Tag: bullying

unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

Targets, Here Are 9 Better Alternatives to Seeking Revenge.

31 Comments

Ever! It’s better to sit back, relax, and let Karma deal with them because I guarantee that Karma can do a much better job than you ever could. Besides, do you want to expend that kind of energy? That kind of ugliness? No. Because you’re better than that!

And they aren’t worth the effort. Revenge isn’t as sweet as it looks in the movies. In fact, it’s cancer that will eat you up inside if you dwell on it!

What’s so bad about hate is that you’re so preoccupied with the people who wronged you, and they may still have you convinced that they’re all-powerful and untouchable and that you’re powerless and at their mercy, though you may not admit it.

And this is why you’re just itching to exact revenge on them. You find yourself ruminating over the many times they bullied and abused you, and it will play over in your mind like a broken record. You’ll be plagued with the thought that they got away with it. Understand that all this will only eat down into your soul, rot, and cause nothing but more pain.

So, ask yourself. Are they worth it?

I understand that sinking feeling of defeat you get from knowing of the possibility that your bullies didn’t get theirs- that they can walk away free without the slightest clue that what they did was wrong. It’s normal to feel a sense of injustice.

And ignorance is bliss, and bullies are the most blissful people on the face of the earth! But understand that there’s a term for your bullies’ ignorance. It’s called willful ignorance, and it happens when your bullies convince themselves that they did nothing wrong and that you got what you deserved.

But realize that this is precisely what your bullies want you to think. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get such a thrill from it.

Revenge always escalates the bullying because bullies are known to get brutal to get what they want. And if you try to give them payback, it will only turn into a game of ping pong. It will go back and forth, back and forth again. It’ll be an endless game of tit for tat.

PTSD

Continually replaying the bullying over and over in your head isn’t good at all! Because if you keep this up, you’ll never find happiness nor peace of mind. How can you move on with your life when you’re reliving the trauma?

Here are a few ways to reclaim your happiness and your life:

1.Seek Therapy. Never be too proud to seek therapy because it can help you process the negative feelings that poison your life. Therapy works. I’m living proof.

2. Write about it in a journal. Believe it or not, writing about it helps you unload and get it out of your system, especially when bullies have cut you off from support through smear campaigns. Not only are you building a good case and keeping a record of the bullying to use in case you go to court, but you are also providing yourself much-needed therapy. Writing is very therapeutic and cathartic. And once you get it out, even if only on paper, you’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel.

3. Spend time with people who feed your soul- the ones who love and care for you. Spending time with the people who love you the most can be a buffer to your self-esteem. It has a way of making up for all the hurt bullies cause you by giving you an equal or more amount of positivity in your life. Keep company with those who make you feel best about yourself. Share happy times with them, laugh with them, because laughter truly is the best medicine!

4. Capture happy moments. Again, bullies have given you enough negative, sad and stressful moments. Why not balance that with just as many happy moments? And the best part is that we have the power to create those moments!

5. Go on a trip. Sometimes, it’s just good to steal away to a beach house on a secluded beach with your family or friends. Or you can visit an out of state relative. Whatever you decide, getting out of town helps to bring you out of stagnation and revive you. It also gives you a sense of adventure, and that always lifts the mood. So, pack your things and go!

6. Meditate. Having been bullied can flood your mind with fear and negativity. It helps to shut off your mind, even for five minutes every day. Meditate on positive things. Focus on yourself and your personal goals. Meditate on God. It will help relax you and make you feel so much better.

7. Exercise. Exercise not only makes you healthier and promotes weight loss and better muscle tone, but it can also be one heck of a stress buster. Whether you like High-Intensity Training with weights or a brisk walk through the park, it increases endorphins and other feel-good chemicals to help you feel better.

8. Indulge in hobbies. Hobbies not only make you feel accomplished, but they take your mind off your bullies and the bullying you suffered in the past. So, find something you enjoy doing the most and concentrate on it. Being creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

9. Focus on your goals. If you focus on your goals, you won’t have time to focus on your  bullies. They don’t deserve even to be an afterthought. So, focus on your goals and where you want to go. And make life all about those things. Keep doing your thing!

I want you to understand that bullies get so much pleasure from your misery. So, do all you can to add as much joy to your life as possible. And once you do, take pleasure in knowing that, if your bullies could see that you’re happy without them, they’d be so furious!

Sometimes you must play mind games with yourself. Does it sound strange? Possibly. But whatever works. Right?

No, you can’t pretend that the pain isn’t there. And you can’t bury it or stuff it down because if it’s there, it will leak out eventually. But you do have to process it and do a lot of work on yourself before it goes away.

It will take a lot of work and time to do, but it will be worth it in the end. And you’re worth it! It’s all about self-care. And there’s nothing better than investing in yourself! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Reasons Targets Should Never Pander to Bullies

14 Comments

I’ve seen so many bullied targets- even people who aren’t victims pander- or, in laymen terms, suck up. No doubt about it, bullies can be intimidating, even downright threatening. Anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? Hmm. Let’s find out.

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

First let’s ask these two questions.

1. Would pandering really change things? No. Why? Because when we pander, we only give away more of our personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet. And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. You may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?” Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is for pansies. I can tell you that if you start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries, it’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Change to Appease Bullies

23 Comments

Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.

You should always be yourself and never allow bullies to change you. Here are the reasons why:

1. If the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.

But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?

2. Trying to be someone you aren’t to please others requires too much effort. Why would you want to expend so much work to fake your way through life? You’ll be watching every word that comes out of your mouth and every step you make, which means, you’ll be in a constant state of high alert because you’ll always worry what others think of you. Even if you do get accepted by others by being fake, it won’t make you happy. This is no way to live!

3. There will always be those who don’t like you no matter what you do. Therefore, all that extended effort, just to be liked, is all for naught. You’ll be jumping through hoops for other people. You’ll be shape-shifting yourself into a pretzel and in most cases, it doesn’t make people like you any better. What it does is cause you to live a life of undue stress and anxiety. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.

4. Genuine people and those who matter will only lose respect for you. Let’s be real here. No one likes nor respects a person who is fake. You won’t be taken seriously and, in most cases, you’ll only be bullied worse for your willingness to bend over backwards to gain acceptance. In other words, you’ll only get the opposite outcomes to what you hope for. How disappointing!

Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.

I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.

For example, bullies aren’t the only people who will try to change you. The media and other puppet masters also want us to change- even change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!

If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?

Who do they think they are?

Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?

Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?

And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.

Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.

And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.

And the media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!

These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???

As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.

And that’s the message I have for the radicals out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!

Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.

Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Naivete is Your Worst Enemy When You’re a Target of Bullying

25 Comments

We all have been naïve at some point in our lives. But over time, we grow, we accumulate lessons learned and life experiences, some good and some not so good, then we become wise. Some people become sage quicker and others slower. What counts is that we eventually learn it doesn’t matter the pace.

However, the fact is that some people stay naïve for a long time, not that this is necessarily a bad thing and it’s not their fault. Sometimes, environmental reasons are why we take longer than others to realize what reality can bring- maybe we live in a sheltered environment, maybe we have a secure family and home life and, as a result, believe in the goodness in all people. Again, this is not a bad thing. However, it can mark us for bullying, abuse, and usery.

Bullies can smell naivete a mile away and it’s the main factor that determines their choice of targets. Any time you’re a target of bullying, you can’t afford to be naïve. However, the sad reality is that most people targeted for bullying are, in fact, naïve and, again, it’s the reason they’re so often selected by bullies and abusers for victimization.

When I was young, I was naïve when it came to people. I believed that all people were inherently good, and I believed it to a fault. I can admit that today. And the bullying I suffered years ago smartened me up when it came to the duality of human beings.

And like I was, most targets are empaths and hold the same belief- that all people are inherently good and would never deliberately aim to harm another human being without a darn good reason.

As children, we’re taught to think positively, and things will work out for the best. This is not to say that we shouldn’t think positively because we should. However, many of us fail to take into consideration that there are some bad people out there who have evil intentions.

Also, we live in a competitive world full of people like these- people who want to take what we have and people who want to hurt us. Failure to realize these harsh truths will only subject targets of bullying to years of abuse as the bullying will only go unaddressed.

Understand that bullies, especially those in power, will always win unless we learn to spot them ahead of time and learn strategies to counter their attacks. And we can only learn to counter them when we accept the truth- the presence of bad people in the world.

We must realize that once bullies have their sights set on you, they won’t just disappear. Bullies are very persistent with their goals to harm you and ultimately destroy you. It’s a hard truth to swallow because we all want to believe that all humans are good, but the fact is that many of them are monsters.

Not everyone believes in treating others as they would like to be treated. We know that bullies think they’re good people even as they destroy the lives of their targets.

When we’re naïve, we’re vulnerable because with out people-knowledge, we’ll continue to take abuse. We must gain knowledge of the bully mindset and the motivations and intentions behind each tactic bullies use.

Only then will we be able to protect ourselves and ward off bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Magically Become Board-Certified Shrinks

25 Comments

Isn’t it funny how quickly bullies can become board-certified shrinks? And they can do it overnight, without reading as much as a single word out of a psychology textbook.

As we all know, bullies are legends (or Doctors of Psychology) in their own minds and they only make themselves look stupid when they “diagnose” anyone they cannot manipulate.

This little phenomenon is called “pop-psych,” and, in all it’s entitlement (and embarrassment), empowers bullies to conduct, “remote analyses” while holding little to zero education in the field of Psychology.

If you’re a target of bullying who’s been dx-ed by bullies, you can counter these accusations of insanity by reading a basic psychology 101 textbook, then asking your bullies questions that challenge the narrative.

For example:

Jack: “Don’t hang out with Jill. She’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Crazy? That sounds like a pretty serious accusation. Crazy in what way?”

Jack: “Uh…I don’t know. Like schizo or something.”

Kelly: There are five categories of schizophrenia, which one do you think she falls into?”

Jack: “Uhhhhh…paranoid?”

Kelly: “I’ll have you know that paranoia is a common trait in many psychopathologies.”

Jack: “Uhhhh. I dunno. She’s talking about people talking about her and thinking they’re after her or something- that’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Jack, have you ever considered that possibility that Jill may be a target of bullying?”

Jack: “Oh, no! We’re not allowed to talk about that.”

Kelly: (Rolls her eyes and scoffs at Jack, then walks away.)

When bullies use pop-psychology, they do it out of ignorance and entitlement. They use mental health and mental illness as a weapon and end up making themselves look stupid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

For more information, go to:

https://antiss.net

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

27 Comments

Self-doubt is the killer of dreams. It comes when a person is consistently showered with toxicity and toxicity comes from toxic people- bullies and abusers. When all a person gets is insults and abuse for a long period of time, they become exhausted and any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if targets aren’t careful, they’ll start to believe their abusers. They start seeing themselves through the eyes of their bullies. They’ll give up and others will see in them, a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly. The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Bullying and abuse takes the joy out of your life and you begin to daydream about escaping your current situation. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse. You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer that way.

Finally, you stop growing as a person because you live inside your head instead of observing life that’s going on around you and learning the lessons life is trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying and abuse you suffer only gets worse because everyone around you knows that you’re living inside your head and they ridicule you for it.

And people who do not know what you are going through or don’t understand you may mistake you for being lazy, slow, or stupid. But it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself and the bullying only gets worse. It is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Not only do I understand how you feel inside, I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, people can’t grow without positivity. Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight and people need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just negativity nor positivity.

Too much negativity or, in this case, toxicity, and the person’s emotional and psychological growth will be stunted. Then, their happiness, confidence, and dreams will die, and they’ll give up. Too much positivity, and they lose touch with the real world and real people, then become arrogant, full of themselves, demanding, and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance of both before a person can truly grow.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies and abusers try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all, although they may claim they know you more than you know yourself. The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like that and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with people who love you and who uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope and you’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are and more than you may think you are. Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most- your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

And how you do this is through self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a new place where you can grow and flourish, and where you can make friends and be no only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who allow you to shine and the sun to shine on you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Fighting Is The Only Alternative You Have

68 Comments

Many times throughout my life, I’ve heard people preach against fighting- and yes, even in self-defense. When I was being bullied- even physically so, I was often told by teachers and even the bullies themselves, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”  Or, my personal favorite, “fighting isn’t lady-like.”

I’ve got news for these people- neither is getting your face beat in every day.

Be that as it may, fighting back was better than just standing there and taking the beatings. When you’re a target of bullying and you decide to stand up for yourself, there will be people who will climb up on their soapbox and insert their two cents where it doesn’t belong, telling you that “violence doesn’t solve anything,” and that “you shouldn’t stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

You’ve heard the term, “All up in your Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” Yep! That’s where they’ll will be when you get enough of bullying and decide once and for all to take care of business.

However, what else do you do if you’re a kid at school getting their brains beat out every other day? Just stand there and allow yourself to be harmed over and over again?

All the time, targets get suspended or expelled from school when they finally defend themselves against a bully. After six months, eight months, two years, or even five years of being mercilessly bullied and trying to handle it through nonviolent means, only to be called a wuss and beat up more, the target finally gets fed up and beats the living crap out of a bully.

Now everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully, but at the target! But where was their outrage when the target was getting their body pummeled without provocation? Where was their outrage when the shoe was on the other foot? Where was their humanity when the target cried out for help?

If you’re in school and you’re a target of bully. These questions are those you should ask the school authorities, bystanders, and anyone who gets offended by your defending yourself. Know that you’re just as good as the next person. Know that you have the same rights as anyone else- including your bullies. And know that you have the right to defend yourself anytime you’re threatened with physical harm.

Understand that this is a part of self-care. It’s true that fighting isn’t always the answer but sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

It’s sad when a target must fight all the time to keep themselves from being harmed but I don’t hold it against anyone who fights back under those circumstances because you have to take care of yourself or no one else will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Sure Signs Someone is Having Their Strings Pulled

51 Comments

Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being controlled. If you pay attention, you’ll always know if a person you know is being told what to say, what not to say, what to do, and what not to do.

If you are a target of bullying, you more than likely suffer at the request of a powerful ringleader. You may have had friends and allies at first, but you’ve found that slowly, those friends and allies have only disappeared and now, you have no one left who will associate with you, much less help you.

Do you know why? It’s because your bullies have gotten to them somehow. They have either threatened to retaliate and harm them if they have any more to do with you, or they may have given them good incentives to turn against you- social and financial perks, promotions, rewards, etc.

So, how can you tell when a person is compromised?

1. They flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they have to flip-flop. They say one thing, then later say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or, at least, keep them out of hot water.

 2. They say anything they think people want to hear no matter how irrational and stupid they may sound. Again, this goes back to flip-flopping and bullies do change narratives often, so, the puppet must change with their puppet-masters and handlers if they want to stay in their good graces.

 3. They go with whatever the prevailing narrative or belief is. These people will fall in line quick. You can always tell a follower because they stay in lock step with your bullies. They quote whatever quote is popular, say whatever is popular, wear whatever the bullies are wearing, and act however they must, in order to stay on the bandwagon. In short, they’re a bunch of wannabes trying haplessly to fit into the bullies’ world of morals and standards.

 4. They’re a chameleon. This person will behave one way around this person and another way around that person. Understand that this person has no personality of their own. They change personalities like a model changes clothes.

 5. They can’t think for themselves. Again, these people never think for themselves. They only flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’ve been sucked into the group-think. God help them if they ever had an original thought. Or worse, took a stand (gasp!).

 6. They’re easily led and influenced. Life must really suck if you need someone to hold your hand in order to make decisions and choices. But some people would rather be controlled than to go out on a limb and choose for themselves.

They’re under the belief that it’s better to have security than to have freedom. That freedom and independence are too risky because they just might fail!

It’s true that being your own person involves a lot of risk. To be independent and have your own thoughts and opinions will invite the risk of failure and the enmity of a few others. But understand that anyone who doesn’t like you because you prefer to be yourself is more than likely a controlling person- an abuser, a bully, a narcissist. That’s right. Only people who like to control others hate those who are independent and who think for themselves.

stupid idiot

So, why would you want to please those types of people? Why would you want to have a puppet-master? Understand that only objects have owners. And you’re not an object, you’re a person with your own thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs. Keep it that way!

If you’re a target of bullying and your friends and allies have turned their backs on you, it’s best that you have nothing more to do with them and find new friends outside of the bullying environment.

You don’t want friends who are sheep and too weak to have your back when the chips are down. Trust me on that one. You want strong friends and allies- people who aren’t too chicken to have your back and are more than happy to go to bat for you. That’s what real friends do!

You want the types of friends who are hard to find, not those who are a dime a dozen. Know that you deserve better!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

12 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted

33 Comments

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their targets. As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the targets as crazy, try to reverse the roles to make the target look like the bully, or try to convince the target that what happened didn’t really happen- that it was all in the target’s imagination, or they’re being overly sensitive, overreacting, etc.

If you’re a target, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up, so that they can keep their moral high ground. They do it to make you doubt your sanity because they know that if you doubt your own sanity, it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to know when someone is gaslighting you because when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to just shut up and go along with it. The reason for this compulsion is fear. You know that, more than likely, if you don’t just clam up and go along, you’ll only suffer more abuse as punishment for daring to open your mouth.

So, how do you know that someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You’ll constantly second guess yourself – It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing. This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

 You’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Also, too much second guessing can cause us to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness and that is no way to live life!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think and to realize that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day- They don’t call it “crazy-making” for nothing because it can drive you crazy. When people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

Again, the best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. You over-apologize- You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. You apologize for other people’s behavior. You even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

4. You’re confused all the time- Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion.

5. You’re never happy but you feel you should be- that’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted. Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens. And your feelings are right. You should be happier. Only you have a bullying gaslighter in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve.

6. You make excuses for other people’s behavior- this especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know, and you’re riddled with shame over it. And it can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others. Therefore, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being abused, but to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

But the only way to stop this is to face the truth and, even better, ditching these fakers. Because if you must make excuses for someone who’s bullying and abusing you, they can’t be a friend.

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about- when you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag!

Here are a few more symptoms to be aware of:

8. You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

10.  You feel hopeless.

11. You wonder if you’re good enough.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself- to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body- listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

There are times when the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches in your life (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Virtue Signal

54 Comments

Seasoned bullies are masters at virtue-signaling and making themselves look like the angels they aren’t. Many of my classmates were expert virtue signalers. I remember sitting in class and being pregnant with my first child. One of my bullies, we will call her Amy, told me I was a sinner because I’d gotten pregnant before getting married. What was funny was that this came from one of those girls who everyone knew slept around with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

Not that I ever judged her for it because what she did on the weekends was nobody’s business but hers. However, the point I make here is that, in her infinite hypocrisy, she took it upon herself to judge me in front of an audience. And she did it to prove something to them.

She also told me that my child was a bastard and would be better off dead than to have me for a mother. The last thing she said was that I should never be allowed to get married nor have kids.

Understand that any time a bully publicly passes judgement on you, they only do it to feel like they’re better than you- so they can delude themselves, you, and everyone else into thinking that they’re above you on the totem pole of morals and decency.

The reason this bullying classmate accused me of being “unvirtuous” is to try and prove to everyone else that she wasn’t. She wanted everyone to think that she was as pure as the driven snow and that she was above someone else. But, although no one said a word, I think they all knew who she really was and what her attack on me was all about.

Sadly, we see the same from radicals. They pander and virtue signal by raising their fists and worse, kneeling and bowing down to extremist groups and the only reason they do it is to try and prove to the rest of the world that they’re moral, decent, and above ignorance.

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

But here’s the thing.

If you know yourself and you know that you aren’t the label of the day, be it a “whore”, a philanderer, a racist, a conspiracy theorist, a nut job, or anything at all; you won’t feel you have to attack anyone else, pander, or virtue signal to prove it. Your goodness, morals, virtues are already there, and you know it. There’s no need to prove it.

When you truly know yourself and the definition of who you are, you won’t try to prove anything because it’s too much work and you know it’s a waste of your time and energy. You do not have to show others you have something if that something is something you already have.

Here’s another thing.

If anyone feels they must bend over backwards to prove something to the rest of the world, know that their willingness to pander and virtue signal- all that extra effort and energy expenditure comes from a guilty conscience and that there is something about themselves that they’re trying like the devil to hide.

These people are under the presumption that, the more efforts they make, the more personal sacrifices they make, and the more they try to “atone” by forcing themselves to do the most degrading and demeaning things, the more it shows that they’re not what the label of the day and current narrative says they are.

What they don’t realize is that it only means the opposite of what they’re trying to prove. Do you see where I’m going with this? If your conscience is clear, don’t ever feel like you have anything to prove. You don’t.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Mind Is Yours and Yours Alone. Keep It That Way.

95 Comments

Bullies don’t only want to hurt you or destroy your good name. More than anything, they want to get into your head and alter your mind.

The worst thing about bullying isn’t the physical assaults. Cuts and bruises heal easily. It isn’t even the name-calling, the smears, the rumors, or the marginalization. It’s what it can do to the mind if we aren’t careful.

The worst thing that can happen to a target of bullying is when he begins to believe what he’s being told. The worst thing that happens is when she begins to see herself through the eyes of the very people who hate her and who want nothing more from her than her complete destruction and ruination.

Anytime a target begins to believe he is nothing, he does himself a huge disservice because he discards his own definition of him and replaces it with that of his bullies. He values the bullies’ opinions over his own.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving yourself even when it looks as if others don’t love you back. You must continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.’

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Yes, your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it for hitting rock bottom. Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you don’t have to give them the piece of it you still hold for yourself. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them break it.

In short, you don’t have to surrender everything that matters to your bullies.’

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

If You’re a Target of Bullying, Here’s a Message for You

19 Comments

Many bullied kids (and adults) are committing suicide. This should hit home with many people because the suicide rate among bullied kids and teens is astronomical! It certainly hits home with me because I attempted suicide at age fourteen after being bullied for several years.

Therefore, I wrote, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying” to tell my story and encourage today’s youth. I survived, and things got much better once I left that toxic learning environment I was bullied in.

I want the bullied children and teens of today to know these truths:

1.They can overcome and move on to a better life.

2. School is only one chapter of their lives, not the entire book.

3. There are better ways to handle bullying other than taking your own life.

4. They must love themselves and be themselves regardless of what others think.

5. They are just as good as anyone else, regardless of what they’re told.

6. They can do anything they put their minds to if they believe in themselves.

7. They must educate themselves about bullies, their mindsets, their tactics, and the damage they can do.

8. They must recognize the beginning symptoms of low self-esteem and find ways to fight it.

9. They must realize that if bullies take their confidence, then bullies can alter the course of their lives.

10. They have more power than they know.

11. Confidence is the key to a better and more rewarding life.

If you’re a target of bullying, I urge you to hold your head high and keep the faith. Stay true to your own heart and follow your dreams. Know that it won’t last forever and one day soon, things are going to change for the better! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

2 More Reasons Your Bullies Label You “Mentally Imbalanced” or “Crazy” and Why It Works

44 Comments

Unfortunately, the label of mental instability is the easiest and most effective label to stick to a person. Sadly, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power because it’s the hardest to disprove- especially when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Also, there’s a good chance that any target of bullying will be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer. So, there’s another reason the crazy label would be a clever label to pin to them.

When bullies label you as crazy, it doesn’t mean they actually think you are. Allow me to explain further:

Remember that bullies are big cowards and if they really and truly thought you were crazy, they wouldn’t mess with you at all. In, fact, they wouldn’t come near you. Instead, they would do everything they could to stay out of your way and avoid poking the bear.

They’d go out of their way to be on their best behavior around you because they know that if a person is, in fact, crazy, that person could rip their heads off and poop down their necks. That person could go postal and wipe them all out, then go home and eat a sandwich.

If a person with any common sense knows someone who is factually and utterly batshit crazy, their first instinct is to walk lightly around them and do their due diligence to keep from setting that person off!

So, if your bullies don’t really think you’re crazy, why then do they label you as such?

1. To discredit you. Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that eventually, you’re likely to get fed up with their crap and either report them or stand up to them. And if everyone thinks you’re crazy, who’s going to take you seriously when you report the bullying?

2. To make you afraid to speak out or stand up to them. Again, just in case you begin standing your ground or speaking out about the abuse, bullies employ this tactic to keep you quiet and, in that, clean their reputations spotless. If you know that people think you’re crazy, chances are good that you’re going to be too afraid to open your mouth about it because you know that people probably won’t believe you. They will only say that, because of your “mental instability,” you’re probably just being paranoid.

You’ll also be too afraid to fight back because if you do, you know that the bullies will only convincingly reverse roles and play victim. Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor, innocent bullies, or you just threw a temper tantrum and began shouting and cursing people out for no reason. All because you’re just “crazy.”

Sure. Mental instability is one of the hardest to prove. It’s true that your bullies can never prove you’re crazy, but there’s also no way that you can prove for certain that you aren’t. And it’s why this label is just too easy to pen on someone and make stick. In fact, it shouldn’t be this easy and be so successful. But it is.

Do you see how this works?

So, no. Your bullies don’t think you’re crazy, they think you’re weak. They only push the crazy label because weakness or helplessness in a person does have a certain allure and appeal and others may feel compelled to come to that person’s aid. Helplessness sparks a natural tendency in people to want to take care of the person who is helpless, but people are less likely to help the person who is deemed crazy. Bullies instinctively know this. So, they label the target crazy to strip him/her of that allure and appeal.

In labeling you crazy and making it stick, bullies are better able to avoid being held accountable and if they can successfully dodge responsibility for their abuse of another human being, then they get to continue hurting and abusing that person freely and with impunity.

Understand that there’s a method behind the label of mental instability, crazy, unhinged, or whatever name you prefer. If you’re aware of the motives behind that label, the better you’ll be able to catch it and counter your bullies with it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons You Should Never Be Afraid of Conflict

49 Comments

Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them in the past by bullies who just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.

Understand that these poor souls haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have, and they don’t yet know their worth and the good they deserve. Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people do get tired of hearing self-entitled and self-indulgent bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”

I can understand why targets and survivors end up being this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle and struggle to take back their autonomy, their self-determination, their personal power, their safety, their dignity, and their right to exist. They get worn down, they get weary, and all they want is for people to leave them alone and let them have some peace.

However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak and they’ll walk all over you. You must set boundaries. There are times when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across and let people know that no means no and enough is enough.

Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships and no, none of it feels good.

In short, you must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.

Think of it this way, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what because people will bring the conflict to you. Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is unavoidable and certain.

In other words, run from conflict and you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!

So, why not face it head on, better yet embrace it and stand up to people, then you can feel better about yourself later knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it. You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Toxic Shame in Targets Resulting from Bullying

25 Comments

Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.

When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.

This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.

With knowledge comes power!