‘Want to know what bystanders to bullying do when they see you getting bullied? Here are all the details you need to know about.
Bystanders can be the difference of whether the bullying lessens or worsens. Sadly, most bystanders either refuse to help you if you suffer bullying, or they join in.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bystanders to bullying and why they side with bullies.
Once you learn all about this information, you will not only be able to call out bystanders who band with bullies, you will be better equipped with the knowledge to defend yourself.
This post is all about bystanders to bullying and why most choose to either watch from the sidelines or join in the torment.
Bystanders to bullying
There are many reasons witness to bullying may join the bullies in tormenting you. Here are the most common reasons they do this.
1. Group-think
Excessive group-think is the accepted norm nowadays. Moreover, it’s like that everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!
A moderate amount of it is only human nature. Why? Because it’s how we conform to rules and laws. Also, it provides stability for a community.
However, excessive group-think is unhealthy, even dangerous! It’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.
An example of group-think is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.
Therefore, when there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, people who would not typically bully, will. And they’ll do it simply because everyone is doing it. So, they think they should get in on it too.
It’s definitely like that in schools and workplaces and has been for decades. Do you wonder why people you thought were friends suddenly and without warning turn on you?
It’s because they are followers. They want to follow the crowd. Therefore, they’ll join in on bullying you to jump on the bandwagon.
These bystanders use you to get in with the cool kids. They want to feel like one of the big guys.
I can remember in high school, most of the other kids and a few teachers shared this toxic group behavior. Again, this happens everywhere.
2. Bystanders to Bullying:
Social Contagion
Why Not? Everybody Else is Bullying Her!
Peer pressure is the best motivator. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only drones to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.
They were slaves to the prospect of getting in good with “one of the cool kids” or “the ‘Good Ole Boy” network.
‘You see? Bullies are nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talk out both sides of their mouths, holding you to a double standard.
In other words, they pretend to be something they aren’t and never cab be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression are all punishable offenses to bullies. Why?
Because they make everything about appearances. Moreover, bystanders defend people based on whose butt they want to kiss. Remember that most bystanders want move up the social ladder.
Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies because, sadly, bullies have the power to give them higher social status. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.
Bullies, themselves, are also suck-ups. Many pathetically suck up to authority members they secretly can’t stand because they think it’ll score brownie points. And often, it does.
Also, secondary bullies take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular. Again, secondary bullies are usually bystanders who watch your bullies bully you and join in.
And hose who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you.
3. To Get in with the Big Shots
For example, back when I was in school, I knew many bystanders who become secondary bullies, hoping it would win him higher status. He was the son of one of the teachers at school.
Very few of the top bullies liked this wuss. In fact, hardly anyone liked him, yet he would lick the right boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them.
It didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him. It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.
On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.
Whoever puts on the most convincing front is usually rewarded with high social status. Moreover, not only the other classmates but many teachers and school staff reward them.
Bystanders to Bullying:
Ways Bystanders suck up to Bullies
Many use fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing. And it’s not because they like and respect these higher-ups. No.
The reason bystanders kiss their asses is to get something from them.
They also use false flattery and toxic conformity. And most of the time, it works. It makes the bullies puffed up and overconfident. Also, it yields immense social benefits for all the wannabes.
Therefore, they maintain the status quo of ritualistic bullying of those they deem socially unfit.
Most bullies have narcissism. Also, they struggle with low self-esteem. Therefore, they’re like tires with slow leaks. Their followers must continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat.
4. To Boot-Lick for Approval
Thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top surround themselves with weak wannabes. They need boot-lickers and yes-people to feed their hungry egos and tell them what they want to hear.
Sadly, most bystanders are more than happy to do it if it has a chance of rewarding them with high popularity and favors.
The high-status bullies expect everyone to think like them, dress like them and be like them. Moreover, they expect all the underlings to agree with them.
And they follow obediently, in lock-step. On the other hand, they target those who do their own thing and like being themselves.
5. Bystanders to Bullying:
Because Everyone Else is Doing it.
We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves.
We put our best foot forward to impress others. Moreover, we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it.
Most people give the illusion that they’re a hot item. Why? Because they instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to. Moreover, they’re afraid of not being accepted.
“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”
Put more plainly; people tend to do what they think everyone else is doing. In other words, they strive to follow the pack or join the bandwagon. They want to get in on the next big thing.
Whether it’s a new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others, most people want to be a part of it.
For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!
It’s the same in the social arena.
Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. This crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool.
In fact, it might be the opposite but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone else thinks they are. They want to be seen with them. Therefore, so do you.
Again, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.
Consequently, if everyone else is bullying you, total strangers who have never met you will try it too. Even your so-called friends will also try to bully you.
Bystanders to Bullying:
Group Behavior
Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd! Therefore, if bullying you is the happening thing, other people will want to join in.
However, know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t mean that you somehow deserve the mistreatment.
What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.
In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual with them. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.
The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare. And the better you prepare, the better you can defend yourself.
Therefore, continue to stand strong even if you must stand alone. Defend yourself against these wackos, no matter what.
They may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you saw these creeps for who they are and stood up to them.
This post is all about why bystanders to bullying join your bullies and how you should see them for the kind of people they are.
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3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims