Blaming the Victim: Reasons Bullies Make You-Statements.

November 11, 2025October 31, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know how bullies go about blaming the victim? Here are all the signs to look for.

Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you!

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to recognize blaming the victim so that you can adequately respond when your bullies try to blame you for their atrocious behavior.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will be a pro at recognizing victim-blaming when you see it.

This post is all about blaming the victim so that you can avoid taking blame for behavior that isn’t your fault.

Blaming the Victim

“You made me mad!” “You made me hit you!” The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling.

They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about you. Why? Because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation and blame.

Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.

“You lie all the time!”
“You always bitch and complain about everything!”
“You’re (clueless, ugly, mentally imbalanced, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”
“You can’t leave well enough alone!”
“You’re a chicken!”
“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”
“You’ll never amount to anything!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“You’re always trying to start something!”
“You always blow everything out of proportion!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
“You always have to screw everything up!”

And the list is endless.

Blaming the Victim:

Bullies will always point the finger at you. Expect it.

Know that these you-statements are designed to blame you for their shameless behavior. Also, bullies blame you to tear you down and keep you there.

Bullies make these you-statements to strip you of your rights to defend yourself. They do it to take away your personal power.

Therefore, you must counter those accusations and turn them back on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No, I’m not, YOU are!” or “No, I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.

The bully might argue back, but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away, leaving the bully standing there, running their mouth. In that, you make them look both desperate and foolish.

“You Made me” and “You Make Me” Statements

Survivors, when you were bullied, did your bully ever justify their horrific treatment? Did they make statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”?

I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to justify their behavior and intimidate you into staying silent.

“You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
“You make me hate you!”

These are all statements bullies use to gaslight you. They want to brainwash you into believing that their behavior is your fault.

They need you to believe that you somehow provoke them to act the way they do. That you made them lash out.

Blaming the Victim:

Personal Experience

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard these kinds of accusations from my classmates. And I must admit, it was very hurtful and intimidating.

However, I look back now and realize this was only my bullies’ way of shifting the blame onto me. Why?

Because they were so afraid that I would call them out on their terrible behavior. And they were scared that others would see them for the creeps they truly were. They also wanted to maintain the upper hand.

The keywords in these sentences are either “you,” “made,” or “make,” and they are very telling if you really stop and think about it.

There are many reasons bullies resort to blaming the victim.

Blaming the Victim:

Organized Physical Attacks.

Organized physical attacks may also be used in school to blame you for their abuse. What do I mean? Here it is.

They may stage fights with you and other people. This is designed to bait you. For instance, they may go to the others and tell them that you said something bad about them. And you probably didn’t. In fact, you probably don’t know the person.

Nevertheless, you have people you don’t know confronting you and threatening physical harm. And, sooner or later, one of them attacks you. Then, a week later, another person physically assaults you.

A month later, another person jumps you. And these attacks repeat themselves until people begin looking at you with suspicion. Why? Because the fights always seem to involve you.

Others can’t help but think, “Why would so many people want to junk Jackie is she isn’t provoking them somehow?”

But! If nothing else, understand this right now! That’s the idea! If you are in this kind of predicament, this is precisely what your bullies were counting on! It was the plan all along!

But why? What do your bullies hope to gain from this?

1. To Destroy your credibility

If they can get different individuals at different times to physically attack you, they can cast suspicion on you. Moreover, they can turn even your friends against you. If you’re the one who’s always fighting, you look like the violent one.

This happens regularly to targets in schools, workplaces, and communities. Many times, this is how bullies retaliate against victims who have the gall to stand up to them.

Bullies hate it when you begin refusing to take their abuse.

2. Blaming the Victim:

To protect one another

Bullies run in packs, and they usually single out only one person. There is strength in numbers. Therefore, they do it to protect one another from being labeled and getting a bad reputation. Also, they blame you to stay out of trouble.

Most who have been in school have at least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. However, too many fights, provoked or unprovoked, risk labeling victims as “troublemakers.”

3. to destroy your reputation with those in authority.

Destroying your name with the staff lessens any chances of anyone listening to you if you report the bullying. Bullies can’t risk you running and “snitching” on them.

Therefore, this protects them from discipline at school or work. Moreover, it allows them the freedom to do whatever they want to you whenever they feel like it.

So, they also use this tactic to silence you and make you afraid to report the bullying.

If you are a victim of bullying, expect those kinds of tactics. But understand that these are classic methods bullies use to shift the blame your way.

It also prevents them from losing power over you. If they can bully you freely, without the possibility of facing consequences, then you’re completely powerless.

4. Blaming the Victim:

To shift everyone’s focus from their actions to your reactions.

This is also a classic bully move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.

And they do this to make you ashamed of defending yourself. Moreover, they want you to doubt your own judgment.

Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth.

5. Trivializing Your pain.

“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?

Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain. Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!

Again, don’t let them gaslight you!

6. Blaming the Victim:

Suggesting that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. It’s just another way to say that you made them do it.

They’ll make statements, such as,

“You had it coming for a long time and you finally got it!”
“You asked for it.”
“You were cruisin’ for a bruisin’”

All you-statements. However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to justify their abuse.

Think about this. If they can make you look like you asked for it, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like innocent victims who were only reacting to something you did.

7. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.

This is usually done by witnesses and authority members who side with bullies. For example, you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

8. Blaming the Victim:

Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it.

And there’s always a way to bust the bullies who try to shift blame onto you this way:

Counter the bully’s “you made me ” statement and say this: “No! I didn’t make you do a damn thing! You did that all on your own!”

Say it point-blank and with conviction. If possible, say it in front of an audience. Call the bully out, and more than likely, you’ll protect your good name from being further tarnished.

This post was all about blaming the victim and the different tactics so that you will know what to expect and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

what does victim blaming look like reddit

What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

April 2, 2025April 2, 20252 Comments

What does victim blaming look like? ‘Want to know exactly how to recognize when you’re being blamed for the bullying you suffer. Here are all the signs you need to know about.

Victim blaming is ugly in that it re-victimizes victims, over and over again.

Therefore, in this post is all the answers to the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can know how to recognize it when you see it and how to defend yourself against victim blaming behavior it when a bully tries it with you.

Once you learn to see it when it happens, you will better be able to call it out when it happens to you or anyone else.

This post answers the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can see victim blaming for what it is and tackle it immediately.

What does victim blaming look like?

Many times, when you call out or report bullying, your bullies will blame you for their despicable behavior just to take the guilt off themselves.

So, what is the definition of victim blaming?

According to Welsh Women’s Aid, “Victim blaming is any response that explicitly states or implies that the victim is to blame for the abuse they have experienced.”

In cases of bullying, Targets Never Become Targets Overnight

Victim blaming doesn’t only happen to victims of bullying, it can also happen to victims of crimes, such as rape and domestic assault. Moreover, the blame can come from the perpetrators, other people, or even law enforcement, who is supposed to help victims.

The same happens to victims of bullying as well. Bullies are notorious for blaming their victims for their atrocious abuse. However, blame can also come from peers, teachers, coworkers, supervisors and managers.

This happens especially when the bullying of a certain individual first begins. Therefore, if you’re beginning to see subtle signs of bullying by others, be very careful. Why?

Because, any time bullies select a potential target, they start out subtle and sweet with their bullying. The reason bullies are subtle at first is because they’re testing the waters. In other words, they’re probing you to see how you respond and if you’re an easy target.

If you overlook their behavior, or response too emotionally, your bullies will slowly move on to more obvious verbal abuse. However, if you respond the right way by being assertive and telling them in no uncertain terms to stop the behavior, they will leave you alone. Keep in mind that this only works in the early stages of bullying.

And sadly, most people don’t stand up for themselves in the early stages. Therefore, again, bullies progress to more blatant verbal abuse.

Your bullies may try to blame you. However, continue to stand strong. Don’t back down and refuse to accept blame. Then, eventually, they’ll leave you alone.

What Does Victim Blaming Look Like?

1. Bullies Ridicule You and tell you to “Get Over It.”

Bullies will ridicule you for the way you feel about their abuse. Moreover, they taunt you if you have the guts to call them out on it. But see them for who they are.

“Get over it!”
“Let it go!”
“Forget about it!”

Whatever way they say it, it usually means the same.

Realize that bullies are self-entitled turds who think you should just let them ride roughshod over you. Also, they believe that you’re wrong for even trying to defend against the abuse.

Maybe they know they’re in the wrong but don’t want you to notice it.

How many of you have been told to do either of these? As if you could just wiggle your nose and everything is peachy king. When you’ve been abused, you cannot just let it go. Healing takes time.

The emotions you feel won’t just go away. Even if you paint a smile on your face and pretend that nothing’s wrong, these feelings will still be there.

They’ll only simmer under the surface. Moreover, the more you try to stuff them down and bury them, the more damage it will cause.

Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way that you do.

Understand that the emotions you’re feeling are there for a reason. They warn you that something isn’t right. Realize that the anger and hurt won’t disappear overnight.

Know that the people who give you that kind of response do so out of ignorance and entitlement. Moreover, they only re-abuse you when they demand that you “get over it.”

In order to heal and get your life back again, you must allow yourself to feel those raw emotions. No, it isn’t comfortable. No one wants to feel pain.

However, you must go through it to come out on the other side of it. And while you’re moving through the pain, practice self-care.

Give yourself some TLC. Have self-compassion. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to baby yourself.

Take a few days off. Lounge around the house in your pajamas if you want to. Eat your favorite treat or give yourself a good, sweaty workout.

Also, treat yourself to a spa-day, facial, new do, or a beach vacation. Your first priority is self-care, whatever that may be.

Last and most importantly, don’t shut up! Tell your bullies to take a long walk off a short pier.

Also, keep speaking out and standing in your truth. Self-care also means being your own advocate and if people don’t like it, too bad.

Put yourself first!

2. What does victim blaming look like?

Shifting focus from your bullies’ actions to your reactions.

This is a classic bully-move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.

Your bullies do this for three reasons.

To silence you.
To make you ashamed of defending yourself.
Also, to make you doubt your own judgement.
To discredit you.

Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth. Therefore, keep talking.

3. Questioning the victim’s reactions.

Many times, when you defend yourself against bullying, people will question your reaction. They may ask, “Why didn’t you walk away when the bully hit you? You didn’t have to sink to their level by hitting them back.

However, bullies don’t honor someone who walks away. People may tell you to be the bigger person and walk away from the bully. But how do you know that your bully won’t sucker punch you the moment you turn your back?

Realize that bullies only understand strength. Therefore, strength is what you respond with. Punch their lights out!

You have to let them know that if they lay hands on you, there will be consequences.

4. What does victim blaming look like?

Bringing attention to the victim’s flaws and weaknesses.

Your bullies may say that your weight or your big ears are the reason you get bullied. They may make remarks such as, “Maybe if you weren’t such an oinker, no one would mess with you.”

Be that as it may, no one has the right to bully you. Ever!

Therefore, don’t fall that bullshit. Continue to stand your ground!

5. Trivializing the victim’s pain.

“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?

Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain.

Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!

Again, don’t let them gaslight you! Keep standing up for yourself.

6. Removing the bully’s name.

For instance, instead of saying, “Billy beat Kelly up,” bystanders will say, “Kelly got beat up!”

Many times, the bully’s friends and followers will do this to protect their friend. Therefore, they cover for their buddy while taunting you because Billy beat the crap out of you.

7. What does victim blaming look like?

Suggesting that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. They may say that you made them do it.

They’ll make statements, such as,

“You ‘made me‘ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make‘ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me‘ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me‘ mad!”

However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to blame you and take the guilt off themselves.

Think about this. If they can make you take the blame for their abuse, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like the innocent victims while making you look like the bully.

8. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.

For example, if you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

9. Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put if off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it!

This post addressed the question, “what does victim blaming look like,” So you’ll recognize it when it happens and defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use