Do you want to know what coercive control looks like? These are the signs you must watch for if you want to stand against it or make your escape.
Coercive control is harmful as it strips it’s victim of freedom and autonomy. As one who has experienced this in the past, I’m giving you all the signs to look out for. These are characteristics that I and many others have seen firsthand, time and time again.
You will learn the exact indicators so that you can decide early on the best recourse to take your personal power back.
After you learn about all these characteristics of it, you will better be able to take back control of your life and protect yourself from any future coercion.
This post is all about the signs of coercive control that every empathetic person with high integrity should know.
Signs of Coercive control
Before we go further, we must know that coercive control happens in all aspects of life. We most often hear of it running rampant between romantic partners and spouses.
Although true, coercive control also happens in school and on the job as well. Moreover, it is the main ingredient of school and workplace bullying and mobbing.
With that said, the first step in getting out of any controlling situation is to know the signs and what it looks like. Here are the signs.
Coercive control consists of behavior patterns that terrorize, punish, and harm its victims.
1. Ultimatums.
Ultimatums are the number one, most obvious sign of coercive control. They always include threats of some form of loss or harm to the victim. Moreover, they are meant to induce terror in victims and slowly chip away their confidence and self-esteem. Bullies use ultimatums to condition victims that they have no other choice but to obey.
Therefore, the goal of an ultimatum is to force the victim’s hand by threatening to take away something important to them. This could be the loss of a relationship, their home, or their children or family. Also, it could be their jobs or entire careers.
In other words, bullies wield power over their target by threatening the loss or harm to anything or anyone the victim loves or deems important.
Here’s an example. An abusive spouse threatens to take the children if the victim even thinks about leaving them.
Also, we have seem this form of control run rampant in the last five years. An example would be during 2020 and 2021, the height of the you-know-what.
It was, “do this within thirty days or you will no longer have your job.” Or it was, “If you haven’t done that within the next two weeks, we will have the state revoke your business license.”
Ultimatums are so insidious and blatant that there should be no question that they’re hallmarks of coercive control.
If people begin giving you ultimatums, know that they are trying to control you. Whether it’s an abusive partner, toxic boss at work, or bullies at school, you must stand against it.
Therefore, you have two choices, either say no and back it up by refusing their demands, or head for the nearest exit. Either way, you make a choice not to be controlled.
2. Physical Assaults and attacks.
Bodily harm is another one of the most blatant and obvious forms of coercive control. Physical beatings are not only designed to harm the victim, they are also meant to induce intense fear in targets and as a tool for bullies to re-enforce their power and control.
Nobody wants to get brutally beaten. Bullies instinctive know this. Therefore, they use the threat of physical harm to get victims to obey their orders.
Therefore, if physical bullies ever attack you, it’s best to defend yourself. You have every right to do so.
If you can’t defend yourself because of size, lack of strength, or physical ailment, get the police involved. At least have them make out a report.
The law may or may not do anything for you. However, if they make a report and you get a copy of that report, you have a paper trail. Also, you have established a history of abuse on the part of your bullies.
Moreover, you should also document each occurrence of physical abuse, even if it happens only once. Remember that documentation of bullying and abuse is admissible in court because it’s sufficient evidence.
You have a God-given right to be free from harm. Don’t hesitate to assert that right!
3. the signs of Coercive control also include Isolating the victim.
When controlling abusers isolate their victims, they do it deliberately to cut them off from any support they may otherwise receive from others.
For instance, abusive spouses and partners will stop their partners from having anything to do with their family and friends. They will talk trash about the other people that love the partner. Also, they will lay guilt trips on their victim for spending time with family and friends.
They will also claim that the other family members and close friends don’t really love the partner and plant seeds of doubt in their minds about them.
Moreover, bullies at school and in the workplace will use smear campaigns to turn the victims friends against them. They will also do everything they can to prevent the victim from making any new friends.
Even worse, they will go as far as to try to turn the victim’s family members against them too, if they can.
Again, they do this on purpose because their goal is to isolate the victim from support networks. This way, they can better keep their victim under their control.
This is why you must stand firmly against this kind of abuse if it happens to you. And if you can’t stand against it, document everything then leave the environment. Leave the company or the town if you must. But, get away fast!
Next, consult an attorney if you can afford it. Lastly, file suit against them if you have sufficient evidence to do so.
4. They watch you closely.
Bullies and abusers will watch you like a hawk! Abusive partners, school bullies and workplace harassers will stalk you online, going through your social media profiles.
They do this to see if they can find dirt on you to spread around.
Abusive partners will scroll through your phone to see if you are cheating or talking to potential mates. They will also text you to check up on you. They will ask where you are, who you’re with, and when you’re coming home.
Also, they will drive by your house to see who’s car is in your driveway, trying to find out if you have visitors. Moreover, they will also try to find out who those visitors are.
School and workplace bullies will also watch your house to find out the same things. These kinds of people have even been known to go through the victim’s trash. And they do this AFTER they follow them home.
And they usually do this while your garbage can is sitting on the edge of the street waiting for the next day’s garbage pick-up.
If possible, set up a home security system and dash-cam for your vehicle. Record these nosy psychopaths. Remember, stalking and invasion of privacy is illegal and you can press charges. You can also sue the pants off them.
However, you must first gather your evidence and enough of it.
5. coercive control can also come in the form of cutting off any financial support the victim may receive.
This form of coercive control happens mostly in relationships between romantic partners and spouses. And when it does, the abuser often prevents the victim from going to work or getting a job.
Bullying partners do this deliberately to keep the victim dependent solely on them for financial support. Thus, making it more difficult to walk out on them and compelling the victim to stay in the abusive relationship.
Moreover, abusive partners may withhold money from the victim to punish them for a perceived slight. In this, they cause the partner to go without food, shelter, or clothing as a punishment. This keeps the victim in line and gives the abuser continued control.
financial control doesn’t only happen in romantic and spousal relationships.
Although this happens mostly in relationships, school and workplace bullies can also exert this kind of control. For instance, school bullies will take the victim’s lunch money. They also may coerce the victim to hand over the money they brought for school pictures and yearbooks. Realize that this is also a form of financial control.
Workplace bullies may cause the company to demote the target, which usually comes with a huge pay cut. They may also deliberately get the victim terminated.
Also, as if that isn’t enough, workplace bullies will also attempt to blackball the target and prevent them for gaining employment anywhere else. Thus, they prevent their target from supporting themselves or feeding their families.
Understand that this is also financial control because it cuts the target and his/her family from any financial support. I know a few people that have endured this and it took a long battle before they were able to overcome it and finally regain financial stability.
In conclusion, it is better to leave the relationship, however difficult it may be, before it gets this bad. Also document, I can’t repeat this enough! Documenting is crucial!
Also, you must document every instance of bullying in the workplace as well. Then, leave the toxic workplace before your bullies have a chance to get you fired. You’ll know the signs early on if you pay attention.
This post was all about the top signs of coercive control to help you to know when it’s time to plan your escape and get out from under it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground