‘Want to know how to choose your friends wisely even if people are bullying you? Here are the exact criteria to go by.
Choosing friends can be especially difficult when you’re a target of bullying. Because bullies have maligned you to others and destroyed your once-good reputation, you may not have any friends at all.
As a result, you can become so desperate for friendship that you may choose people who only come around to take advantage of you. Therefore, it’s essential that you learn how to choose your friends wisely.
In this post, you will learn the exact criteria you should base your choices of friends on.
After you learn which characteristics to look for, you will then be able to choose your friends wisely and shun those who are not healthy for you. Moreover, you will have the courage to give fake friends the boot and wait until better people come along.
This post is all about How to Choose your friends wisely and the criteria you should use when making your selection.
Before we go over the criteria, let’s discuss why people pick the wrong people to be friends with.
It’s normal to respond positively to people who smile at you and those who are or, at least, seem kind and like “nice people.” However, you should never take people at face value because appearances can be deceiving.
Anytime you’re a target of intense and chronic bullying, there will be time when you will feel lonely. Moreover, that loneliness can grow so much until you become too determined to have friends. This will leave you vulnerable.
Consequently, human predators will notice your vulnerability and they will take full advantage of it. But that’s not all.
They may even do worse! They may exploit and weaponize it against you!
Therefore, if people ritualistically bully you every day, it’s imperative that you keep your eyes open and watch out for these types. Also, never allow desperation for friendship trick you into lowering your standards. You must remain selective to keep the creeps away.
Choose your friends wisely: What Characteristics should you look for?
Being selective of your friends doesn’t mean choosing the type who only tell you what you want to hear. You can get that anywhere. Moreover, many people will tickle your ears just to manipulate you or soften you up.
It goes much deeper.
Also, it’s not about how much money or prestige they have- the hot car they drive or latest fashions they wear. Neither is it about how good they look or how popular they are.
It’s all in how they make us feel about ourselves, and the space they give us to grow. Even better, it’s how they help us to grow and vice versa.
Understand that you can’t buy things like honesty, loyalty, integrity, class, respect, and love. The person either has them or they don’t. And there are a lot of people with money and wealth who are as slimy as can be.
Here are the criteria:
1. Do they show up?
Consistency is key in a friendship. Do you ever hear from them? And no, I don’t mean pauses between visits. Sometimes life gets in the way and people get so busy that they go for several months without seeing their friends. However, they still maintain some contact even if it’s through social media.
Therefore, if you don’t hear a peep out of the person you call friend for over a year or two, it’s pretty good guess that you’ve drifted apart. In life, friends do come and go and it’s a normal part of life.
But, when you’re the only one initiating contact, that’s a problem. It’s a sign that you’re making all the investments.
2. Choose your friends wisely: Have they been there for you when the chips were down?
This is a biggie! Supportiveness is crucial in a friendship. If your friends are always there when you’re riding high, then suddenly disappear when you’re flat on your back, that’s a huge red flag.
Don’t settle for fair-weather friends. You only want friends who are there when you’re sick, broke, grieving the death of a loved one, or just having a hard time. These types of friends are keepers because, rain or shine, they’re there for you regardless.
3. Do they have your back when your bullies come calling?
This is another biggie! Real friends will back you up when nefarious people come against you. They’ll protect you from the unsavory types. Fake friends will only bail on you and leave you to fend for yourself.
Therefore, it’s crucial that you be selective. Because, when friends who disappear when you’re in danger, they only prove themselves to be sniveling cowards. What you need are strong and brave friends who aren’t afraid to stand up for you when you’re being attacked.
4. Choose your friends wisely: Do they respect you?
Do they treat you as an equal or do they treat you as if you’re inferior? Do they throw backhanded comments and talk over you when you’re speaking or do they allow you to speak and respect your feelings.
Moreover, do they respect your opinions even if those opinions differ from theirs? And do they respect your time? In other words, do they get angry when you can’t be there right away because you have a sick child or parent?
These are the questions you must ask yourself anytime you’re in doubt about a friendship. Because if they have no respect for you, it’s time to ditch and switch.
This means ditch the friends who don’t respect you and switch to friends who do. And if you don’t have friends who respect you, find some.
5. Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?
When you’re around friends who only tolerate you, you can tell right off. You feel awkward around them because you notice little micro-flashes of resentment. You’ll also notice that you’re always lagging behind the rest of the group because they won’t stop and wait on you.
Also, they make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, they make you feel left out and discarded.
You’ll also notice it in how they look at you and in how different they treat you compared to how they treat the other members. Even more hurtful is the fact that you’re the only one in the group who never gets an invite to any shindigs they may have.
These are all clues that these people are not right for you! They’re a complete waste of your time and energy. Therefore, drop this bunch like a bad habit.
6. Choose your friends wisely: Can you trust them?
In other words, have they ever stolen from you or dated your partner behind your back? This should be a no-brainer. Anyone who does these things is dishonest and lacks integrity. Not to mention, they’re about as loyal as a snake! Time to give them the old heave ho!
7. Do they trust you?
In other words, do they judge you by your good actions and refuse to believe it when bullies and others speak negatively of you? This is super important. Anyone who automatically believes lies and smears about you doesn’t deserve your friendship and you should tell this person to get lost!
This bears repeating! When someone you think is your friend takes a bully’s word over yours, this person might as well be an enemy. Drop them like a hot brick!
8. Are they forgiving?
In other words, do they forgive you after a spat. Do they know that you’re still their friend even if you must go a long time without contact? If so, you have a keeper. If not, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship and make some changes.
9. Choose your friends wisely: Are they good listeners?
In other words, are they there for you when you need to talk? Moreover, do they listen attentively when you need a shoulder to cry on? This is just as important.
If your friends won’t do any of these things, it’s time to decide whether you want to remain friends with them.
In closing:
Selectiveness is important. Although media, politicians, and other talking heads trumpet terms such as “inclusive,” “inclusivity,” and such. However, being selective is not being exclusive.
When you’re selective of your friends, it means that you pick people of integrity and keep out the snakes to protect your peace.
Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means the people who want to see you do good for yourself, the people who point you in the right direction, and the people who remain loyal even when the chips are down.
Associate only with the people who love, encourage and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.
They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. They will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let in your life.
This post was all about how to choose your friends wisely so that you can head off trouble before it comes and protect yourself from future betrayal and heartbreak.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators
2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect
3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot
4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
