Tag: entitlement

domestic abuse

Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2 Comments

Did you know that bullying is abuse? ‘Want to know how they are one and the same? Here are the characteristics bully and abuse share that targets of bullying must know about.

bullying is abuse

Bullying is terrifying to their victims and leave them with life-long injuries and even cause death. As someone who survived and overcame bullying at school and in the workplace, I’m giving you the characteristics and long-lasting effects that bullying shares with it’s brother, abuse.

You will learn how the two match so that you can more confidently speak against it.

Once you learn these similarities, you will better be able to classify bullying as a form of abuse and see it exactly as it is. Moreover, you will be able to recite the characteristics and effects they both share so that you can contrast the two.

This post is all about the shared features and consequences of bullying and abuse and the reality that most people, especially victims of bullying don’t think about.

Bullying is abuse

This is probably a statement you haven’t heard much and you may even wonder how. Here are nine exact matches you must be aware of.

1. They both instill fear in their victims.

Bullying and abuse are designed to instill fear and anxiety. Moreover, bullies thrive on their victim’s fear to get a desired outcome from their behavior and from their victims.

Victims of both are usually so overwhelmed with fear that bullies can easily force them to comply with their wishes and demands. Victims are afraid that things will only get worse.

Also, they’re frightened of being physically attacked or socially ostracized. Therefore, they feel powerless to stand up to their abusers because they know that chances are good that they’ll suffer brutal retaliation if they dare to even speak up for themselves, much less fight back.

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. However, victims of bullying and abuse are overwhelmed, even paralyzed with it.

This isn’t healthy because excessive fear only stunts growth and development. Moreover, it’s an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in life. An excessive amount of fear can also cause a psychological condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Moreover, the two can use fear of harm to induce classical conditioning in a very negative way. Think, Pavlov dogs and you’ll get a better understanding of this section.

2. Bullying is abuse: Both involve the use of force.

Bullying and abuse involves the use of force to get their victims to comply with their demands or not to say or do anything to make the perpetrators uncomfortable. Put simpler, the fear of harm compels victims to do everything they can to satisfy and even gratify (reward) their violators.

The targets often feel they have no choice. It’s either do what they can to please their offenders, or else.

3. They both include an imbalance of power.

This is a no-brainer. Bullying and abuse automatically strip their targets of personal power and hand over ALL power to the abusers. Understand that the perpetrators of both get a huge rush of power when abusing their victims.

Therefore, bullying and abuse are all about power and making their victims powerless. Thus, an imbalance of power arises if targets are too afraid to take a stand against their oppressors.

Understand that anytime bullies/abusers feel that they are losing power and control over their victims, they will immediately escalate the aggression to try and reinforce power over them.

For example, verbal or emotional bullies/abusers may escalate to physical bullying with beatings or they may destroy the victim’s property to get their point across.

Here’s a scenario. You have a verbal bully/abuser get in your face, yelling and cursing you out for a perceived slight. You get tired of hearing the tirades, so you put your hand up, turn your back on the person, and walk away.

Suddenly, as you’re walking away, your bully pursues you from behind and in a fit of rage, grabs you by the hair, and pulls you back before beating you up.

Therefore, understand that bullying and abuse always escalate! Always!

4. the goal of both is to gain power, control and dominance over another person.

Bullies and abusers love the thought of having absolute power over their targets and there’s nothing they will do to keep that power for themselves.

It’s a dark part of human nature. The one and only thing abusers desire more than money is to have the ability to tell others what they can and cannot do. In other words, they want control over the lives of others.

Bullies and abusers are tyrants and authoritarians at heart and they have an obsessive need to dominate. This is the only way they can feel powerful and in control. Always remember this.

5. Bullying is abuse: They both strip away your confidence, self-esteem, freedom, and autonomy.

Both bullying and abuse work to psychologically condition their targets. In other words, victims may initially being happy, strong, and confident people. However, bullies and abusers can slowly erode those healthy qualities and break down the target over time.

This is what has happened to many super confident women when they married abusive and controlling husbands. The women may have started out with a healthy self-esteem.

However, as time went by, the abuse from their partners slowly chipped away at their confidence and, bit by tiny bit, these women spiraled downward. In the end, the abusers broke these once-vibrant ladies down and the women became powerless shells of their former selves.

Moreover, it took a long time healing before these women could learn to make their own decisions again and feel free to be themselves.

This is what bullying and abuse both do to victims.

6. Bullying and abuse are repetitive and tend to escalate.

Always! Why? Because, sadly, most bullies and abusers get rewarded for their atrocious behavior. Moreover, most people, even those in authority, only side with the abusers/bullies and blame the victim.

It happens all the time. Because the target is usually the one with the least power, it’s much easier for bystanders and authority to blame them rather than hold the offenders responsible and risk becoming the next victim.

Let’s face it, most people, especially bystanders and authority, are cowards and butt-kissers.

Therefore, if bad behavior is what works, if it has always gotten them what they wanted in the past, then why would they stop?

Here’s something else you must know. Because bullies/abusers often get away with their abuse, they become more and more brazen with time.

As a result, they will escalate the aggression. In other words, they may transition from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. Then, occasional slaps and punches may progress to full-fledged beatings and worse and worse it gets.

Therefore, understand that bullies/abusers don’t recognize boundaries nor limits.

7. they both leave lasting emotional trauma.

If a victim suffers bullying/abuse, especially if it’s chronic and long-term, it leaves emotional scars that can be difficult to heal. Targets of abuse often suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, excessive fear and trust issues.

Moreover, they can have problems in relationships and friendships later own and can even become suicidal if they don’t find professional help.

Bullying and abuse both have the same long-term after-affects.

8. Bullying is abuse: Moreover, both come from an authoritarian and tyrannical attitude and a place of perceived superiority and entitlement.

Bullies/abusers tend to have authoritarian and superiority complexes. In other words, they have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. In other words, they think that everyone else, especially their victims is supposed to bend knee and kiss the ring.

Another thing to point out here is that many bullies/abusers have Dark Triad personalities, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.

These people can be abusive partners in the home or sadistic teachers and principals in schools. They can be bossy classmates or puffed-up coworkers trying to climb the ladder at work.

Moreover, they can be tyrannical upper managers in the workplace or politicians and government officials in a town, state, or country.

Sadly, in today’s atmosphere, we seem to have a society where most people will kowtow to these monsters and carry their water for them.

Consequently, this only emboldens these human predators. Therefore, they will become brazen and keep pushing boundaries until they ruin the lives of many people before finally dying or are forcefully held accountable

9. Both involve unwanted aggression.

Bullies and abusers are notorious for inflicting unwanted aggression on their victims. The good news is that you don’t have to continue being a victim. However, this is for another post.

In Conclusion:

Bullying and abuse share the exact same types and features. There is verbal bullying just as there is verbal abuse. It’s the same with other types of bullying and abuse. There are physical and emotional bullying and abuse, as well as psychological, relational, and social.

Moreover, the features and after-affects of both are all the same as well. Therefore, the questions remain? Why don’t more people equate bullying with abuse?

Also, why do we continue to separate the two as different things when, in fact, they’re one and the same?

Feel free to ask these questions and do your research. Moreover, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

this post was all about the features of bullying and abuse as well as the realization that bullying is abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

Looking at The Bully’s Perspective

6 Comments

Bullies perceive their target as their enemy even when the target has done nothing to them and even as they’re ritually abusing and torturing the poor soul. And once the target speaks out about the abuse, that enmity only increases exponentially.

The bullies get a fix on the target and he/she is all they can focus on because they feel threatened.

Bullies and abusers only see from their own perspective and their perspective has the target as an opponent to be punished- a threat who must be contained and even eliminated. Bullies aren’t concerned with the fact that their anger and hatred are irrational. They don’t think that they’re destroying a fellow human being much like themselves- a human being with thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Bullies are oblivious to the fact that the impetus of their violence comes from the primal part of their brains.

Know Your Bully

Understand that if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies see you as the enemy, right or wrong. They view you as bad and evil and they want revenge. They have no inhibitions of destroying you because they think they’re the good guys and they’re doing the right thing by destroying you: evil enemies must be annihilated.

In the Mind of a Bully, The Target Owes Them Respect

And when the target doesn’t show the bullies the respect they feel they’re entitled to, or in the way the bullies think it should be shown, they become enraged and seek to destroy the person.

The power-dynamic between bully and target is always zero-sum. The bully feels the target deserves nothing but hostility and abuse from them but, in contrast, the target owes them respect…and he owes it to them as they’re abusing him.

From the bully’s perspective, the target must atone for their flaws, their shortcomings, and their evil by lying down and “letting” the bullies torment her.

But when and where does it stop?

It doesn’t. As we know, bullying only gets worse until somebody dies or leaves.

If you’re a target of a bully, understand this. It doesn’t matter what the bully’s perspective is. It doesn’t matter what the bully thinks. Neither the bully nor anyone else has a right to violate your boundaries, physical nor psychological.

I want you to know that you have a right to learn, work, or live in a safe environment. You have a right to be in a nourishing environment that allows you to flourish. And you owe respect to no one who hasn’t earned your respect. Bullies and abusers deserve no respect from you. Anyone who deliberately sets out to hurt you does not deserve anything from you. Understand that you must value yourself and put yourself first.

If someone is abusing you, you have every right to take care of yourself. You have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to either walk away from the person or, if you can’t walk away- if the bully won’t let you walk away, then you have a right to defend yourself. Realize that you are valuable, and you matter just as much as the next person.

And everyone has flaws, not only you. If anyone bullies you, then they have no business coming anywhere near you. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Magically Become Board-Certified Shrinks

25 Comments

Isn’t it funny how quickly bullies can become board-certified shrinks? And they can do it overnight, without reading as much as a single word out of a psychology textbook.

As we all know, bullies are legends (or Doctors of Psychology) in their own minds and they only make themselves look stupid when they “diagnose” anyone they cannot manipulate.

This little phenomenon is called “pop-psych,” and, in all it’s entitlement (and embarrassment), empowers bullies to conduct, “remote analyses” while holding little to zero education in the field of Psychology.

If you’re a target of bullying who’s been dx-ed by bullies, you can counter these accusations of insanity by reading a basic psychology 101 textbook, then asking your bullies questions that challenge the narrative.

For example:

Jack: “Don’t hang out with Jill. She’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Crazy? That sounds like a pretty serious accusation. Crazy in what way?”

Jack: “Uh…I don’t know. Like schizo or something.”

Kelly: There are five categories of schizophrenia, which one do you think she falls into?”

Jack: “Uhhhhh…paranoid?”

Kelly: “I’ll have you know that paranoia is a common trait in many psychopathologies.”

Jack: “Uhhhh. I dunno. She’s talking about people talking about her and thinking they’re after her or something- that’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Jack, have you ever considered that possibility that Jill may be a target of bullying?”

Jack: “Oh, no! We’re not allowed to talk about that.”

Kelly: (Rolls her eyes and scoffs at Jack, then walks away.)

When bullies use pop-psychology, they do it out of ignorance and entitlement. They use mental health and mental illness as a weapon and end up making themselves look stupid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

For more information, go to:

https://antiss.net

Another Bullying Tactic- Barking Orders

4 Comments

When bullies order the target around, they deny his/her equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, bullies only bark off orders as if the target were their subordinate or subject. Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of the person. Understand that bullies don’t have to be bosses or authority to order you around.

Here are some examples of orders and what you can say to counter them:

“Get (your ass) in here!”

“Screw you!”

“Come back here now!”

“Or what?”

“Clean this (shit) up!”

“YOU clean it up!”

“Don’t walk away from me!”

“I just did!”

“You’re not leaving!”

“Watch me!”

“I wanna talk to you!”

“Get lost!”

“I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

“Drop dead!”

“Pick that up!”

“Up yours!”

“Sit down!”

“YOU sit down!”

“Shut up!”

“YOU shut up!”

“Move!”

“YOU move!”

Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers or your parents or grandparents. And if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks off an order, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy, self-esteem and keep feeling good about yourself.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies and Narcissistic Entitlement

16 Comments

Bullies of the narcissistic variety truly believe they’re better than and more important than anyone else. They believe the world revolves around them and owes them. They believe that they deserve better treatment. They think people should favor them and bow down to their every whim. They really have grandiose delusions of themselves, how others are supposed to treat them, and how the world is supposed to work.

Narcissistic bullies will take advantage of others and exploit their weaknesses for their benefit. They have no empathy and have no care how they hurt their targets. They pass unfair and ridiculous judgements on their targets, or anyone they deem inferior.

Narcissists have very fragile egos, and they feel threatened by anyone who outshines them in any way. They put up mental walls to keep threatening messages and info from penetrating their grandiose sense of self-importance and those walls are supported by the insults they hurl at their targets.

(Narcissism as a protective barrier)*

Narcissistic bullies can’t handle social rejection and they react fiercely to people they feel threatened by. Less than perfect evaluations send them into a fury. They protect and re-enforce their grandiose but fragile egos by criticizing any negative evaluations and feedback.

Many narcissistic bullies use grandiosity as a cover-up for their feelings of vulnerability, inadequacy, and incompetence. They’re deathly afraid that their shortcomings will be exposed, so, they hurl disparaging remarks and ugly names at others to distract others from their own flaws.

That’s why they need targets to project their own issues of insecurity, fear, and self-loathing. They are really quite pathetic when you stop and think about it.

It’s so easy to see why narcissists are so hateful and hurtful. They need to hurt people to feel better about themselves.

Normal people, especially confident people, don’t feel the need to constantly fire off zingers to intentionally hurt other people. Therefore, they don’t have to have a target because they have a healthy sense of self.

No. People who are truly confident and not narcissists like to get along with everyone and enjoy seeing others happy. They have a love for other people and empathy for those who are hurting.

While narcissists degrade others and need a target, healthy and confident people have a more favorable view of everyone, including people who are targets of bullying. Confident people who love themselves do not need to put others down.

On the other hand, a narcissist feels that the only way they can love themselves is to put others down- including those who aren’t necessarily a threat to their grandiose views of themselves.

Narcissists feel their value comes from having power, riches, good looks, and popularity. Whereas, confident people get theirs from having healthy relationships with the people who mean the most to them and from having positive experiences with them.

And these are the differences between narcissists and people who are truly confident.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

School Bullies Grow Up and Produce Little Bullies

Leave a comment

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

If you’re a target and you feel that life just isn’t fair and that bullies never get the justice they deserve, here’s hope. Bullies do eventually get their comeuppance, and often, the payback comes through their own children.

I have found that several of my bullies from school have gone on to become criminals, and the children they had either during high school or after were born mostly out of wedlock.

I don’t judge anyone who becomes a single parent, nor do I glory in the misfortunes of others. I’m mentioning a few truths to establish a typical pattern of most school bullies and what many of them become later.

Interior of cell block in abandoned State Correctional Institution, or jail., common room with jail cells.

Many of my school bullies had babies during high school, and now these children are adults. For many years, I’ve avidly read the newspaper and seen many of my former bullies’ mugshots. Now I see the mugshots of their now-adult children and read the public list of indictments, usually located on the second or third page of the county’s newspaper.

Many of my school bullies have been to prison or jail, and now their children are following in their footsteps, being charged or convicted of crimes ranging from assault and drug-charges to armed robbery and murder. One of my old school harassers, along with her adult son, has recently been charged with abuse and neglect of a vulnerable, elderly adult and theft of over $60,000.

The son of another girl who bullied me in middle school is charged with kidnapping, shooting, and killing a pregnant woman in cold blood two summers ago and is now serving a life sentence. Even more ridiculous is that the mother is talking her murdering son up, saying, “He’s really a good boy. He’s just…”, making all kinds of lame excuses for him.

She and a few others are even calling for the authorities to “Free” him. “Free So-and-so!” (I won’t mention anyone’s name here) “Free So-and-so!” is what people hear from her.

Remember that bullies are self-entitled morons who think that you and the rest of the world owe them. They believe that rules and laws do not apply to them (or their offspring).

Handcuffed hands of a prisoner behind the bars of a prison with orange clothes – Crispy desaturated dramatic filtered look

They are willing to lie, cheat, browbeat, threaten, rob, and even murder their way through life and get what they want. They also teach their children to steamroll over others, and sadly, this is what you get…a new generation of budding criminals, prison-rats, and jailbirds.

Understand that bullies may be having their heyday now. High school may be their kingdoms. But once they are out of school, their kingdoms will crumble and fall. They will find out (the hard way) that the real world doesn’t care about them or their self-perceived status. Bullies may think they’re superior, but they’re in for a very rude awakening.

Bullies may think (or attempt to make everyone else think) that they’re invincible and indestructible but rest assured that there will come a day when they will be given a generous dose of Karma. And that Karma will either visit them or worse…their perfect little darlings.

Then you will have the opportunity to see just how small, insignificant, and irrelevant those bullies really are. At the same time, you get to enjoy life’s goody-bag of a loving family, a great career, and much success!

Stay strong! Be patient! Your reward and your justice are coming! Mine did!