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social chameleon meaning

Social Chameleon: Why Bullies and Victims Mask Themselves

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‘Want to know all about the social chameleon and why bullies and victims become them? Here’s a description of each group and the different reasons they try to blend socially.

social chameleon

It’s normal to adapt to the people around us. Everyone does this to a degree. However, to completely mask who you are is unhealthy but in some situations, understandable.

Most people who mask their true personalities do it to avoid being rejected, bullied, or shunned. Victims of bullying do it for survival. Bullies, on the other hand, do it for deceptive purposes. They do it to hide evil intentions and behavior.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the social chameleon and the situations that make cause you to become one.

Once you learn all about these details. You will be able to understand yourself better if you get targeted by bullies. Moreover, this post will prompt you to give yourself compassion, but also to slowly remove the mask so that you can let your true self shine.

This post is all about the social chameleon and the reasons why bullies and victims mask their true personalities.

Social Chameleon

Both bullies and victims put up facades. However, they each do it for totally different reasons.

Bullies Mask Themselves to Control Others.

A bully must work like a dog to keep up the facades. These facades help bullies to hide their evil behavior, avoid accountability, and ultimately maintain control over their targets and victims.

On the other hand, targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in to them for the moment to stay safe.  However, they eventually find ways to rebel and break free.

Moreover, they do it by either fighting, fawning, resorting to trickery or fleeing. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that you push against someone who abuses you and makes you out to be someone you’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to keep control of you, you fight harder to break their control.

As this goes on, bullies must tighten their grip. Moreover, the weight of their own lies and manipulations only grows heavier on their shoulders. Therefore, bullies must constantly search for newer and better ways to conceal their lies.

They must also look for ways to silence and subdue you. And they need to think up new lies and excuses for their bullying behavior so others won’t figure them out and begin supporting you.

Social Chameleon:

Bullies only get by on appearances.

The acts they put on are only illusions. Therefore, the bully’s entire facade is a mirage. Without it, they have no leg to stand on.

As a result, the constant threat of exposure weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with cracks in their personalities and behavior. These cracks are like smoldering hot spots, after the townspeople have extinguished a house fire.

They threaten to reignite and blaze again. Therefore, these towns people frantically run around, pouring buckets of water on these hot spots to make sure they don’t blaze up again.

It’s the same with bullies and their evil personalities and behavior. They must consistently cover themselves to keep their wrongdoings secret. Moreover, they must keep up the illusion of gleaming white perfection.

Bullies need to impress others.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best. If they can’t be the best, then they’ll, at least, give that impression. Putting on an act and controlling you isn’t an easy task.

Therefore, your bullies must continuously struggle to do it..

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must get others to agree. How else can they avoid accountability if they don’t have others backing them?

Moreover, how can bullies feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations? Again, they need other people to approve.

And when a bully forces others to agree with their behavior against a victim, their fear of exposure is even more obvious.

Social Chameleon:

Most people don’t recognize it when bullies are deceiving them.

Sadly, most people can’t or refuse to recognize it. Why? Because they’re too scared. Understand that fear blocks others’ ability to think clearly.

In that, it blinds them to evidence, contexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see.  When a person encounters a bully, he must keep his head straight.

Only then will they realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threat, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down.

Therefore, the primal brain takes center stage.

Again, bullies work the hardest to cover themselves. They often grow angry, resentful, and bitter because of it.

Why? Because they don’t understand why they have to expend so much effort.

Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life. And it’s because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas.

Bullies also reject any new ideas and information. Moreover, they resist responsibility and teamwork. Bullies don’t respect anyone unless it benefits them.

You can’t help but to pity them. Can you imagine the difficult lives these people live? You can’t hate those who live such pitiful existences.

Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. However, look at it this way. Wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are. It may not seem like it. But you are. Take comfort in it.

Social Chameleon:

Victims mask themselves for survival.

Here’s why you may become a social chameleon if you suffer bullying. It’s to keep others from further bullying and abusing you.

You may not be good at it at first. But you fake it until you make it.

When people bully you, you learn very quickly to either blend in with those around you or get eaten alive. You become highly self-aware and good at reading the emotions and nonverbal cues of others.

Therefore, you may learn to self-monitor and rehearse everything you do and say.

Understand that your mind will equip itself with scripts for every situation and conversation. You’ll pay close attention to body language and mimic others’ behavior.

Also, you’ll learn to pick up on other people’s moods and adapt yourself to any situation.

And it usually proves to be a useful skill.

As you get older, you get better and better at acting. In that, you also grow better at getting people to like you. You become expert at impressing people and ingratiating yourself into all kinds of groups.

In other words, you learn to quickly switch gears and change with your environment. You can be the life of the party or you can be quiet and reserved.

You can be introverted, extroverted, funny, charismatic, relaxed, wild, emotional, or stoic. Therefore, when you learn to detect the moods of others, you adapt yourself to match those moods.

Becoming a social chameleon is a Common Defense Against Bullying.

Understand that victims of bullying do this out of survival instinct. Even survivors who haven’t healed do it.

We become masters of deception. We mask to cool the anger of others in social situations gone wrong. Also, we mask to earn respect.

Everyone masks to a certain degree. Depending on the situation or people around us, we present different versions of ourselves. Victims of bullying, on the other hand, mask on steroids!

 You become an expert at blending in and being accepted. In fact, you polish your self-presentations.

In fact, it becomes so ingrained and natural to you, after so long, that you don’t even know you’re doing it. Many targets of bullying are bullied in school. However, they eventually learn to get along with anyone and are exceptionally well-liked as adults.

I have done this myself.

This is how we ensure that no one ever bullies us again. Moreover, this is how we get people to like us. We know too well what not to do or say.

The key to being successful at this is to not realize you’re doing it! Any conscious effort, on the other hand, comes off as contrived.

And once you no longer have to think about it, it becomes natural. Therefore, it’s no longer fake.

Practice Makes Perfect.

When you get older, you’ve practiced this for so long that you’ve become intuitively attuned to other’s responses to you. Therefore, you can effortlessly adapt your behavior when you sense that you aren’t making the right impression.

You keep a few good saves in your back pocket just in case a social situation goes awry. Moreover, you do this so well that you instinctively know what’s expected before you make a social move.

You become highly successful at making good impressions in social encounters with total strangers and in business. Your personality becomes so fluid and unpredictable that you emit an air of mystery that intrigues others.

This only adds to your attractiveness. However, this comes at a high cost!

For me, being a social chameleon grew exhausting and I chose to dial it down a few notches. I’ve found that it is much more relaxing to be myself and not to give a crap what others think.

Being a Social Chameleon Only Exhausts You.

Masking is exhausting. Also, the knowing that you weren’t true to your core beliefs and convictions has a heavy price. It leaves you feeling as if you sold your soul to the devil!

Moreover, it leaves an emptiness inside you that you can’t fill unless you start being your authentic self.

Therefore, it’s much better to be yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. You may make a few enemies but it’s much better than being a fraud.

Moreover, I’d much rather have a few people who don’t like me than to give up my identity and my authenticity!

Therefore, be yourself! Be comfortable in your own skin! Embrace all your imperfections, because we all have them. Give yourself permission to say no and to voice an opinion some may not like. Because to be yourself is freedom!

This post was all about the social chameleon, why bullies and victims alike become them, and the emotional costs of being one.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

5. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

Which Would You Rather Be?

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Hated for Being Smart or Pitied for Being Dumb?

I ask this question because many intelligent people try to hide their smarts for fear of hatred and bullying. They let others convince them that, because of their smarts, they come off as know-it-alls. Others tell them to dumb down because they “don’t want to make others feel bad about themselves.” They may even tell them to tone it down a little or they just might offend some people.

This is total BS!

I want you to know one thing right now! It is not your responsibility to make someone else feel good about themselves. Whether your intelligence offends others is not your problem. Their hatred of you is also not your problem.

Continue to be Your Smart Self

Understand that the reason why your intelligence may offend some people is because they are either jealous, intimidated, or insecure. It’s because of their own unaddressed psychological issues- issues that they’re trying to lay off on you.

Your intelligence may inspire some to doubt their own smarts and mental capabilities. Also, it may provoke others to compare themselves to you. Again, not your responsibility. They are the ones doubting and questioning their own intelligence. They are the ones who are making comparisons. You aren’t doing these things to them. They are doing it to themselves!

You are Not Responsible for Someone Else’s Feelings

Again, you are not responsible for another person’s self-esteem. Only they can do the inner work needed to raise their confidence levels. Therefore, if they’re too lazy to do that inner work, that’s on them!

Here’s another point I want to make: The hate that’s directed at you never feels good and can be frightening. But always remember that there’s dignity in being hated, but none in being pitied.

Yes, you read that correctly. When people hate you, you still have your dignity. But when they pity you, you’ve lost all dignity and respect!

Others hate smart people, but they pity the stupid.

Therefore, never hide your intelligence from anyone. Let yourself stand out and shine. And never feel tempted to hide your brilliance because you’re afraid of being bullied, ridiculed, or hated by others. Instead, ask yourself,

“Would you rather be hated for being smart or pitied for being dumb?”

I rest my case.

4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Change to Appease Bullies

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Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.

You should always be yourself and never allow bullies to change you. Here are the reasons why:

1. If the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.

But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?

2. Trying to be someone you aren’t to please others requires too much effort. Why would you want to expend so much work to fake your way through life? You’ll be watching every word that comes out of your mouth and every step you make, which means, you’ll be in a constant state of high alert because you’ll always worry what others think of you. Even if you do get accepted by others by being fake, it won’t make you happy. This is no way to live!

3. There will always be those who don’t like you no matter what you do. Therefore, all that extended effort, just to be liked, is all for naught. You’ll be jumping through hoops for other people. You’ll be shape-shifting yourself into a pretzel and in most cases, it doesn’t make people like you any better. What it does is cause you to live a life of undue stress and anxiety. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.

4. Genuine people and those who matter will only lose respect for you. Let’s be real here. No one likes nor respects a person who is fake. You won’t be taken seriously and, in most cases, you’ll only be bullied worse for your willingness to bend over backwards to gain acceptance. In other words, you’ll only get the opposite outcomes to what you hope for. How disappointing!

Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.

I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.

For example, bullies aren’t the only people who will try to change you. The media and other puppet masters also want us to change- even change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!

If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?

Who do they think they are?

Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?

Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?

And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.

Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.

And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.

And the media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!

These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???

As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.

And that’s the message I have for the radicals out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!

Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.

Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

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Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

be yourself

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.