the explaining trap explained

The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

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‘Want to know why your bullies set the explaining trap for you and how you should respond to it? Here are several reasons they use this tactic and what you can do to blow them off and save your energy.

the explaining trap

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into falling into the explaining trap. It’s a trap because, no matter how you much you explain things to the bullies, they will only pretend not to understand. Moreover, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the explaining trap, why bullies use it, and what you can do to shut them down.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to confidently stonewall them. And the best part is that you’ll save your time and energy for better things.

This post is all about the explaining trap and what you can do to protect yourself from bullies and abusers who use it.

The Explaining Trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet, bullies are good at getting their victims to explain themselves on things that don’t need to be explained.

Worst of all, victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Why do Bullies use this evil technique?

1. To throw you off-balance

Again, bullies love to trick you into explaining yourself. However, no matter how much you explain, the bullies will only act as if they don’t understand your explanation. Or, they simply won’t accept it, no matter how logical it may be.

Moreover, your bullies will keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trap! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.

2. The Explaining Trap

To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later

‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more chances they have to reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you sooner or later.

Moreover, they may use this psychological weaponry either the next day, or even years later.

You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.

For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”

You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.

3. To trip you up

Oftentimes, when bullies dupe you into explaining anything to them, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.

Therefore, chances are that you won’t be able to keep your story straight, no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.

So, What do you do?

In other words, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength?

There are several smart ways to respond to the explaining trap.

1. “You know what you did.”

For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.

You want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Realize that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! In fact, you don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.

2. “You know when it happened.”

You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”

All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.

The trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. In other words, use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.

Because, again, you don’t owe them shit!

3. the explaining trap:

“Stop Pretending you don’t know what you did.”

This response is especially good! Why? Because, not only are you not explaining anything to them, you’re also calling out what your bullies are trying to do. And they’re trying to play you – to pretend they don’t know what they did to piss you off.

Therefore, you keep the upper hand with this comeback. Even better, you keep your self-respect and dignity.

4. “Just Stop it!”

This is another smart response. It’s short, it’s to the point, and it’s only three little words! Moreover, you’re setting a boundary any time you say “Stop.”

Also, you can say this if your bullies continue to ask more questions. With this response, you immediately cut off any further manipulation. In fact, you stop it dead in it’s tracks!

And, once you say it, put up your hand and walk away.

5. “What Are You? Five?”

This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like fools!

Therefore, you win!

6. The Explaining Trap:

“Do I Have to spell it out for you?”

This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like clueless dingbats. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.

Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and make them look stewwwwpid!

However, most victims, sadly, miss that opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.

Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.

7.”Just get out of here.”

This is a good comeback because it tells the bullies that you won’t allow them to manipulate you. Moreover, it also lets them know that you don’t want them around. And, if witnesses are around to see it, it only makes it that much better!

Another great thing about this response is that you can modify it to suit your particular style of communication. You can substitute it with, “Get lost,” “Hit the road,” “Get bent,” and much more.

8. You can even choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, you can only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

If you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

9. The Explaining Trap:

Sometimes, You can just not respond at all.

You can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does and sometimes not. It depends on the personality types you’re dealing with.

For instance, if you’re dealing with a person with narcissistic personality disorder, this definitely won’t work. So, use good judgement.

This post was all about the explaining trap and how you can respond so that you can recognize it when you bullies use it on you and deal with it intelligently.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

4. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

the psychological effects of gaslighting

Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

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‘Want to know the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you can better protect yourself against it? Here are the proven impacts gaslighters inflict that you must know about.

psychological effects of gaslighting

The psychological effects of gaslighting are many and massive. When victims of bullying and abuse endure gaslighting, the abuser and their flying monkeys only victimize them twice.

In this post, you will learn all the psychological effects of gaslighting on victims so that you’ll have more motivation to protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these ramifications, you will be better able to defend yourself against the evil deeds of gaslighters. Moreover, you will be about to call it out and explain what you’re dealing with when you talk about it.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you will better be able to explain to others what it does to victims.

Psychological effects of gaslighting

Before we get to the list, let’s touch on the goal of gaslighting and gaslighting tactics. Also, let’s preview how bullying and gaslighting impact your psyche.

Gaslighting is about wresting power and control over your mind. Bullies do this by undermining your reality. They minimize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Moreover, they deflect and shift blame to you. Also, they’re notorious for feigning concern over your (mental) well being.

Understand that this is how they weaponize compassion and goodwill.

Gaslighters are experts at twisting the truth and re-framing conversations. Additionally, they slyly use your reactions to their abuse against you.

Why? To discredit you by making you look as if you have a mental imbalance. You should never tolerate this kind of behavior.

When people inflict bullying and gaslighting on you, they objectify you. In other words, they use you as an inanimate object, a tool for gratification and a rush of power.

It is as if you only exist for other people’s purposes and not you own. Slowly, over time, it does damage to your mental health and if you’re not careful, you may never grow into a fully mature human being.

Consequently, you may begin to see yourself as the projected object the bullies deem you to be. When bullies notoriously gaslight you, they deliberately try to distort your reality.

Why? Because they themselves deny reality. Bullies and abusers deny facts, uncontested truths, and the concreteness of evidence.

Therefore, they try to make reality into an imaginary illusion when, in fact, reality is the opposite.

So, what happens when a bullies try to undermine your perception of reality?

They brainwash you and force you to see things from their point of view. I’ve met many kinds of people in my life. This includes gaslighters- enough of them to know their tactics and recognize them like the back of my hand.

11 Psychological effects of gaslighting

Here is a list of the ways gaslighting impacts victims.

1. Self-doubt

Gaslighting causes you to doubt yourself. Therefore, you doubt what you see, hear, feel and believe.

What gaslighters are best at is trying to make you doubt your sanity or your memory when you call out their bad behavior and evil deeds. Or, when you report them for bullying.

For example, when you tell them to stop bullying you or you report them, your bullies may tell you that “you took it wrong and that they were only trying to help you.” Moreover, they can accuse you of being “mentally imbalanced” or “having a bad memory.”

Also, they may say that you didn’t hear them correctly.

Here’s another example. Your bullies call you an ugly name and you counter them saying, “I’m not a (ugly name). However, they only come back with, “Well, if the shoe fits, wear it!”

Although you know the shoe doesn’t fit, understand that your bullies will do everything in their power to try and shoehorn it.

Therefore, see these derogatory names and remarks for what they’re designed to do. And that is to get you to doubt yourself.

Don’t allow gaslighters to do this to you. Again, see through the lies. You must use their lies to solidify your perception of reality instead of distort it. Instead of allowing them to weaken you, let them only increase your strength and resilience.

In other words, double down!

These are only a few examples. Here are many other gaslighting examples to be aware of, along with a list of counter-statements you can use to shut down gaslighting.

2. Psychological effects of gaslighting: You lose confidence in yourself.

Bullies will fool you into doubting your own goodness and importance.

Gaslighters will also instill doubt in your mind about the people who truly love you. They’ll tell you that your friends and family don’t even love you. Moreover, they’ll claim that the reason they don’t love you is because you’re unlovable.

Moreover, they’ll trick you into doubting your abilities. They do this by making hurtful statements such as, “You can’t do anything right.” Moreover, they may call you cruel names such as, “st*pid,” when you accidentally spill a glass of milk.

Understand that everyone makes mistakes and has accidents. Therefore, never let them break down your confidence in yourself.

Hold on to your confidence. Because without it, you might as well have nothing.

3. You adopt a sense of insecurity.

Enduring gaslighting can make you insecure. If you put up with it long enough, you’ll develop social anxiety and feel nervous around people.

As a result, this kills your social opportunities.

Therefore, keep your outgoing personality no matter how bullies may treat you. They just might be jealous of your friendly nature.

4. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Hyper vigilance

Hyper vigilance is an awareness of potential threats way beyond that which is normal. In other words, when a person is hyper vigilant, they’re overly alert. However, this is a trauma response and it’s not your fault if you suffer from it.

Many victims of bullying and abuse suffer from hyper vigilance after bullies and abusers have traumatized them for so long. The same thing happens when you endure gaslighting for any length of time.

This can only cause exhaustion and other physical ailments.

Again, it’s not your fault. Therefore, don’t blame yourself. Know that there are resources and people you can turn to for help. So, please. Check into those.

5. Distrust in yourself and others.

Victims of gaslighting neither trust themselves to make the right decisions nor do they trust others not to harm them. Therefore, they live a life of constantly looking out for potential threats.

This is understandable. After bullies and abusers have bullied and gaslighted you for so long, you tend to lose trust in everyone, including yourself.

How you begin trusting yourself again is to stop worrying what other people think, face the fear, and begin making your own decisions. Just do it.

Also, how you learn to trust others is to be selective in who you place your trust in. Watch people and learn what threatening body language looks like. Moreover, learn the body language of deception and negativity.

Once you learn all these things, you will be able to better judge who to trust and who not to.

6. Psychological effects of gaslighting: They begin having difficulty with decision making.

This goes back to number five. You have difficulty making decisions because you don’t trust yourself to make the right decisions.

Moreover, you’re afraid to make decisions because you’re always wondering what people will think. You were bullied so badly that people ridiculed everything you did. And when you defended yourself, they gaslighted you for it.

I feel your pain. But, stop that! No one has to live your life but you. Therefore, only you can possibly know what’s best for you. For your own sake, quit letting others dictate your choices because they could care less about what’s for your good.

Yes, I know it’s scary when others have bullied and beaten you down for years. However, you cannot continue to live this way because it’s a miserable existence and life’s too short.

You don’t have to allow this any longer. Take back your autonomy and freedom and just do it! Begin making your own decisions today. And screw them if they don’t like it. You deserve to finally live your life on your terms.

Screw it, just do it!

7. They withdraw from others.

You withdraw from others because you’re afraid that they’ll only bully you. In other words, you’re afraid of history repeating itself. However, what if it doesn’t?

Again, although understandable, the only thing this will do is socially hold you back. Put simpler, it will have a negative impact on your existing relationships and keep you from starting new ones.

Therefore, don’t let the bullies of your past or present hold you back from relationships and friendships that could fulfill you and uplift you.

You deserve to have a social life and you deserve to draw in people who love you and celebrate you. So, put yourself out there and be your best self.

8. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Isolation

Because it seems everyone has bullied and gaslighted you, you feel that the only way for you to be safe is to isolate yourself. Therefore, you must know that this will only make things worse for you.

Why? Because you stand to lose touch with friends and family who could be there to help you. Moreover, you cut yourself off from the many opportunities that come with socializing and keeping contact with friends and family and making new ones.

In short, you become a shut in. Is this how you’d rather live your life?

Know that you deserve to have a life that’s rich and rewarding with people who love and uplift you. You deserve it. You may have been told otherwise but you were lied to. I repeat! You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and want best for you.

Therefore, never isolate yourself. Instead, get out there and take risks. Meet people. Just watch them and be choosy with who you allow in.

9. False guilt

After bullies and gaslighters have abused you for so long, it’s too easy to self-loathe and feel guilty for things you haven’t done. This only further erodes your self-esteem and peace of mind.

Moreover, if you allow others to unjustly heap false guilt over your head, what do you think they will do next?

Therefore, understand that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s bad behavior but your own.

In other words, you cannot control the actions of another person. The only behaviors you can control are yours. So, again, never accept accountability for your bullies’ evil ways.

Know that you have the power to refuse to carry any burden that isn’t yours to carry.

10. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Anxiety

It’s no secret that bullying and gaslighting can cause anxiety in victims and survivors. Anxiety is a booger bear because it causes you to worry constantly about something bad that has happened before, occurring again in the future.

In other words, thoughts of negative possibilities begin to occupy your mind all the time. It causes nervousness and uneasiness and renders you unable to relax.

This is no way to live. You deserve better. Therefore, you can talk to a therapist,  your best friend or trusted family member. Either way, talk to someone you trust.

However, don’t let the anxiety go on for so long that it turns into a disorder.

11. Physical ailments, such as stomach issues and headaches

Psychological trauma has ways of causing illness in the body as well. This is why you must take steps to heal your mind from the effects of gaslighting and bullying.

Moreover, make sure you eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest. Take care of your body like you would your possessions. Because you health is your wealth.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting, how it impacts you, and how you can overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

from a bully's perspective

A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You

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‘Want to know all about the bully’s perspective and what they really want to say to you? Here you’ll get a peak inside the minds of bullies, especially when you stand up to them.

a bully's perspective

Bullies have a Divine Right of Kings attitude toward their victims. They feel that they are entitled to abuse them and that their targets don’t have the right to defend themselves. In other words, bullies expect their victims to just shut up, stand still, and take their abuse with a smile, then ask for seconds.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what a bully’s perspective is and what they expect from you.

One you learn all about these attitudes and expectations, you will be compelled to double down in protecting yourself from bullies. Moreover, you’ll finally know what bullies are thinking.

This post is all about a bully’s perspective and the importance of standing up to your bullies.

A Bully’s Perspective

If you’re a victim of bullying, Here is what your bullies want to say to you.

We warned you! We warned you not to rock the boat. ‘Told you not to make waves. We made it clear that your place was beneath us. Therefore, you should take our abuse without question and without refusing.

And we shouldn’t have to spell that out for you!

Nevertheless, what did you do? You just had to push it! ‘Had to get uppity! You just had to challenge our authority!

So, ‘you want to make trouble? ‘You want to diss us? ‘Grow some spine and step up to us?

Now, because of you, we risk the threat of everyone else challenging our power!

Therefore, what would you do if someone on a lower level than you challenged you? What would you do if some nobody humiliated you and made you look like a punk in front of everybody?

Yeah, yeah! People may advise us to just “let it go” or “overlook it!” However, you’ve made thhis personal and there’s no coming back from it!

Do you really think you won any respect by clapping back at us? Uh-uh! Nope! What you did was start a war!

So, don’t talk to us about right or wrong! Don’t speak to us about fairness! Because right and wrong, just don’t come into it! And fairness is a fairytale for babies!

We’re going to teach you that there’s a social order in this place! And there’s a certain way we do things around here!

You’ve forgotten who you are. We must teach you that some people matter, and some don’t! You also need to learn that some people can, and some can’t!

A Bully’s Perspective:

When you stand up to us, you take away our power over you.

Don’t say a word because you’d feel the same way we do! You’d think,

“This loser doesn’t know his place! He’s forgotten who he is! He has grown too big for his britches and too smart for his own good! He doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone!”

“He’s gotten too cocky, too sure of himself, too bold and too arrogant! In short, he’s threatened our positions at the top of the social totem pole! And threats must be contained!”

During the Medieval period, anyone who disrespected any member of a royal family would be dragged off to the guillotine. And the remaining peasants would know that they would be next if they even mentioned the troublemaker’s name.

The “Divine Right of Kings” rule still stands today, in this school, in this workplace, in this community, in this world.

People in our positions are allowed to beat our chests and throw our weight around freely and with impunity. It’s okay for us to abuse anyone we deem unworthy of humane treatment. If you were any one of us, you’d think,

A Bully’s Perspective:

we’re afraid that if you stand up for yourself, you just might start a trend!

“But (target’s name)! Who the hell does that freak think he is! He opened his smart mouth and dissed us! Now all the losers may rise up and demand their rights to equal treatment!

What? Allowing them to get through a single day without getting their brains beat in isn’t enough? Shoot! They should be down on their knees, thanking us for not making things worse for them!”

“Losers like him (the target) report you to the principal and get you in trouble! Or they get the big boss involved!

They join anti-bullying groups and get involved in anti-bullying programs at school! Or they join workplace safety groups!”

“Shyeah! Like that’s gonna help them any! And don’t EVEN get me started on those groups! They’re always looking for publicity!”

“They even write journals, publish books, and post on their blogs! They call you and your friends out on things you’d rather people inside or outside town not find out!”

“So, with the bullying awareness movement (Ugh! What a joke!) that’s sweeping the globe, it’s harder for us to insulate ourselves from accountability!

And since virtually everyone has a smartphone with a camera, how can we punish our target without further exposure and the risk of punishment and ruination of our prospects?

How can we reinforce our dominance over this creep, and make him cave in and bow down to us? How do we make our target submit?

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Will Fight Ferociously to keep our power.

We make the little rebel’s life a living hell and use him as an example to the rest of our subjects. However, we can’t make it too visible. We must be cunning and covert! Our attacks must be deniable.

We’ll do this to teach this punk a lesson show him who’s boss while letting the other schoolmates know that this will happen to them if they dare get out of their places. You call it tit-for-tat, we call it frontier justice.

Maybe you think that we don’t know we’re bullies. Well…you poor, clueless thing, you! Newsflash! We know we’re bullies and we’re proud of it. ‘Wanna know why?

Because bullies rule!

Why? Because it’s cool to be cruel! Sorry. That’s reality and you can either deal with it or continue to be a hero and get treated worse!

The higher up on the social hierarchy we are, the more brazen and brutal we are. And when you threaten our power, the more desperate we are.

Therefore, the harder we’ll fight to keep the popularity, attention,  favor, the having our butts kissed, and the social status we enjoy.

You need to realize that the positions we hold and the friends and followers we have give us special treatment. We get rewards, and liberties that nobody else can get.

1. we will try to hold you down.

And the power we have is too delicious to give up. Outside of our group, our high social status, and this town, we have nothing!

So, if this little pipsqueak thinks he’s going to man up and punk us out in front everyone, then we’re going to give him both barrels!

In this power struggle, we have an arsenal of power, reputation, connections, and favor. And we’ll use them all to bury him!

It takes a long time to isolate a target. But we have the patience of Job.

And while we wait for the outcome, we’ll get our kicks out of watching him suffer! He thinks he can win friends and respect?

He thinks he’s equal to us? Not in this lifetime! We decide who talks to who, who makes friends and when they do.

And we can kill any opportunity to make friends, get a date, have a promotion, and even turn the teachers, coaches, supervisors… any staff member against him if we so desire.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Thrive on Silencing you.

We can shut him up by ridiculing him every time he speaks, even if he’s right. And if he gets in kind of praise or recognition from others, it’ll only further piss us off.

Then, we’ll turn up the heat on his butt!

We’ll shame him by calling him a nerd or a bookworm in school. We’ll accuse him of being an arrogant know-it-all at work! Finally, by the time we’re through with him, he’ll be too afraid to open his smart mouth!

We can exclude him from company meetings, school clubs, ballgames, school dances, proms, and other functions.

We’ll control his emotions. He won’t get any enjoyment in life unless we say so. We can make sure he does nowhere but down. Then, we’ll leave him to rot in his own loneliness and misery. We’ll make sure he’s stuck on the bottom of the pecking order and never moves up.

As a result, we’ll dim his shine, strip him of any confidence, change his smug attitude, and make him loathe himself! We’ll make him trash!

He crossed us- that makes him a leper as far as anyone else is concerned. Does he really think anyone will stand by him?

Sure, others may hate us because they can’t be us, but they fear us! They may talk smack about how they’d stand up to us, but talk’s cheap.

A Bully’s Perspective:

2. We isolate you.

Oh, yeah! The other folks talk the talk. But we know that when the time comes to walk the walk, they’ll only tuck their tails between their legs and run.

Moreover, they’ll leave the little wuss to fend for himself. They’ll know better than to piss us off because they know that we have the power to make their lives just as hard as we made his (the target’s).

Nobody wants to be next on our hit list, and we don’t blame them! It isn’t their problem, and they don’t want to end up down in the basement either.

So, what’s he going to do about it? If he does manage to scrounge up a few friends, they’ll be the few no-counts who are just as desperate as he is.

Also, they’ll hang with him only because they have no other options themselves. This gives us another juicy idea! Hmmm… Perhaps if we pretend to like and accept those other losers, they’ll throw his sorry butt under the bus too! Then what friends will he have?

How do you think we got to where we are? It’s because we’re the most knowledgeable of human nature.

Moreover, human nature dictates that, just as there are people who fight to be on top, there are also those who fight just as hard to stay off the bottom.

Oh, the other losers may feel sorry for the target, but they need us to leave them alone. They expect us not to make them bigger laughing stocks than they already are.

Therefore, the few friends he has will know better than to support him. Anyone would be a fool to have a dog in this fight!

A Bully’s Perspective:

we love dominance and power.

Around here, we are royalty! We’re the top dogs. If anyone else wants to be safe, they need our permission.

Therefore, the target’s friends don’t want us to make things any harder on them. And they know that if at any time some blockhead pisses us off, we take no prisoners!

So, even his friends will pretend it isn’t happening. Why? Because they know better than to have his back.

And if he shoots his mouth off to them or anyone else about any of us, many of them will report back to us for these reasons:

  • To get on our good side
  • In hopes that we’ll accept them
  • To stay off our hate-radar

And if we grill the target’s friends with questions about him, they’ll tell us anything they think we want to hear. This is good because they more than likely know all his deepest, darkest secrets!

Maybe these friends will know we’re only using them to get the deets from them. Then again, maybe they won’t, but either way, it won’t matter. The only thing that will matter to them is keeping us satisfied, and keeping their butts off our shit list.

Do you see where we’re going with this? The fix is in. If the target continues to push back against us, others will avoid him to keep from arousing our wrath.

And no matter how strong he thinks he is, he won’t be able to handle that for very long.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we will bombard you with attacks to wear you down.

Here are more ways we assert and reinforce control over targets who step out of line.

3. We spread rumors and lies about you because we know it works.

That’s right! We’ll demonize him. And he won’t even know about it until it’s too late and enough people are itching to take him apart.

We’ll sow discord between him and everyone else. Hell! Even the teachers or supervisors! We’ll make him public enemy number one!

Get this straight. All we have to do to demonize our target is to throw around a few offhand remarks and loaded words.

‘You see? We bullies been best friends since kindergarten, and some of us since we were babies. We are a family and we keep each other’s darkest secrets and fiercely protect each other. In other words, we cover each other’s butts.

Our families know each other, and we have connections to quite a few city officials and local big shots. Everyone knows us and they love us- very much!

We’re in cahoots with the right people and they tell us everything.

Nothing is private. Not in this town. This is our kingdom. And it’s crawling with lackeys, suck-ups, and wannabes. These people straddle the fence and they’re the ones you’d l least expect.

And he messed with one of us, so he messed with all of us!

4. A Bully’s Perspective:

we make you do degrading things with the promise of acceptance.

By this time, we’ll have him so rejected, alone and alienated that he’ll sell his soul to the devil just to get a crumb of acceptance. So, why not give him something to strive toward?

Make him do something to embarrass himself. And trust us, we’re creative!

We’ll think of something so humiliating and degrading! Setting him up to look pathetic is going to be so fun!

Moreover, we’ll film it for the entire free world to see. And he’ll never be able to get away from it.

We’ll also set him up to get in trouble with authority by baiting him into a few fights. We’ll get in his face. One of us might even throw the first punch and force him to hit back.

Then, we’ve got him. We’ll all band together and say he started it, cook up a good story, and he’ll be the one blamed.

And the icing on the cake is that after everyone finishes blaming and punishing this loser, they’ll give us sympathy for being victimized by such a monster.

That’s just life! It’s the mixed up world we live in. Some matter and some don’t. And if a target tries to defend himself, others will only accuse him of being defensive, a whiner, or mentally imbalanced.

But those rules don’t apply to us because we can do no wrong. Remember. We’re royals. And the double-standards we held our target to are beneficial to us.

Don’t be surprised and don’t catch an attitude. You’d do the same thing if you were one of us.

5. A Bully’s Perspective:

We fantasize about you transferring out or, even better, killing yourself.

Seriously, we do. But then again, we really don’t want that because, if he did either one, all the fun would end and it would be game over.

We need our target to stick around so that we can continue getting our jollies and free entertainment.

We prefer to make things worse on our target slowly and gradually, dragging it out for as long as possible. We’ll enjoy watching him withdraw from everyone and lose his appetite. Smiling as he gets sick, and shakes from nervousness, we won’t take our eyes off him.

And we know he will snap sooner or later.

Get this straight! We’re not completely clueless. We learned the laws of human nature early. How do you think we got so darned popular with kids and adults alike?

And how do you think we rose to the top of the social totem pole? We knew the rules of the social game long before most people knew how to use the bathroom by themselves!

We also know that no one can keep that kind of pressure stuffed down inside forever. It’s impossible. Eventually, the target will explode.

It always works better that way. And when he does blow up, we can only hope he does it in front of an audience.

6. A Bully’s perspective:

We would love nothing more than to beat the ever-loving crap out of you but we don’t want to risk getting caught.

We’re already building a case against the target. We can pick out small incidents, take them out of context, and spin them to make it bigger. Also, we can craft a pattern out of them and make it look like evidence that is so damning.

Sure. Like, love and attractiveness are all subjective, but the system and social dynamic are rigged in our favor.

We’re too smart to do something so obvious and we don’t want to get our hands dirty. We’d much rather psychologically pick the creep apart in front of everyone and use his words against him.

His intentions don’t matter. A screw-up is a screw-up and we’ll stick it to him. We’ll do it under the guise of friendly advice, the stealthier way to attack.

7. we will Pit what friends you have against you.

If we can’t turn his friends against him any other way, we’ll attack them too. We’ll accuse his friend of being in on the target’s little rebellion.

Why should we do the dirty work ourselves when we have peer pressure on our side?

His friends will blame him for dragging them into it and causing them to become targets. They won’t care to hear any explanations or justifications.

They’ll just want their lives back and they’ll ostracize and gang up on him to make that happen. Cause and effect is such a beautiful thing! Why not use it to your advantage?

8. A Bully’s Perspective:

We Send henchmen to commit our violence for us.

As much as we’d love to beat the target’s brains out with our bare hands, we’re too smart to get blood on ourselves. In fact, we won’t even be there.

Therefore, if the above tactics don’t work, we’ll just send a few roughnecks to kick his ass for us. And why not? We’re the kings and queens around here.

Seasoned Bullies Don’t Like to get their hands dirty.

Therefore, all we have to do is offer the right incentives and we can get anybody to do anything we want them to do.

Even better, we’ll get the toughest guy with the worst reputation and put a bug in his ear. We’ll make him think that the target is trying to put the moves on his girl. Then we won’t have to offer him anything in return.

It won’t matter what the truth is or whether the target even knows the girl. Because we have all the power, connections and trust, just our names and our word is golden.

The target gets his head kicked in and gets a ride in an ambulance. We fade into the woodwork. And if things get too hairy, we just let the tough guy take the fall!

And if tough-guy tells the cops that we put him up to it, do you think they’ll believe him?

Brilliant, huh?

This post is all about the bully’s perspective to give you a peek into their minds.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples 

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

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‘Want to know the purpose of smear campaigns and the stealthy techniques bullies use to ruin your good name? Here is a detailed description of the process and why these evil tactics work so well.

smear campaigns

Smear campaigns are destructive to your reputation and can even ruin your life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the detailed tactics bullies employ in their smear campaigns so that you can better guard yourself against them.

Once you learn this very important information, you will will better able to defend yourself against them and save your good name.

This post is all about smear campaigns, the tactics bullies use to launch them, and what you can do to successfully defend yourself against them.

Smear Campaigns and the importance of reputation

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

So, why do bullies attack your reputation?

Simply put, they do it to strip you of power.  Bullies know that, once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack. In other words, they know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down.

Why? Because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions finish you off.

Moreover, after they trash your good name, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

How do Smear Campaigns work?

It always starts subtly.

So, Where do they begin?

1. They start by planting seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others.

They may cast doubt on you by doing something as subtle as dropping a suggestion. Doubt is a powerful tool. It sets the stage for the next stages of the smear.

2. Smear Campaigns:

They spread rumors and lies.

All it takes is one little rumor- just one!

Bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because the target can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. He could deny the rumors, even produce evidence that proves his innocence of the accusations.

2. He could ignore the lies and blow his accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

However, either way, people will still look at the target with suspicion. If the target defends himself and produces evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

If he ignores the lies and waves his accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of him because they’ll think that he has something to hide and is only playing it cool.

Bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get the target so enraged and rattled that while defending himself, he ends up making a truckload of mistakes.

Also, if this happens and the target hasn’t yet established a reputation, the smear campaign will work all the more in the bullies’ favor.

Bullies spread lies and rumors by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, they’ll fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, whatever lies they spread will stick.

3. They’ll Repeat the same lies.

In other words, the bullies use repetition. They repeat the same rumor over and over again until it sticks. And sadly, once repeated enough times, more and more people will believe it and it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie.

In fact, by then, others will want to believe it.

And, once the bullies have done their part,  they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! There’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

4. Bullies will provoke you to trick you into living up to the rumors.

If bullies spread a rumor that you’re mentally imbalanced, they may provoke some kind of emotional reaction from you. They may do this by taunting you.

Moreover, they may also provoke you by hitting you first, hoping you’ll hit them back so they can use it as proof that you really are unhinged.

Smear Campaigns: What happens when Your Reputation takes a hit?

1. People will negatively judge any talents, actions, or contributions, good or bad.

Here’s how this works.

Two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way. However, each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.

In other words, it’s not what you do. It’s who you are when you do it. It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

However, let a person everyone despises write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that isn’t even worth reading.

Thank God for pseudonyms!

This brings me to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything!

The Character, Chris Chambers in the movie, “Stand by Me”

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief.

Moreover, during the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, Chris told him about how he got his bad name and wished he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal.  However, he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.

And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.

Smear campaigns have stages.

Stage 1:

The bullies will cast doubt on your character and drop suggestions. Also, they’ll spread lies and rumors. They will then provoke you. You blow them off for a while but the bullies are relentless. Therefore, they not only continue but escalate the harassment.

Finally, you get fed up with their crap and, out of exhaustion and emotion, tell them to go to hell in a hand basket. And there! The bullies get the reaction they’ve been waiting for.

Now, the smear campaign begins. Your bullies start by suggesting that you’d be better off if you got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for your own good to look as if they have genuine concern for you.

Next, they may drop an offhand comment here and another there. Understand that bullies need to slowly and ever-so-gradually ramp up the smears. Why? So, that what they’re doing doesn’t appear so obvious.

Character vs Reputation

In the beginning, you may have friends. Others may like or even love you. Moreover, they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.”

Or, the bullies may lie to your friends by telling them that sometime in the past, you criticized them or stabbed them in the back.

Smear Campaigns Stage 2.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy.

Moreover, they make false statements and accuse you of wrongs you never committed.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they grow until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

However, you couldn’t be more wrong!

stage 3.

Once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth.

Therefore, by the time the open bullying is underway, you no longer have a clean reputation.

The results of successful smear campaigns.

Now, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around you also feel that the reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into their hearts.

They’ll say that you put on a front, and you only weaseled your way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Moreover, others will make your past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades irrelevant. They will also maximize your mistakes and failures and add many more you didn’t make.

In other words, they will rewrite your history.

If you’re on your best behavior and others see it with their own eyes, they’ll only accuse you of being a con artist. Also, any hard evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll chalk it up to you being a smooth-talker who’s good at using charm to manipulate others.

And the friends that your bullies turn against you? They’ll claim that they never liked you from the start. Moreover, they’ll swear up and down that they were only kind to you because they felt sorry for you, or because you conned them.

Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations.

Also, they’ll say that they only agreed with you about your bullies because you fooled them into it.

Telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

I want you to understand that once people’s minds are already made up, there’s no changing it.

Smear Campaigns Stage 4

Stage 4 is the late stage. Therefore, in the late stages of a smear campaign, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators.

Gossip will be everywhere. And it brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.

Moreover, anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

In Conclusion:

There’s still hope. Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how.

1. If you’re a victim of vicious smear campaigns, Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind, but if you stay in the town where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward and will always be stuck right where you are.

Why not pack your things and head for greener pastures.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and that you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. Moreover, the cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.”

Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. Also, you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a window to crawl through if you look for it. I guarantee it!

This post is all about smear campaigns so that you can recognize all the tactics and stages. Moreover, it will give you time to act to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

3. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

5. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

self-acceptance

Why is Self Acceptance Important? 21 Must-Know Reasons

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Sadly, many people go through life without self-acceptance. But why is self-acceptance important?

why is self-acceptance important

You may have heard the term “self-acceptance” many times before and may be asking yourself, “Why is self-acceptance important?” Moreover, you may not even know what it is.

Here you will learn the definition of if, why it’s important, and how you can achieve it in order to better your life.

Once you learn all these important details and put them to use, your confidence will soar and you’ll finally be able to take more control of your life and it’s trajectory.

This post will give you the answers to the question, “Why is self-acceptance important?” so that you can reap the benefits of it and reclaim your personal power.

Why is self-acceptance important?

Again, there are many reasons. However, first, lets discuss exactly what self-acceptance is and how it relates to bullying and it’s victims.

Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it sometimes takes years to overcome the after-affects, get completely comfortable with yourself and find happiness.

Because of the torment they suffer, victims often withdraw and become shy. Moreover, the shyness can last a lifetime if they aren’t careful.

This reserved condition often comes from not only fear, but a lack of self-acceptance. Shyness is painful. Therefore, self-acceptance is the most important gift you can ever give yourself.

Here are the reasons that self-acceptance is so important.

1. you can see your own beauty.

A lack of self-acceptance blinds you to your own individual beauty. Therefore, once you accept yourself for all that you are, you will easily see your beauty and every good quality you have. You will then relax and just be.

2. you give yourself permission to make mistakes.

You realize that everyone screws up, including yourself. Therefore, you’re okay with making errors. You may not necessarily like goofing on a project, or singing off key. However, you’re still okay with the blunders you make throughout your life simply because everyone else does it too.

Moreover, you won’t try so hard to be perfect because you realize that perfection is impossible for anyone to reach. So, you’re able to just relax and go with the flow.

3. Why is self-acceptance important? You feel free to express yourself.

The reason many victims of bullying don’t practice self-expression is because they’re afraid that others won’t approve. In other words, they spend too much time worrying about what other people think or what they’ll say.

Therefore, they live in an invisible prison they don’t know how to escape from. The prison of whether they get other people’s approval. What they don’t realize is that they don’t need approval from anyone else.

However, when you express yourself, you don’t feel restricted. Therefore, you feel free to express yourself and aren’t the least bit concerned with what the people around you might think about it.

Why? Because you know that you don’t need the approval of others to live your truth and be who you are.

4. You feel free to be yourself.

In other words, you know you don’t need to try and be someone you aren’t. You don’t have to put on a big front to impress others. You’re completely comfortable in your own skin and as discussed in number three, you express yourself more freely.

Moreover, when you can be yourself, you’re relaxed, calm, and content with who God made you to be.

5. You accept all your flaws.

Why? Because you realize that everyone has imperfections. Therefore, you understand that you’re no different and you’re fine with it.

In other words, you accept all parts of yourself, the good and the not so good.

6. Why is self-acceptance important? You’re not afraid to display all your talents, gifts, and natural abilities.

Though others may criticize you for it, mostly out of jealousy, you keep showing what you can do best. Moreover, you’re not concerned with the way people may feel about it.

Sure. You like to display your natural gifts before others, but you do it because you enjoy it and not to impress anyone.

7. You feel free to have your own opinions, feelings, and beliefs.

In other words, you’re not afraid to voice those opinions. In today’s world, being an individual and having your own opinions is of the utmost importance.

Why? Because now more than ever, society frowns on differences of opinions and beliefs.  Agreeing to disagree is, sadly, becoming more and more out of date with the majority of people attacking those with differences in thought, taste, and opinion.

Understand that no two people are going to agree on everything. That’s why you must have the courage to have your own beliefs and convictions even if it causes others discomfort.

8. you work on getting to know yourself better.

You can begin keeping a journal and writing in it everyday. Also, you can take a few courses and try new things. These are a few ways to get to know yourself better.

9. You’re not afraid to grow, learn, and try new things.

Learning and trying new things brings growth. Moreover, it’s also exciting! Therefore, never stop learning, no matter how old you get. Because, when you stop learning, you become stagnant.

10. Why is self-acceptance important? Because You’re more likely to face your fears head-on.

Self-acceptance takes courage. Moreover, when you accept yourself, flaws and all, you’re more likely to take risks.

Risk taking is important because it brings you out of your comfort zone. And when you step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, amazing things happen!

11. you discover talents and abilities you never thought you had.

When you accept yourself, you’re more willing to try new things. And when you try new things, you’ll find those hidden natural gifts and abilities. Also, you’ll have the patience to practice them and the courage to show them to others.

12. You believe in yourself.

In other words, you believe that you can succeed at what you set out to do. You have confidence in yourself and are much less afraid to take on projects and tasks.

Moreover, you’ll be more confident in tackling anything life throws your way. Why? Because you know that you’re strong and that you’ll triumph over it.

13. Why is Self-Acceptance Important? Because You’re not afraid to set goals, work on those goals, and pursue your dreams.

People who accept themselves have goals to work toward and dreams to fulfill. They’re usually so busy that they don’t have time to worry about what others think and seek approval.

Therefore, accept yourself and be too busy doing you! This will only bring you success and happiness down the road if you don’t give up.

14. You practice self-care.

When you accept yourself, you love yourself. And when you love yourself, you’re more likely to take care of your body. In other words, you’ll make sure you eat right and exercise everyday.

Also, you’ll get plenty of rest at night and see the doctor if you get sick.

You will take care of your mental health as well. Moreover, you’ll do this by protecting your peace from bullies, abusers, and other toxic people.

15. You’re not afraid to set boundaries nor to enforce them if you need to.

In other words, you don’t put up with bad behavior from anyone. Again, you’ll protect your mental health by keeping toxic people out of your life and protecting your peace.

Moreover, you’re not afraid to set boundaries and call out anyone who verbally abuses you. And you aren’t afraid to walk away from people who take advantage of your goodness or get abusive with you.

16. Why is self-acceptance important? When you accept yourself, new opportunities and better situations open up for you.

You’ll think that the floodgates of heaven have suddenly opened and you are being washed away in a river of blessings.

In other words, your relationships will improve and you’ll suddenly begin attracting better people into your life. You’ll make new friends and associates.

Moreover, other opportunities will come through these new people, such as great jobs, careers, and travel.

17. You’re not afraid to show your silly side and have fun.

In fact, you’ll enjoy having fun and goofing off a little. Also, the people around you will enjoy it too because you’ll be a fun person to be around!

18. You’re better able to have compassion and empathy for others.

The prerequisite to loving others is to love yourself and that takes self-acceptance.

If you can’t accept yourself, you won’t be able to accept others either. This is why a lot of people become bullies and most bullies haven’t achieved self-acceptance.

Being a bully doesn’t score any points. Moreover, it doesn’t make bullies feel any better in the long run. Sure, they may feel better about themselves the instant they put someone else down.

However, that feeling won’t last long. In fact, it fades rather quickly. They’ll then need to attack someone else to get that fix and it will only make them look like insecure little cowards.

But when you accept yourself, you don’t worry about the opinions of others and are better able to give love and compassion to the people around you. Even better, you won’t feel the need to bully anyone.

Therefore, work on changing the way you see yourself and begin loving yourself more.

 Only then will you be able to properly love others.

19. Why is self-acceptance important? Your personal relationships improve.

Because you accept yourself, you accept others. You love yourself and give the same to others. This can only improve your personal relationships.

People love those who love them and they accept those who accept them. Therefore, your relationships can only get better, not worse.

20. You’re social life improves.

You become much more attractive to people and they are drawn to you like a magnet. And the individuals who are waiting for you to mess up actually get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Acceptance of self (all aspects) is such sweet freedom!

No one likes to be around a self conscious and insecure person with a victim-mentality who doesn’t like themselves.

Again, when you accept yourself, others will too.

21. You find peace and happiness.

Self-acceptance is one of the main stepping stones to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, you release yourself from the enslavement of others’ approval. Moreover, you stop concerning yourself with how others see you.

In that, you lift a huge weight off your shoulders. This brings peace and happiness into your life.

This post is all about the importance of self-acceptance and the amazing life-changes it brings.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

2. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

crybully definition

What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

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Do you want to know all about the crybully and all the signs of one? Here is the definition of it and the characteristics of this pathetic type of bully.

crybully

Crybullies are pathetic human beings. They act tough but the minute you give them a dose of their own medicine, they run crying to a teacher, supervisor, manager… anyone who will listen. Moreover, they have ways of making you look like the bad guy when, in fact, you were only defending yourself against their vitriol.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the crybully, the signs you’re dealing with one, and the tactics they use to play the victim.

Once you learn this important information, you will be able to call them what they are and nail them on their tactics. As a result, you will be a wonderful advocate not only for yourself but for anyone else these people bully.

This post is all about the crybully so that you can confidently call them out and protect yourself from blame.

A new term has emerged in the last few years to describe the pathetic type of person who doesn’t mind dishing out the crap but can’t handle it when it gets kicked back their way.  We call this person, a crybully.

So, what is a crybully?

A crybully is a bully who’s also a crybaby, who runs to authority and “cries like a little bitch” whenever their targets stand up to them.

Here’s how they operate.

These people repeatedly provoke their victims for an extended period of time. Moreover, the target first tries to ignore them to avoid conflict and keep down the drama.

However, this only serves to encourage the crybully to continue and escalate the behavior. Why? Because they come to believe that the victim is a wimp who won’t do anything about it.

Therefore, they think that they can continue to bully the target and get away with it.

But when the target finally gets fed up with their crap and responds in kind, the crybully suddenly gets their little feelings hurt and feels indignant.

So, to get back at the target for daring to stand up to them, the crybully runs to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

This person tattles on the victim, like the schoolyard sissy they are. They play the victim while painting the target as the bully. Therefore, bystanders and authority become outraged at the victim.

They accuse the innocent person of being the bully while giving the real bully sympathy.

How the crybully benefits from playing the victim

The instigator then basks in the attention as others give her a pat on the head and lavish her with sympathy. All the while, they also get satisfaction with the blame others place on the real victim.

This gives the crybully a huge sense of power.

Moreover, these types of bullies will also disparage their targets to peers in efforts to smear them and trash their reputation. Understand that these types of manipulators are everywhere and they’re vindictive!

However, understand that this kind of behavior only speaks volumes of these types of bullies. It says that they’re not only cowards but entitled little brats.

They think they should be allowed to treat others any way they want without repercussions. These people are the pathetic ones here.

Therefore, you should be proud of yourself and feel good in knowing that you don’t have to resort to these shenanigans. And in situations such as these, these types of bullies should be the subject of your ridicule.

Because ridicule and shame will be the only way to make these bullies leave you alone.

How do you spot these types of people?

1. Characteristics of the Crybully:

Self-entitlement

Again, this person doesn’t mind provoking you over and over, but when you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, they aren’t only surprised but offended.

Understand that these types of bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do and that you have no right to stop her. Moreover, they believe you don’t have a right to even say anything against it.

These types think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

Understand that they feel that the world owes them and that they have the right to mistreat you. Even more astonishing is that they think that you’re just supposed to bow down to them and take the abuse.

In other words, they expect you to let them harm you, then take it with a smile and a yes sir/ma’am. Why? Because:

“I’m always right, and you’re always wrong.”

“I’m better than you.”

“You’re inferior to me, I’m superior to you, and how dare you stand up to me? You have no rights as far as I’m concerned.” 

Note the quotations above and understand that, though they may never come out and say it, this is how these chumps think.

2. A crybully will gripe, whine, and complain when something they don’t like happens.

For instance, you call the bully out on his BS. Moreover, you report or speak out about his bullying. In other words, you say or do anything to prompt authority figures to hold him accountable for his despicable behavior.

Therefore, the manipulator will then bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler if they have to face responsibility for anything. He’ll  throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

He may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself.

Understand that crybullies must always get their way. Also, they think they can do no wrong. Many times, they will get furious with and throw a fit with you.

If the crybully is female, she may dissolve into a puddle of tears and tell not only authority but anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

3. These manipulators will shout you down if you don’t agree with them or you call them out on their bad behavior.

They think their words, actions, and beliefs are golden. If you happen to speak against their deplorable behavior or hold a different view, crybullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first. But, if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim that you started it.

4. A crybully wants everything handed to them and doesn’t like to put in the effort to earn it.

Crybullies are entitled to have whatever they want when and how they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Also, they don’t like to wait for it either.

In other words, these types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right now, not five minutes from now, not even one minute from now.

They’re like spoiled children. If they don’t get what they want, they will never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that crybullies do this to wear you down. However, you must only double down and resist, no matter what. So, stand firm if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

5. Crybullies hate the thought of anyone else having a life better than they do.

When these kinds of people see someone else doing better than them at anything, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will also try to get back at the person for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see the success of anyone else other then themselves as injustice.

6. They Have a victim mentality.

This point takes me back to how the crybully tries to make the victim look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that horse manure.

Therefore, when you think of a crybully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice and try to calm them down. If you do, they only keep manipulating you.

There you have it, folks. If you see any of the above characteristics, you might have a crybully on your hands. The best way to battle this type of bullying is to name it and shame it. Putting a name on these things makes them so much easier to deal with and overcome.

This post is all about the crybully and their traits so that you can confidently and successfully call them out on their bullshit and protect yourself from their incessant gaslighting.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use 

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

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‘Want to know how to overcome self doubt? Here are the time-tested mind hacks you need to know about.

how to overcome self doubt

When it seems that bullies attack you from every direction, it doesn’t take long for you to begin doubting yourself. As someone who’s been there and triumphed, I’m giving you the proven steps you need to know to overcome self doubt.

In this post, you will learn all the mental tricks you need to go from doubting yourself to believing in yourself.

Once you learn all these clever mind exercises, you will slowly develop the self-belief you need to stand up to bullying and gaslighting. Moreover, you will feel more confident than you thought possible.

This post shows you how to overcome self doubt using the psychological techniques below so that you can grow more confident and live a happier and more productive life.

How to Overcome Self Doubt

Before we get into the mind hacks, let’s discuss the relationship between being bullied and doubting yourself and how it can negatively alter your life.

Many victims of bullying are filled with self-doubt. However, it isn’t only bullying victims that suffer this malady.

Self-doubt ranks right up there with fear. It’s a close second to it as it kills your dreams and causes you to live in mediocrity. Therefore, fear and self-doubt are the catalysts to life-failure. So, please don’t let this happen to you.

Many have been bullied so long that doubting themselves has become like second nature. Understand that abuse has a way of resetting your default mode from confident to diffident.

And once that default has been changed, it’s much more difficult to change it back. Therefore, this is one of the reasons why bullying is so devastating for a target.

To put it simpler, once you’re bullied, it changes you. Either it turns you into a scared, helpless victim, an angry and bitter monster, or an empty shell.

You can overcome it and still, you won’t be the person you once were.  Moreover, even if you do the inner work, get to know yourself again, win back your confidence, and manager to heal, you’re still not the same.

You’re stronger, yes. You’re a winner, yes. But I’ll say again, you’re still never the same as you were before you were bullied. Therefore, there will be times when you’ll feel self-doubt creep back in and have to fight it.

How to overcome self doubt: It’s an ongoing battle.

In other words, you don’t just conquer bullying, get confident again and say, “Whew! I won! I’m glad I don’t have to worry about self-doubt or bullying again!”

Why? Because you will at some point. There will be times when that unwelcome and uninvited guest, Mr. or Ms. Doubt will quietly try to slither their way back. Situations in life will trigger it and you will have to fight it.

It’s an ongoing battle. You might experience lulls, where you feel so self-assured that you don’t believe you could ever doubt yourself again. Moreover, these feel-good periods may last days, weeks, months, even years

However, circumstances will arise and unsavory people will come into your life to bring that old devil back again. And, once again, you will have to fight with everything you have to kick that pesky, uninvited guest out.

Self-doubt comes with many symptoms. They include lack of confidence in yourself, your appearance, your abilities, and your potential.

Additionally, lack of self-belief  breeds lack of self-determination or, Learned Helplessness. It also comes with anger, sadness, depression, feelings of jealousy, and later, regret.

Giving into self-doubt is dangerous because it has a huge negative affect on your life. In fact, it can absolutely destroy your future. So, how does self-doubt effect your life? It does so in several ways:

1. It zaps your motivation and inspiration.

When you think you can do nothing right or can’t be very effective, you won’t want to try at anything. Why? Because you’ll be so fearful of failing.

Without motivation nor inspiration, you’ll either never do anything at all or you’ll do just enough to get by and that’s it. Instead of living, you’ll only end up existing.

Instead of being successful at life, you’ll only squeeze through it by the skin of your teeth. In other words, you’ll end up in toxic relationships that don’t fulfill you. Also, you’ll bust your tail in dead-in job after dead-end job.

Consequently, you’ll have nothing to show for it in the end.

2. If you don’t learn how to overcome self doubt, It Will cause you to miss opportunities.

When you constantly doubt yourself, you’ll be blind to your chance opportunities and let them pass you by. This will only lead to a mountain of regret later.

There’s nothing that feels worse than knowing you had an good opportunity and missed it because you didn’t see it.

3. It gives you a defeatist attitude.

Self-doubt can morph into the acceptance of failure. Moreover, it can cause you to give up too soon and forfeit success.

Understand that challenges are the most difficult right before your breakthrough and this is when most people give up. In other words, most throw in the towel when success is just around the corner.

Also, once you get into the habit of giving up, you’ll see no point in trying at anything anymore. Therefore, you will only see more failure and defeat.

Finally, you’ll end up with the attitude that you can never reach success. You’ll feel that nothing meaningful or positive can ever come your way.

Moreover, you’ll feel as if God has cursed you, is punishing you and that His will is for you to suffer without ceasing.

This is the absolute wrong attitude to have.

4. Not knowing how to overcome self doubt only stunts your growth, and keeps you feeling “stuck.”

If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t grow as a person. You’ll only  feel like a victim of circumstance. As a result, you’ll feel helpless to change any of the things you don’t like about your life.

In other words, you will feel that no matter how hard you try, you can never accomplish anything.

5. It causes you to procrastinate.

Because you think you’re going to fail anyway, you dread even trying. Therefore, you put off everything until tomorrow. And, day by day, you keep putting off the things you know you need to do.

Consequently, you let it all pile up until the problem becomes so big it overwhelms you.

So, how do you stop doubting yourself? And how do you continue to work bravely on your goals no matter how long it takes to achieve them?

Overcoming self doubt starts in the mind.

Here are the 7 mind hacks to help you stop doubting yourself.

1. Remember how far you’ve come.

In other words, congratulate yourself for making it this far. Doing this will encourage you to go the entire distance and finish the race.

2. Remember the battles you’ve fought and won.

This includes the small wins that are barely noticeable. Moreover, keep in mind that little victories lead to big victories!

3. Remember the fears you’ve faced and overcome.

For example, if you were afraid of water when you were five and you overcome it by taking swimming lessons. Go back to that memory anytime you feel scared of doing something you know you must do.

Remember the quote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s acting in spite of fear.”

4. Remember all the bullies and mean people you’ve overcome.

In other words, remind yourself that you’re still standing even after so many people tried to bring you down. That is a victory in and of itself!

5. How to overcome self doubt: count your blessings.

This means counting the good things that have ever happened to you in your lifetime. You’ll be surprised when you find that they are so many that you can’t count them all.

6. Remember all the things you’ve accomplished- even the tiniest of assignments and projects you’ve completed.

Whether you finish the Fall cleaning of your house, got a good grade, or learned to ride a motorcycle, it’s a win and you must see it as one. Therefore, count your victories, no matter how insignificant they may seem. A win is a win.

7. lastly, believe that if anyone else can do it, you can too.

Seeing someone else succeed can be a huge motivator. Therefore, instead of being envious, let the other person’s victory give you encouragement to keep trying.

Understand that we all come to roadblocks and hit brick walls. Moreover, we all have our down times and, sadly, sometimes those bumps in the road can cause us to doubt ourselves from time to time.

However, don’t you dare quit. If you need to rest, than rest. Even the Energizer Bunny has to recharge his batteries at some point.

The trick is to get up, dust yourself off, and keep pushing on. The difference between those who succeed and those who fail is whether they give in to self-doubt and give up or push it away and keep going.

In conclusion

No matter what bullies have told you nor how many times you’ve faced adversity, you can overcome self-doubt. It may take a while and you make need to work hard and fight many battles but you can overcome it.

Know that you have the power to change the way you think. Many people who grew up in extreme poverty or abusive homes have gone on to become doctors, lawyers, famous writers and inventors. Therefore, know that the same power is within you too.

You can change your life.

This post was all about learning how to overcome self doubt so that you can change your life for the better.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bully and Abuse are The Same

3. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

fake friend definition

Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

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‘Wanna know how to know a fake friend when you see one? Here are the surefire signs of a fake friend that you must know and remember.

fake friend

A fake friend is there to hinder you rather than help you. They try to sabotage your successes out of jealousy and stab you in the back when you aren’t around.

Anytime you’re a victim of bullying, the loneliness sets in quickly and it’s easy to choose the first person who smiles at you as a friend. Sadly, this can compound your trouble if you aren’t careful.

In this post, you will learn all the signs that a person isn’t on the up and up and what you can do to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these indicators, you will be able to spot a fake friend from a mile away and cut off contact before the person can do any damage to your self-esteem.

This post is all about the fake friend and the clues they unknowingly put out to warn you.

Fake Friend

Nefarious people are experts at hiding their evil and they do it under the cover of concern and love. Bullies and fake friends are such people and it can be difficult to spotlight them until it’s too late.

Moreover, after they’ve harmed us, we’re often left shocked and bewildered.

Fortunately, there are signs you can look for if you know what they are. Here’s what you can do to spot frenemies, fakes, and undercover bullies:

1. Always observe the people around you

This is, perhaps, the most important. Watching those around you and reading the room gives you a sneak preview of the personalities you’re likely to deal with and it can save you trouble before it even starts!

Therefore, always observe, without looking like you’re watching, of course. The best way to do this is to use your peripheral vision to scan your environment and the people in it.

You’ll be surprised at how quickly you pick up on others’ moods. Moreover, if there’s an elephant in the room, you’ll sense that as well.

2. Fake friend.

Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context

Actions speak louder than words. Therefore, if the body language of the person you’ll dealing with doesn’t match their words, you might want to rethink your association with them.

Moreover, if the nonverbals don’t align with the situation, you should precede with caution. This next bit of advice goes without saying.

If the persons nonverbal cues show even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes

If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. Also, they may do it when they think you aren’t aware of it.

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. Therefore, if you look for it, you’ll see it.

Here’s what happens sometimes when you’re around fake friends. As you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces. And you’ll usually see it out of the corner of your eye.

Next, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you aren’t only imagining things!

You must realize that this is your gut trying to warn you. Therefore, eighty-six this creep fast!

4. Fake Friend:

Notice the person’s feet

You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think.

Understand that the feet always point in the direction the person want to go. Therefore, put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

This is the last person you want to have a conversation with.

6. Looking at you without blinking

if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

The best thing to do is to mirror the person. In other words, reflect the exact same body language back at them. The reason you do this is to show the bully that they don’t intimidate you one bit and that you can take care of yourself in an altercation if you have to.

7. Fake Friend:

Other signs to look for

Watch for a furrowed brow and one corner of the lip slightly raised. Also, notice any icy, piercing stares or smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes).

If you see any of these signs, you might want to get rid of this person.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away

This is a bad sign. Why? Because, by looking at each other when you walk away, the two people are basically saying to one another, “Wow! Get a load of this guy!”

Again, drop these idiots like a bad habit. They don’t deserve to be in your presence.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly.

In other words, don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. Your fake friend may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

Fake friends and bullies also have ways of weaponizing information that seems innocent. For instance, if you and your partner went to a theater to watch a slasher film, nefarious people can use this to paint you in a bad light. Therefore, be very careful what you reveal.

10. Fake Friend:

Watch for eavesdroppers

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for the fake friend to eavesdrop. In fact, watch out for eavesdroppers. Period.

Moreover, don’t talk near corners or open doors. The world is chock full of nosy people who are just salivating for a juicy story to tell.

Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

Moreover, beware if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation. The best thing to do in this scenario is to take the discussion to a place more private, being sure you aren’t being followed.

Understand that fake friends and bullies will always keep a watchful eye on you. And while they observe you, they will be waiting, with bated breath, for you to screw up and reveal any personal information or secrets.

11. Listen to your gut!

This is perhaps the second most important thing you should do. Your gut feeling is also called your intuition, your instinct, or your sixth sense.

Always trust your gut because it’s your innate, inner alarm that sounds when there’s danger nearby. Also, it is never wrong.

Therefore, if you ever get the sense that something isn’t right about a person, pay close attention. It just might be your gut trying to warn you that this person isn’t good for you and that trouble may be on the horizon if you continue to associate with them.

Moreover, if your so-called friend seems to resent any successes or wins you score, this is a dead giveaway. And they won’t have to say a word. You’ll be able to tell by the look on their face. In fact, your gut will warn you.

Therefore, drop them. Fast!

In Conclusion:

In order to protect yourself, you must keep your eyes and ears peeled and be an avid people-watcher. Moreover, you must also trust your instincts. In other words, your gut!

Understand that trusting your gut, coupled with watching others and being skilled in reading body language will help you to avoid attaching yourself to a fake friend.

As a result, you will be able to avoid any future entanglements with bad people.

Only when you pay attention to other people, will you be able to see behind the masks bullies and fakers wear.

This post was all about the fake friend and the signs you must watch for to avoid them, and, ultimately, save yourself a ton of trouble down the road.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

what is deliberate indifference

Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

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‘Want to know about deliberate indifference and the most common reasons bystanders won’t help victims? These are the proven most common reasons victims of bullying need to be aware of.

deliberate indifference

Being bullies is bad enough but when others blatantly do not care to help you or acknowledge that people are abusing you, it’s much worse. Therefore, as someone who’s been on the receiving end of it, I’m giving you all the details about deliberate indifference.

In this post, you will learn exactly what deliberate indifference is and all the possible reasons bystanders won’t help you when others bully you.

Once you learn this value and life-changing information, you will be better able to take the best recourse to deal with and possibly alleviate your situation.

This post is all about deliberate indifference and bystanders’ reasons for failure to help that every victim of bullying must know.

Deliberate Indifference

You not only never forget the bullies, but you also remember the people who were there- the people who had the power to help you but did nothing.

Many times, the bystanders who see people bully you never try to intervene and stop the attacks, nor do they speak up on your behalf.

As much as I hate to say it, I was guilty of the same thing years ago. When I watched people bully a few others, I said and did nothing. Why? Because I thought that my voice wouldn’t make a difference if I did speak up. Additionally, other times, I was just damn glad that, for a change, bullies weren’t targeting me.

I was relieved that, finally, someone else taking the heat for a change.

For this, I am very remorseful and would like to apologize to all the other targets I left to fend for themselves. I’m truly sorry.

With that said, here’s the deliberate indifference definition:

According to the LSD Law Website, “deliberate indifference is a term used in criminal law to describe a situation where a person is aware of a problem or danger, but chooses to ignore it or take no action to address it. It can also refer to a lack of interest or concern about something.”

https://www.lsd.law/define/deliberate-indifference#:~:text=Definition%3A%20Deliberate%20indifference%20is%20a,interest%20or%20concern%20about%20something.

Although it happens during the commission of a crime, which is why it’s a legal term, it also happens during incidences of bullying as well.

5 Deliberate Indifference: Reasons Bystanders don’t help victims of bullying

1. They’re afraid of arousing the bullies’ anger and becoming the next target.

No one wants to be a target of bullying. I get that. Many bystanders fear getting involved, and for good reasons. However, many bystanders do have some power because they’re high on the social hierarchy.

And the higher they are in the pecking order, the more weight their words and actions carry. In other words, if some of the bystanders are extremely popular, chances are good that other bystanders will follow their lead.

Moreover, it’s more likely that the bully will leave you alone. There’s strength in numbers.

So, why won’t they use their power to help you when you’re being bullied?

It’s because they fear that speaking out in your defense would automatically weaken their social position. In other words, they’re afraid of losing their popularity.

Therefore, they either watch the attacks without doing anything, or worse. They join in, hoping to further raise their social status.

2. The bystanders see the bullies’ torment of you as entertainment.

Understand that bullies always bully you in front of an audience. In other words, bullying you is a performance to them.

Your bullies are performing in pubic to show their superiority, strength, and power. Moreover, they wish to to humiliate and embarrass you.

During altercations between bullies and targets, bystanders immediately gather around to watch it go down. Moreover, most witnesses will stand around, laughing and pointing fingers.

Many of them cheer and egg the bully on, stirring it up to get more entertainment. Consequently, all this does is encourage the bullies to continue and even escalate the abuse.

Sadly, as long as it isn’t them or someone they love getting dogged out or having their brains beat in, most bystanders think it’s funny to see it happen to someone else.

Therefore, instead of helping the target, bystanders will automatically whip out their smartphones and record the confrontation. They can then watch it later, send the film to their friends, and have another big laugh over it.

However, it’s not the least bit funny to you. It’s painful and humiliating. It can be devastating to a if you’ve already been a target of bullying for an extended time. And if you’re not careful, it can drive you over the edge if you let it.

It’s sad when the only entertainment people get is to see someone get hurt. It only goes to show that these people don’t get enough of it otherwise.

3. Deliberate indifference: The bystanders themselves either dislike or hate you.

In many cases, bullies run vicious smear campaigns and turn everyone against you. Therefore, when an altercation finally breaks out, the bystanders refuse to help you. Why?

Because they think you deserve the abuse. It’s heartbreaking. However, in a case like this, the bystanders secretly or openly take pleasure in seeing you suffer.

They may stand around snickering. Moreover, the bystanders may join the bullies in torturing you.

The bystanders are probably too cowardly to attack you or they’re afraid they’ll get into trouble. Therefore, the bullies are proxies to them.

In other words, the bullies are only doing to you what the bystanders wish they had the stones to do themselves

So, they get complete satisfaction in seeing other people stick it to you. Bystanders often hate victims so much that they would defend a total stranger before protecting someone they hate so intensely.

4. They don’t want to get involved.

Many bystanders figure that it’s none of their business and choose not to get involved. Again, many bystanders are afraid of becoming victims themselves if they intervene.

Therefore, they figure it’s much safer to just stay out of it and pretend like they didn’t see anything. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

5. Deliberate indifference: The bystanders are in a rush.

In other words, they feel that they just don’t have the time. They’ve got things to do and helping you would only slow them down.

These bystanders are so indifferent that they won’t even stop and watch. They will only pass by and keep going because they’re in a hurry to get somewhere.

6. some bystanders are notorious gossips and are just there to have a story to tell later.

People who are gossips are notorious cowards. Therefore, they’ll definitely not help you. Instead, they’ll stand back and watch your bullies pummel you. And they’ll watch with glee!

In fact, they’re the nosiest people on the planet! As soon as these people hear the first sign of commotion, they’ll break their necks, rushing to the scene to see what’s happening.

Realize that these are the kinds of people who constantly wait, with bated breath, for any drama to pop off so that they can have juicy gossip to share later.

Moreover, they won’t leave until the confrontation is over because they want to get everything. Then, once the brouhaha is finished. They’ll run and give their friends and others who weren’t there to see it the latest scoop.

And know this about gossips. They do this because it’s the only way they can feel validated and important. As long as they have the latest gossip to spread, they feel good about themselves.

7. They’re sadistic.

Some people just enjoy watching others suffer and seeing the pain on their faces. Moreover, they love seeing emotional reactions, such as crying.

Therefore, this brings us back to reason number two. They get free entertainment from watching bullies bully you.

Whatever the reason they don’t help. Know that they don’t care about you. Period. It’s all about them and what they can get out of it or not get out of it.

However, understand that, no matter what their reasons are,  bystanders who do nothing to stop the attacks only silently support and encourage the bullies. Not many people think about this.

Any abuse you don’t report, you support. And what you tolerate, you encourage. In other words, these bystanders are just as guilty as the bullies who perpetuate the attacks against you.

However, some bystanders either don’t understand or underestimate the power they have, especially in large numbers.

When witnesses speak up for you, the bullies will likely stop and leave you alone. And the sad reality is that, when it comes to bullying, there are too many bystanders and not enough upstanders.

This post was all about deliberate Indifference to give you all the answers as to why bystanders refuse to help victims when bullies attack.

1. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

2. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

5. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

physical bullying definition

Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

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‘Want to know what you should do if you endure physical bullying. Here are the self-protection measures I and many other overcomers of bullying swear by.

physical bullying

Being punched, kicked, choked, and shoved plagues millions of victims in school, at work, in the neighborhood, and in the home each year.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the physical bully. Moreover, you’ll discover the mindset behind this kind of abuse.

Once you learn all about these types of people, you will be better able to protect yourself against them. Here is what you can do if a bully thinks they’re entitled to put their hands on you.

This post is all about physical bullying so that you can know what’s behind it and how to defend against it.

First, let’s learn the exact mindset and motives of this dangerous type of abuse.

The Psychology Behind Physical Bullying

These types of bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

  • “Nobody will listen to me.”
  • “I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”
  • “They don’t value me.”
  • “They don’t respect me.”
  • “I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”
  • “I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

People who use force Are the Weakest of All

However, that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t want the bully to beat them up. In other words, they never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm.

True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. When people have a choice and they choose to do something you want, the result is so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

People who uses Physical bullying often compare themselves with others.

They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate or at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets.

In other words, hese people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. So, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Using this kind of Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.
  • “(The target) is wrong for defying me.”
  • “He never listens to me.”
  • “She never pays attention to me.”
  • “That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

When these people shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  These individuals may look strong and mighty as they’re beating up on some poor helpless human being. However, what they really are is weak.

In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

those who use physical bullying are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, they may be creepy or unattractive and women find them repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

Therefore, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

Should you defend yourself from physical bullying by hitting back?

This seems to be the question on everyone’s mind these days, especially in the notoriously politically correct climate in which we live. The media and politicians vehemently discourage fighting violence with violence.

Moreover, you’ll hear statements from others, such as:

  • “Be the bigger person and walk away.”
  • “Two wrongs don’t make a right?”

I’ve heard them all.

Using more peaceful solutions, walking away from the bully and reporting it sounds good. However, sometimes peaceful solutions don’t work because they won’t let you be peaceful.

If you don’t stand up for yourself, the bully will only continue to come after you and hurt you. Also, everyone who knows you will see you as a punching bag at school or work and everywhere else.

Why? Because when word gets around that one person can hit you and get away with it, everyone else will think they can too. They’ll peg you as the school or the community whipping boy. That’s no way to live.

In the middle of a physical attack, the last resort is the only option you take.

So, How do you respond to it? here it is:

When a bully physically attacks you, you have a God-given, primal, animal right to defend yourself from being harmed. I state this with full conviction!

Therefore, if a bully hits you first, haul off and knock his block off! And when you do, don’t just give him a love pat. Deck the creep with the strength of your entire body- hit so hard that the bully has difficulty getting back up.

Then unleash a hail of hard licks so that he doesn’t get up. Because once the bully gets up, he will charge you!

Yeah. I know it isn’t the “politically correct” thing to do. But when someone is harming you, all that jazz about political correctness and being the bigger person goes out the window, and the gloves are off.

Make physical bullies Not want to put their hands on you ever again!

The only thing you should think of at this point is how to disable the bully. Additionally, you want to give him such a bad memory that he’ll never even think about coming for you again.

You aren’t a troublemaker or a brute for this, folks! It’s called self-defense!

Again, punch the bully’s lights out! School stuff may suspend you from school, and managers may fire you from work. You may even go to jail for a night or two. However, people are much more vicious with physical attacks nowadays.

Furthermore,  if you just let someone smack you around, they’ll only intensify the beatings until they hurt you bad enough to send you to the hospital or worse! And you’d much rather them suspend me, fire me, or take me to jail than to spend a month in the hospital or end up six feet under.

Nevertheless, you may not condone fighting. Although you may need to fight many times in school, you may hate it each time you have to. However, when you’re a 5’4″, 120-pound girl being jumped and most of the time by multiple assailants, it may be your only option.

Also, if you are a small-built male and the attacker is much bigger than you, it’s not the time to play patty-cake. There will be times when you’re boxed in and cannot go anywhere.

When there’s no other choice, it’s either fight or risk your bullies possibly maiming or killing you. Sometimes the last resort is the only way to protect yourself.

You must let the bully know that you’re not the one to mess with and that you aren’t afraid to fight back if necessary.

There will be others who may disagree with this post, and that’s okay. I am very thick-skinned now and rarely do I get offended. I can agree to disagree. But I will do what I have to do to protect my well-being and my life if ever I’m in physical danger.

So, if all else fails, go ahead and whoop that ***!

This post was all about physical bullying and why you should defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

4. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

cognitive dissonance meaning

Cognitive Dissonance: 5 Ways It Plays a Huge Role in Bullying

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Do you want to know about cognitive dissonance and the huge role it has in incidences of bullying. Here we discuss how it leaves you standing alone and perpetuates more bullying.

cognitive dissonance

Sadly, most bystanders, witnesses, and members of authority have cognitive dissonance. Especially when it comes to incidences of bullying in school, the workplace, and in the community. However, it only serves to embolden bullies and abusers. Also, it multiplies the sufferings of victims and targets.

In this post, you will learn all about this psychological mechanism so that you can call it by name.

After you learn about this form of denial, you’ll confidently call it what it is the next time bystanders do nothing and claim they didn’t see your bullies attack you.

So What is Cognitive dissonance?

According to Very Well Mind, it is “the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.”

Human nature dictates that people would rather hold onto their attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs. Therefore, when what they see and hear conflicts with those long-held perceptions, it causes them to feel uncomfortable.

For example, you have a bullied coworker and bullies and their followers have defamed the person for years. Moreover, people at work may have seen the victim break down or snap. And why not? Almost anyone would break under the pressure after suffering relentless bullying for so long.

As a result, the bullies only weaponize the victim’s perfectly normal response and twist it to make it look like the person is a bad person or they need help.

Therefore, everyone else in the company thinks this person is either unhinged or they’re just a terrible person who doesn’t have good temperament. Even worse, they’ve all held those beliefs for years.

Then, one day, someone who really knows the bullied coworker starts working for the company and tells them what a great person the victim really is. The friend will even provide some kind of evidence that proves it.

However, the other workers only get angry at the friend for telling the truth and contradicting their perceptions. They then begin to bully the victim’s friend and escalate the abuse of the victim a hundred fold!

Moreover, the more the friend explains that the victim really is a good person once people at work get to know them, the more the blind coworkers double down in their attitudes. Consequently, they also triple the abuse.

the above scenario is what cognitive dissonance is and what is does.

This psychological defect only comes from pride. In other words, the bullies and everyone else will never admit that they had the victim all wrong.

To admit that they messed up would mean admitting they treated the victim like crap. Moreover, they would risk losing face and possibly their jobs.

This is why the truth angers most people who deny it. And you don’t see CD in only cases of bullying and abuse. You also see it in politics and in family cases of divorce.

Moreover, cognitive dissonance can show up after a bad breakup.

Another example would be back in the 1400s, when people thought the world was flat. After Christopher Columbus discovered that it was round, most people refused to believe it and ridiculed him.

Again,  most people refuse to believe something even if proof of it is right under their noses. In other words, they may see the opposite of their perceptions with their own eyes and still refuse to believe it.

Another Example of Cognitive dissonance

Here’s another example. You’re bullied in school and you come to the office with bruises and cuts all over your face. You report your bullies beat you up in the schoolyard.

The brutes that beat the mess out of you happen to be stars on the football team and college-bound students with stellar grades. Moreover, their families are either big time mobsters or they’re high officials in the city government.

The principal, who admires the bullies and knows their families well, swears up and down that you’re lying. He accuses you of doing it to yourself to make the attackers look bad and get them into trouble. Or, he may accuse you of having someone else beat you up and blaming those innocent bullies for it.

So, you give the names of the other students who stood around watching the entire thing. When the principal calls them all in, they each claim they didn’t see the bullying when you know doggone well they did see it.

You saw them standing around watching as the bullies attacked you. The principal then blames you and gives you a three-day suspension while your assailants get off Scot free.

However, tell the principal that you’re well aware of the cognitive dissonance everyone has. Then watch his chin hit the floor as the shock grabs him by the boo-boo!

You’ll practically hear him thinking, “Where the hell did this kid learn that?”

What happens when you meet one of your bullies at the ten-year reunion?

You meet your bully or bullies at the ten-year reunion with your spouse and children. You’re civil to them. Then you tell your family that these people bullied you in school but you rose above it.

Your bullies hear this and respond with denial, anger, or indignation.

Or,  you see them at the reunion and they bully you again, in front of your family. Moreover, they throw subtle digs at your spouse and kids because your spouse tells some of the classmates that you’re such a great husband/wife and that you couldn’t have picked a better life partner.

The point to this story is this.

Bullies don’t want to notice anything about you that forces them to remember that you are generally a good person.  They don’t want to see proof that you are respected and very well-loved.

In other words, your bullies will deny that you’re a kind and thoughtful person and not deserving of brutal treatment.

And they for sure don’t want to remember that they were the ones who made school hell for you and caused you so much pain. In fact, they refuse to see you as a human being, deserving of the same rights and considerations as everyone else.

The reason why bullies do NOT want to see these things is that it would only prick at their consciences and make them feel dirty!

Cognitive dissonance: this bares repeating

Regardless of the facts, of what you say or do, or of your intentions, your bullies will take everything out of context. Moreover, they will misconstrue and spin it to support their narratives, whatever they may be.

Deep down inside, your bullies, their followers, your former friends who have been turned against you- they all know that you’re a great person.

Believe me, they are very much aware of your kindness, your big heart, and of your potential, only they would never in this lifetime admit it. Because to admit it would be to convict themselves.

Admission of your positive qualities would be an admission of their guilt! That they were in the wrong and that they are a bunch of cruel monsters!

Therefore, to save face and not feel like total scumbags, they can’t afford to acknowledge the truth. Because, again, to do so would be to demonize themselves.

And you can bet that if you happen to run into one or more of your former bullies from school or work at the supermarket, the gas station, or anywhere else in public, they will automatically turn their heads and walk away- fast!

However, you must understand where it all comes from.

Don’t feel rejected. And don’t feel the least bit upset about it. You must see it for what it is, and what it is, is guilt! It’s nothing personal.

Realize that each time they see your face, it only reminds them of the horrible things they did to you in the past, and they feel dirty!

No one wants to feel dirty.

Therefore, when this happens to you, don’t let it shake you. Don’t feel rejected because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Moreover, they’re trying to bury feelings of shame and they’re afraid you might expose them.

just smile when your old bullies turn and run.

Because that’s what they’re doing. They feel very uncomfortable around you. Therefore, you have power over them now. Why? Because the very sight of you intimidates the hell out of them. Guilt is a very powerful but uncomfortable emotion and it can cut a person to the quick.

However, bullies with NPD may not feel this guilt as most people with this disorder don’t. They may give you dirty looks instead. But still, you have power over them otherwise, they wouldn’t even waste the energy of a look. Instead, they’d just go on their marry way.

This post was all about cognitive dissonance so that you can confidently call it out when you see it. Moreover, you can take advantage of your bullies’ discomfort by using it as a self-esteem booster.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

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‘Want to know about school choice and why it’s a godsend if people bully you or your child at school? Here are the reasons school choice is essential for bullied children and teens.

school choice

School Choice is an absolute must for bullied children and teens. Without it, targets would be stuck in a school that hates them.

Moreover, they’d be trapped in a cycle of bullying and abuse with no way to escape. Also, the bullies would be even further emboldened because they would know that their targets couldn’t get away.

It’s a dark side of human nature that, if bullies know you’re trapped, they have a strong sense of glee and become more brazen. Then there’s no limit to how far they’ll take the abuse.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about school choice. In that, you’ll find out that, if you’re one of those unfortunate children and teens who suffer severe bullying at school, there is a way out. In other words, you have an escape available.

Once you learn all of this important information, you will be excited. Also, you’ll want to tell your parents and they’ll be more compelled to take the next step to transfer you to a safer and healthier school, where you can flourish!

So, what is school choice?

It is a program that allows families to use public money to access schools beyond their local school district. This includes private schools and, in some areas, home school options.

In other words, school choice is about giving families the ability to choose which schools to send their children to whether or not they can afford it.

This is a beacon of hope for bullied children! Why?

It’s because school choice would give kids the right to choose the school they want to attend regardless of their zip code. However, as of now, zoning legalities trap bullied kids in toxic learning environments.

They keep bullied victims stuck in schools, where their cries for help go ignored by school officials. Moreover, they must endure under the thump of adults who only refuse to acknowledge that they have a culture of bullying at their beloved schools.

These school staff members sweep incidences under the rug and hide evidence of bullying (like camera footage) from parents. Also, they take sides with the bullies, blaming targeted kids for abuse they suffer at the hands of their classmates.

School choice would allow a bullied child easier transfer.

School Choice Vouchers.

The state gives these parents vouchers, which are redeemable in the same amount the state funds the schools per child. Therefore, the parents can take their bullied child out of the dangerous school and, with the voucher, send them to a safe school.

The awesome part is that their child will finally be able to escape the bullies of the old school and start fresh at a new, safe school with a clean slate. Moreover, they will be able to put their best foot forward and make friends at the new school.

Most importantly, they will likely learn better and flourish there. As a result, grades and class performance will skyrocket!

However, teacher’s Unions are dead set against it. But why?

Here are a few reasons:

1. Teachers and schools get funding for each child in attendance per day.

This means that schools will have to compete for these children. No school district likes it when bullied children leave because, with each child who transfers out, they lose funding.

Therefore, sadly, schools tend to care more about the funding than they do the children in this day and  time. And they care even less about the children if they’re victims of bullying.

2. Teachers Unions Oppose School Choice. Why? Because they want to monopolize students and don’t want the competition.

Teacher’s unions have the same attitude. Again, school Choice would give schools and teachers competition for students, and therefore, state funds. Money does corrupt.

3. The handful of bad apples in the educational field (i.e. bullying teachers and school officials may not admit it, but they don’t want to lose their power and control over bullied children.

And if these children start switching schools, bullying school officials will no longer have power over these kids. Therefore, they will need to search for other targets even if they must eat their own. It’s just how bullies are. It’s all about power.

Every child deserves the right to attend a school in which they feel safe. Moreover, they deserve to learn in a school that values them as human beings.

They also deserve to attend a school where they can finally have dignity and respect. And they deserve to learn in an environment where they can grow and flourish without any disruptions.

There are entirely too many special interest groups who wish to squash school choice. In other words, they would rather monopolize our children and grandchildren.

Again, this is all about having power over bullied kids and lining their pockets. It only goes to show that, in the minds of school officials, money and power take priority over the safety and security of children and teens.

This must stop…yesterday!

4. School Choice: Schools tend to take it personally when bullied kids transfer out.

I’ve heard and read stories from parents who’ve transferred their children. The people in the community begin mistreating them for either sending their children to schools outside the community or homeschooling them.

In other words, because these families went against “the system,” the locals either harassed or ostracized them. In worse cases, truancy officers have paid these families visits, even though their child was in a school in another town.

Therefore, it isn’t uncommon for school districts to retaliate against parents who take advantage of the School Choice Program. And if the child in question was bullied in the former school and had their reputations ruined because if it, all the worse.

Therefore, this should tell you that this is all about trying to keep power over the child and the family.

Nevertheless, if your child endures bullying at school, do take advantage of the program.

In other words, fight for the safety of your child even if the school district throws everything and the kitchen sick at you. Expect to get push back from them.

But know that your child is worth it. And I promise you that they will thank you for it later. And why not? By transferring them out of a toxic school, you saved them years of suffering at school.

On the other hand, if victims of bullying aren’t allowed to leave a toxic school, they only suffer day by day.

Without school choice, the psychological impact on victims will be devastating.

Victims of bullying will continue to go to school in fear rather than with the excitement of learning. Their grades will plummet because they’ll be too busy looking over their shoulders rather than concentrating on schoolwork.

Each year, bullied victims die either by their own hand, or at the hands of their bullies because they’re stuck in a school that ignores their cries for help. Also, those that maintain their will to live go through school in fear and struggle with large amounts of mental and physical stress.

Moreover, the constant living in survival mode will exhaust them, which is another reason their academic performance will suffer. Who can learn when they’ll constantly having to fight their way through school?

Most families simply cannot afford to move to a new town. Moreover, they don’t have the funds to transfer their bullied children out of toxic schools and into safe schools where they can learn in peace.

However, school choice would make the transfer of bullied children to safer schools possible. With school choice, bullied children and teens everywhere would have the opportunity to escape their bullies and move on to better learning environments where they can thrive, grow, and flourish!

What School Officials must focus on

Therefore, school boards and teachers’ unions need to stop thinking only about themselves and begin thinking about the welfare of the kids. Moreover, they need to focus on protecting bullied children regardless of what it may do to their pocketbooks.

Just as we would take an abused child out of an abusive home, we should also provide the option of school choice to take bullied kids out of schools with a culture of bullying. It won’t just save them years of pain and the probability of having to look back on a traumatic school experience, it could also save their lives!

This post is all about school choice and why it’s essential for bullied children and teens. Moreover, It’s about the awesome benefits it offers all children whose families take advantage of it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy;

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

how to disarm a bully at school

How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

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‘Want to know how to disarm a bully so that you can keep your personal power and maintain your dignity? As someone who has overcome bullies this way, I’m giving you the most powerful comebacks that every target of bullying must know about.

how to disarm a bully

Verbal and emotional bullying poisons the minds and the lives of so many victims each year. But what if you could instantly come back with a quick, calm jab? One that throws your bullies off balance, while preserving your dignity, self-esteem, and personal power?

You’re going to learn how to disarm a bully with calm and smart, but ego-deflating comebacks that will leave you standing strong and your bullies, stunned.

Once you learn all these empowering comebacks, you will be ready for any insult, zinger, or smart remark any bullies hurl your way.

This post is all about how to disarm a bully so that you can buffer yourself from even subtle verbal attacks and battle bullying with confidence and poise.

How to disarm a bully

Lets face it, bullies are creative and inventive when it comes to hurling insults and subtle jibes. Moreover, they have a flare for delivering the most brutal and humiliating burns.

Worse even, bullies often do it in public to humiliate you in front of everyone and their mother. Therefore, they blindside you, leaving you shocked, speechless, mortified, and desperately trying to think up a good comeback.

Fortunately, here are a few comebacks you can you use to disarm these brutes and throw them into a tailspin.

1. “Someone must have really hurt you in your past.”

This shifts the blame where it belongs. Onto the bully. By implying that they are an angry, bitter person, you softly and subtly jab them with an insulting comeback without being too noticeable.

In that, you keep your power and make the bully appear weak in front of others while keeping your dignity and self-respect. This little zinger keeps you on the winning end while exposing the bully for the miserable individual they really are. YAY, YOU!

2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This comeback allows you to apologize without accepting any blame. Moreover, it implies that the bully is the one with the problem and not you.

Therefore, use this comeback when a toxic person calls you a name or hurls an insult.

3. How to Disarm a Bully:

Come back with, “You must have a pretty miserable life.”

Like comeback number 1, this keeps the negative spotlight on the bully by implying that they have no control over their life. Moreover, it suggests that they are only trying to compensate for it by trying to control how you feel about yourself.

Ouch!

It saves your dignity while making the bully look like a weak little punk. Therefore, you win with this little dig because you preserve your personal power.

4. “You don’t have to behave like this to impress people.”

Yikes! With this comeback, you imply that the bully is trying to show out. And a show-off is an insecure person who isn’t happy just being themselves.

In other words, you call the bully a poser without actually using those words. You put the obnoxious person in their place while keeping your dignity.

You little wiseacre, you! Way to go!

5. “Does it make you feel bigger to act like a jerk or are you trying to impress people?”

With this comeback, you more directly call the bully out on their behavior. Moreover, you plant the seed in the minds of anyone around that they either don’t feel good about themselves unless they’re making others feel badly, or they’re trying to show off.

In that, you deflate the bully’s ego. And, if there’s an audience around, all the better for you and worse for the person trying to put you down.

6. How to Disarm a Bully:

“There are other ways of getting attention besides being a (jerk, asshole, etc.).”

Ouch! You’re directly saying that your instigator is trying to get attention. And attention-seekers are pathetic! All the while, you keep your power and your dignity.

Moreover, others will snicker at the bully when you deliver this little stinger.

7. “I wonder what happened to you that turned you into such a (jerk, heel, etc.).”

With this comeback, you imply that the bully is weak and powerless while empowering yourself.

8. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. But that person wasn’t me.”

Again, you make the bully look weak and powerless while making them look miserable and bitter too. Two insults in one!

Moreover, you make yourself look like the smarter person and maintaining your dignity.

9. How to disarm a bully:

“Someone must have really screwed you over in the past. Otherwise you wouldn’t be this angry, bitter person.”

As with the others, you shift blame back to the bully while keeping your dignity. Moreover, you do it by implying that the bully is bitter because someone made them feel powerless and insignificant in the past.

This is how you put bullies in their place without name-calling. You insult them with a softer touch. Good job!

10. How to disarm a bully:

“You’re not a very happy person, are you?”

This is the way to ensure that any blame stays where it belongs. On the bully! This comeback implies that the bully is a miserable soul that can only achieve happiness by insulting others.

Moreover, you make them look powerless over their own lives while maintaining control over your own reactions.

11. “I’m sorry you’re so unhappy.”

With this comeback, you achieve the same results as with number 10.

12. “I’m so sorry you feel so small.”

Ouch! You imply that the bully feels weak and that the only way they can feel strong is to make you feel bad about yourself. Great job!

13. How to disarm a bully:

“Relax. Take a break. You don’t have to work so hard to make people like you.”

Again, OUCH! With this little stinger, you imply that your bully is simping for approval. Therefore, you call them a simp without using the words while empowering yourself.

Note:

These comebacks also work best when done in public, in front of bystanders and witnesses. Therefore, have fun! Because delivering good comebacks to bullies in front of an audience is pretty doggone fun!

But most importantly, it helps you keep your power while prompting the bully to think twice before messing with you again.

How to disarm a bully with body language:

1. When a bully cuts their eyes at you

Return the gesture. Moreover, if she tries to stare you down, never look away because she will only take that as fear. Then, from then on, you’ll be her new source of power.

Therefore, always glare back without blinking and stand with your feet apart and arms akimbo to take up some space. This is known as a “power pose.”

You may have to stand that way and stare for a while if she sees your response as a challenge. However, if you hold your position long enough, she’ll finally get tired and move on.

Understand that any time a person uses this type of body language toward you without provocation, they are clearly saying that they’re superior to you and attempting to dominate you.

So, always, always reciprocate any dirty looks and dominate or intimidating body language. Assert your power this way, and soon, the bully will get the message that you’re confident, fearless, and not one she should mess with.

How to disarm a bully:

It’s not what you say, it’s what you do.

In short, it’s not what you say. It’s what you do. Nonverbal communication is around ninety percent of communication. Talk is cheap, and if your words don’t match your body language, bullies will pick up on it, and they will eat you alive!

If you’re the timid type, there are plenty of books you can read to learn confident body language and power pose. Once you read, practice, and learn what nonverbal cues convey power, you must practice those poses until they become comfortable to you.

Remember that bullies always target someone they perceive to be lacking in confidence, timid, and insecure because that person is least likely to fight back. To look confident, fearless, and secure, practice open body language.

Again, stand with your feet apart and arms uncrossed (crossed arms are closed body language and make you look insecure and untrustworthy). When a bully confronts you, never look down or away.

Always look the bully in the eye, and she will see that you aren’t afraid and likely move on to someone else.

In other words, mirror any hostile body language you get from bullies to disarm them. Why? Because they won’t expect that response from you and it will shock them into not toying with you again.

This post was about how to disarm a bully so that you can maintain your power and keep your dignity.

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

examples of social bullying

Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

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Would you like to know several social bullying examples and the reasons bullies try to turn everyone against you? As someone who’s been affected in the past, I’m giving you all the details about social bullying.

social bullying examples

Social bullying leaves it’s victims stripped of not only friends and supporters, but sometimes family members as well. If this is happening to you, then you’re doing all you can to research this type of bullying. Therefore, I’m giving you all the details and social bullying examples so that you’ll be able to name what is happening to you and protect yourself.

You will learn all the ins and outs of social bullying and what you can do to lessen it’s effects.

Once you learn all the aspects of social bullying, you will be able to call it out by name and defend yourself properly against it from now on.

This post is all about social bullying examples and will give you the tiny details about this insidious type of bullying.

social bullying examples

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Social bullies wreck your good standing in a school, workplace, or community by way smear campaigns of lies, rumors, and gossip.

Before we get into the details and examples, let’s first discuss why bullies attack your reputation and relationships. In other words, what do these bullies have to gain from sabotaging your social connections?

What are the psychological payoffs they get from doing this? Here’s are your answers.

Simply put, bullies attack your relationships and reputation to strip you of power. Once they kill your reputation and break apart your relationships, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.

In other words, social bullies turn people against you to isolate you. Understand that isolation weakens your position in the social world and leaves you wide open for attack.

Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. And they can do it without risk of others coming to your defense and holding the bullies accountable.

When everyone turns against you, they’ll no longer support and protect you. Therefore, you’re at the mercy of virtually anyone who decides to bully you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

First, Bullies Destroy your reputation.

How? By rumors, lies, and defamation.

In the beginning, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

Additionally, bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because you can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. You could deny the rumors. Moreover, you could even produce evidence that proves your innocence of the accusations.

2. You could ignore the lies and blow your accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at you with suspicion.

Social bullying examples: The mechanics of social bullying

1. If you defend yourself and produce evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

2. If you ignore the lies and wave your accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of you. Why? Because they’ll think that you have something to hide and are only playing it cool.

Moreover, social bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get you enraged and rattled. So much so that while defending yourself, you end up making a truckload of mistakes out of nervousness.

This works even better if you haven’t yet established a reputation. Because the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor. However, even if you do have a good reputation initially, the bullies will most likely destroy it because people tend to think the worst of others.

What happens once bullies have destroyed your good name?

Your damaged reputation meets people before you do.

Consequently, this brings loss of opportunities to meet new people. In other words, you lose the ability to move on with new friends.

When bullies and their followers have unjustly slandered or libeled you, even total strangers will no doubt hear of you. Therefore, there’s a strong chance that, by the time you meet them, they will already have their minds made up about you.

Sadly, this is one feature of bullying that crosses very few people’s minds.

Social bullying examples: invisible enemies

What’s even scarier is that you are left completely defenseless against the attacks of strangers. In other words, when you haven’t the slightest idea who your enemies are, how do you know who to watch out for?

Moreover, how do you know who to avoid? It’s impossible to protect yourself from invisible enemies.

This is often the case once bullies have unjustly used smear campaigns against you. It is a situation which is even more dangers because you are walking blind!

You cannot see the enemy. Someone could walk right up to you on the street, in broad daylight, and you wouldn’t know.  Moreover, they could have a weapon hidden on them and you would never know of their intent to hurt or kill you until it was too late.

It will feel as if you’re fighting ghosts.

For example, we lost the Vietnam War because we didn’t know who the enemy was. We didn’t know exactly who was or wasn’t on our side!

Reputation is the decider of merit.

Your reputation will always decide the credit you get even from actions that are innocent. In other words, two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way.

And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler, It’s not what you do. It’s who others perceive you to be when you do it.

It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

Here’s the rub. A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings us to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything! A bad reputation, regardless of whether you deserve it, sets you up to fail.

 However, there’s hope!

Social bullying examples

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how:

1. Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind. However, if you stay in the community where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward.

You may wonder why this is.

It’s because, sadly, the social bullying has gone on for so long that your reputation in the community has become ironclad. Consequently, there isn’t much you can do to change things once something has gained that kind of strength.

In other words, you’ll always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures and better opportunities?

Again, the best you can do to better your life is to move away and get a fresh start in a new town. It will be the only way you will find happiness and stability.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and one you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. You and these people will already have common ground.

The cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

3. when your friends turn against you because of your bullies’ Lies, have nothing more to do with them.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, then believes the lies of social bullies does not deserve your friendship. Also, they were probably never your friend to begin with.

Therefore, walk away from them and reject them if they come back around. This is how you value yourself. It’s how you protect yourself and treat yourself well.

A true friend would never believe any lies and rumors about you. Moreover, they would have enough respect for you to ask you before making such snap judgements.

This post was all about social bullying examples, the mechanics of social bullying, and what you can do to lessen or alleviate the negative affects of it on your life.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

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With many victims, the bullying they suffer is a vicious  and continuous cycle. Now you might ask, “What do you mean? How can bullying become a cycle?” Here’s how.

the cycle of bullying

Bullies often stick victims in a cycle in which they can’t escape. And when bullies know that the victim is trapped, that’s when they know they have them where they want them. Therefore, you must know how bullying is a cycle that only repeats itself.

In this post, you will learn all about the cycle of bullying. Moreover, you will learn how victims get stuck and how bullies take advantage of it.

After you learn how that cycle repeats itself, you will be prompted to take steps to either take care of yourself or escape the environment altogether.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can recognize when you’re stuck in it and find ways to remedy your situation.

The cycle of Bullying

Let’s describe it like this.

A victim is selected and is bullied relentlessly. Every morning, she arrives at school others only greet her with a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, and ridicule. Moreover, they force her to endure physical assaults and beatings.

Nevertheless, she holds up for a year or two, trying to be strong and brave. She manages to remain calm and cool, and seems to do quite well at it.

However, the bullies are relentless because they want so badly for her to react the way they want her too. So, they escalate the attacks and the abuse becomes more frequent and intense.

It is as if they are trying to bring her down. And the truth is, they are.

The Breaking Point

Finally, so many of her peers have bullied her so much for so long that they finally succeed in driving her to the breaking point.

The target either attempts suicide or has a breakdown of some sort. Maybe she breaks down crying and her sobs are so deep and so uncontrollable that she can’t stop crying. It’s as if a dam has burst and the raging torrent of tears continues to pour forth.

In fact, she’s crying so hard her entire body shakes, quakes, and writhes.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Psychological Treatment and progress of the victim

The victim is admitted to a treatment center for severe depression. She stays there for a couple of months.

 Moreover, while she’s there, she makes progress. She opens up about the bullying she suffers, and people listen. In the treatment center, she is safe.

The victim makes friends out of the other kids there and of the staff as well. They all support her, and she begins to feel good about herself again. Therefore, it seems like she’s beginning to heal and get better.

A couple of months go by and for the first time since she left the bullying environment and arrived at the treatment center, the bullying victim feels like herself again.

She feels re-empowered.

The Victim’s Release and return to the same place that made her sick

The center finally discharges the victim. However, she must return to school, back to the same people who made her sick to begin with.

As soon as she goes back to school, she’s nervous because she knows what’s waiting for her. Moreover, although the others at school can’t prove where she’s been, they can figure it out.

Now there’s the mental health stigma hanging over her. Therefore, the bullies instantly use it against her and only pick up where they left off.

They begin mobbing her again. Additionally, even a few teachers and the principal look down on her, just like before.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The Bullies, Student Body, and Teachers only pick up where they left off.

The principal warns her aloud, in the crowded hall, as she’s changing classes. He says to the victim, “I’m going to be watching you closely.”

Even worse, he tells her this in front of the other students where they can overhear.

The victim continues to behave well. However, the principal, a few teachers, and the student body, view her with suspicion. Instead of acknowledging and encouraging her success, the principal and teachers only continue to let her know that she’s on their radar.

The two months away in the treatment center was intended to help her get well and put her life back together.  Moreover, returning to school was supposed to be a chance to start over.

The School Only Uses Mental Health Stigma to Undo Any Progress the victim has made.

But the school has only branded the victim a mental case. As a result, some of the teachers and the principal, knowingly or unknowingly, begin the process of undoing all the progress this girl has made.

What they should do is pull her aside and tell her in private that they are watching her, but that they admire her for getting help and trying to turn her life around.

However, their justification for their emotional abuse is that it’s to protect the other students who fit in to what’s “normal” and who obey the rules.

In other words, they use this justification to defend the emotional abuse they inflict on the victim and continue to single her out for humiliation.

Therefore, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The school only justifies their abuse and continues to discriminate based on mental health.

The girl’s “loony bin trip” now follows her around like a stalking wildcat. School officials either don’t realize or don’t care about the impact their attitudes and prejudices have on young students.

Therefore, bullies begin the evil process again. They begin trying to break this girl down for a second time.

So, the victim continues to hide her emotions. Therefore, she continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying she suffers isn’t such a big deal.

She does her level best to stay strong and hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. Why? Because she knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it.

They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.

Fighting a Losing Battle

Therefore, she holds up for as long as she can. But the reality is that no one can hold up under that kind of pressure for long.

But she continues to stuff her emotions deep down inside, even though it’s tearing her up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see her stoicism as a challenge.

Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break this girl and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.

Then, once again, it happens! The victim has another breakdown. After all, no one can bury all that pain forever.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Return to the treatment center

The doctors admit her to the treatment center for the second time. A few months pass and she gets the help she needs.

Again, she is in a safe environment. Therefore, she speaks again about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her support and she begins to heal and get better.

After some time at the center, they finally send her home and her parents take her back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once she’s back, the bullies have a go at her once again.

Why? Because the poor target is trapped in a school she isn’t safe in. And chances are, she will break down and only return to the treatment center a third time.

Therefore, here’s the cycle.

The victim endures bullying and she has a breakdown. She then goes somewhere and gets help, then heals and gets released. She returns to the same toxic environment and the bullies start the process of breaking her until they succeed and she returns to the center.

Therefore, the cycle replays itself again and again.

The Cycle of Bullying:

To Resolve this problem, the victim will need to transfer schools.

In cases like this, targets must be either transfer to a new school or home school, otherwise, the cycle only continues.

Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to transfer him before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. Moreover, it worked!

His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!

Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a target suffers bullying and it morphs into a pattern. Why, because once people grow comfortable with bullying a certain victim, it will only intensify.

Moreover, if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up returning to the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the toxic school.

It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school. Moreover, it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can understand the cyclical nature of bullying and peer abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

2. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

3. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone