Tag: mental health

mental health

inside the bullied brain

The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

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‘Want to know what happens in the bullied brain? Here are the changes that happen in the brain of a bullied person that you need to know about.

the bullied brain

Prolonged bullying can cause actual changes in the brains of it’s victims. And these changes aren’t good.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullied brain and the exact changes that victims’ brain goes through.

Once you learn all about these negative brain changes, you will be able to better describe how bullying has changed you. Also, you will be more motivated to take the steps needed to protect your mind from vicious bullies.

This post is all about the bullied brain and why it’s important for you not only to protect your your mind from bullying.

The Bullied Brain

Bullying and Changes in the Brain

As we know, bullying can cause victims lots of trauma. However, bystanders also suffer a degree of trauma as well, just by witnessing it.

For now, let’s talk about what bullying does to targets, since it affects them the most.

Any form of psychological trauma, whether it comes from combat, rape, or bullying, changes the physiology of the brain.

Furthermore, it reprograms the brain’s alarm system. It also causes a sharp increase in stress hormones.

Put simpler, it changes the way the brain distinguishes real information from fake information. And lastly it comes more difficult for the brain to tell the difference between information that relevant and that which is irrelevant.

Because of these changes, you become hyper-vigilant. In fact, some victims and survivors become so much so that they cannot function day to day.

Once you’ve suffered enough trauma, you may have difficulty learning from experience. As a result, you may often repeat the same destructive behaviors. This is why others often accuse you of being a “bad” person.

Also, others may label you as lazy, stubborn, immoral, and having bad character.

1. Bullying rewires Your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

You must understand that this is what happens when people bully you for long periods of time.  It will rewire your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

 In other words, you will have difficulty trusting people. You’ll come to only expect hostility from them.

Moreover, people may accuse you of being lazy when you’re only dealing with “learned helplessness.” And learned helplessness is a common result of repeated and prolonged bullying and verbal abuse.

Also, others may accuse you of being defiant and stubborn when you’re actually shutting down.

Moreover, they may also accuse you of hotheadedness or craziness when you’re actually defending yourself. Or, you could be experiencing the release of pinned up rage.

This sudden out-pour of raw emotions often results from being abused, then silenced and punished for speaking out and defending yourself.

2. The bullied brain:

Prolonged and Repeated Bullying and Abuse Causes Learned Helplessness.

If you suffer repeated bullying and abuse, you may have no way of defending yourself. Moreover, certain circumstances may leave you with no way of fleeing and escaping the bullying and toxic environment.

Learned helplessness doesn’t only come from repeated bullying and abuse. It also comes from feelings of entrapment.

In other words, it’s caused from feeling powerless to do anything to better your situation.

For example, if a group of bullies lock the door of the bathroom and surrounds you, they block any escape. They then hold you down as they attack you.

This is likely to cause “learned helplessness.”

Here’s another example. You report the bullying to the school principal or teacher. But instead of helping you, the school staff only blame you and refuse to help.

Then, the next day, the bullies retaliate and beat you to a pulp for snitching. Even worse, this happens several times until you finally give up trying to take care of yourself.

Thus, you develop learned helplessness.

Battered Wife Syndrome: Another example of the Bullied Brain

A battered wife is constantly threatened by her abusive husband. He tells her that, if she leaves, he will take the children from her, or kill her, or worse, kill her entire family.

As a result, she feels trapped in an abusive marriage with no way out. Therefore, she is likely to develop battered wife syndrome, which is another form of learned helplessness.

Understand that it’s not so much the bullying and abuse that causes this condition. There have been many abused and bullied people who have escaped their situations.

They later became highly independent, healthy, and successful people.

What causes learned helplessness is the inability to oppose or escape the abuse. In other words, you develop learned helplessness when bullies and abusers block you from any possible paths of escape.

Why? Because you have no other recourse than to take the abuse quietly just to survive.  That is what causes “learned helplessness.”

This also happens when you have no one to turn to for help. When no one will listen to or believe you, the condition of learned helplessness has a strong chance of developing.

3. You become exhausted and lose the will to fight back.

When people bully you, it can be extremely exhausting. Understand that bullies know this. Therefore, they’ll deliberately wear you down to take the fight out of you. Then, they can take control over your life.

At first, you may defend yourself, fiercely asserting your rights to human dignity, respect and safety. However, most bullies don’t recognize human rights.

 They only see your acts of self-defense and self-protection as a threat to their power. Therefore, they only double down.

In other words, your bullies intensify the hatred and abuse to keep you fighting until they mentally and physically exhaust you.

You finally become so tired that you lose your will to fight back. You then decide that it’s much easier just to give up.

4. The Bullied Brain:

You lose the ability to recognize mistreatment.

When you’re used to being treated well, you can see bullying more clearly. Therefore, you know the difference when it happens.

However, after you endure bullying for so long, the lines get blurred, and you lose the ability to see aggression so clearly. This happens especially if the hostility is subtle.

Finally, you reach a point where you don’t recognize abuse at all!

5. Bullies condition you to accept bad behavior from others.

After bullies have verbally abused you for so long, you begin to believe their words. In other words, bullies have abused you until you finally start to believe that you somehow deserve it.

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly abused you and prevented you from defending yourself.

Put another way, they have drummed into your head that you are worthless. Moreover, they have repeated that lie over and over until you begin to believe it too.

6. The Bullied Brain:

You begin to punish yourself.

You do this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. you may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate you. Moreover, you may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

7. You contemplate suicide.

After bullies have tormented you for so long, the torture can reach a point to where you think of suicide. It’s not that you want to die, per se. However, when people constantly bully you without stopping, you may feel that dying is the only way to make it stop.

The Bullied Brain: Understand that Bullying is One Big PsyOp

Think about it. Governments and their military use psyop operations by starting propaganda campaigns. When bullies employ smear campaigns and verbal abuse against you, it is the equivalent of a government propaganda campaign but on a much smaller scale.

Therefore, understand that propaganda campaigns and smear campaigns are pretty much the same and they both have the same purpose. To demoralize the enemy.

When people bully you, they consider you the enemy and want to demoralize you. Therefore, you must realize that, if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.

The Bullied Brain:

Here’s How Bullies Attempt to demoralize you.

Bullies will tell you things, such as:

  • “You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”
  • “No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”
  • “You can’t fight against us.”
  • “You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”
  • “You’ll never win that contest.”
  • “You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements mean to mentally subdue you. In other words, they force you to give up your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse.

Understand that your bullies must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them. And once they do, you’ll give up on yourself and allow them to just walk all over you.

In Conclusion:

Understand that you must take care of your mental health and self-esteem if you want to avoid these results in the future.

Therefore, make sure you have friends outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to. Also, turn to supportive family members for help.

Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance everything out by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences. You must cultivate these relationships even if they’re outside the bullying environment.

This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

This Post is all about the bullied brain and why you should take steps to protect your mind just as you would your body

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

5. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

bullying support group

Bullying Support: 7 Resources You Can Reach Out to

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Bullying support groups and organizations are life savers for victims of bullying. Therefore, if you or a loved one is suffering from bullying, gaslighting, and abuse, I want you to know that there are people and organizations you can reach out to.

bullying support

When bullies target you at school or in the workplace, a support system can be the difference between suicide and the will to live. I tell you this from experience.

Sadly today, there are people who don’t consider the damage bullying does to victims because most people don’t like to acknowledge it. Many people simply do not want to know that bullying even exists.

Moreover, many victims suffer in silence because they’re either afraid their bullies will retaliate or they’re too ashamed to admit that they’re victims. Another reason is that much of society is still under the misguided belief that bullying is “a right of passage” – a “normal occurrence that all kids go through.”

This is simply not true.

There is nothing normal about it, and no, the majority of kids don’t endure long-term bullying. Only about a third. And even this estimate is probably much higher because much of the bullying people endure goes unreported.

What you will learn:

In this post, you will learn about the bullying support resources available when you have nowhere else to turn.

Once you learn about all these people and groups, you will be better able to get the help you need.

This post is all about the bullying resources available to you so that you can get the help you need to either fight, face, or heal from the bullying. Know that you are not alone and that there are people out there who care.

Bullying Support

Bullying destroys the lives of millions worldwide every year. Moreover, those who haven’t experienced it still hold the belief that bullying is just a normal part of life. Regardless of what they think, bullying is one of the biggest morale killers.

Therefore, you may think that speaking up about it is out of the question.

Truth be known, you’re more than likely afraid that if you do speak up, others will shame you for it. They may tell you to toughen up. And maybe they did when you tried to tell them what was happening to you.

So, you toughened up. You started fighting back and defending yourself, only for others to blame you, accusing you of being the perpetrator.

As a result, the school principal suspended or expelled you. Or, maybe your were a bullied adult in the workplace and your supervisor fired you because you stood up to the bully.

In a nutshell, there still isn’t enough support for victims of bullying even today. How many child,  teen, and adult suicides could we prevent if we simply put the word out that help is available

Moreover, how many could we’ve prevented decades ago. Unfortunately, that’s an answer we’ll never know because those victims aren’t alive to tell their stories today.

I can only speculate that it was more than likely well over half of all suicides and I’m confident in that guess.

Therefore, if you’re a parent or guardian, listen to your child and take steps to support and protect your son, daughter, or grandchild.

If you’re a teacher and a child or teen comes to you and opens up about the bullying they suffer, please do not trivialize their pain nor rebuff them. Reach out to them and give them a listening ear.

Let this precious human being know that you’re there for them.

If you’re a supervisor or manager, please, listen for the sake of not only the target, but for that of your company. Companies lose millions per year as a result of workplace bullying. Therefore, it’s much more profitable to do the right thing than it is to ignore it or to blame the target.

1. Bullying Support Groups and Therapists

There are millions of support groups of other bullying victims and survivors. Many of the leaders of these groups have also endured bullying. Therefore, do research and see if there is one in your area. These groups are so beneficial because you’ll be together with people who’ve had the same experiences.

Moreover, you will be in a safe place to talk about what’s happening to you and get everything off your chest. The best part is that the members of the other group will listen and they will offer moral support. You will be among friends.

Moreover, a therapist will be able to help you. They can be a good source for counseling to repair your self-esteem and overall mental health.

They can also give you tips on how to handle a bully.

2. Martial Arts Schools

Martial Arts school are great because, not only do they teach you how to defend yourself, they also teach you how to think on your feet. Moreover, many MA schools have classes on how to deal with bullies.

The best part is that martial arts also teaches you to have confidence and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Therefore, if it’s feasible for you, think about joining a martial arts class.

Note: Just don’t tell anyone that you’re taking martial arts. You definitely don’t want your bullies to find this out until it’s time. Also, never use your training on a bully until you are completely confident in your MA abilities.

3. Bullying support for Parents

There are also many groups who support parents of bullied schoolchildren. Again, do research, ask around, see if your area has one. These groups not only offer support, they will also teach you how to be there for your child and how to talk to them.

4. trusted Family and friends

Trusted family and friends are also great avenues of support. Moreover, if you know they will listen with love, open up to them and tell them what you’re going through.

This often works when you don’t have the funds for therapy or group sessions.

5. trusted teachers

Notice I said, trusted teachers. Sadly, not all teachers are sympathetic to bullied students. In fact, I’m willing to say that the majority of them aren’t.

However, there are a few who are especially understanding. They’re the teachers that you don’t meet but maybe 1 to 3 times during your school career. Therefore, if you have a trusted teacher that you absolutely love, don’t be afraid to confide in them.

I speak from experience because I had a few teachers I could talk to when I was being bullied. And, let me tell you! They made a huge difference in my life! They are the teachers, I’ll always remember with love!

6. workplace bullying support groups

Yes, there are support groups for bullied adults in the workplace. Also, if you need to see a therapist, they’re also a great resource for support. In many cases, therapists have made all the difference in the lives of many victims.

Therefore, don’t be too ashamed to see one. Remember that it doesn’t mean that you’re coming unglued. Although there is a lot of unfair stigma around seeing a counselor, you shouldn’t concern yourself with what others think.

This is all a part of self-care. Not only should you take care of your body, you should take care of your psychological and emotional well-being as well.

7. anti-bullying attorneys

There are many lawyers who specialize in anti-bullying law. These litigators represent bullied children and their families against schools who fail to protect them against bullies. Moreover, they also represent adults who have had their lives ruined because of workplace bullies.

They file lawsuits against schools, school systems, and companies for any damages done to victims, from lost wages, to medical costs resulting from bullying. They will even help you to recoup any psychological costs and file for punitive damages from schools, companies, and bullies themselves.

Therefore, if you’ve suffer psychological trauma from bullying, don’t hesitate to consult one of these attorneys. Most of them offer a free consultation and they can tell you if you have a case.

Also, some of them will probably be pro-bono attorneys. In other words, you don’t pay fees to them unless they win your case or you get a settlement. Put simpler, if you get nothing, they get nothing.

In Conclusion

Any time people are bullying you every day, for everything, you need all the support you can get. Why? Because bullies are experts at manipulating social hierarchies and turning other people against you. And they do this specifically to whittle down any support you may get.

And why do they prevent anyone from supporting you? Because any support you get is a threat to your bullies’ power over you. Therefore, this is why most bullies are hellbent on turning others against their victims and isolating them.

This is why support groups, therapists, and attorneys who specialize in bullying are popping up all over the country. There is a need for bullying-support and it’s finally available as it should have been years ago.

Therefore, take advantage of these support systems. You’ll be glad you did.

This post was all about the bullying support resources that are available to victims and why you should consider reaching out to them for help.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

2. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Confidence vs Arrogance

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‘Want to know the difference between confidence vs arrogance? Here are the differences you need to know about, especially if you’re a victim of bullying and abuse.

confidence vs arrogance

Many people get the two confused. Why? Because others conditioned them to believe that even the smallest shred of confidence is arrogance and that it’s bad.

Sadly, bullies and abusers condition victims that confidence is negative. Also, you can be misguided in thinking such by people who are well-meaning but don’t know better.

Why? Because they were also taught such things. Others conditioned them to believe that confidence, self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion were arrogance. Then, they passed it onto you.

Moreover, they were taught that they were bad people for having those treasures. Also, the abusers in their lives manipulated them into believing that they never deserved to have those traits.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference between confidence and arrogance so that you understand the differences.

Once you learn how the two differ, you will have an understanding of the distinctions. Also, you’ll be better able to resist being brainwashed when bullies attack your confidence and try to convince you that it’s bad.

This post is all about confidence vs arrogance so that you can hold on to your confidence when bullies try to attack you for it.

Confidence vs Arrogance

So, what’s the difference?

1. Confidence is healthy.

It’s never shy nor boastful. It’s that happy and healthy middle between low self-esteem and smugness.

Therefore, when a person is confident, they don’t have to trumpet their own importance and they don’t have to show off. Confidence isn’t loud or obnoxious, it’s quiet.

A confident person doesn’t boast or brag because they don’t have to. They know their value and all the good they bring to this world. They already know their own importance. Confidence is seen and not heard because it’s there.

Confident people believe they’re equal to everyone else. They believe they’re no better than anyone but just as good.

Therefore, they are kind to others and allow them to be themselves and do their own thing. However, a confident person is also assertive. They aren’t afraid to set firm boundaries and lay down the law if another person sticks so much as a toe over their boundaries.

A confident person, doesn’t let his confidence effect the way he treats people.

Why? Because he believes that everyone has a right to respect and dignity.

I want you to know that it’s okay to be confident and to be comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, it’s okay to have respect for yourself and to love yourself.

And thirdly, it’s okay to indulge in self-care and to tell some creep to go to hell if they get abusive with you. So, be confident!

Know that you can have confidence without being a pompous stuffed shirt. Know your worth and that you deserve to be treated well and with love and respect.

2. Confidence vs Arrogance:

Arrogance is unhealthy

In fact, it’s toxic! Arrogance is extreme.

In other words, it’s loud and obnoxious. When a person is arrogant, they’re full of themselves. An arrogant person makes sure that everyone around them knows how important they are because they feel they must announce it to the world.

Arrogance is like a peacock; it shows all it’s pretty colors and expects people to notice and give it recognition. However, it’s boastful because it’s insecure, and craves attention, admiration, and adoration.

An arrogant person believes he’s superior.

They treat people they deem inferior like dirt. Moreover, they’ll go out of their way to bully them and let them know who’s boss.

An arrogant person either doesn’t recognize boundaries, or he resents them. In other words, he believes that he should have carte blanche to violate another person’s boundaries.

Also, he gets highly pissed if the person he bullies has the gall to stand up to him.

Therefore, an arrogant person is a self-entitled, egotistical, self-satisfied turd who uses his attractive qualities to compensate for insecurity, cowardice, and weakness.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Regardless of what others have taught you, there’s a difference.

If other people have taught you the confidence is conceit, understand that they fed you nothing but lies. Confidence, basic self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion are not arrogant. Moreover, they aren’t selfish.

What they are is essential– essential for good mental health and a good life. They’re crucial for happiness and fulfillment

Realize that when someone attacks your confidence by accusing you of being arrogant or self-centered, it’s not about you. It’s really about them and always has been.

Why? Because they only do it to keep you down by making you feel less than them.

They do it because, deep down, they feel small. So, they feel they must push you down into the pits of low self-esteem so they can feel superior. Therefore, these people, who are really bullies, believe they must break your spirit to uplift theirs.

Oh, but wait! Here’s something else to think about here: maybe bullies and abusers drum this garbage into your head because they’re afraid. That’s right!

Could it be that bullies and abusers attack your confidence out of fear?

They’re frightened that if you manage to attain that precious confidence that you were born with, then you just might grow a pair of coconuts! In other words, you’re more likely to develop the spinal column to tell them where they can stick it and drop them like a bad habit!

Realize that this is about power. Moreover, it’s about making sure they keep you in your place, so they don’t risk losing their power over you.

Confidence vs Arrogance Or Confidence vs Egotism

Arrogance and egotism are close cousins. The confusion between confidence and egotism is also quite common. However, there are ways to distinguish between confidence and egotism.

Before I go further, let me start by saying that we all have egos. However, the trick is in how we handle them.

Here are the differences between confidence and egotism.

  • Confidence is quiet. Egotism, like arrogance, is loud and boastful.
  • The former doesn’t have to boast because it already knows its value. The latter, on the other hand, must constantly remind others of its value.
  • Confidence is teachable. Whereas, egotism is not. It kills the capacity to learn because it thinks it already knows everything there is to know.
  • Confidence leads to growth. Egotism can only lead to stagnation and eventual destruction.

Two Opposites

Princess Diana, during her latter years, was the perfect example of confidence. Once she saw her worth, she traveled the world, helping the less fortunate.

On the other hand, Hitler was an example of egotism. His overinflated ego led to the destruction and loss of millions of innocent lives. His overstuffed ego produced intense hatred for all Jews and anyone else he saw as his enemy.

As we know, bullies aren’t confident, they’re egotistical. Again, we all have egos. However, not all of us have egotism. Therefore, egotism is bad because it often stems from negative feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, and fear.

Moreover, it’s the reason bullies often target those based on their weaknesses, the lower role they play and their stations in life.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Promotes Equality while Egotism Promotes Division

Confident people treat the janitor or the security guard with the same respect they would give the company president or the CEO. In contrast, egotistical bullies only will only mistreat the janitor and security guard while sucking up to the president and the CEO.

A confident person gives kindness and respect to those who can do nothing for him. In other words, he treats everyone equally regardless of difference or position. Ego-driven bullies only abuse those who can’t benefit them somehow.

Those who are confident have selfless motives and doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re a decent and moral person.

However, those who are ego-driven bullies are self-serving. With these types of personalities, it’s all about fame and name.

Putting ego aside means respecting those whom society deems beneath you and giving them the same human value. It means making an effort to understand those who are different from you and doing your best to help them as you would those most like you.

Egotism is when ego overrides humanity and places it in grave danger, whereas, confidence helps and saves it.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Saves Humanity, Egotism Destroys it.

Sadly, I’ve worked with people who were great people to get along with. But once they got that coveted promotion, they became people I no longer recognized.

Bullies often spend money beyond their means to buy expensive clothes and cars, trying to look like they’re better off than everyone else. However, this is a sure hallmark of egotism.

Unfortunately, many bullies get deep in debt and sometimes resort to thievery to get out of it. As a result, they end up in legal trouble, which is an example of the self-destruction that egotism can bring.

Therefore, be aware of these signs in other people. And be confident, but know where the line between confidence and egotism lies.

“Who do you think you are!”

Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why?

Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.

Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy. Therefore, there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness.

Understand that environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.

Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.

Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Arrogance and egotism will try to tear down confidence.

I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence. Moreover, this was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild after having been severely bullied.

You could see it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits! Their brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on  anyone else’s face.

Can you imagine what they were thinking? You can just hear it.

“The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!”

You probably hear the remarks too.

“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”

“He’s an arrogant jerk!”

“She’s so uppity!”

“He loves himself too much!”

“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”

I could go on and on.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Your confidence will offend some.

Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish.” Also, some will tell you that you need to climb down off your high horse.

Maybe they say that you’ve gotten too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having confidence in yourself is something to be ashamed of.

You can practically hear your bullies shout in the style of Greta Thunberg, ”How dehhhhh you!”

Bullies tend to think that if you have pride in yourself, you’re sanctimonious. However, it’s okay for them to have it.

In their minds, confidence and pride should be reserved only for them and people like them. But woe unto you if you have even an ounce of self-value and to believe in yourself.

Therefore, continue to have confidence! There’s nothing wrong with it! Moreover, do whatever you must do to maintain it! Confidence is something you must guard with your life!

This post is all about the difference between confidence vs arrogance so that you can have the knowledge to rebuff any bullies who try to gaslight you into believing that being confident is wrong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

unhealthy ways to deal with bullying in the community

Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

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Do you want to know unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you’ll know the exact behaviors to avoid? Here are things you shouldn’t do when being bullied so that you can overcome and emerge a winner!

unhealthy ways to deal with bullying

To know what to do in a case of bullying sometimes means knowing first what not to do. Here are the no-no’s when people bully you.

In this post, you will learn what not to do when bullies victimize you, so that you’ll handle their abuse more effectively.

Once you learn all about these faux pas, you will make yourself less a victim and emerge a victor!

This post is all about the 7 most unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you come come out on the other side of it much happier and healthier.

Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying

Bullying throws you into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, you’ll often find other ways of coping.

Nevertheless, some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime you’re stuck in a toxic environment, you may become desperate and do things you usually don’t do to either escape or for relief.

1. Don’t instigate fights between others to take the bad attention off you.

I say this because I did that.

Some victims of bullying will pit a few classmates against each other. If they know of a few who dislike or hate each other, they very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.

An offhand comment here, another there, and they’ll have them fighting among themselves. Although it’s a shady thing to do, some victims try to keep others fighting among themselves.

But, why do they do this?

a. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: Reasons some victims instigate fights between others.

To distract the negative attention and hostility away from themselves

Although I don’t condone it, I do understand why some victims may do this. When you’re severely and chronically bullied, you become desperate to make it stop.

In other words, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, you may feel that,“ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.

So, you handle it the wrong way by keeping others too busy fighting each other to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone, all you want is to avoid the negative spotlight and keep yourself safe!

If you know of a few of your bullies who hate each other as much as they hate you, then perfect! You stoke the fires a little, and take advantage of it!

You very stealthily stir the pot between them because, as mentioned earlier, if you can keep them busy fighting each other, they’ll leave you alone. And let me tell you! It does work wonders!

But, heed this warning. This may keep people’s eyes off you for a little while. However, if someone happens to catch onto what you’re doing, the bullying you suffer will only skyrocket.

Moreover, you’ll be seen as a troublemaker. Now wouldn’t your bullies just love that!

They want to see someone else take heat for a change.

Why? Because it keeps them from feeling like they’re the only one being picked on. Therefore, this is more of a psychological payoff then anything else.

However, this isn’t the way to handle it.

c. Because they’re jealous of other people’s friendships and relationships.

Victims of bullying don’t only have to endure bullying and abuse. They also must sit on the sidelines and watch as other person enjoy all those social benefits of life.

Therefore, you’ll be tempted to cause friction in their relationships. Again, don’t! Because once they find out you pitted them against each other, they’ll only realign. And this time they’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth!

In other words, you’ll only make the bullying ten times worse!

I can’t stress this enough, don’t do it!

2. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Bully people weaker than you.

But why?

It’s because you feel powerless. Therefore, you become a bully yourself to feel more powerful. But understand that, although this may be the reason, it’s never an excuse.

Moreover, know that, if this is not something you normally do, you will be remorseful for it one day. Moreover, you will feel the need to apologize to those you hurt.

And, you know what? You absolutely should!

It’s much better to align with the people who are weaker than you and become a friend to them. Never bully anyone because you’re being bullied. The last thing you should do is take your pain out on someone you deem lesser than you.

It only makes you just as lowdown as your bullies. Moreover, you’ll miss out on opportunities for friendship because the person you bully is likely targeted by the same people who bully you.

Therefore, wouldn’t it be better (and smarter) to take advantage of the common ground you share with this person and befriend them?

I guarantee that becoming a friend would be a win-win situation for you both!

3. You feign illness to keep from going to school or work.

Why? Because you know that once you walk through the entrance, bullies will be waiting to pounce. This is understandable. All you want is for the abuse to stop.

Therefore, you find excuses to stay home, where you can be safe. However, this only causes bad grades and poor work performance. Moreover, it can cause the school to charge you with truancy or to expel you.

If it’s a job, your manager can terminate you. Therefore, the best way to handle it is to find a way to transfer to a new school or begin looking for a new job.

Whatever the case, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment.

4. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You resort to deception, con games, and trickery.

Many victims become master manipulators.

For example, a bullied girl in middle or high school may fake being pregnant to trick her classmates into leaving her alone. Also, she may do this in hopes of keeping others from physically attacking her.

Or, she may dress in bigger clothes to make her classmates wonder if she’s expecting. Therefore, she may not actually come out and lie about it. Girls are subtle like that.

The bullied girl may letting their curiosity build and cause them to continue asking if she’s pregnant. Then, after a while, she may use sarcasm and tell them she is. Moreover, she’ll do it knowing good and well that her classmates will take it and run with it.

So, the classmates will blab to everyone that the bullied girl is pregnant. It’ll work for a while and the joke will be on them.

Also, the girl knows that if her classmates find out she isn’t pregnant and try to call her on it, she can turn it back on them by saying,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so dimwitted that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

However, this will backfire on her. Her classmates, especially, those who bully her, will be furious because they’ll know she tricked them.

Therefore, the bullying will increase exponentially.

5. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Self-Harm.

Self-harm can be fatal. Many victims of bullying have died due to self-harm. Some of the deaths are intentional and others unintentional. Still, if nothing else, you must know this.

Your bullies are NOT worth dying over. You must realize that you’re only giving your bullies exactly what they want. Bullies either consciously or subconsciously, wish to kill you.

Only most bullies don’t have the guts to commit murder because they know they’d land in prison. Therefore, they hope like the dickens that you do it for them. Yes. I said that.

Why do you think bullies tell their victims to kill themselves or that they’re better off dead? Understand that bullies want to harm you. So, don’t do it for them.

Suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Know that you won’t always be a target of bullying and what you’re enduring is only one chapter, not the entire book.

Please, love yourself enough to keep living. Know your worth. And know that your life matters and you have value.

6. You Get Emotional.

Remember that bullies always look for a reaction and enjoy seeing your pain. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Otherwise, they’ll keep coming back for more of that psychological payoff!

I understand that it hurts when people abuse you and I know the hopelessness it can bring. My heart goes out to you.

However, learn to see behind their behavior. In other words, learn the reasons bullies bully. I guarantee that you’ll feel so much better  when you do.

Also, their bad treatment won’t effect you as much once you learn where their meanness comes from.

7. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You self-Medicate.

Drugs aren’t the answer either. The only thing it will do is ruin your health. Please love yourself enough to take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got and your bullies aren’t worth you getting sick.

8. You apologize too much.

When bullies target you, it’s easy to get into the habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

However, you must realize that a bully will take even a heartfelt apology and use it as a weapon!

Furthermore, your bullies will see it as confirmation that they’re right. Moreover, they’ll also see it as an admission that you are what they say you are, be it ignorant, clumsy, mentally imbalanced, whatever.

In short, any apology or admission serves bullies’ goals to re-enforce control over you.

In other words, to a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only reeks of surrender. Therefore, stop apologizing to them. They don’t deserve it.

Instead, find more powerful responses to use in place of an apology.

9. You Seek approval.

Hear this. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, especially the approval of bullies. The only approval that’s worth having is that of the people who love you for you and uplift you.

Therefore, don’t do anything to seek approval from people who don’t matter.

10. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You seek Attention.

The same goes for attention. You don’t need attention from these kinds of people. The only kind of attention you should have is that from people who love you and want what’s best for you.

Moreover, you don’t have to try so hard to get it from those who care the most about you. From them, it comes to you naturally.

Therefore, stop jumping through hoops for people who aren’t even worth your consideration. You’re better than that.

11. You Stay Silent Instead of Reporting it or talking about it

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember that bullying, as with any other form of abuse, thrives on you’re staying quiet.

Understand that you have a right to report it and you have a right to ask someone to help you. Moreover, you have a right to talk about it and tell your story.

If people are bullying you, don’t be quiet about it. Speak out!

This post lists the unhealthy ways of dealing with bullying so that you know what behaviors to avoid and seek better coping strategies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

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It’s important that you never chase people who don’t see your worth. Would you like to know why? Here are the reasons never to try winning over those who don’t appreciate you and don’t want to be won over.

never chase people who don't see your worth

Many bullying victims are so anxious to make friends that they don’t set boundaries as to the way people should treat them. Therefore, as long as they don’t have to be by themselves, they overlook the shoddy ways their so-called friends treat them.

And once these fake friends are ready to discard them, these victims only beg them to stay friends with them or chase after them because they’re afraid of not having anyone at all.

Therefore, you will learn the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth.

Once you learn these reasons and that they’re good reasons, you will never again want to reduce yourself to chasing anyone who doesn’t value you.

This post is all about why you must never chase people who don’t see your worth. Also, it’s about what happens if you do and how you can easily let them go.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably fear being by yourself. Moreover, you chase friendships that aren’t true and get hurt many times over.

Why? Because it turns out that your pals are only tolerating you. And by the time you realize those people aren’t good for you, they’ve hurt, used, and humiliated you enough times that your self-esteem is damaged.

Here’s my advice to you if you feel lonely and desperate for friends:

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth! It is beneath you, and those who do not value you do not deserve the privilege of being in your life. Therefore, you need to cleanse your life of these toxic people.

I realize that if you are a target of bullying, your friendship options are minimal. Moreover, I know all too well of the humiliation of sitting alone at the lunch table at work or school.

It’s no fun watching everyone else getting to enjoy having friends around them while you’re isolated. Believe me, I get that.

However, if the options you do have are friends who only tolerate you. If they turn hot and cold, exclude you, or talk behind your back, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?

There is a difference between someone who genuinely likes you and someone who is only tolerating you. Moreover, you always know when someone is only tolerating you because of how you feel when the person is around.

You can feel it in your gut. Something is off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Also, you can hear the shortness and coldness in the tone of your so-called friend’s voices. You can see it in the way that they look at you (or refuse to look at you).

Your spidey senses are ringing because you can feel the cold vibes that they put out. There is nothing worse than realizing that someone you think highly of thinks very little of you.

It is the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling in the world. It is the equivalent of being kicked in the stomach!

However, I want you to know that you do not have to be around such poisonous people. Anyone who makes you feel uneasy does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, good-looking, popular, successful, cool, tough, or whatever.

If they make you feel bad about yourself, ditch them! Weed. Then. OUT! They are not worthy of being in your company. You are better off without them. Understand that this may mean staying to yourself for a time.

No one wants to be a loner. I understand it, and I sympathize with you. However, I believe that it’s much better to be alone than to crawl up behind anyone who does not see your value.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

You must gather the courage to walk away from such people.

It won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. It takes courage to walk away from a person or people who take you for granted, especially when options for human connections are so few.

And I won’t lie to you, you may be by yourself for a while. It may get lonely, even sad, and depressing at times. However, if you stay strong and true to your own heart, you’ll only increase your value.

Believe that you deserve so much better!

This is where setting boundaries comes in.

The reason people walk over you is because you don’t set boundaries. However, if you lack boundaries, you only invite a lack of respect from others. And, believe me, people notice when you don’t have boundaries.

They’ll look at you and laugh, telling others that you’re a wimp, pushover, or a doormat, and that’s putting it mildly. Most will use more colorful language to describe your lack of a backbone.

Therefore, get some! It’s the only way you’ll stand up to bullies and ditch fake friends. Know that setting boundaries isn’t wrong. It’s all a part of self-care.

Understand that anyone who doesn’t see your worth isn’t worth your time nor consideration. So, don’t be afraid to eight-six the creeps. Know that you can do bad by yourself! And you’re better off that way, alone, rather than keeping company with a bunch of lowlife pieces of shit.

Here’s Why You Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

1. You’ll only reduce your value.

In other words, you only cheapen yourself. Moreover, others will look at you and only see “pathetic” written all over you. You’ll constantly seek approval and put on fronts just to be accepted.

However, when you do these self-depreciating things, you only get the opposite of what you want. Therefore, show yourself some respect and ditch anyone who doesn’t give you the love and respect you deserve.

Once you start standing up for yourself, you’ll increase your value and others just might treat you better. And, if they don’t, they have no business being in your life.

2. Moreover, it could to an imbalance of power in relationships. This can perpetuate bullying.

Friendship isn’t supposed to hurt. In other words, real friends love you for you and you’re always on equal footing with them. There’s no imbalance of power because there’s mutual respect and love.

However, when you hang on to friends who only tolerate you, use you, and treat you like the last option, you only settle for friendships that are painful. Moreover, you surrender your power and give them the upper hand!

And once the other person has more power than you, the threat of bullying is there. And don’t think they won’t take advantage of it.

In fact, they may bully you just to make you go away. Therefore, place value on yourself and have nothing to do with those who don’t give you the respect you deserve.

Remember that if you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away, no one else will respect you either. It starts with you. Therefore, give yourself respect and watch others slowly begin to respect you.

3. Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

You’ll attract bullies and human predators.

When you chase people who don’t value you, you allow them to treat you like yesterday’s garbage. Human predators notice this right away. They notice your desperation. Therefore, they see you as a walking, talking opportunity.

And they’ll latch onto you just for the chance to take advantage of you or even hurt you. Therefore, treat yourself well by getting rid of those who only shit all over you.

If you get rid of people who only tolerate you and endure being alone for a while, life will reward you with true friends who genuinely care for you.

It may take a while. However, if you have the courage to walk away from fake people, life will eventually reward you for your courage. Moreover, it will do so by placing better and more loving people in your path.

You will eventually meet people who genuinely love you and have your best interests at heart.

Moreover, you’ll have better friends- friends who want to spend time with you, who want to invite you to parties and other events, and who will be there for you when the chips are down. You will have friends who are tried and true.

Be patient. Your time is coming!

This post is about the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth. It’s purpose is to prompt you to raise your own value by getting rid of those who don’t value you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

4. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

how to build self-confidence and self-esteem in teenagers

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

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‘Want to know how to build self-confidence and self-esteem? Here are the exact steps to more confidence and better self-esteem, which leads to better overall  mental health.

how to build self-confidence and self-esteem

You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Why? Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can feel better about yourself, stand up to bullies, and go after what you want in life.

Once you learn this important and life-changing information, you will be compelled to do what you must do to raise not only your confidence and self-esteem, but your overall happiness!

This post is all about how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can change your life for the better!

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

When you’re always unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that you won’t perform as well at school or work. Moreover, you’re likely to have strained relationships.

High self-esteem and confidence levels equal great performance and rewarding relationships, which equals success. Therefore, all this combined equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

Why? Because it reinforces more confidence!

A winning attitude is key to having success in any area of life. Also, you’ll have faith in yourself, which will get you through tough times.

One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self esteem. Therefore, you must turn this “stinkin thinkin” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness.

Only then will you be amazed as you watch every area in your life take a turn for the better. And it will happen like magic!

Once you Build it, you must maintain it.

However, once you build your self-esteem and confidence, you must maintain them. Moreover, they will still be times when you will fail. However, remember this.

Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over your errors, look for the lessons that they mean to teach you.

Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you allow them to. Moreover, understand that is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by bullies.

Know that there will be others who hurl jabs and insults your way. Moreover, some people just won’t believe you can be successful. However, don’t put too much stock into their opinions.

Instead, hold on to your confidence and self-belief even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen and people will hurt you. It’s just a part of life.

To feel hurt, anger, or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. Also, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Things will happen and throw you off kilter.

However, the difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and will be less likely to dwell in negativity.

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:

If you have a negative mindset, you’ll need to reprogram your thinking.

For instance, if people bully you at school or at work, you’re more likely to feel insecure and have a horribly negative outlook. Therefore, it will take a lot of reprogramming in order to take back your confidence.

Moreover, it will be the hardest thing you may ever do in your life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself.

However, changing your thought patterns once others have conditioned you to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish. And it won’t happen overnight.

Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in your outlook. Also, the circumstances that come into your life will change for the better.

You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Therefore, always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

How to build self-confidence and self-esteem:

Here’s how it works.

Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. Therefore, by sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return.

In other words, if you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. On the other hand, if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given.

So keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude.  Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!

Here are the steps you can take to change your way of thinking.

1. Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, turn it into a positive thought.

For instance, you have a test or an interview coming soon and, in your mind, you ask yourself, “What if I fail?” or “What if I don’t make it?”

Immediately catch yourself. Then, turn that thought into a positive one by asking yourself, “What if I pass?” “What if I succeed?” or “What if I do make it?”

Or, if you find yourself thinking, “What if things go wrong?” Immediately turn it around and ask, “What if things go right?”

Also, if you catch yourself thinking that you’re a loser. Tell yourself, “No. I’m a winner.”

Continue doing this until thinking positive becomes like second nature!

2. How to build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:

Maximize your chance opportunities.

If you’re talented in writing and you find that there’s a writing contest enter the contest. In other words, instead of letting this opportunity pass you by because you’re too afraid that you’ll lose, face your fears and enter the contest anyway.

And you never can tell. You just might win that contest! The point I’m making here is to try! Because if you don’t try, you don’t know. Put another way, if you try, you at least have a good chance of winning. However, if you don’t, there’s no chance of it.

Therefore, taking risks is crucial if you want positive change in your life.

3. Get out of your comfort zone.

This brings us back to what we mentioned in the last section, taking risks. Confident people with high self-esteem take risks. Therefore, because they take risks, they score many successes.

This isn’t to say that you’ll succeed every time, because you won’t. Even confident people fail. However, they don’t let failure stop them.

The confident do not give up. Instead, they move on to the next chance opportunity and they keep trying until they reach success!

Remember the line in Rocky Balboa, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.”

In other words, confident people get hit all the time, but they keep moving forward. They keep taking risks and they don’t stop until they get to where they want to be. And that’s how they win! So, don’t be afraid to take risks!

4. How to Build Self-confidence and Self-esteem:

Don’t Compare yourself to others.

Self-comparison is the killer of confidence and self-esteem. Therefore, stop comparing yourself to other people. Moreover, realize that we are all different and we’re each made to do different things and have diverse experiences.

Embrace the fact that each person has a different mix of talents. Some have more gifts, some have less. However, it doesn’t meant that those with less are less capable of success.

5. Turn negative self-talk into positive and loving words to yourself.

In other words, talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Instead of putting yourself down, begin building yourself up.

Giving yourself love and acceptance and know that you deserve it. Encourage yourself to keep going when things get tough. Give yourself the love you would give to your family and best friends.

6. Set goals and work hard to achieve them.

Set goals and go after them. Work hard and don’t quit until you achieve those goals. Moreover, never let bullies and jealous people discourage you.

Why? Because if word gets out that you’re working on a goal, there will be those who will do everything possible to discourage you. And this goes especially if you’re a target of bullying. Therefore, keep striving and don’t stop until you reach the finish line.

No matter what!

This post is all about how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can achieve better mental health and better life results.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think 

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence 

4. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

5. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

bullying on social media articles

Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

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‘Want to know exactly why people participate in bullying on social media? Here are the 5 most common motives.

bullying on social media

Bullying on social media can be more humiliating and more devastating victims than face-to-face bullying. Why? Because the cruel taunts and attacks can be ready by a much wider audience. Moreover, vicious lies and ugly rumors have a much farther reach than in the days before the internet.

In this post, you will learn the most common reasons people use social media to bully. In other words, you’ll learn the goals of this type of bullying.

Once you learn all about these objectives, you will be better able to call it out. Also, you’ll have the ability to explain it to police, attorneys, the court, and therapists in a clearer, more intelligible manner without the risk of rambling and having to pause mid-sentence to search for the words to describe what you’re enduring.

This post is all about social media bullying, why people do it, and what they hope to rain so that you can have a better understanding of it all and quickly call it out.

Bullying on Social Media

This type of cyber-bullying is difficult for anyone. However, it’s especially damaging for children and teenagers, whose brains are still developing.

Sadly, many in this age group rely on likes, positive comments, praises, and high friend/follower counts to maintain their self-esteem. It shouldn’t be this way. No one should rely on social media to feel validated.

We live in the age of electronic baby sitters and internet addiction. Moreover, we have a generation of children and young adults who rely more on online communication than on face-to-face interactions.

This, in and of itself is a huge problem. However, it’s the reality of the times we live in.

Also, if you’re an adult who owns a business, especially a small business, this type of bullying can decimate your entire livelihood.

Therefor, the main reason people bully you on social media is to destroy your online and real-life reputation. This is the main goal of all cyber-bullies.

Effects of Bullying on Social Media

Marriage and Family:

Many people will use social media to destroy your marriage and cause discord in your family.

Causes many divorces and rifts in families. Cyber-bullies have been known to spread lies of infidelity to destroy their target’s marriage and cause problems in their families. Moreover, online harassers have also stalked their victims’ children and other family members.

People are sick these days. Therefore, you must gather evidence of it and report it to the police. Although there’s only so much the law can do, by reporting it, at least you’ll establish a paper trail.

Job and Career:

Many use social media bullying to destroy your job and career.

Can cause termination of employment from current job. Moreover, it can bring about loss of opportunities for future employment.

Cyber-bullies love to call their targets’ places of employment and get them terminated. Also, they love to blackball them to keep them from obtaining future employment.

You should never take this type of bullying lightly. Do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. Now’s not the time to be lazy.

Bullying on social media can destroy your finances:

This kind of bullying causes loss of income due to firing and lack of future employment opportunities. Therefore, it can also cause victims to lose their homes, vehicles, entire life savings, etc.

Therefore, if you have evidence of this kind of cyber-bullying and can ID the troll, talk to an attorney. You might be able to sue for damages.

Business:

Loss of customers and therefore, revenue. Cyber-trolls love to destroy businesses. Therefore, realize that it’s about power.

Again, if you have evidence and identification of the cyber-bully. Consult a lawyer and take it to court.

Health:

The stress from bullying on social media can cause not only mental health issues, but also physical ailments as well. Victims can also become disabled and unable to work because of the distress brought about by this type of online bullying.

Examples:

Examples of social media bullying include:

1. Spreading ugly rumors and lies about someone.

Cyber-bullies do this in hopes of defaming you and turning your friends and followers against you. Moreover, if you own a small company, they’ll do it to put a dent in profits and destroy your business and livelihood.

This type of bullying has caused many innocent people to lose their hard-earned reputations and, therefore, their businesses.

Additionally, cyber-bullies have ruined victim’s marriages by spreading lies and accusations of infidelity. In that, they caused division in families.

In short, many innocent targets have had their entire lives ruined due to cyber-bullies. Many more have died by suicide or have been murdered because of the vicious lies and cruelty of online trolls.

2. Bullying on Social Media:

Posting porn or compromising photos of someone

Online bullies do this to embarrass and humiliate their victims. Moreover, they also do it to make them look bad and sully their good name.

For example, classmates may sneak into the gym shower room and secretly take nude pictures of a targeted girl while she’s in the shower. They do this without her knowledge.

Later, they’ll post the pictures online for all to see.

Consequently, not only does this humiliate her, but it puts her in danger of being stalked and possibly raped by predators in the area.

Here’s another example: You have a lover who talks you into sending them nude pics of you and, without thinking, you comply. After all, you’re only thinking it would enhance your relationship. Right?

However, what happens a few months later, when the relationship ends and you part on bad terms? Remember, your ex still has all those nudie pics and beaver shots you sent six months ago. Moreover, your now ex-lover posts them online to get back at you for breaking it off with them.

Therefore, never EVER send a romantic partner nude pics of yourself. It doesn’t matter how much they beg and say they love you and would never this or that. Don’t do it! It just isn’t worth the risk!

3. Impersonating someone ad sending cruel messages to others in that person’s name.

Cyber-bullies do this to cause trouble in all your online relationships. In fact, this is a form of relational or social aggression because it’s specifically designed to destroy your relationships and to isolate you.

Therefore, if you endure bullying on social media, keep an eye out for any duplicate accounts with your name and claiming to be you. If you find some, send a disclaimer to all your friends/followers, warning them of the duplicates and to not accept friend/follow requests from them.

Moreover, taking screenshots is super important! So, gather your own evidence!

4. Bullying on Social Media:

Sending Cruel, threatening, or abusive messages/images through private message platforms, text, email, etc.

This tactic is designed to intimidate you and instill fear. Moreover, these bullies choose messaging platforms for secrecy and to keep others from seeing what lowlifes they truly are.

Therefore, take screenshots! Always, take screenshots when a cyber-bully attacks you via messaging. Then out them with it. It’s what I did when it happened to me and it worked. They left me alone.

5. Doxxing.

Doxxing is the most dangerous kind of cyber-bullying there is. What is it? You may ask.

When a cyber-bully doxxes you, they collect personal information on you and plaster it all over the internet. Moreover, the information they gather is your home address, phone number, email, and the names and addresses of your family members, friends, and associates.

Doxxers can even get your SS number and banking information to steal your identity.

Also, they also find the name, address and phone number of your employer and any organization you’re affiliated with.

This is especially dangerous because it puts you at risk of being home invaded, robbed, murdered. Someone could even target one of your family members just to get to you.

It just causes so many risks that wouldn’t be if your information hadn’t fallen into the wrong hands.

Therefore, people dox you to get your personal information and exploit it to cause you fear. Moreover, they may do it to place you and your family in harm’s way.

It’s best to contact police in situations like these. It may or may not work. However, you’ll have a report of it on file, which is a good step!

Bullying On Social Media:

In conclusion

One thing that bullying online has over face-to-face bullying is that you can gather evidence of it easily. Anything done online automatically leaves a digital footprint.

Also, you can take screenshots and print hard copies of any incendiary messages and comments to take to court.

Face-to-face bullying can’t be proven unless you keep documentation of it in a journal, wear a hidden body camera, or hide an audio-recording device in your purse, briefcase, or book bag.

However, this can be illegal depending on the laws of the state you live in. Therefore, before using any recording device whether body cam or audio, be sure to get abreast of the law. The last thing you want is for your bullies to sue you for invasion of privacy.

If you keep documentation of the bullying incidents, make sure you use the 5W method when doing so.

This post is all about bullying on social media and the reasons why people do it so that you can better pinpoint, report, and explain it when it happens to you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Cyberbullying Tactics: 9 Common Tricks of Cyber-Bullies and Trolls

2. Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

3. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

4. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

5. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

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With many victims, the bullying they suffer is a vicious  and continuous cycle. Now you might ask, “What do you mean? How can bullying become a cycle?” Here’s how.

the cycle of bullying

Bullies often stick victims in a cycle in which they can’t escape. And when bullies know that the victim is trapped, that’s when they know they have them where they want them. Therefore, you must know how bullying is a cycle that only repeats itself.

In this post, you will learn all about the cycle of bullying. Moreover, you will learn how victims get stuck and how bullies take advantage of it.

After you learn how that cycle repeats itself, you will be prompted to take steps to either take care of yourself or escape the environment altogether.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can recognize when you’re stuck in it and find ways to remedy your situation.

The cycle of Bullying

Let’s describe it like this.

A victim is selected and is bullied relentlessly. Every morning, she arrives at school others only greet her with a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, and ridicule. Moreover, they force her to endure physical assaults and beatings.

Nevertheless, she holds up for a year or two, trying to be strong and brave. She manages to remain calm and cool, and seems to do quite well at it.

However, the bullies are relentless because they want so badly for her to react the way they want her too. So, they escalate the attacks and the abuse becomes more frequent and intense.

It is as if they are trying to bring her down. And the truth is, they are.

The Breaking Point

Finally, so many of her peers have bullied her so much for so long that they finally succeed in driving her to the breaking point.

The target either attempts suicide or has a breakdown of some sort. Maybe she breaks down crying and her sobs are so deep and so uncontrollable that she can’t stop crying. It’s as if a dam has burst and the raging torrent of tears continues to pour forth.

In fact, she’s crying so hard her entire body shakes, quakes, and writhes.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Psychological Treatment and progress of the victim

The victim is admitted to a treatment center for severe depression. She stays there for a couple of months.

 Moreover, while she’s there, she makes progress. She opens up about the bullying she suffers, and people listen. In the treatment center, she is safe.

The victim makes friends out of the other kids there and of the staff as well. They all support her, and she begins to feel good about herself again. Therefore, it seems like she’s beginning to heal and get better.

A couple of months go by and for the first time since she left the bullying environment and arrived at the treatment center, the bullying victim feels like herself again.

She feels re-empowered.

The Victim’s Release and return to the same place that made her sick

The center finally discharges the victim. However, she must return to school, back to the same people who made her sick to begin with.

As soon as she goes back to school, she’s nervous because she knows what’s waiting for her. Moreover, although the others at school can’t prove where she’s been, they can figure it out.

Now there’s the mental health stigma hanging over her. Therefore, the bullies instantly use it against her and only pick up where they left off.

They begin mobbing her again. Additionally, even a few teachers and the principal look down on her, just like before.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The Bullies, Student Body, and Teachers only pick up where they left off.

The principal warns her aloud, in the crowded hall, as she’s changing classes. He says to the victim, “I’m going to be watching you closely.”

Even worse, he tells her this in front of the other students where they can overhear.

The victim continues to behave well. However, the principal, a few teachers, and the student body, view her with suspicion. Instead of acknowledging and encouraging her success, the principal and teachers only continue to let her know that she’s on their radar.

The two months away in the treatment center was intended to help her get well and put her life back together.  Moreover, returning to school was supposed to be a chance to start over.

The School Only Uses Mental Health Stigma to Undo Any Progress the victim has made.

But the school has only branded the victim a mental case. As a result, some of the teachers and the principal, knowingly or unknowingly, begin the process of undoing all the progress this girl has made.

What they should do is pull her aside and tell her in private that they are watching her, but that they admire her for getting help and trying to turn her life around.

However, their justification for their emotional abuse is that it’s to protect the other students who fit in to what’s “normal” and who obey the rules.

In other words, they use this justification to defend the emotional abuse they inflict on the victim and continue to single her out for humiliation.

Therefore, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The school only justifies their abuse and continues to discriminate based on mental health.

The girl’s “loony bin trip” now follows her around like a stalking wildcat. School officials either don’t realize or don’t care about the impact their attitudes and prejudices have on young students.

Therefore, bullies begin the evil process again. They begin trying to break this girl down for a second time.

So, the victim continues to hide her emotions. Therefore, she continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying she suffers isn’t such a big deal.

She does her level best to stay strong and hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. Why? Because she knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it.

They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.

Fighting a Losing Battle

Therefore, she holds up for as long as she can. But the reality is that no one can hold up under that kind of pressure for long.

But she continues to stuff her emotions deep down inside, even though it’s tearing her up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see her stoicism as a challenge.

Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break this girl and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.

Then, once again, it happens! The victim has another breakdown. After all, no one can bury all that pain forever.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Return to the treatment center

The doctors admit her to the treatment center for the second time. A few months pass and she gets the help she needs.

Again, she is in a safe environment. Therefore, she speaks again about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her support and she begins to heal and get better.

After some time at the center, they finally send her home and her parents take her back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once she’s back, the bullies have a go at her once again.

Why? Because the poor target is trapped in a school she isn’t safe in. And chances are, she will break down and only return to the treatment center a third time.

Therefore, here’s the cycle.

The victim endures bullying and she has a breakdown. She then goes somewhere and gets help, then heals and gets released. She returns to the same toxic environment and the bullies start the process of breaking her until they succeed and she returns to the center.

Therefore, the cycle replays itself again and again.

The Cycle of Bullying:

To Resolve this problem, the victim will need to transfer schools.

In cases like this, targets must be either transfer to a new school or home school, otherwise, the cycle only continues.

Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to transfer him before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. Moreover, it worked!

His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!

Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a target suffers bullying and it morphs into a pattern. Why, because once people grow comfortable with bullying a certain victim, it will only intensify.

Moreover, if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up returning to the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the toxic school.

It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school. Moreover, it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can understand the cyclical nature of bullying and peer abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

2. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

3. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

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Are you a target of bullying? Do you want to know the secrets bullies hope you never find out?

secrets bullies hope you never find out

Bullies may look rough and intimidating on the outside. They may resort to threats of physical, social, and psychological harm to get what they want from you. However, are they really so tough? Fortunately for their victims and targets, there are secrets… secrets bullies hope you never find out.

In this post, you will learn exactly what those secrets are and why bullies don’t want you to discover them. Also, you will learn how to use this information to your advantage.

Once you learn about all these things bullies will never admit, you will be able to see right through your bullies and know the exact intentions behind the evil they do. Moreover, you will be able to predict what your bullies will do next just by watching them.

Even better, you will have the tools to use it against them and to your own advantage.

This post is all about the secrets bullies hope you never find out so that you can turn the tables on your bullies once and for all. You’ll be able to feel good about yourself in spite of how they may attack you simply by knowing where the attacks come from. And your confidence will soar!

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

1. Being a bully is WORK!

Believe it or not, bullies must work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. In other words, bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven.

They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. Moreover, they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money.

Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

Therefore, they’re constantly afraid because they fear losing face if any of it ever gets out.

For instance, you may see one of your bullies wearing clothes from department stores like Nordstrom every day. But you may get lucky and notice him pull out a 20 dollar wallet from Walmart. That’s when you’ll know he’s nothing but a poser.

So, find ways to use it against him and to your own advantage. I can think of several and I’m sure you can too.

2. Secrets Bullies Hope you Never Find Out: They aren’t happy people.

They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others?

Bullies don’t feel they can be happy unless they’re bringing someone else, particularly, you, down. The only thing that makes bullies happy is to see you suffering. Therefore, see this as a testament to how miserable they really are.

They do it to feel better about themselves. Moreover, they also do it to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else.

Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

Many bullies aren’t happy at home. They have stressful marriages and family lives. Or, if they’re in school, they have bad relationships with parents and siblings. Therefore, they feel powerless there.

However, at school or work, many bullies can control others to keep from feeling so powerless.

Therefore, keep your ears peeled and try to find out what their home life is like.

For example, if you’re in a bathroom stall and you hear your bullies enter the restroom. Draw your feet up and listen in on their conversation. You’d be surprised what you find out!

The trick is to find any good ammunition you can use for your own benefit.

3. They’re weak.

Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains nor social intelligence to get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must use force and intimidation.

Why? Because it’s the only way they can get their wants and needs met. All this makes for a life of drama and conflict. So, smile about it.

4. One of the main secrets bullies hope you ever find out is that They’re insecure.

Bullies constantly worry about what others think of them. This is why they act the way they do. They want to seem perfect because they’re so afraid that if others find out about the real person, they won’t like them anymore.

Bullies want so badly to be liked that they will bully you in front of an audience to score laughs from everyone and get approval.

Therefore, call them out on it. I promise you’ll feel much better once you do.

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims.

Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking,  or are more talented, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

Understand that bullies despise anyone who has something they want but do not have. Therefore, they will move heaven and earth to take it from them. And if they can’t take it away, they will punish the person for having it.

However, they would never admit that in a million years. Why? Because jealousy smacks of inferiority and the last thing any bully wants is to look inferior.

So, feel good about the fact that your bullies are jealous of you. It only proves that you aren’t the inferior one here.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool.

Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it.

Therefore, many bullies bully to look cute to any bystanders and witnesses. And sadly, most bystanders are under the misguided belief that bullying is cool.

This should make you laugh because you know they’re not so cool after all.

7. Secrets bullies hope you never find out: They seek approval.

As mentioned earlier, if a bully doesn’t get approval, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the approval they feel they never get.

Understand that bullies are simps. They only simp to be liked in ways that aren’t so obvious. However, understand that anyone who seeks approval, no matter how they do it, is one needy and pathetic human being.

Therefore, see it for what it is and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Why? Because you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such behavior.

8. They’re cowards.

They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves. Also, many bullies feel they must act tough to scare you into not fighting back.

However, realize that you should fight back. I’ve seem several bullies bully their victims to the point that the victim finally snapped.

As a result, the victim beat the living daylights out of the bully. Also, on some occasions, the victim whipped the bully in front of an audience.

Therefore, the bully never again bothered the victim and the target finally won respect.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters.

This goes back to number one and it’s way they work so hard to create an image. Bullies feel they must don masks to hide their true selves.

Again, understand that they do this out of insecurity. Bullies aren’t happy with themselves and fear that their true selves will be exposed.

Just knowing this will keep you out of the doldrums and view your bullies for the losers they are.

10. Secrets Bullies hope you never find out. They Bully to compensate for their weaknesses and shortcomings.

If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Also, bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing.

Moreover, they feel that this makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

For example, male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most decent girls find them disgusting.

Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, cheap knock-off designer bags, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date.

Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude?

This should give you a huge pick-me-up!

11. They crave attention.

Bullies love attention and they’ll do anything to get it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, when a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the spotlight away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one.

They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out. Therefore, use this information to boost your confidence!

This post was all about the secrets bullies hope you never find out so that you can use those secrets to boost your self-esteem and use them against your bullies if you need to.

Posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

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Would you like to know how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can feel good about yourself and take control of your life?

how to overcome low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can drag you down and hold you back from your full potential. Therefore, if you’re wondering how to overcome low self-esteem, then look no further. I’m about to show you easy and powerful ways to do so.

You will learn the best and easiest practices to do so. As a result, you will finally be a pro on how to overcome low self-esteem.

After you learn these simple and highly effective practices, your self-esteem will skyrocket! Your confidence will soar! And you will be ready to take life by the horns and master all your talents and abilities fearlessly.

This post is all about how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can feel so much better about yourself and have the confidence to go after your dreams and work on achieving those life-long goals!

Even better, you will have the courage to confidently stand up to bullies and haters that even attempt to try and bring you down.

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Overcoming low self-esteem isn’t easy, especially if you have bullies and negative people attacking you from every corner. However, practicing thought habits and daily physical habits to raise your esteem is still so important.

Moreover, it may even feel weird at first. Doing something you’re not used to doing always does. But push through that feeling. Once you practice these new things long enough, they’ll come naturally.

And you’ll be surprised at just how much it will change your life!

Now, without further adieu, here are the ways on how to overcome low self-esteem.

1. Replace Negative Thoughts about Yourself with Those that are Positive

This means catching every negative thought that pops in your mind with a positive thought. However, it won’t be easy and may even feel weird at first, but you must stay on top of it.

Guard your mind and if you catch a negative thought, immediately replace that thought with a positive… without waiting. Also, do it repeatedly until it becomes like second nature.

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

This is especially important for victims of bullying because they usually start off as confident and outgoing people.

However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn. Sometimes, they can turn against themselves.

Negative Thoughts Produce Negative Things!

For example, they began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. They stop believing in their own good qualities. They no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

And before long, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people began to fall out with friends and family, they have back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected, unsuccessful, and unlucky.

This is why you must realize that your thought patterns determine your outlook (attitude). Your outlook determines your decisions and behavior. Then, your decisions and behavior determine your outcomes.

Your outcomes determine your life and the events that happen in it. All this then re-enforces your outlook or attitude. This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

It’s the Pygmalion Effect at work.

Again, for your own sake, get into the habit of thinking positive. Moreover, put in the inner work to change your thought patterns for the better and you’ll be amazed at how it will completely change your life!

2. How to overcome Low self-esteem: Practice Self-Care

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential! It’s imperative!

Self-care is more than just treating yourself to a soothing soak in the tub, or changing your eating habits and starting an exercise regimen. Yes, all the things I just mentioned are a part of self-care.

However, it can also mean making some heartbreaking decisions, like going no contract with a toxic family member or breaking off a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend with narcissistic personality disorder.

Moreover, you may even be forced to break off a friendship with a jealous bestie.

Believe me, those things are the most difficult to do because we care deeply about these people. However, if they don’t care enough about you to stop abusing you, then, what choice do you have?

You must love and care enough about yourself to walk away from anyone who brings you down and causes you anguish. Life is too short to tolerate abuse. Know that you deserve better.

3. Surround Yourself with Positive and Uplifting People

Many times, your self-esteem levels have so much to do with the company you keep. In other words, if you spend most of your time around people who constantly berate you and bring you down, no wonder your self-esteem is shot to shit!

One thing that few of us think about is that we each are the sum of the types of people we spend the most time with. In other words, if the people you spend most of your time with are negative, then negative is what you become.

On the other hand, the opposite is true also. If you spend most of your time with people who are positive and uplifting, then you will feel and be the same.

So, if you’re the only positive person in the room, you’re in the wrong place! If you’re around people who drain you and make you feel bad, you must find a way to fix it without hanging around and trying to fix them.

You can only fix things by removing yourself from their company.

Know that you always know when you’re with the wrong people because you will immediately sense that something is off anytime you’re around such negative folks. You will feel exhausted just being around them because it will be as if they’re sucking the oxygen out of the room.

Also, you’ll feel yucky because they’re killing your good vibes. Therefore, you must get out of there… fast!

Don’t stifle your own peace, happiness, and, most of all, growth by continuing to hang around. Make it your goal to get away from these people and out of that environment!

4. How to overcome Low self-esteem: Make Positive Affirmations to Yourself

You would be surprised at how effective making  positive affirmations is when it comes to boosting your self-esteem. Therefore, when you make these affirmations, look at yourself in the mirror each morning and make these “I AM” statements.

Here are a few examples of affirmations and “I AM” statements:

I am not to blame for being bullied.

I am lovable.

You can even say,

I am a good person.

I am worthwhile.

There are hundreds of affirmations you can use. These are only a few.

Moreover, if you do this for long enough, you will begin to believe it with every fiber of your being and your life will change for the better.

5. Love and Accept Yourself

This means embracing your flaws as well as your perfections, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and having the courage to be yourself.

If you don’t love yourself, no one else will either. Moreover, you won’t be able to properly love anyone else. Therefore, you’ll be on an endless quest for love and acceptance from others.

Realize that your love only comes from within, not from without.

Completely love and accept yourself. For, it is a stepping stone to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, and stop being so concerned about how others see you, you experience total freedom. It’s like a huge weight being lifted off of you.

Also, you become much more attractive to people. In fact, you will draw them to you like a magnet!

Moreover, the creeps who are waiting for you to mess up will only get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Self-love and acceptance is such sweet freedom!

6. Stop Caring What Other People Think

Remember. When you care too much about the opinions of others, you become their slave. Therefore, free yourself by not bending over backwards to please others and doing the things you want to do.

Gather the courage to be yourself and realize that there will be a few people who dislike you and yes, even hate you. Moreover, see this as a part of life and embrace it.

This is how you become a powerful force in your own life!

7. Focus On Your Life Goals and Dreams

When you begin working on yourself and focusing on your life goals and dreams, you will be too busy to dwell on the negative opinions of others. Also, you will more than likely succeed at attaining your goals.

This, in itself, is a lesson in how to overcome low self-esteem.

In other words, you must focus on what you want out of life and go after it with a fever and a fervor.

This post was all about how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can take back control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

 

Click here to see Cherie’s Patreon

 

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Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

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Do you want to know the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that you can feel more confident and have the courage to get things done?

raising self-esteem

When people are targeting you for bullying, raising self-esteem can be difficult. If, you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how you can get your confidence back and reclaim your life. As someone who survived and overcame bullying myself, I’m giving you the same mind-hacks that I used to finally boost my confidence and change my life for the better

You are going to learn about all the tried and true mind hacks that work in helping you to not only win back your confidence, but also take back your personal power.

After you learn about all these clever mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem you will feel and be more confident than you ever thought possible.

This post is all about the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem that every target of bullying needs to know.

Raising Self-Esteem

Before we get into the mind-hacks, lets discuss the harmful effects of low self-esteem and how it can negatively alter your life.

Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As you probably know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health.

Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, you can take control over how your bullies’ attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can re-frame the attacks and purposefully buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help you in raising self-esteem:

1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it. If bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else.

For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless. Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable too. Making you feel bad about yourself is the only way they can feel better about themselves.

Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to re-frame their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

Again, bullies draw their power by stripping others of theirs and making them feel powerless. When bullies attack you, they are projecting their own feelings of worthlessness unto you.

The only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. Always remember that!

2. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’ve either already done it or they are doing it now.

This is called, “projection” and it’s a classic bullying tactic that bullies and tyrants have used down through the ages. Moreover, bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

For example, Back during World War II, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.” He described the use of projection in a nutshell.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and more intelligently.

As a result your confidence will soar!

3. Raising Self-Esteem means realizing that Your bullies only speak from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams.

For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. They may butt in and say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything in their entire lives. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures.

Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

So, any time your bullies try to pee on your goals, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

4. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from some smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children. They may even be a best friend, or a trusted mentor.

Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

Moreover, they are the people who will be honest with you even if it stings a little. In other words, they won’t be afraid to give you constructive criticism and they will do this to help you and keep you safe.

Therefore, their words are golden!

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they only want what’s best for you and are out for your good.

5. Bullies Can’t Insult nor offend you unless you Place value On their opinions.

To rephrase this, for others to insult you, you must first value their opinions. Ouch! I know, that hurts! But you should realize that a bully’s words aren’t worth considering.

Any time you allow their insults to get under your skin, you give them validation, which is something your bullies do not deserve.

Therefore, just let them talk and embrace it! Stop thinking that something must be wrong with you. Because you’re fine just the way you are.

In fact, here are a few positive ways you can look at it:

a. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.

And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. When they talk about you, good or bad, they make you relevant.

B. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.

So, who’s really in control here?

C. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to.

It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled by you with little effort on your part.

D. They must really admire you and want to be like you.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. They’re admitting that they don’t have lives of their own. So, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

E. They have an Obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let the pettiness amuse you. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the petty attacks too.

When you finally wise up and take this approach, the results will surprise you and your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Therefore, attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse.

The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart.

Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

Most importantly, remember that with knowledge comes empowerment.

This post was all about the simple but powerful mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that they can be a buffer to your bullies attacks and give you the confidence boost that you need.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

1 Trait That is More Powerful than Perfection

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confidence, empowerment, smaller chess piece looking in the mirror to see bigger chess piece

What is more powerful than perfection?

The answer is simple… confidence!

Confidence is THE one key ingredient that everyone must have to succeed in life. When you have it, you have better and more fulfilling relationships, you are more successful in school and in your career. You have more dates, friends, are more likely to have a great marriage and raise confident and successful children.

On the other hand, a Perfectionist is not a confident person and has to work so much harder just to go through life. A perfectionist is insecure with herself and others. She focuses more on herself than others and is always worried about what others may think and say about her. This is why she tries so hard to be…well…perfect.

A perfectionist is both critical of herself and others and tends to have strained relationships because of her obsessive need to be right…all the time…and about EVERYTHING! She thinks that she must be perfect for others to like her and covertly seeks validation from others rather than looking within herself for it. And the outcome is usually adverse.

confident man

Confidence means acceptance.

A confident person realizes that no one is perfect and that they will make mistakes. When that person does make a mistake, she doesn’t make a big deal about it and beat herself up. Sure, she may be disappointed for a short while but she always gets over it very quickly and “bounces back”.

She may even have a few people who do not like her. But being the confident person she is, she doesn’t concern herself with how she’s perceived because she knows that she is awesome and that there are plenty of others who DO love her. A confident person is a “proud to be me” kind of individual and always takes care of herself and the people she loves. She always surrounds herself with positive and uplifting people who love her and steers clear of the negative people who want to bring her down.

A confident person sees beauty where a perfectionist only sees flaws. She sees opportunity where a perfectionist sees strife and hard luck.

When I was young, I was a perfectionist. Why? Because I was a beaten down and very negative person who couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I felt I had to be A-1 best before people would like me. I had yet to realize that all I ever had to be was my natural, authentic self.

Changing your perspective for the better.

When I began to love myself, flaws, quirks and all, things began to change…and for the better. Now…I am a confident and happy woman. I am at peace and comfortable in my own skin. Everywhere I look there is opportunity. Everywhere I look, there is beauty…because I look for it. I love myself and the people around me.

There’s no benefit to being a perfectionist, you only end up working too hard to meet standards which are more than likely impossible to meet, spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Also, you end up failing miserably and in the process, looking like a try-hard.

true freedom.

Confidence, on the other hand is FREEING and it allows you to be you without fear. It also brings patience, faith and positive self-awareness. Instead of spinning your wheels, you move slowly, steadily and PATIENTLY toward your goals, step by step, until you eventually reach them, therefore reaching success!

Therefore, stop being a perfectionist because you only keep yourself in bondage. Free yourself by becoming confident, even if you must recite positive affirmations to yourself every day. In other words, accept your quirks and flaws. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Accept that there will be bullies, haters, and naysayers who will always have something to say and be okay with it. In a nutshell, be yourself and do your thing. Only then will you be truly at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Why Bullies Sometimes Call You “Uppity”

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Snobby group of cliquey girls with their ringleader pointing at you

Ever wonder why bullies sometimes call you “uppity?”

First, let’s examine the word, “uppity.” Uppity means arrogant, haughty, or pompous. It’s used to describe a person who thinks they are better than everyone else. However, a bully may label you “uppity, even though it isn’t who you are.

Understand that a bully’s definition of the word goes much deeper. You must look at the context in which the term is being used. Also, look at the circumstances which prompted the bully to make such a judgement of you. What would motivate a bully to refer to you as “uppity?”

Here are 3 reasons why bullies often accuse targets of being uppity:

Woman screaming and pointing an accusing finger at you

  1. The target displays confidence.

Confidence is power. When a person is confident and knows who they are, they’re least likely to allow others to control them. This is a huge threat to the bully’s power. Therefore, bullies will give targets the “uppity” label in hopes that the target will question themselves or worse, believe it, then feel guilty for it.

If the target falls for this BS and believes it, he will automatically “tone it down.” Consequently, he will unwittingly give the bullies the green light to gradually heap on more and more abuse.

Remember that a bully’s opinion of you means nothing unless you allow it to. Never buy into it! Keep your confidence no matter what!

Marginalized man putting out hands to block the fingers that are pointed at him

  1. The target refuses to comply with the bullies’ demands.

 Defiance is a huge threat to the bullies’ power. When a target refuses to comply with the bullies’ demands, mandates, or orders, he, in essence, gives the bully the middle finger. Then, he goes on doing what he wants and not what the bullies want him to do.

Ouch! This is painful to bullies. Why? Because, if the target doesn’t comply, then others just might feel emboldened not to comply. Defiance has a way of spreading and, once it spreads, the bully loses power. Bullies know this and, therefore, double down by labelling the target as uppity (among other labels).

Kids fighting with the quote, "Never fight until you have to. But when it's time to fight, you fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's Ark... and brother, it's startin' to rain."

  1. The target defends himself.

When the target stands up for himself, this is also a threat to the bullies’ power. Why? Because the target just might put them in their place and make them look like punks. Therefore, the target takes back his power, leaving the bullies looking slack jawed and stupid. As a result, some bullies will retaliate to reinforce their dominance.

Therefore, you must keep your power. Resist the urge to comply. Push back when bullies attempt to abuse you. They may retaliate, but in you dig your heels in and continue to stand your ground, you keep your personal power, and with it, your self-esteem.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What is That Coveted Je Ne Sais Quoi?

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Charming older woman smiling

What is that Coveted je ne sais quoi? Je Ne Sais Quoi is French, and it means, “I don’t know what.” The term is used to describe a special but indescribable characteristic that someone has – a characteristic that is hard to name. It’s that unnamable characteristic that attracts people, especially suitors, and puts them under the person’s spell.

When someone has a certain je ne sais quoi, people will usually say things like, “There’s just something about him/her.” Someone who falls in love will often use that phrase when those outside the relationship can’t understand what the love-stricken individual sees in the person they’re in love with.

Some people were born with this mysterious allure and come by it naturally. These lucky people seem to attract people easily and effortlessly. Others, like most bullying targets, were not blessed with it and have great difficulty making friends. Shy people and those on the autism spectrum tend to have the most difficulty in this arena.

can this je ne sais quoi be taught?

Businessman schmoozing colleagues at a social gathering

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying and you’re having difficulty making friends or finding love, the secret to getting that je ne sais quoi is to understand exactly what it is. Thankfully, it is something you can learn, and, once you learn it, you can use it to your advantage.

So, what is it exactly?

Simple. It’s social intelligence, which is a combination of confidence, charm, and charisma, or The Three C’s. The most precious thing in the universe isn’t money. It isn’t gold or silver. It’s these three traits because they set you on a path of success in every aspect of your life. However, to have the three C’s, you must first have healthy self-esteem.

Sadly, many targets of bullying don’t realize this. They want these traits so badly but don’t have the self-esteem to back them up.

As a result, they live a lonely and unsuccessful life. They secretly resent those who have that je ne sais quoi as they sit on the sidelines and watch them have a blessed life. Also, they may resent God for not blessing them with it, which only makes things worse.

man with confidence

Healthy Self-Esteem always comes before je ne sais quoi

Moreover, when a young target asks an adult how to learn that certain something that attracts people, the adult may only laugh them off and tell them,

“That’s something that can’t be taught. It’s something you’re born with. You either have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, you’re just shit out of luck.”

Adults give them those types of hurtful responses because either they themselves don’t know, or they do know but would never tell them for obvious reasons. Consequently, young targets believe the lies and stop trying – at everything. They stop trying to make friends and move up in the world.

The resulting mentality becomes this: “Why do all that work if it isn’t going to get me anywhere? I’d only be spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.”

As a result, these people accumulate long strings of failed friendships and relationships and jump from job to job. Also, they run around with ne’er do wells. In short, they relax their standards and become content to cruise through life without extending any effort. Many targets end up on welfare and public housing and it’s because their self-esteem is shot to hell.

man holding a card that reads, "Low Self-Esteem"

Therefore, I often stress doing everything you can to salvage your self-esteem because, again, in order to have charm and charisma, you must first have a healthy self-esteem. Thankfully, you can also learn this. I repeat, no matter what others have told you, social intelligence can be taught and you can go from anti-social to social ninja in just a few years.

Here are a few things you can do to raise your self-esteem and with it, your je ne sais quoi:
  1. Smile! And by smile, I mean do it authentically. A real, genuine smile is one complete with the crinkles around the outer corners of the eyes. If there are no crinkles around the eyes, the smile is fake.
  2. When you’re talking to a person, say their name. According to Dale Carnegie’s book, entitled, “How to Make Friends and Influence People,” a person’s name is music to their ears. Saying their name when you speak to them just makes them feel that having a conversation with you is all the better.
  3. Engage in small talk. Never talk about anything deep. Great small talk conversations discuss topics such as the weather, sports, movies, music, and current events (just don’t go to deep on the current events).
  4. Realize that it’s not about you. One thing I want you to know right now. People care more about themselves and their lives than they do about you. It’s just the reality of human nature. Therefore, become interested in other people and their lives. People always love someone who’s interested in them.

Confident man reach out to shake your hand

Start with doing the above practices and don’t be afraid to learn new tricks. And realize that you will probably need to fake it, at first- fake it until you make it! It’s what I had to do. However, I discovered that when you act confident, you will soon feel confident. And when you feel confident, the fake becomes real.

Practice these things and you will soon be able to raise your je ne sais quoi and draw people to you. And once you do that, you might even be able to schmooze like a pro!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Befriend Other Targets

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The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that in order to find good friendships, you must establish common ground. Understand that those who share the same activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a high probability of developing close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.

How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.

When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it not only confirms that he isn’t alone in the fight, but it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends just might back the target up the next time her bullies come calling.

Commonalities Attract

Also, it reinforces the fact that the target is not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others have told him, he can make friends. It sends the message that the target is a likeable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.

When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.

Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves. When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground which quickly develops rapport.

A “Target Rich Environment”

If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target rich environment” for  yourself by staying among other targets.

I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re attracted to people with the same desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a cake walk!

So, how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?

You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a tee shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.

What a person is doing also gives clues. Also, their posture also has many tells in it. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone, slumps in their chair, and doesn’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You just might be the friend they’re looking for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!