How to Overcome Learned Helplessness: 5 Ways to Empower Yourself

March 15, 2025March 11, 20253 Comments

‘Want to know how to overcome learned helplessness. Here are all the ways you can empower yourself and take back control over your life.

When you’ve been bullied and abused long enough, you develop a condition called “Learned Helplessness.” In other words, you feel hopeless.

You feel that there’s nothing you can do about your situation. Therefore, you give up any options you may have to make a better life for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to overcoming learned helplessness so that you can take back your autonomy and your life.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be able to take back control of your life and begin your journey back to peace and happiness.

This post is all about how to overcome learned helplessness and go from hopelessness to happiness.

How to Overcome Learned Helplessness

How does learned helplessness apply to bullying?

When people bully you, many times they will either keep you from defending yourself or punish you for it. This is how learned helplessness rears it’s ugly head if you aren’t careful.

Therefore, many targets and survivors of bullying get stuck in the only life they know. Moreover, if bullying and abuse are the only things a person knows, guess what happens?

They usually stay stuck in relationships and environments that are harmful to them. Why? Because bullies and abusers have conditioned them all their lives to accept it as a normal part of life. This can happen to animals as well.

Here’s a piece from the book, “The Body Keeps the Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M. D.

“Maier and Seligman had repeatedly administered painful electrical shocks to dogs who were trapped in locked cages. They called this condition, ‘inescapable shock.’”

“After administering several courses of electric shock, the researchers opened the doors of the cages and then shocked the dogs again. A group of control dogs who had never been shocked before immediately ran away, but the dogs who had earlier been subjected to inescapable shock made no attempt to flee, even when the door was wide open- they just lay there, whimpering and defecating. The mere opportunity to escape does not necessarily make traumatized animals, or people, take the road to freedom.

Like Maier and Seligman’s dogs, many traumatized people give up. Rather than risk experimenting with new options, they stay stuck in the fear they know.”

This is interesting.

How to Overcome Learned Helplessness:

Learned helplessness doesn’t come from bullying per se. It comes more from being trapped and having no way to escape bullying.

Many targets of bullying have been repeatedly traumatized just like the electric shock dogs in the excerpt. People have abused them for so long that they’ve programmed them to stay in a miserable environment.

Moreover, others have conditioned them tolerate more abuse. It’s heartbreaking!

Nine times out of ten, the target is trapped in the bullying and has no chance of getting away from it. In other words, they’re trapped in a school they can’t transfer from.

Many victims of workplace bullying are stuck in a job they can’t afford to quit. Many parents of bullied kids can’t afford to move to a new area. Maybe zoning laws forbid switching schools.

Whatever the situation may be, there’s no getting away from the bullying.

When bullies and abusers deliberately block your fight or flight response, what can you do? What can you do when people or circumstances prevent you from running away or fighting back?

You either fly into a rage and end up committing a serious crime or you do like most victims. You shut down completely and surrender to “what just is.” In short, you give up.

L.H. comes from long-term entrapment

Therefore, many targets and survivors suffer from Learned Helplessness because of entrapment. Moreover, evil people have programmed them to believe that there is nothing they can do to defend themselves.

Therefore, bullies and abusers have trained them to believe they have absolutely no control over what happens to them.

How to Overcome Learned Helplessness:

Keep fighting and know that things will get better sooner or later.

This is why we should never allow bullies and abusers to drive us to the point of giving up. Never allow bullies and abusers to brainwash you into believing that you’re helpless.

Why? Because it will have devastating consequences for your entire life. No matter how others treat you and how bad things get, you must hold on to your self-belief.

Moreover, you must hold on to hope. Know that if you keep fighting, things will eventually improve.

Keep your eyes on your goals and dreams. Only then will you be able to break the hold that bullies or abusers have on you.

You may not physically be able to escape the bullying and abuse you suffer. However, you still have control over your mind.

You still have a say in what goes into your mind and what you choose to kick out of it. So, never allow the words of a bullying abuser clutter your brain.

Instead, fill your mind with your goals and dreams. Continue to think of things that make you feel good about yourself.

Work on devising a plan of escape and stick to it. Then, when the time is right and a door opens, put your plan into action.

Trust me, you’re worth it and you deserve to live drama-free and in peace.

Run your life. Don’t let your life run you.

The feeling of powerlessness is a gawd-awful place. You can feel you have no control over your life. Instead of running your life, your life runs you. Even worse, as much as you want to fix it, you don’t know how.

Your life may be a constant battle. You may be fighting a war you never volunteered to fight in but one you feel you’ve been involuntarily drafted into.

Moreover, in this war, you have no furlough nor R&R. Even worse, this war seems to be never-ending. You feel you’re sailing on a ship without a rudder.

Bad things keep happening back-to-back. What’s worse is that you don’t know what’s broken. Therefore, again, you have no way of knowing how to fix it.

Perhaps, the most heart-sinking thing is this. It looks as if everyone else is happily enjoying life. They’re getting what they want, or more appropriately, what you want.

Everyone… except you. And you’re sick of always being the exception.

How to Overcome Learned Helplessness:

1. Recognize it in your thinking patterns.

For example, your bullies can program your subconscious mind if you let them. They will make you believe that love, success, anything good and meaningful, was for anyone who isn’t you.

Moreover, you may feel that God loathes you. It may seem that He wants to punish you by blocking you from any kind of happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. Also, it may seem that God is making sure that you see everyone else reaching successes and enjoying their lives.

And you may hate them all for it. Even worse, you may hate God for blessing them and cursing you. You may rage at Him for allowing you to suffer.

It may seem that God has left you to fend for yourself, then cut off ways for you to do it. But see all this for what it is… all lies!

Your reaction may be to stop talking to God. In fact, you may want nothing to do with Him. Your impulse may be to ignore Him flat out or curse Him in your heart. You may be angry, even outraged!

It may seem that He’s forcing you to suffer while rubbing everyone else’s successes and blessings in your face. You may have the feeling He is starving you. That He is forcing you to go without food while forcing you to watch everyone in the room enjoy a huge feast and eat heartily.

And it feels like torture. But again, it’s all lies. Therefore, never stop praying no matter what! And never allow this type of thinking to take root.

Therefore, the first step to preventing this type of mindset is to recognize it.

This type of thinking is the result of learned helplessness.

But you see? This is what learned helplessness does. It programs you to believe that you’re at the mercy of Fate!

You ask yourself, “what’s the point?” After so many disappointments and heartaches, you feel there’s nothing you can do to change your situation. You think that you’re just “stuck with it,” and “that’s just the way it is.”

Learned helplessness forces you to believe that you have power over nothing! You’re just a leaf being blown about by the wind- a car without a steering wheel.

It is as if your life has been set to autopilot and there’s no way you can navigate its direction.

You come to believe that you should just roll over and resign yourself. People and circumstances have forced you to accept your fate and station in life.

And why not? It’s easier just to go with the flow and let yourself be blown wherever the wind decides to take you.

However, you’ll do yourself so much good by resisting this type of thinking.

2. How to Overcome Learned Helplessness:

Read Personal Development books and articles.

You must know how to change your situation and personal development will tell you how. It did for me.

For example, if you’re having a hard time making friends, I recommend the books “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene! Or, you can read the Bible.

Also, read any of Joe Navarro’s books about body language. He is a former FBI profiler, and his books will teach you how to better read nonverbal communication. The better you read body language, the better you’ll communicate with others!

Begin reading personal development and putting everything you learn into practice. This requires that you be hungry for any knowledge you can use to make a better life for yourself.

And, trust me. When you’re hungry for the knowledge, you’ll devour book after book. Moreover, you’ll continue to practice the new habits you learn. And you’ll do it everyday until it became like second nature and you no longer have to think about it.

The transformation won’t happen overnight. It will take time, even few years. However, you will be amazed at the results.

Good blessings will begin to flow into your life almost immediately! They may be small at first. Nevertheless, they’ll still be blessings.

You will realize that, all along, you’ve had the power to change things only you’d never known you had it.

And power you don’t know you have is power you don’t have because it’s power you can’t use. You cannot use anything you don’t know you have.

3. Seek therapy.

You don’t have to let them shove psych meds down your throat. However, there’s counseling. Counseling allows you to talk and get things off your chest. However, this should be in conjunction with other steps like…

4. How to Overcome Learned Helplessness:

Prayer.

Believe it or not, prayer works. So, spend a minute or two in prayer and ask Him to show you what to do and what you need to understand.

5. Practice, practice, practice.

None of what you’ve learned will do you a lot of good if you don’t put it to practice. Part of reading personal development is practicing it.

You must practice every day to build your confidence and it will require stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your fears head on.

Remember, your transforming will take time. Don’t rush the process. Do everything and learn at your own pace. Patience is the key.

This post was all about how to overcome learned helplessness so that you can take back control of your life and feel powerful again.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

2. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

3. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

January 20, 2025January 6, 20257 Comments

‘Want to know about baiting and the tactics bullies use to bait you into a reaction? Here are all the bully bait-tactics you need to know about.

Another tactic in the bully’s toolkit is to bait you by provoking you into an emotional reaction so that they can turn everything around on you and make you look like the evil one.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about baiting, the purpose of it, and what you can do to protect yourself against it.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be able to better handle any provocation with class. Also, you have a better chance of exposing your bullies and a lesser chance of getting blamed for someone else’s bad behavior.

This post is all about baiting, how bullies do it, and what you can do to defend against it.

Baiting, Bashing, and Blaming

1. They Bait you by provoking you.

Believe it or not, there is a method to the bully’s madness. Bullies are master life-chess players. They put a lot of forethought into their attacks against you. Always. Here’s how bullies can bully and get away with it.

Baiting

First, your bullies will bait you. They do this by provoking you for a reaction. If you blow it off and refuse to react, they will only intensify and increase the taunts. Albeit slowly and subtly.

Why? You might ask.

Bullies do this to wear you down, over time, until they achieve the reaction they want from you. Understand that bullies are very much aware that everyone has a breaking point. Moreover, they are relentless.

They will also provoke you in front of bystanders and witnesses.

Bashing

For example, your bullies repeatedly provoke you until they push you over your limit. You then react by yelling, telling them off, cursing them out, or punching one of them in the face.

Next, your bullies weaponize your perfectly human and justifiable reaction.

In other words, they will weasel their way into the hearts of bystanders and authority. Moreover, they’ll do it by using superficial charm and charisma to play the victims.

Your bullies will bash you by using your reaction as proof that you’re unhinged. Therefore, they’ll very meticulously make it look as though you’re at fault.

Understand that bullies do this to distract attention away from their bad behavior and project it onto you. Therefore, making you look like the guilty party.

Blaming

Once your bullies have succeeded in turning everyone against you, they entice others to join them in shaming you. Everyone may gang up on you, making statements such as, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”

Others may accuse you of “bringing it all on yourself” when in reality, the opposite is true. It is the bullies who have harassed you for months, even years.

You may have tried to handle the bullying calmly and objectively. However, after so long, you only succumbed to exhaustion and reached your limit.

Baiting:

What happens when you report the bullying?

When you report the abuse, staff is likely to blame you and refuse to hold your bullies accountable. Consequently, your bullies will only take this as a green light to continue tormenting you in the future.

Bystanders and witnesses will refuse to help you because they’ll only see you in a negative light. Therefore, you’ll have no other choice but to endure the torment in silence.

Moreover, you’ll eventually clam up because you know that no one will believe you anyway. You’ll know know that your bullies will only punish you for snitching.

And they’ll only further tarnish your already damaged reputation. And why not? By this point, there’s a strong chance that no one will believe her anyway.

Each time you make a report, those who are often in a position to help, will only blow you off. Why? Because they’ll think that the torture you endure is justified.

This will only do more to embolden your bullies, while damaging you.

Moreover, the more brazen your bullies become, the more the bullying will escalate. In other words, the more frequent and intense the attacks will become.

And it continue until the bullying becomes dangerous or even life-threatening. Therefore, the bullying will only end when they kill you, maim you, or you transfer or die by suicide.

Then the bullies will move on to another victim.

What do bullies have to gain from baiting you?

Understand that successful baiting gives bullies feelings of power and control. Moreover, this gives them a sense of invincibility.

In other words, because they’ve gotten away with abusing you, they now think they’re untouchable. Your bullies also get to enjoy favor and sympathy from everyone else.

Bullies also use this strategy to strike fear in and silence you. Therefore, it discourages any future attempts at speaking out.

As a result, it insulates the bullies from exposure. As long as you can’t talk, you can’t expose them for the cowardly, sniveling pieces of human filth they really are.

If bullies target you for abuse, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough when others constantly bully you. However, it’s much worse when they blame you for the bullying you suffer.

In fact, it can downright devastate you because it leaves you feeling completely powerless!

Again, realize that this is just another weapon bullies use and how they trick people into allowing them to continue with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have always used this method.

Therefore, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash, and Blame. Once you do, you will be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment. At the same time, expect bullies to retaliate some way or another.

2. Instigation

This type of baiting is indirect and extremely cowardly. In other words, these types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or the stomach to get their hands dirty.

Therefore, they do their bullying by instigating a conflict between you and another individual. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar. As they watch, they enjoy seeing you get humiliated by someone else.

Moreover, the individual these bullies pit against you probably won’t be the type of person who bullies anyone. In fact, they’ll likely be someone who doesn’t even have a history of conflicts with you.

The person they pit against you will most likely be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor. Understand that your bullies will do this to divide and conquer.

Baiting:

Divide and Conquer

There are several reasons bullies bait you using instigation:

To create a situation where they can gleefully watch as someone else reams you out.
For the purpose of turning others against you.
To create drama and entertainment
They want to parade you in front of an audience
To distract attention from their own evil deeds. In other words, if two or more people are too busy fighting and others are too busy watching and getting their kicks, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what your bullies are doing.
To isolate you by making you look like the bad guy. The more people the bullies can turn against you, the worse you look, and the less power you have.

Often, when you’re a target of bullying by instigation, the person or people your bullies have pitted against you will start their sentences off as:

“Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
“Somebody told me that you did…”
“I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
“Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind me back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

Your First Clues of baiting by instigation

If you’re a target of bullying and someone has instigated a conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with, the first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

“I heard…”,
“Somebody told me…”
“It’s going around that…”
or
“It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clues of bullying by instigation, and that one or more of your bullies is trying to pit these people against you.

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying and you’re ever in a situation like this, here are a few comebacks you can’t make to the accuser:

Laugh at the accuser and say one of these,

“Really? You ‘heard,’? You’re so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you a moron!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

The trick is to challenge the accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. Your accuser will be stunned, and your bullies, who are surely watching from afar, will be sorely disappointed.

Therefore, always imply that your accuser is a fool for believing the lies, and I guarantee that the person will back down. It’s what worked for me.

How I wish I were this quick in school. But, as an adult, I was better able to defuse it by the above counter statements.

3. Baiting: The Secret Admirer Bait

A bully will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate the target.
Here’s how it goes:

For example, your bullies and a few classmates or coworkers see you when you’re nearby and within earshot. If you’re female, your bullies point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (your name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John then goes on the defensive and says,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!”

Or, he might say, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Therefore, by doing this, the bullies slyly bait John into a knee-jerk reaction. And his reaction includes insulting and humiliating you just to drive home the point that he hates your guts.

As a result, you’re hurt and embarrassed and your bullies get their gratification in seeing John humiliate you.

Though the secret admirer bait is mostly used in middle and high school, people have used it on targeted adults in the workplace.

4. The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with you. They will pretend to have a change of heart. Therefore, understand that your bullies will do this to bring down your defenses and win your trust.

However, BEWARE!

Why? Because, once they win your trust, the bullies will invite you to a birthday party, cookout, sleepover, kegger, or reunion. They will then set you up for either a physical attack or humiliation.

Furthermore, they may also get you drunk or high, then manipulate you into compromising situations. Again, this is used by both school-aged and adult bullies.

Baiting:

Here’s how to shut these monsters down.

Understand that no one ever becomes true friends overnight. Therefore, if someone who has bullied you suddenly starts to buddy up to you, and it seems to have come out of nowhere, it’s a red flag!

Steer clear!

Also, you’ll know it’s all fake if you pay attention. Why? Because when your bullies try to win over your trust, they will lay it on thick!

They’ll overdo the flattery. Moreover, it will sound so sweet, you’ll want to grab a barf bag. However, remember that bullies are very convincing. If you’re young and still in school, you’re likely to overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful.

So don’t fall for it! Don’t go anywhere with those people. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

If you’re a kid in school and bullies use the secret admirer bait and trick someone into humiliating you, deal out a good burn for the person they baited into insulting you.

For example, you can say, “No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never be that lucky.”

Then keep walking.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

5. They bait you into explaining yourself.

Understand that anytime you feel you must explain yourself, you do so from a place of powerlessness. Moreover, bullies and their followers will pretend that they don’t understand or they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Therefore, know that you don’t owe them any explanations. Save the explanations for people who are worthy of them, such as a parent, teacher, or supervisor.

This post was all about baiting, how bullies do it, and how you respond so that you can emerge with strength and power!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples