Tag: advice for targets of bullying

confidence-building techniques for students

Confidence-Building Techniques: 15 Powerful Tips You Can Use

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‘Want to know some confidence-building techniques? Here are 15 excellent tips you can use to build your self-esteem and start feeling great about yourself!

confidence-building techniques

Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have. And not only during school to ward off bullies, but all through life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn fifteen confidence-building techniques you can use to become more confident.

Once you have learned all this crucial information, you will gain confidence in yourself. And most of all, you will be able to keep the bullies away.

This post is all about confidence-building techniques that you can learn and use to boost your self-esteem and self-worth.

Confidence-Building Techniques.

It does not matter how smart you are or how high your grades are. You can have five PhDs and be the most intelligent person on the face of the earth.

However, if you lack confidence, you will struggle to communicate or interact effectively with others. Your people skills will be lacking, and you won’t get anywhere in life.

The reality is that other people do indeed have a significant impact on whether you succeed or fail in life. Others are the gatekeepers to our success, and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

What Happens When You Lack Confidence?

You can’t achieve that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person —the interviewer. This person could be the company owner or an HR manager.

Even during school, the vast majority of teachers are honest and grade students fairly, regardless of how they may feel about them. However, it’s still not unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence equals excellent people skills—great people skills equal charm. Charm is often associated with having great friends and connections. Having great friends and connections equals success.

People skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

Confidence-Building Techniques:

Confidence is SOMETHING Others notice instantly.

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself.

If you’re not, it’s doubtful that they will hire you. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

Make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life. It’s the first trait that potential employers look for. And not only potential employers but also prospective associates, customers, friends, and dates.

Whether or not you are confident is something that everyone looks at, unless they have low self-esteem themselves.

Never let anyone take away your confidence.

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like hell to get it back.

You must realize that if a person steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success. Additionally, they eliminate any possibilities for happiness. In short, they steal your future.

Bullies are confidence thieves! Again, never surrender your confidence to anyone! Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

If you ever encounter bullying, be sure to guard your confidence and self-esteem. Because your life truly does depend on it!

Confidence-Building Techniques:

Here are the 15 confidence-building techniques.

The techniques below can serve as a buffer to your self-esteem and build the confidence you need to stand up to bullies.

1. Watch and Listen

Believe it or not, your bullies get talked about, too. They have numerous enemies. And why not? They’ve been walking over others for a long time.

So, you can bet they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them – adversaries who are more than happy to tell you all about your bullies’ weaknesses.

And when they do, you’ll feel so much better about yourself. Why? Because you’ll discover that your bullies aren’t as invincible as they appear.

2. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Know that you aren’t the only one they have bullied

Seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you.

Why do you think they are so good at making you feel bad about yourself? How do you think they became so skilled at it?

They didn’t get that way overnight. It stemmed from years of trial and error. Therefore, they figured out what worked and what didn’t.

Your bullies had to have had guinea pigs (previous victims) to practice on.

3. Collect info on your bullies.

Find out about their personal and family lives. You can bet that bullies have family problems, too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to prove something.

As I stated earlier, they have enemies. Find these enemies and cozy up to them. Then, have them tell you what they know about your bullies.

I have done it many times, and I can tell you that you’ll be surprised at the tidbits you discover!

4. Ingratiate yourself with others your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a piece of cake! Align yourself with these other victims. And be there for them when they need you. In fact, be there for those who are suffering.

Why? Because if you’re there for them, then it’s likely that they will be there for you, too.

Bullies run in packs, so why can’t their targets? Understand that strength comes in numbers, and bullies prefer loners.  If you band together with other victims of bullying, your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Again, bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Keep company only with those who uplift you.

A true friend uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. They encourage you, have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

All too often, victims latch on to fake friends – frenemies who only tolerate them. These frenemies will subtly humiliate you in public. Then they throw you under the bus when you’re in trouble.

You may cling to fakes because you’re desperate for connections. And when these “friends” treat you like garbage, you may make excuses for them.

Why? Because you believe that anything is better than being friendless. I made that mistake myself when I suffered bullying in school.

6. Let Go of Fake Friends.

If nothing else, understand this right now! Anyone who belittles you, even a little bit, is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely.

You are vulnerable to them – vulnerable for them to use and take advantage of you. That is the only reason they hang around!

Do you want friends like that? I hope not! I hope that you will do what I finally did the last year of school. Which is ditch those creeps, and find friends who genuinely like you and want to be with you!

7. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Show off your talents and gifts

If you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! So, if you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

Once you’ve suffered bullying for so long, your self-esteem is shot to hell. As a result, you will hide the gifts you were born with. But it’s better to let others see what you’re best at.

Yes, you may attract a few haters, but celebrities have them too. So, let your talents shine! You’d be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem. I promise you!

8. Do the things that fill your soul.

In other words, do the things you love to do most. Whether you love to swim, hike, or camp, find opportunities to do these things.

Why? Because they raise your happiness quotient exponentially! The more happy moments you have, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will help to buffer your self-esteem against personal attacks. In other words, it will lessen the pain of the attacks. Why? Because you’ll know you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life.

This is solid proof that counters any toxic claims people may try to make. And you’ll feel much better about yourself.

It will also help correct the imbalance between adversity and success. Many victims often experience numerous social failures and only a few successes. If you do these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

9. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Know yourself.

This means knowing who you are, your likes, and what you will and will not accept.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly toxic people, to do it for you.

When you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying. Why? Because you trust your gut instincts.

Therefore, you’re better able to recognize it. And when you can identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it. Instead, you’ll refuse to accept what you won’t put up with.

10. Know where bullying comes from.

Realize that most bullying comes from insecurity. Those who are insecure will often try to make others feel bad so they can feel good about themselves.

Also, many bullies subconsciously think that they’re inferior. So, they try to lord it over you to look superior. You must realize that they are not happy people. Those who are truly happy and secure with their lives do not need to put others down.

11. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Set boundaries.

A lack of boundaries invites disrespect. In other words, when you have no limits, others will walk over you. They’ll treat you like garbage because they know they can get away with it.

But, when you set boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself to keep those who want to abuse you away. Setting boundaries means saying “no” when you must.

It also means standing up to those who verbally or physically abuse you. If they insult you, comeback with something that humiliates them. If they hit you, defend yourself.

Setting boundaries is the only thing that will keep away anyone who attempts to disrupt your peace.

12. Take care of your body.

This means taking care of your hygiene, grooming yourself, and maintaining your health. It also means eating right and exercising.

And lastly, it means dressing your best. So, take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

13.  Work on your goals.

What is your passion? What are the things you would like to work toward? And what do you hope to accomplish?

If you have goals, work to achieve them. Not only will you be more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, achieving those goals will significantly boost your confidence.

Additionally, if you haven’t achieved them yet, you’ll be so busy working that the haters won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

14. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Make affirmations every day.

This is as easy as looking in the mirror each morning and making “I am” statements to yourself. For example, you can say,

  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM smart.”
  • “I AM better than what they say.”
  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of love and friendship.”
  • “I deserve respect and dignity.”

There are many affirmations you can choose to tell yourself. This may be awkward at first. However, the longer you practice this technique, the more natural it will feel. And, most importantly, the better you will feel about yourself.

You will be surprised at how much this will boost your confidence level.

15. Talk to someone.

Tell a trusted family member, friend, or teacher about how others are treating you. Additionally, you can also consult a therapist.

But whatever you do, don’t be silent about it. You cannot afford to bury your experiences and emotions. The anger and sadness will only fester if you do.

Talk to anyone you trust. Why? Because when you talk about it, you release all the negative emotions that have slowly built up due to abuse.

In closing

Your self-esteem and confidence levels determine the entire trajectory of your life. They determine your successes, failures, and how others perceive you. Therefore, it’s crucial to guard your confidence with everything you have.

Moreover, if you’re low on it, you must learn techniques to rebuild it. And never allow bullies and toxic people to strip it away. Why? Because if they destroy your confidence, they’ll destroy your life.

The purpose of this post is to give you the confidence-building techniques to save your mental health so that you can keep toxic people away and preserve your peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

Bullying and Self-Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

The importance of confidence

Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

25 Signs of a Toxic Person

Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

how to make friends when everyone hates you at work

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

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‘Want to know how to make friends when everyone hates you? Here are all the tips and tricks that you need to know about.

how to make friends when everyone hates you

If you’re a victim of bullying, chances are good that your bullies have turned everyone else against you. Now, what do you do?

In this post, you will learn exactly how to make friends when everyone hates you.

Once you learn about this life-changing information, you will be able to establish common ground and form lasting friendships that last a lifetime. Moreover, you will be able to take back a degree of control over your social life.

This post is all about how to make friends when everyone hates you. This is so you can make life-long friends, defeat isolation, and repair your self-esteem. Also, you can have protection against your bullies.

How to make friends when Everyone Hates You

It’s bad enough when bullies come for you. However, when they turn everyone else against you, it’s twice as damaging. But what if I told you that there were ways you could still make friends?

It’s true. There are many ways you can make friends despite all the damage your bullies have done to your reputation and social connections. Here are ways you can do it!

1. Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

If you’ve ever been a target of relentless bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there.

It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has. And you can’t take another chance of it happening again.

But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with.

They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment. So, you aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to be one.

With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and start anew.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person, because people love those who show genuine interest in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one-in-a-million you.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

2. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Befriend Other Targets of Bullying.

The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that to find good friendships, you must establish common ground.

Recognize that individuals who share similar activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a higher probability of forming close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.

How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.

When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it confirms that they aren’t alone in the fight. Also, it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends might back you up the next time bullies come calling.

Commonalities Attract

Additionally, it reinforces the fact that you are not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others tell you, you can make friends.

It sends the message that you are a likable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.

When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.

Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves.

When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground that quickly develops rapport.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

A “Target Rich Environment”

If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target-rich environment” for yourself by staying among other targets.

I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re drawn to people with similar desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a breeze!

But how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?

You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a T-shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s a shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.

What a person is doing also gives clues. Additionally, their posture reveals many tells. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone or slumping in their chair, they may be a target of bullies.

And, if they don’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You might be the friend they’re looking for!

3. Realize that Bullies Get talked about too.

If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you’re a victim of bullies in a small town, you will be the topic of gossip. And that gossip will reach from city limits to city limits.

However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about, too. However, people rarely discuss them openly. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the conversations are always held in secret.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. However, the others are likely to deny being bullied. Also, bullies will never tell you if there are others. So, you’ll mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

You’ll discover embarrassing info about your bullies.

If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some embarrassing information about my bullies!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”.

Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another. She would either get fired or quit when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

How Bullies Usually End Up

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even.

Several others are incarcerated or have been. One was convicted of murder, and another was convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Joneses. They want everyone to think they have beaten the rat race, but are failing miserably.

Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:

Here’s a Quick Recap of the First Two Tips.

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Why? Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from other outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised by what you discover. Your bullies may get laughed at, too. People are only careful about who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People like these must work hard to maintain the facades they present to the world.

And the reason they give victims a difficult time is that victims don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies. And I would get an earful every time we got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Bullies don’t want you to know that they have enemies.

Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies… LOTS of them!

However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. Bullies don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs. Why? Because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, it will work to trash your self-esteem. Then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head, that you’re just plain garbage.

A bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serve to reinforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long. And bullies know this.

So, please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes to your worth. See behind the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on.

Once you do, I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

4. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Befriend the enemies of your bullies.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Your bullies’ enemies may not necessarily be those they have bullied. Instead, they may be witnesses who have seen how they mistreat others.

As the age-old proverb suggests, your bullies’ enemies are your friends. And they should be. If you are the target of a bully, rest assured that you haven’t been the first nor the only poor soul who has fallen victim.

Again, your bullies have enemies, whether they admit it or not. Only you don’t know it because bullies naturally put up the facade that they are beyond reproach. But every bit of it is a lie.

This may seem a little underhanded, but it isn’t. It bears repeating. Becoming friends with your bullies’ enemies will help you get them off your back.

In fact, social science has proven that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone) they dislike—a common enemy that they all share a passionate distaste for.

Find out who your bullies’ enemies are.

Again, you must identify who your bullies’ enemies are, connect with them, and form a friendship. Also, make sure to have their backs and vice versa, then you and your bullies’ enemies can unite as allies.

I guarantee that the enemies, whoever they are, will be more than happy to oblige and you will instantly become comrades!

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:

There’s strength in numbers.

And rarely do lone wolves survive in the social world. Thank evolution for that one. The more of your bullies’ enemies you can make friends and allies, the more protection and support you will get.

Remember that bullies are often cowards, and they frequently pursue the lone wolf. So, if you can become friends with as many of your bullies’ enemies as possible, the bullying will stop. Why? Because bullies never attack anyone who is surrounded by others.

Then your bullies will go find another victim and leave you alone. How I wish I had thought of this back when I was in school! Things definitely would have been a lot different!

You always have options.

This post was all about how to make friends when everyone hates you so that you can find ways to get support.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Make Friends When You Have None at School or at Work

2. Bullies Have Enemies: 3 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage

3. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

4. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

bullying and personal responsibility at work

Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

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‘Want to know about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety? Here are all the reasons you must know about.

bullying and personal responsibility

Bullying and personal responsibility go hand in hand when victims and targets defend themselves against bullying. Why? Because they’re taking responsibility for their safety.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety instead of relying too much on someone coming to rescue you.

Once you learn all these important facts, you will feel free to stand up to bullies on your own if you’ve reported bullying and been ignored.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you can stop depending on people in authority who refuse to help you and take control of the situation.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility

If you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you.

Moreover, they have brainwashed you into believing that you aren’t worthy of respect, love, or friendship. Moreover, they’ve sabotaged your ability to get a date and of having happiness and success.

In essence, they have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. They may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread to keep you down.

Bullies not only sabotage you relationships, they also wreak havoc on your opportunities and life-chances. They turn everyone against you. Moreover, these are people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Your bullies have sucked the life out of you. As a result, you’ve become a shell of your former self. All because your bullies have held you emotionally hostage for so many years

You’ve tried many time to report the bullying. However, most of the people who have the power to help you refuse to listen to you.

These people could be your teachers, principal, supervisor, or your HR manager. Whoever they are, they don’t want to help you. Or worse, they may have sided with the bullies and blamed you.

Therefore, isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must use the anger constructively.

You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up. They know that sometimes, it’s too easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble.

That’s what your bullies are looking for. Therefore, they push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something foolish. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

1. No one else is coming to rescue you. Your safety is on you.

Life is but a vapor and we only get one chance in this world. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to make that chance count.

If bullies make a derogatory statement to you. It’s up to you to counter that statement. Therefore, start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may throw at you.

Tell yourself that you are awesome. Also, tell yourself that you’re a trooper and you deserve much better than the shit people have been giving you.

Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they have no control over your life and they no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

If you’re a victim of bullying, can you truly and totally rely on people in authority to help you? Can you rely on them to do something about the bullying you suffer?

Moreover, can you depend on them to hold your bullies accountable for their horrible behavior? Can you rely on others to bring you justice?

The answer is a resounding NO!

2. You cannot legislate bullying out of Bullies.

In other words, you cannot pass laws against it and think that it will go away. Passing laws against bullying will get a lot of innocent victims of it in trouble.

I used to be all about laws against bullying. And yes, the idea sounds great. I won’t pretend it doesn’t.

However, I’m beginning to gravitate away from making bullying a crime. Why? Because most people aren’t going to protect targets until it happens to them or one of theirs.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

3. Anti-Bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.

You cannot rely too much on policies. Why? Because they have no teeth!

Schools and workplaces, can write all the anti-bullying rules and policies they want. But, until they enforce those policies, they’re only as cheap as the ink and paper administrators use to make them.

In other words, what good are laws and policies if these entities don’t enforce them? And, at what point do we stop relying on the system to protect us and begin protecting ourselves?

Understand that, no matter what anyone says, you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s crap. Therefore, it’s up to you to stand up to bullies and do it properly.

And if defending yourself doesn’t work, you have the option to remove yourself from the situation and environment.

We Must Learn to Take Care of Ourselves

Here’s another reason I’m gravitating away from making bullying a crime. It’s because most seasoned bullies have ways of making innocent targets look like the bullies.

Therefore, if lawmakers make bullying an imprison-able crime, many innocent targets would end up behind bars. Because, again, bullies, especially those with NPD, have a flare for flipping the script and, very convincingly, painting their victim as the bad guy.

Too many targets have been conditioned to think that self-defense is wrong. It isn’t!

And the people who condition these victims are often bullies themselves. Therefore, if bullies target you for bullying, you must know your enemies. You must do a lot of study and research on bullies, then use the knowledge you gain to outmaneuver them.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Do Your Own Investigation

Also, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. That means detailed documentation.

Moreover, you may need to use the last resort and bust the bully in the mouth if all else fails and the bully tries to physically attack you. It’s the only way you can effectively defend yourself.

Remember! Most school officials, parents and even law enforcement don’t realize the daily horrors that victims endure.

Moreover, bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making their victims looks like the guilty party.

It takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to school staff and authorities. Why? Because in most cases, people in power will only rebuff or blame you for the torment.

These are only a few reasons why it is so important that you keep a daily journal if you are ever targeted by bullies.

You Must Document Every Bullying Incident in Detail.

In other words, keep a daily journal and write down what happened in full detail. Moreover, when you write about it, use the 5W Method.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

What is the 5W Method?

When you use the 5W Method, you record what, who, when, where, and why. Sometimes, you must also record how it happened. The trick is to write down every detail you can.

Using the 5W Method helps you do that.

1. What

Write down what happened… in detail. Describe the attack exactly as it happened. Also, do it while it’s still fresh in your memory.

2. Who

Write down the names of the bullies – the people involved in the attack. Moreover, record the names of any bystanders and witnesses. These people will be anyone who is present when your bullies attack you.

3. When

Jot down the exact time, date when the provocation occurred.

4. Where

Write down the place the altercation occurred. For example, if the bullying attack happened at school, did it happen in the bathroom?

If so, write down that you were in the bathroom when it happened.

5. Why

If your bully attacked you because you reported a prior bullying incident, write that down. This is super important!

6. If need be, write down how it happened.

The more details you can give, the better!

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Record every Bullying incident, no matter how subtle.

Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out! Even if the attacks are seen as minor, such as snickering when you you walk in the room, you must still record it in your journal.

I can’t stress this enough- keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves. Also, they’re admissible in court. Therefore, you’ll have a record to present to a judge if you need to take legal action.

When I was in school, I kept a journal of the bullying I suffered and I still have some of the material today. In fact, it helped me to write my book, “From Victim to Victor” and tell the story of how I was bullied by my classmates.

Keep your Bullying Journal Private.

This is a must! Bullies are notorious for snooping through their victim’s belongings. Also, they’ll destroy your property. Therefore, keep your journal at home and write in it as soon as you get home.

 This should go without saying, you certainly wouldn’t want the wrong people to find it. Because, if they do, your bullies will destroy your evidence. Also, they will retaliate against you for having it in the first place.

Again, keep it at home!

Wear a Body Camera or Keep a Digital Recorder on you and record the bullying.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Save any mean or threatening emails, Texts, social media posts, comments, or private messages on three or more different thumb Drives.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

In Conclusion

You are responsible for your safety. When you suffer bullying, it’s up to you to do your own investigation and gather your own evidence.

The last thing you should do is depend on anyone else. Report the bullying, yes. However, if the school or company doesn’t do anything about it. Then, you must do what you have to do to build your own case.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you’ll know exactly what to do if you ever encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

physical bullying definition

Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

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‘Want to know what you should do if you endure physical bullying. Here are the self-protection measures I and many other overcomers of bullying swear by.

physical bullying

Being punched, kicked, choked, and shoved plagues millions of victims in school, at work, in the neighborhood, and in the home each year.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the physical bully. Moreover, you’ll discover the mindset behind this kind of abuse.

Once you learn all about these types of people, you will be better able to protect yourself against them. Here is what you can do if a bully thinks they’re entitled to put their hands on you.

This post is all about physical bullying so that you can know what’s behind it and how to defend against it.

First, let’s learn the exact mindset and motives of this dangerous type of abuse.

The Psychology Behind Physical Bullying

These types of bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

  • “Nobody will listen to me.”
  • “I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”
  • “They don’t value me.”
  • “They don’t respect me.”
  • “I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”
  • “I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

People who use force Are the Weakest of All

However, that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t want the bully to beat them up. In other words, they never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm.

True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. When people have a choice and they choose to do something you want, the result is so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

People who uses Physical bullying often compare themselves with others.

They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate or at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets.

In other words, hese people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. So, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Using this kind of Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.
  • “(The target) is wrong for defying me.”
  • “He never listens to me.”
  • “She never pays attention to me.”
  • “That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

When these people shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  These individuals may look strong and mighty as they’re beating up on some poor helpless human being. However, what they really are is weak.

In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

those who use physical bullying are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, they may be creepy or unattractive and women find them repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

Therefore, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

Should you defend yourself from physical bullying by hitting back?

This seems to be the question on everyone’s mind these days, especially in the notoriously politically correct climate in which we live. The media and politicians vehemently discourage fighting violence with violence.

Moreover, you’ll hear statements from others, such as:

  • “Be the bigger person and walk away.”
  • “Two wrongs don’t make a right?”

I’ve heard them all.

Using more peaceful solutions, walking away from the bully and reporting it sounds good. However, sometimes peaceful solutions don’t work because they won’t let you be peaceful.

If you don’t stand up for yourself, the bully will only continue to come after you and hurt you. Also, everyone who knows you will see you as a punching bag at school or work and everywhere else.

Why? Because when word gets around that one person can hit you and get away with it, everyone else will think they can too. They’ll peg you as the school or the community whipping boy. That’s no way to live.

In the middle of a physical attack, the last resort is the only option you take.

So, How do you respond to it? here it is:

When a bully physically attacks you, you have a God-given, primal, animal right to defend yourself from being harmed. I state this with full conviction!

Therefore, if a bully hits you first, haul off and knock his block off! And when you do, don’t just give him a love pat. Deck the creep with the strength of your entire body- hit so hard that the bully has difficulty getting back up.

Then unleash a hail of hard licks so that he doesn’t get up. Because once the bully gets up, he will charge you!

Yeah. I know it isn’t the “politically correct” thing to do. But when someone is harming you, all that jazz about political correctness and being the bigger person goes out the window, and the gloves are off.

Make physical bullies Not want to put their hands on you ever again!

The only thing you should think of at this point is how to disable the bully. Additionally, you want to give him such a bad memory that he’ll never even think about coming for you again.

You aren’t a troublemaker or a brute for this, folks! It’s called self-defense!

Again, punch the bully’s lights out! School stuff may suspend you from school, and managers may fire you from work. You may even go to jail for a night or two. However, people are much more vicious with physical attacks nowadays.

Furthermore,  if you just let someone smack you around, they’ll only intensify the beatings until they hurt you bad enough to send you to the hospital or worse! And you’d much rather them suspend me, fire me, or take me to jail than to spend a month in the hospital or end up six feet under.

Nevertheless, you may not condone fighting. Although you may need to fight many times in school, you may hate it each time you have to. However, when you’re a 5’4″, 120-pound girl being jumped and most of the time by multiple assailants, it may be your only option.

Also, if you are a small-built male and the attacker is much bigger than you, it’s not the time to play patty-cake. There will be times when you’re boxed in and cannot go anywhere.

When there’s no other choice, it’s either fight or risk your bullies possibly maiming or killing you. Sometimes the last resort is the only way to protect yourself.

You must let the bully know that you’re not the one to mess with and that you aren’t afraid to fight back if necessary.

There will be others who may disagree with this post, and that’s okay. I am very thick-skinned now and rarely do I get offended. I can agree to disagree. But I will do what I have to do to protect my well-being and my life if ever I’m in physical danger.

So, if all else fails, go ahead and whoop that ***!

This post was all about physical bullying and why you should defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

4. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

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Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

people pleasing behavior

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

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 The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.

disadvantages of being a people pleaser

It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.

Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.

Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.

This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.

Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser

Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse,  do it.

As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.

 Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.

Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.

Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.

Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.

Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.

However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

Here are 7 consequences.

1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.

Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.

You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.

Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.

2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.

Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.

After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?

You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.

 3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.

Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.

Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!

4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.

Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.

If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.

Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.

 5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.

Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.

Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.

People Watch you all the time.

Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.

On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.

Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.

1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.

2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.

This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!

 6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.

I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.

There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.

7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.

In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.

However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.

Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.

They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.

This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

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Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing personal boundaries is another. Therefore, do you want to know what comes with enforcing personal boundaries? Or, vise versa?

enforcing personal boundaries

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

In this post, you will learn exactly what it means to enforce personal boundaries. Also, you will learn how to go about doing it so that you can better protect yourself against human predators.

After you learn about all these things, you will better and more effectively keep bullies and abusers at bay. Also, you will be able to more successfully protect yourself from all kinds of bullies and abusers.

This post is all about enforcing personal boundaries, what it entails, and how you go about it, so that you can more effectively keep bullies away.

Enforcing Personal Boundaries

As stated earlier, setting boundaries is telling others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries. Enforcing boundaries, on the other hand, is doing what you said you’d do if someone violates them.

Understand that you can set boundaries all day long but if you don’t enforce them, people will pick up on it very quickly. Therefore, they’ll no longer take you seriously.

Moreover, they’ll only see you as making empty threats. People will then step over your boundaries deliberately, just because they can!

This is why enforcing personal boundaries is so important. It’s the step that let’s people know in no uncertain terms that you’re not one to toy around with.

However, setting and enforcing boundaries is never easy, especially if you’re dealing with bullies. Bullies, especially those with narcissistic personality disorder, despise boundaries and will retaliate and lash out at you for daring to have them.

Bullies Despise Boundaries and anyone who has them.

They hate anyone who is their own person and not the person they want them to be. Bullies want conformers and followers, not original, free-thinking individuals.

 Moreover, the reason bullies abhor boundaries is because it means that they can’t control you. And when a bully cannot control you, they go into panic mode and will do very desperate things.

The backlash will be even worse,  if bullies have grown comfortable with wresting control over you. Why? Because you will automatically take them out of their comfort zones once you take your power back. Then you will have hell to pay if you aren’t careful.

Understand that when you decide you will no longer be controlled by your bullies, the power dynamic automatically changes. The trick is to keep that new power dynamic from rolling back.

You see? Bullies have an entitlement attitude and they want things back to the way they used to be. Therefore, be prepared for them to attempt to try to reclaim power by doing either one or all of the following.

  • They will be super sweet to you.
  • They’ll threaten to ruin you socially.
  • They may verbally or physically attack you.
  • Or they’ll resort to smearing you to others.
  • They’ll also lay guilt trips on you.

However, no matter what they do or how they may retaliate, don’t back down. Stick to your guns.

so, what strategies are involved in enforcing personal boundaries?

There are 7.

1. Don’t Just Mouth It. Mean it!

Again, you can’t just set boundaries by threatening consequences. You must be prepared to back it up with action (enforcement) if someone sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And the consequences must be severe enough that the person doesn’t want to even think of messing with you again.

2. If they physically attack you, hit them back and make it count.

Anytime a bully lays so much as a finger on you, they are violating your physical boundaries. One of the ways to enforce your physical boundaries is to hit them right back! And when you hit them, make it count!

In other words, hit the bully with enough force that it knocks them down, or at least back a few steps. Instead of only punching them with the strength of your arm, use the strength and weight of your entire body.

Also, hit them dead in the nose. That booger box is the best body part to aim for because a hard blow to the nose stuns a person.

Then, quickly pelt the bully with such a hail of punches that he can’t even think to exchange licks. You must be quick about it because once the bully recovers from the stunning blow and gathers his senses, he will come back at you.

Therefore, unleash a quick-as-lightning rainfall of hard punches to the face and head. And don’t stop until the bully is either down for the count or someone pulls you apart.

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If the Bully is Super Sweet to you, take it with a grain of salt.

In other words, see through the bullies fake, good-guy act.

Anytime bullies start getting chummy with you, there are three reasons.

  • They want something from you.
  • Your bullies are trying to set you up for something bad.
  • They’re trying to bring down your defenses.

Therefore, whatever you do, don’t fall for it!

4. If bullies threaten to ruin you socially, let them.

Even better, tell them to go for it. Chances are good that your bullies have already smeared you to other people and turned them against you. So, what do you have to lose?

And if you do have a few friends they might get to, see this as a test to your friends. In other words, watch your friends closely and see if they go along with it.

Here, you’ll quickly find out whether your friends are really there for you. If your friends believe the bullies’ lies and smears and turn against you, you’ll know that they never were your friends to begin with. Then you can cut them out of your life for good.

On the other hand, if they blow the bullies off and continue to stand with you, you’ll know that they’re true friends and that you can count on them.

5. If they begin screaming, yelling, and cursing you out, put your hand up. Then turn your back and walk away.

Anyone who stands in your face yelling, screaming, and cursing is violating your psychological and emotional boundaries. Therefore, show them that this is not okay.

Put your hand up and walk away. These people do not deserve the privilege of being in your company. However, keep your eyes peeled in case they try to attack you as you’re walking away. People are nuts these days.

And know that if they’re in your face, it’s okay to punch their lights out.

Also, you can look your bullies dead in the eyes, put your hand out like a traffic cop, and tell them to stay the hell away from you.

 

6. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If Your Bullies smear you to others, again, let them.

That’s right! Let them talk. Let them try to turn everyone against you.

See your bullies’ behavior for what it is. They’re in panic mode. They’re desperate to get you back under their thumb because they’re deathly afraid of losing control of you.

Also, remember this! If they can’t control you, they will try to control how other people look at you. In their desperation, your bullies will lie. They will spread ugly rumors and they will act like you violated them somehow.

And this bears repeating. If others outside of the conflict side with the bullies by believing their falsehoods, then those others, including the people you thought were friends, do not deserve a seat at your table.

Give them all the boot and do it yesterday!

7. If they lay guilt trips on you, blow them off and be on your way.

In other words, your bullies may make up a story about how they’ve done you a favor in the past. And this will more than likely be something you know doggone well isn’t true.

Moreover, when you call them on it, they might tell you that maybe you’ve forgotten about it or that your memory isn’t serving you correctly.

But don’t let them cause you to doubt yourself. And, for Pete’s sake! Don’t let them make you feel guilty!

Remember your history with them. You know that these people have never done a damn thing for you. They’ve only tried to use, abuse, and puppeteer you.

Therefore, tell them to take a hike!

In Conclusion:

Know that enforcing your boundaries will not be easy, especially once bullies have grown accustomed to controlling you.

Nevertheless, you must, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, hold firm and double down. If you refuse to give in to your bullies, there’s always a chance they just might leave you alone.

But be prepared just in case they don’t. You might need to either fight like hell or remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a place where you can make a fresh start.

This post was all about enforcing personal boundaries to give you the strategies you need to stay strong and take care of yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

Needy Behavior: 5 Reasons it Derails Your Social Life

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‘Want to know why and how needy behavior destroys your social life? Here are 7 reasons why being needy repels the right people and attracts the wrong people.

needy behavior

Chronic bullying causes so many social problems for victims. When a victim is selected for bullying, bullies begin a vicious smear campaign that can destroy the victims friendships and relationships.

In other words, people begin turning against them because no one wants to risk their own reputations by associating with the bullied person. As a result, everyone isolates the bullied person.

This can cause needy behavior in the victim because they become so desperate for friends that they’re willing to humiliate themselves just for one tiny crumb of human connection.

However, most victim don’t realize that this only makes things worse.

If this is you, this post will teach you how to recognize needy behavior in yourself when it happens. Moreover, you will learn powerful ways to stop the behavior so that you can take back your power and your dignity.

This post is all about how to recognize and stop needy behavior so that you can take back your self-respect and control over your life.

How Do You Recognize Needy Behavior?

You recognize needy behavior by first assessing your inner dialogue, or self-talk. In other words, your thought patterns.

If you’re thinking to yourself things, such as:

“If only I was ten pounds thinner and had long, flowing hair, maybe my friends would like me”

“Maybe if I had bought front row tickets to the game, concert, etc. instead of regular tickets, he would love me.”

“If only I made a 4.0 instead of a 3.99, my family would be proud of me.”

“Maybe I should have bought her a dozen roses instead of a half-dozen, then she would love me.”

“Maybe if I worked sixteen hours a day instead of twelve, then my boss and coworkers would like me.”

Then, yes, you may be exhibiting needy behavior without even knowing that you’re doing it. When you feel needy, you tend to act that way.

Moreover, most bullying targets tend to hold those toxic beliefs about themselves, which translates to, “I’m not enough.” However, I want you to know right now.

You are enough and always have been. It’s just that other people, for selfish or nefarious reasons, have managed to convince you that you aren’t. Therefore, you should see them for what they are… liars!

So, How do you recognize needy behavior in yourself?

Before we go any further, you need to know this. It’s easy to see this kind of behavior in others. The view is always much clearer from the outside.

However, it’s difficult to see a certain behavior in ourselves. We do things all the time without thinking about it. Self-awareness is a must and most people don’t have it, sorry to say.

Here are the behaviors to watch out for:

1. You’re constantly bending over backwards to prove your worth to people.

For example, you may put in lots of effort to help around the house and no one thanks you for it. Or worse, they don’t even acknowledge it.

Here’s another example. You may buy the girl who went on a mercy date with you a dozen roses and even shell out money to pay her car payment… you get the point.

You feel you must buy her love.

The girl doesn’t even like you but she’ll sure take your money and may even thank you for it. However, she doesn’t want to go on a second date. But she forces herself to go to keep getting the benefits from you.

So, while you’re on this date, she ignores you and talks to other guys, making you feel like a loser. But, to hang onto her, you keep giving her money, letting her bleed you until you’re broke.

And once you have nothing left to give her, she ghosts you!

Understand that this over giving never works. It only produces the opposite of your desired result!

What usually happens when you do this?

Anytime you sacrifice yourself to score approval points, you spin your wheels and get nowhere. If anything, people won’t respect you. They’ll only look down on you with a mixture of pity, disgust, and hilarity.

They think you’re pathetic when you’re so eager to kiss butt in you weak attempts to win friends and dates. Also, the more you give at your own expense, the worse others treat you. Why? Because you leave yourself wide open for use and abuse.

There is nothing more pathetic than someone who simps for approval. Think of the song, “Self-esteem” by The Offspring and if you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.

You only attract predators, while repelling good, quality people of class and decency. Additionally, human predators have a spidey sense when it comes to picking out those who are weak and approval-seeking. They’ll see you coming a mile away!

And they will take full advantage and bleed you dry of resources, time, and worse! Confidence and happiness!

2. You go out of your way to maintain friendships with people who only tolerate you Just to keep from being alone.

Anytime you become needy, some people might include you in their groups, but not because they like you or want to be around you. They’ll only pretend to like you because they feel sorry for you.

And the last thing you should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that? But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, any pity these people might have for you will wear thin.

Here are a few reasons why needy Behavior is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:

1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it.

In the minds of the bullies and others, these so-called friends of yours are guilty by association. Therefore, instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

2. The group must pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening.

And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent.

Consequently, they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

Moreover, they’ll never have your back. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.

3. With Needy Behavior, you attract more users and abusers to come into your life.

Others who don’t know you will watch you closely as you continue to simp for acceptance. Then, you’ll draw in new predators because they will see you as someone they can get something from, even if it’s only psychological benefits.

Understand that human predators are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them.

Again, once they’ve gotten all they want out of you, they’ll discard you like a dirty piece of toilet paper.

You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

I want you to understand this.

If you’re doing these things:

Feeling that you must put on a front for others to approve of you.

Fulfill impossible demands from your boss at work.

Thinking that you must give them your delicious dessert at lunch when you really want to eat it yourself.

Believing that you need to do someone’s homework for them, give them money or do something that you don’t want to do to win their friendship

Having to chase someone or go out of your way to get them to see the good in you

Putting up with being abused, disrespected, and humiliated by people who are supposed to be your friends

Tolerating friends who never have your back, who disappear and always throw you under the bus when trouble comes for you

Needing to force conversations with these so-called friends

In a nutshell, if at any time a friendship doesn’t feel right, these people do not deserve the time of day!

4. You’re too agreeable.

People notice when you don’t have your own opinions and beliefs. Agreeing with things you really don’t agree with not only stifles your individuality, it makes you a target.

Understand that everyone is different. Therefore, embrace your individuality and have an opinion that’s all your own. Moreover, if others abuse you for it, that should tell you that you should find better friends.

5. You wear yourself out. 

Because you work so hard to win approval, you eventually deplete yourself of energy. Then, you get exhausted.

In no way am I blaming You because I’ve been there.

I understand the feeling of social deprivation when bullies are constantly sabotaging your ability to make new friends. It gets tough after so long.

However, when you’re that hard-up for social connections, it shows. Anytime you’re willing to put up with crappy treatment to keep from being by yourself, it decreases your worth as a person.

Other people see it and immediately think you’re pathetic. You come off to others as clingy and needy. Even worse, the desperate vibes you put out only attracts more bullying and alienation.

Needy behavior just plain stinks. It is off-putting and repels even the people who would otherwise be good friends.

But you don’t need enemies with friends like that. Ditch these losers fast! They don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life.

Know that you’re worth more than you know and that you can do much better! Believe that with every fiber of your being.

this post was all about needy behavior so that you can learn to spot it and correct it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

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Do you want to know how to bully proof yourself and go from victim to victor? Here are the tried and true do’s and don’ts you need to know about.

bully proof

There’s no better feeling then succeeding in making yourself bully proof. If people are targeting you for bullying, you’re probably wondering how you can go about doing it. As one who has been right where you are, I’m giving you the do’s and don’ts that will help make you resistant to bullies.

You will learn exactly what to do and what to avoid doing to bully proof yourself.

After you learn these unwritten rules, you are going to be emotionally resistant to any verbal and psychological attack bullies may throw at you.

This post is all about how to bully proof yourself to help you take back your peace, your autonomy, and your life.

Bully Proof

When targets endure continuous onslaughts of bullying, slow and subtle changes will happen over time. Moreover, they may or may not even be aware of these negative changes until the bullying has gotten out of control. These changes will happen in their self-esteem personalities and body language.

These transformations, although normal when dealing with any type of abuse, can bring about even more bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullies feed off the target’s low self-esteem and once they get even the slightest hint that you’re victim material, the bullying will become a pattern.

However, here’s the good news.

If you are one of those who bullies target for bullying and abuse, you don’t have to allow this to happen in your life. You have more control over your circumstances than you think you do.

Therefore, how you bully proof yourself is to never do these 7 things:

1. go on the Defensive nor explain yourself.

Any time you defend or explain yourself to a bully, you appear weak to them. Why? Because in your defense or explanation, the hidden subtext is that you feel you must answer to your bully. Consequently, you only give away your power.

Moreover, bullies don’t care what your reasons are. The only reason they blame or accuse you is to bait you into explaining yourself.

Understand that your bullies are looking for a psychological payoff. And the psychological payoffs, are satisfaction, gratification and a massive rush of power.

In other words, you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince the bully that you aren’t guilty of whatever it is that they’re accusing you of.

As a result, the bullies are mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the backs over how easily they’ve got you to react, how easily they can scare you and make you nervous, and get you all up in arms.

To bully proof yourself, think about these 3 extra points:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that bullies only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Any facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong. Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, deep inside, they already know you’re innocent.

Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one. In fact, you do not owe anyone an explanation, nor must you go on the defense unless they are your parents, spouse, or boss.

2. To bully Proof yourself, never Apologize for anything.

This is not to say that apologizing for a wrong isn’t the right thing to do, because it is. If you know you wronged someone and that someone isn’t a bully, an apology is then necessary.

However, when people target  you for bullying, they often force you to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or that were beyond your control.

So, you get into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse. But even if it does save you from being brutalized, it will eat away at your self-esteem.

There’s a time to apologize and a time not to.

Here’s one thing you must know right now! A bully does not deserve your apology.

Moreover, bullies see any apology you give as weakness, subjugation, or a way of begging not to be hurt. And they will only use it against you.

In other words, giving any apology in front of bullies automatically puts you in a position of weakness and a bully will only take advantage of it.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

Therefore, you must reserve your apologies for situations that warrant them and people who truly deserve them.

Here are a few responses you should give to bullies in lieu of apologies:

1. You’ll get over it.

2. Relax. You’ll be alright.

3. Don’t worry. You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.

These are examples of how you should respond to bullies when they demand an apology or even signal that they want one.

3. Hit the bully first (that is, unless they’re in your face).

Bullies will deliberately provoke you to bait you into hitting them first. They do this because they either want an excuse to fight you or they want to get you in trouble with a teacher, a supervisor, or police.

However, an exception can be made when they get in your face. Why? Because when they get that close, it usually means that they’re about to physically attack you.

Only then should you hit the bully first to protect yourself. In times like this, offense is the best defense. And by all means, defend yourself if the bully tries to attack you.

Just don’t snap. This is how many shootings happen, and that’s the last thing you want! So, keep your wits about you.

4. to become bully proof, you must never People-please.

Bullies and their followers only see this as butt-kissing and trying to win approval. Again, they get a thrill out of seeing you bend knee to everyone, and they will use it to their advantage.

Furthermore, bullies will often dangle carrots of acceptance and friendship in front of you, only to pull it back when you reach for it.

Never subject yourself to these kinds of mind games. Or, to put it bluntly, don’t be a simp for approval. This kind of behavior is pathetic and it’s beneath you.

5. Do Not Stay silent.

Bullies and any type of abusers thrive on your silence.

Therefore, when you stay mum about the abuse they subject you to, it will only give them a green light to continue and escalate the abuse.

Instead of being quiet about it, report it. The bullies may retaliate, and authorities may not believe you, but you’ve said your piece, and the word is still out.

They may not listen to you, but they can never unhear you. Always remember that.

6. Don’t Go where the bullies gather.

Going to or passing through the places you know your bullies hang out is asking for trouble. Therefore, the best thing to do is to avoid those places if you want to keep yourself safe.

7. Never Slouch or look down.

Slouching and looking down only signals low self-esteem, submission, and intimidation. These are signals you never want to give off in the presence of bullies and abusers.

Remember that bullies are like a pack of wolves, and a pack of wolves will only attack the weakest member of a herd of elk.

Again, bullies are the same way. If they perceive even a whiff of weakness, they will prey on it.

Therefore, to avoid looking like bully bait, do the exact opposite of these things. Always be and appear confident!

One thing I should also mention: Never isolate yourself because you only cut yourself off from support. Moreover, you only play into your bullies hands because it’s exactly what they want!

Here’s a quick summary:

  • A bully is the last person you must answer to. Put simpler, never explain, apologize to, or go on the defense with bullies. You owe them nothing!
  • Instead of apologizing to bullies, say, “you’ll get over it.” It’s the perfect alternative to apology.
  • Stay calm when a bully provokes you. Let them get in your face before you decide to hit them first. And if they hit you first, hit them back. This is not assault, it’s self-defense.
  • Never people-please. Put yourself first and do the things you want to do, not what others want you to do.
  • Instead of staying quiet, speak out about any abuse you suffer and call out your abuser. Understand that when someone violates your boundaries, whether they be physical or psychological, you have every right to talk about it.
  • Avoid the places bullies gather. Instead of passing through their hangout spot or neighborhood on your way to school or work, find a different route and take it. And if the bullies demand that you meet them somewhere to fight, object and don’t go!
  • Stand up straight instead of slouching. Also, keep your head up and look ahead instead of lowering your head and looking down.

This post was all about ways to bully proof yourself so that you can take back your peace and live drama-free.

In the related posts below, you will find many other ways you can bully proof yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

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Are you a softy who’s tired of being taken advantage of and wants to know how to stop being too nice?

how to stop being too nice

Knowing how to stop being too nice is essential to good self-esteem and mental health. There’s nothing wrong with being kind. It’s a great virtue to have.

However, being too nice sets you up to be used and abused because we live in such an evil world. As  someone who has made that mistake and found out the hard way, I’m giving you the most effective changes that you must know and make.

You will learn the exact behavior alterations you must make to stop being too nice so that you can take back your power and win respect.

After you learn what these changes are, you will reclaim your self-respect and the users, abusers, and bullies will avoid you and find someone else to use and devalue.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can win the respect you deserve and people will begin to take you more seriously.

How to Stop Being Too Nice

Before we delve into the changes you must make, you must first know what not to do. In other words, in order to know the right things to do, you must first know what you’re doing wrong so that you can fix it.

So, what are the signs that you’re being too nice and what are the behaviors that you need to avoid?

Here’s a rough description. You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.

Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.

Therefore, make no mistake about it.

There will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. In fact, a vast majority of them will.

Understand that the reason most people end up being too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. Furthermore, they feel they have no right to say no to anything and that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves.

Some people are too nice because they’re terrified of conflict.

They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Again, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!

The trick is to be kind but never be “nice.”

Kindness and niceness differ because kindness is healthy. A kind person gives to others without doing it at their own expense.

Niceness, on the other hand, is when you give at your own expense. In niceness, there is great suffering on the part of the giver.

Moreover, other people often use and abuse the giver. Instead of appreciating the giving person for their generosity, others only expect more from them.

Kind is healthy. Nice, on the other hand, is a one-way ticket to Doormat-ville!

In order to know how to stop being too nice, you must first recognize when you’re overdoing the niceties:

So, what is the first sign you’re too nice?

You put up with crappy treatment from people who don’t value you. Now how do you change this?

1. Never Tolerate Shabby Treatment.

Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.

Understand this. You can be kind without putting up with other people’s BS. You can still say no and set boundaries.

Moreover, it’s perfectly okay to disagree with people and stand up to bad behavior. Standing up for yourself and walking away from toxic environments and people isn’t wrong. It’s necessary!

Know that you are well within your rights to protect your time and your space. That’s what kind people do. They realize that if they don’t take care of their own needs, they’ll have no energy left to take care of others.

However, people who are too nice allow others to walk all over them. They suppress feelings of anger and indignation because others are constantly using and abusing them.

And why not, bullies, users and abusers are experts at reading people. They see the weakness and approval-seeking intentions behind the niceties.

Consequently, others outside this social dynamic will take notice, lose respect for you, and think you’re pathetic. Therefore, when someone treats you badly, meet them with the same attitude they brought to you.

Kind People Never Give at Their Own Expense!

In other words, respond in kind. Speak to the person in the only language they understand.

Learn how to stop being too nice and people will respect you. They’ll respect your time, your space, your privacy, and your rights to be treated with dignity.

 The trick is to extend kindness to others and reserve your jerky side for only those who use, abuse, and disrespect you. Also, refuse to get sucked into any drama.

Continue to be kind. Extend to the janitor the same respect you give to the CEO. Treat people with low income and those who suffer homelessless with dignity.

Befriend the kid who has no friends at school. Be kind to the combat veteran with severe PTSD and who everyone thinks is mentally imbalanced.

Give your seat to the woman over 65 and using a walker or the eight-month pregnant woman. Be kind to those who are powerless and cannot do anything for you. For that’s the real test of character. This is what kind people do.

Don’t be too nice, but don’t be an unfeeling jerk either. And, for the love of Pete, never be a bully! Know that there’s a happy middle and stay in it.

So, what is the next sign you’re too nice?

You’re in the habit of over apologizing. So, how do you change this?

2. How to Stop Being too nice: stop apologizing so much.

Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.

Any time you apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with, others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you when you can’t give them what they want.

Moreover, they’ll blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame.

You must drop these people, pronto! Because they don’t care about you. They only care about what you can do to make their lives easier.

Apologies should only be given when they’re warranted and to the right people – those who truly care for you and who will understand.

So, what is another sign that you’re too nice?

Being a yes-person. You say yes to everything people ask, request, or demand. In other words, you say yes when you really want to say no.

3. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request.

Let this sink in right now! There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you’d rather not do something you don’t want to do. Period. Full stop!

No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off. That’s understandable. However, don’t against your better judgment and say yes when you’d rather say no..

Here’s an example of when you should say no:

You’re dog tired because you’ve worked all day and can’t wait to fall into bed. Once your head hits the pillow and you begin dozing off, you hear a knock at the door.

Someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!

They need help and you passively agree to help them with or solve their problem. What’s really bad is that this person has done this many times before.

What you should do is tell this person to take a walk. These types of people should never darken your door at such a ridiculous hour unless it’s a life or death emergency!

Also, never rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. Don’t be an enabler.

Understand this! If you don’t learn to say no, you’ll end up a slave to the whims of others and you’ll never have any peace. Therefore, face your fear and say no, even if you’re afraid to.

It may feel scary or even weird at first. But, better to step out of your comfort zone now than to spend the rest of your life being everyone’s yes-boy.

Instead, make them all put their grownup britches on and take care of their own problems!

Here’s yet, another sign that you need to learn how to stop being too nice: you feel guilty for putting yourself first.

How do you change this behavior?

4. Knowing How to stop being too nice is Knowing that It’s okay to put yourself first.

In other words, stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs. You must take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.

Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.

Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.

Stand up for yourself when arrogant bullies attack you and don’t back down. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, just like the next person. Command the same well-treatment that everyone else has a right to.

What’s another sign you’re too nice? Taking on the moods of those around you.

5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let other’s moods around you affect yours.

For instance, instead of letting some Negative Nancy get you down, you make sure it doesn’t affect your good mood. Never allow other peoples’ funky attitudes rub off on you.

Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines above.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can reclaim your dignity and self-respect and forge stronger relationships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

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Do you want to know the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that you can feel more confident and have the courage to get things done?

raising self-esteem

When people are targeting you for bullying, raising self-esteem can be difficult. If, you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how you can get your confidence back and reclaim your life. As someone who survived and overcame bullying myself, I’m giving you the same mind-hacks that I used to finally boost my confidence and change my life for the better

You are going to learn about all the tried and true mind hacks that work in helping you to not only win back your confidence, but also take back your personal power.

After you learn about all these clever mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem you will feel and be more confident than you ever thought possible.

This post is all about the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem that every target of bullying needs to know.

Raising Self-Esteem

Before we get into the mind-hacks, lets discuss the harmful effects of low self-esteem and how it can negatively alter your life.

Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As you probably know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health.

Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, you can take control over how your bullies’ attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can re-frame the attacks and purposefully buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help you in raising self-esteem:

1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it. If bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else.

For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless. Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable too. Making you feel bad about yourself is the only way they can feel better about themselves.

Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to re-frame their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

Again, bullies draw their power by stripping others of theirs and making them feel powerless. When bullies attack you, they are projecting their own feelings of worthlessness unto you.

The only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. Always remember that!

2. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’ve either already done it or they are doing it now.

This is called, “projection” and it’s a classic bullying tactic that bullies and tyrants have used down through the ages. Moreover, bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

For example, Back during World War II, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.” He described the use of projection in a nutshell.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and more intelligently.

As a result your confidence will soar!

3. Raising Self-Esteem means realizing that Your bullies only speak from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams.

For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. They may butt in and say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything in their entire lives. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures.

Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

So, any time your bullies try to pee on your goals, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

4. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from some smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children. They may even be a best friend, or a trusted mentor.

Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

Moreover, they are the people who will be honest with you even if it stings a little. In other words, they won’t be afraid to give you constructive criticism and they will do this to help you and keep you safe.

Therefore, their words are golden!

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they only want what’s best for you and are out for your good.

5. Bullies Can’t Insult nor offend you unless you Place value On their opinions.

To rephrase this, for others to insult you, you must first value their opinions. Ouch! I know, that hurts! But you should realize that a bully’s words aren’t worth considering.

Any time you allow their insults to get under your skin, you give them validation, which is something your bullies do not deserve.

Therefore, just let them talk and embrace it! Stop thinking that something must be wrong with you. Because you’re fine just the way you are.

In fact, here are a few positive ways you can look at it:

a. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.

And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. When they talk about you, good or bad, they make you relevant.

B. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.

So, who’s really in control here?

C. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to.

It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled by you with little effort on your part.

D. They must really admire you and want to be like you.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. They’re admitting that they don’t have lives of their own. So, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

E. They have an Obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let the pettiness amuse you. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the petty attacks too.

When you finally wise up and take this approach, the results will surprise you and your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Therefore, attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse.

The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart.

Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

Most importantly, remember that with knowledge comes empowerment.

This post was all about the simple but powerful mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that they can be a buffer to your bullies attacks and give you the confidence boost that you need.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

how to defend yourself from bullies

How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

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‘Want to do how to defend yourself from bullies so that you can be safe?

how to defend yourself from bullies

Bullying is perverse and can be negatively life-altering. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably having difficulty deciding how to properly stand up for yourself. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the steps to defend yourself against bullies.

You’re going to learn the exact method of defending yourself against bullies and bullying.

After you learn all these powerful strategies, you will be extra prepared for the next bullying incident and be able to better handle yourself in bullying situations.

This post is all about how to defend yourself from bullies so that you can ensure your own safety and take back control of your life.

How to Defend Yourself from Bullies

1. think like a bully (just don’t act like one)

This is your first step.

Most people who become targets of bullying are genuinely good hearted and would never dream of hurting another human being. On the other hand, bullies are consistently thinking up newer and more sophisticated ways to inflict harm on others.

Their hunger for power is such that they have left a long line of victims in their wake and are always on the lookout for new targets.

The reason most good people become targets of bullying is that bullies are notorious for taking kindness for weakness. Therefore, to protect yourself from becoming the next target requires that you adopt the bully mindset.

You must think as bullies do but not act as they do.

I realize this can be difficult because the mind of a bully isn’t a pleasant place to be. It can be downright ugly!

Moreover, to think as a bully takes a certain degree of identifying with them. However, you must think as they do in order to better predict what bullies will do next.

If you can figure out what their next move will be, you can stay a few steps ahead of these creeps and protect yourself.

Therefore, this won’t be easy. The mind of a bully can be a real cesspool. However, sometimes you must wade through a ton of crap for safety’s sake.

2. Respond in kind

There’s nothing wrong with responding in kind when people are mistreating you. This doesn’t mean tit for tat. However, it does mean getting ugly when you must.

When you respond in kind, you act with power by meeting your bullies where they are. In other words, you speak to the bullies in the only language they understand.

You must realize that when a bully is in your face, you can’t afford to be nice about it. In fact, there is no being polite.

You can never handle a bully “nicely” because they will only see that as weakness and use it to their advantage. Moreover, there is no being quiet about it because bullies will take your silence as being afraid.

Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand. And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your personal space and they’re cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then, you tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of your face.

This shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person. Also, it shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies.

bullies only understand strength and power

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

And we’re still being conditioned to do so. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse.  Moreover, they will get the impression that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it.

Then, there will be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences?

By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Therefore, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

Remember that the only rights you have are those you fight for.

3. How to defend yourself from bullies: don’t worry about what other people think

People will tell you, “You shouldn’t have said that to so-and-so because you only stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

However, it’s funny how they never said a word to the bully, who had you backed in a corner and was unloading on you. Now, all of a sudden, you are the mean one for telling the bullies exactly what they are.

Therefore, realize that when you’re forced to get just as nasty, there will be people who try to tell you the same thing.

Instead of worrying about their reaction, always come back with, “Funny, you never said a word when they were doing the same to me, so you have nothing to say about my behavior. Now, get lost!” And say it with conviction and without guilt.

“It’s not ladylike,” they say? Well, it’s not ladylike for the bully either. It goes both ways.

Tell them how you feel and what you think of them because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you. You have to get funky with it! You must put your bitch-face on when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they just might back off and think twice before confronting you again.

however, before you can do this, you must first not worry what others think.

When you stop concerning yourself with what others think or say, standing up for yourself comes so much easier. Remember, these people aren’t dealing with bullying. You are. Therefore, they have no place putting their noses in your business.

What they think and how they feel about it doesn’t matter. So, stop worrying about the feelings of those who aren’t worth your time.

4. respond to physical bullying by hitting back.

Yeah, you read that right. If a bully hits you first, you are well within your rights to hit them back… twice as hard as they hit you. How to defend yourself from bullies involves responding to physical attacks.

Understand this right now. When a bully physically attacks you, you have a God-given, primal, animal right to defend yourself from being harmed. I state this with full conviction!

Therefore, if a bully hits you first, haul off and knock his block off! And when you do, don’t just give him a love pat. Deck the creep with the strength of your entire body- hit so hard that the bully has difficulty getting back up.

Then unleash a hail of hard licks so that he doesn’t get up. Because once the bully gets up, he will charge you!

Yeah. I know it isn’t the “politically correct” thing to do. But when someone is harming you, all that jazz about political correctness and being the bigger person goes out the window, and the gloves are off.

School stuff may suspend you from school, and managers may fire you from work. You may even go to jail for a night or two. However, people are much more vicious with physical attacks nowadays.

Furthermore, if you just let someone smack you around, they’ll only intensify the beatings until they hurt you bad enough to send you to the hospital or worse! And you’d much rather them suspend you, fire you, or take you to jail than to spend a month in the hospital or end up six feet under.

Let’s face it. Sometimes, bullies can have you cornered and fisticuffs is the only option you have.

5. How to defend yourself from bullies: take self-defense Classes

Although not always affordable, martial arts classes are a godsend for victims of bullying. Not only do you learn how to defend yourself, you also learn respect and discipline.

Moreover, these classes will give you the confidence you never knew you could have and you will become more physically fit.

Whether you’re dealing with one or two bullies, or a whole pack of them, you should always defend yourself from them. This is how you do it!

this post was all about how to defend yourself from bullies to help you ensure your safety and take back control of your life

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

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Want to know the best phrases to shut down a gaslighter? The phrases that you’re about to read are the most powerful statements you need to make the next time a bully tries to gaslight you.

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

When people gaslight you, it can leave you confused and feeling unnecessary guilt. If you’re like I was, you probably wish you knew powerful phrases to shut down gaslighting. As one who’s had multiple bullies, I’m giving you the most powerful statements you can use to shut your bullies down for good.

You will learn about the top, most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter.

After learning about all these cool comebacks, you are going to be a pro and on the ready the next time your bullies even attempt to gaslight you.

This post is all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter. This is information that every person with integrity should know.

9 most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Before we get to the phrases, here’s a quick question. Have you ever had a situation when a bully was gaslighting you and you were stuck without a good comeback? I have and it was pretty humiliating.

Gaslighting can make it’s victims feeling not only confused and bewildered, but also embarrassed. It’s extremely difficult to pull out a good comeback, on the fly, when you’re in the middle of a gaslighting session.

However, one thing you should never, ever say to a gaslighter is this:

“I’m sorry.”

“You were right, it’s my fault.”

To bullies, apologies are not only submissions, but admissions of guilt. Moreover, telling the bully that they were right and admitting fault is surrendering to them. This is just how bullies think.

Although, it may tempting to go ahead and accept blame just to avoid further conflict or to keep the peace, I implore you. DON’T! Not under any circumstances!

Never take responsibility for a bully’s behavior, or anyone else’s for that matter. You are only responsible for your own words and actions, no one else’s.

The reason you should never capitulate like this is because the bullies will only take it and run with it. In other words, they will only weaponize it against you from here on out. And they will do it for the next several years or decades even.

Here’s what you SHOULD say:

1. “The truth hurts sometimes.”

This phrase is brilliant because it does two things:

It infuriates gaslighters because it reverses the sting back onto the gaslighter by turning the tables on them.

Also, it exposes your bully’s inability to handle the truth.

Your bullies may become angry after hearing this comeback. However, it can only work in your favor because their emotions will only further give them away.

Why? Because bullies don’t get emotional unless they’re so afraid they’re losing control of the conversation that they begin feeling desperate. Always remember that.

2. “I don’t see it that way.”

This is a good comeback because you’re making it clear to the gaslighter that you don’t agree with them.

Keep in mind that gaslighters gaslight because they want you to feel crazy, or like their behavior is your fault. They want you to doubt yourself and think, “well, maybe she’s right. I probably did have it coming.”

No you didn’t. Remember that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s behavior but yours. Your bullies’ behavior is a reflection of their choices, not yours.

3. one-word phrases to shut down a gaslighter:

“Whatever.”

This little one-word response is so potent and powerful. It’s short and sweet, and it’s the perfect blow-off to any gaslighter.

Why? Because it sends the message that you refuse to engage with them. Also, through that response alone, you communicate to your bullies that they’re a waste of your time. And really, they are!

Therefore, you end up taking the wind right out of the gaslighter’s sail. Why? Because, your bullies are excepting a big reaction from you and when you blow them off with a “whatever,” you stun them.

 Any time you calmly use this comeback, you send the message to bullies that they don’t hurt nor intimidate you, they only bore you. Ouch!

It’s very difficult to counter a response of, “Whatever.”

Moreover, another reason this little beauty of a response infuriates bullies so much is that there’s no way to counter it. It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking dumb.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look like they’re not very creative. Additionally, the bully will also look childish and stupid.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-worded bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

Do it this way and you look calm, cool, and collected while making your bullies look defeated. Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue or to agree with their drivel.

So, keep this on your list of comebacks because with it, you can’t go wrong! Just remember to say it calmly and coolly. Then watch your bullies’ reactions as they search and stumble to find a comeback without repeating you and looking utterly ridiculous.

However, whether they comeback with a childish response or not, your “whatever” has already shut down the toxic conversation. So, the only reason they respond is because they know they’re beat. Your bullies are only having to scramble to find a comeback, which is why they usually fail miserably.

This is definitely to your advantage.

4. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This really ticks off bullies and gaslighters because, just like number 1, it turns the tables on the gaslighter. You send the unpoken message that you refuse to apologize for something you didn’t do or something that isn’t your fault.

Using this sarcastic comeback isn’t an apology. It’s a dig. It shows bullies and gaslighters that you could care less about their feelings. Also, it communicates to them that nothing they have to say to you is worth the effort you must put in to argue.

Again, this is how you respond to a gaslighter.  Gaslighters get no respect because they don’t give any.

5. “that’s your opinion, not mine.”

This comeback also turns the tables on gaslighters in that it boomerangs their initial words back to them. Also, it lets them know that you could care less about what they think of you or what they have to say.

Bullies will seethe when you use this gem of a comback. I guarantee it!

6. “You have your reality and I have mine.”

Gaslighters are notorious for trying to undermine your reality and call your perception into question. Anytime you give your bullies this response, you tackle the problem up front.

Moreover, they get the message that you’re not one to be swayed from your perception, which will shut them down completely. In other words, they’ll know instantly that you’re immune to any manipulative mind games they try to play.

And this is what you want so they’ll leave you alone and go find some other sucker to jerk around

7. Phrases to shut down a gaslighter can also be questions.

“How?” or “Like WhO (what, when, where)?”

What you are doing here is asking for details. You’re responding to the gaslighter with questions and they will absolutely hate that. Gaslighters always avoid details because when you ask questions, you change the focus from opinions and emotions to hard facts.

In essence, you force them to come up with hard evidence to back up their argument. Most gaslighting bullies can’t do that simply because they only speak from emotions rather than facts.

Ask a bully questions referring to context and evidence. Then, laugh as you watch them stutter and stammer, trying to come up with an intelligent-sounding answer.

8. “You’ll get over it.”

This is the perfect response in lieu of a direct apology.

Now, this may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, the “you’ll get over it” response allows you to respond without accepting blame and

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down.

Moreover, this comment will more than likely rile your bullies’ emotions up because they’ll get the message that you don’t take them seriously. And you shouldn’t. Therefore, they will expose themselves through their outbursts of anger and indignation.

Respond without taking responsibility for their bad behavior and do it with power!

9. The Softer version of one of the phrases to shut down gaslighters:

“Don’t worry. You’ll be alright.”

This response is the same as number 8 but with a softer touch. Again, this deflects the gaslighting away from you and back to the bully. The “Don’t worry” part highlights the bully’s anger or upset emotional state while buffering you from the bully’s initial attack.

It’s one of the perfect verbal boomerangs that can force bullies to expose themselves because most bullies will explode at this comeback even if it is a softer one. Why? Because they will get the message that you take their frantic gaslighting with a grain of salt.

So, what bully wouldn’t flip out at a response like this? Remember that bullies want you to get emotional. Or, they want you to hang your head low and walk away, feeling like you wronged them somehow.

Don’t do either of these things. Use these responses and pretty soon, no one will bully or gaslight you. These responses worked for me and they can work for you too.

the post was all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter to help you stand up to gaslighting and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut It Down

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

acceptance and tolerance

Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

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Do you want the ability to spot the difference between acceptance and tolerance? These sure-fire indicators will tell you whether your friend group accepts you or only tolerates you.

acceptance and tolerance

If you are a target of bullying and you’ve made a few friends, it can be hard to know whether they really like you or not. As a former victim myself, I’m going to show you the difference between acceptance and tolerance. Also, I’ll use my own past experiences to give you the warning signs you need to watch out for.

You are going to learn about all the good and bad signs you need to be aware of in order to decide whether or not it’s time to walk away and pick better friends.

After you learn about all these indicators, you will be able to spot bad signals when you see them in the future. Then, you,ll be able to walk away without guilt and be more choosy of the company you keep.

The best part is that you’ll be able to avoid the pain fake friends can cause before it’s too late.

This post is all about acceptance and tolerance and the detailed behavioral differences you’ll spot in people who accept and in those who only tolerate you.

Acceptance and tolerance

How do they differentiate?

When people speak of tolerance, you should immediately cringe. Few people find the word very attractive because let’s be real here. The word itself has a rotten smell. To put it bluntly, it sounds downright gross!

Sadly, many targets of bullying are so afraid of being alone that they settle for friends who aren’t friends at all. The people the target associates with may keep the target under the impression that he’s being accepted when, in fact, they may only be tolerating him. And you can tolerate someone without accepting them.

I know a few who assume that acceptance and tolerance mean the same but they don’t.

here’s an example of tolerance

You’re in polite company. The guy sitting next to you, (who happened to scarf three huge bean burritos for supper last night, then put away three eggs for breakfast this morning) covertly eases forth a silent but deadly fart.

You catch the first nauseating whiff. However, you can’t hold your nose nor leave the room without seeming rude to everyone else in the room.

Therefore, you only sit there, trying to keep a poker face, while nonchalantly holding your breath until you’re sure the smell has dissipated. That’s what tolerance is.

Tolerance means that people allow the target to be around but secretly wish he’d go the heck away. And it has a way of seeping through in how they think of the person, how they act around him, and how they behave toward him.

So, what’s the difference between acceptance and tolerance? how do you know you’re being accepted and not tolerated?

 

1. people will invite you to their social gatherings if they accept you.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, they’ll exclude you.
Moreover, you’ll often hear the rest of the group talking about the barbecue or sleepover they had over the weekend. You know, the one that none of them thought to invite you to?

If people tolerate a person, they only permit having them around when there’s no other choice. In other words, they allow the person to be around because there’s no way they can make them go away or say anything without looking like a heel.

When the tolerated person is present, the rest just grin and bear it.

Show these morons you have a modicum of self-respect and walk away. You don’t need them.

2. if they accept you, you will be included in all group conversations.

On the other hand, if you’re only tolerated, you will notice the other members of your so-called friend group communicating with every other member except you.

Therefore, you will feel left out. And, to be brutally honest here, this is how they want you to feel. Why? Because these people are praying to the Good Lord above that you’ll take a hint and just get lost already.

You’d much rather be alone than to be lonely. Alone is when you’re physically by yourself. Lonely is when you’re among people, yet you’re still alone because to them, you don’t exist.

You can be alone but not be lonely and it’s okay to be alone. Realize that if you ever feel lonely and you’re in a group, that’s the time to tell them to go kick rocks and be on your way.

Here are other things to consider:

By continuing to be around people who tolerate you, you only decrease your value as a person. That’s right. Anytime you must crawl behind people who don’t give a crap about you, you make yourself look like you have no other options.

People who see this lose all respect for you and think you’re weak and worse, desperate. Therefore, your value will drop like a meteor!

Moreover, you’ll risk being used and abused.

Any time you’re desperate to have friends, you’ll settle for any crumb of human connection. You’ll be willing to put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone.

Users and abusers will take notice of this and hang around only to get something from you. And those who are decent people and would otherwise be good friends will want nothing to do with you because desperation is so off-putting and only repels them.

Tolerance just plain sucks! For both parties!

It sucks for the others because they don’t want you around but don’t know how to get rid of you without looking like jerks. On the other hand, it sucks for you too because you’re in a place you’re not welcome and in a situation in which they will mistreat and even abuse you.

It sucks for everyone involved because the energy in the room is bad. Therefore, anytime a person is only tolerated, everyone feels it.

Tolerance includes resentment.

Put simpler, it’s gritting your teeth, sitting there with contempt on your face, and drumming your fingers until the unwanted person finally leaves. Tolerance makes you feel crappy because it’s begrudging and there’s suffering on the part of the others.

So, your best bet is to head for the nearest door. Do you really want to sacrifice your dignity by continuing to crawl behind people who refuse to see your worth?

3. the difference between acceptance and tolerance: if they accept you, they will stop and wait for you to join them if you lag behind.

Whereas, if your friends only tolerate you, they will never stop for you.

You will feel as if you’re constantly tagging behind and can’t seem to keep up.

Again, if you continue to chase after these chumps, you’ll only embarrass yourself and further erode your self-esteem. If you don’t have respect for yourself, no one else will either. No one respects anyone they deem pathetic.

You need to muster up some pride and stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself! Begin rejecting them and have nothing more to do with them. Then watch your value rise again and see how much better you feel about yourself afterward.

The Difference between Acceptance and Tolerance is huge!

Acceptance is sitting quietly and letting the person just be. It’s embracing her good qualities regardless of your dislike of him. Acceptance brings an understanding of the person though the others may not agree with them.

But tolerance is hatred turned inward. We accept those we merely dislike. However, we only tolerate people we find disgusting and abhorrent.

With that said, understand that you don’t deserve to be around the people who only tolerate you. Better yet, they don’t deserve the privilege of even being in your presence.

4. if your friends accept you, they see your value and would never talk trash about you… to anyone… period! Also, they would not allow other members to talk bad about you.

 In contrast, tolerance is when other members of the group will voice their hatred of you anytime you aren’t around to hear it or defend yourself.

But you will hear about it later.

If they stab you in the back, it’s time to ditch them. You’d much rather be by yourself than to simp yourself out for people who do not deserve a minute of your time.

5. if they accept you, they will welcome you and make you feel comfortable and at-ease.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, you will feel that sickening “elephant in the room” feeling.

Feeling awkward around people is a sure sign that it’s time to bow out gracefully. Understand that this is only your gut trying to warn you about these people. Listen to it!

Realize that there will be people who aren’t worth your time and do not deserve a seat in your life.

Never settle for fake friends who only tolerate you. It’s much better, not to mention healthier, to be by yourself until you meet people who will not only accept you but celebrate you.

This post was all about the differences between acceptance and tolerance to help you to better discern when it’s time to cut ties with people who are only harmful to you.

Related post you will enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Sings of Gaslighting: 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

signs of gaslighting

Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

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Would you like to know the signs of gaslighting so that you can better protect yourself against it the next time it occurs? Here are the most common indicators and examples you should be aware of.

signs of gaslighting

People can gaslight you without you even knowing it’s happening, which is not only harmful but also confusing. As a former target of it myself, I’m sharing the sure-fire signs of gaslighting that you must know, so you can recognize it and be prepared.

You will learn about the signs of gaslighting and examples of it as well.

After learning about all these tactics and what they look and sound like, you will be better able to defend yourself against them.

This post is all about the most common signs of gaslighting in both your abusers AND yourself, you should be aware of.

The Most Common Signs of gaslighting

1. Bullies deny their behavior.

Denial is one of the most apparent forms of gaslighting.

Often, when a bully or abuser says something to insult you and you call them on it, they will flat out say, “I didn’t say that,” when you know doggone well they did. Understand that this is their way of covering up their behavior by making you look unstable.

Moreover, the bully has the chutzpah to lie and deny, even when you present clear evidence of the truth. That’s what makes this form of gaslighting so astonishing.

The goal of this tactic is to cause the people around you to think that maybe you’re hearing things. Also, bullies do this deliberately to cause you to doubt yourself. The bully wants you to wonder if you heard them correctly.

In other words, their goal is to convince you that what happened didn’t really happen. Therefore, they plant seeds of doubt in your mind to trick you into thinking that it is all in your head.

Furthermore, there’s another thing bullies like to say when you call them on their behavior. “You’re only imagining things.”

Additionally, they might say that the bullying you report “is only in your imagination.”

Again, this is denial, and it’s designed to make you doubt yourself and appear overly suspicious to any bystanders. And if you doubt yourself, it will inspire others to question you as well.

Don’t fall for it. Chances are that you heard them correctly or actually saw what you saw. Counter the gaslighting by telling them, “You did say that,” or “I know you did because I saw you with my own two eyes. Don’t even try to gaslight me, buddy.”

Yes, call out the gaslighting. Then walk away and limit any future engagement with them.

2. Bullies questioning your memory IS ALSO ONE OF THE SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING.

Questioning your memory is another slick tactic bullies use to shirk responsibility for their questionable behavior. Bullies mostly pull this number on older adults. However, anyone, regardless of age, can be a target of this kind of gaslighting.

For example, when you confront an abuser about something they did in the past, the bully may ask you, “Are you sure that’s the way it happened?”

Just as it is with denial, bullies use this method to make you doubt and question yourself. Consequently, it’s so easy it shouldn’t work. But it does.

Again, don’t fall for this trick. Tell them right away and up front that your memory is just fine and that they’re only gaslighting you to cover their own butts. Also, when you tell them, do it with conviction. Then, again, walk away and have no further association with them.

3. They trivialize the way you feel or what you experienced

This is yet another tactic designed to make you look immature or mentally imbalanced.

For instance, you may report a bully for bullying you at school or a perverted boss at work for making a sexually suggestive comment to you. As a result, they may counter your complaint by making statements like:

“You’re just being a crybaby.”

“You’re too sensitive. You need to toughen up a little.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Aww, stop whining.”

or

“You need to lighten up.”

Bullies do this to embarrass and shame you into silence while, at the same time, covering themselves by minimizing their own behavior. In other words, they use shame and embarrassment, hoping you’ll shut up and allow them to keep abusing you.

They employ this tactic to cause others to doubt you, too. When others don’t believe you and choose to side with your bullies, it’s even tougher to know when someone is gaslighting you.

Moreover, when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to keep your mouth shut and go along with it. The reason for this compulsion is fear.

Bullies and abusers hope you’re afraid that if you don’t clam up, you’ll only suffer more abuse as punishment for daring to open your mouth.

However, don’t stay silent. Continue speaking out, doing so calmly yet with a strong voice.

Never apologize for feeling hurt or angry at someone else’s abuse! Never! In these situations, you have a right to feel the way you do! Let no one tell you how you should feel when you know with utmost certainty that you’re being abused!

Just tell them to shove it, walk away, and have nothing more to do with them.

4. Signs of Gaslighting:

you constantly second-guess yourself

The signs of gaslighting don’t only show up in your bullies; they show up in you, too.

Notice that you’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard. You self-monitor to make sure you do and say the right thing.

Furthermore, you make a judgment call or a choice, then turn right around and begin wondering if you said the right thing or made the right decision. You’re confused all the time.

Should I do this or that? Should I say it like this or like that? Do I make this choice or that?

Gaslighting does this to its victims. Understand that this is no way to live.

You can only solve this problem when you stop worrying about what others think and know that your first instinct is usually the correct one. Also, cut the toxic people out of your life.

5. One of the main signs of gaslighting: you constantly bend knee to keep from being further gaslighted

When bullies gaslight you daily, it can be tempting to apologize excessively. Again, understand that when bullies gaslight you, they re-victimize you by countering you for calling them out or reporting them. In a sense, they re-victimize you a second time.

 Gaslighting is the primary reason why targets are often led to apologize for things that don’t require an apology. Calling someone out on their evil actions is one of those things that doesn’t warrant it.

I understand that the apologies that victims make are often knee-jerk reactions that come from extreme fear of gaslighting. Moreover, the incessant apologies are a way to appease the bullies and make them go away, leaving them alone.

However, bullies know this, and that’s why they gaslight you and use it to their advantage. They also know that such an apology isn’t heartfelt and that you’re only trying to pacify them and keep them from harming you again.

never give an unwarranted apology.

As tempting as it is, you should never apologize for confronting anyone over their abuse because, when you do, you only take away your own power and hand it over to your bullies.

On the other hand, when you refuse to apologize where an apology isn’t needed, it’s a sign of greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. It also shows that you have more dignity and integrity.

It pays to know when to apologize and when not to. So, do it only when you should. Not when others think you should.

This only gives the bullies an ego boost and makes you appear weak.

Doing other things to appease the bullies, such as staying silent and doing what they want at your own expense, is also a form of bending the knee to them. Because bullies don’t only gaslight you for speaking out about their abuse and reporting them to authority members, they also gaslight you for refusing to give in to their demands.

Therefore, never apologize for calling a bully out or refusing to do what they want. Also, never cave in and obey if the bully demands that you do what they want. The only chance you have to end the gaslighting is to stand up to it, then distance yourself from the gaslighters.

6. Signs of GAslighting:

your bullies label you as “Unhinged.”

This is, perhaps, the cruelest form of gaslighting.

There is nothing that discredits victims like the “cray-cray” label. Even bank robbers and former prison inmates are believed more by others than someone who others have labeled mentally ill.

Labeling another person as mentally imbalanced is too easy because people have a strong tendency to see the worst in others, especially today. The mental health label also has lots of staying power.

Moreover, mental instability is the most difficult to disprove. Why? Because although your abusers can never prove that you are, in fact, bonkers, there’s also no way you can prove that you’re not.

Another reason it’s so hard to disprove is that any victim of bullying will more than likely be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer. And if your bullies can make you look loony, then who’s going to believe you when you speak out about the abuse?

The burden of proof falls on you.

However, know this. Any time bullies and abusers pull the “cray” card, they do it as a last option. The unstable label is used when there’s nothing else they can pin on you. Bullies use this tactic out of desperation when they know you’re onto them and their true natures are about to be discovered.

Here’s something else you should think about.

when bullies label you Loony, THEY ACTUALLY KNOW YOU’RE not.

When bullies label you as bonkers, it doesn’t mean they actually think you are.

Remember that bullies are big cowards, and if they really and honestly thought you were off your rocker, they wouldn’t come near you.

In other words, if a person with any common sense knows someone who is factually and legitimately batshit loony, their first instinct is to either stay away from the person or walk lightly around them and do their due diligence to keep from setting them off!

Why? Because a cr4zy person has no filter and no sense of right and wrong. Therefore, they have no reservations about seriously hurting someone or worse.

So, though they may label you as such, they know that you aren’t. What your bullies really think is that you’re weak. They only play the mental card to discredit you.

Always remember that.

To counter this, you must point out exactly what they’re doing and why they do it. Reject the label and continue to speak out, no matter what they may call you. The key to doing this is not to care what people think and eighty-six anyone who sticks you with the label, or any label for that matter.

7. Signs of Gaslighting:

you feel you can’t do anything right.

In other words, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you stay silent and take it, they call you a wuss. If you report the abuse or stand against it, you’re either a bad person or you have a mental illness.

This is a form of gaslighting because it’s designed to confuse you and leave you filled with doubt. That’s what gaslighting does.

The way to combat this type of gaslighting is to stand firm and never give relevance to your bullies or their tactics. Stand your ground and stick to your guns. Remember, the trick is not to care less what they say or think. Don’t give it any oxygen and put some distance between yourself and your abusers. That’s how you win against gaslighters.

Your bullies may not change their attitudes toward you, but they’ll eventually disappear from your life if they can’t manipulate and gaslight you. Why? Because they prefer easy prey rather than someone who makes them work at it.

Also, you’ll feel much better about yourself knowing that you were wise to their games, stood up to them, and avoided future gaslighting.

this post was all about the 7 most common signs of gaslighting to help you wise up to the mind games and gather the confidence to stand against it and put a stop to it.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use