What does victim blaming look like? ‘Want to know exactly how to recognize when you’re being blamed for the bullying you suffer. Here are all the signs you need to know about.
Victim blaming is ugly in that it re-victimizes victims, over and over again.
Therefore, in this post is all the answers to the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can know how to recognize it when you see it and how to defend yourself against victim blaming behavior it when a bully tries it with you.
Once you learn to see it when it happens, you will better be able to call it out when it happens to you or anyone else.
This post answers the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can see victim blaming for what it is and tackle it immediately.
What does victim blaming look like?
Many times, when you call out or report bullying, your bullies will blame you for their despicable behavior just to take the guilt off themselves.
So, what is the definition of victim blaming?
According to Welsh Women’s Aid, “Victim blaming is any response that explicitly states or implies that the victim is to blame for the abuse they have experienced.”
In cases of bullying, Targets Never Become Targets Overnight
Victim blaming doesn’t only happen to victims of bullying, it can also happen to victims of crimes, such as rape and domestic assault. Moreover, the blame can come from the perpetrators, other people, or even law enforcement, who is supposed to help victims.
The same happens to victims of bullying as well. Bullies are notorious for blaming their victims for their atrocious abuse. However, blame can also come from peers, teachers, coworkers, supervisors and managers.
This happens especially when the bullying of a certain individual first begins. Therefore, if you’re beginning to see subtle signs of bullying by others, be very careful. Why?
Because, any time bullies select a potential target, they start out subtle and sweet with their bullying. The reason bullies are subtle at first is because they’re testing the waters. In other words, they’re probing you to see how you respond and if you’re an easy target.
If you overlook their behavior, or response too emotionally, your bullies will slowly move on to more obvious verbal abuse. However, if you respond the right way by being assertive and telling them in no uncertain terms to stop the behavior, they will leave you alone. Keep in mind that this only works in the early stages of bullying.
And sadly, most people don’t stand up for themselves in the early stages. Therefore, again, bullies progress to more blatant verbal abuse.
Your bullies may try to blame you. However, continue to stand strong. Don’t back down and refuse to accept blame. Then, eventually, they’ll leave you alone.
What Does Victim Blaming Look Like?
1. Bullies Ridicule You and tell you to “Get Over It.”
Bullies will ridicule you for the way you feel about their abuse. Moreover, they taunt you if you have the guts to call them out on it. But see them for who they are.
- “Get over it!”
- “Let it go!”
- “Forget about it!”
Whatever way they say it, it usually means the same.
Realize that bullies are self-entitled turds who think you should just let them ride roughshod over you. Also, they believe that you’re wrong for even trying to defend against the abuse.
Maybe they know they’re in the wrong but don’t want you to notice it.
How many of you have been told to do either of these? As if you could just wiggle your nose and everything is peachy king. When you’ve been abused, you cannot just let it go. Healing takes time.
The emotions you feel won’t just go away. Even if you paint a smile on your face and pretend that nothing’s wrong, these feelings will still be there.
They’ll only simmer under the surface. Moreover, the more you try to stuff them down and bury them, the more damage it will cause.
Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way that you do.
Understand that the emotions you’re feeling are there for a reason. They warn you that something isn’t right. Realize that the anger and hurt won’t disappear overnight.
Know that the people who give you that kind of response do so out of ignorance and entitlement. Moreover, they only re-abuse you when they demand that you “get over it.”
In order to heal and get your life back again, you must allow yourself to feel those raw emotions. No, it isn’t comfortable. No one wants to feel pain.
However, you must go through it to come out on the other side of it. And while you’re moving through the pain, practice self-care.
Give yourself some TLC. Have self-compassion. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to baby yourself.
Take a few days off. Lounge around the house in your pajamas if you want to. Eat your favorite treat or give yourself a good, sweaty workout.
Also, treat yourself to a spa-day, facial, new do, or a beach vacation. Your first priority is self-care, whatever that may be.
Last and most importantly, don’t shut up! Tell your bullies to take a long walk off a short pier.
Also, keep speaking out and standing in your truth. Self-care also means being your own advocate and if people don’t like it, too bad.
Put yourself first!
2. What does victim blaming look like?
Shifting focus from your bullies’ actions to your reactions.
This is a classic bully-move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.
Your bullies do this for three reasons.
- To silence you.
- To make you ashamed of defending yourself.
- Also, to make you doubt your own judgement.
- To discredit you.
Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth. Therefore, keep talking.
3. Questioning the victim’s reactions.
Many times, when you defend yourself against bullying, people will question your reaction. They may ask, “Why didn’t you walk away when the bully hit you? You didn’t have to sink to their level by hitting them back.
However, bullies don’t honor someone who walks away. People may tell you to be the bigger person and walk away from the bully. But how do you know that your bully won’t sucker punch you the moment you turn your back?
Realize that bullies only understand strength. Therefore, strength is what you respond with. Punch their lights out!
You have to let them know that if they lay hands on you, there will be consequences.
4. What does victim blaming look like?
Bringing attention to the victim’s flaws and weaknesses.
Your bullies may say that your weight or your big ears are the reason you get bullied. They may make remarks such as, “Maybe if you weren’t such an oinker, no one would mess with you.”
Be that as it may, no one has the right to bully you. Ever!
Therefore, don’t fall that bullshit. Continue to stand your ground!
5. Trivializing the victim’s pain.
“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?
Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain.
Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!
Again, don’t let them gaslight you! Keep standing up for yourself.
6. Removing the bully’s name.
For instance, instead of saying, “Billy beat Kelly up,” bystanders will say, “Kelly got beat up!”
Many times, the bully’s friends and followers will do this to protect their friend. Therefore, they cover for their buddy while taunting you because Billy beat the crap out of you.
7. What does victim blaming look like?
Suggesting that you had it coming.
Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. They may say that you made them do it.
They’ll make statements, such as,
- “You ‘made me‘ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
- “You ‘make‘ people want to hurt you!”
- “Don’t ‘make me‘ hurt you!”
- “Don’t ‘make me‘ mad!”
However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to blame you and take the guilt off themselves.
Think about this. If they can make you take the blame for their abuse, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like the innocent victims while making you look like the bully.
8. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.
For example, if you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”
Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.
9. Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.
School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”
If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put if off on you. Don’t let them do it!
Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it!
This post addressed the question, “what does victim blaming look like,” So you’ll recognize it when it happens and defend yourself against it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying
2. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms
3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of
4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
