The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.
It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.
Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.
Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.
This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.
Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser
Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse, do it.
As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.
Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.
Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.
It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.
Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.
Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.
Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.
Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!
Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.
However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.
So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?
Here are 7 consequences.
1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!
Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.
Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.
You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.
Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.
2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.
In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.
Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.
After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?
You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.
3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.
Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.
Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!
4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.
Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.
Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.
If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.
Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.
5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.
This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.
Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.
Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.
People Watch you all the time.
Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.
On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.
Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.
1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.
2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.
This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!
6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.
When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.
I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.
There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.
7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.
Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.
In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.
However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.
Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.
They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.
If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.
Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.
This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps
2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps
3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses
5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For
