Tag: crazymaking

signs someone is gaslighting you in a relationship

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

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‘Want to know the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms you have while it’s happening?

signs someone is gaslighting you

When people gaslight you, you may not know it but you’ll feel it if you pay attention. Victims of gaslighting often start out as confident and level-headed people.

However, once a gaslighter gets a hold of them, they can go on such a downward spiral. They continue this decline until their confidence and self belief are completely stripped of them and they become shells of their former selves.

In this post, you will learn the 13 signs that someone is gaslighting you. These are the symptoms you feel in your mind, body, and heart.

Once you learn all these physical and psychological effects, you will be better able to recognize it not only in the other person’s behavior, but also in how you feel.

This post is all about the signs someone is gaslighting you so that you can recognize it when it happens and decide on a course of action to get away from your gaslighter.

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their victims, as are domestic, child, and sexual abusers. In reality, bullies are abusers and abusers are bullies. However, that’s the topic of another post.

As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the target as cr*zy. Moreover, they will try to reverse the roles to make the victim look like the bully.

They may even try to convince the victim that what happened didn’t really happen. The bully/abuser might say that it was all in the targeted person’s imagination. Also, bullies may accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or overreacting.

Therefore, if you’re someone who is gaslighted, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up. And they want you to stay silent about the abuse so that they can keep their moral high ground and continue looking good to others.

Moreover, they do it to make you doubt your sanity. Now, you may ask what they have to gain from this.

Realize that these bullies know that if they can make you doubt your own sanity, then it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to recognize what these bullies are doing because, in most cases, others may agree with them. Others outside the bully/victim relationship may believe that you really are mentally unbalanced, or too sensitive.

And when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to say, “well, maybe I really am overreacting. Therefore, you just clam up and go along with it to keep from being further bullied and gaslighted.

So, what are the signs someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You constantly second guess yourself.

It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing.

This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

Moreover, you’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Realize that too much second guessing can cause you to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness. That’s no way to live!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think. Also, understand that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day.

They don’t call it “crazymaking” for nothing because it can drive you cr*zy. In other words, when people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks.

Why? because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

The best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You over-apologize.

You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. Moreover, you apologize for other people’s behavior.

You may even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

Therefore, understand that some things do not require an apology. Know what those things are, then flat refuse to give any apologies. There’s no need for apologies when people are treating you like doody!

4. You’re confused all the time.

Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion. Again, stop worrying about what others will think or say. This is your life! Don’t waste another second of it jumping through hoops for people who don’t give two hoots about you.

Stand up to them and tell them to go @$%# themselves! Then sever ties, baby! Walk away from them without even looking back!

5. You’re never happy but feel you should be.

That’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted! Why? Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens.

Therefore, realize that your feelings are right on target. You should be happier. Only you have a gaslighting abuser in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve. And, what’s worse is that you’re enabling them!

Please understand that in no way am I blaming you. However, you must realize that you have more power than you’re being led to believe you have.

It’s time for you to get angry and tell these people to go kick rocks! Life’s too short to put up with people who mistreat you! You deserve better!

6. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You make excuses for other people’s behavior.

This especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know.

Moreover, you’re riddled with shame over it. It can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others.

Hence, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being treated like a pile of manure, but also, to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

However, the only way to stop the abuse is to face the truth and ditch these fakers! Realize that, if you must make excuses for people who only bully and abuse you, they can’t be friends.

It’s time to show them OUT! And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be!

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about.

When you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag! People are going to ridicule you no matter what. So, why lie about anything?

Ask yourself this question. Who are these chumps that you should have to lie?

The best thing to do is to be honest. Then, if they have a problem with it, tell them to shove off. It’s better to be honest then to live in regret, wishing you had spoke your mind when they were the ones being abusive.

Show these morons the door! Fast!

8. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

You’ve noticed a change in yourself and it isn’t a good one. You’re not the happy and healthy person you once were and, chances are, you don’t know why.

Therefore, this is the time to begin evaluating all your relationships and know who your abusers are. Once you figure out who’s making you feel so rotten, you must make some tough decisions as to who to keep in your life and who to let go.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

Its not that you can’t do anything right. It’s just that you’re allowing yourself to be forced to live life on someone else’s terms and not your own.

Moreover, your bullies are forcing you to live up to their standards and not yours. Again, life is too short to be anything but happy. Therefore, gather the courage to make the changes you must make to salvage your peace.

This means establishing and setting boundaries. Then, you must be ready to enforce those boundaries if ever the need arises.

You must not allow a single soul to disrupt your peace and your happiness.

10.  You feel hopeless.

I’ve been there. However, you must realize that nothing is hopeless. Especially if people bully and abuse you. It’s not easy to leave a toxic workplace when you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, quietly begin looking for new employment now and line something up.

Then, when a new job comes up, quit!

The same goes if you have a partner who abuses and gaslights you. Start putting money away or reach out to your family to provide a place for you until you get a job.

The idea is to get away from the gaslighters in your life.

11. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You wonder if you’re good enough.

Trust me! You are good enough! You’ve only been led to believe that you aren’t. Understand that people have succeeded in breaking your confidence. Therefore, you must begin working hard to regain that confidence!

How you start is to find ways to get rid of the gaslighter in your life.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself. In other words, it causes you to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Therefore, understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body. Put another way, listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

In most cases, the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

13. You Feel Trapped.

This goes especially for abused partners. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be anything but! However, gather the courage to do what you must to take back your personal power and your life.

It may take a while and you will go through a grieving process. However, once you’ve gone through the sadness, you will be amazed at how much freer and more empowered you’ll be.

Moreover, you’ll have peace and happiness like you never thought possible.

This post was all about the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms that go with it to prompt you to make the changes necessary for your self-esteem and mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

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‘Want to know the signs of conditioning so that you can protect yourself from it? These are the surefire signs to be aware of.

conditioning

Bullies and abusers have ways of conditioning you without you ever being aware that they’re doing it. In most cases you won’t notice it until it has totally changed you and ruined your life. As someone who has been there and overcome it, I’m giving you the signs you must know to stay safe.

You are going to learn about all the early signs of conditioning so that bullies can no longer play these mind games with you.

After learning about the signs of conditioning, you will be prepared and no longer easy to manipulate.

This post is all about the signs of conditioning that every victim and target of bullying should have knowledge of.

conditioning

What is it? In simplest terms, conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe or accept something you wouldn’t normally believe nor accept. Therefore, unscrupulous people will psychologically condition you to believe many falsehoods and accept all kinds of abuse.

This is how people become brainwashed and extreme evil and terrible abuses get normalized.

Therefore, when you’re a target of bullying, bullies will very deceitfully try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse. Also, they will slyly and slowly, over time, “Pavlov” you to believe any lie they say until finally, they convince you to turn on yourself.

Realize that conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle.

In other words, conditioning starts out small and is barely recognizable when it first begins.  It is at this stage when you must know how to recognize it because, the longer it goes on and the bigger the abuses get, the harder it is to defend yourself against it and put a stop to it.

he one thing that will help you to recognize it is that your body will feel it and you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with put out. Pay attention.

So, how do you know your bullies are conditioning you?

Here are the signs:

5 Signs You’re being Conditioned:

You’ll know by the feelings you have.

1. You begin Feeling guilty for defending yourself, speaking out about the bullying you suffer, and reporting the bullying to authority

This most commonly occurs with empaths. However, if you’re an empath and you aren’t careful, you will likely be used and abused by narcissists, bullies, and abusers.

Remember that sometimes you must put your needs first. Also, there will be times when you will need to stand up for yourself.

You have a right not to be abused and you are just as good as the next person. You wouldn’t inflict pain on anyone else and you should never allow others to inflict pain on you either.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential.

Therefore, continue to stand up yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because, if you don’t,  no one else will either. Remember that you aren’t responsible for their feelings.

In a situation of bullying, all you have is you and your greatest weapon is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

2. Another sign of conditioning is Feeling that the bullying you suffer is all your fault.

Anytime you blame yourself for the bullying you suffer, you can be sure that your bullies have conditioned you. Therefore, understand this right now! It’s not your fault!

You are not responsible for your bullies’ behavior. Their horrid actions are a reflection of their choices, not yours. Moreover, you cannot control the behavior of another person. The only person’s behavior you have control over is your own.

So, when you blame yourself for being bullied, you are taking responsibility for the behavior of others, which are things you have no control over.

Do not allow them to condition you to believe that anything beyond your control is your fault! It isn’t!

3. You start feeling like a heel for saying no.

Saying “no” can be difficult and at times, even downright scary. If you’re a decent human being who believes in being civil to your fellow man, the last thing you want is to let someone down. However, there are situations when saying yes to someone else is like saying no to yourself.

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, especially when bullies are trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

But what if your bullies threaten either physical harm or worse social exclusion if you do not comply with their wishes?

Nobody wants to get hurt. The natural human response is to submit and make the pain, torment, or the threat of, stop. In your mind, you’re thinking, “Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you’ll go away and leave me alone!”

Therefore you fall for the false promises that they will leave you be and stop hurting you. BUT!

Realize that bullies and abusers never make good on those promises. The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse.

Why? Because your bullies have benefited from forcing you to say yes. And more than likely, they’ve been getting those benefits for a long time now.

Your bullies never stopped the harassment after all those times you said yes to them before. So, why would they stop now?

Saying no to a bully is never an easy option.

Bullies don’t take no for an answer, least of all from their targets! However, not only is it necessary, it’s essential for self-care!

Therefore, begin saying no, and do it often. However, realize that you can’t change a bully. And if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will), be ready for possible retaliation. And if they do act up, again, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.

The only time you should say yes to bullies is if they pull a gun. Otherwise, stick to your answer.

I’ll grant you that saying no is risky. It always has been. Your bullies may threaten you with the business end of their fists and you may come out of it with a shiner and a fat lip.

However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Again, you must say no, even if it makes others angry.

4. another hallmark of conditioning is when You feel like the biggest wuss on the planet.

You know the feeling. When you know you allowed someone else force you into something you neither wanted to nor agreed to. It left a psychological injury that took a long time to recover from.

You ended up asking yourself, “Now, why didn’t I tell those creeps to take a flying leap off the highest cliff head first?” That feeling of powerlessness can be worse than any physical pain you ever suffered.

 In other words, you blame yourself for not standing up to your bullies or abusers. You think that maybe you’re not strong enough, or this enough, or that enough. This is another sign of conditioning.

However, you must know that your bullies act up not because you aren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at defending yourself.

It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Bullies are abusers and abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims. Therefore, abusers expect the rest of the world to bow down and kiss their behinds and none of that is your fault.

Understand that their behavior isn’t your guilt to carry. Then, begin standing up for yourself and refuse to believe the lies your bullies try to drum into your head.

REPEAT!

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.

5. Your body will feel those icky vibes your bullies are putting out.

In other words. you’ll sense it by feeling that something is “off.” Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

This is, perhaps, the most important sign of all. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, conditioning is soft and subtle in the beginning. So much so that it isn’t noticeable.

However, here’s your first clue: Your body will tell you if you pay attention to it. Your body, particularly, your gut, will pick up on these sickening vibrations your bullies put out.

Many targets of bullying often mistake this feeling for “just having paranoia” and ignore the feeling. But this is the last thing you should do.

Understand that God gave us all that “sixth sense” or, as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason.

Therefore, anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you do not have paranoia and you are not over-reacting. What you’re doing is picking up on that person’s energy. As a result, your inner alarm is trying to warn you about the person and keep you safe.

You must pay close attention to your gut and to other people’s energy because energy doesn’t lie and neither does your gut instinct!

If ever you catch bad vibes off another person, have nothing to do with them. Instead, get as far away from them as you can and as fast as you can! You will save yourself a lot of trouble, I promise!

This post was all about the signs of conditioning to help you to recognize these indicators early on and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Power Statements to Use

10 Signs of Crazymaking and Why Bullies Do It

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crazymaking – a form of psychological attack on someone by offering contradictory alternatives, then criticizing the person for choosing either. (Dictionary.com)

When a bully uses the crazymaking tactic to attack the target, he/she puts the person in a lose-lose situation. It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

For example, a bully may tell a woman she wears too much makeup, looks like a slut, and needs to tone it down a bit. So, the woman goes lighter on the makeup the next day, only to be told by the bully that she’s too barefaced and looks like a nun.

No wonder it’s called “crazymaking” because it can make you crazy if you let it. Understand the bullies do this to jerk you around and maintain their power over you. They have you jumping through hoops to win their approval because they have you feeling that you can’t do anything right.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Understand that crazymaking is covert verbal abuse. To protect yourself from it, you must first learn to recognize it when it happens to you.

A surefire way of identifying crazymaking is by noticing how it makes you feel. Crazymaking can:

  1. Make you feel off-kilter and unsure of how to defend yourself
  2. Make you feel lost and confused
  3. Make you feel blindsided
  4. Make you feel discombobulated or disoriented
  5. Give you mixed signals and messages but make you too afraid to ask for clarification
  6. Make you feel extreme discomfort around the bully
  7. Make you feel jerked around and toyed with
  8. Make you want to walk away from the bully but only leave you frozen
  9. Make you feel bewilderment
  10. Make you feel that something is “off”

PTSD

Make no mistake. This is how your bullies get their kicks. They enjoy this because, again, it gives them a huge rush of power and makes them feel superior to have some sucker bending over backward to win their approval. Understand that this is a game! And your efforts to conform to a bully’s standards are pointless because bullies will only continue changing the rules and moving the goalposts. After all, bullies are notorious megalomaniacs who quickly get drunk on their power.

So, you must know your worth. That means knowing that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standards but yours. You are the only person who knows your likes and dislikes. You are the only person who has the authority to choose what you want, how you want it, what you do, how you do it, and so forth.

toxic brainwashing

Who are they to criticize you? Your life is your life, and you have the right to live it on your terms. Do what makes you happy, and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it.

The only way you’ll be able to battle crazymaking successfully is to have confidence and a strong sense of self. You must know yourself and be secure in yourself. Only then will you have no tolerance for this type of behavior, and therefore, crazymaking bullies have no power over you.