Tag: body language

how to spot a bully in a crowd

How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

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‘Want to know how to spot a bully and pick them out of a crowd? Here are all the body language cues you must be aware of.

how to spot a bully

If you want to combat bullying, you must know how to spot bullies before they spot you. This means having a spidey-sense when it comes to reading people. You must automatically pay attention to others’ non-verbal communication and their silences.

Therefore, in this post you will learn how to spot a bully among a huge crowd of people. You will also learn more about body language in general.

Once you learn all these non-verbal messages, you will be able to better protect yourself against bullies and bullying.

This post is all about how to spot a bully and what you can do to protect yourself from them.

How to Spot a Bully

Why You Should Learn to Read Body Language

Body language is the unspoken messages we all send everyday. You should learn these things not only to read other people but also to be aware of your own nonverbals.

For instance, noticing the clothes people wear and the arrangement of objects in their homes and work spaces can also give clues as to the kind of people you’re dealing with.

Moreover, it pays to notice patterns in their breathing and tensions they have in certain muscles (mainly the neck and jawline). You should also have the ability to read the subtext in conversations.

The feet are the parts of the body that people pay the least attention to! However, this is a mistake because the feet can tell you so much.

Participating in or listening to conversations is good practice as well. And you should also home in on what is implied rather than what is said.

All of this is non verbal communication. And let’s face it, there is no such thing as an action that doesn’t communicate something.

The ability to read nonverbal communication is increasingly becoming a lost art due to technology and the advancement of social media. And that’s a sad thing because without it, we lose the ability to live in harmony with our fellow man.

How to spot a bully: Bullies always display these types of body language, especially around their targets.

Dominance and Superiority Body Language

1. Bullies take up lots of space to appear bigger.

In other words, you will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall.

2. If you’re a victim of bullying, your bullies will stand extra close to you.

Moreover, they’ll stand so close that they will sometimes touch you. Your bullies deliberately invade your personal space to intimidate you. Moreover, this is the way they show you who’s boss without saying a word.

Therefore, how you respond is to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell off.

If they don’t move or they move closer to challenge the boundary you just set, you may have to throw up your dukes and enforce that boundary.

3. Bullies will also frown and purse their lips at you while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact. Also, they will bore their eyes into you like a dagger, without moving their heads.

Again, this is to intimidate you and let you know that they’re watching you.

And when they glare at you, they do it persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch.

Know that these are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!

Therefore, you respond to this by reflecting the same body language back to them. In other words, return the glare and purse your lips back at them. Let them know that they don’t scare you and that you can take care of yourself if you have to.

4. How to Spot a Bully:

Bullies will freely touch you because they have no regard for your personal space.

For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. They may grab you by the arm and lead you where they want them to go. A bully may also physically move you to the side or shove past you.

Understand that your bullies do these things to show you who’s in charge. Also, they may do it to compete with you.

Moreover, they may also do these things to signal ownership of you. Yes! In your bullies’ minds, they own you.

Their unspoken message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

Therefore, you must jerk away from them and tell them to never ever put their hands on you. And, if they challenge you by touching you again after you’ve told them not to, it’s time to punch their lights out.

And when you do, hit them so hard that they’ll think twice about ever messing with you again. Make the lick count!

5. If you are sitting, bullies will often stand over you to look bigger and more intimidating.

Or, if you’re standing, bullies who are short in stature will often stand on something to appear taller than you. Some may stand on their tiptoes.

Bullies will also lay claim to your territory (your desk, spaces, parking spaces, etc.) and expect others to obey rules when near the claimed area or object.

Again, they do this to intimidate and dominate.

Therefore, tell them to back the hell up!

6. How to Spot a Bully:

Other ways of Invading your space and claiming ownership

Your bullies may walk into your room, office, or home uninvited and without knocking. They may sit in your chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on your vehicle and parking in your parking space. They may cut in front of you in line, or prop their feet on the back of your chair when sitting behind them.

I had a girl do that to me in school, and if I knew what I know now, I would have jumped up and beat the living hell out of her!

Understand that bullies crave control and do these things to take away your power.

Therefore, you have every right to demand that they either know first or don’t bother coming in.  If they lean on your care, desk, etc, tell them to get off the object. You must stand up to these people!

7. Bullies also put their hands on your personal belongings with a carefree attitude.

But know that the message the bully is sending you is this: “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

Therefore, tell them in a firm tone to keep their hands off your shit!

 They may walk up to your table during lunch, pick a French fry off your plate, and pop it in their mouths. They may pick up your fork and take a bite of your food.

Moreover, your bully may also pick up your phone and began scrolling through the contents. They may even rummage through your purse or pick up your jacket and go through the pockets.

The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

Therefore, do something about it!

Get up, face the bully, and say, “Don’t you ever do that again.” If he challenges you, again, punch their lights out.

They crossed the line and you must enforce your boundaries. Why? Because they’ll keep it up if you don’t.

8. How to Spot a Bully:

Another way bullies invade territory.

They walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them.

Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road and driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait.

Therefore, tell them to move or to get out of the way. You could also say, “Excuse you!” This may or may not change their behavior but it will let them know that you aren’t afraid to stand up to them.

9. Bullies also show dominance by how they dress or the car they drive.

Bullies do this to impress admirers and to one-up you and other targets. Therefore, see it for what it is, a pathetic ploy to show off.

How you respond to give them a dismissive look and keep going. They aren’t worth your time.

10. Hostility Body Language

Bullies may look at you while pinching their chin.

The pinching of the jaw is used to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them. It’s their way to hold back the urge to physically attack you.

Therefore, realize that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

Therefore, put your hands on your hips, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and give them the death glare. The point is to let them know that you aren’t the least bit intimidated.

11. How to Spot a Bully:

They pound their fist into the palm of their opposite hand or another object.

Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at you, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall, or the palm of their opposite hand.

Any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for the victim’s physical body.

Moreover, girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at you.

Also, male bullies may snarl at you, whereas female bullies will glare at you with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Repeat the response in number 10. Show the creep you aren’t afraid of them.

12. Bullies also show hostility by sizing you up.

They size you up by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests. The best response is to mirror the bully.

13. Bullies will stand in the center of the room.

They do this to be the “center” of attention. I call this the “look-at-me” body language. Therefore, how you respond to this is just to dismiss the body and keep walking.

How to Spot a Bully

In Conclusion:

Here’s a complete rundown of what we just covered.

If a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Also, if the bully challenges you, enforce the boundary you set. Sometimes this may mean putting up your dukes.

Here’s another thing that we didn’t mention but is important because it will help your self-esteem tremendously.

Dress your best and look your best. This shows that you take pride in how you look and conveys confidence. It also helps you to feel better. When we look better, we also feel better!

This post is all about how to spot a bully so that you can read their body language and be better prepared for anything they may try.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

non verbal bullying examples

Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

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‘Want to know all the non verbal bullying language examples bullies use? Here are all the gestures, head to toe, that you need to know and recognize when you see it.

non verbal bullying

Bullying body language is super easy to read if you know what to look for and which parts of the bully’s body to look. However, many victims of bullying and even non-victims haven’t been taught the details of non verbals.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the physical cues of non verbal bullying from head to toe so that you can know when you’re about to be attacked and take steps to protect yourself before it happens.

Once you learn about all these physical signs of hostility, you will be much quicker in deploying defense measures to ensure your physical and mental safety. Moreover, you will be able to mirror your bullies’ mean gestures in a way that will make them think twice about coming for you.

This post is all about non verbal bullying so that you can confidently counter it and feel better about yourself, knowing that you stood up to your bullies’ silent threats.

Non Verbal Bullying

Many bullies use body language to bully you. For example, they may give you a threatening look from across a crowded room. Maybe one of them looks at you and makes the slitting throat gesture to let you know what you can expect later.

You may ask, “Why do bullies use gestures? Why don’t they just come out and say it directly?”

The reason must seasoned bullies prefer the use of facial expressions and gestures is because they are silent and less detectable by others.

In other words, it’s just a sneakier way for them to try and intimidate you without getting caught and possibly getting into trouble.

Therefore,

Without Further delay, here are the body language cues you must watch for.

Eyes- That Creepy Piercing Glare.

The eyebrows narrow and the eyes bore into you without blinking. The head does not move. The person stares you down as if they want to attack you.

Bullies pull this number to either challenge or intimidate their you. Therefore, here’s what you do to counter them.

Return the stare. Then, keep your eyes boring into them until they look away.

Doing this tells the bully that they don’t scare you and that you’re willing to go toe to toe with them if you have to.

Do this and the bully will likely leave you alone.

Nose- The Nostril Flare.

You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flare when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies.

The nostrils flare to take in extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. When a bully does this, you’d better believe that he’s hostile.

Therefore, when a person’s nostrils flare at you, look out! Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to defend yourself.

Also, the bully will likely do this while staring you down. Therefore, return the glare and the nostril flare to let them know that they don’t intimidate you.

Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Jaws- The Jaw Clinch.

The bully is gritting his teeth at the target and hiding it. When this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding.

The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight. Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore it. Stay vigilant.

Moreover, stare the bully directly in the eyes. But one quick note. Staring the bully in the eyes can be intimidating.

Therefore, if you can’t look them in the eyes, look them between their eyes. This is much easier and the bully won’t know the difference.

Mouth- Pursing of the Mouth or the one-Sided Upper-Lip Raise.

There are many expressions bullies use with their mouths. One of which is, The One-Sided Upper-Lip Raise.

Coupled with a glare, people raise one side of their upper lip to convey contempt or disgust. Therefore, return the sentiment and the bully will likely stop.

Again, the trick is to maintain your return glare until the bully breaks eye contact and goes away.

Thinned or Pursed Lips are a sign of hostility. Again, return the sentiment.

Snarling and baring of the teeth. This also conveys hostility. As always mirror the bullies- return the expression but be prepared.

Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Chin- The Jutted Chin.

The bully tilts the head back and juts his chin forward all for the purpose of looking down his nose at you. When the bully does this, he is either challenging you, trying to intimidate you, or he truly thinks he’s superior.

Therefore, you must return the look and the bully will likely back down.

Neck- The Exposed Neck.

The bully will expose and lengthen the neck to challenge you. People do this to show that they aren’t afraid of the person in front of them and can hold their own if necessary.

Also, bullies do it to make themselves appear taller and to intimidate anyone in their way. As with the other cues of hostility and contempt, reflect the gesture back to the bully and they’ll likely go on about their business .

Shoulders- The Shoulder Throw.

Bullies will often throw their shoulders back to convey confidence and power.

Therefore, if you want to appear confident, never slouch the shoulders. Always stand up straight, tall, and with your shoulders back.

Non Verbal Bullying

Chest- The Puffed-Out Chest.

The bully’s chest puffs outward toward the target. The chest fills with extra air in preparation for a possible fight.

Again, this is not only done to make the bully look bigger and to intimate his opponent but also a sign of a coming physical attack. Therefore, don’t back down.

Backing down will only show the bully that you’re afraid and they won’t stop bullying you. Instead, be prepared to defend yourself. Stand tall, and change to a fighting stance.

Arms- Akimbo.

The arms of a bully are often akimbo (elbows out, hands on hips, thumbs forward). This makes the bully appear bigger and more powerful. Also, bullies use this posture to intimidate any opponent and show power and superiority.

To ward them off, mirror their posture back to them. Stand with power, and send the message that you won’t be a victim.

Crossed Arms.

When coupled with the jutted chin, bullies will also cross their arms anytime they’re facing someone. Crossed arms are not only a sign of superiority and power, they are also considered closed body language.

Why, because when a bully crosses his arms when facing their opponent, they are “closed” to anything the other person has to say.

However, vote that victims will also cross their arms in intimidation when confronted by a bully. The difference is that they cross their arms to avoid a possible attack to the torso or they may throw their hands and arms in front of the face and neck.

Also, instead of using the jutted chin, a victim will lower the head, hide the neck, and slouch. This is where paying attention to clustered body language comes in.

Therefore, to keep bullies away, never slouch, lower the head nor hide the neck. Always look confident!

Again, mirror the same body language back to the bully to keep from looking afraid. This will likely make the bully think twice.

More Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Hands- The Clenching Fists.

The bully will often clench their fists when they want to physically attack their opponent. Always see this as a sign the person wants to harm you and be ready in case they do.

Mid-Section- The Crotch Expose.

This is done mostly by boys and men. Although it is a sign of sexual interest in a potential mate, it can also be used to intimidate and for dominance and power.

Trust me. You’ll know the difference.

If you are a male victim, take a power pose and mirror the bully. If you are female and this is used by a male bully for intimidation, either stand facing the bully with your feet apart and hands on your hips.

Then challenge him with a glare or you can give him a dismissive look and walk away.

Legs- Legs Apart.

Most bullies stand with their feet shoulder-width apart to appear bigger and more powerful. Confident people also stand this way.

Therefore, if you want to appear confident and ward off bullies, this is how you should stand.

Non Verbal Bullying

The Dominant Leg Back-step.

This is when the bully steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes!

If you see the bully step back with one leg, either get clear or be prepared to fight!

Feet- The Toe Point.

Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading. The toes always point to where the person wants to go. If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction.

In contrast, if the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you and their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you. Moreover, you’ll know the subtle non verbal tactics they use as well.

This post was all about non verbal bullying Examples and used different body parts to give you all the body language so that you can spot hostility and be ready to stand up to bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

11 Nonverbal Secrets Instantly Wins Friends

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Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, if others see insecurity in you, you won’t attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, as a matter of human nature, healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression. On the other hand, you’ll only attract predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles or no smile at all, make the target appear unapproachable. It’s the same with closed body language, such as crossing the arms over the chest.

charming older woman

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not the target’s fault. It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that well-meaning people in your life can teach you. Even better, you can even teach yourself and practice it when you read the right books that teach it. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:
  1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! However, people can easily spot a fake smile and it will only turn them off. A fake smile repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

charming man

  1. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

  1. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose. Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand- feet shoulder-width apart and with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist. This also signals confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

  1. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means keeping facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them. When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

  1. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space. Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

  1. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement. Nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

charming kid

  1. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

  1. Relax!

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense. It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

  1. Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say. It is downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

charming woman

  1. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere. Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

  1. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere. As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit. Practice them every day until they become second nature. Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

Just as it’s important to know what body language to use to make friends, it’s also equally as important to know what body language to avoid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

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Bullies are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in a target person that screams “victim.” Bullies will study their quarry’s body language first and foremost. They also note their emotional reactions to certain stimuli. In other words, they watch how the person handles conflict and adversity. But first things first. Let’s talk about body language, particularly, body language you should always avoid and ways to correct it.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye-contact signals either dishonesty, or a lack of confidence, which is exactly what bullies look for.

Many targets get nervous in social situations, which is understandable. When people have bullied a person for long enough, that person no longer feels safe in social interactions and will often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re nervous to the point of avoiding eye-contact with others, bullies may notice and peg you for a victim. Also, even people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you. Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident.

Yes, acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident. And confidence is the best way to get through any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. submissive body language

This includes poor posture, such as slouching and hunching down. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission. Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want to say and not seeking to achieve your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people and instead, start achieving your own needs for a change. Remember that you deserve, just as much as the next person, to have your needs and wants met. Start working toward your own goals.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body-language)

Crossing of the arms in front of you, crossing your legs, and hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck are all self-protective behaviors. Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. Always relax!

4. Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, holding your head down, and looking bashful. Again, hold your head high. Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do and think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies. You must move freely and I’m going to say it again… relax!

In closing, you must watch your body language if you don’t want bullies to spot you as a potential target, it’s imperative that you watch your body language. In other words, if you catch yourself looking down, correct this by looking people in the eye or looking ahead. If it’s slouching you find yourself doing, sit up straight. And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes. Because body language speaks louder than words ever will. Not only should you mind your own body language, you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues as well.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Know the Body Language of Targets

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Bullies bully many of their targets long term, most over a period of years. Imagine what that does to the targets’ confidence and self-esteem. And sadly, it comes out in the targets’ body language.

Therefore, many targets of bullying are very nervous people, especially in social situations. And why not? Bullies have beaten them down- stripped them of their confidence, vibrance, their entire personhood. Is it any wonder they’re constantly walking on eggshells and monitoring every action and every word that comes out of their mouths?

It’s a crappy way to live when you’re always on guard.

Are they nervous and afraid or are they lying?

Consequently, many targets of bullying get accused by authority of lying about the bullying they suffer. Why? Because people all too often mistake nervousness and anxiousness for deception. If you’ve ever read “Othello,” by William Shakespeare, you’ll get a clearer picture of this heartbreaking scenario.

Many targets are often afraid to even look people in the eye, especially those with Asperger’s and on the Autism Spectrum. And being bullied to the point of lacking eye contact is a terrible thing. Although bad eye contact or complete lack of can, in fact signal deception, it’s usually not the case with targets. When a person is suffering from bullying or any type of abuse, it usually conveys nervousness and terror.

Therefore, we must look at context. Have we witnessed others consistently bullying and abusing the target? It’s too easy to confuse fear with deception if we aren’t careful.

Other signals of nervousness and fear are shaking, sweating, lip-licking and touching the face and neck. Again, targets of bullying are anxious. Who wouldn’t be if they were relentlessly bullied?

Before we make the snap judgement that the target is lying or has something to hide, we should always look for other nonverbals that go with it. Moreover, we must look at context- the circumstances in which the nervousness comes about.

Submissive Body Language

Many targets of bullying also display submissive body language. No surprise there. They have encountered bullies who have abused them so badly and for so long that they feel helpless. They bullying these targets have endured has rendered them powerless.

Therefore, these poor souls tend to be overly forgiving. They want to stay as far away from conflict or criticism as humanly possible because they already get enough of it in their bullying environments, be it at school, work, or home.

These targets will usually have a sheepish look on their faces. They also stay motionless to keep from drawing attention to themselves. Moreover, they tend to hold their heads down and look down all the time.

Protective Behaviors

Targets of bullying often have closed body language, such as crossing the arms in front of them crossing their legs or hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck. This signals self-protection. Another thing they do is display bad posture by slouching.

This body language that targets display is so easy to spot, yet most people in authority either ignore it or don’t consider it. Worse even, it attracts bullies, users, and abusers!

Bullies can read this body language from a mile away and they will instantly think, “target!” and take full advantage.

It won’t be easy. However, if you’re a target of bullying, it is imperative that you watch your body language. And if you catch yourself displaying any of the above nonverbal cues, you must do your best to correct it.

How do You Stop Looking Like a Target?

When you catch yourself slouching, sit or stand up straight. If you see that you’re looking down, hold your head up and look ahead. Uncross your arms and legs, start making eye contact with people, and stop being overly forgiving. The last thing you want is to continue looking like bully-bait.

Begin seeing your worth and setting boundaries. Lose the sheepish look and replace it with the look of confidence.

Do these things and there’s a strong chance that your situation will improve drastically! And if you’re having difficultly, here are more ways you can buffer your self-esteem.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Many Targets of Bullying Seem to Have the Gift of Sight

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survivors x-ray eyes

No. They’re not clairvoyant and they can’t see into the future per se. But once a person is targeted for long enough, they grow people-wise and can predict the petty moves of bullies and unsavory people. These targets know what is going to be said by which person, word for word, in most cases.

Survivors of bullying, especially, can see the actions and nonverbal cues of people. And they can hear the words of the people around them and just know what’s going to happen or be said next. Veteran targets and survivors of bullying develop an uncanny ability to read people. It’s a gift they have developed within themselves over years or decades of being targeted.

Another thing they can do is see through smoke screens and other forms of fronts people try to hide behind. Targets are also good at seeing the signs of impending danger. They’re very in tune with what goes on around them, often without realizing it themselves. And why not? They have to be to survive.

A target may not come out and say it nor admit it, but they can read other people like a book. They can feel the emotions, mental states, moods, and intentions of others. They sense with amazing accuracy the vibes people put out.

However, they may not always listen to their intuitions, which is why they always seem to get into trouble. Because bullies have abused them, these targets often lose trust in themselves, and in it, trust in their feelings and senses, which is why they ignore those God-given instincts.

Therefore, if you’ve been a target of bullying for a long time and you fall into this category, don’t dismiss your inner predictions of other people as being paranoid. Pay attention to them and heed them because chances are that you’re right. Now is not the time to doubt yourself and what your brain and gut is trying to warn you about.

Use your predictions to your advantage and to cut off any attacks that are most likely coming.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How to Tell Whether They’re Laughing With You or At You

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bully laughing at you

Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. And in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them. And this can cause a rift between the target and a person who’s a mean-meaning friend.

So, how can you tell the difference?

Here’s how:

1. Laughing with you: Eye contact. The person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing.

Laughing at you: Lack of eye contact. The person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing.

2. Laughing with you: The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.

Laughing at you: The laugher usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker.

laughing with you

3. Laughing with you: How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.

Laughing at you: The person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.

And it depends on context.

4. Laughing with you: The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.

Laughing at you: There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh. The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or stupid, or because there’s anything wrong with you. They’re laughing at you to bring you down and boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.

bullies laughing gossip rumors lies talk

5. Laughing with you: The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.

Laughing at you: The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.

The sooner you recognize the differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people and the better relationships you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you. And ultimately, the better you’ll feel!

Another Weapon Bullies Can Use Is Your Predictability

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Being predictable is dangerous. Because if a bully can predict your reaction or your next move, it’s game over. Remember that bullies are very socially intelligent, and they tend to spot behavior patterns in their victims.

Bullies carefully observe a potential target, looking for any patterns of behavior, habits, and weaknesses. They closely monitor your reactions to everything, what ticks you off, what makes you happy, and what excites you. They scrutinize the way you do things, even the way you arrange objects.

They study your moods, body language, and expressions to feel out your emotional state. And in observing you, bullies leave no stone unturned.

Bullies are like bank robbers who case out a bank before pulling off the heist. The robbers get the bank’s layout, search for any vulnerabilities in the security system, and look for any patterns of patrols and the comings and goings there.

Is it any wonder that being targeted for bullying can feel like being under a microscope? Like you’re being watched? It’s because you are!

Being too predictable is unwise when you’re bullied. Instead, make it a point to be unpredictable. Be as fluid with every as you possibly can. I know it won’t be easy because we’re all creatures of habit. It’s going to take work.

But understand that bullies fear a fluid person and will leave him/her alone if they aren’t sure how they’ll react. So, try new things every day, in everything. It will surely pay off!

The more you know, the better your defense.