and sneaks. They believe that humans are the lowest form of life on earth. Bully-victims tend to be Machiavellian. I certainly was.
Understand that bully-victims need help. They need someone to get it through their heads that just because people are bullying them doesn’t make it okay to bully someone else.
However, we must tell them lovingly and with patience. Why? Because they’re hurting inside and need someone to listen to them and gently guide them in the right direction.
It’s easy to become a bully when you’re a target of bullying.
It’s too easy! Because after others bully you for so long, you search for ways to buffer the pain. You search for a band-aid, any band-aid, even if it’s temporary!
Many targets become bullies themselves because they’re just plain tired of being powerless. They desire to have control over something —or someone. We all want to be in control of something because to have power over nothing is the very definition of hell!
And nothing renders you as powerless as being bullied by everyone. Once you become completely helpless, you’ll start looking for instant gratification and do anything to achieve some sense of power.
Again, in their cruel treatment of you, your bullies teach you that bullying another person is what it takes. You’ll think that it’s the only way to achieve that sense of control and to climb the social ladder.
Finding a victim of your own gives you the sense that you’re not on the bottom of the pecking order anymore. And you think, “Why not? It’s working for them (the bullies), so it should work for me too.”
The problem with this is that bullies are cowardly and pathetic. Therefore, if you bully someone else, it shows that you’re no better than they are!
Bully-Victims:
If you bully others because people bully you, you’re no better than your bullies.
In fact, it proves that you’re worse because you know firsthand how it feels and should know better. You must realize that no one else would feel any different from you if it were happening to them.
In fact, they may not be as resilient as you are and end up taking their own lives. Their blood would be on your hands!
I’m ashamed and sorry to have to tell you, but I did the same thing during my school days. Because I felt utterly powerless, I began to bully people I thought were weaker than me. I own that, and I have remorse for it now.
Take it from someone who’s tried it. If you become a bully and attack others, you may get a rush of power. However, it will last only briefly because it wears off quickly.
Then, you’ll be back to square one and looking for the next rush. You’ll seek your victim out again and again because you’ll always feel you must have more! It’s no different than having a drug addiction!
If bullying doesn’t come naturally to you, it will only eat away at your conscience!
I implore you! Instead of bullying people who look like prey, align with them. Become their friend and their protector. I guarantee you! You’ll feel much better about yourself.
More importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in their lives, and there’s no better feeling than that! Knowing that you’ve helped someone and made life better for them is more rewarding than you realize!
Realizing that you were possibly the difference that kept that person from ending their own life is a feeling so wonderful, words can’t describe it! I promise you!
Bully-Victims:
Here are 4 Reasons Victims of Bullying Become Bullies.
There are reasons victims of bullying become bullies. However, reasons are not excuses.
1. To get the negative spotlight off them and onto someone else.
“Don’t look at me, look at him!” This is why victims will bully someone else. If they can take the negative spotlight off themselves, they will anytime they get the chance.
As long as bullies are targeting someone else, they’re leaving you alone. Therefore, you bully someone else, hoping to divert the bully’s attention to the other victim.
2. So that they don’t feel like they’re the only ONES picked on.
No bullied victim wants to be the only one. It feels much better when someone else is being bullied right along with you. Misery loves company, and having someone to share your suffering provides a sense of comfort.
When someone else is being bullied like you are, your situation doesn’t feel so isolated. Therefore, the bullying becomes easier to bear. Why?
Because the bullying feels less like an individual defect. Therefore, it lessens some of the shame and isolation that often accompany being bullied. Also, when you see someone else enduring the same treatment, it validates your feelings and experiences.
It makes you feel stronger because you share something in common with the other person who endures bullying.
Bully-victims want that commonality with someone… anyone. It’s why they create other victims by bullying those who are weaker than they are.
3. Bully-Victims:
To Feel Like They Still HAVE a Little Bit of Power Left.
These kids bully because they are being bullied themselves, either in the home, at school, or both. They feel powerless. So, to reclaim some of the power, they seek out someone even weaker and bully them.
These individuals have a strong need to be in control of something in their lives. For example, a child is yelled at by his parents. Then he gets mad and kicks the dog. This is why I call this “Kicking the Dog.”
That child has lost control. So, he tries to create that sense of power by victimizing the dog.
4. To keep for being at the bottom of the social hierarchy.
No one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, To avoid being at the bottom, these types often find someone else to bully, so they don’t think they’re the ones stuck in the basement.
Again, nobody wants to be on the bottom. Everybody wants to be better than somebody. It’s a sad part of human nature.
“Shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.” Therefore, just as people are fighting like the devil to stay on top, others struggle just as hard to keep off the bottom.
Person A at the top bullies Person B, who is second from the top. Person B then bullies Person C, and so on. And down the pecking order, the nastiness rolls until it lands on Person Z at the bottom.
Then, everyone bullies Person Z because Person Z is defenseless! There’s no one for Person Z to bully because he’s the one with the least power of all the others.
Bully-victims:
No one wants to be on the bottom.
Anyone on the bottom is going to catch hell because they’re powerless. And others will do their best to keep the designated bottom-rat at the bottom because no one wants that position.
Therefore, everyone keeps Z down to ensure that none of them ever takes Z’s place.
That’s how it works, folks!
As long as someone else is on the bottom, it keeps you and everyone else safe from being there. It’s why bully-victims get bullied by pure bullies, then go on to select their own victims to degrade and humiliate.
However, most of the time, this doesn’t turn out well. Because sometimes, bully-victims become worse off than pure bullies or pure victims.
I tell you this because I did the same thing. I also became a bully after other bullies had harmed me for so long and stripped me of all my power. And I admit this today with tremendous sadness and remorse. I didn’t like myself very much back then. However, I’m glad that I don’t need to resort to such behavior today.
In Closing:
Remember that, if people bully you, you don’t have to become a bully yourself to survive or reclaim your power. There are better ways to take back control of your life.
I’ve found that the best way to do that is to befriend other victims of bullying and provide the support they need. It may not seem like it, but you aren’t the only one your bullies bully. There are others.
Find out who those people are and become the friend they need. Then, you both win!
This post is all about bully-victims so that you can recognize it in yourself and make the needed changes.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. When the Bullied Become Bullies
2. Bullying Survival Mode: 5 Things Victims of Bullying Do Wrong
