Category: bullying

Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

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‘Ever wondered why you have a fear of setting boundaries? Do you want to know what you can do about it? Here’s why you’re afraid to stick up for yourself and ways you can turn it around.

fear of setting boundaries

Many victims of bullying have a fear of setting boundaries. Why, because bullies have taken their confidence, self-esteem and personal power.

This is heartbreaking because when you’re too afraid to set boundaries, your human rights go out the window. Moreover, it makes for a miserable existence because you’re at the mercy of other people’s whims.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you have such a fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to change it and get your life back.

Once you learn all the reasons, you will be more compelled to squash that fear and begin acting and speaking in your own behalf. In that, you’ll eventually take back your autonomy and freedom.

This post is all about the fear of setting boundaries, why you have it, and what you can do to change it so that you can finally take back control of your life!

Fear of Setting Boundaries

All too often, victims of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them.

Therefore, they suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. You don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying, like you, feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. Therefore, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it.

Remember that bullying, like any other form of abuse, thrives on your silence. Therefore, it takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something few bullying victims have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a victim.

To them,  you have no rights and deserve no human dignity. Bullies don’t see you as a human being, deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

Therefore, they feel they have carte blanche to abuse you and expect you to stay quiet about it. However, don’t be afraid to speak out in your behalf. Even more importantly, don’t fear standing up to the bullies.

Understand that you have just as much of a right as anyone else to defend yourself and to ensure your own safety. So, don’t wait on anyone else to help you. Protecting yourself from harm is your responsibility.

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people have bullied you for so long. Why?

Because they’ve brainwashed you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many victims have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them.

Moreover, many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why you cave in to the bullies’ demands. You may feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. You fear the bullies will retaliate.

This is understandable. Bullies can put the fear of God in you if you don’t know your rights.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. Moreover, you know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. Therefore, they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

However, what you may not realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Therefore, you take your power back.

4. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve the abuse.

If you’ve been bullied for a long time, your bullies may have gaslighted you into believing that you somehow deserve the abuse. However, let me assure you. You don’t!

No matter how they blame you for their behavior, I repeat, you do not deserve to be bullied. And I say this with full conviction!

Therefore, realize that bullies know that what they’re doing is wrong. They have to know it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t demand that you stay silent about the abuse. Moreover, they wouldn’t work so damn hard to convince you that you did something to make them behave the way they do.

They also wouldn’t spend the time searching for any justification for their bullying. And they wouldn’t constantly go around spreading falsehoods about you to everyone who’ll listen.

Remember, bullying takes a lot of work. In other words, bullies must work hard to maintain their phony facades and cover up their lies and abuse. Moreover, they must also work hard to keep you powerless.

5. You Fear Physical Retaliation.

I understand the intense fear of getting beat up. No one looks forward to being attacked on the playground, in the bathroom, or in the company parking lot.

However, if your bullies have threatened physical violence for defending yourself, then you must be willing to fight and not back down.

In other words, you either face your fear and fight back or continue being scared and living under the thumb of bullies.

The choice is yours. And you never know. If you fight back, you just might beat the living snot out of your bully and stop them from messing with you. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re in a survival situation!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Before you’re able to stand up for yourself, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

Again, it takes confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors. In other words, stop the defense mechanisms you tried in the past that failed.

Why? Because these defense mechanisms are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life have conditioned you to respond.

So, what behaviors are we referring too here? In other words, what defense mechanism do you need to stop doing?

  • You must stop over-apologizing.
  • You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.
  • Stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.
  • Stop wondering what you did wrong.
  • You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.
  • You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to use any of the ineffective measures above.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. Also, you must learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels.

Moreover, trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions. And realize that, sometimes, it takes dogged determination to defend yourself from bullies.

In other words,

  • Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.
  • Though they may blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.
  • Even if they tell you that you’re cr4zy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t accept their bullshit.
  • Though they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t put up with it.
  • Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.
  • And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that!  Put up those dukes and throw down if you need to! Or, if you must, get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Understand that it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

  • “Stop it!”
  • “Cut it out!”
  • “Knock it off!”
  • “Get away from me!”
  • “Get out!”

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone.

There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. And, if nothing else, know this!

You have more power than you know. Fear is thinking you don’t have the power you actually do have.

So, stick to your guns and hold your ground!

This post was all about the reasons for your fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to squelch your fear and take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

6. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

signs someone is gaslighting you in a relationship

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

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‘Want to know the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms you have while it’s happening?

signs someone is gaslighting you

When people gaslight you, you may not know it but you’ll feel it if you pay attention. Victims of gaslighting often start out as confident and level-headed people.

However, once a gaslighter gets a hold of them, they can go on such a downward spiral. They continue this decline until their confidence and self belief are completely stripped of them and they become shells of their former selves.

In this post, you will learn the 13 signs that someone is gaslighting you. These are the symptoms you feel in your mind, body, and heart.

Once you learn all these physical and psychological effects, you will be better able to recognize it not only in the other person’s behavior, but also in how you feel.

This post is all about the signs someone is gaslighting you so that you can recognize it when it happens and decide on a course of action to get away from your gaslighter.

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their victims, as are domestic, child, and sexual abusers. In reality, bullies are abusers and abusers are bullies. However, that’s the topic of another post.

As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the target as cr*zy. Moreover, they will try to reverse the roles to make the victim look like the bully.

They may even try to convince the victim that what happened didn’t really happen. The bully/abuser might say that it was all in the targeted person’s imagination. Also, bullies may accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or overreacting.

Therefore, if you’re someone who is gaslighted, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up. And they want you to stay silent about the abuse so that they can keep their moral high ground and continue looking good to others.

Moreover, they do it to make you doubt your sanity. Now, you may ask what they have to gain from this.

Realize that these bullies know that if they can make you doubt your own sanity, then it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to recognize what these bullies are doing because, in most cases, others may agree with them. Others outside the bully/victim relationship may believe that you really are mentally unbalanced, or too sensitive.

And when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to say, “well, maybe I really am overreacting. Therefore, you just clam up and go along with it to keep from being further bullied and gaslighted.

So, what are the signs someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You constantly second guess yourself.

It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing.

This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

Moreover, you’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Realize that too much second guessing can cause you to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness. That’s no way to live!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think. Also, understand that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day.

They don’t call it “crazymaking” for nothing because it can drive you cr*zy. In other words, when people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks.

Why? because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

The best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You over-apologize.

You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. Moreover, you apologize for other people’s behavior.

You may even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

Therefore, understand that some things do not require an apology. Know what those things are, then flat refuse to give any apologies. There’s no need for apologies when people are treating you like doody!

4. You’re confused all the time.

Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion. Again, stop worrying about what others will think or say. This is your life! Don’t waste another second of it jumping through hoops for people who don’t give two hoots about you.

Stand up to them and tell them to go @$%# themselves! Then sever ties, baby! Walk away from them without even looking back!

5. You’re never happy but feel you should be.

That’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted! Why? Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens.

Therefore, realize that your feelings are right on target. You should be happier. Only you have a gaslighting abuser in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve. And, what’s worse is that you’re enabling them!

Please understand that in no way am I blaming you. However, you must realize that you have more power than you’re being led to believe you have.

It’s time for you to get angry and tell these people to go kick rocks! Life’s too short to put up with people who mistreat you! You deserve better!

6. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You make excuses for other people’s behavior.

This especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know.

Moreover, you’re riddled with shame over it. It can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others.

Hence, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being treated like a pile of manure, but also, to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

However, the only way to stop the abuse is to face the truth and ditch these fakers! Realize that, if you must make excuses for people who only bully and abuse you, they can’t be friends.

It’s time to show them OUT! And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be!

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about.

When you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag! People are going to ridicule you no matter what. So, why lie about anything?

Ask yourself this question. Who are these chumps that you should have to lie?

The best thing to do is to be honest. Then, if they have a problem with it, tell them to shove off. It’s better to be honest then to live in regret, wishing you had spoke your mind when they were the ones being abusive.

Show these morons the door! Fast!

8. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

You’ve noticed a change in yourself and it isn’t a good one. You’re not the happy and healthy person you once were and, chances are, you don’t know why.

Therefore, this is the time to begin evaluating all your relationships and know who your abusers are. Once you figure out who’s making you feel so rotten, you must make some tough decisions as to who to keep in your life and who to let go.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

Its not that you can’t do anything right. It’s just that you’re allowing yourself to be forced to live life on someone else’s terms and not your own.

Moreover, your bullies are forcing you to live up to their standards and not yours. Again, life is too short to be anything but happy. Therefore, gather the courage to make the changes you must make to salvage your peace.

This means establishing and setting boundaries. Then, you must be ready to enforce those boundaries if ever the need arises.

You must not allow a single soul to disrupt your peace and your happiness.

10.  You feel hopeless.

I’ve been there. However, you must realize that nothing is hopeless. Especially if people bully and abuse you. It’s not easy to leave a toxic workplace when you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, quietly begin looking for new employment now and line something up.

Then, when a new job comes up, quit!

The same goes if you have a partner who abuses and gaslights you. Start putting money away or reach out to your family to provide a place for you until you get a job.

The idea is to get away from the gaslighters in your life.

11. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You wonder if you’re good enough.

Trust me! You are good enough! You’ve only been led to believe that you aren’t. Understand that people have succeeded in breaking your confidence. Therefore, you must begin working hard to regain that confidence!

How you start is to find ways to get rid of the gaslighter in your life.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself. In other words, it causes you to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Therefore, understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body. Put another way, listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

In most cases, the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

13. You Feel Trapped.

This goes especially for abused partners. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be anything but! However, gather the courage to do what you must to take back your personal power and your life.

It may take a while and you will go through a grieving process. However, once you’ve gone through the sadness, you will be amazed at how much freer and more empowered you’ll be.

Moreover, you’ll have peace and happiness like you never thought possible.

This post was all about the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms that go with it to prompt you to make the changes necessary for your self-esteem and mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

open letter to bullies at school

Open Letter to Bullies: From One who Overcame

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Here is an open letter to bullies from a victim who survived and overcame them. These are the words victims want to say to their bullies someday.

open letter to bullies

open letter to bullies

Sometimes it’s does victims good to write an open letter to bullies… without sending it, of course. Here is what millions of victims around the world would love to say to their bullies.

In this post, you will read an open letter to bullies so that  you can get a sneak peek into the mind of every victim of bullying.

Once you learn what victims of bullying really think, not only will you relate to these words if you’ve even been bullies, but you will understand that you aren’t alone in your fight.

This post is all about the open letter to bullies and what victims think but almost never get the chance to say.

Open Letter to Bullies

Much to your chagrin, I’m no longer the naive kid of yesterday, but the wise adult of today. And the beauty of getting older is the wisdom you store up and the realization that you’re perfect just the way you are and always have been.

Moreover, you realize that you never needed certain people in the first place and that some people don’t belong in your life.

Another great thing about getting older is that you become completely secure and comfortable in your own skin. You can speak your mind no matter who sees and hears it because you could care less what others think.

Who are you, anyway? Who are any of you to think you can define anyone?

I’m the only one who can decide who I am because I’m the only one who has that kind of power.

So many people tell me things, and it is people you’d never expect. ‘You know. Those who tell you stories of people you could care less about and regardless of whether you want to hear them? Yeah, those types.

Believe it or not, some of them are people you think are your friends.

Oh, yeah! They stop me in places like the supermarket and the gas station, or when I’m just passing through. They tell me that many of you keep up with my social media posts and regularly read my blog. Yep. I know all about it.

So, I don’t doubt that you’ll read this blog post too. Therefore, I’m writing this to help you indulge yourselves. Because you only expose yourselves and your obsession.

Open Letter to Bullies:

Most people are blessings, you, on the other hand, were only lessons.

To be real, I could care less about what or how any of you are doing. Because you were only people God was teaching me to look out for. In other words, you were lessons, not blessings. And the things I take away from having the displeasure of even knowing you are these:

That if I can survive your obsessive bullying and mobbing for six long years, then I can survive anything. Oh, yes! You most certainly showed me my own strength, resilience, and determination.

You showed me the type of people I don’t want in my life and who aren’t good enough to be in it. Moreover, you showed me the type of person I never want to become.

You gave me a much better appreciation for the real friends I have today. Also, you gave me a thick skin and a fighting spirit.

You gave me clarity- clarity of what I want and what I will and will not tolerate. Additionally, you gave me the confidence to know that hard times are only temporary and they will eventually pass.

Your degradation gave me the drive and determination to have what I want out of life. And your bullying was the motivation I needed to work hard and keep going after it until I reach my dreams.

You gave me the desire not only to learn and improve my knowledge of bullying.  You also gave me the will to use what you tried to do to protect other innocents from people like you.

Open Letter to Bullies:

You didn’t destroy me, you only motivated me.

Also, you gave me the ability to spot a liar and fake a mile away… in the dark! It’s funny how dealing with the likes of you can give one the ability to point out other liars and fakes without ever meeting them.

Therefore, I survived because my determination to remain standing superseded your desperation to tear me down. I overcame because the fire inside me burned hotter and brighter than the fire you ignited around my feet.

My efforts to reach happiness and success outmatched your efforts to keep me miserable and in failure. Moreover, my strength to keep going was much bigger than the force you expended to stop me.

I prevailed against odds that would’ve been overwhelming for the likes of you.

I graduated because I kept pushing myself and went on living through enormous threats and terrible circumstances. These were pressures under which you wusses would’ve dropped out of school.

Most people would’ve hated you. But I don’t. ‘You know why?

Because hate is a waste of energy, I’d rather spend my energy focusing on my goals. I’m too busy working on myself and pursuing my own agenda to hate on anyone. I make it about me. That’s right, all about me, my family, and my goals.

You only made a winner out of me.

I’ll give you this much. For a while, you had me down and even managed to keep me there during school. I forgot who I was. Or maybe without meaning to, I allowed you to take the knowledge of who I was from me. You even succeeded in making me out to be the troubled one.

And while you bullied, harassed, name-called, slut-shamed, shoved, tripped, jumped, beat, choked, and kicked me- even threatened my life with a blade on two different occasions; I was told to ignore it, to toughen up, and not to snitch.

Even worse, you had the chutzpah to tell me to be thankful that your abuse wasn’t worse and to just take it in silence.

Open Letter to Bullies:

But it didn’t last.

You couldn’t keep me in your little box. And once I slipped through your fingers, I began to flourish.

In the end, you only made a fighter and a winner out of me. You ended up making me more determined to love myself.  The girl who used to finish last now finishes first. Why? Because I put myself first.

When you all attacked me, others judged me unfairly and brutalized me- bystanders and even those I thought were friends. And that was worse because the betrayal was more devastating than the bullying and mobbing itself.

Oh, yes. I’ll admit. People, even a few school staff, only scoffed when I went to them for help. They sneered when I tried to explain to them the hell you were putting me through.

When I needed a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, they only ignored me. When I needed someone to care, understand, and make sense of what was happening, they abandoned me.

Therefore, for a while, you won.

I even went against my better judgment and asked many of you why. Not even you could give me a straight answer.  This should’ve been my first clue that none of you knew why you acted so ignorant. Chances are, you still don’t.

Though I was only a kid and didn’t realize it back then, it’s only proof that you had no excuse nor justification for the simple way you behaved. And the most astonishing part was you didn’t need any evidence of any wrongdoing to launch your petty attacks.

Open Letter to Bullies:

I’m No Longer Afraid of You.

The fact that no one cared about the truth nor even asked is only further proof that you all bullied and mobbed out of pure spite, ignorance, and stupidity.

 Furthermore, the same three afflictions are why a few teachers, who followed your lead, also bullied me to the point of considering a lawsuit.

A few even escalated the vitriol because they saw me as a threat.

Those few so-called teachers were afraid that I would file citing discrimination based on a perceived disability. Why? Because they found out about the daily journals, I kept each school day, documenting everything!

And I’ll never forget their reactions (and those of some of you) each time you all saw me writing. Therefore, it’s hilarious when I look back now because some of you seemed pretty desperate and afraid!

And the few spineless, undeserving losers that I was a fool to call friends? (Scoff) They didn’t have the stones to have my back, which means that I didn’t have any friends at OHS. So, should it matter to any of you if I speak up or stay silent?

You’re entitled to your opinion but not my respect, you never earned that.

I can be honest about it now because none of you are anyone I need to impress. Moreover, I surely don’t owe any of you anything- not even respect because you did nothing to earn it from me. So, you get none here.

And the few rotten apples who called themselves teachers? I now realize they only fell for your lies and smear campaigns out of sheer stupidity.

Those teachers, who were supposed to be adults, only allowed themselves to regress into children by joining you in your evil and spiteful attacks. Therefore, they weren’t smart at all, they were only educated idiots.

Open Letter to Bullies:

Dropping names isn’t my style.

Far be it from me to put anyone’s names out there because I won’t go that low. It’s not my style. However, I already suspect you know which teachers I’m referring to. Moreover, you know who you are. So, I’ll leave it there.

With you, the excuse was always, “I’m afraid of her!” or “She’s cr4zy!” However, the reality was that I was much more afraid of you than you ever were of me. But deep down, most of you were already aware of it.

Oh yeah. I know and you do too. I knew it back then; only I was too afraid to voice it because I knew what most of you would do if I opened my mouth. Oh, yes. You got that one for free. I was afraid of you all back then.

But the difference between then and now is that I’m not anymore. Now that I’m a grown woman, I’m not afraid of any of you. I don’t have to see any of you. You can’t touch me now. And you’re exactly where you belong- out of my life.

The Beauty of Age

It’s funny how age tends to embolden you and fill you with confidence. Moreover, you get less afraid as you grow older.

Therefore, I can say pretty much anything I want. And I say it loud and proud. Even better, I make speaking out about people like you my livelihood, my bread and butter, and my niche!

Therefore, in bullying me, you were only paving my path for me. In trying to instill fear, you only encouraged me. In trying to keep me down, you only uplifted me! And in turning others against me back then, you ultimately made me truer friends now than I ever could’ve imagined back then.

Now, you must ask yourselves what good all that meanness did in the long run. Also, ask yourselves where it got you. Because it certainly didn’t help any of you reach the top!

It didn’t get you fame or fortune because none of you ever went anywhere.

Open Letter to bullies:

Through Your resentment, you only expose your guilt.

And now, thanks to the book, more and more people know the truth. They know what really happened- more people than you ever thought would find out back when we were in school.

Even though I wasn’t out for revenge when I wrote the book, and therefore, had the common decency to conceal your real names and omit certain events that would’ve called you out for the devils you are, I consciously chose not to identify your sorry selves.

So, go ahead, show some chutzpah. Get offended, get angry, talk smack, I don’t care.

‘You see? The thing you don’t realize is that by getting your noses out of joint about the book, you unwittingly called yourselves out! By opening your mouths, you exposed yourselves as I already knew you would! So, who’s the “retard” now?

Again, I concealed your real names, which is more than what you deserved. Nevertheless, you get your emotions so stirred up you end up telling off on yourselves! So, I ask again. Who are the foolish ones?

‘You see? Here’s the thing. If someone had written a book about me and exposed me and all my dirt, but changed the name? I would’ve been smart enough to zip my lips and not to let on that the book was about me!

Moreover, I would’ve put on a poker face because I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I was one of the idiots who acted so immature back in the day. Only a fool would have let on that they were one of the brutes that mistreated a person so horribly. Especially if that person was powerless to defend herself!

Open Letter to Bullies:

Bullies no longer get the glory they once did.

And here another newsflash. Today, bullies don’t get the glory they got back in the ‘1980s. People look down on bullies nowadays! Why? Because they see them for the scared little cowards they truly are.

And let me address the immature, psychop4thic adults who’ve sent me threatening and nasty messages off and on for the first three years after the book was launched.

Heads up, folks!  I’ve both screenshotted and saved them all “just in case.” And I’ve already exposed one woman. Don’t be the next person I plaster all over the internet. Because I will, in essence, parade you naked before the eyes of the entire free world.

Lastly, if anything happens to me, anything at all, that book will be seen as a possible motive. Many, many people will come around, asking questions. And who do you think they’ll come to?

Who do you think those people will want answers from? Are you willing to take that risk?

The entire class will be under a microscope, and everyone will know what the possibilities are. But that’s all it takes. Isn’t it? And you’d know that better than anyone, wouldn’t you?

All it takes is one accusation. One offhand comment. One motive. The slightest suspicion. That’s it.

In closing, I want to thank you for making me the woman I am today.

This post was an open letter to bullies so that you can discover what most victims of bullying think. Also, you can have the courage to write your own if people bully you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies 

2. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

3. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

4. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

6. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

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It’s important that you never chase people who don’t see your worth. Would you like to know why? Here are the reasons never to try winning over those who don’t appreciate you and don’t want to be won over.

never chase people who don't see your worth

Many bullying victims are so anxious to make friends that they don’t set boundaries as to the way people should treat them. Therefore, as long as they don’t have to be by themselves, they overlook the shoddy ways their so-called friends treat them.

And once these fake friends are ready to discard them, these victims only beg them to stay friends with them or chase after them because they’re afraid of not having anyone at all.

Therefore, you will learn the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth.

Once you learn these reasons and that they’re good reasons, you will never again want to reduce yourself to chasing anyone who doesn’t value you.

This post is all about why you must never chase people who don’t see your worth. Also, it’s about what happens if you do and how you can easily let them go.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably fear being by yourself. Moreover, you chase friendships that aren’t true and get hurt many times over.

Why? Because it turns out that your pals are only tolerating you. And by the time you realize those people aren’t good for you, they’ve hurt, used, and humiliated you enough times that your self-esteem is damaged.

Here’s my advice to you if you feel lonely and desperate for friends:

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth! It is beneath you, and those who do not value you do not deserve the privilege of being in your life. Therefore, you need to cleanse your life of these toxic people.

I realize that if you are a target of bullying, your friendship options are minimal. Moreover, I know all too well of the humiliation of sitting alone at the lunch table at work or school.

It’s no fun watching everyone else getting to enjoy having friends around them while you’re isolated. Believe me, I get that.

However, if the options you do have are friends who only tolerate you. If they turn hot and cold, exclude you, or talk behind your back, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?

There is a difference between someone who genuinely likes you and someone who is only tolerating you. Moreover, you always know when someone is only tolerating you because of how you feel when the person is around.

You can feel it in your gut. Something is off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Also, you can hear the shortness and coldness in the tone of your so-called friend’s voices. You can see it in the way that they look at you (or refuse to look at you).

Your spidey senses are ringing because you can feel the cold vibes that they put out. There is nothing worse than realizing that someone you think highly of thinks very little of you.

It is the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling in the world. It is the equivalent of being kicked in the stomach!

However, I want you to know that you do not have to be around such poisonous people. Anyone who makes you feel uneasy does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, good-looking, popular, successful, cool, tough, or whatever.

If they make you feel bad about yourself, ditch them! Weed. Then. OUT! They are not worthy of being in your company. You are better off without them. Understand that this may mean staying to yourself for a time.

No one wants to be a loner. I understand it, and I sympathize with you. However, I believe that it’s much better to be alone than to crawl up behind anyone who does not see your value.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

You must gather the courage to walk away from such people.

It won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. It takes courage to walk away from a person or people who take you for granted, especially when options for human connections are so few.

And I won’t lie to you, you may be by yourself for a while. It may get lonely, even sad, and depressing at times. However, if you stay strong and true to your own heart, you’ll only increase your value.

Believe that you deserve so much better!

This is where setting boundaries comes in.

The reason people walk over you is because you don’t set boundaries. However, if you lack boundaries, you only invite a lack of respect from others. And, believe me, people notice when you don’t have boundaries.

They’ll look at you and laugh, telling others that you’re a wimp, pushover, or a doormat, and that’s putting it mildly. Most will use more colorful language to describe your lack of a backbone.

Therefore, get some! It’s the only way you’ll stand up to bullies and ditch fake friends. Know that setting boundaries isn’t wrong. It’s all a part of self-care.

Understand that anyone who doesn’t see your worth isn’t worth your time nor consideration. So, don’t be afraid to eight-six the creeps. Know that you can do bad by yourself! And you’re better off that way, alone, rather than keeping company with a bunch of lowlife pieces of shit.

Here’s Why You Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

1. You’ll only reduce your value.

In other words, you only cheapen yourself. Moreover, others will look at you and only see “pathetic” written all over you. You’ll constantly seek approval and put on fronts just to be accepted.

However, when you do these self-depreciating things, you only get the opposite of what you want. Therefore, show yourself some respect and ditch anyone who doesn’t give you the love and respect you deserve.

Once you start standing up for yourself, you’ll increase your value and others just might treat you better. And, if they don’t, they have no business being in your life.

2. Moreover, it could to an imbalance of power in relationships. This can perpetuate bullying.

Friendship isn’t supposed to hurt. In other words, real friends love you for you and you’re always on equal footing with them. There’s no imbalance of power because there’s mutual respect and love.

However, when you hang on to friends who only tolerate you, use you, and treat you like the last option, you only settle for friendships that are painful. Moreover, you surrender your power and give them the upper hand!

And once the other person has more power than you, the threat of bullying is there. And don’t think they won’t take advantage of it.

In fact, they may bully you just to make you go away. Therefore, place value on yourself and have nothing to do with those who don’t give you the respect you deserve.

Remember that if you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away, no one else will respect you either. It starts with you. Therefore, give yourself respect and watch others slowly begin to respect you.

3. Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

You’ll attract bullies and human predators.

When you chase people who don’t value you, you allow them to treat you like yesterday’s garbage. Human predators notice this right away. They notice your desperation. Therefore, they see you as a walking, talking opportunity.

And they’ll latch onto you just for the chance to take advantage of you or even hurt you. Therefore, treat yourself well by getting rid of those who only shit all over you.

If you get rid of people who only tolerate you and endure being alone for a while, life will reward you with true friends who genuinely care for you.

It may take a while. However, if you have the courage to walk away from fake people, life will eventually reward you for your courage. Moreover, it will do so by placing better and more loving people in your path.

You will eventually meet people who genuinely love you and have your best interests at heart.

Moreover, you’ll have better friends- friends who want to spend time with you, who want to invite you to parties and other events, and who will be there for you when the chips are down. You will have friends who are tried and true.

Be patient. Your time is coming!

This post is about the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth. It’s purpose is to prompt you to raise your own value by getting rid of those who don’t value you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

4. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

silence

Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

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‘Want to know the things school bullies try to hide? Here are 13 things that they’re ashamed of and possibly part of the reason they bully in the first place.

things school bullies try to hide

School bullies may come off like they’re invincible and others may think so too. However, they have things they keep secret and hope others never find out. And many of those secrets are sad. However, it doesn’t excuse their behavior.

You will learn the things school bullies try to hide so that you can be assured that they aren’t as cool or tough as they try to make you think.

Once you learn these truths, you will feel better about yourself and pity for your bullies. Moreover, you’ll no longer hate yourself nor them.

This post is all about the things school bullies try to hide so that victims can be assured that under that tough exterior, bullies are just as vulnerable as they are.

Things school bullies try to hide

Bullies keep so many secrets. They have to, to maintain the facade they hide behind.

In other words, bullies must continue to wear a veil of perfection, toughness, and coolness. They take extreme pains to keep that veil from falling off.

However, if you watch and listen, your bullies secrets will eventually seep through by either foolish mistakes they make, or through the gossip of others.

13 Things School Bullies Are Ashamed Of

1. One or both of their parents are drug dealers.

A few of your bullying classmates may came from homes that people buy drugs out of. Because of this, these bullies are either ashamed of what they were living in or they feel ignored at home and this is sad way to live.

Therefore, they bully you to cover that shame and get the attention at school that they aren’t getting at home.

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are on welfare.

Many bullies come from families that have a tradition of living on welfare. Moreover, in many cases, this goes back a few generations.

Sadly, a few of these bullies may deliberately have babies to draw a welfare check. Therefore, these are the kids who probably don’t care who knows.

However, most school bullies are ashamed of it and may take extreme measures to hide it from the rest of the student body.

Don’t get me wrong, I never look down on anyone who draws assistance. Life happens. We lose our jobs or issues with our health arise.

Therefore, sometimes we need a little help keeping the bills paid. I get that. But when someone tries to be someone they’re not and act like they’re better than the rest, I have an issue with it.

Granted, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it private, because, really, it’s none of anyone’s business. However, when you put on a facade and treat someone so rotten that they don’t want to live anymore, then maybe you deserve to be exposed.

3. Their parents fight all the time.

Many of your classmates may deal with drama at home. They may lie awake at night, hearing Mom and Dad fighting like cats and dogs in the next room.

They may consider this to be the norm. Therefore, they would start altercations at school too. You are what you live.

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are being abused/neglected by parents.

Several of your bullies may be getting their butts kicked at home. Therefore, they come to school to bully and physically attack you and a few others.

Why? Abused children feel powerless. And so, these bullies do it to overcompensate and feel some sense of power. If they have no control over their own lives, they’ll come to school and assert control over someone else’s.

5. Their mothers have a different partner over every night.

So many bullies come to school and called girls whores, sluts, and skanks. However, it may be that these are names they really want to call their own mothers. Many of my bully classmates lived in these types of circumstance.

 Why? Because, in most of these situations, the lovers in these mothers’ lives usually come before the needs of their children.

Moreover, being ignored and neglected can make a child angry after a while. Therefore, they come to school and bully you to get some of that anger out.

Either these mothers may be working in prostitution to pay the bills or they’re desperate and afraid to be alone. No judgement here, but it does happen.

Whatever the case may be, it’s harmful for the kids and may breed some resentment.

6. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

The Bullies have a parent who have an alcohol problem or drug addiction.

Such was the case with many of my school bullies years ago. Many of your bullies may be angry and bitter because they have parents who stay drunk and loaded. These parents usually put drugs and booze before their children.

 Therefore, it may force the family into poverty. Some of the parents may be “mean drunks” and lash out at their children.

Is it any wonder these bullies are so angry? This doesn’t justify their behavior. However, it should make you thankful if you live in a healthy home with loving and attentive parents.

Moreover, it should be a relief to you that your bullies are just as human as you and not the heroes they think they are.

7. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They have a parent who was supposedly a criminal.

One of my female bullies had a parent who was rumored to be a murderer. Although the suspected parent was a big wheel in the town and was never convicted, there was plenty of talk about it around town and everyone knew about it.

I believe there was a bit of shame and embarrassment there and she bullied to make herself feel better.

8. They’re living in abject poverty.

Many bullies may live in trailer parks, shacks, and in the projects. I can remember that some of my bullies didn’t have indoor plumbing and used outhouses for a bathroom- even in the winter.

Because they are ashamed of their living conditions, they’ll come to school and bully you to feel better about themselves.

Moreover, they may also bully you because they’re jealous that you might have life a little better than they do.

9. A parent has abandoned them.

Again, many bullies are full of anger and bitterness. Therefore, when they get to school, they’ll take it out on their vulnerable targets. It gives them a sense of power.

Also, because the parental abandonment throws many of these bullies into poverty, they’re also jealous of targets who have more than they do. Therefore, they bully them as punishment for being from families who are financially better off.

10. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’re victims of sexual abuse by a family member or their mothers’ boyfriends.

These kids feel utterly powerless. So, to not feel so helpless, they’ll jockey for power at school by asserting dominance over their victims.

11. They’ve had multiple abortions.

Many female bullies, especially those who are popular, sleep around. As a result, many become pregnant, sometimes two or three times during school.

Moreover, if their parents are public figures with images to protect, they’ll force their daughters to have abortions to hide it.

Why? Because they fear their perfect little families will come under scrutiny. I remember one girl being forced into one in the sixth grade.

This is not to voice any political viewpoints here. The point is that bullies are far from perfect (but aren’t we all?). 

Yet, they’ll move Heaven and Earth to hide any blemishes and wear a veil of sheer perfection. Moreover, bullies will condemn others for doing the same things they themselves are doing.

Bullies are notorious hypocrites.

12. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’ll go slumming.

Many bullies in the high school preppy crowd will sometimes go to the projects and sleep with some of the women who live there.

I can remember when the parents of two of my bullies found out that they were doing it, they sent them to a group home for the rest of the school year (ninth or tenth grade).

Again, bullies aren’t the shiny, perfect people they’d like you to think they are.

13. One of the teachers who bullied me was sleeping around

Teachers who bully certain students are known to have sordid affairs with some of the athletes on the school sports team.

Years ago, it was common knowledge around my town that my bully teacher was having these types of liaisons. However, because she had connections in town and her father was a businessman, she kept her job.

Moreover, everything was hush-hush around certain people who were allies of hers.

However, when people were at a safe distance and out of earshot of anyone who might have gone back and informed her of who the talkers were, they would trumpet the juicy info loud and proud.

In Conclusion

People can live their lives the way they want. No one is perfect and we all have hang-ups.

As long as it doesn’t affect your life, more power to them. But when they look down on others they deem unworthy of dignity and accuse them of committing the same sins as they do, it’s a clear indicator of gross hypocrisy.

The point is that most bullies have dirty little secrets they don’t want to get out. Always! Why do you think they target you with their vitriol?

It’s all designed to keep the negative spotlight off them and place it on you.

In other words, it’s a way to keep their own closet skeletons from seeing the light of day. Because if everyone is too busy looking at you, they pay less attention to their’ sins, snafus, and faux pas.

This is something you must keep in the back of your mind.

This post was all about things school bullies try to hide and the hypocrisy and double-standards that go along with bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

make new friends app

Make New Friends: 11 Insanely Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

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Are you friendless because bullies have destroyed your reputation? ‘Want to know how to make new friends and keep them? Here are the tried and true ways to attract friends into your life.

make new friends

When bullies have destroyed your good name, people often misjudge you and turn against you. But, what if I told you that there are still numerous opportunities for you to make new friends?

In this post, you will learn the exact steps to make new friends. Moreover, you’ll also learn how to keep them.

Once you learn all these powerful body language techniques and practice them long enough, they’ll become like second nature and you will attract good friends into your life.

Moreover, you will repel bullies and fake friends because they’ll sense that you aren’t the one they want to tangle with.

This post is all about how to make new friends through the use of body language so that you can attract healthy people into your life and repel the fakers.

Make New Friends

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will.

All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Moreover, they won’t want to be around you because they’ll see that you’re a victim. You’ll give off that bullied vibe that will only repeal the good, healthy people and attract bullies and abusers.

In fact, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence.

This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because others see insecurity in you. They may not know what it is nor where it comes from. However, they’ll sense that there’s something about you that’s not right.

Therefore, they’ll only move away from you, not closer. In other words, you won’t attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers.

Why? Because it’s human nature. People attract those who are most like they are.

Healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression while those who are unhealthy attract others who are unhealthy. Life attracts like.

Therefore, you’ll only attract people with low self-esteem. Even worse, you’ll also draw predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

You’d be surprised at how nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles or no smile at all, make you appear unapproachable. It’s the same with closed body language, such as crossing the arms over the chest.

Make New Friends:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. Therefore, don’t beat yourself up over it.

It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that well-meaning people in your life can teach you.

Even better, you can even teach yourself and practice it when you read the right books that teach it. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

And the best part is that, if you practice the methods you learn for long enough, if will come natural to you and you won’t even need to think about it.

Just imagine putting of the right signals and attracting people into your life without effort! Now THAT’S what I call winning!

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at!

However, people can easily spot a fake smile and it will only turn them off. A fake smile repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

Therefore, don’t just smile with your mouth. Do it with your eyes too. A real smile brings crinkles around the outer corners of the eyes. Don’t worry about any wrinkles. Because, trust me! These kinds of wrinkles are so attractive!

2. Make new friends:

Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. Moreover, people love those who take an interest in them.

Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. So, find that happy middle.

3. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. This means the feet should be shoulder-width apart and your hands must be on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

These signals convey confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with them.

Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them.

When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Make new Friends:

Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax!

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Make New Friends:

Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say.

Moreover, it’s downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to.

It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

Make New Friends

In Conclusion:

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit.

Practice them every day until they become second nature. Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

Just as it’s important to know what body language to use to make friends, it’s also equally as important to know what body language to avoid.

This post is all about how to make new friends so that you can draw healthier people into your life and repel the Bullies and other energy vampires.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1.Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by 

2. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

bullying within the family

Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

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‘Want to know how to protect yourself from family bullying and keep peace in the family? Here’s how to preserve your dignity while keeping down the drama.

family bullying

A school or workplace bully is hard enough to deal with. However, dealing with one in the family is an entirely different animal. It’s much worse because it’s a relative and there are ties to them. So, how do you go about refusing a family bully while preserving harmony among the members?

In this post, you will learn the best ways to buffer your self-esteem from the onslaught of bullying in the family and keep the peace.

Once you learn about all these methods, you will better be able to stand up to the bully, preserve your mental health, and save everyone else in the family a ton of drama.

This post is all about family bullying and what you can do to preserve peace not only for yourself but for the entire family.

Family bullying

Family bullying is much more common than most realize. Even the closest of families have that one person who loves to target a certain relative and create drama for everyone. This is a person who’s loud, obnoxious, rude, and can ruin many family outings and shindigs.

I can safely say that I’ve been lucky in this aspect. I’m extremely close to my family members and, in turn, they feel a closeness to me. Moreover, I’ve managed to avoid landing in the sights of the family drama queen/king.

However, from the many stories I’ve heard and articles I’ve read, many people aren’t as blessed.

Christmas is a time of joy and cheer. It’s the season of love, unity, and giving. From Christmas dinners, to gift exchanges, to playing fun games like “Bad Santa,” it’s the time of year when we spend the most time with our families.

However, with the coming holiday season also comes nervousness for many victims of bullying. Targets of a family bully are probably ringing their hands, wondering what to do should a situation arise during Christmas dinner.

Moreover, they’re wondering how they can stand up for themselves without subjecting all the relatives to one big shit show.

If you’re one of them, here are the best ways to refuse a bullying situation during family get-together without ruining a good time.

9 Tips You can use to Protect Yourself and the family from “That One” Relative.

1. Distance yourself from the family bully

Distancing yourself from the troublemaker can work wonders. This means sticking close to other relatives. For example, if it’s your mother who’s hosting Christmas dinner or any other shindig, you could stick close to her by helping her prepare the meal.

Helping with the preparations is one of THE best ways to protect yourself from the family bully because of three things:

1. You’re too busy helping to pay attention to any taunts and verbal assaults.

2. You’re raising your self-esteem by helping out because you’re making yourself useful to your mom. Moreover, you probably noticing the smile on her face as you make things easier for her. It’s psychologically rewarding when you’re able to help relieve someone else’s work and stress.

3. You’re the one helping Mom while the provocateur is standing around running their mouth and trying to stir up drama.

Therefore, you’re allowing the person to expose themselves and make a complete fool out of themselves without knowing it. Pretty good, huh?

2. How Handle Family Bullying:

surround yourself with other relatives who respect you.

Most bullies like to catch their victims alone. Therefore, when you surround yourself with other people who lift your spirits, you deter your harasser. Why? Because the last thing the instigator wants is to look like the bad guy, or worse, have someone else defend you against them.

Moreover, having other people who lift you up and like to have fun is a powerful distraction from the bully and their evil games. You’re too busy having fun with the other family members to give a hoot about the bully and their childish behavior.

Though this may cause the instigator to harass you even worse later, you’re enjoying yourself and the other relatives. Moreover, you’re turning what could be a showdown into a pleasant time for not only yourself but for everyone present.

3. To minimize the effects of family bullying, Defuse the provocateur’s behavior with humor.

In other words, when the instigator calls you a name or makes a derogatory statement toward you, make a joke of it. Or, you can just laugh about it.

Whichever route you choose, you’ll take the wind out of the bully’s sails. Also, the other relatives will get a chance to see just how calm, cool, and collected you are.

Moreover, you’ll expose the harasser for what they truly are and make them look like a fool.

4. avoid being alone with the family troublemaker.

Bullies love to catch you alone to intimidate you. Also, they thrive on silence and secrecy. They will catch you alone and insult you so that later, they can go to the other relatives and lie about you behind your back.

Not that they probably don’t do that anyway. However, if other relations happen to see you alone together, the more likely they are to believe the falsehoods. Therefore, avoid being caught alone and stick close to the others so that this has less chance of happening.

As mentioned in number one, busy yourself helping out around the house. This works wonders!

5. Another way to handle family bullying is to bring another family member to the festivities with you.

Rather than arriving at the holiday celebration alone, bring another family member with you or allow them to bring you. Again, being alone invites bullying but when you’re with someone else, chances of it goes way down.

When you’re with another family member, you’re not as vulnerable. Moreover, the instigator is less likely to mess with you.

Moreover, stick with that family member if you must. Your goal is to keep down any drama and, at the same time, protect yourself.

6. calmly call out their behavior.

This means calling out the troublemaker’s behavior by name.

 To call out bullying and abuse by name means knowing all the terms that are related to them. In other words, you must know terms such as “gaslighting,” “projection,” “distraction,” “defame,” “shaming,” and other such words. You must also know their meanings.

Knowing the names of the bad behavior the bully exhibits will help you call the bully out in a much more clear and intelligible manner. In other words, you won’t seem like you’re rambling.

Moreover, you will be much calmer and more at ease than you would be if you were desperately trying to find the words to describe this person’s actions.

If you haven’t yet learned all the words that describe different tactics of bullying and their definitions, it’s best that you learn them and know them by heart.

The last thing you won’t is for the bully to come back with something to make you look like the bad guy. Knowing this information lessens that likelihood.

7. Handling family bullying also means Refusing to fall for the silent treatment.

Many manipulators employ the silent treatment to get back control of their victims. This is a form of emotional manipulation. Therefore, don’t let it get to you.

The trick is to not care what they do. Or, you can look at the bright side of the silent treatment and welcome it.

In other words, see the silent treatment as the reprieve you’ve been looking for. This is the best way to turn the tables on the dealer of this type of humiliation.

The silent treatment can be a good thing because it means not having to listen to the instigator’s big mouth and the garbage they spew forth.

In other words, when people are avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them being under your butt or in your face all the time. Nobody bothers you, so that’s a huge plus!

Also, enjoy it while it lasts, because once the person catches on that you either don’t care or enjoy the silence, get ready for them to really act out. Therefore, ask yourself this. Who’s really in control, them or you?

So, who’s the one whose really in control here? You or them?

8. watch YOUR CHILDREN.

Sometimes, the bully will get their children to tease your kids. Therefore, keep an eye out. If the troublemaker’s children tease yours, calmly separate them from the other person’s kids.

9. leave and make other arrangements.

If all else fails. It’s best to leave and make other arrangements. Without you, the bully doesn’t have a target. Moreover, you can arrange a Christmas party at your home and invite the family, sans the troublemaker, of course.

And when they come to your place, host the best party for them that you can. After all, they’re your family and they deserve to have the best time you can give them.

So, be a good host/hostess for them.

This post was all about family bullying and what you can do to protect yourself and keep peace among your relatives.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

the effects of bullying at school

The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

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‘Want to know the effects of bullying so that you can take steps to salvage your mental health? Here are all the aftereffects victims suffer.

the effects of bullying

Bullying crushes your spirit. It sucks the joy out of life and reprograms the mind. If you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to believe the lies bullies tell you and see yourself through your bullies’ eyes.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the effects of bullying so that you’ll recognize these aftereffects when you feel them.

Once you learn all about these crushing mental health consequences, you will be more compelled to take steps to protect your self-esteem.

This post is all about the effects of bullying so that you will become proactive in guarding your mental health from social leeches who wish to destroy it.

The Effects of Bullying

Sadly, bullies have ways of making you believe that, just maybe, they have a justifiable reason to bully you. However, you can’t seem to figure what it is.

Realize that this is your first clue that they’re lying to you. In other words, if someone tells you that you deserve bad treatment but can’t give you any reasons why, there may not be any reasons for their behavior.

Therefore, when you try to find out why, you’re probably searching for reasons that aren’t there. Understand that this is a sign that your bullies are only gaslighting you.

However, most victims of bullying don’t stop and think about these things. Therefore, they make extra efforts to explain themselves more clearly. Moreover, they cling to the hope that the bullies will go away and leave them alone.

If you suffer bullying, you must realize that your bullies may give you small reprieves from their harassment. Moreover, they may even act friendly toward you.

However, be warned! This is only a game they play to keep you confused and on the back foot! Put another way, bullies give you those breaks and occasional nicey-nice acts to get your hopes up and make you forget about the past.

Then, all of a sudden, they blindside you with another brutal attack. Therefore, understand that this is a mind-game they play.

This is equal to love-bombing by a person with narcissistic personality disorder. They build you up so that they can tear you back down again.

The effects of bullying: The Push and Pull Technique

Understand that the bullies are using the age-old push and pull technique to keep you trying to make friends out of them.  As a result, it only keeps you trapped inside the bully/victim dynamic.

They will also recruit others to side with them. Again, they do all this to keep you confused.  But know that this is how bullies maintain power over you.

In other words, if your bullies can keep your hopes up, it’s likely that you’ll feel compelled to keep jumping through hoops to prove yourself worthy.

The reprieves have the same purpose.

Here’s how it goes: Bullies stop bullying you for a while, and once you let your guard down and begin feeling safe and confident again, BAM! They attack! Therefore, realize that bullies, like all abusers, do this deliberately!

 Over time, bullying can cause these 20 effects on you:

1. Hyper-vigilance

You’re always on guard. You no longer trust yourself to act on your own volition and spontaneity or make your own decisions.

In other words, you’re constantly self-monitoring. You carefully construct your every move so that you don’t look weird, st*pid, or off-putting to others.

Spontaneity is gone. For instance, if something is funny, most people laugh without having to think about it. That’s spontaneity. When you can even laugh at something funny because you’re too afraid of what others will think, that’s a bad sign.

Also, you don’t make your own decisions and act on your own volition because you’re afraid others will criticize you for it.

2. The Effects of Bullying:

Increasing self-doubt

Bullying fills you with uncertainty of how you come across to others. Moreover, you feel you must be extra careful not to be or sound too sensitive or like you’re whining when you report the abuse.

You doubt your abilities and your worth. Moreover you allow your bullies to gaslight you into believing that you somehow cause their abuse when you really do not.

3. You think that something is wrong with you.

Bullies often convince you that something is wrong with you. In fact, they may even try to make you believe that everything is wrong with you. However, you must realize that this is what they want you to think. Why? Because bullies are afraid that if you ever notice that they’re the ones with the issues, you just might grow a spine and tell them to piss off!

4. You second-guess yourself.

This is a close brother to self-doubt. You constantly wonder. “Did I make the right choice?” “Am I being too sensitive?” “Do I measure up to everyone else?”

Understand that this is no way to live. Therefore, it’s imperative that you stop caring what people think and just do what makes you feel good. Free yourself from the chains of other people’s approval and you experience total freedom.

5. The Effects of Bullying:

You Constantly replay and review bullying incidents to figure out what went wrong.

In other words, you ruminate. You mind plays the scenario over and over like a broken record. However, this often leaves you feeling worse.

So, stop this now! Realize that nothing went wrong but your bullies’ deplorable behavior. You must realize that you can’t control others behavior.

Each person decides how they’re going to act toward you. And once you realize that people choose how to treat you, you will no longer feel the need for any replays.

6. You lose your zest for life.

In other words, you lose your happiness and peace of mind. Also, you lose the excitement of things to come.

7. You lose your confidence.

Once you lose confidence in yourself, you’ll be to afraid to try new things for fear of failure. Moreover, you’ll give up on yourself.

As a result, you’ll live a mediocre life.

8. You have a constant inner critic.

In other words, you often engage in negative self-talk, even if it’s in your mind.

9. The Effects of Bullying:

You fear that you’re going bonkers.

Bullies have ways of making you feel like you’re going stark raving mad. This is due to the incessant gaslighting they dish out to keep you from noticing that it’s them who have the issues and not you.

10. You have a dreadful sense that time is passing and you’re missing out

When people bully you, they’ll block you from having friends and enjoying positive experiences that others get to enjoy. Therefore, bullying can give victims FOMO and the sense that they are, in fact, missing out on a lot of things in life.

11. You get a growing sense that you aren’t happy but you should be.

Bullying strips you of any happiness you might otherwise enjoy. Moreover, what bit of happiness you do manage to scrounge up for yourself is often an illusion.

For example, you might attach yourself to the wrong people and attract friends who are fake and only come around when they need something from you.

And you may think that they really care for you when they really don’t. That kind of happiness is a mirage and it’s fleeting.

12. The Effects of Bullying:

You believe you can’t do anything right.

Bullies have ways of making you believe that everything under the sun is wrong with you. Moreover, they make you think that you can’t do anything right.

Therefore, know that they have the issues, not you and that there are many things you can do right. See your bullies for who they are. And who they are, are your enemies who are out to destroy your confidence in your abilities.

13. You feel discombobulated and off-balance.

Bullying and peer abuse makes you feel off-balance. The bewilderment and confusion bullies cause you is the reason for it. Therefore, learn everything you can about bullying.

This means reading and learning about bullying from all angles! Moreover, it means learning about different types of bullies, their tactics, and the mindset behind those tactics.

I promise you that once you learn all about these things, you will feel so much better about yourself. Even better, you will be able to protect yourself more effectively.

14. You have a distrust in relationships.

Bullying can cause you to fear being harmed and suffering more bullying in the future. Therefore, you shut everyone out to be safe.

However, this is bad because, any time you withdraw from others, you cheat yourself out of wonderful opportunities to make friends. Moreover, you miss out on those who might prove to be true friends and wonderful assets to your life.

So, see total strangers as opportunities and give them a chance because, you just never know.

15. The Effects of Bullying:

You lose faith in humanity.

In other words, you adopt the belief that all people are inherently evil and enjoy seeing others suffer. Bullying can make you believe that other people just aren’t safe.

16. You have an overwhelming desire to escape and get away from the bullying environment.

When you’ve suffered severe and long-term bullying from the same toxic people in the same toxic place, all you want to do is to get away from the creeps! This goes especially if circumstances, such as finances, keep you stuck there.

Understand that this feeling is normal and that one day, a door will open and you’ll get the opportunity to pick up and leave. So, don’t give up hope.

17. You constantly live in the future.

In other words, you believe, “things will be better when I graduate.”  Or, you may think, “Life will get better when I turn eighteen.”

The running theme in your mind will be that life will get better when you get another job, move away, get married, have children, etc.

Child and teen victims of school bullying often wish for the future. Therefore, because of the bullying you suffer in school now, you long for the future.

You daydream about the day when you can finally graduate and get away from the creeps who make your existence at school a living hell.

However, know that this is normal for anyone in your situation and it isn’t your fault.

The Effects of Bullying:

In Conclusion

If bullies are making your life a nightmare and you have any of the above symptoms, leave the toxic place, if you can. Why? Because, any time you’re so hurt and perplexed that you cannot tell which end is up, you’re living in hell, and it’s no way to live.

You deserve peace, happiness, and confidence. Go where you can flourish, and your spirit can get the nourishment it desperately needs.

This post is all about the effects of bullying so that you can recognize the symptoms and take steps to get your life back on track.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

2. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

3. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

4. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden

Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me? Here are 5 Reasons to Beware!

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If you’ve a victim of bullying, you’ve probably had situations where you’ve asked yourself, “why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden?” Moreover, the pleasantries seemed to come out of the blue.

Here are all the possible reasons they do this and why you should be very cautious.

why is my bully being nice to me

Anytime your bullies suddenly act nice to you, it leaves you confused and bewildered. Or worse, it may have filled you with new hope. However, don’t get too comfortable.

In this post, you will learn all the answers to your question, “why is my bully being nice to me?”

Once you learn all these answers, you will be able to see through their niceties and take steps to protect yourself against any dirty tricks.

This post gives you all the answers to the question, “why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can guard yourself accordingly and avoid any traps your bullies may set for you.

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

 If nothing else, know this! You should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being nice to you. Why? Because bullies will always pull this number when they need you to let down your defenses.

Therefore, they pour on the sweetness and try to butter you up.

Again, I can’t stress this enough! If you ever see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, beware! Because it’s probably an act!

So, What are the signs of fake kindness?

Before we get into the reasons bullies play nice with you, lets first discuss the signs that their pleasantries are fake.

1. A sudden change of heart

Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Moreover, trust needs a considerable amount of time to build.

Therefore, just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who is usually brutal toward you just ups and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!

2. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to ME?”

Flattery/Sweet-Talk

Bullies have a higher understanding of human nature than most. In other words, they instinctively know that after they’ve bullied their victim over a certain amount of time, that person is more likely to be hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness.

Put another way, bullies can sense that the victim is vulnerable. And they will take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because your bullies will overdo the pleasantries. They’ll use excessive flattery. And, man! Do they lay it on thick!

Therefore, if they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

3. A fake smile

As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.

4. Micro-flashes

If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces. Moreover, you’ll notice them when your bullies think you aren’t looking or paying attention.

Therefore, don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

5. “Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away

Moreover, they’ll look at you until you turn your back, then they’ll give each other knowing glances. Or, they may look at each other and give a wink, a nod, or both.

These are a dead giveaway! Therefore, give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests.

Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous?

You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Listen to your gut!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. Therefore, if something doesn’t feel right, that’s usually your first clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.

“Why is my Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Here’s a scenario:

So, it appears that your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re an equal.

They’re smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them.

However, you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet, too sweet! You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

Moreover, you notice a slight fake in the tones of their voices. Instead of making you feel good about yourself, they make you feel gross. But you don’t mention it to them. You only stay polite yet neutral.

In fact, the bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and shindigs. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you.

There it is again! That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach!

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

“Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

1. They’re nosy.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other.

Moreover, they will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal details about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease. Why? Because they’re hoping that you’ll get comfortable enough to share a few of yours.

Again. Don’t fall for it!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!

“Why is My bully being nice to me?”

Here are your answers:

1. They want something from you.

You can bet they do! Why else would bullies be nice to you all of a sudden when they hated your guts the day before? They may want money or something material. Moreover, they may want you to do something for them.

Whatever it is, don’t give it to them. Know that they aren’t being authentic and you should be on your guard. Why?

Because once you give them what they want, they’ll go right back to being the assholes they were before. Even worse, you’ll end up feeling like an idiot for falling for their bullshit!

2. They’re trying to set you up for trouble.

Your bullies could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.

Therefore, before they set the trap, they must find ways to bring down your defenses and gain your trust.

Again, don’t fall for it. Put some distance between yourself and your bullies because you can bet they’re playing you for a sucker!

3. They’re planning to pump personal information out of you to use against you later.

And when they do, your bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

4. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

They mean to keep you confused.

Sometimes, bullies play the hot and cold game to bewilder you and keep you on the back foot. Therefore, after they’ve pull this crap on you a few times, see it for what it is. A mind game!

Then disengage and have nothing more to do with them!

5. They fear getting into trouble.

Often, bullies may act nice to you to keep their butts out of trouble. However, once the threat is over, they’ll go back to being the same creeps they were. Therefore, don’t fall for the act.

Tell them to get away from you and stay away!

In Conclusion:

Let’s do a quick summary.

  • When people who treated you like garbage suddenly decide that you’re the best thing since sliced bread? Look out!
  • When bullies put on the nice act, they’ll gush over you and pour on the compliments. They’ll tell you how wonderful you are and that they got you all wrong and misjudged you.
  • Also, they’ll show you excessive attention and laugh at your jokes with their counterfeit laughs.
  • Your internal alarm will go off in the pit of your gut because something will feel “off” about these little encounters.
  • Your bullies will be so sappy with their niceties.
  • They’ll stand a little too close, and gush over your small wins and accomplishments.
  • They will seem to latch on to you like a tick to a dog.
  • You’re first thought may be, “Ewww,” “Yuck,” or any other utterance of total disgust.
  • Their sweetness will be downright sickening.

My advice is to get away from these people. Fast! Because they’re up to something. You might not know what that “something” is.

However, for your safety, ditch these fools and have nothing to do with them. If something feels wrong, listen closely. Your instinct never lies.

this post answer the question, “Why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can keep your guard up and see through the nice act.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies

2. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

4. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

what constitutes bullying and harassment

What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

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‘Want to know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Here are several examples of what it is and what it isn’t.

what constitutes bullying

It’s important to know how to distinguish bullying from incivility, differences of opinion, or healthy arguments and debates. Why? So that you can better point it out when you see it and without any confusion.

As someone who was a victim of bullying in the past and has researched it for almost thirty years, I’m giving you several examples of what is and isn’t bullying.

You will learn exactly what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t.

Once you learn these differences, you will be able to pinpoint a bullying situation more accurately and with less difficulty than before.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can know if people are, in fact, bullying you or if you’re witnessing someone else being bullied.

What Constitutes Bullying

People use the term “bullying” so widely today. In fact, many misuse and abuse it. People throw the word around loosely, sticking it’s label to situations that do not fit its use.

In other words, many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they don’t like. Moreover, people also mistakenly call anyone who disagrees with them “a bully.”

As a result, this has caused so much confusion as to what is bullying and what is only rudeness, argument, debate, being a jerk or voicing an individual opinion.

Therefore, I feel an obligation to point out the definition of bullying and to clarify what truly is and is NOT bullying.

The Definition of bullying:

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

In other words, bullying is unwanted aggression that is repeated, over a long period of time, against the same individual target or targeted group because of an imbalance of power.

What constitutes bullying: Bullying has 5 Characteristics.

1. Power imbalance.

Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power, with the bully usually having more power than their victim. For example, bigger bullies in school ride roughshod over victims much smaller. The power these bullies have over their victims is size and physical strength.

Another example would be the tyrannical manager at the office or a brutal county sheriff. The power the manager holds over his victim subordinates is his position in the company.

Moreover, his power is the fact that he holds their ability to feed themselves and their families in the palm of his hand. Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.

It’s the same with the bad sheriff. His position in the county government is his power and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.

So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim innocence? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.

Therefore, bullying always involves a power imbalance. Also, the bully is ALWAYS the one with the most power.

2. Repetition.

The bullying aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods of time (anywhere from several weeks to several years). And because bullying goes on over time, it also escalates if it goes unchecked.

3. What Constitutes Bullying:

Seeks to do harm.

Bullying seeks to deliberately hurt it’s victims. It not only harms them physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.

4. It targets the same victim.

Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment either by relocation, transfer, or death.

5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).

Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the bullying environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.

Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period.

What constitutes bullying and what doesn’t

 

Bullying is often confused with:

1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates

Disagreements aren’t bullying because everyone disagrees- couples, siblings, parents may disagree with children and do, quiet often.

In other words, someone who doesn’t agree with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds and belief systems.

Though it doesn’t always feel good when someone disagrees with us, it still isn’t bullying.

However, it would become bullying is if you begin repeatedly singling out the person who disagreed with you and launched a two-month-long string of ad homonym attacks. Then you would be the bully for doing that.

Therefore, we must learn to accept each other’s differences.

2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.

This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies.

For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them if what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

However, if the person continued this behavior for a length of time and smeared the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against her, then yes! It is bullying.

3. What constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Misunderstandings

Here’s another example. If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely.

Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now,  what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

Then, the answer is yes! He would be a bully. Because he would be using his size and height to intimidate you and he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you but no one else.

4. Stubbornness

For example, if I warned my next door neighbor that one of the tires on his car is low and he waved me away like shooing a fly. He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.

5. what Constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Incivility and jerky behavior

For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road, I slam on my breaks and blare my horn at him and he flips me off.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t make him a bully. Does it, however, make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.

Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying Even if the argument is heated.

Only when one of the arguers resort to repeatedly (notice I said, repeatedly) calling their opponent names and shaming them because they don’t agree nor share their beliefs, and the harassment goes on for a long time, against the same opponent! That, my friends, is bullying!

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we MUST get clear on exactly what it is that constitutes bullying! Only then will we be able to apply it to those who are truly deserving of the label.

In Conclusion

Bullying has become a blanket term for many people to describe anyone who says, does, or believes anything they don’t find comfortable. This is wrong and must stop because not only will the terms bully and bullying lose their meanings, but bullies will only continue to fade into the crowd while innocent people end up with a label they don’t deserve stuck to them.

Moreover, the words bullying and bully are beginning to lose their meaning because people abuse and misuse the term today now more than ever.

Understand that people say things without thinking. Some say foolish stuff and others are quite distasteful with their words and actions. However, this doesn’t necessarily make them bullies. Jerks, yes. But not bullies. Bullying is abuse. Being a jerk, on the other hand, is just being foolish and not thinking.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can better distinguish between bullying and AssHolery, stubbornness or debating.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

enemies are better than frenemies reddit

Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

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‘Want to know why enemies are better than frenemies? Here are the reasons that a fake friend is worse than an enemy.

enemies are better than frenemies

With clear-cut enemies, you know exactly where you stand. Therefore, you know to avoid them. Not so with frenemies. These people can put on a perfect act and fool you into thinking that they’re for you when they really aren’t.

In this post, you will learn why enemies are better than frenemies. Also, you will learn the signs of a frenemy so that you can spot them and protect yourself against them.

Once you learn all this pertinent information, you will be able to spot fake friends and avoid them before they have a chance to do real damage.

This post is all about frenemies so that you can spot them and protect yourself from being harmed by them.

Enemies are better than frenemies

Every single one of us has had that one “friend” or that handful of “friends,” if that’s what you prefer to call them. They seem to really like you and want to be around you all the time.

Moreover, they cozy up to you very quickly (too quickly) because you seemingly mesmerize them. They bombard you with attention and lay the flattery on super-thick.

They’ll butter you up with compliments, smile at you, and pat you on the back. These people make you feel so good about yourself.

In short, they’ll attach themselves to you like a barnacle, wanting so badly to be a part of your life.

Therefore, if you’re being bullied and are feeling insecure, this can be such a welcome change!

You’re bullied, lonely, rejected, and this seems to be just the thing you’ve been waiting for. It gives you that much-needed shot of dopamine you’ve been craving for so long!

You begin to feel great about yourself and think that maybe, the bullying might be coming to an end. However, you notice subtle signs in these so-called friends that don’t feel so good.

Occasionally, you may notice those split-second flashes of disdain on their faces. You may see out of the corner of your eye, a sneer here, an evil, piercing glance there.

Although your gut begins to sound off, telling you that something is off, you only think.

“Oh, well, maybe they’re having a rough day.”
“Maybe someone made them angry before they came to visit.”
“Maybe they’re just in a bad mood.”

Enemies are better than frenemies:

1. you’ll only choose people who don’t deserve to be in your life.

Wanting to believe the very best of the person(s), you mentally explain away the signs that tell you that something just isn’t right. Then, when it happens again, you begin to ask yourself,

“Was it something I said or something I did accidentally to offend this person?”

Next, your new buddy or buddies seem cold toward you. They begin to alternate hot and cold. As a result, they leave you bewildered as to the causation.

All the while your sixth sense is telling you to put some distance yourself and these people and to do it fast! However, you don’t because this person is supposed to be a friend.

You love them and don’t want to seem like a heel or that you don’t appreciate their friendship. Also, the bullies have suddenly disappeared, and you want to keep it that way.

You dread the possibility of going back to square one. Eating your lunch alone and walking alone in the halls are unthinkable. Moreover, having bullies target you again, is definitely something you dread going back to.

Therefore, you continue to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Why? Because, deep down, you don’t think that you can find better people to be pals with.

You’ve been bullied and shamed for so long. Moreover, you have actually forgotten what a true friend is and what it’s like to have one.

When you finally work up the nerve to ask them about their behavior, they either lie about it, downplay it. They may tell you that you’re imagining things or being too sensitive.

Enemies are better than frenemies:

2. You’ll only make yourself a bigger target by tolerating disrespect.

However, as time goes by, those tiny micro-expressions become more noticeable.  Also, the split-second glares, and subtle, back-handed compliments and coldness become more frequent!

Now, your Spidey-senses are screaming! These people are now giving you the silent treatment, and you don’t know why.

Suddenly, BAM! It happens! They lash out at you for reasons that are so trivial, or worse, reasons which seem to be made up! Moreover, you know you should tell them to take a hike, but you only blame yourself.

You may even give misplaced apologies. As a result, you look even more pathetic to bystanders and witnesses! Even worse, now, you look like an even bigger target to bullies!

Remember. The gradual but growing hot/cold, waxing and waning in their behavior only snowballs. Moreover, it does so until it turn into a terrible lashing of venom that leaves you both shocked and hurt.

3. fake friends will use the push/Pull method to keep you coming back for more.

Understand that we call this hot/cold, nice/nasty cycle “The Push/Pull Method.”

This push and pull technique is exactly how it sounds. The frenemy pulls you in, pushes you away, then pulls you in again.

This back and forth cycle is specifically designed to hook you into the friendship and throw you off your game! Therefore, you must realize that the person was more than likely never your friend!

4. Enemies are Better Than Frenemies:

They will make you the object of their jealousy.

You may ask yourself why? Moreover, you’ll wonder:

“If this person was never my friend and never liked me to begin with, why then did they exert such much effort to get close to me?”

“Why did this person latch on to me in the first place?”

The reason is that your frenemies were intensely jealous of you. They may have coveted something you possessed and wanted a way to punish you for having it.

Moreover, they may have coveted your confidence and wanted to bring you down a few notches. They were itching to put you in your place… to cut you down to size!

Therefore, rather than a direct, frontal assault, they preferred to out-flank you by carefully cozying up to you. Why? To trick you into dropping your defenses and handing over your trust!

5. they’ll hang around you only to get an ego-boost.

Another reason could be that the frenemy somehow gets an ego-boost from being “friends” with you and the thought of being seen with you!

Understand that this closeness is a way to hook you into the friendship. Why? So that they can gather intimate, personal details about your life and personality.

Then, they can suss out any weaknesses or less-than-desirable qualities you have. Fake-friends are like police detectives who attempt to build a case against you.

And once they gather the intel they need, they exploit this information. Moreover, they’ll use it as a weapon to harm you. They may use it to ruin your reputation and sabotage your personal relationships and associations.

Consequently, when you finally put your foot down and end the friendship, they’ll paint you as the mean, mentally-unbalanced person.  Therefore, they’ll trumpet any dirt collected on you to anyone who will listen to them.

I want you to understand that this is how frenemies operate. People such as these are very sneaky, meticulous, and worst of all, patient!

In Conclusion:

Let’s do a recap of the points we’ve just discussed.

It is much better to have full-blown enemies than frenemies because, with an enemy, you always know where you stand.

 Therefore, you can more easily avoid contact. On the other hand, frenemies (or fake friends) have ways of reeling you in and keeping you dependent on their approval and acceptance.

Moreover, if you are a victim of bullying, the relationship is much harder to get out of because you’ll fear going back to being friendless.

But wouldn’t you rather be to yourself than to keep company with people who only wish to bring you down? I know I would!

Remember that a smiling face does not a friend make. Not everyone who pats you on the back has your best interests at heart.

There are red flags you can look for.

Red Flag 1.

Excessive speed in friendship progression. Therefore, any time someone is so quick to call you a friend, be alert!

Red Flag 2.

Alternating hot and cold (flip-flopping). When someone runs hot and cold toward you, it’s a bad sign.

Red Flag 3.

Micro-flashes of contempt and hostility in their body language.

In these scenarios, the best you can do is to step back and maintain plenty of distance between you and the person in question. Only then is it possible to observe them and figure out their true motivations and intentions!

Do what you must to protect yourself.

This post was all about why enemies are better than frenemies and what you can do to protect yourself from people who pose as friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

5. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

bullying on social media articles

Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

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‘Want to know exactly why people participate in bullying on social media? Here are the 5 most common motives.

bullying on social media

Bullying on social media can be more humiliating and more devastating victims than face-to-face bullying. Why? Because the cruel taunts and attacks can be ready by a much wider audience. Moreover, vicious lies and ugly rumors have a much farther reach than in the days before the internet.

In this post, you will learn the most common reasons people use social media to bully. In other words, you’ll learn the goals of this type of bullying.

Once you learn all about these objectives, you will be better able to call it out. Also, you’ll have the ability to explain it to police, attorneys, the court, and therapists in a clearer, more intelligible manner without the risk of rambling and having to pause mid-sentence to search for the words to describe what you’re enduring.

This post is all about social media bullying, why people do it, and what they hope to rain so that you can have a better understanding of it all and quickly call it out.

Bullying on Social Media

This type of cyber-bullying is difficult for anyone. However, it’s especially damaging for children and teenagers, whose brains are still developing.

Sadly, many in this age group rely on likes, positive comments, praises, and high friend/follower counts to maintain their self-esteem. It shouldn’t be this way. No one should rely on social media to feel validated.

We live in the age of electronic baby sitters and internet addiction. Moreover, we have a generation of children and young adults who rely more on online communication than on face-to-face interactions.

This, in and of itself is a huge problem. However, it’s the reality of the times we live in.

Also, if you’re an adult who owns a business, especially a small business, this type of bullying can decimate your entire livelihood.

Therefor, the main reason people bully you on social media is to destroy your online and real-life reputation. This is the main goal of all cyber-bullies.

Effects of Bullying on Social Media

Marriage and Family:

Many people will use social media to destroy your marriage and cause discord in your family.

Causes many divorces and rifts in families. Cyber-bullies have been known to spread lies of infidelity to destroy their target’s marriage and cause problems in their families. Moreover, online harassers have also stalked their victims’ children and other family members.

People are sick these days. Therefore, you must gather evidence of it and report it to the police. Although there’s only so much the law can do, by reporting it, at least you’ll establish a paper trail.

Job and Career:

Many use social media bullying to destroy your job and career.

Can cause termination of employment from current job. Moreover, it can bring about loss of opportunities for future employment.

Cyber-bullies love to call their targets’ places of employment and get them terminated. Also, they love to blackball them to keep them from obtaining future employment.

You should never take this type of bullying lightly. Do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. Now’s not the time to be lazy.

Bullying on social media can destroy your finances:

This kind of bullying causes loss of income due to firing and lack of future employment opportunities. Therefore, it can also cause victims to lose their homes, vehicles, entire life savings, etc.

Therefore, if you have evidence of this kind of cyber-bullying and can ID the troll, talk to an attorney. You might be able to sue for damages.

Business:

Loss of customers and therefore, revenue. Cyber-trolls love to destroy businesses. Therefore, realize that it’s about power.

Again, if you have evidence and identification of the cyber-bully. Consult a lawyer and take it to court.

Health:

The stress from bullying on social media can cause not only mental health issues, but also physical ailments as well. Victims can also become disabled and unable to work because of the distress brought about by this type of online bullying.

Examples:

Examples of social media bullying include:

1. Spreading ugly rumors and lies about someone.

Cyber-bullies do this in hopes of defaming you and turning your friends and followers against you. Moreover, if you own a small company, they’ll do it to put a dent in profits and destroy your business and livelihood.

This type of bullying has caused many innocent people to lose their hard-earned reputations and, therefore, their businesses.

Additionally, cyber-bullies have ruined victim’s marriages by spreading lies and accusations of infidelity. In that, they caused division in families.

In short, many innocent targets have had their entire lives ruined due to cyber-bullies. Many more have died by suicide or have been murdered because of the vicious lies and cruelty of online trolls.

2. Bullying on Social Media:

Posting porn or compromising photos of someone

Online bullies do this to embarrass and humiliate their victims. Moreover, they also do it to make them look bad and sully their good name.

For example, classmates may sneak into the gym shower room and secretly take nude pictures of a targeted girl while she’s in the shower. They do this without her knowledge.

Later, they’ll post the pictures online for all to see.

Consequently, not only does this humiliate her, but it puts her in danger of being stalked and possibly raped by predators in the area.

Here’s another example: You have a lover who talks you into sending them nude pics of you and, without thinking, you comply. After all, you’re only thinking it would enhance your relationship. Right?

However, what happens a few months later, when the relationship ends and you part on bad terms? Remember, your ex still has all those nudie pics and beaver shots you sent six months ago. Moreover, your now ex-lover posts them online to get back at you for breaking it off with them.

Therefore, never EVER send a romantic partner nude pics of yourself. It doesn’t matter how much they beg and say they love you and would never this or that. Don’t do it! It just isn’t worth the risk!

3. Impersonating someone ad sending cruel messages to others in that person’s name.

Cyber-bullies do this to cause trouble in all your online relationships. In fact, this is a form of relational or social aggression because it’s specifically designed to destroy your relationships and to isolate you.

Therefore, if you endure bullying on social media, keep an eye out for any duplicate accounts with your name and claiming to be you. If you find some, send a disclaimer to all your friends/followers, warning them of the duplicates and to not accept friend/follow requests from them.

Moreover, taking screenshots is super important! So, gather your own evidence!

4. Bullying on Social Media:

Sending Cruel, threatening, or abusive messages/images through private message platforms, text, email, etc.

This tactic is designed to intimidate you and instill fear. Moreover, these bullies choose messaging platforms for secrecy and to keep others from seeing what lowlifes they truly are.

Therefore, take screenshots! Always, take screenshots when a cyber-bully attacks you via messaging. Then out them with it. It’s what I did when it happened to me and it worked. They left me alone.

5. Doxxing.

Doxxing is the most dangerous kind of cyber-bullying there is. What is it? You may ask.

When a cyber-bully doxxes you, they collect personal information on you and plaster it all over the internet. Moreover, the information they gather is your home address, phone number, email, and the names and addresses of your family members, friends, and associates.

Doxxers can even get your SS number and banking information to steal your identity.

Also, they also find the name, address and phone number of your employer and any organization you’re affiliated with.

This is especially dangerous because it puts you at risk of being home invaded, robbed, murdered. Someone could even target one of your family members just to get to you.

It just causes so many risks that wouldn’t be if your information hadn’t fallen into the wrong hands.

Therefore, people dox you to get your personal information and exploit it to cause you fear. Moreover, they may do it to place you and your family in harm’s way.

It’s best to contact police in situations like these. It may or may not work. However, you’ll have a report of it on file, which is a good step!

Bullying On Social Media:

In conclusion

One thing that bullying online has over face-to-face bullying is that you can gather evidence of it easily. Anything done online automatically leaves a digital footprint.

Also, you can take screenshots and print hard copies of any incendiary messages and comments to take to court.

Face-to-face bullying can’t be proven unless you keep documentation of it in a journal, wear a hidden body camera, or hide an audio-recording device in your purse, briefcase, or book bag.

However, this can be illegal depending on the laws of the state you live in. Therefore, before using any recording device whether body cam or audio, be sure to get abreast of the law. The last thing you want is for your bullies to sue you for invasion of privacy.

If you keep documentation of the bullying incidents, make sure you use the 5W method when doing so.

This post is all about bullying on social media and the reasons why people do it so that you can better pinpoint, report, and explain it when it happens to you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Cyberbullying Tactics: 9 Common Tricks of Cyber-Bullies and Trolls

2. Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

3. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

4. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

5. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

bullying and narcissism at work

Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies

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‘Want to know about bullying and narcissism and how they connect? Here are several ways they’re related and how you can use it to protect yourself.

bullying and narcissism

Bullies with narcissism truly believe they’re better than anyone else. They believe the world revolves around them.

Also, they think others should bow down to them like they’re royalty. Bullies with NPD have grandiose opinions of themselves. Also, they have distorted views on how others are supposed to treat them, and how the world is supposed to work.

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably deal with many bullies like these.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and narcissism. Also, you will learn how they connect. Thirdly, you’ll learn the powers they have.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will know what to expect from a good majority of your bullies. In that you’ll also have knowledge of how to handle them.

This post is all about bullying and narcissism, how they connect, and the powers they possess so that you’ll know what to expect.

Bullying and Narcissism

Narcopathic bullies will take advantage of you and exploit your weaknesses for their benefit. They have no empathy and have no care how they harm you. They pass unfair judgements on you and anyone else they deem inferior.

However, people with narcissism have very fragile egos, and they feel threatened by anyone who outshines them. They put up mental walls to keep threatening messages and info from penetrating their sense of self-importance.

 Moreover, those walls are supported by the insults they hurl at you.

Narcissism as a protective barrier

Bullies with Narcissistic Personality disorder can’t handle social rejection and they react fiercely to people they feel threatened by. For example, less than perfect evaluations shatter their grandiose self-image and send them into a fury.

Therefore, they protect and re-enforce their enormous but fragile egos by criticizing any negative evaluations and feedback. Many narco-bullies also use grandiosity as a cover-up for their feelings of vulnerability, inadequacy, and incompetence.

They’re deathly afraid that their shortcomings will be exposed. So, they hurl disparaging remarks and ugly names at others to distract others from their own flaws.

That’s why they need targets. They must have people like you to blame for their problems. They are really pathetic when you stop and think about it.

Bullying and Narcissism:

Seeing through the mask of perfection

It’s easy to see why these types of people are so hateful and hurtful. They need to hurt people to feel better about themselves.

Most people, especially confident people, don’t feel the need to constantly fire off zingers to intentionally hurt other people. Therefore, they don’t have to have a victim because they have a healthy sense of self.

No. People who are truly confident like to get along with everyone and enjoy seeing others happy. They have a love for other people and empathy for those who are hurting.

On the other hand, people who are infected with narcissism degrade others. Again, they need victims to collect psychological trophies from.

Healthy and confident people have a more favorable view of everyone, including people who are targets of bullying. Confident people who love themselves do not need to put others down.

But someone with NPD feels that the only way they can love themselves is to put others down. And those others include those who aren’t necessarily a threat to their grandiose views of themselves.

Narcissists feel their value comes from having power, riches, good looks, and popularity. Whereas, confident people get their value from having healthy relationships with the people who mean the most to them.

Moreover, they also place value on having positive experiences.

Therefore, these are the differences between narco-bullies and people who are truly confident.

Bullying and Narcissism:

Narco-Bullies Who Are Physically Violent

It comes down to the bully’s views of him/herself and others. Although, most narcopaths prefer subtle and indirect bullying, there are a few who use physical violence to get what they want.

The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts. Therefore, they go to the only problem-solving technique they’re most comfortable and familiar with- physical force.

Physical violence is the only way they feel they can punish their victims and, therefore, restore their self-esteem.

These types tend to crave instant and immediate gratification. Physical violence gives them that- an immediate rush of power and dominion. In other words, it gives them a thrill, a sense of control and that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. Therefore, when you stick up for yourself against them. They’re ready to kick your butt.

Moreover, all you have to do is say something, anything back to the bullies in defense and they’ll be ready to throw fists. Why? Because it shatters their grandiose image of themselves as tough guys who are always at the top.

It makes them feel weak and foolish. Then, they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Bullying and Narcissism:

In using physical aggression, these narcopaths feel they can restore their image.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving and feel superior to anyone else.  Moreover, they think they have innate entitlements that supersede even the most basic human rights of their victims.

In other words, these bullies believe they’re entitled to harm you and do it freely. And they feel that you’re just supposed to “shut up and take it.”

In fact, in their mixed-up minds, you’re to just take the abuse without so much as a question.

And when you oppose and protest the abuse, these narcopaths will take it as an insult. Therefore, they’ll use forceful and violent measures to take you down.

These people derive feelings of pleasure when beating on you. Moreover, they feel no shame unless the wrong people find them out.

In most cases, they are open with their violence and don’t fear retaliation nor accountability. Why? Because they know that they have most people fooled. Or, maybe others are too scared to address the behavior and confront them.

As mentioned earlier, physical bullies with narcissism have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others.

Bullying and narcissism:

Physical bullies with nPD have a low threshold for frustration.

They feel their entitlement is supreme to your basic rights. Therefore, they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety.

These bullies have a low threshold for frustration and will make you pay dearly for causing it. And where most people would feel guilt and shame over hurting someone, these bullies only feel powerful and victorious.

Sadly, there’s not much you can do to help these types of people. Most people with narcissism are resistant to any help or change.

Moreover, people who are physically violent and have narcissism usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

Unless you’re a black belt, there’s also not much you can do to protect yourself from these people. Why? Because the more you defend yourself, the more they’ll come back until they wear you down, maim you, or worse, kill you.

Therefore, if you are a target of these types, the only way you can ensure your safety is to go no contact. And, if that doesn’t work, you’d best either relocate, transfer schools, or find another job.

So, what are the 7 secret powers of narcopathic bullies?

1. They’re Skilled at Baiting you.

Bullies with narcissism are skilled at baiting you into an altercation. They may do it by saying something to trigger you or hauling off and hitting you first to get you to hit them back.

Why do they do this? So that they can play the victim and make you look like the instigator. And, trust me! They’re good at it. So, beware!

2. Bullying and Narcissism:

They’re Masters at Playing the Victim.

Again, they’ll provoke you when no one is looking, then play the victim when you respond in kind. Therefore, you must learn how they operate and be willing to call them out calming and confidently. The last thing you want to do is over-react by screaming and yelling.

That will only make it easier for them to paint you as mentally imbalanced or bully and make you take the blame for their behavior.

3. They Prefer indirect bullying.

The reasons bullies with narcissism prefer indirect bullying is because it’s much harder to detect. Therefore, the best thing to do is to never over-react. Also, never go into dramatics. You must handle these types of people calmly and coolly. Why?

Because, the last thing you want is give a narco-bully any ammunition that they can use against you. So, handle this situation with care.

4. They’re highly skilled at projecting their faults onto you.

In other words, they’ll accuse you of doing the same disgusting shit that they themselves do. Therefore, keep sight of your goodness and see this for what it is. Projection! Just the knowledge of this technique will buffer your self-esteem immensely!

5. Bullying and Narcissism:

They’re experts at distraction.

“Don’t look over here! Look over there!” In other words, these people will take your mistakes and use them to distract others’ attention away from their own flaws.

Therefore, once you see this tactic in it’s true form, you’re mental health won’t take such a big hit and you’ll be able to call it out confidently.

6. They’re geniuses at gaslighting.

Bullies with NPD will gaslight you to make you doubt your own perception of what happened. Therefore, don’t fall for this. You know what happened and you know what they did. So find good comebacks to respond to their gaslighting. And shut them down.

7. They’re Masters at charm and persuasion.

People with narcissistic personality disorder know how to pour on the charm. However, realize that the charm and niceness they so masterfully display is a facade. Moreover, it’s designed to not only gain them supply, but also flying monkeys to use against people who threaten them.

Therefore, again, see this for what it is and what it’s designed to do and you’ll be more likely to overcoming their abuse.

This post was about bullying and narcissism so that you can prepare yourself by knowing what to expect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

3. A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You 

4. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

5. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

self-respect

How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

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‘Want to know how to have self-respect? Here are several powerful techniques you can use to treat yourself better and assert your rights as a human being

how to have self-respect

Bullies often force victims of bullying to do things that are beneath them by way of threats and inducing fear in them. Therefore, they force these targets to give up their self-respect just to survive. If you’re one of those victims, here’s how to have self-respect so that you can take back your dignity.

In this post, you will learn the most powerful techniques you can use to command dignity and respect from others. Moreover, you will have the courage to give respect only to others who’ve earned it from you.

After you learn these methods, you will respect yourself enough to stand up to your bullies and take back your personal power

How to have self-respect

Here’s something most people don’t realize.

You teach people how to treat you. And how do you teach them this? By how well you treat yourself- by what you will and will not put up with and by the boundaries you set.

Consequently, after people have bullied and abused you for so long, they can condition you to accept and allow bad behavior from others. Therefore, prolonged bullying is a form of brainwashing and hypnosis.

It slowly rewires your brain and forces you to “let” people walk over you.

However, know that it doesn’t have to be this way. You can retrain your brain and reclaim your dignity. In that, you can re-create the life you so deserve.

To put it plainly, you can either allow unsavory people into your life. Moreover, you can allow them to abuse and degrade you or you can put your foot down.

You can call them on their unacceptable behavior, and give them the old heave-ho. You decide.

I have to admit. When I was being bullied years ago, I unwittingly let my classmates tear me down. I gave them the power to determine how I felt about myself.

However, this power never belonged to them in the first place.

Therefore, this is what happens when you don’t gather the courage to stand up to bullies. If you do not assert your rights to safety and dignity, people will take advantage.

Moreover, if you let others’ hurtful words and physical assaults make you feel terrible about myself, you’re self-esteem will come crashing down.

How to have self-respect:

What happens to your self-esteem if you don’t stand up for yourself

Again, your self-esteem will fall like a meteor. Then other bad things begin to happen.

If you’re a kid in school, you’ll give up on schoolwork and your grades will plummet. Also, you’ll give up on you talents and stop doing what you enjoy.

In other words, you’ll allow your bullies to turn you against yourself.

I say this because it happened to me. I can’t even pretend it was all their fault. Why? Because I allowed them to steal my confidence- without knowing it or meaning to, of course.

Nevertheless, I let it happen. Therefore, part of the blame is on me.

But here’s the good news! Your bullies and abusers may bring you down, but they can’t keep you there if you don’t allow. You can eventually get wise to your value as a human being.

In other words, you can begin seeing your worth and treating yourself better by removing toxic people from your life. And if removing them isn’t possible, as with toxic coworkers or family members, you can still, to some degree, limit contact.

“I can’t even pretend it’s all their fault.”

I can’t stress enough the importance of loving yourself first and foremost. Love should come from within and you should never look to any outside source for it.

Love yourself and all of your imperfections, for we are all “perfectly flawed.” Therefore, by loving yourself, you also accept and respect yourself.

You don’t have to seek approval. If a person does not want to see your worth, you can’t make them. However, you do have the choice of whether or not to keep them in your life.

This may or may not change their behavior toward you, and the worst-case scenario might even make it worse. However, you aren’t looking to change anyone’s attitude, you’re looking to take care of yourself and take back your peace.

How to have self-respect: 7 Ways to Respect Yourself

1. Understand the ins and outs of respect.

This means understanding that respect has a purpose. It’s there to ensure that everyone can live together in safety, peace, and harmony. It isn’t self-serving. It’s meant for the good of society.

Respect of any kind isn’t an entitlement. In other words, it isn’t free. You must earn it by giving it to others in order to get it in return. Moreover, respect is something you must give to yourself to earn it also.

Everyone has a space to fill, even you. Respect is either mutual or it’s none at all and there’s no in-between. In short, it’s a two-way street.

Also realize that respect is something money can’t buy. It doesn’t matter how much money, power, and prestige you have. If you’re a piece of scum, you’re a piece of scum.

Moreover, your money is something you can never take with you when you go and the same goes for power and prestige. We all come into this world naked and so shall we leave it.

You don’t get respect by bullying and instilling fear in others. For example, gangs and mobsters demand respect. However, they never give any in return.

These kinds of people steal, kill, and destroy the lives of others. Yet, they have the nerve to demand respect, and from the very people they hurt.

Also, it isn’t something you must ask nor beg for. If you earn it, it should naturally come back to you.

On the other hand, if you must ask or beg for it, you’re around the wrong people and it’s time to walk away. Respect is something that you sometimes must fight for.

2. How to have self-respect: Understand what self-respect is and what it isn’t.

Self-respect is not haughty, pompous, nor arrogant.  True self-respect is respect for self while being aware of your strengths and weaknesses. It also means knowing and accepting your limitations.

In other words, it means embracing all aspects of yourself, good, bad, and ugly. Moreover, it’s treating yourself well and protecting yourself from emotional marauders.

3. Know your worth.

This means knowing what you deserve and what you will and will not tolerate. Never show respect to anyone who doesn’t return it.

In other words, you must respond in kind to anyone who disrespects you. Moreover, know that it’s not about changing anyone, it’s about looking out for yourself.  It’s about establishing boundaries.

 4. Set and enforce firm boundaries.

There are toxic people everywhere- users, abusers, and bullies. They will try to manipulate you, disrespect you, harass you, and violate your boundaries. Therefore, it’s imperative that you set boundaries and walk away from such people.

Moreover, setting boundaries means having the courage to say no when you must.

You must also enforce those boundaries when some creep sticks so much as one toe over them. This means imposing consequences on the violator.

Understand that this is how you treat yourself well. If you don’t, who will?

5. How to have self-respect: Be prepared to fight to keep your self-respect.

You, as much as anyone else, deserve your self-respect and dignity. Moreover, there will be times when you must fight to keep it. So, how do you fight for your self-respect?

You fight for it, simply, by refusing to allow people to disrespect you and get away with it. In other words, you do it by walking away from toxic friendships and abusive partners. You fight by standing up to bullies and cutting ties with those who disrupt your peace.

And you do it guilt-free, without warning, explanation, nor apology.

6. take care of your health.

This means taking care of your physical health by eating the right foods and getting plenty of exercise and nightly rest.

Moreover, you must nurture your mental and spiritual health by surrounding yourself with those who uplift you and doing what you love to do. Feed your brain by reading good personal development books and books that teach you things.

In short, never stop learning new things.

7. be kind but don’t be “nice!”

It never pays to be too nice. When people take your kindness for weakness, that’s the time to get tough. In other words, kindness is giving but not doing it at your own expense. Niceness is giving at your own expense. Moreover, there’s an ulterior motive to niceness.

On the other hand, there’s no self-servitude in kindness.

Nice people tend to kiss booty. They accept shabby treatment from those who don’t appreciate them and their niceness comes from an objective to score brownie points.

Whereas, kind people give from the heart and won’t tolerate abuse from others. A kind person won’t try to curry favor. They give because it’s the right thing to do.

Therefore, respect yourself by being kind. Nice is for suckers.

This post is all about how to have self-respect and treat yourself well so that you can gain back your confidence and your personal power.

Related post you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

forgiveness does not require reconnection meaning

Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

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If you’re wondering whether forgiving someone means that you must have them in your life, be assured that forgiveness does not require reconnection. So, do you want to know why? Here are the reasons that you can forgive someone without allowing them into your life.

forgiveness does not require reconnection

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you must continue to keep in contact with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that it’s okay to forgive and continue to keep the transgressor at arms length.

Once you learn that forgiveness does not require reconnection, there will no longer be any confusion on the requirements of forgiveness. Therefore, you will no longer feel guilty about not associating with the transgressor.

The purpose of this post is to re-assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection so that you can feel better about keeping your distance from someone you don’t trust.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection

However, forgiveness is still necessary for you to live a happy life after bullying.

The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. And only you can know when you’re ready.

Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay. Moreover, it does it mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you.

However, when you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection but It’s a must for empowerment.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness.

To forgive is not about letting anyone off the hook; it’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate, which can only hold you back.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you that for me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. There’s truly no better feeling!

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. Although, they may have exerted control over the years they bullied you, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

In other words, holding onto and carrying around anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you.

Why? Because the people you hate and hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

Therefore, while you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind?

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

Put another way, if you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection:

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that is so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness, such as a heart attack or stroke.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, there are people who won’t mind wiping their feet all over you but will be greatly offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know good and well they wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react, then tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

Go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. During constructive things like these will give you closure

 Forgiveness does not require reconnection.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy, forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too may people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them but there’s no law that says you have to trust them again. It’s better that you don’t trust them.

In other words, you don’t need to restore relationships with all those you’ve forgiven. Just because you’ve made peace with them doesn’t mean they have with you.

Some people you must forgive from afar.

This post is here to assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection in some situations and with some people.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

5. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

6. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence