Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

March 4, 2025May 26, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know all the effects of bullying on the victim? Here are the symptoms you have if people constantly bully you.

When you endure bullying, especially after a long time, you go through so many emotions. Moreover, you know you must bury those emotions or people will punish you for them.

In this post, you will learn the effects of bullying on the victim. If you’re a victim, you must know these effects so that you’ll be able to express them better to a therapist or to a confidant.

Once you learn about these negative impacts, you’ll be able to talk to someone about it without rambling. You’ll also be motivated to take steps to either stand up for yourself or leave the environment.

This post is all about the effects of bullying on the victim so that you can effectively speak out about it. Also, you can begin doing what you must do to take care of yourself.

Effects of Bullying on the Victim

1. fear

It’s the intense fear you feel but don’t dare show. Moreover, it’s the paralyzing social fear that sets in. It only shuts you down and leaves you withdrawn from the rest of the world.

2. Hyper-Vigilance

Once people have bullied you for so long, you become intensely suspicious of every person you meet. Any laughter you hear, you automatically think, is directed at you. This is no way to live.

3. Pinned up Rage

After people bully you for so long, you become angry. In fact, you become enraged. But you don’t dare show it. Instead, you keep it buried deep, because you know that any show of emotion will bring even more bullying.

Therefore, you constantly keep your emotions in check.

4. confusion and bewilderment

Your bullies’ behavior confuses you. You often wonder what you did to make them so hateful and irate.

Moreover, you know that you should take a stand against the bullies. You know that you should speak out about it, only you don’t know how to do it, and you’re terrified that it will only make things worse.

5. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

unanswered questions

A thousand questions play in your mind several times daily.

“Why me?” “What have I done to these people” and “How do I fix this?” are the questions you have in your head every time bullies surround you and harass you.

Moreover, you know what you want to say to the bullies.

“Look! Leave me the &%$# alone!” you scream inside your head but don’t’ dare say it because you know what’s likely to come next.

6. feelings of loneliness and isolation

When you suffer bullying, bullies smear you to keep you isolated and from making any new friends. At the same time, you automatically put up walls of protection to keep others out.

This only reinforces the separation from others.

7. loss of your entire personhood

In other words, you forget how to smile, laugh, and have a good time. In short, you forget how to connect with and interact with others.

Once bullies have browbeaten you for so long, you lose the vibrant, happy, and healthy person you once were.

Moreover, each insult, each rumor, each physical attack, each joke, and each prank cuts a little deeper. It chips away at your self-esteem, bringing you even lower.

You feel trapped, as if your bullies are holding you hostage!

8. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

Constant Living in Survival Mode

Living in survival mode can make for a hellish life. Sadly, many targets of bullying go through day-to-day life surviving instead of thriving.

Consequently, this can have an impact on your successes with your family and relationships. You’re also likely to lose opportunities for advancement and for friendships.

Living in survival mode can also effect your mental and physical health.

Being stuck in survival mode can rob you of your personal power. Why?

Because personal power is essential to personal freedom. It’s the last vestige of power you have. Therefore, without it, you’re completely powerless.

9. Mental and physical exhaustion

And when you’re exhausted, you’re only running on fumes. You need extra sleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings.

Moreover, you go into work or school at 8am dreading the day. Your butt drags around like an old, tired dog. You have zero energy, and constantly feel sluggish.

Living off raw adrenaline every day is never good. It can cause health problems, such as autoimmune disorders, hypertension, and heart issues.

10. Effects of Bullying On the Victim:

**Instead of living, you only exist.**

Instead of living a purposeful life, you only go through the motions. Circumstances beyond your control force you to only get by.

You have no chance of reaching your full potential and happiness quotient. Therefore, if you feel you can’t reach those levels, you don’t really live.

11. You either don’t have time to think about personal goals or you give up on them altogether.

When you busy living in survival mode, you’ll more than likely give up on your goals. Once you resign yourself, then the goal simply becomes just to survive and get through the day.

If you do think about your goals, those goals are only passing thoughts. Or you wish for your goals to materialize.

But here’s the thing about wishing instead of goal setting. Wishing denotes a spirit of lack instead of the spirit of abundance. A spirit of lack only invites more lack to come into your life.

You must understand that thoughts and feelings become our circumstances. In other words, what you think about, if even subconsciously, comes about.

12. You feel you must lie to people for your safety.

If people target you for bullying, chances are that you don’t like telling falsehoods. In fact, most victims of bullying hate lying! However, they do so out of fear and terror. Therefore, they lie out of self-preservation.

You see, a person who is under the threat of being harmed will do anything to remove that threat. Therefore, if they have to lie to save themselves, they’ll do it.

You must tell lie after lie just to survive! Why? Because you know the truth could get you hurt. So, you lie to make the bullying stop.

Consequently, if you aren’t careful, lying will eventually become a survival method.Moreover, it will turn into a terrible habit that’s hard to break.

13. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

Learned Helplessness

After people have bullied and abused you for so long, you develop a condition called “Learned Helplessness.” In other words, you give up and forego any options you have to make a better life for yourself.

The only things you may know are bullying and abuse. Therefore, if those are the only things you know, you’re likely to stay stuck in relationships that hurt.

Moreover, you’ll probably stay in harmful environments. Why? Because bullies and abusers have conditioned you to believe that abuse is normal. Also, they make you think that it’s all you deserve and are ever going to get.

This happens to animals as well. Here’s a piece from the book, “The Body Keeps the Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M. D.

“Maier and Seligman had repeatedly administered painful electrical shocks to dogs who were trapped in locked cages. They called this condition, ‘inescapable shock.’”

“After administering several courses of electric shock, the researchers opened the doors of the cages and then shocked the dogs again. A group of control dogs who had never been shocked before immediately ran away, but the dogs who had earlier been subjected to inescapable shock made no attempt to flee, even when the door was wide open- they just lay there, whimpering and defecating. The mere opportunity to escape does not necessarily make traumatized animals, or people, take the road to freedom.

Like Maier and Seligman’s dogs, many traumatized people give up. Rather than risk experimenting with new options, they stay stuck in the fear they know.”

In other words, you allow the abuse because you think that there’s nothing you can do about it. Therefore, you give up and stop fighting.

Effects of Bullying On the Victim

In Conclusion:

This is why you must recognize the horrible effects of bullying when you feel them. Moreover, you should never to allow bullies and abusers to drive you to giving up.

In other words, never let these people brainwash you into believing that you’re helpless. Why? Because it will have devastating consequences for your entire life.

No matter how others treat you and how bad things get, you must hold on to your self-belief. And you must do it everything you have.

Also, you must hold on to hope and keep your eyes on your goals and dreams. Only then will you break the hold any bullies or abusers have on you.

You may not physically be able to escape the bullying and abuse. However, you still have control over your mind. You still have a say over what goes into your mind and what you choose to kick out of it.

Know that you have more power than you know. Use it! Realize that you’re worth it and you deserve to live in peace.

This post was all about the effects of bullying on the victim so that you can recognize the symptoms and call them by name if you have fallen victim.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Coercive Control: The Top 5 Signs and How to Escape It

5. The 4 Stages of Bullying

Curiosity vs Nosiness: 3 Must-Know Differences to Learn

March 3, 2025June 18, 20257 Comments

‘Want to know how to distinguish curiosity vs nosiness? Here are all the differences you need to know about.

People often confuse curiosity for nosiness and vise versa. However, the two are very different.

In this post, you will learn all the differences of curiosity vs nosiness to enable you protect yourself from nosy people.

Once you learn these important life-secrets, you’ll better be able to avoid nosy people and bullies like the plague. Moreover, you’ll feel much freer to let your curiosity guide you to learning new things.

This post is all about curiosity vs nosiness to give you the knowledge to know the difference and to help you guard your own personal life against nosy people.

Curiosity vs nosiness

A fellow blogger and wonderful friend, Kym Gordon Moore, posted about the subject on her own blog. You can find her lovely and insightful post here.

So, what are the differences between the two?

1. Curiosity doesn’t violate anyone’s boundaries.

On the other hand, nosiness does.

In the words of Kym Gordon Moore, “Being nosy is prying into other people’s business, meddling, being intrusive, and snooping, oftentimes gossiping about what they find out,”
“…curiosity is more of a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and not about poking your nose in other people’s business for annoying reasons.”

Her statements were spot on, and I couldn’t agree more!

2. Curious people and those who are nosy do things differently.

In other words, a curious person doesn’t invade others’ privacy. A curious person is more interested in educational information. Therefore, they want to know more about how things work. They could care less about the personal lives of other people.

On the other hand, a nosy person will pry into your personal and private business. Moreover, they do it to get dirt on you to spread around.

A curious person will study educational materials. They won’t stick their nose into your business. However, a nosy person will snoop through your mail and your computer. If they can get access to all your social media passwords, don’t think they won’t do it.

Understand that bullies are such people. Why? Because they’re always and forever on the hunt for damaging information they can use against you.

3. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Nosiness is invasive. Curiosity isn’t.

Nosy people will ask you questions about your personal business. Nothing is off limits to them because they love to make your private business theirs.

Moreover, if you refuse to answer, these people will claim that you have something to hide.
However, understand that this is how your bullies trick you. They use that line to coerce you into giving up the details.

What’s even worse is that you may feel compelled to tell your business just to keep from looking as if you are hiding something. Therefore, you cave in and go against your better judgement.

Again, you only answer the bullies’ questions, just to prove that you don’t have anything to hide and consequently, get yourself into trouble.

So, if you ever find yourself in this predicament, know that your refusal to answer isn’t about having anything to hide. It’s about some things just not being anyone else’s business. Therefore, realize that you have just as much right to privacy as the next person.

Bullies will also accuse you of being nosy when you’re only trying to learn something new.

For example, this happened to me when I was a teenager. During History class, we were studying about World War II. I asked the teacher how it was that the German people fell for Hitler’s lies and all the news propaganda they were being fed.

For some reason, this angered many of my bullies, who were in class with me and they accused me of being nosy. Unfortunately, I fell for the lie and let it have a negative impact on my learning.

Therefore, it’s so important to learn the difference between curiosity and nosiness. Knowing this difference will make you able to counter bullies and busybodies with confidence.

Also, you’ll be able to confidently defend yourself any time some snake accuses you of being nosy when you’re only trying to become more educated on a certain topic.

4. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

They have two different meanings.

Curiosity is a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and broadens one’s education. It includes reading, researching, studying, observing, and listening for information that can make you more intelligent and help you grow.

Moreover, curiosity is non-invasive and non-intrusive. It does not seek to violate personal boundaries nor to cause harm.

Nosiness, on the other hand, is prying in other people’s personal business. It includes meddling, snooping, asking personal questions, and eavesdropping. Nosiness is invasive and intrusive. It seeks to violate another’s personal boundaries and to cause harm to them.

Therefore, learn these differences by heart and you will be better able to counter bullies in any of the above-mentioned scenarios.

5. Curiosity seeks to help. Nosiness seeks to harm.

You may have a nosy classmate who’s never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life. Maybe you deal with the workplace gossip who never shuts up and always seems to know your business before you do. You might even have a spying neighbor across the street who forever peers through her window to see who’s coming and going at your house.

Whatever the scenario, these kinds of people can be a real hemorrhoid if you’re the type who only wants to be left alone and live in peace.

However, here’s the silver lining to having nosy neighbors. If you have a burglar breaking into your house, the nosy neighbor will be the first to see it and call the cops. Therefore, in those cases, thank God for nosy neighbors because they do serve a great purpose!

However most nosy people have no inhibitions when it comes to prying. They’ll ask you how much you get paid at your job. They also try to find out the cost of your rent or mortgage? And when they do, it’ll likely shock the daylights out of you.

However, you don’t have to answer these types of questions. You can politely tell them that they’re was getting too personal. Or, you can say that you don’t share such private information with anyone, not even your family members.

And when you do, they won’t like it. However, that shouldn’t concern you. You have a right to maintain your privacy.

Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Why do bullies pry into your private business?

These types of people have a lot of nerve. The questions they ask will make you cringe! They often leave you scratching your head because you just can’t believe anyone would be so brazen.

However, there’s a reason why bullies ask you these types of questions. They do it strictly for power.

In other words, their gossip, butting-in, and having a constant nose stuck in your life is a form of attempted control. Bullies will often ask you these kinds of questions to embarrass or humiliate you.

Therefore, anybody who openly asks you such questions has no respect for you and you should deal with them accordingly. Also, because they can’t seem to control their own lives, they wish to control yours. And they do it for nothing more than to cause an annoyance or embarrassment.

People who are nosy will watch you closely and eavesdrop on your conversations. They always have an ear cocked. Around them, the walls have ears.

On the other hand, those who are curious will read a lot, they’re study, and they’ll ask questions that do not violate anyone’s privacy.

How should you respond to nosy people who ask questions they shouldn’t ask?

First off, don’t let it upset you if a bully or anyone else has the audacity to ask you anything about your private business. Instead, just laugh and make fun of them. And while you’re laughing and making fun of them, enjoy it!

Understand that bullies have more nerve than a bad tooth. Therefore, expect them to pry into your business. Moreover, expect them to openly ask you personal, even embarrassing questions.

You might as well prepare for it now because people like these are everywhere!
Nosiness tends to be generational and run in families.

Many nosy folks were raise by parents who were the same way. Some even had mothers and grandmothers who would tell them to watch others and report back to them.

Therefore, blow them off and wave them away like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your face.

Don’t get angry with them. Just shake your head and pity them. Because it’s these types who really need to get a life and often don’t have one. Or, if you’re a smart-ass like I am, take the opportunity to have a little fun with the person. Just catch it, throw it back at them and shame them with it.

And why not? They asked for it.

On the other hand, you should admire someone who’s curious. Why? Because they don’t intrude. They only have a desire to learn and grow.

This post was all about curiosity vs nosiness so that you’ll be able to tell the difference between the two and use the information to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

4. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

March 1, 2025March 1, 20258 Comments

‘Want to know why people with ASD are bullied for being autistic? Here are all the answers you need to know, especially if you’re on the spectrum or have a loved one who is.

Sadly, those on the Autism Spectrum suffer THE highest rates of bullying. What most people with someone with ASD in the family don’t understand is why their loved one gets bullied so much and so often.

In this post, you will learn the exact reasons people target those on the spectrum for bullying, persecution, and oppression so that you can easily and confidently call it out when you see it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to stand up for your loved one and call out any bully who dares to exploit them in any way.

This post is all about people who are bullied for being autistic. Moreover, it’s about the reasons bullies love to target those on the spectrum and how you can call this insidious and cowardly form of bullying.

Bullied for Being Autistic

Sadly, most people with autism are doomed to a life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they often live a lifetime of loneliness and isolation. Here’s why bullies love to target the autism community.

1. Those on the Autism spectrum aren’t able to read social cues.

This makes them easy targets for predators, particularly, bullies and abusers. When a person isn’t able to read social cues, it’s as if they’re walking blind.

Therefore, the victim may not know when they’re in danger. In other words, they may not be able to tell or to sense when someone is evil and means to hurt them.

This is because the victim on the Autism spectrum isn’t able to read facial expressions and body language. And when you aren’t able to read non-verbal communication, bullies can easily pick up on it.

As a result, bullies will take full advantage. For example, many people on the spectrum are lonely and long to make friends. In fact, they are desperate to have friends.

Bullies pick up on this desperation. Therefore, they will often pretend to be friends with the victim with autism. Moreover, while these bullies put on this fake act to trick the AS person into trusting them, they only mock and ridicule them in front of other people.

They do this to make a fool out of the person and humiliate them.

After this happens enough times, the person with ASD will isolate themselves. Why? Because they’ll grow afraid of relationships and friendships, thinking that other people just aren’t safe.

People who pretend to be friends with you to get close enough to hurt you can shatter your faith and trust in humanity. Therefore, you isolate yourself. You may even resign yourself to a life of isolation.

Therefore, we must teach those on the spectrum to read nonverbal communication, listen to their intuitions, and recognize evil people when they meet them. Again, these skills can be taught!

Let’s teach those with Autism Spectrum Disorder these skills!

This happens in the workplace too.

Adults with Autism often suffer social exclusion and are ostracized by their coworkers. Also, supervisors and managers may exploit them.

Again, being on the autism spectrum dooms many people to a sad and lonely life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they don’t really live, they only exist.

2. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often Have Difficulty Asserting themselves properly.

In other words, when bullies provoke them, one of two things usually happen. They either don’t stand up to them at all or they fly into a rage.

Not standing up for yourself can give others the impression that you’re a doormat. Moreover, people see that there are no consequences for their bullying behavior. Therefore, they think it’s okay.

On the other hand, flying into a rage can make the person with autism seem mentally unstable or dangerous. Therefore, this is another reason they’re more susceptible to bullying and abuse.

3. Those on the spectrum are known for having meltdowns.

Bullies may witness them having meltdowns and think it’s funny. As a result, bullies begin to see the victim with autism as a source of free entertainment.

Therefore, they may deliberately try to provoke the victim with autism and get them to react so that they can get their jollies.

Here’s another thing bullies may do. They may also use the meltdown against their autistic victim. For instance, they may use it as confirmation of mental instability.

Moreover, bullies may also use the meltdown to make it look like the person with ASD started the altercation and make themselves look like the innocent victims.

And lastly, bullies will use the meltdowns as a distraction from their own bad behavior.

In other words, if the other person’s behavior is worse and over the top, then, who are you likely to look at? The bullies’ behavior or that of the person who’s flipping out because the bullies provoked them?

Sadly, people use those with autism as the perfect cover for their own abuse and bad behavior. I’ll do another post on this later.

4. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often have poor eye-hand coordination.

In other words, those with autism often struggle with clumsiness. This is because they have poor depth perception and judgement of distance. Also, they usually have poor balance.

Therefore, bullies see them as easy targets for physical bullying. Add that to the meltdowns and rages those with autism are known to have and others only think that the bullies are the innocent victims when, in fact, the opposite is true!

This is what makes them easy targets for physical bullying.

5. Those with Autism often have trouble making eye contact.

Anytime someone has difficulty making eye contact, bullies automatically see this as a sign of intimidation and low self-esteem. Therefore, this is a hallmark of an easy target.

Poor eye contact signals fear and bullies thrive on their victims’ fear. Always remember that!

6. Most People with Autism are in the special Education Class at school.

Kids in sped classes get bullied terribly because most others presume them to be “ret4rded.” Those with autism are no exception.

Therefore, other students see anyone who is in the sped classes to be of lower social status. And bullies will bully them because of it.

7. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People with Autism are Different.

The dark side to human nature dictates that anyone who is different should be excluded from the social group. We know that they should be included and that we should accept those who are different.

However, bullies don’t think like we do and sadly, the majority of bystanders don’t either. People tend to gravitate toward and take care of those who are most like them. Therefore, it’s sad to say that those on the autism spectrum may never fit in with the neurotypical majority.

This alone makes them prime targets for bullying. Therefore, we need to be proactive in protecting them from bullies.

In conclusion:

Sadly, those in the autism community are the most vulnerable and least valued in most schools, companies, organizations, and communities. It’s a grim reality that we all need to be aware of.

Furthermore, they are, for the most part, defenseless. The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of society and even members of authority do not see people with autism as human beings.

Should it be any wonder bullies prey the most on sped students, those with autism, and anyone who is disabled? It’s because bullies are great big cowards. All too often, those with autism are unwilling or unable to defend themselves effectively.

Because students with autism are usually low on social intelligence, bullies can exploit them at will.

Bullied for Being Autistic:

**Even teachers aren’t above bullying students on the spectrum.**

I’ve witnessed, firsthand, a group of cliquey teachers laughing at and mocking sped students. And these people were supposed to be adults!

These cruel educators would look down their noses at these kids and openly ridicule them!Moreover, I also heard the mean-spirited comments.

The teachers remarked about how these kids would never find a job nor contribute anything to society. They also concluded that they would only be a drain on the taxpayers’ money once they got out of school.

I have to tell you. Just listening to those remarks made me sick to my stomach! How I wish I’d had the guts to stand up for those students when it happened!

However, I was only seventeen and a student myself at the time. I knew to keep my mouth shut because these bullies were teachers.

Every school and workplace has those types of teachers and managerial staff. Moreover, they are usually the ones who mistreat lunch ladies and janitors as well. It’s a crying shame!

This is why we need upstanders who aren’t afraid to stand up for these people. However, sadly, upstanders are only few and far between.

Therefore, we also must teach these victims how to stand up for themselves.

This post was all about those who are bullied for being autistic and why bullies do it so that we can call these bullies out when we see it happen.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

3. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

4. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

how to deal with friendship betrayal reddit

How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal: 6 Tips You Should Know

February 27, 2025February 27, 202512 Comments

‘Want to know how to deal with friendship betrayal? Here are several ways to do so that you need to know about.

Victims of bullying are most susceptible to betrayal by those who masquerade as friends. Why? Because they’re vulnerable. Moreover, this vulnerability comes from the intense longing for friendship.

Predators know this. Therefore, many victims of bullying end up attracting abusers and users who only exploit vulnerability for their own ends.

In this post, you will learn how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can confidently cut ties and come away from it with your dignity intact.

Once you learn all about these life-lessons, you will be able to better protect your dignity and self-esteem from being ravaged by predators, bullies, and fake friends.

This post is all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can love yourself enough to walk away from friendships that hurt and raise your self-esteem.

How to Deal with FRIENDSHIP Betrayal

At different times in our lives, we’ve all experienced friend betrayal. Someone we thought was a friend did the unthinkable.

It’s bad enough to get played by an enemy. However, it’s something you expect from a foe.

It hurts much worse when you’re screwed over by a friend because you trusted this person. You may have even loved them. Again, you expect things like this from an enemy, but never a friend.

Therefore, when an enemy strikes against us, it’s much easier to deal with. However, when it’s someone we trusted and thought highly of, the pain is much worse. In fact, it can be devastating.

Once someone you trusted has betrayed you, it can be hard to trust anyone else who comes into our lives. And this goes for even those who may be sincere. When we meet new people thereafter, we proceed with caution and regard others with suspicion. This isn’t good either.

Why? Because, when we allow a past betrayal to cause us not to trust, we only push away those who may be sincere. We, in a sense, give the creep who betrayed us power over our future relationships.

In fact, you believe that anyone who smiles at you has an ulterior motive. Therefore, you keep them at arm’s length. You allow the fear of being hurt cause you to push others away. As a result, your relationships suffer.

Here are healthier ways to deal with friend betrayal.

1. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Never Give The Person Who Betrayed You Power over your Future Relationships

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of risks. In fact, everything we do comes with risk, whether it’s going for a walk or driving to the supermarket.

However, you wouldn’t stop driving because of the chance of having an automobile accident. And you wouldn’t stop going for a walk because of the chance of getting mugged.

So, why would you refuse to meet and make friends because of the chance of them betraying you? Again, life’s full of risks and you can’t allow fear to stop you from living. You must live life and you must live it to the fullest!

Therefore, continue to meet new people and make new friends. Never allow the creep who betrayed you to have power over your future relationships. In other words, don’t let betrayal cause you to distrust humanity and shut new people out! That’s a recipe for misery!

New people will come into your life and you must give them a chance. Don’t make them pay a debt they don’t owe.

2. When a friend betrays you, look at it as a revelation.

If they blow that chance, it’s on them. Moreover, they only reveal their true colors.

However, continue to give new people a chance. Continue to take the risks.

The point is this. Anytime a so-called friend betrays you, they show you who they are. Therefore, the best you can do is to drop the person and move on to someone who’s deserving of your time. Understand that your time and your company are valuable.

Moreover, you shouldn’t waste it with some chump who doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. So, ditch and switch, baby!

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

IT Isn’t the Bullies Who hurt you the most, it’s those you thought were your friends.

Again, bullies are people you expect to do bad things to you. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions comes as no surprise.

What hurts more than anything is the betrayal– when those you think are friends so quickly believe the lies and rumors your bullies spread. And they seem to do it without question.

The pain of it is akin to being kicked in the stomach. Moreover, your so-called friends never have your back. Some may even the power to stop the bullying and protect you.

But, for some reason, they refused and only threw you under the bus.

What it’s like to have true friends

Friends are the people who believe the best of you. They have your back any time someone attacks you. Moreover, they’ll speak on your behalf when another person badmouths you behind your back but in front of them.

Even better, they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

However, many victims of bullying have friends who don’t really accept them. They only tolerate them. Therefore, instead of sticking up for them, they’ll go along with the bullies. They’ll believe the lies about you, without bothering to ask you first!

Get away from these people. Fast! Because they’ll only sell you out!

How to Deal with Friendship betrayal:

Would you rather be harmed by a bully or someone you think is a friend?

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with. Why? Because, from a bully, you expect nothing more.

However, it’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think highly of. When everyone bullies you, you’ll often keep fake friends around because you think they’re the only options you have. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Because bullies have turned everyone against you and made it difficult for you to make friends, you may feel that you can’t afford to be selective. That you must settle for the friends you have, even if they treat you like you’re last choice.

I say this from experience. The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small.

I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers. We haven’t had enough life-experiences yet.

3. Be concerned with quality of friends, not quantity.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends. However, they don’t realize that real friends are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

Why? Because they’ll have your back. They’re the people who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions.

4. How to deal with friendship Betrayal:

When you meet new people, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Wonder if you’re going to like them.

When you meet a new person for the first time, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Start wondering whether you are going to like them. This is how you place value on yourself.

Begin choosing who you let in and who you give the boot. If a friend betrays you somehow, stop having anything to do with them. Then keep it moving.

Betrayal in any form is a deal-breaker and you must handle it by telling the traitor to hit the road.

5. Know what you want in a friend and don’t settle for anything less.

Anything less than what you want is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue you should look for. If the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy of your time!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who believe falsehoods about you, then get angry and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were!

Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

You may ask, “Well, if they never were my friends, why did they stick around?”

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And if that’s the case, why would you settle for someone’s pity?

Here’s another possibility. Maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves. You were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

Therefore, if you have friends who don’t stand with you. In other words, if they fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life.

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

6. Be willing to be alone until better friends find you.

You’re better off without them. You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while.

Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be overly suspicious, only nonchalant.

Why? Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you. They’ll try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

Moreover, they will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things. Also, they’ll find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? To report back to your bullies with.

Here are ways that you can pick up on peoples’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you.

Just do it without looking like you’re watching. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment. This is how you’ll read the room. Moreover, you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room, if there is one.

2. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context.

Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with their words, background, or the situation, ditch these losers! If they show even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes.

There are always those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. If they do realize it, they’ll give those when they think you aren’t aware of it. You can’t afford to miss these giveaways!

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong. However, there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. Even the best fakers have no control over these little tells. So, if you look for them, you’ll see them.

For example, when you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you’re not imagining things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet.

You can tell a lot by the feet! The person might be talking to you and facing you. However, if their feet are pointing away from you, they aren’t the friend you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person.

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the meeting and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking

if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt. Also, they may be trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for

Things you should look for also include, a furrowed brow, one corner of the upper lip slightly raised or an icy, piercing stare. Also notice if the person is smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes).

If you see any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away

Also a sign of contempt. Therefore, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly. Don’t reveal information that’s better off private.

Also, don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for eavesdroppers

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Also, don’t talk near corners or open doors.

Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Therefore, be alert when people walk by.

If you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and they aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

In Conclusion:

How you handle friendship betrayal is to get rid of the so-called friend who betrayed you. And do it without explanation.

Now, many fake friends will notice when you stop associating with them. Moreover, they’ll come ask you why you won’t talk to them. Then you can tell them why. But tell them in as few words as possible.

However, expect the person to gaslight you. Why? Because it’s what most fakes do once you get wise to their BS.

But don’t fall for it. Stuck to your guns and have no more to do with them. Then be willing to be alone for a while until you meet and befriend better people. Have faith. Better friends will come along. I promise!

This post was all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can move on with dignity and self-respect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

2. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

February 24, 2025February 22, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know the difference between target vs victim of bullying? Here’s why the words you choose have the power to determine what you are.

Are you a target or victim? If people have made you an object for bullying, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? Also, could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat?

You may not know it. But, maybe, your voice and your very being are powerful? So powerful, it scares them to death?

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference of a target vs victim so that you can know which category you fall into and how to empower yourself.

Once you learn this important information, you will be prompted to make a few mental changes and feel more powerful.

This post is all about how to distinguish between target vs victim of bullying so that you can decide which one you’d like to be.

Target vs Victim

Which one are you?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power. In other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Victim mentality only hurts you. It is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you defeated and oppressed. Therefore, it keeps you a “victim.”

1. The term “Victim” Breeds Laziness.

Why? Because it keeps you in the mindset that you are powerless to do anything about your situation. Therefore, if you feel powerless, you’re least likely to try.

Powerless means that, no matter how hard you try, your situation will remain the same. So, you’ll see no point in putting in the effort to bring about change. And you’ll become to lazy to even try.

Therefore, you’ll only resign yourself out of hopelessness and learned helplessness. Resignation can only bring laziness.

Why? Because, when you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality. And you do so by making your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes.

All this requires that you take risks and face the possibility of failure. And yes! It’s scary!

However, you must create your own happiness and your own power. Whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

2. Target vs Victim:

The word “Victim” keeps you dependent.

In other words, when you’re a victim, you’re at the mercy of someone else. Moreover, it means that another person has to come rescue you. Here’s where dependency comes in.

Therefore, you must be your own hero. When you’re bullied, the only person you can depend on is you! Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to ensure our own safety, happiness, and successes.

3. The term “victim” reeks of inferiority.

When you view yourself as a victim, subconsciously, you feel inferior. It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person and that’s wrong!

Therefore, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! You have more power than you know. Therefore, you can change your situation.

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

You’re not a victim. Yes, you may feel like a victim. But are you really?

This comes from personal experience.

The memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying). However, was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. However, I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours.

Being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But, one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to turn you against yourself.

Why? Because that’s what they want and you deserve better. Much better!

Therefore, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope.

Target vs Victim:

Which would you rather be?

Many people are under the assumption that being a target and being a victim are one and the same. However, they’re quite different and have different meanings.

Notice the difference in the actual meanings between the terms, “target” and “victim.”

A target is a mark you aim at- as in a shooter aiming his gun at targets at a gun shooting range for practice.

A victim is a person or animal who others kill and sacrifice. When someone is sacrificed, they assume the blame and punishment for the sins and shortcomings of others.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Words have enormous power- more so than most realize. Therefore, stop using the word “victim” to describe yourself. Use the word “target” instead.

Being a target is much more empowering than being a victim.

4. There’s no power in being a victim.

A target can defend themselves, whereas, a victim cannot. A victim is powerless to do anything about their situation. There’s no power nor dignity in being a victim.

However, when a person is a target, they maintain some power and dignity. In that, they lessen the impact of the bullying on their mental health.

Therefore, if you can change the way you view yourself and see your bullies exactly for who and what they are, they will have little control over you. Moreover, you’re less likely to allow their words and behavior to get into your head.

Target vs victim:

A target is a mark. a victim is prey.

In other words, a target is a person chosen by bullies as a perceived enemy to attack. On the other hand, a victim is a person bullies harm, oppress, and destroy.

The word victim says that you don’t stand up for yourself. You only capitulate. But the word target says that, although people attack you on a regular basis, you don’t give into fear. Moreover, you stand up for yourself no matter what it may cost you.

Your Choice of Words Can Have Consequences You Don’t Realize

When you view yourself as a victim, you give your bullies exactly what they want. You hand them power over your life.

You, in a sense, surrender yourself. Consequently, you will most likely to suffer physical and/or psychological damage.

On the other hand, when you see yourself as a target, you won’t acquiesce. You’re least likely to take the bully’s behavior personally. Moreover, when you have a target mentality instead of a victim mentality, you buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

Therefore, you salvage your overall mental health. You maintain your personal power. And ultimately, you take control of your life and refuse to allow anyone to make you, their victim.

For example, I’ve witnessed both in movies and in real life, incidences of bullying where the bully would tell the target, “I’m going to make you, my bitch!” In other words, his victim.

This should give you a better understanding of why you should see yourself as a target rather than a victim. Because you are nobody’s bitch! Nope! You’re no bitch at all! You are a fighter, a warrior, a lion!

5. Target vs victim:

Victims surrender. Targets keep fighting!

Realize that your bullies’ goal is to control you. And if you see yourself as a victim, you weaken yourself. Thus, you play right into your bullies’ hands. But when you see yourself as a target and refuse to become a victim, you refuse to allow them to take control over your life.

Therefore, you keep fighting. You stand up for yourself. You may get knocked down, but you don’t stay down. Therefore, you always get back up again.

You’re a Target, Not a Victim!

It’s not my intention to minimize any suffering you’ve endured at the hands of your bullies. Bullying hurts, no doubt about it! And I feel your pain.

So, know that everything you’ve gone through is real. Your story is valid and worthy to be told and heard.

However, I want you to understand this. If you’re the object of bullying, you are a target, yes. However, you don’t have to be a victim.

Victims are scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. Targets refuse to be.

Think about it, victims accept responsibility for things they have no control over. They take blame for evils they never committed nor took part in. And when they carry these burdens that aren’t theirs to carry, they end up paying debts they don’t owe.

Here’s an example. A bully blames his target for his own anger, insecurity, jealousy, and incompetence. And it comes out in the bully’s behavior when he bullies that person. Then later the bully and others may gaslight the target when he speaks out.

Another example would be that a rapist wants to make their rape target responsible for their own sexual frustration. Then, later, the target is presumed to be at fault for the rapist’s behavior by the defense attorneys in court.

However, instead of accepting the blame, both of these people continue to stand up for themselves. This is target behavior.

Victim behavior would be if they surrendered and accepted blame for their tormentors’ behavior.

target vs victim:

A Target Endures Bullying but Refuses to Become a Victim

Sure, people hurl blame at targets just as they do at victims. However, the difference between a victim and a target is that the victim accepts the blame.

Moreover, he blames himself for what happened to him then spirals downhill into depression, regret, and self-hatred. On the other hand, a target refuses to accept the blame because he knows with every fiber of his being that his attackers are the ones in the wrong.

He sees his attackers for the cowards they are. Therefore, he sees the incessant gaslighting as proof that they’re full of shit. Moreover, he understands that they’re only trying to cover their butts to keep from being exposed.

A target won’t allow his attackers to make them a victim!

‘You see? It’s all in how you see yourself. And how you see yourself is determined by the inner dialogue you have. In other words, the words you use have ways of shaping the way you think.

Moreover, the words you speak to yourself are the difference between living in heaven or hell. In other words, they determine whether you have self-love and acceptance or depression and self-loathing.

Words also decide whether you continue to stand strong despite the attacks and pain bullies inflict, or whether you succumb to them.

Therefore, you must see yourself as a target but never a victim!

This post is all about the difference of target vs victim so that you can distinguish between them and chose to empower yourself no matter how difficult bullies make things for you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

February 20, 2025February 20, 20257 Comments

‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode. Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school, opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

benefits of self-respect in relationships

Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

February 18, 2025February 18, 2025Leave a comment

‘Want to know all the benefits of self-respect? Here are eighteen life-changing things that happen when you begin treating yourself well.

Having self-respect can gain you so many advantages in life. It allows you to create the life you want because you know you deserve it. Moreover, others can sense when you have respect for yourself. Therefore, they’re more likely to treat you better.

In this post, you will learn all about the benefits of self-respect and how it can change your life for the better.

Once you learn all these amazing advantages, it will prompt you to treat yourself better and be more choosy of the people you let in your life.

This post is all about the benefits of self-respect and what you must do to treat yourself better.

So, what are the benefits of self-respect?

Self-respect or self-worth is acknowledgement of your own value. In other words, you know your worth and the good you bring to this world and to the people around you.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to assert your value, your interests, and your right to exist. This means that you also stand up for your right not to be harmed. You know with every fiber of your being that you have dignity and are just as good as the next person.

We show that we have self-respect by what we put up with from others. Therefore, if you put up with shabby treatment from others, you have less or no self-respect. Other people will notice and they’ll begin walking all over you.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to stand up to those who try to mistreat you and set boundaries, than you have lots of it and others will also take notice and they’re likely to treat you well.

You understand that you teach others how to treat you. Therefore, you don’t take any crap from anyone because you believe you deserve better.

And, it is because of this belief that you won’t accept bad treatment from anyone and aren’t afraid to cut a few people out of your life if they keep it up.

This means you have self-respect. Therefore, when you have it, you reap the following benefits.

1. You Have Confidence.

You’re not afraid to live life on your terms and you don’t settle for less than what you want. You have confidence in yourself and in your abilities.

Moreover, you have confidence in God and know that he put you here for a great purpose!

2. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You have Independence.

You do your own thing and aren’t the least bit concerned with how people think about it. Also, you make your own choices and trust those decisions!

You live your life fearlessly and on your own terms! Now that’s what you call freedom!

3. You have Healthy Self-esteem.

You know you’re not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Therefore, you’re completely okay with all your flaws, shortcomings and imperfections.

Moreover, you hold yourself in high regard and refuse to let anyone chip away at your self-esteem. You love yourself. Therefore, you know who you are and what you deserve.

4. You enjoy Better Relationships.

Because you respect yourself, others also respect you. Because you have boundaries, others are least likely to cross them. Therefore, you have better relationships with others.

5. You’re Not afraid to set Goals.

You set goals because you believe in yourself and know that you can accomplish them. Moreover, you realize that the going may get tough and you may have to trudge through a few valleys.

However, you know your own strength. You’re tenacious. In other words, no matter how rough things get, you’ll refuse to give up and that you’ll reach those goals eventually.

6. You set boundaries without fear or guilt.

When some bully tries to cross a boundary, you’re real quick to tell them to back up. You refuse to accept vile treatment from others.

Gaslighting and manipulation will not work on you because you see them as they happen. Therefore, you’re able to shut them down before they have any effect on you.

As a result, bad people will think twice before crossing you and they’ll go find another victim. Even better, others will take notice of it and they won’t try any funny business either.

7. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You live a Healthier Lifestyle.

When you have self-respect, you also have respect for your body. Therefore, you feed it healthy foods rather than junk that will only make you sick and shorten your life.

Moreover, you exercise regularly and keep in shape.

8. You aren’t afraid to take risks.

When you want something, you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to get it. In other words, you’re willing to face rejection in sales. However, that won’t stop you.

You’ll only move onto the next potential buyer until you make the sale.

9. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re more likely to have success at work.

Because you respect yourself, your bosses and coworkers are also more likely to respect you. Also, they’ll more likely give you opportunities for promotion and bonuses.

10. You don’t settle for less than what you want.

You know what you want and what you deserve. Therefore, you won’t take anything less.

It may take a while, but you will eventually get the thing you want because you won’t give up on it. You believe you can get it. Therefore, you go for the prize!

11. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You don’t allow Yourself to get sucked into drama.

Respecting yourself means protecting your peace from those who wish to disrupt it. So, when some troublemaker starts any drama with you, you won’t have time for it.

Therefore, you’ll only either quietly dismiss them or you’ll tell them to F all the way off and keep it moving.

12. You’re selective of the people in your life.

You only want positive people in your life. In other words, you only want to be around those who lift you up and bring positive vibes.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to kick out the Negative Nancys and Debbie Downers who only drag you down.

You understand that life’s too short to deal with drama. Therefore, you aren’t afraid to eradicate it from your life.

13. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You say no without apology.

You have boundaries and you know that saying no is how you maintain those boundaries. Therefore, you say it without guilt or apology. Why?

Because you understand that no is the most powerful word in the English language. It’s how you live your life on your terms.

Moreover, you understand that holding your boundaries is an ongoing and never-ending thing.

14. You know who you are and you’re okay with it.

In other words, you allow yourself to make mistakes and you don’t toil over them. You view mistakes as the best teachers and understand that they’re how you learn powerful lessons.

Moreover, you don’t allow anyone else to define you. In other words, if bullies and abusers try to convince you that you’re a nobody, you understand that they can’t possibly know you better than you do.

Therefore, you dismiss their drivel and keep feeling good about yourself.

15. You believe in yourself.

You know in your heart that you have the ability to make shit happen. Therefore, you work hard to achieve your goals and dreams without letting any roadblock or setback stop you.

And you don’t stop until you attain those goals and dreams.

16. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re happy and at peace.

Best of all, you’re happy and at peace with yourself. Though you may have some days when you may feel a little down, in general, you’re a happy person. Why?

Because you know that although things may look bleak today, things will be much better tomorrow. Therefore, you have hope for better things to come. And you strongly believe that life will work itself out.

17. You don’t need anyone’s approval.

You’re perfectly fine with the person you are and don’t need validation from anyone else. You know that your own approval is all you need besides that of those who love you.

Moreover, you understand that not everyone will like you and you’re okay with it because there are people that you can’t necessarily care for either.

In other words, you know that life doesn’t depend on who does or does not like you. You have enemies as everyone does and you’re okay with it. Why?

Because you understand that enemies can be a reflection of your virtues and not your shortcomings.

18. You have the ability to cope.

You realize that things go wrong and that it’s all a part of life. Therefore, you have the ability to cope with it and even accept it when adverse things happen. You respect yourself enough to keep in mind that things do eventually get better.

This post was all about the benefits of self-respect and what you can do to treat yourself well and grab some of those advantages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

5. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

February 17, 2025June 18, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know all about standing up to bullies and what happens when you do? Here’s how bullies react when you stand up to them and why you should feel good about it.

In movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

However, you should feel good about it because, when they act out, your bullies are only revealing themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about standing up to bullies and how they react when you finally do. Moreover, you will learn why you should welcome their reactions and how those reactions expose bullies for who they are.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be able to speak out confidently and handle it properly when your bullies react.

This post is all about standing up to bullies and everything that comes with it.

Standing up to Bullies

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and I understand completely. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk. However, it’s often worth the risk and you end up thanking yourself later.

Just the same, you need to know what to expect once you’ve had enough and decide to take a stand.

If people bully you left and right, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back to you.

Neither will they bow out of your life gracefully. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over you. Why? Because, without that power, they feel lost.

Realize that bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. And since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way left to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Here are the tactics bullies use when you stand up for yourself:

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will do the following:

1. They will gaslight you

Bullies will add their spin to it. In other words, bullies will try to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They might accuse you of being too sensitive. Moreover, bullies may tell you, “I didn’t say it,” or “I didn’t do that.” They may even refer to you as “uppity.”

Understand that all this is designed to make you question yourself and feel like the villain. Therefore, learn how to recognize gaslighting when you hear it and protect your mind.

2. Standing up to Bullies:

They will lay guilt trips

In other words, your bullies might bring up a past favor they did for you. They may say, “after all I’ve done for you, this is how you thank me?”

Your bullies may not have done anything for you. Moreover, if they did, they only did it for obligation points they can use later.

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign

Bullies are experts at this. By recruiting followers to spread rumors and lies, your bullies use numbers to discredit you. Why? Because the more people they get to say bad things about you, the more likely stranger are to believe them.

They will also try to turn your friends against you. I say this from first-hand experience. Bullies did the same to me many times.

Moreover, it always came as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my rights to defend myself.

Therefore, expect your bullies to malign you to others. And know that they’re only retaliating by trying to destroy your good name and credibility.

4. They will turn your friends against you

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering. In other words, they attack your relationships. And they do this to isolate you by turning everyone against you.

There’s another objective to this as well. Once bullies turn all your friends against you, then, they can gather intimidate details about your life and weaponize them.

Think about it. Your friends likely know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would be the ones to know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to bullies.

5. Standing Up to Bullies:

They will project their shortcomings onto you

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

In other words, your bullies accuse you of the same rotten things they themselves are doing.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” or “Don’t look at me. Look at them!”

7. They will use Physical Violence.

If none of the previous six tactics work. They will use physical violence. However, they only use this as a last resort because bodily harm is the most detectable form of bullying.

Let’s break it down some more here.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

In other words, if your bullies can no longer have power over you, they will start smear campaigns and try to turn others against you. Understand that they do this to isolate you from everyone.

Bullies use these strategies to cover their backsides. Moreover, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself. And thirdly, they do it to close you off from any possible help or protection.

Once the bullies isolate you, they then move in for the kill. Now, they can do whatever they want to you. Moreover, they can do it freely and with impunity.

Why? Because if everyone is against you, the least likely they are to report the bullies or stop them from abusing you.

Remember, your bullies have succeeded in turning people against you. Now, no one can stand you. Therefore, in the minds of others, you deserve the abuse. You’ve got it coming and you’ve had it coming!

Therefore, hell will freeze over before anyone lifts a finger to help you. And this is exactly the outcome your bullies have been counting on.

Figuratively, Your bullies want to hold you hostage.

And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you on emotional lock down. This is how they keep you in your place.

Standing Up to Bullies:

Physical violence is usually a last ditch effort at power and control.

Sometimes, exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and smear campaigns fail to do the job. Or, they may lose their effectiveness and no longer have the impact your bullies intended for them to have.

Therefore, your bullies will then resort to physical violence. The physical violence will go one of two ways:

Bullies will commit the bodily harm themselves.
They will send someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

So, be strong. Be brave and know that none of it is your fault.

The Power Dynamic Shifts In Your Favor the Moment You Stand Up to Your Bullies

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately take your personal power back. At the same time, you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

In simplest terms, you flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle it when you stand up to them. Because they feel that they must always be in the position of power.

Standing up to Bullies:

Bullies can’t handle being stood up to by those they deem beneath them.

Bullies get angry enough when anyone stands up to them. However, if that person happens to be someone they deem inferior and who they’ve grown accustomed to abusing, this is when they really lose their marbles!

This is because you’re most likely on the bottom of the pecking order. And when you finally buck up and grow a backbone, you figuratively trade places with the bullies.

Therefore, you automatically put them on the bottom of the pecking order, if only for that moment. This is what the bullies can’t handle and it’s why they explode with rage.

Their unspoken message is:

“How dare you!”
“Who are you to stand up to me!”
“You’re supposed to be under me and here you are talking and acting like you’re OVER me!”
“The nerve!”
Who do you think you are!”

Bullies rely on force to get what they want from you.

In other words, they depend on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion. Bullies have been steamrolling people and getting what they want from them for a long time. In fact, they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve become arrogant and self-satisfied.

Therefore, when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and put your foot down, you can bet that it’s going to throw them off. And do you know what else it’s going to do?

It’s going to blast a huge hole in their ego. Moreover, it’ll shock the bejeebers out of them. Then the bullies will become highly PO’ed. In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll more than likely go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

If the bully is a person with narcissism (and most bullies are), they will go into narc*ssistic rage. And trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere around when this happens.

Standing up to Bullies:

Stand your ground but be prepared for anything.

It’s best to be prepared. Expect the unexpected.

When you finally grow a spine, expect your bullies to do anything to break it. Therefore, they escalate the bullying when you stop taking their crap.

Bullies have very delicate egos. Moreover, bullying always involves ego. So, any time you tell them to go kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority. Even worse, you put them into an inferior position and they know it.

In other words, bullies are very prideful and their pride takes a huge blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than to be made inferior, especially to a little peon like you.

Therefore, be prepared for a battle because your bullies will become vindictive. They’ll seek revenge and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

It doesn’t matter if your bullies were the ones who started it because, to them, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.

In other words, don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. Furthermore, they don’t care that you only want to be left alone.

The only thing they are thinking at this moment is that you challenged them. You are a target and nothing more. In other words, you are beneath them. And you had the gall to undermine their (perceived) authority and superiority.

The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Keep Standing Up for yourself, no matter what!

In other words, if your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

Don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

You can do it! I believe in you!

This post is all about standing up to bullies, what to expect when you stand up to them, and why you should continue to stand firm no matter what.

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship (And How to Cut Ties)

February 15, 2025February 7, 202533 Comments

‘Want to know the 10 signs of a toxic friendship so that you can decide when it’s time to end it? Here are the signs you must recognize.

Because bullies have caused others to turn against them through smear campaigns, most victims are friendless. Moreover, they stay that way for long periods, which is why many victims of bullying take up with unsavory people and end up in toxic friendships.

Having been there myself, I’m giving you the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that I’ve personally witnessed firsthand.

You will learn exactly what they are and what they look like so that you can cut ties before your so-called friends have a chance to do any lasting damage.

Once you learn all ten signs of a toxic relationship, you will be better prepared and ready to end the friendship and save yourself from any future heartbreak.

This post is all about the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that every victim of bullying should know about.

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Many targets of bullying are bullied and excluded so severely for so long that they become desperate for any crumb of friendship. Notice I say, any crumb of friendship.

In fact, they’ll latch on to anything that even looks like friendship. However, looks can be deceiving.

Victims of bullying can very easily get in with the wrong people- people who only tolerate them. Moreover, these people will treat them like dog crap on the bottom of their shoe and leave them feeling even worse about themselves.

Fake friends often send mixed signals which leaves these victims confused. Therefore, they often stay in toxic friendships.

Sadly, these targets will do everything they can to hold onto these unhealthy friendships. Why? Because they feel they have no other options.

So, what are the signs that you’re friends with A toxic person?

1. Your friend turns hot and cold.

These types of people will be sweet as pie one day and mean as a snake the next. This quickly becomes a pattern.

Also, during their cold periods, they won’t tell you what’s wrong when you ask them. They’ll only continue the coldness and may seem like they’re angry at you for something.

However, see this for what it is. It’s a deliberate act to keep you confused and off balance. Moreover, it’s designed to manipulate you and keep you hanging up to them.

Yes, this happens in dating relationships but can also happen in friendships too.

Therefore, don’t let it confuse you. Realize that the person isn’t really a friend and you must drop this person and find better friends. Why? Because true friends never turn hot and cold toward you. They are as real as they come.

If a true friend is angry at you about something, they’ll tell you straight up. On the other hand, a fake friend will only lie to you or give you a vague answer to keep you confused.

You must understand that you deserve better friends. Anyone who plays these kinds of games doesn’t appreciate the value you bring. Therefore, they don’t deserve a seat at your table and it’s time to walk without looking back.

Before we go any further, I understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re targeted for bullying. I understand the feeling of being friendless and it sucks…royally!

However, with friends like those, you don’t need enemies. So, technically, you’re already lonely anyway. You can do just as bad by yourself.

Therefore, you must ditch these creeps for your own mental health! You might have the courage to be alone for a little while. But sooner or later, better friends will come along. Give yourself a chance.

2. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.

A true friend would respect your decisions, even if it is the decision not to join them in something. This goes especially when they ask to to do something that could be harmful to you or another person.

In fact, a true friend would never put you in harms way nor would they allow you to do anything illegal or harm another person. Therefore, this is your cue to ditch and switch, baby!

3. They never have your back when your bullies come for you.

This is a big one and it’s a deal breaker. If a so-called friend either disappears or throws you under the bus whenever you’re in trouble, it’s a surefire sign that this coward isn’t your friend.

Get rid of this wimp, fast! Do you really want to be friends with some spineless wuss-bag who disappears and can’t be found when the fit hits the shan?

4. They give you shabby treatment.

And when they do, they don’t seem to care how they hurt you. Again, you deserve better. Therefore, this should be a no-brainer. Show them the door…fast!

5. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend is constantly getting offended or mad at you and you don’t know what you did wrong.

In other words, you are constantly having to apologize to for things you don’t know you did wrong, or aren’t guilty of. Moreover, you do it just to keep the peace.

Here’s another example. The friend wants to be with you when no one else is around. However, when others’ are around or you’re in public, it seems as if they don’t want anyone to see them with you.

Therefore, it’s time to give this person their walking papers.

Again, I understand that nobody wants to be alone. We’re human beings. Therefore, we’re all wired for human connection, togetherness, and belonging.

However, you can be just as lonely around a group of friends who don’t value you. So, if you’re going to be lonely anyway, at least have a darn good reason for it.

6. The friend seems possessive of you and wants to keep you all to herself.

This happens mostly with female friendships. She will get angry if she sees you talking to another friend of yours. Moreover, she may treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl.

If you have a friend like this, chances are that she will smother you with wanting to hang around…all the time. This isn’t good either. The last thing you want is a clingy friend. You have a life and she needs to get one.

Therefore, you have two choices. You can either tell her (and tell her with gently and with kindness) that you have other priorities too or continue to put up with her childishness.

If you tell her that you have other friends too and that doesn’t work, it’s time to pick a new friend who won’t hang on to you like static cling.

7. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell them what your plans for the future are.

You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Granted this may be true, given that it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries. However, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try.

Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

But be cautious with this one. Your friend may be saying this because he feels he needs to protect you from any future disappointment. However, most say these things because they see your potential and fear that you may actually succeed and leave them behind.

Only you can judge these things.

8. They ridicule you for having a goal or dream.

You dream of one day becoming an actor and your friend(s) make fun of you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn. Therefore, they make you feel lousy when they do this.

You deserve friends who encourage you to go after your goals, not those who’ll tear you down.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. Moreover, you must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away.

9. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They’re resentful of your successes.

It sucks, yes! But a lot of so-called friends get jealous when you’re successful at something. Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, maybe they trivialize your accomplishment. Again, when this happens, that’s when you know it’s time to make tracks.

10. They only come around when they need something.

These people are everywhere. They come around only when they know you can give them something and disappear when you’re the one in trouble. Therefore, you deserve better friends than these.

Get some standards and find friends who don’t use you.

In Conclusion:

If you’re having any of these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends, then find new friends. You owe it to yourself.

How you cut ties is by stopping all contact. You don’t have to explain anything to them. Just stop having anything to do with the bad friend. It’s that simple.

Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. Moreover, you deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve people who value you and don’t want to lose you.

However, you must value yourself first. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. Guaranteed!

This post was all about the 10 signs of a Toxic friendship so that you’ll know when it’s time to bail and kind better friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

February 13, 2025January 11, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know the 5 things to never do with a bully? Here are the top five mistakes you should never make with bullies so that you make yourself less vulnerable to them.

The last thing you want is to give your bullies any ammunition they can use against you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the five top things to never do with a bully.

Once you learn all about this super-important information, you will be able to make yourself more bully-proof and keep them from trashing your self-esteem any more than they already have. Moreover, they just might end up seeing you as a lost cause and move on to an easier target.

This post is all about the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can preserve your right to be left in peace.

5 Things to never do with a bully

1. Never Apologize to a Bully.

For anything! Ever!

You must understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

You’ll get over it.
You’ll be alright.
By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
It’s no big deal.
This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

2. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never Compliment a bully.

Trust me, bullies, especially the arrogant and puffed up type, get their boots licked enough.

They get false compliments and fake sympathy from their sycophants daily. How do you think they got so sickeningly full of themselves? Compliments should only be handed out to people who deserve them.

I learned this the hard way when I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

I remember seeing a girl in the cafeteria at lunch, and she was wearing a lovely dress. Naturally, I told her that it was a beautiful dress and that I liked it. And I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it.

However, it only fueled her arrogance. She only sneered at me and said,

“I know. So what? Nobody likes you, and you think kissing up changes things?”

You can imagine how heartbroken I was.

Few things uplift a person like a sincere compliment, which comes from the heart. However, a bully will only take your heartfelt compliment and steamroll you with it. They will only wipe their butts with it, then throw it back at you.

They may accept anyone else’s compliment. But if it comes for you, your bullies will only see it as ass-kissing.

Realize that a bully will only see it as confirmation that they are better than you. A bully will also think that you’re only trying to suck up to them to get them off your back.

A compliment to a bully is nothing more than an ego boost. And why not? Again, bullies are used to having most other classmates or coworkers bow down before them.

Moreover, it’s an opportunity for them to rake your dignity over the coals.

Instead, be the one who gives these life-suckers and happiness thieves a healthy dose of the real world. Be indifferent toward them- like you just don’t give a crap about them.

They may get angry because they may think people owe them allegiance, but you won’t give them the wrong impression. And, most importantly, you’ll walk away with your self-respect intact.

3. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never admit anything to a bully.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, bullies won’t give you margin for error. Therefore, it’s best never to admit any error’s in front of them.

4. Never share Secrets in the presence of a bully.

If you’re a target of bullying, understand that they’re just looking for any chance to reveal any embarrassing information about you. You must realize that they hate you and all they want to do is hurt you.

Even if the information is innocent, like watching a slasher film, it’s better to keep it to yourself. Therefore, this is a no-brainer. When people bully you, it’s just best to guard your secrets with your life!

5. Never reveal any of your plans.

This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying. Many people trumpet their goals and dreams.

Moreover, they announce their plans without realizing what ramifications it can bring. And, if you’re a target of bullying, all the more reason why you should keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself. Therefore, work quietly.

Understand that any time you broadcast your objectives, you place yourself at risk of others sabotaging you and trying to derail your plans.

Furthermore, your bullies are just waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own person failures and shortcomings.

Moreover, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior to reach success and overshadow them.

5 Things to Never Do with a bully:

Your success is a threat to your bullies’ power.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

Why, because it’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! You force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight!

Understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration and when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. They will make a barrage of accusations. Also, they’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back in the shade.

But see through it and stay above it. They only do it because you’ve threatened their power. And when bullies face the threat of losing their power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

In other words, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities.

5 Things to never do with a bully:

Two More Bonus Answers

1. Never try to Prove Yourself to a bully

Yes, I added a sixth answer as a bonus. You should never try to prove yourself to a bully. Ever!

Bullies don’t deserve for you to expend so much effort to prove anything to them. Why? Because they’re not worthy of your best. Only the people who truly love you, uplift you and are proud of the person you’re becoming deserve that.

Only the people who have your back and are in your cheering section are worthy of the kind of work you put in.

‘You see? Bullies are the type of people who must have a target. In other words, they must have power over someone, anyone, or they end up feeling inadequate and useless (but aren’t they already?).

Bullies have an insatiable hunger for power. If they don’t have it, it drives them nuts.

If you’re a target of bullying, you only try to prove yourself to those who could care less either way. Moreover, you’ll be on an endless and futile quest. You’ll end up wasting precious time, which is time better spent focusing and working on you.

Understand that no one can prove themselves to a bully. It’s impossible because bullies only see the negative in others. They never have anything positive to credit anyone but themselves.

In fact, the better, stronger, smarter, braver, and more awesome you are, the more threatened your bullies feel. Therefore, the more they’ll attack you to tighten their grip on your life.

The Only person you have anything to prove to is yourself.

Bullies hate strength, they hate smarts, and they hate any positive quality in anyone else but them. Moreover, they especially despise them in the person possessing them is their victim, if their good points surpass theirs.

To a bully, control isn’t just about forcing you to do what they want. It’s about controlling your mind- your thoughts, attitudes, and preferences. In short, it’s about controlling your life and having the power to ruin it.

It’s about having the power to break you and wear you down. Bullies get off on that power. And when you consistently bend over backward to prove yourself to them, all it does is show them that they still have power over you.

Because, if they didn’t already have it, you wouldn’t be trying so hard. In fact, you wouldn’t try at all because you wouldn’t give a crap what they thought.

Remember! You have nothing to prove to anyone other than yourself.

2. 5 Things to Never do with a bully:

Never Pander to them

I’ve seen so many victims non-victims pander, or, in laymen terms, suck up to bullies. Bullies can intimidate and threaten you. No doubt about it!

Therefore, anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? No. Here’s why.

1. It wouldn’t change things. Therefore, when you pander, you only give away more of your personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet.

And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. In other words, you may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

5 things to never do with a bully:

Pandering Only makes you feel worse later.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?”

Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is counterproductive in the end. However, start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. It’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

What’s the best way to handle a situation like this?

You handle it by simply staying above it- by not reacting to the bullies’ foolishness. Moreover, you deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.

Put simpler, just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

In the meantime, continue to work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers. Therefore, the less roadblocks you will run into along the way.

And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it. Even better, you can give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

5 Things to never Do with a Bully:

In Conclusion:

Remember that you’re the target. Bullies and everyone else will see any of the above five behaviors as sucking up.

Moreover, when you do any of them, you only reveal possible weaknesses and leave yourself vulnerable. Therefore, it’s best to stay way away from these behaviors.

Realize that any time people target you for bullying, everyone will automatically expect the worst from you. Why? Because, sadly, people despise victims of bullying.

And no, it may not be justified. It may not be fair but neither is life. It is what it is and you must do everything you can to make the best of it. Avoiding these behaviors is how you make the best of it.

This post was a lesson in the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can keep the bullying you suffer to a minimum and spare your dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

Relational Aggression: 12 Must-Know Reasons Bullies Use It

February 11, 2025February 10, 202519 Comments

‘Want to know what relational aggression is and how bullies use it to destroy you? Here are all the details about it, what it can do, and how you can protect yourself.

“Don’t Associate With Her!”

It’s bad enough when bullies mistreat you themselves. However, when they set out to prevent you from becoming friends with others besides them, that’s even worse.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what relational aggression is, what it consists of, and why bullies use it against you.

Once you learn all about these bullying tactics and the harm they’re meant to cause, you will have a whole new understanding of it and how you can protect yourself against it.

This post is all about relational aggression and all that comes with it so that you can more effectively defend yourself against it.

Relational Aggression

Social and relational bullies are like obsessive exes who won’t allow you to move on from the hurt. You know the type- an ex who claims they don’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

Therefore, they deliberately try to isolate you to wield power over you. Moreover, they want to make you believe that you need their approval to have friends who love you. In that, they want you to believe that you need their say so to live a happy life.

Here are the reasons bullies use this type of aggression.

1. To isolate you

Again, bullies want to isolate you from others. Why? To induce feelings of loneliness and alienation in you.

Moreover, they want to lessen any chances that you might get support and protection from others. Bullies know that if they succeed at this, they can bully you any time they feel like it.

Put another way, isolating you means that they can more safely continue, even escalate their attacks. If the bullies can turn everyone against you, then, again, you’re least likely to get support, and others will less likely hold them responsible for their behavior.

2. To instill shame in you

Another goal of these type of bullying is to instill shame in you. ‘You see? If bullies can cause you to feel shame, they can then make you believe you somehow deserve for them to bully you.

Therefore, you have less chance of fighting back or reporting them to authority.

3. Why Bullies Use Relational Aggression:

To get back at you for a real or perceived slight

Many times, bullies use relational aggression to get revenge on you. Bullies have fragile egos and are too easily offended.

Therefore, whether you meant the offense or not, your bullies will turn others against you to punish you for offending them.

4. They’re jealous of your good relationships with others.

Bullies always feel the need to compete with you (and everyone else). Therefore, if you have lots of friends and allies, they may be jealous that you have more friends than they do.

Moreover, they may also be jealous of your confidence, charm and charisma. Therefore, they have an intense desire to knock you down a peg or two.

5. For gratification and satisfaction

Lots of times, bullies do it just for the satisfaction of seeing you under stress or alienated from everyone. In fact, they get gratification in seeing you suffer. Period!

To some, this may sound a little far-fetched. However, there are a lot of sadistic people in the world and bullies can be the most sadistic.

6. Bullies Use Relational Aggression To Silence You

Think about this. If bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, the least likely others are to believe you when you report bullying.

Therefore, if no one believes you after you’ve spoken out a few time, the more likely you are to just give up, clam up, and not say another word about it.

And you’ll think, “what’s the point in speaking when no one listens to anything I have to say?” Therefore, you’ll soon feel you have no other choice than to stay quiet.

Bullies instinctively know this and you’d better believe it’s exactly what they’re counting on.

7. To have the freedom to bully you anytime they want

Again, if your bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, then they can succeed in isolating you. And once they isolated you, then they can bullying you at will. Why?

Because no one will help you and might even get enjoyment out of watching your bullies drag you through the mud. Therefore, who are you going to speak out to about what’s happening to you?

Therefore, there will be nothing to stop them.

8. For protection

If your bullies can turn people against you, then they have protection from any accountability. Moreover, if you try to defend yourself and stand up to them, others will more than likely take the bullies’ side and protect them.

9. Bullies Use Relational Aggression For Confirmation that you’re worthless

Your isolation would serve as confirmation that you really are a terrible person and completely worthless. Remember that bullies want to be right about you. Therefore, they can’t handle any proof that they just might be wrong about you.

10. to get favor from others

In turning others against you, bullies have more of a change of garnering favor from them… against you. Therefore, these people will serve as just another tool for them.

11. immunity from consequences

If everyone hates you, chances are that they’ll enjoy seeing you get bullied. Therefore, they won’t hold anyone who bullies you accountable.

12. power and domination over you

Once bullies succeed with their relational aggression and turn others against you, you are powerless. Therefore, your bullies have all the power to dominate you. And what can you do about it?

Therefore, these dozen reasons are the rewards your bullies reap from the use of social and relational aggression.

What are the tools of relational aggression?

1. Gossip

Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about your character and private life. Moreover, it has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace.

The purpose of gossip is to control your social status by demoting you on the social hierarchy. Another purpose of gossip is to justify any punishment you suffer.

And they justify it by promoting a collective view that you don’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.

Consequently, once you’re deemed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!

2. Rumors

Rumors are only stories about you without proof of fact. However, they pack a mighty punch because, if people want to believe it, it will be taken as truth.

Unlike gossip, which is shared between two people, rumors are spread over a town, company, school, or organization.

Rumors can either be made up, or they can start from a tiny grain of truth and grow bigger.

Therefore, rumors are another tool in the relational bully’s toolbox.

3. Another tool in Relational Aggression:

Smear Campaigns

Smear campaigns have a goal. They are deliberate attempts to damage your reputation and public image by spreading lies and malicious tales about you to defame you.

Also, during a smear campaign, bullies recruit many others to keep it going. Thus, the smear campaign is the most potent weapon in the relational bully’s arsenal.

Relational aggression goes through stages. Here’s the process:

1. First, your bullies watch you closely.

Relational bullies start by carefully observing you. They keep track of you to find out who you associate with, who you date, even who your family members are. Moreover, they dig up information about your life.

2. Once your bullies find out who you associate with, they cozy up to them and begin Telling them bad things about you.

When they find out who your friends are, they then drop subtle suggestions to them about you. They may tell your friends little white lies about you.

However, they may also take a more obvious approach and threaten them with harm for having any more to do with you. Bullies will also mistreat your partner and even go after your family.

Remember that bullies thrive on fear, and their goal is to isolate you and make you more vulnerable. Therefore, they do this by cutting you off from any possible sources protection or assistance.

3. During the third stage of relational aggression, They watch and wait as, one by one, friends slowly begin turning against you.

Once the rumor mill begins to do your bullies’ dirty work for them, they will watch and wait while gradually escalating the bullying.

However, they may make sure to keep things moving along by telling your friends that you’re saying terrible things about them behind their backs. Moreover, they may bait you into altercations.

Also, they may slyly instigate an altercation between you and a few of your former friends.

4. Once your bullies have succeeded in alienating you from everyone, they bully you freely and with impunity.

In other words, your bullies can bully you without limitations. Bullies can also keep you silent about the abuse. Moreover, you no longer have anyone to confide in about the abuse.

Therefore, you’ll likely suffer in silence. Why? Because you won’t be able to talk about the bullying without getting rebuffed or ridiculed.

Knowledge is power. Therefore, get wise to your bullies and relational aggression. It’s the first step in protecting yourself.

This post is all about relational aggression so that you can recognize it when it happens and take steps to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

2. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

4. A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You

5. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

“You Ain’t Shit!” – 5 Reasons Why Bullies Tell You This

February 10, 2025January 8, 20254 Comments

“You ain’t shit” seems to be the most common go-to attack for bullies. ‘Want to know why they tell you this? Here are the most common motives behind the statement and how you should re-frame it to buffer your self-esteem.

Any time you show some confidence, it will make your bullies feel uncomfortable. Why? Because it will threaten their power over you. Moreover, if you score a win or accomplish an achievement, your bullies won’t like it. Therefore, your bullies will say something to cut you down to size.

Their favorite go to attack is to tell you that “you ain’t shit.”

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly why your bullies use this phrase. You’ll also learn how to use context to buffer your self-esteem against it and how to counter it.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will better be able to brush it off when bullies use this statement.

This post is all about why bullies like to tell you that “you ain’t shit,” so that you can re-frame it and use it to raise your confidence.

“You Ain’t Shit!”

Introducing Rev. Aldtric Johnson

This post was inspired by Minister Aldtric Johnson of the “Be Blesstified” blog. He is a talented blogger and this is a must read for anyone who is a target of bullying.

Not only is his post packed with truths that we don’t often think about, but it’s also loaded with good humor! I can tell you that not only did I learn a few things, but I was in stitches as I read it! So please take the time to read the post below, you’ll be so glad you did!

In the words of Pastor Aldtric Johnson:
“This is a much too common insult in our culture, and yes, the bad grammar is always intentional…

“You ain’t worth s**t! Of course, implying that someone doesn’t have the value of feces, crap, refuse, doo-doo, dung, ‘ish’. It can be very hurtful if you allow it, especially if you are insecure or struggle with self-esteem. Or, if it’s told to a child by a parent, authority figure or peer.

It’s damage can last well into adulthood. So, let me give you a little ammunition with biblical support in case someone ever tells you, “You ain’t worth shiggity!”

**Even Sh*t has value.**

God created everything with value. Everything! Even doo-doo! We all know that there’s an industry built around the use of animal dung to make mulch and fertilizer.

Why? Because God put purpose and power, even in poop. Not only does it have value, but great value. People pay good money for a sack of s**t at Home Depot and Lowe’s.

God, in His wisdom gave waste the power to make things grow…so even waste doesn’t have to be wasted.

But, let’s look at the bible. There, we find the ‘S’-word was used for two ‘F’-words…both FERTILIZER and FUEL. Not only did they use it to grow their food, but they used it as fuel/coal to heat their food too.

When Bullies Tell You, “You ain’t Shit,” Look up these Bible verses on the value of crap:

Luke 13:7-8 (NKJV)
⁷Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ ⁸But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it.

Ezekiel 4:15 (NKJV)
¹⁵Then He said to me, “See, I am giving you cow dung instead of human waste, and you shall prepare your bread over it.”

So, don’t get it twisted. God has value for dung. He has a purpose for poo, and He has a purpose for you.

Feces is used to diagnose illnesses, research for cures for disease, and do scientific research. There’s value in doo doo!

So, if anybody ever tells you that “You aren’t worth s**t,” tell them thank you! Tell them of it’s value. And then, remind them that if they ‘ain’t’ working God’s purpose for their life, tell them “S**t is worth more than you!”

Aldtric Johnson’s Blog – Be Blesstified

Now, here’s my take on it.

So, Why do Bullies Make the “You Ain’t Shit” Statement?

As mentioned earlier, bullies use this statement to cut you down to size. And they do it anytime you win at something and others either announce it or tell them. Also, they may tell you this anytime you show pride in yourself. Also, they do it anytime they overhear you sharing your successes with others.

So, why do bullies spew this ratchet statement?

1. They’re threatened By Your Confidence

Realize that your confidence will always threaten your bullies. Moreover, your bullies will only see your confidence as arrogance. And they will call you arrogant for the sole purpose of shaming you for it to get you to tone it down.

Moreover, they may even call you this to tear down your confidence and demoralize you. Realize that confidence is your first line of defense against bullying. And this is why bullies want to destroy it.

2. To Erode Your Self-Esteem

If you have healthy self-esteem, your bullies won’t be able to tear you down as easily. Therefore, they throw subtle digs and zingers to chip away at your self-esteem.

Look at self-esteem as an invisible fortress. In order for an enemy to invade and take over, they must destroy the fortress first. It’s the same with bullies. They must destroy your self-esteem before they can invade you and take over your life.

Therefore, they begin by subtle verbal taunts to soften you up.

3. Why Bullies tell you, “You Ain’t Shit”

To Assert Superiority over you

To assert domination over you, your bullies must first cut you down to size. Bullies want to be superior to you. Therefore, they will make this statement to feel more powerful and to make you feel powerless.

4. To Humiliate you in front of others

Have you noticed that bullies will usually tell you this in front of an audience? Understand that they do this to humiliate you and to entertain others at your expense.

Bullying is hurtful enough in private. However, it’s several times worse in public, when there are others around to see it.

5. To Put you in your place

When you succeed at something, bullies consider it an affront to their power over you. Moreover, your win only reminds them of all the things they failed at.

There are reasons why bullies discourage you. And they do it deliberately. Realize that your bullies are more aware of your potential than you are and they are jealous of that potential.

Moreover, these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your confidence and try their hardest to make you ashamed of it so that you’ll tone it down a little.

Bullies know that if they can convince you that having pride in your win is arrogance, they can fool you into suppressing your confidence. In that, they can steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any accomplishments you make will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people aren’t happy. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people do you see sitting or standing around putting others down? Therefore, realize that when they tell you, “you ain’t shit,” they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

And they tell you these things because they want you to believe it! Moreover, they want you to live up to it!

Realize that this phrase usually comes from jealousy.

So, how do you counter your bullies when they tell you, “you ain’t shit?”

Simple, you let it go in one ear and out the other. Or, you can do as Rev. Aldtric Johnson suggested, you can tell them, “thank you.”

Also, look at the context of it. Did you win at something? For example, did you finally accomplish a goal that you’ve worked hard to attain? Did someone give you recognition for a job well done? If so, feel good about it and laugh at your bullies.

Why? Because they’re only saying these things out of jealousy and to keep from feeling inferior to you.

Are you a confident person? Maybe your bullies are jealous of your confidence.

Again, just look at them, smile, and say, “thank you.” Then watch your bullies seethe, knowing they didn’t get the reaction they wanted from you.

This post was all about why bullies tell you, “You ain’t shit,” so that you’ll know where it comes from and buffer your confidence against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

4. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

5. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

what happens when you set boundaries in a relationship

What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

February 7, 2025February 3, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know what happens when you set boundaries? The good and the bad? Here are several things that come about when you finally stand up for yourself. Also, you’ll feel better knowing that the good vastly outweighs the bad!

Setting boundaries is always good because it promotes respect among people and makes for a polite society where peace and harmony can exist.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when you set boundaries. Moreover, you will learn the good and the bad tasting (but good for you) results.

Once you learn all about this useful and important information, you will feel more compelled to set boundaries and take back your right to live in peace.

This post is all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can gather the courage to establish your own boundaries and take back your peace.

What happens when you set boundaries?

When you establish boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself that protects you from abuse. But first, lets discuss the good results.

1. You get to know yourself better.

When you set boundaries, you become much clearer on what you will and will not tolerate. Moreover, you become more familiar with your likes and dislikes. Thus, you get to know yourself better.

2. Your self-esteem will improve drastically

Once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll feel as if you accomplished a huge feat. Because, you will have!

Anytime you set boundaries after you’ve spent so much time not having any, you discover that you’ve made a huge step in taking back your autonomy!

Therefore, your self-esteem will get a huge boost and you’ll feel so much better about yourself. The people who care for you will say, “Look at you! You did it!”

You finally got sick of other people’s bullshit and put your foot down! Moreover, you stood up for yourself and told a few creeps where they could stick it!

That would sure make me proud of myself! And it will you too!

3. Toxic people will slowly disappear from your life.

Bullies and other such losers may challenge your boundaries at first. However, if you continue to stick to your guns and hold firm, they will, over time, give up and move on to an easier target.

Therefore, you’ll take back your peace and live a much happier life!

4. What happens when you set boundaries?

Your overall mental health will improve.

This is because, in setting boundaries, you protect your overall mental health. Therefore, the more you do this, the better for your psychological well-being.

Moreover, your mind will continue to improve over time the longer you continue to keep those boundaries in place.

5. You’ll be more selective in who you allow in your life

In other words, you’ll keep the bullies and abusers out of your life and only invite people who are positive and uplifting. Even better, you’ll do this without apology nor guilt because you’ll know without a doubt that you deserve better.

Now, before we go on, I realize that, in today’s society, people preach and squawk about “inclusion.” However, when people are bullying and abusing you, inclusion shouldn’t even come into it!

And this goes no matter what race, gender, religion, or orientation you or your bully or abuser may claim.

Abuse is abuse no matter who it comes from or who it’s aimed at. Therefore, you have every right to exclude from your life anyone who treats you like a doormat. You have a duty to yourself to protect your peace at all costs!

6. You’ll have more time for your own priorities.

In other words, you’ll make time for your own needs because you won’t allow users to take up so much of your time with their problems. Therefore, you’ll have more time for self-care and to pursue your own goals, priorities, and interests.

7. What happens when you set boundaries? You’ll be more determined not to go back to BS.

Once you taste a life free of bullying and abuse, you’ll be even more determined never to go back to being a doormat. Therefore, you’ll be more compelled to keep your boundaries in place and not allow anyone to stick so much as a toe over them.

You’ve been on both sides of the fence. In other words, you know what it’s like to have people shit on you every chance they get.

On the other hand, you’ve also discovered what it’s like to be treated well. Therefore, you’ll choose the side of greener pastures and never go back to the old life.

What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

6 Tactics Toxic People Use When You Finally establish limits

In movies and television, victims can stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, this is not reality in most cases.

However, don’t let that stop you. Think of it like this. When you’re sick, you must take medicine. The medicine may taste downright disgusting. However, you still must take it if you want to get well and return to optimal health.

It’s the same with setting boundaries. You may endure a lot of discomfort at first. However, you’ll thank yourself later!

With that said, you must realize that bullies and abusers will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back over to you, nor will they bow out of your life gracefully.

Remember that human predators have an insatiable need to wield power over others, and without that power, they feel lost.

Why? Because bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. Also, since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Make no mistake about it. Once you begin setting boundaries, they will do the following:

1. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and toxic people will gaslight you.

They’ll try to convince you that you’re in the wrong or that you’re becoming unhinged. Understand that they do this to make you doubt yourself and keep allowing them to abuse you.

They may tell you that you’re imagining things or that you’re just too sensitive.

Therefore, don’t fall for this bullshit! Don’t allow them to add their spin to make you feel like the bad guy. Know that you’re in the right and continue to stand firm.

2. They will lay guilt trips.

And they’ll do it by trying to convince you that you’re selfish or self-centered for not allowing them to mistreat you. Therefore, understand that bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Stick to your guns, no matter what they say!

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign.

Human predators may recruit followers to spread rumors and lies about you. These people will malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility.

Moreover, expect this to happen many times. Why? Because bullies and abusers are relentless. They don’t give up so easily.

They’re also vindictive. They will do these things out of retaliation for your having the gall to stand up to them and assert your rights.

But don’t give up! Keep your boundaries in place!

4. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and abusers will try to turn your friends against you.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by dividing and conquering. In other words, they try to isolate you by attacking your relationships.

Think about it. Chances are that your friends know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to human predators.

Again, expect your bullies to do these types of things. Moreover, instead of caving in, let their antics prompt you to double down on your boundaries.

5. They will project their shortcomings onto you.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto you?

They will also do this for retaliation and to keep their power over you. Therefore, dig your heels even deeper and fight back twice as hard.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours.

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” Or, more appropriately, “Don’t look at me! Look at her!”

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

However, be resilient and keep your boundaries in place. Because eventually, they’ll give up and move on to someone who’s easier to control.

Understand that it will get worse before it gets better. You will get a ton of push-back and resistance when you first begin setting boundaries.

However, continue to hold firm no matter how hard your predators may make life for you. And know that eventually, they’ll grow tired and move on.

This post was all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can know what to expect and continue to hold firm with toughness and grit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

Cliques and Bullying: 3 Dirty Secrets Cliques Try to Hide

February 6, 2025February 6, 20257 Comments

‘Want to know all about cliques and bullying? Here are dirty secrets cliques don’t want you to know and why you’re better off not belonging to them.

People will establish a clique for the sole purpose of excluding others and for no apparent reason. Moreover, cliques have only one goal, to make their members feel superior to others.

Their criteria for “good enough” changes like the weather, and they have no special interests, causes, or abilities.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about cliques and bullying. Also, you will learn the secrets they don’t want you to know so that you can buffer your self-esteem from their attacks.

Once you learn all about these types of bullies, you will confidently look at them with hilarity instead of allowing them to make you feel like crap.

This post is all about cliques and bullying so that you can remain confident when they come for you.

Cliques and Bullying

A clique will exclude someone for reasons as trivial as not wearing name-brand shoes. Tomorrow, the same person may wear name-brand shoes. However, the members may exclude them because their hair is too straight or too curly.

You get the point. Cliques are just groups of bullies. Moreover, they exclude people for no logical reason. With that said, we can conclude that their members do it strictly to bolster their egos. Understand that these bullies achieve a psychological payoff. And that is to feel like they’re superior.

The Difference between cliques and clubs.

Now, when we talk about cliques, we don’t mean clubs. Clubs are different in that they promote an interest in a specific hobby or subject.

For example, a Math Club or a Music Club. Naturally, if you didn’t have an interest in Music, you wouldn’t be allowed to join the Music Club, which makes perfect sense. The same goes with Math clubs, motorcycle clubs, etc.

However, cliques have no real purpose other than to stoke the overstuffed (or bruised) egos of their members. Nothing more. Cliques have no substance behind them.

They’re a farce, all about appearances- a mirage.

Therefore, you must realize that anyone who has to establish or join a clique to feel good about themselves obviously doesn’t have much else going for them.

Only bullies belong to cliques, always. Moreover, they will look for any excuse to attack those on the outside. They then use differences to justify themselves.

People who join cliques must make someone feel bad to make themselves feel good.

Cliques and bullying:

Here’s how to look at it when a clique bullies you.

Sadly, cliques don’t realize that, by limiting their associations to only those in the group, they cheat themselves. In other words, they only forfeit their chances of meeting interesting people who would otherwise be great assets to their lives.

Therefore, if you’ve been rejected by a clique, don’t feel bad. Instead, ask yourself these questions.

Are those frauds even worth knowing?
Are they even up to my level?
Would they benefit my life in any way?
Am I really missing anything?

Understand that cliques have no real benefits. They are the same boring people, having the same boring conversations, and living the same lackluster lives.

And if being a part of the clique is the only way its members can have any excitement in their lives, then you should pity them.

Realize that cliques restrict their members from talking to anyone outside of the group. As a result, they miss out on possibility of meeting someone who would make a positive difference in their lives. Also, they forgo meeting anyone who could actually teach them something.

So, seriously! Who’s missing out here? You or them?

Cliques and Bullying:

1. High School Cliques and bullies

They May Have Their Little Kingdoms In High School. but What Becomes of Them Once They’re Out of School?

Most bullies may peak in high school. However, most only become irrelevant in the real world.

High school is child’s play. It’s the kiddie pool of life. Therefore, graduation means the end of the line for most “popular” bullies and cliques.

I say this because most of my former school bullies had their fame in school. However, they’ve have done very little with their lives since.

It’s the same for most bullies and cliquey people. Most achieve very little as adults, while many of those they have bullied evolve into remarkable and highly successful adults.

There are bullies who become successful in life also but it usually doesn’t last. They end up losing it all in the end.

I know this for a fact because one of my older school bullies got a Nursing degree. She then worked as the Director of Nursing in a nursing home.

She seemed to be moving up in the world and got handed the most favorable positions. This is only because she was well-known in the town. In fact, most of my bullies from school either became nurses, law enforcement, teachers, or went to work in corrections.

Sadly, while working her prestigious DON position, this old bully got hooked on prescription pills. Eventually someone caught her stealing out of the medicine cart. Therefore, the owners of the nursing facility fired her from her job. But that wasn’t all.

Next, the state of Tennessee revoked her nursing license. Then her husband divorced her. Finally, she ended up penniless and working in a local cafe for minimum wage.

I can only imagine how humbled and humiliated she felt.

Cliques and bullying:

Most bullies end up meeting their karma.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t secretly wish for anything bad to happen to anyone. Moreover, I don’t boast of the misfortunes of others- not even those who tormented me in school.

However, if you get your jollies out of making others feel lousy, Karma does repay eventually. Believe it or not, most of the coddled and babied daddy’s girls and puffed up mama’s boys get a colossal letdown once they’re out on their own.

I’ve come to find out that this has happened to many of my former bullies. They bully innocent others during school and, for a while, they get away with it.

However, years later, they get the comeuppance they never expected as adults.

Here are a few reasons why most of my ex-bullies aren’t very successful:

To be truly successful, a person must leave their comfort zones and face their worst fears. They must brave the possibility of failure. Sadly, most bullies will never leave what’s familiar to them.

They’d rather stay in the same old, one-horse town they grew up in. Why? Because, there, these bullies have favor. As a result, they continue to get opportunities, promotions, and rewards handed to them by their “town connections.”

These are only small, hallow victories. However, bullies would rather stay and hold on to those tiny victories rather than go where no one knows them. Why? Because when you go somewhere you aren’t already established, you automatically become an unknown.

You don’t get the favor you got back home. Therefore, you must start from square one. You must re-establish yourself, which takes a lot of time and hard work.

Bullies know this and it scares them to death. They’ll never go anywhere where they’ll have to start over. Remember that bullies think they’re entitled.

They’re so used to getting instant gratification that they’d rather stay home and continue piggy-backing on their town connections. Therefore, they’ll choose to keep winning those shallow victories rather then to go out in the world and chance failure.

Cliques and Bullying:

What becomes of those they bullied in school?

People who were bullied in school, on the other hand, often leave the town they were bullied in. In fact, most of these victims can’t wait to leave. Therefore, they do, once they’re out of school.

Victims of bullying often have an nagging desire to go where no one knows them. They’re itching to go somewhere they can start anew and begin carving their own path in life.

Therefore, they aren’t afraid to leave the unfamiliar because the familiar only brought them tons of abuse, heartache, and adversity. Therefore, they’ll risk failure just to get the hell away from the town they were bullied in.

These people are willing to work hard because they’re determined to make good lives for themselves. Moreover, people who survived bullying are willing to sacrifice the time to get to where they want to be.

Think about it. They never got any of the favors and special treatment their bullies received. They had to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and bust their asses if they wanted to achieve anything. So, the sacrifice isn’t so frightening to them.

In short, where the bullies see the dread of hard work and having to wait, the bullied see opportunity. Therefore, this is why many survivors of bullying end up wildly successful. More so than the creeps that bullied them.

2. Cliques and Bullying:

Another Downside

Again, most of my bullies never left. Why? Because they knew they wouldn’t get the special treatment and free passes in any other jurisdiction. Therefore, they stay where their friends were.

Then, they can continue to get by on nepotism and the “Good Ole Boy System.” Sadly, this occurs in most all towns.

However, here’s the thing about small towns and rural areas. It doesn’t take long, nor does it take much effort to maximize potential in these areas. And this goes for even for well-connected bullies and cliques.

A person can only go so far in a rural area. Therefore, let them have their small town safety net because they’re only playing in the kiddie pool! They would drown in the big pond.

High school is the highlight of most people’s lives, so bullies had better enjoy it while they can. Why? Because the real world doesn’t care who you were in high school.

Adult life has no concern with how popular you were. The real world could care less if you were Homecoming Queen, the varsity football star, or on the cheer leading squad. Moreover, the workplace doesn’t care if you were in a fraternity, sorority or if you were class president!

All the real world wants to know is whether or not you can contribute something to it. And most bullies are as incompetent as they come and add nothing but negativity to life.

Therefore, if nothing else, know this. The differences that your classmates ridicule are the same characteristics and skills others will value and admire later.

3. There Are Benefits to Not Belonging to a Clique

People put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure you that by you’re so much better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group. Why? Because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, restrictions come with it.

Moreover, one of those restrictions is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle. Moreover, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider,” that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members.

Therefore, it just isn’t worth it. Why would anyone want to have someone else prevent them from meeting new people?

Cliques and bullying:

By not belonging to a clique, you can think freely.

When you become a member of a clique, the other members will expect your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions to match theirs. If you don’t hold the same values, they’ll either kick you out or worse, bully you.

Any unwritten rule that forbids you to associate with anyone outside of a group is utter hogwash! There is no reason you should not be able to associate with people you choose.

No two people are the same, and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs, and attitudes. Therefore, do what makes YOU happy.

Stop trying to please or impress your “friends.” Because if you have to suppress yourself to keep these people, then they aren’t your friends.

Never allow a clique or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people. Why? Because these may be people who someday prove to be wonderful friends and associates!

Moreover, never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

Most Cliques are Fakers and Posers

During high school, I can’t count the classmates who were posers and fakers. My guess was that these posers accounted for at least half of the class.

It shouldn’t be surprising that in high school, everything is based on appearances. Therefore, those who fake it the best and most convincingly are the ones who are bullies and usually, most popular.

However, most high school kids don’t pay attention to detail. Thankfully, I was one of the few who did.

In the lunch line, I would notice that most of the guys in the clique would wear their flashy, designer clothes. Yet, most of them would pull out a cheap, fifteen-dollar wallet to pay for their lunches.

Cliques and bullying:

Cheap Wallets and Knock-off Handbags

Also, the girls in the clique would wear their high-fashion clothes. However, cheap, knock-off “Gucci” handbags would be hanging from their shoulders and arms. If you paid close attention and had an eye for detail, you could tell by the stitching patterns and thread counts that these purses were fake.

All through the school, you would see the fake gold, Rolex watches. They also wore faux fur and suede, cheap costume jewelry, and fake leather and snakeskin. It was laughable at best!

Just to be clear, I have no qualms with anyone who has these items. Heck, they may like them. However, when you’re a bully and you buy these knock-offs to look like you’re rolling in money, you only look ridiculous. And you get no respect. Sorry.

In contrast, most victims of bullying don’t feel like they need to have all that fake crap, yet they’re the ones bullies target.

Targets, You’re Better Than That, and They Know It

You may still be wondering what the point to this story is. The point is that, if you’re a target, your bullies will most likely bully you over your virtues, not your faults. Moreover, to keep everyone’s attention of their insecurities and fakery, they will project them onto you.

In short, people who are authentic and real are comfortable with being themselves. Therefore, they’re most likely to suffer bullying. It’s just the way of the messed-up world we live in.

So, I want you to know that when people bully you, it is not because you’re doing something wrong. It just may be because you’re doing something right.

In other words, it’s not that there’s something wrong with you, it’s because there’s something right with you.

Most posers bully others because they’re angry that they must work so hard at being fake. And they’re jealous of anyone who doesn’t. Therefore, your self-esteem should soar when you realize this fundamental truth.

Posers hate and bully authentic people because they are complete opposites of them. And bullying cliques are the biggest posers of all!

This post was all about cliques and bullying so that you can feel much better about not being a member of a clique.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

5. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

February 4, 2025December 17, 20247 Comments

‘Want to know the signs of low self-esteem? Here are all the indicators that your self-esteem is broken and the best ways to repair it.

Low self-esteem makes for a miserable life. People who have it bypass opportunities that would otherwise improve their lives. Moreover, it can put a strain on relationships.

If you’re a target of bullying who’s self-esteem has been broken by bullies, this is the last thing you need. So, your first step is to know the signs of low self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post you will learn all the signs of low-self-esteem and how to recognize it in yourself and in others. Also, you’ll learn how to correct it in yourself so that you can raise your self-esteem, gather the courage to stand up to bullies, and ultimately, live a more fulfilling life.

Once you learn all this pertinent information, you will be prompted to take the necessary steps to improve your self-esteem so that you can take back control over your life.

Signs of low self-esteem

Let’s jump right into it. What are the signs of low self-esteem? And what can you do to raise it?

1. Lack of boundaries

When you have no boundaries, you let others walk all over you. You allow others to treat you like dirt. You don’t say no or stop when someone abuses you.

However, if you don’t set boundaries, you’ll only attract more bullies and predators in your life. Why? Because predatory people will see you coming a mile away!

Therefore, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. You must understand that this is part of taking care of yourself.

Self-care isn’t selfish and you deserve well-treatment as much as the next person. Moreover, if people lash out at you for establishing boundaries, that’s your cue to ditch these losers and surround yourself with better people.

This will work wonders for your self-esteem

2. People-pleasing behavior

You can’t please everyone all the time. Therefore, people-pleasing doesn’t score you any points in the end. It only leaves you depleted and exhausted.

Realize that you can’t please everyone all the time and there are time when you must make yourself a priority. So, don’t be afraid to say no when you can’t fulfill someone’s request right away.

Know that there’s nothing wrong with pursuing your own interests when you must. And if anyone has a problem with it, it’s a sign you need to get rid of them.

This is how you place value on yourself. You do it by weeding out the users and abusers who only show up when they need something and get pissed when you’re in the middle of something else and can’t help them right away.

3. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

approval-seeking behavior

What does approval-seeking behavior look like? Here are a few examples:

You change or soften your position when it looks like someone isn’t happy with where you stand. Or, you might give insincere compliments all for the sake of being liked.

Also, you may pretend to agree with someone when you really don’t. These are among the behaviors of approval-seeking and most people see right through it.

Therefore, be true to who you are. Stop pretending to be something you aren’t. People respect those who are authentic and have no time for someone who’s fake.

When you stop seeking approval, you’ll be amazed at what it does for your self-esteem!

4. Shyness/withdrawal

In other words, you avoid social situations because you’re afraid of rejection.

However, if you don’t take risks and put yourself out there, you’ll miss out on possible friendships and rewarding relationships. Here’s another thing to consider.

The best way to get rid of shyness is to take the focus off you and focus on the positives you can bring to others. This is what worked for me and it’ll work for you too.

5. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Fear of conflict

When you fear conflict, you go out of your way to avoid debates and disagreements. This is a close sister to seeking approval and people-pleasing because you pretend to agree when you really disagree.

For instance, you voice your opinion and others look like they disapprove. you notice their discomfort and suddenly change your opinion to line up with theirs.

You only do this to avoid any possible conflict you might have with them. However, if you don’t stay true to yourself, people will notice and they won’t respect you.

You must continue to be yourself even if others don’t like it. This is how you build your self-esteem.

6. Fear of failure

Fear of failure makes for an unsuccessful life. Understand that everyone fails at some point. However, those who keep trying eventually succeed. And they succeed because they keep trying no matter how many times they crash and burn.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to try. Why? Because if you don’t try, you surely won’t reach success. And think about this. You have a much higher chance of hitting your goals if you keep trying. But if you don’t try, you’ll have no chance whatsoever!

7. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Negative self-talk

Thinking things like, “I’m a loser,” or “I’ll never make it,” is negative self-talk. Therefore, if you continue with this inner dialogue, you’ll only motivate yourself to give up easily. Even worse, your self-esteem will sink even lower.

Instead, treat yourself as you would your best friend. Practice positive inner talk. This is how you turn negative thoughts to positive ones.

This may feel awkward at first because you aren’t used to thinking this way.

However, if you practice every day, it will feel less and less weird until it becomes like second nature. Try it! You’ll be surprise at how it raises your self-esteem!

8. Self-Depreciating jokes

You wouldn’t want anyone else to degrade you with jokes. So, why do it to yourself. Again, treat yourself like you would a best friend and watch your self-esteem improve dramatically!

9. Downplaying accomplishments

Any time you minimize your accomplishments and successes, it means that you don’t feel you deserve recognition and praise for them.

Therefore, be proud of your successes and don’t apologize for them. Realize that you aren’t being arrogant when you take pride in the things you’ve done.

When you allow yourself to bask in some of your accomplishments, you raise your self-esteem.

10. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Avoiding Eye Contact

Avoiding eye contact conveys fear and bullies can see this from a mile away! As a result, you become a target to those who wish to take advantage of you.

Therefore, practice good eye contact until it becomes nature. This will immensely improve your self-esteem.

11. Poor Posture

Slouching only shows the people around you that you don’t like yourself very much. And, trust me, they will treat you accordingly.

Therefore, learn to stand up straight with your head up and shoulders back. This is called confident body language and it’ll boost your self-esteem like magic!

12. downcast eyes

Looking down is another indicator of low self-esteem. When you look down all the time, it means that you’re afraid to look others in the eye.

Therefore, you’ll draw bullies and abusers to you instead of healthy, quality people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Therefore, never look down. Always look straight ahead and walk with purpose. These are other ways you can display confident body language and raise self-esteem.

13. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Toxic shame

When you feel toxic shame, you feel worthless. As a result, this can cause feelings of self-loathing and it will only cause you to behave in ways that signal that.

Therefore, if you haven’t done anything to deliberately harm anyone, what are you ashamed of? Take steps to find out where the shame comes from and take steps to get rid of it.

If you’re ashamed of the way you look, change the things you can change and accept the things about yourself that you can’t. It won’t be easy.

However, if you learn to embrace your imperfections, your self-esteem will soar!

14. self-doubt

Self-doubt comes from bullying and abuse. It comes from others who teach you that you can’t make choices on your own without screwing up.

However, realize that those people probably told you these things just to keep you down and steal your power. Once you realize their true motivations, you’ll be more compelled to trust your instincts, your decisions, and yourself.

Moreover, when you begin trusting yourself fully, your self-esteem will improve tremendously!

15. Self-comparison

There are reasons why well-meaning people tell you to never compare yourself to others. It’s because it kills your self-esteem.

Realize that we’re all different and that different people are good at different things. In other words, we all have different talents and gifts.

Therefore, instead of focusing on what they can do better than you, focus on the things YOU are best at! Then practice your talents and show them off.

I guarantee you that your self-esteem will thank you for it!

16. Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Trust issues

Whether your trust issues is with your partner or with people in general, it’s not a good sign. In order to have a social life, you must learn to trust other people.

In other words, you must take risks. Realize that encountering a few assholes is a part of life and you should expect it. However, don’t let them cause you to sink into paranoia.

Instead, deal with the bullies and assholes accordingly. Stand up to them and tell them to piss off. Then keep doing your thing!

This is how you keep your self-esteem from tanking.

17. Difficulty accepting compliments

Any time someone gives you a genuine compliment. Tell them thank you. Real compliments are something to be grateful for and they feel good.

However, when you have low self-esteem, you have a hard time taking compliments because you don’t think that you deserve them. Moreover, you may feel that the person paying you that compliment may have ulterior motives.

However, think about this. Most people won’t pay you a compliment unless they feel you’ve earned it. Therefore, accept it with grace, smile, and say thank you.

Then let it repair your self-esteem. I promise you. If you start being grateful for the compliments people give you, you’re likely to get more of them, which will give your self-esteem a huge boost!

This post was all about the signs of low self-esteem so that you can recognize them in yourself and make the necessary change to boost it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some