Category: power

Real Power versus Fake Power

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There is fake power and there is real power. It’s not the power bullies have. It’s the power they can make you think they have. Therefore, the power you think your bullies have is the power you give them. Everyone knows that, deep down, at their very core, bullies are nothing but incompetent sniveling cowards. Yet, they’re good at using force to get people to agree with them and submit to their whims.

Moreover, by using force, sometimes violence, bullies fool you into thinking you don’t have an ounce of power. But! When you allow people to hoodwink you into thinking that you are powerless, you give up your power.

Realize that the use of force is the only way bullies can have power. They draw their power by instilling terror in you. They cause you to fear their punishment. The greater the power you are conditioned to think these bullies have, the more dangerous their abuse will be.

Additionally, bullies use the fear of retaliation to silence you and prevent you from telling others of their abuse. I’ll say it again, bullies are notorious for using fear and brute force to control you. However, that’s not real power.

Now, I can hear you. You are probably asking, “Well, what is real power?”

Real power is power that comes naturally and requires little effort. Here are the sources.

Sources of Real Power
  1. Talents
  2. Emotional Intelligence (how you react to adversity)
  3. The right education
  4. Knowing what others need and want
  5. Street smarts
  6. Physical attractiveness
  7. Natural Charm

One quick note! Bullies may also have any or all these sources of real power. However, they may use them for evil- to deceive and harm others. These bullies are the most dangerous.

Sources of Fake Power

  1. Deception (keeping up an image)
  2. Ultimatums
  3. Gaslighting
  4. Bluffing
  5. Blocking of vital resources (food, water, money, jobs, housing, access to information, silencing of communication, money, etc.)
  6. Control of your thinking, words, actions, movement, etc.
  7. Subjugation
  8. Entrapment
  9. Physical size and strength
  10. Superficial charm
  11. Position on a hierarchy (company boss, socialite, most popular kid in school, etc.)

the fruits of Fake power versus real power

Real power requires very little work. Whereas instilling fear and wielding force requires a lot of effort on the parts of the bullies.

Also, real power fosters trust. It makes people feel safe. While fake power violates trust and the safety and security of others. People feel threatened by fake power.

Real power is earned and acquired based on merit . Fake power is stolen and acquired by deception.

Real power comes from your innate gifts- things that can never be taken from you. Fake power comes from outer gifts, such as a high position in a company- things that can be taken from you anytime.

In short, the use of real power attracts people. The use of fake power only repels them.

Although others may seem to admire bullies, even worship them. However, they do so either because they’ve been deceived, to get something from them, or out of fear.  Fake power is superficial. And the flying monkeys and followers of a bully can evaporate so easily. I’ve seen the downfall of many a bully and the people who follow them immediately disappeared.

Therefore, you must see the bigger picture and ask yourself from what sources bullies draw their power and how they use it. You must ask yourself how much effort your bullies must expend to have the power they possess and what their motives and intentions are. Train yourself to see behind their curtain. Most importantly, you must find ways to empower yourself without taking personal power from others.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying for Increased Social Status

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Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status. And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the social status of the bully is increased, while that of the target is reduced.

For many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former. On the other hand, if the bully does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake.

In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

A Zero Sum Game

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

But most bullies don’t have a lot of money. And these are the types who achieve social status through exploitation of other mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

Bullying is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement, such as joining a positive movement or donating to a charity. However, one tiny mistake can instantly tarnish one’s reputation and all the good they’ve done.

The world is, sadly, quick to blame a person for any negative qualities or actions while slow to forgive or to give credit for good deeds. And bullies instinctively know this and take full advantage of it.

The only way they can excel up the social hierarchy is by demeaning others. And they do it by taking the tiniest mistake you make, adding to it, and blowing it up to decrease your social ranking.

The Only Way for Most Bullies to Have Power

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

In doing this, bullies garner support from others who are just like them and who share the same values. After all, bullying is most effective in group situations, where people unite to serve a certain objective. Bullies never work alone. They always have people backing them.

Group bullying not only gives talentless bullies a sense of belonging, but it also tightens the bonds among members of the group. Furthermore, this collective bullying gives them not only anonymity, but also makes them more successful in bringing the target down than if the bullies worked alone.

Another advantage to group bullying is the mob mentality it produces. It’s a dark part of human nature that people conform and imitate the behaviors of other members of the group. Therefore, in groups, bullies have much more impact and can make a much bigger impact.

Bullies Never Work Alone, They’re Too Cowardly

However, understand that people who rely on their ability to bully others out of existence to achieve social gain can never achieve it any other way.

These types of people are the talentless, the lazy, and the incompetent. They have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence. You must see these bullies exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

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Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Never Ask a Bully, “Why?”

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Many targets who are bullied will ask their bullies why.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Why me?”

“What did I ever do to you?”

Realize that these questions are pointless because, by asking these types of questions, the target is only reinforcing their role as victim and that’s not good. Also, a bully will never answer those questions and it’s because they can’t answer them. Even if they could answer them, they’d either never tell you, or they wouldn’t tell you the correct answer.

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you guessing and asking these questions- to keep you confused and in the dark. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words.

Again, bullies love to keep you guessing and trying to wrack your brain. That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior and they can do it without you catching on to the reality that they are really the ones with the problem and not you.

It’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. I promise that you’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Deeper Explanation of Power

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Everyone wants to have power. You, me, everyone. It’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is hell on earth. That’s why I say, everyone wants power, if only a little of it.

When a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. In essence, they are as a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them. And it’s a terrible way to live because, without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It would be the worst thing that could ever happen to you!

Normal people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through making accomplishments and achievements. They get power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs, their family life, their talents, their finances, and their physical health.  Therefore, people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they display their talents and gifts. And it’s why they take pride in their families.

For instance, a mother gets her sense of power from her ability to create a good home for her babies. A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. A singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice, through song. An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport, and a student gets her sense of power through making exceptional grades, getting diplomas/degrees, and winning titles, such as Honor Roll, Summa Cum Laude, or Magna Cum Laude. And they all do it without stepping on others.

Understand that getting power this way doesn’t require hurting others and there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

Personal power is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path- to choose your own wants, having the autonomy to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you are already the director of your own life-movie. Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course, but with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course. You may have to take detours, and yes, you may have to take the long way to your destination, but you know where you’re going, and you eventually get to where you want to go.

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because bullies are incompetent fools who have no intelligence (social or otherwise). They also have no sense of responsibility, no talent- no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The only way bullies can achieve satisfaction, happiness, success, or self-actualization (power) is to inflict harm on others. The only way they can achieve power in their jobs, families, finances, etc. is by steamrolling people. Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

Power over is lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. Power over violates boundaries. It shows no respect or regard, and it seeks to oppress and block the target from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom. In power over there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (the target). Power over is a zero-sum game. Always!

Power over is against personal power and it only takes it away.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s so important that you begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free. You will finally begin living instead of existing.

With knowledge comes empowerment.