inside the bullied brain

The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

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‘Want to know what happens in the bullied brain? Here are the changes that happen in the brain of a bullied person that you need to know about.

the bullied brain

Prolonged bullying can cause actual changes in the brains of it’s victims. And these changes aren’t good.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullied brain and the exact changes that victims’ brain goes through.

Once you learn all about these negative brain changes, you will be able to better describe how bullying has changed you. Also, you will be more motivated to take the steps needed to protect your mind from vicious bullies.

This post is all about the bullied brain and why it’s important for you not only to protect your your mind from bullying.

The Bullied Brain

Bullying and Changes in the Brain

As we know, bullying can cause victims lots of trauma. However, bystanders also suffer a degree of trauma as well, just by witnessing it.

For now, let’s talk about what bullying does to targets, since it affects them the most.

Any form of psychological trauma, whether it comes from combat, rape, or bullying, changes the physiology of the brain.

Furthermore, it reprograms the brain’s alarm system. It also causes a sharp increase in stress hormones.

Put simpler, it changes the way the brain distinguishes real information from fake information. And lastly it comes more difficult for the brain to tell the difference between information that relevant and that which is irrelevant.

Because of these changes, you become hyper-vigilant. In fact, some victims and survivors become so much so that they cannot function day to day.

Once you’ve suffered enough trauma, you may have difficulty learning from experience. As a result, you may often repeat the same destructive behaviors. This is why others often accuse you of being a “bad” person.

Also, others may label you as lazy, stubborn, immoral, and having bad character.

1. Bullying rewires Your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

You must understand that this is what happens when people bully you for long periods of time.  It will rewire your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

 In other words, you will have difficulty trusting people. You’ll come to only expect hostility from them.

Moreover, people may accuse you of being lazy when you’re only dealing with “learned helplessness.” And learned helplessness is a common result of repeated and prolonged bullying and verbal abuse.

Also, others may accuse you of being defiant and stubborn when you’re actually shutting down.

Moreover, they may also accuse you of hotheadedness or craziness when you’re actually defending yourself. Or, you could be experiencing the release of pinned up rage.

This sudden out-pour of raw emotions often results from being abused, then silenced and punished for speaking out and defending yourself.

2. The bullied brain:

Prolonged and Repeated Bullying and Abuse Causes Learned Helplessness.

If you suffer repeated bullying and abuse, you may have no way of defending yourself. Moreover, certain circumstances may leave you with no way of fleeing and escaping the bullying and toxic environment.

Learned helplessness doesn’t only come from repeated bullying and abuse. It also comes from feelings of entrapment.

In other words, it’s caused from feeling powerless to do anything to better your situation.

For example, if a group of bullies lock the door of the bathroom and surrounds you, they block any escape. They then hold you down as they attack you.

This is likely to cause “learned helplessness.”

Here’s another example. You report the bullying to the school principal or teacher. But instead of helping you, the school staff only blame you and refuse to help.

Then, the next day, the bullies retaliate and beat you to a pulp for snitching. Even worse, this happens several times until you finally give up trying to take care of yourself.

Thus, you develop learned helplessness.

Battered Wife Syndrome: Another example of the Bullied Brain

A battered wife is constantly threatened by her abusive husband. He tells her that, if she leaves, he will take the children from her, or kill her, or worse, kill her entire family.

As a result, she feels trapped in an abusive marriage with no way out. Therefore, she is likely to develop battered wife syndrome, which is another form of learned helplessness.

Understand that it’s not so much the bullying and abuse that causes this condition. There have been many abused and bullied people who have escaped their situations.

They later became highly independent, healthy, and successful people.

What causes learned helplessness is the inability to oppose or escape the abuse. In other words, you develop learned helplessness when bullies and abusers block you from any possible paths of escape.

Why? Because you have no other recourse than to take the abuse quietly just to survive.  That is what causes “learned helplessness.”

This also happens when you have no one to turn to for help. When no one will listen to or believe you, the condition of learned helplessness has a strong chance of developing.

3. You become exhausted and lose the will to fight back.

When people bully you, it can be extremely exhausting. Understand that bullies know this. Therefore, they’ll deliberately wear you down to take the fight out of you. Then, they can take control over your life.

At first, you may defend yourself, fiercely asserting your rights to human dignity, respect and safety. However, most bullies don’t recognize human rights.

 They only see your acts of self-defense and self-protection as a threat to their power. Therefore, they only double down.

In other words, your bullies intensify the hatred and abuse to keep you fighting until they mentally and physically exhaust you.

You finally become so tired that you lose your will to fight back. You then decide that it’s much easier just to give up.

4. The Bullied Brain:

You lose the ability to recognize mistreatment.

When you’re used to being treated well, you can see bullying more clearly. Therefore, you know the difference when it happens.

However, after you endure bullying for so long, the lines get blurred, and you lose the ability to see aggression so clearly. This happens especially if the hostility is subtle.

Finally, you reach a point where you don’t recognize abuse at all!

5. Bullies condition you to accept bad behavior from others.

After bullies have verbally abused you for so long, you begin to believe their words. In other words, bullies have abused you until you finally start to believe that you somehow deserve it.

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly abused you and prevented you from defending yourself.

Put another way, they have drummed into your head that you are worthless. Moreover, they have repeated that lie over and over until you begin to believe it too.

6. The Bullied Brain:

You begin to punish yourself.

You do this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. you may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate you. Moreover, you may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

7. You contemplate suicide.

After bullies have tormented you for so long, the torture can reach a point to where you think of suicide. It’s not that you want to die, per se. However, when people constantly bully you without stopping, you may feel that dying is the only way to make it stop.

The Bullied Brain: Understand that Bullying is One Big PsyOp

Think about it. Governments and their military use psyop operations by starting propaganda campaigns. When bullies employ smear campaigns and verbal abuse against you, it is the equivalent of a government propaganda campaign but on a much smaller scale.

Therefore, understand that propaganda campaigns and smear campaigns are pretty much the same and they both have the same purpose. To demoralize the enemy.

When people bully you, they consider you the enemy and want to demoralize you. Therefore, you must realize that, if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.

The Bullied Brain:

Here’s How Bullies Attempt to demoralize you.

Bullies will tell you things, such as:

  • “You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”
  • “No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”
  • “You can’t fight against us.”
  • “You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”
  • “You’ll never win that contest.”
  • “You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements mean to mentally subdue you. In other words, they force you to give up your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse.

Understand that your bullies must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them. And once they do, you’ll give up on yourself and allow them to just walk all over you.

In Conclusion:

Understand that you must take care of your mental health and self-esteem if you want to avoid these results in the future.

Therefore, make sure you have friends outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to. Also, turn to supportive family members for help.

Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance everything out by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences. You must cultivate these relationships even if they’re outside the bullying environment.

This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

This Post is all about the bullied brain and why you should take steps to protect your mind just as you would your body

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

5. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

bullying support group

Bullying Support: 7 Resources You Can Reach Out to

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Bullying support groups and organizations are life savers for victims of bullying. Therefore, if you or a loved one is suffering from bullying, gaslighting, and abuse, I want you to know that there are people and organizations you can reach out to.

bullying support

When bullies target you at school or in the workplace, a support system can be the difference between suicide and the will to live. I tell you this from experience.

Sadly today, there are people who don’t consider the damage bullying does to victims because most people don’t like to acknowledge it. Many people simply do not want to know that bullying even exists.

Moreover, many victims suffer in silence because they’re either afraid their bullies will retaliate or they’re too ashamed to admit that they’re victims. Another reason is that much of society is still under the misguided belief that bullying is “a right of passage” – a “normal occurrence that all kids go through.”

This is simply not true.

There is nothing normal about it, and no, the majority of kids don’t endure long-term bullying. Only about a third. And even this estimate is probably much higher because much of the bullying people endure goes unreported.

What you will learn:

In this post, you will learn about the bullying support resources available when you have nowhere else to turn.

Once you learn about all these people and groups, you will be better able to get the help you need.

This post is all about the bullying resources available to you so that you can get the help you need to either fight, face, or heal from the bullying. Know that you are not alone and that there are people out there who care.

Bullying Support

Bullying destroys the lives of millions worldwide every year. Moreover, those who haven’t experienced it still hold the belief that bullying is just a normal part of life. Regardless of what they think, bullying is one of the biggest morale killers.

Therefore, you may think that speaking up about it is out of the question.

Truth be known, you’re more than likely afraid that if you do speak up, others will shame you for it. They may tell you to toughen up. And maybe they did when you tried to tell them what was happening to you.

So, you toughened up. You started fighting back and defending yourself, only for others to blame you, accusing you of being the perpetrator.

As a result, the school principal suspended or expelled you. Or, maybe your were a bullied adult in the workplace and your supervisor fired you because you stood up to the bully.

In a nutshell, there still isn’t enough support for victims of bullying even today. How many child,  teen, and adult suicides could we prevent if we simply put the word out that help is available

Moreover, how many could we’ve prevented decades ago. Unfortunately, that’s an answer we’ll never know because those victims aren’t alive to tell their stories today.

I can only speculate that it was more than likely well over half of all suicides and I’m confident in that guess.

Therefore, if you’re a parent or guardian, listen to your child and take steps to support and protect your son, daughter, or grandchild.

If you’re a teacher and a child or teen comes to you and opens up about the bullying they suffer, please do not trivialize their pain nor rebuff them. Reach out to them and give them a listening ear.

Let this precious human being know that you’re there for them.

If you’re a supervisor or manager, please, listen for the sake of not only the target, but for that of your company. Companies lose millions per year as a result of workplace bullying. Therefore, it’s much more profitable to do the right thing than it is to ignore it or to blame the target.

1. Bullying Support Groups and Therapists

There are millions of support groups of other bullying victims and survivors. Many of the leaders of these groups have also endured bullying. Therefore, do research and see if there is one in your area. These groups are so beneficial because you’ll be together with people who’ve had the same experiences.

Moreover, you will be in a safe place to talk about what’s happening to you and get everything off your chest. The best part is that the members of the other group will listen and they will offer moral support. You will be among friends.

Moreover, a therapist will be able to help you. They can be a good source for counseling to repair your self-esteem and overall mental health.

They can also give you tips on how to handle a bully.

2. Martial Arts Schools

Martial Arts school are great because, not only do they teach you how to defend yourself, they also teach you how to think on your feet. Moreover, many MA schools have classes on how to deal with bullies.

The best part is that martial arts also teaches you to have confidence and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Therefore, if it’s feasible for you, think about joining a martial arts class.

Note: Just don’t tell anyone that you’re taking martial arts. You definitely don’t want your bullies to find this out until it’s time. Also, never use your training on a bully until you are completely confident in your MA abilities.

3. Bullying support for Parents

There are also many groups who support parents of bullied schoolchildren. Again, do research, ask around, see if your area has one. These groups not only offer support, they will also teach you how to be there for your child and how to talk to them.

4. trusted Family and friends

Trusted family and friends are also great avenues of support. Moreover, if you know they will listen with love, open up to them and tell them what you’re going through.

This often works when you don’t have the funds for therapy or group sessions.

5. trusted teachers

Notice I said, trusted teachers. Sadly, not all teachers are sympathetic to bullied students. In fact, I’m willing to say that the majority of them aren’t.

However, there are a few who are especially understanding. They’re the teachers that you don’t meet but maybe 1 to 3 times during your school career. Therefore, if you have a trusted teacher that you absolutely love, don’t be afraid to confide in them.

I speak from experience because I had a few teachers I could talk to when I was being bullied. And, let me tell you! They made a huge difference in my life! They are the teachers, I’ll always remember with love!

6. workplace bullying support groups

Yes, there are support groups for bullied adults in the workplace. Also, if you need to see a therapist, they’re also a great resource for support. In many cases, therapists have made all the difference in the lives of many victims.

Therefore, don’t be too ashamed to see one. Remember that it doesn’t mean that you’re coming unglued. Although there is a lot of unfair stigma around seeing a counselor, you shouldn’t concern yourself with what others think.

This is all a part of self-care. Not only should you take care of your body, you should take care of your psychological and emotional well-being as well.

7. anti-bullying attorneys

There are many lawyers who specialize in anti-bullying law. These litigators represent bullied children and their families against schools who fail to protect them against bullies. Moreover, they also represent adults who have had their lives ruined because of workplace bullies.

They file lawsuits against schools, school systems, and companies for any damages done to victims, from lost wages, to medical costs resulting from bullying. They will even help you to recoup any psychological costs and file for punitive damages from schools, companies, and bullies themselves.

Therefore, if you’ve suffer psychological trauma from bullying, don’t hesitate to consult one of these attorneys. Most of them offer a free consultation and they can tell you if you have a case.

Also, some of them will probably be pro-bono attorneys. In other words, you don’t pay fees to them unless they win your case or you get a settlement. Put simpler, if you get nothing, they get nothing.

In Conclusion

Any time people are bullying you every day, for everything, you need all the support you can get. Why? Because bullies are experts at manipulating social hierarchies and turning other people against you. And they do this specifically to whittle down any support you may get.

And why do they prevent anyone from supporting you? Because any support you get is a threat to your bullies’ power over you. Therefore, this is why most bullies are hellbent on turning others against their victims and isolating them.

This is why support groups, therapists, and attorneys who specialize in bullying are popping up all over the country. There is a need for bullying-support and it’s finally available as it should have been years ago.

Therefore, take advantage of these support systems. You’ll be glad you did.

This post was all about the bullying support resources that are available to victims and why you should consider reaching out to them for help.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

2. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Confidence vs Arrogance

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‘Want to know the difference between confidence vs arrogance? Here are the differences you need to know about, especially if you’re a victim of bullying and abuse.

confidence vs arrogance

Many people get the two confused. Why? Because others conditioned them to believe that even the smallest shred of confidence is arrogance and that it’s bad.

Sadly, bullies and abusers condition victims that confidence is negative. Also, you can be misguided in thinking such by people who are well-meaning but don’t know better.

Why? Because they were also taught such things. Others conditioned them to believe that confidence, self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion were arrogance. Then, they passed it onto you.

Moreover, they were taught that they were bad people for having those treasures. Also, the abusers in their lives manipulated them into believing that they never deserved to have those traits.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference between confidence and arrogance so that you understand the differences.

Once you learn how the two differ, you will have an understanding of the distinctions. Also, you’ll be better able to resist being brainwashed when bullies attack your confidence and try to convince you that it’s bad.

This post is all about confidence vs arrogance so that you can hold on to your confidence when bullies try to attack you for it.

Confidence vs Arrogance

So, what’s the difference?

1. Confidence is healthy.

It’s never shy nor boastful. It’s that happy and healthy middle between low self-esteem and smugness.

Therefore, when a person is confident, they don’t have to trumpet their own importance and they don’t have to show off. Confidence isn’t loud or obnoxious, it’s quiet.

A confident person doesn’t boast or brag because they don’t have to. They know their value and all the good they bring to this world. They already know their own importance. Confidence is seen and not heard because it’s there.

Confident people believe they’re equal to everyone else. They believe they’re no better than anyone but just as good.

Therefore, they are kind to others and allow them to be themselves and do their own thing. However, a confident person is also assertive. They aren’t afraid to set firm boundaries and lay down the law if another person sticks so much as a toe over their boundaries.

A confident person, doesn’t let his confidence effect the way he treats people.

Why? Because he believes that everyone has a right to respect and dignity.

I want you to know that it’s okay to be confident and to be comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, it’s okay to have respect for yourself and to love yourself.

And thirdly, it’s okay to indulge in self-care and to tell some creep to go to hell if they get abusive with you. So, be confident!

Know that you can have confidence without being a pompous stuffed shirt. Know your worth and that you deserve to be treated well and with love and respect.

2. Confidence vs Arrogance:

Arrogance is unhealthy

In fact, it’s toxic! Arrogance is extreme.

In other words, it’s loud and obnoxious. When a person is arrogant, they’re full of themselves. An arrogant person makes sure that everyone around them knows how important they are because they feel they must announce it to the world.

Arrogance is like a peacock; it shows all it’s pretty colors and expects people to notice and give it recognition. However, it’s boastful because it’s insecure, and craves attention, admiration, and adoration.

An arrogant person believes he’s superior.

They treat people they deem inferior like dirt. Moreover, they’ll go out of their way to bully them and let them know who’s boss.

An arrogant person either doesn’t recognize boundaries, or he resents them. In other words, he believes that he should have carte blanche to violate another person’s boundaries.

Also, he gets highly pissed if the person he bullies has the gall to stand up to him.

Therefore, an arrogant person is a self-entitled, egotistical, self-satisfied turd who uses his attractive qualities to compensate for insecurity, cowardice, and weakness.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Regardless of what others have taught you, there’s a difference.

If other people have taught you the confidence is conceit, understand that they fed you nothing but lies. Confidence, basic self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion are not arrogant. Moreover, they aren’t selfish.

What they are is essential– essential for good mental health and a good life. They’re crucial for happiness and fulfillment

Realize that when someone attacks your confidence by accusing you of being arrogant or self-centered, it’s not about you. It’s really about them and always has been.

Why? Because they only do it to keep you down by making you feel less than them.

They do it because, deep down, they feel small. So, they feel they must push you down into the pits of low self-esteem so they can feel superior. Therefore, these people, who are really bullies, believe they must break your spirit to uplift theirs.

Oh, but wait! Here’s something else to think about here: maybe bullies and abusers drum this garbage into your head because they’re afraid. That’s right!

Could it be that bullies and abusers attack your confidence out of fear?

They’re frightened that if you manage to attain that precious confidence that you were born with, then you just might grow a pair of coconuts! In other words, you’re more likely to develop the spinal column to tell them where they can stick it and drop them like a bad habit!

Realize that this is about power. Moreover, it’s about making sure they keep you in your place, so they don’t risk losing their power over you.

Confidence vs Arrogance Or Confidence vs Egotism

Arrogance and egotism are close cousins. The confusion between confidence and egotism is also quite common. However, there are ways to distinguish between confidence and egotism.

Before I go further, let me start by saying that we all have egos. However, the trick is in how we handle them.

Here are the differences between confidence and egotism.

  • Confidence is quiet. Egotism, like arrogance, is loud and boastful.
  • The former doesn’t have to boast because it already knows its value. The latter, on the other hand, must constantly remind others of its value.
  • Confidence is teachable. Whereas, egotism is not. It kills the capacity to learn because it thinks it already knows everything there is to know.
  • Confidence leads to growth. Egotism can only lead to stagnation and eventual destruction.

Two Opposites

Princess Diana, during her latter years, was the perfect example of confidence. Once she saw her worth, she traveled the world, helping the less fortunate.

On the other hand, Hitler was an example of egotism. His overinflated ego led to the destruction and loss of millions of innocent lives. His overstuffed ego produced intense hatred for all Jews and anyone else he saw as his enemy.

As we know, bullies aren’t confident, they’re egotistical. Again, we all have egos. However, not all of us have egotism. Therefore, egotism is bad because it often stems from negative feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, and fear.

Moreover, it’s the reason bullies often target those based on their weaknesses, the lower role they play and their stations in life.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Promotes Equality while Egotism Promotes Division

Confident people treat the janitor or the security guard with the same respect they would give the company president or the CEO. In contrast, egotistical bullies only will only mistreat the janitor and security guard while sucking up to the president and the CEO.

A confident person gives kindness and respect to those who can do nothing for him. In other words, he treats everyone equally regardless of difference or position. Ego-driven bullies only abuse those who can’t benefit them somehow.

Those who are confident have selfless motives and doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re a decent and moral person.

However, those who are ego-driven bullies are self-serving. With these types of personalities, it’s all about fame and name.

Putting ego aside means respecting those whom society deems beneath you and giving them the same human value. It means making an effort to understand those who are different from you and doing your best to help them as you would those most like you.

Egotism is when ego overrides humanity and places it in grave danger, whereas, confidence helps and saves it.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Saves Humanity, Egotism Destroys it.

Sadly, I’ve worked with people who were great people to get along with. But once they got that coveted promotion, they became people I no longer recognized.

Bullies often spend money beyond their means to buy expensive clothes and cars, trying to look like they’re better off than everyone else. However, this is a sure hallmark of egotism.

Unfortunately, many bullies get deep in debt and sometimes resort to thievery to get out of it. As a result, they end up in legal trouble, which is an example of the self-destruction that egotism can bring.

Therefore, be aware of these signs in other people. And be confident, but know where the line between confidence and egotism lies.

“Who do you think you are!”

Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why?

Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.

Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy. Therefore, there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness.

Understand that environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.

Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.

Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Arrogance and egotism will try to tear down confidence.

I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence. Moreover, this was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild after having been severely bullied.

You could see it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits! Their brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on  anyone else’s face.

Can you imagine what they were thinking? You can just hear it.

“The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!”

You probably hear the remarks too.

“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”

“He’s an arrogant jerk!”

“She’s so uppity!”

“He loves himself too much!”

“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”

I could go on and on.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Your confidence will offend some.

Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish.” Also, some will tell you that you need to climb down off your high horse.

Maybe they say that you’ve gotten too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having confidence in yourself is something to be ashamed of.

You can practically hear your bullies shout in the style of Greta Thunberg, ”How dehhhhh you!”

Bullies tend to think that if you have pride in yourself, you’re sanctimonious. However, it’s okay for them to have it.

In their minds, confidence and pride should be reserved only for them and people like them. But woe unto you if you have even an ounce of self-value and to believe in yourself.

Therefore, continue to have confidence! There’s nothing wrong with it! Moreover, do whatever you must do to maintain it! Confidence is something you must guard with your life!

This post is all about the difference between confidence vs arrogance so that you can have the knowledge to rebuff any bullies who try to gaslight you into believing that being confident is wrong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

unhealthy ways to deal with bullying in the community

Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

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Do you want to know unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you’ll know the exact behaviors to avoid? Here are things you shouldn’t do when being bullied so that you can overcome and emerge a winner!

unhealthy ways to deal with bullying

To know what to do in a case of bullying sometimes means knowing first what not to do. Here are the no-no’s when people bully you.

In this post, you will learn what not to do when bullies victimize you, so that you’ll handle their abuse more effectively.

Once you learn all about these faux pas, you will make yourself less a victim and emerge a victor!

This post is all about the 7 most unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you come come out on the other side of it much happier and healthier.

Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying

Bullying throws you into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, you’ll often find other ways of coping.

Nevertheless, some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime you’re stuck in a toxic environment, you may become desperate and do things you usually don’t do to either escape or for relief.

1. Don’t instigate fights between others to take the bad attention off you.

I say this because I did that.

Some victims of bullying will pit a few classmates against each other. If they know of a few who dislike or hate each other, they very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.

An offhand comment here, another there, and they’ll have them fighting among themselves. Although it’s a shady thing to do, some victims try to keep others fighting among themselves.

But, why do they do this?

a. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: Reasons some victims instigate fights between others.

To distract the negative attention and hostility away from themselves

Although I don’t condone it, I do understand why some victims may do this. When you’re severely and chronically bullied, you become desperate to make it stop.

In other words, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, you may feel that,“ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.

So, you handle it the wrong way by keeping others too busy fighting each other to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone, all you want is to avoid the negative spotlight and keep yourself safe!

If you know of a few of your bullies who hate each other as much as they hate you, then perfect! You stoke the fires a little, and take advantage of it!

You very stealthily stir the pot between them because, as mentioned earlier, if you can keep them busy fighting each other, they’ll leave you alone. And let me tell you! It does work wonders!

But, heed this warning. This may keep people’s eyes off you for a little while. However, if someone happens to catch onto what you’re doing, the bullying you suffer will only skyrocket.

Moreover, you’ll be seen as a troublemaker. Now wouldn’t your bullies just love that!

They want to see someone else take heat for a change.

Why? Because it keeps them from feeling like they’re the only one being picked on. Therefore, this is more of a psychological payoff then anything else.

However, this isn’t the way to handle it.

c. Because they’re jealous of other people’s friendships and relationships.

Victims of bullying don’t only have to endure bullying and abuse. They also must sit on the sidelines and watch as other person enjoy all those social benefits of life.

Therefore, you’ll be tempted to cause friction in their relationships. Again, don’t! Because once they find out you pitted them against each other, they’ll only realign. And this time they’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth!

In other words, you’ll only make the bullying ten times worse!

I can’t stress this enough, don’t do it!

2. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Bully people weaker than you.

But why?

It’s because you feel powerless. Therefore, you become a bully yourself to feel more powerful. But understand that, although this may be the reason, it’s never an excuse.

Moreover, know that, if this is not something you normally do, you will be remorseful for it one day. Moreover, you will feel the need to apologize to those you hurt.

And, you know what? You absolutely should!

It’s much better to align with the people who are weaker than you and become a friend to them. Never bully anyone because you’re being bullied. The last thing you should do is take your pain out on someone you deem lesser than you.

It only makes you just as lowdown as your bullies. Moreover, you’ll miss out on opportunities for friendship because the person you bully is likely targeted by the same people who bully you.

Therefore, wouldn’t it be better (and smarter) to take advantage of the common ground you share with this person and befriend them?

I guarantee that becoming a friend would be a win-win situation for you both!

3. You feign illness to keep from going to school or work.

Why? Because you know that once you walk through the entrance, bullies will be waiting to pounce. This is understandable. All you want is for the abuse to stop.

Therefore, you find excuses to stay home, where you can be safe. However, this only causes bad grades and poor work performance. Moreover, it can cause the school to charge you with truancy or to expel you.

If it’s a job, your manager can terminate you. Therefore, the best way to handle it is to find a way to transfer to a new school or begin looking for a new job.

Whatever the case, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment.

4. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You resort to deception, con games, and trickery.

Many victims become master manipulators.

For example, a bullied girl in middle or high school may fake being pregnant to trick her classmates into leaving her alone. Also, she may do this in hopes of keeping others from physically attacking her.

Or, she may dress in bigger clothes to make her classmates wonder if she’s expecting. Therefore, she may not actually come out and lie about it. Girls are subtle like that.

The bullied girl may letting their curiosity build and cause them to continue asking if she’s pregnant. Then, after a while, she may use sarcasm and tell them she is. Moreover, she’ll do it knowing good and well that her classmates will take it and run with it.

So, the classmates will blab to everyone that the bullied girl is pregnant. It’ll work for a while and the joke will be on them.

Also, the girl knows that if her classmates find out she isn’t pregnant and try to call her on it, she can turn it back on them by saying,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so dimwitted that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

However, this will backfire on her. Her classmates, especially, those who bully her, will be furious because they’ll know she tricked them.

Therefore, the bullying will increase exponentially.

5. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Self-Harm.

Self-harm can be fatal. Many victims of bullying have died due to self-harm. Some of the deaths are intentional and others unintentional. Still, if nothing else, you must know this.

Your bullies are NOT worth dying over. You must realize that you’re only giving your bullies exactly what they want. Bullies either consciously or subconsciously, wish to kill you.

Only most bullies don’t have the guts to commit murder because they know they’d land in prison. Therefore, they hope like the dickens that you do it for them. Yes. I said that.

Why do you think bullies tell their victims to kill themselves or that they’re better off dead? Understand that bullies want to harm you. So, don’t do it for them.

Suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Know that you won’t always be a target of bullying and what you’re enduring is only one chapter, not the entire book.

Please, love yourself enough to keep living. Know your worth. And know that your life matters and you have value.

6. You Get Emotional.

Remember that bullies always look for a reaction and enjoy seeing your pain. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Otherwise, they’ll keep coming back for more of that psychological payoff!

I understand that it hurts when people abuse you and I know the hopelessness it can bring. My heart goes out to you.

However, learn to see behind their behavior. In other words, learn the reasons bullies bully. I guarantee that you’ll feel so much better  when you do.

Also, their bad treatment won’t effect you as much once you learn where their meanness comes from.

7. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You self-Medicate.

Drugs aren’t the answer either. The only thing it will do is ruin your health. Please love yourself enough to take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got and your bullies aren’t worth you getting sick.

8. You apologize too much.

When bullies target you, it’s easy to get into the habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

However, you must realize that a bully will take even a heartfelt apology and use it as a weapon!

Furthermore, your bullies will see it as confirmation that they’re right. Moreover, they’ll also see it as an admission that you are what they say you are, be it ignorant, clumsy, mentally imbalanced, whatever.

In short, any apology or admission serves bullies’ goals to re-enforce control over you.

In other words, to a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only reeks of surrender. Therefore, stop apologizing to them. They don’t deserve it.

Instead, find more powerful responses to use in place of an apology.

9. You Seek approval.

Hear this. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, especially the approval of bullies. The only approval that’s worth having is that of the people who love you for you and uplift you.

Therefore, don’t do anything to seek approval from people who don’t matter.

10. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You seek Attention.

The same goes for attention. You don’t need attention from these kinds of people. The only kind of attention you should have is that from people who love you and want what’s best for you.

Moreover, you don’t have to try so hard to get it from those who care the most about you. From them, it comes to you naturally.

Therefore, stop jumping through hoops for people who aren’t even worth your consideration. You’re better than that.

11. You Stay Silent Instead of Reporting it or talking about it

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember that bullying, as with any other form of abuse, thrives on you’re staying quiet.

Understand that you have a right to report it and you have a right to ask someone to help you. Moreover, you have a right to talk about it and tell your story.

If people are bullying you, don’t be quiet about it. Speak out!

This post lists the unhealthy ways of dealing with bullying so that you know what behaviors to avoid and seek better coping strategies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

when you start seeing your worth as a human being

When You Start Seeing Your Worth,17 Amazing Changes Happen.

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‘Want to know all the amazing things that happen in your life when you start seeing your worth? Here are all the life changes you need to know.

when you start seeing your worth

Once you realize your worth, magical things begin to happen in your life. Amazing things you never thought possible!

In this post, you will learn all the awesome benefits that come when you start seeing your worth.

After you learn all these advantages, you will begin your journey to discovering just how much you’re loved and that you have a good purpose for being here.

This post is all about the amazing benefits you’ll see when you start seeing your worth so that you’ll be inclined to do the inner work and value yourself as a human being.

When You Start Seeing Your Worth

So, what happens when you start seeing your worth?

1. You refuse to have anything more to do with people who don’t.

 Sadly, when you’ve suffered bullying, your self-esteem has taken a beating. Therefore, it’s too easy to feel you must cling to people who could care less about you.

However, once you begin seeing your worth, you begin weeding out all those who use and abuse you. You refuse to say around people who only tolerate you. This is because you value your time and some people aren’t worth one second of it!

Therefore, you refuse to make time for those who talk down to you or use you.

By kicking out the losers, you make room for better people to come into your life. In short, you start placing less value on the quantity of friends and focus more on quality of friends.

Therefore, you finally attract friendships that are fulfilling.

2. You stop settling for less than what you know you deserve.

In other words, you raise your standards.  Not only are you selective of the people who come into your life. You begin applying for better jobs, and buying products of higher quality.

Moreover and most importantly, you command better service and better treatment. Therefore, you attract healthier people.

You accept nothing less than the best because you know you’re worth it!

3. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to be alone.

You come to a place where you’d rather fly solo than put up with shoddy treatment. Moreover, you actually like being alone and prioritize your “me time” to relax and recharge.

Here’s another thing. You don’t toil over being single. You’re just as happy without a mate as you would be with one. Therefore, you’re willing enjoy your singleness until the right person comes along.

And when you get to where you enjoy your solitude, that’s when you know you’ve grown!

4. You begin loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away from toxic people.

In other words, you’re no longer afraid to let go of fake friends and posers. And this goes even if a few of them happen to be those you love. And when you do let them go, you do it without concern over the outcome.

Moreover, you drop these people without guilt. Why? Because you know that it pays to be nit-picky of those you allow into your life.

5. You no longer give a damn what others think or say of you.

In other words, you’re not the least bit concerned with opinions. In fact, you actually embrace any dislike a few people have for you. Why? Because those people will no longer matter to you.

When you don’t care what other people think, you’re not afraid to put yourself and your needs first. Why? Because you realize that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Therefore, you don’t feel guilty because you know that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

6. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to set boundaries.

This means that you have the guts to say “no” to things you don’t want. And when you say it, you mean it.

You’re also not afraid to stand up to people who cross the line with you. In fact, you’re willing to put on your bitch-face when the situation calls for it.

You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. You realize that respect is a two-way street. Therefore, you live by the mantra that others aren’t entitled to your respect. They must earn it!

7. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Why? Because you know that mistakes are your best teachers. Therefore, you’re willing to learn from them. You also realize that no one is perfect. And that’s it’s okay.

8. You’re comfortable in your own skin.

In other words, you embrace the good, the bad, and downright ugly parts of yourself. You continue to feel beautiful whether you’re dressed in an evening gown or in your tee shirt, jeans and sneakers.

9. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re willing to take risks.

Why? Because you’re not afraid to fail. You know that if you do, you can always try and try again. Also, you know that if you try for long enough, you’ll eventually succeed.

So, you don’t quit. You keep going.

10. You look on the bright side.

In other words, you try to see the positive side to bad things that may happen. You may fail at doing this from time to time. However, you, at least search for the good side.

Therefore, your confidence doesn’t take such a big hit when things go wrong.

11. Your confidence goes through the roof.

In other words, you don’t fear rejection nor ridicule. Why? Because you realize that you’re just as good as the next person.

Again, you’re also not worried about who does or does not like you. Why? Because you like yourself, even if a few others don’t.

Therefore, you look forward to meeting new people.

12. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re a go-Getter.

In other words, if there’s something you want, you work hard for it. And you don’t stop until you get it.

If there are any roadblocks, you look for a detour. If you have setbacks, you keep working hard and power your way through it.

13. You work on your goals and follow your dreams.

If you have a dream, you aren’t afraid to strive for it, no matter how long it takes. Though haters and naysayers may try to discourage you, you pay them no mind.

Why? Because you see through the haters. You realize that their negative words only come from a place of jealousy. Moreover, you know that they’re only speaking from their own worldview.

Instead, you keep working toward your goals and dreams until you reach them.

14. You have nothing to prove to others.

You realize that the only person you must prove anything to is yourself. Therefore, you no longer feel the need to try to be someone you aren’t. Why? Because you know that your value is there even if others can’t see it.

you don’t waste time begging for approval. Moreover, you refuse to hang on to people who aren’t really your friends.

Therefore, you don’t waste your precious energy trying to impress those who aren’t worthy of you.

15. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You realize your potential.

You know who you are and what you’re made of. In other words, you are aware of your potential and the heights you can rise to.

You believe in yourself even if others don’t. And that’s what makes you so badass!

16. You’re not afraid to be yourself.

Therefore, you’re not afraid to be silly sometimes. In fact, you’re outgoing and others notice it.

Being fake takes too much work and you’re much too lazy to be fake. Therefore, you’re authentically you and it shows.

Moreover, you understand that fake personalities only draw in fake friends. you also know that to weed out toxic people requires you to be yourself.

In that, you keep the creeps at bay and make it a point to live life to the fullest.

17. When you start seeing your worth:

You give Yourself the best gift of all – Freedom!

Knowing your worth means self-acceptance. In other words, it means being okay with yourself, warts and all! Moreover, it’s giving yourself permission to feel those raw emotions any time some creep pisses you off.

Seeing your worth means freedom! The freedom to be human! To be you! And to celebrate yourself!

Therefore, get to know your worth and your life will change for the better!

This post is all about the life-changing things that begin to happen in your life when you start seeing your worth. Put simpler, it’s about the benefits you’ll reap once you do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

2. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

3. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

6. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

bullying and banter examples

Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

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‘Want to know the differences between bullying and banter? Here are the most common distinctions you need to know about.

bullying and banter

In many situations, it’s tough to know the difference between bullying and banter. Are they laughing with you or at you? You may wonder.

In this post you will learn how to tell the differences between bullying and banter. Also, you’ll learn how to respond to bullies who try to make their bullying look like harmless fun.

Once you learn all these characteristics and how to tell them apart just by experiencing them, you will be better able to defend yourself when bullies try to disguise their abuse as teasing.

This post is all about the differences between bullying and banter and exactly what you can do to counter it.

Bullying and banter

“Can’t you take a joke!”

Bullies are notorious for that line when targets speak out and call them out on their abuse. It’s the most manipulative and dangerous, and popular excuse for crappy behavior.

Why? Because it uses social pressure to make you out to be a party pooper who doesn’t know how to relax and have a good time.

In other words, bullies use this old, worn-out comeback to cover themselves. Also, they employ this tactic to dupe bystanders and witnesses into believing that the abuse was just playful banter.

What’s worse is that it makes you look and feel like some dysfunctional whiner who’s just too sensitive and needs to lighten up.

But how do you know the difference between bullying and banter? Here are your answers:

1. There’s a power imbalance

With bullying, there’s always a power imbalance, and harm is intended. Also, the relationship is always harmful and abusive.

On the other hand, there’s no power imbalance with banter. In other words, each person is always on equal social footing with each other.

Banter is done strictly among friends, family members- people with equal power. There’s no harm intended, and people who exchange banter have a positive and fulfilling relationship.

2. In banter, people respect you enough to stay away from your “no-go zones”

Your “no-go zones” are often called your hot buttons or triggers. These are things that you’re insecure, embarrassed, or ashamed of.

Also, they can be any adverse experiences you’ve had in the past.

In banter, people know to stay away from those areas and won’t bring them up. Moreover, banter is never threatening to the other person.

Whereas, if it’s bullying, bullies will deliberately zero in on things they know you’re insecure about and will only continue to bring them up in front of an audience when they see that you’re upset.

3. The Difference between bullying and banter:

It all comes down to how it makes you feel and your relationship with the other person! 

If nothing else, know this! Anyone you have a negative or hostile relationship with does NOT get the privilege to banter or joke with you! Ever!

Understand that banter is only reserved for the people you feel good about! Because they know your triggers and remember never to go near those tender areas!

4. Always read the person’s nonverbal body language

If the person is smirking and snickering instead of genuinely smiling and laughing out loud, that’s a sign of contempt, and it’s more than likely bullying instead of banter.

Sadly, anytime the bully plays the “Can’t-You-Take-A-Joke” card, it’s too easy for you to get caught off guard. This often leaves you speechless or paralyzed with humiliation.

Many victims end up so upset they walk away feeling indignant. Why?  Because it’s sometimes difficult to adequately address the bully’s comeback without them gaslighting you and making you feel even lower!

How to Address This Kind of Bullying

Therefore, here is the perfect way to clap back at a bully who claims to be playing or joking. And, once you do this, you’ll walk away feeling great about yourself and that you handled it like a boss!

Bullying and Banter – Bullies Don’t get to Banter with you!

Shut them down by saying:

“Only my friends can joke with me like that! You’re not my friend, so you need to back off!”

Or,

“Newsflash! I don’t like you! You’re not my friend! So, you don’t get to say that, I don’t give a __ if you’re playing or not!”

And say it like you mean it! Then watch the bully pathetically slink away with their tail tucked between their legs! It has worked for me, and it’ll work for you too!

Harmless teasing,  playful banter, and comedy are all okay with people you feel good around. Sadly, it’s something that seems to be dying out today.

Too many people get triggered anymore by anything. And bullies seem to be the very people who are easily triggered and are constantly looking for something to get offended over.

However, there’s a difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes. It’s normal to be offended over cruel jokes because they can be harmful.

Bullying and Banter:

What’s the difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes?

1. Cruel jokes poke fun of things you’re insecure about, such as your height, weight, nose and ear size, and other hot spots.

Harmless teasing stays away for those hot spots.

2. Cruel jokes continue even after you express hurt and discomfort.

Harmless teasing immediately stops if there’s even the slightest hint that you’re uncomfortable with it.

In short, harmless teasing is harmless and done all in good fun. Cruel jokes, on the other hand, can be damaging to a person’s self-esteem and should be avoided.

Bullying and Banter:

Are they laughing with you or at you?

Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. Also, in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them.

Make this mistake and it can cause a rift between you and someone who’s a well-meaning friend. This is the last thing you want!

So, how can you tell whether someone is laughing with you or at you?

Here’s how:

1. Laughing with you

There’s always eye contact.

In other words, the person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing. Moreover, you have a good relationship with the person and there’s no power imbalance. In other words, the person sees you as an equal and you know it.

Laughing at you

There’s absolutely no eye contact.

In fact, the person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing. Also, you do not have a good relationship with the person. There may or may not be bad history between you and the person.

Therefore, here’s your cue to tell this person that if they think it’s a joke, it’s not and that they need to step all the way off!

2. Laughing with you

The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.

Laughing at you

The laughter usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker and snort. Some may cover their mouths while snickering.

Again, now’s the time to tell them to get bent.

3. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.

Laughing at you:

On the other hand, the person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.

Therefore, have nothing more to do with them.

It also depends on context.

4. Laughing with you

The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.

Laughing at you

There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh.

The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or foolish, or because there’s anything wrong with you. Instead, they’re laughing at you to bring you down.

Moreover, they’re doing it to boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.

Therefore, tell this person exactly where they can go!

5. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.

Laughing at you

The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.

In conclusion:

The sooner you recognize these differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people. Moreover, the quicker you’ll be able to enjoy more rewarding relationships.

This is because you’ll be better able to recognize and avoid those who wish to inflict emotional harm. Moreover, you’ll have the confidence to stand up to them any time they get out of line with you.

And when your relationships flourish, just imagine the fun you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you and how much better you’ll feel when you do!

This post was all about how to recognize bullying and banter so that you can respond appropriately and preserve your personal dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

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‘Ever wondered why you have a fear of setting boundaries? Do you want to know what you can do about it? Here’s why you’re afraid to stick up for yourself and ways you can turn it around.

fear of setting boundaries

Many victims of bullying have a fear of setting boundaries. Why, because bullies have taken their confidence, self-esteem and personal power.

This is heartbreaking because when you’re too afraid to set boundaries, your human rights go out the window. Moreover, it makes for a miserable existence because you’re at the mercy of other people’s whims.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you have such a fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to change it and get your life back.

Once you learn all the reasons, you will be more compelled to squash that fear and begin acting and speaking in your own behalf. In that, you’ll eventually take back your autonomy and freedom.

This post is all about the fear of setting boundaries, why you have it, and what you can do to change it so that you can finally take back control of your life!

Fear of Setting Boundaries

All too often, victims of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them.

Therefore, they suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. You don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying, like you, feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. Therefore, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it.

Remember that bullying, like any other form of abuse, thrives on your silence. Therefore, it takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something few bullying victims have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a victim.

To them,  you have no rights and deserve no human dignity. Bullies don’t see you as a human being, deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

Therefore, they feel they have carte blanche to abuse you and expect you to stay quiet about it. However, don’t be afraid to speak out in your behalf. Even more importantly, don’t fear standing up to the bullies.

Understand that you have just as much of a right as anyone else to defend yourself and to ensure your own safety. So, don’t wait on anyone else to help you. Protecting yourself from harm is your responsibility.

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people have bullied you for so long. Why?

Because they’ve brainwashed you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many victims have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them.

Moreover, many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why you cave in to the bullies’ demands. You may feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. You fear the bullies will retaliate.

This is understandable. Bullies can put the fear of God in you if you don’t know your rights.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. Moreover, you know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. Therefore, they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

However, what you may not realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Therefore, you take your power back.

4. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve the abuse.

If you’ve been bullied for a long time, your bullies may have gaslighted you into believing that you somehow deserve the abuse. However, let me assure you. You don’t!

No matter how they blame you for their behavior, I repeat, you do not deserve to be bullied. And I say this with full conviction!

Therefore, realize that bullies know that what they’re doing is wrong. They have to know it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t demand that you stay silent about the abuse. Moreover, they wouldn’t work so damn hard to convince you that you did something to make them behave the way they do.

They also wouldn’t spend the time searching for any justification for their bullying. And they wouldn’t constantly go around spreading falsehoods about you to everyone who’ll listen.

Remember, bullying takes a lot of work. In other words, bullies must work hard to maintain their phony facades and cover up their lies and abuse. Moreover, they must also work hard to keep you powerless.

5. You Fear Physical Retaliation.

I understand the intense fear of getting beat up. No one looks forward to being attacked on the playground, in the bathroom, or in the company parking lot.

However, if your bullies have threatened physical violence for defending yourself, then you must be willing to fight and not back down.

In other words, you either face your fear and fight back or continue being scared and living under the thumb of bullies.

The choice is yours. And you never know. If you fight back, you just might beat the living snot out of your bully and stop them from messing with you. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re in a survival situation!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Before you’re able to stand up for yourself, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

Again, it takes confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors. In other words, stop the defense mechanisms you tried in the past that failed.

Why? Because these defense mechanisms are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life have conditioned you to respond.

So, what behaviors are we referring too here? In other words, what defense mechanism do you need to stop doing?

  • You must stop over-apologizing.
  • You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.
  • Stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.
  • Stop wondering what you did wrong.
  • You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.
  • You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to use any of the ineffective measures above.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. Also, you must learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels.

Moreover, trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions. And realize that, sometimes, it takes dogged determination to defend yourself from bullies.

In other words,

  • Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.
  • Though they may blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.
  • Even if they tell you that you’re cr4zy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t accept their bullshit.
  • Though they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t put up with it.
  • Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.
  • And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that!  Put up those dukes and throw down if you need to! Or, if you must, get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Understand that it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

  • “Stop it!”
  • “Cut it out!”
  • “Knock it off!”
  • “Get away from me!”
  • “Get out!”

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone.

There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. And, if nothing else, know this!

You have more power than you know. Fear is thinking you don’t have the power you actually do have.

So, stick to your guns and hold your ground!

This post was all about the reasons for your fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to squelch your fear and take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

6. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

signs someone is gaslighting you in a relationship

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

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‘Want to know the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms you have while it’s happening?

signs someone is gaslighting you

When people gaslight you, you may not know it but you’ll feel it if you pay attention. Victims of gaslighting often start out as confident and level-headed people.

However, once a gaslighter gets a hold of them, they can go on such a downward spiral. They continue this decline until their confidence and self belief are completely stripped of them and they become shells of their former selves.

In this post, you will learn the 13 signs that someone is gaslighting you. These are the symptoms you feel in your mind, body, and heart.

Once you learn all these physical and psychological effects, you will be better able to recognize it not only in the other person’s behavior, but also in how you feel.

This post is all about the signs someone is gaslighting you so that you can recognize it when it happens and decide on a course of action to get away from your gaslighter.

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their victims, as are domestic, child, and sexual abusers. In reality, bullies are abusers and abusers are bullies. However, that’s the topic of another post.

As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the target as cr*zy. Moreover, they will try to reverse the roles to make the victim look like the bully.

They may even try to convince the victim that what happened didn’t really happen. The bully/abuser might say that it was all in the targeted person’s imagination. Also, bullies may accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or overreacting.

Therefore, if you’re someone who is gaslighted, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up. And they want you to stay silent about the abuse so that they can keep their moral high ground and continue looking good to others.

Moreover, they do it to make you doubt your sanity. Now, you may ask what they have to gain from this.

Realize that these bullies know that if they can make you doubt your own sanity, then it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to recognize what these bullies are doing because, in most cases, others may agree with them. Others outside the bully/victim relationship may believe that you really are mentally unbalanced, or too sensitive.

And when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to say, “well, maybe I really am overreacting. Therefore, you just clam up and go along with it to keep from being further bullied and gaslighted.

So, what are the signs someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You constantly second guess yourself.

It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing.

This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

Moreover, you’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Realize that too much second guessing can cause you to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness. That’s no way to live!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think. Also, understand that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day.

They don’t call it “crazymaking” for nothing because it can drive you cr*zy. In other words, when people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks.

Why? because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

The best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You over-apologize.

You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. Moreover, you apologize for other people’s behavior.

You may even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

Therefore, understand that some things do not require an apology. Know what those things are, then flat refuse to give any apologies. There’s no need for apologies when people are treating you like doody!

4. You’re confused all the time.

Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion. Again, stop worrying about what others will think or say. This is your life! Don’t waste another second of it jumping through hoops for people who don’t give two hoots about you.

Stand up to them and tell them to go @$%# themselves! Then sever ties, baby! Walk away from them without even looking back!

5. You’re never happy but feel you should be.

That’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted! Why? Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens.

Therefore, realize that your feelings are right on target. You should be happier. Only you have a gaslighting abuser in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve. And, what’s worse is that you’re enabling them!

Please understand that in no way am I blaming you. However, you must realize that you have more power than you’re being led to believe you have.

It’s time for you to get angry and tell these people to go kick rocks! Life’s too short to put up with people who mistreat you! You deserve better!

6. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You make excuses for other people’s behavior.

This especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know.

Moreover, you’re riddled with shame over it. It can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others.

Hence, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being treated like a pile of manure, but also, to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

However, the only way to stop the abuse is to face the truth and ditch these fakers! Realize that, if you must make excuses for people who only bully and abuse you, they can’t be friends.

It’s time to show them OUT! And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be!

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about.

When you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag! People are going to ridicule you no matter what. So, why lie about anything?

Ask yourself this question. Who are these chumps that you should have to lie?

The best thing to do is to be honest. Then, if they have a problem with it, tell them to shove off. It’s better to be honest then to live in regret, wishing you had spoke your mind when they were the ones being abusive.

Show these morons the door! Fast!

8. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

You’ve noticed a change in yourself and it isn’t a good one. You’re not the happy and healthy person you once were and, chances are, you don’t know why.

Therefore, this is the time to begin evaluating all your relationships and know who your abusers are. Once you figure out who’s making you feel so rotten, you must make some tough decisions as to who to keep in your life and who to let go.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

Its not that you can’t do anything right. It’s just that you’re allowing yourself to be forced to live life on someone else’s terms and not your own.

Moreover, your bullies are forcing you to live up to their standards and not yours. Again, life is too short to be anything but happy. Therefore, gather the courage to make the changes you must make to salvage your peace.

This means establishing and setting boundaries. Then, you must be ready to enforce those boundaries if ever the need arises.

You must not allow a single soul to disrupt your peace and your happiness.

10.  You feel hopeless.

I’ve been there. However, you must realize that nothing is hopeless. Especially if people bully and abuse you. It’s not easy to leave a toxic workplace when you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, quietly begin looking for new employment now and line something up.

Then, when a new job comes up, quit!

The same goes if you have a partner who abuses and gaslights you. Start putting money away or reach out to your family to provide a place for you until you get a job.

The idea is to get away from the gaslighters in your life.

11. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You wonder if you’re good enough.

Trust me! You are good enough! You’ve only been led to believe that you aren’t. Understand that people have succeeded in breaking your confidence. Therefore, you must begin working hard to regain that confidence!

How you start is to find ways to get rid of the gaslighter in your life.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself. In other words, it causes you to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Therefore, understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body. Put another way, listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

In most cases, the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

13. You Feel Trapped.

This goes especially for abused partners. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be anything but! However, gather the courage to do what you must to take back your personal power and your life.

It may take a while and you will go through a grieving process. However, once you’ve gone through the sadness, you will be amazed at how much freer and more empowered you’ll be.

Moreover, you’ll have peace and happiness like you never thought possible.

This post was all about the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms that go with it to prompt you to make the changes necessary for your self-esteem and mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

open letter to bullies at school

Open Letter to Bullies: From One who Overcame

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Here is an open letter to bullies from a victim who survived and overcame them. These are the words victims want to say to their bullies someday.

open letter to bullies

open letter to bullies

Sometimes it’s does victims good to write an open letter to bullies… without sending it, of course. Here is what millions of victims around the world would love to say to their bullies.

In this post, you will read an open letter to bullies so that  you can get a sneak peek into the mind of every victim of bullying.

Once you learn what victims of bullying really think, not only will you relate to these words if you’ve even been bullies, but you will understand that you aren’t alone in your fight.

This post is all about the open letter to bullies and what victims think but almost never get the chance to say.

Open Letter to Bullies

Much to your chagrin, I’m no longer the naive kid of yesterday, but the wise adult of today. And the beauty of getting older is the wisdom you store up and the realization that you’re perfect just the way you are and always have been.

Moreover, you realize that you never needed certain people in the first place and that some people don’t belong in your life.

Another great thing about getting older is that you become completely secure and comfortable in your own skin. You can speak your mind no matter who sees and hears it because you could care less what others think.

Who are you, anyway? Who are any of you to think you can define anyone?

I’m the only one who can decide who I am because I’m the only one who has that kind of power.

So many people tell me things, and it is people you’d never expect. ‘You know. Those who tell you stories of people you could care less about and regardless of whether you want to hear them? Yeah, those types.

Believe it or not, some of them are people you think are your friends.

Oh, yeah! They stop me in places like the supermarket and the gas station, or when I’m just passing through. They tell me that many of you keep up with my social media posts and regularly read my blog. Yep. I know all about it.

So, I don’t doubt that you’ll read this blog post too. Therefore, I’m writing this to help you indulge yourselves. Because you only expose yourselves and your obsession.

Open Letter to Bullies:

Most people are blessings, you, on the other hand, were only lessons.

To be real, I could care less about what or how any of you are doing. Because you were only people God was teaching me to look out for. In other words, you were lessons, not blessings. And the things I take away from having the displeasure of even knowing you are these:

That if I can survive your obsessive bullying and mobbing for six long years, then I can survive anything. Oh, yes! You most certainly showed me my own strength, resilience, and determination.

You showed me the type of people I don’t want in my life and who aren’t good enough to be in it. Moreover, you showed me the type of person I never want to become.

You gave me a much better appreciation for the real friends I have today. Also, you gave me a thick skin and a fighting spirit.

You gave me clarity- clarity of what I want and what I will and will not tolerate. Additionally, you gave me the confidence to know that hard times are only temporary and they will eventually pass.

Your degradation gave me the drive and determination to have what I want out of life. And your bullying was the motivation I needed to work hard and keep going after it until I reach my dreams.

You gave me the desire not only to learn and improve my knowledge of bullying.  You also gave me the will to use what you tried to do to protect other innocents from people like you.

Open Letter to Bullies:

You didn’t destroy me, you only motivated me.

Also, you gave me the ability to spot a liar and fake a mile away… in the dark! It’s funny how dealing with the likes of you can give one the ability to point out other liars and fakes without ever meeting them.

Therefore, I survived because my determination to remain standing superseded your desperation to tear me down. I overcame because the fire inside me burned hotter and brighter than the fire you ignited around my feet.

My efforts to reach happiness and success outmatched your efforts to keep me miserable and in failure. Moreover, my strength to keep going was much bigger than the force you expended to stop me.

I prevailed against odds that would’ve been overwhelming for the likes of you.

I graduated because I kept pushing myself and went on living through enormous threats and terrible circumstances. These were pressures under which you wusses would’ve dropped out of school.

Most people would’ve hated you. But I don’t. ‘You know why?

Because hate is a waste of energy, I’d rather spend my energy focusing on my goals. I’m too busy working on myself and pursuing my own agenda to hate on anyone. I make it about me. That’s right, all about me, my family, and my goals.

You only made a winner out of me.

I’ll give you this much. For a while, you had me down and even managed to keep me there during school. I forgot who I was. Or maybe without meaning to, I allowed you to take the knowledge of who I was from me. You even succeeded in making me out to be the troubled one.

And while you bullied, harassed, name-called, slut-shamed, shoved, tripped, jumped, beat, choked, and kicked me- even threatened my life with a blade on two different occasions; I was told to ignore it, to toughen up, and not to snitch.

Even worse, you had the chutzpah to tell me to be thankful that your abuse wasn’t worse and to just take it in silence.

Open Letter to Bullies:

But it didn’t last.

You couldn’t keep me in your little box. And once I slipped through your fingers, I began to flourish.

In the end, you only made a fighter and a winner out of me. You ended up making me more determined to love myself.  The girl who used to finish last now finishes first. Why? Because I put myself first.

When you all attacked me, others judged me unfairly and brutalized me- bystanders and even those I thought were friends. And that was worse because the betrayal was more devastating than the bullying and mobbing itself.

Oh, yes. I’ll admit. People, even a few school staff, only scoffed when I went to them for help. They sneered when I tried to explain to them the hell you were putting me through.

When I needed a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, they only ignored me. When I needed someone to care, understand, and make sense of what was happening, they abandoned me.

Therefore, for a while, you won.

I even went against my better judgment and asked many of you why. Not even you could give me a straight answer.  This should’ve been my first clue that none of you knew why you acted so ignorant. Chances are, you still don’t.

Though I was only a kid and didn’t realize it back then, it’s only proof that you had no excuse nor justification for the simple way you behaved. And the most astonishing part was you didn’t need any evidence of any wrongdoing to launch your petty attacks.

Open Letter to Bullies:

I’m No Longer Afraid of You.

The fact that no one cared about the truth nor even asked is only further proof that you all bullied and mobbed out of pure spite, ignorance, and stupidity.

 Furthermore, the same three afflictions are why a few teachers, who followed your lead, also bullied me to the point of considering a lawsuit.

A few even escalated the vitriol because they saw me as a threat.

Those few so-called teachers were afraid that I would file citing discrimination based on a perceived disability. Why? Because they found out about the daily journals, I kept each school day, documenting everything!

And I’ll never forget their reactions (and those of some of you) each time you all saw me writing. Therefore, it’s hilarious when I look back now because some of you seemed pretty desperate and afraid!

And the few spineless, undeserving losers that I was a fool to call friends? (Scoff) They didn’t have the stones to have my back, which means that I didn’t have any friends at OHS. So, should it matter to any of you if I speak up or stay silent?

You’re entitled to your opinion but not my respect, you never earned that.

I can be honest about it now because none of you are anyone I need to impress. Moreover, I surely don’t owe any of you anything- not even respect because you did nothing to earn it from me. So, you get none here.

And the few rotten apples who called themselves teachers? I now realize they only fell for your lies and smear campaigns out of sheer stupidity.

Those teachers, who were supposed to be adults, only allowed themselves to regress into children by joining you in your evil and spiteful attacks. Therefore, they weren’t smart at all, they were only educated idiots.

Open Letter to Bullies:

Dropping names isn’t my style.

Far be it from me to put anyone’s names out there because I won’t go that low. It’s not my style. However, I already suspect you know which teachers I’m referring to. Moreover, you know who you are. So, I’ll leave it there.

With you, the excuse was always, “I’m afraid of her!” or “She’s cr4zy!” However, the reality was that I was much more afraid of you than you ever were of me. But deep down, most of you were already aware of it.

Oh yeah. I know and you do too. I knew it back then; only I was too afraid to voice it because I knew what most of you would do if I opened my mouth. Oh, yes. You got that one for free. I was afraid of you all back then.

But the difference between then and now is that I’m not anymore. Now that I’m a grown woman, I’m not afraid of any of you. I don’t have to see any of you. You can’t touch me now. And you’re exactly where you belong- out of my life.

The Beauty of Age

It’s funny how age tends to embolden you and fill you with confidence. Moreover, you get less afraid as you grow older.

Therefore, I can say pretty much anything I want. And I say it loud and proud. Even better, I make speaking out about people like you my livelihood, my bread and butter, and my niche!

Therefore, in bullying me, you were only paving my path for me. In trying to instill fear, you only encouraged me. In trying to keep me down, you only uplifted me! And in turning others against me back then, you ultimately made me truer friends now than I ever could’ve imagined back then.

Now, you must ask yourselves what good all that meanness did in the long run. Also, ask yourselves where it got you. Because it certainly didn’t help any of you reach the top!

It didn’t get you fame or fortune because none of you ever went anywhere.

Open Letter to bullies:

Through Your resentment, you only expose your guilt.

And now, thanks to the book, more and more people know the truth. They know what really happened- more people than you ever thought would find out back when we were in school.

Even though I wasn’t out for revenge when I wrote the book, and therefore, had the common decency to conceal your real names and omit certain events that would’ve called you out for the devils you are, I consciously chose not to identify your sorry selves.

So, go ahead, show some chutzpah. Get offended, get angry, talk smack, I don’t care.

‘You see? The thing you don’t realize is that by getting your noses out of joint about the book, you unwittingly called yourselves out! By opening your mouths, you exposed yourselves as I already knew you would! So, who’s the “retard” now?

Again, I concealed your real names, which is more than what you deserved. Nevertheless, you get your emotions so stirred up you end up telling off on yourselves! So, I ask again. Who are the foolish ones?

‘You see? Here’s the thing. If someone had written a book about me and exposed me and all my dirt, but changed the name? I would’ve been smart enough to zip my lips and not to let on that the book was about me!

Moreover, I would’ve put on a poker face because I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I was one of the idiots who acted so immature back in the day. Only a fool would have let on that they were one of the brutes that mistreated a person so horribly. Especially if that person was powerless to defend herself!

Open Letter to Bullies:

Bullies no longer get the glory they once did.

And here another newsflash. Today, bullies don’t get the glory they got back in the ‘1980s. People look down on bullies nowadays! Why? Because they see them for the scared little cowards they truly are.

And let me address the immature, psychop4thic adults who’ve sent me threatening and nasty messages off and on for the first three years after the book was launched.

Heads up, folks!  I’ve both screenshotted and saved them all “just in case.” And I’ve already exposed one woman. Don’t be the next person I plaster all over the internet. Because I will, in essence, parade you naked before the eyes of the entire free world.

Lastly, if anything happens to me, anything at all, that book will be seen as a possible motive. Many, many people will come around, asking questions. And who do you think they’ll come to?

Who do you think those people will want answers from? Are you willing to take that risk?

The entire class will be under a microscope, and everyone will know what the possibilities are. But that’s all it takes. Isn’t it? And you’d know that better than anyone, wouldn’t you?

All it takes is one accusation. One offhand comment. One motive. The slightest suspicion. That’s it.

In closing, I want to thank you for making me the woman I am today.

This post was an open letter to bullies so that you can discover what most victims of bullying think. Also, you can have the courage to write your own if people bully you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies 

2. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

3. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

4. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

6. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

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It’s important that you never chase people who don’t see your worth. Would you like to know why? Here are the reasons never to try winning over those who don’t appreciate you and don’t want to be won over.

never chase people who don't see your worth

Many bullying victims are so anxious to make friends that they don’t set boundaries as to the way people should treat them. Therefore, as long as they don’t have to be by themselves, they overlook the shoddy ways their so-called friends treat them.

And once these fake friends are ready to discard them, these victims only beg them to stay friends with them or chase after them because they’re afraid of not having anyone at all.

Therefore, you will learn the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth.

Once you learn these reasons and that they’re good reasons, you will never again want to reduce yourself to chasing anyone who doesn’t value you.

This post is all about why you must never chase people who don’t see your worth. Also, it’s about what happens if you do and how you can easily let them go.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably fear being by yourself. Moreover, you chase friendships that aren’t true and get hurt many times over.

Why? Because it turns out that your pals are only tolerating you. And by the time you realize those people aren’t good for you, they’ve hurt, used, and humiliated you enough times that your self-esteem is damaged.

Here’s my advice to you if you feel lonely and desperate for friends:

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth! It is beneath you, and those who do not value you do not deserve the privilege of being in your life. Therefore, you need to cleanse your life of these toxic people.

I realize that if you are a target of bullying, your friendship options are minimal. Moreover, I know all too well of the humiliation of sitting alone at the lunch table at work or school.

It’s no fun watching everyone else getting to enjoy having friends around them while you’re isolated. Believe me, I get that.

However, if the options you do have are friends who only tolerate you. If they turn hot and cold, exclude you, or talk behind your back, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?

There is a difference between someone who genuinely likes you and someone who is only tolerating you. Moreover, you always know when someone is only tolerating you because of how you feel when the person is around.

You can feel it in your gut. Something is off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Also, you can hear the shortness and coldness in the tone of your so-called friend’s voices. You can see it in the way that they look at you (or refuse to look at you).

Your spidey senses are ringing because you can feel the cold vibes that they put out. There is nothing worse than realizing that someone you think highly of thinks very little of you.

It is the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling in the world. It is the equivalent of being kicked in the stomach!

However, I want you to know that you do not have to be around such poisonous people. Anyone who makes you feel uneasy does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, good-looking, popular, successful, cool, tough, or whatever.

If they make you feel bad about yourself, ditch them! Weed. Then. OUT! They are not worthy of being in your company. You are better off without them. Understand that this may mean staying to yourself for a time.

No one wants to be a loner. I understand it, and I sympathize with you. However, I believe that it’s much better to be alone than to crawl up behind anyone who does not see your value.

Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth.

You must gather the courage to walk away from such people.

It won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. It takes courage to walk away from a person or people who take you for granted, especially when options for human connections are so few.

And I won’t lie to you, you may be by yourself for a while. It may get lonely, even sad, and depressing at times. However, if you stay strong and true to your own heart, you’ll only increase your value.

Believe that you deserve so much better!

This is where setting boundaries comes in.

The reason people walk over you is because you don’t set boundaries. However, if you lack boundaries, you only invite a lack of respect from others. And, believe me, people notice when you don’t have boundaries.

They’ll look at you and laugh, telling others that you’re a wimp, pushover, or a doormat, and that’s putting it mildly. Most will use more colorful language to describe your lack of a backbone.

Therefore, get some! It’s the only way you’ll stand up to bullies and ditch fake friends. Know that setting boundaries isn’t wrong. It’s all a part of self-care.

Understand that anyone who doesn’t see your worth isn’t worth your time nor consideration. So, don’t be afraid to eight-six the creeps. Know that you can do bad by yourself! And you’re better off that way, alone, rather than keeping company with a bunch of lowlife pieces of shit.

Here’s Why You Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

1. You’ll only reduce your value.

In other words, you only cheapen yourself. Moreover, others will look at you and only see “pathetic” written all over you. You’ll constantly seek approval and put on fronts just to be accepted.

However, when you do these self-depreciating things, you only get the opposite of what you want. Therefore, show yourself some respect and ditch anyone who doesn’t give you the love and respect you deserve.

Once you start standing up for yourself, you’ll increase your value and others just might treat you better. And, if they don’t, they have no business being in your life.

2. Moreover, it could to an imbalance of power in relationships. This can perpetuate bullying.

Friendship isn’t supposed to hurt. In other words, real friends love you for you and you’re always on equal footing with them. There’s no imbalance of power because there’s mutual respect and love.

However, when you hang on to friends who only tolerate you, use you, and treat you like the last option, you only settle for friendships that are painful. Moreover, you surrender your power and give them the upper hand!

And once the other person has more power than you, the threat of bullying is there. And don’t think they won’t take advantage of it.

In fact, they may bully you just to make you go away. Therefore, place value on yourself and have nothing to do with those who don’t give you the respect you deserve.

Remember that if you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away, no one else will respect you either. It starts with you. Therefore, give yourself respect and watch others slowly begin to respect you.

3. Never Chase People who Don’t See Your Worth:

You’ll attract bullies and human predators.

When you chase people who don’t value you, you allow them to treat you like yesterday’s garbage. Human predators notice this right away. They notice your desperation. Therefore, they see you as a walking, talking opportunity.

And they’ll latch onto you just for the chance to take advantage of you or even hurt you. Therefore, treat yourself well by getting rid of those who only shit all over you.

If you get rid of people who only tolerate you and endure being alone for a while, life will reward you with true friends who genuinely care for you.

It may take a while. However, if you have the courage to walk away from fake people, life will eventually reward you for your courage. Moreover, it will do so by placing better and more loving people in your path.

You will eventually meet people who genuinely love you and have your best interests at heart.

Moreover, you’ll have better friends- friends who want to spend time with you, who want to invite you to parties and other events, and who will be there for you when the chips are down. You will have friends who are tried and true.

Be patient. Your time is coming!

This post is about the reasons you never chase people who don’t see your worth. It’s purpose is to prompt you to raise your own value by getting rid of those who don’t value you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

4. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

silence

Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

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‘Want to know the things school bullies try to hide? Here are 13 things that they’re ashamed of and possibly part of the reason they bully in the first place.

things school bullies try to hide

School bullies may come off like they’re invincible and others may think so too. However, they have things they keep secret and hope others never find out. And many of those secrets are sad. However, it doesn’t excuse their behavior.

You will learn the things school bullies try to hide so that you can be assured that they aren’t as cool or tough as they try to make you think.

Once you learn these truths, you will feel better about yourself and pity for your bullies. Moreover, you’ll no longer hate yourself nor them.

This post is all about the things school bullies try to hide so that victims can be assured that under that tough exterior, bullies are just as vulnerable as they are.

Things school bullies try to hide

Bullies keep so many secrets. They have to, to maintain the facade they hide behind.

In other words, bullies must continue to wear a veil of perfection, toughness, and coolness. They take extreme pains to keep that veil from falling off.

However, if you watch and listen, your bullies secrets will eventually seep through by either foolish mistakes they make, or through the gossip of others.

13 Things School Bullies Are Ashamed Of

1. One or both of their parents are drug dealers.

A few of your bullying classmates may came from homes that people buy drugs out of. Because of this, these bullies are either ashamed of what they were living in or they feel ignored at home and this is sad way to live.

Therefore, they bully you to cover that shame and get the attention at school that they aren’t getting at home.

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are on welfare.

Many bullies come from families that have a tradition of living on welfare. Moreover, in many cases, this goes back a few generations.

Sadly, a few of these bullies may deliberately have babies to draw a welfare check. Therefore, these are the kids who probably don’t care who knows.

However, most school bullies are ashamed of it and may take extreme measures to hide it from the rest of the student body.

Don’t get me wrong, I never look down on anyone who draws assistance. Life happens. We lose our jobs or issues with our health arise.

Therefore, sometimes we need a little help keeping the bills paid. I get that. But when someone tries to be someone they’re not and act like they’re better than the rest, I have an issue with it.

Granted, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it private, because, really, it’s none of anyone’s business. However, when you put on a facade and treat someone so rotten that they don’t want to live anymore, then maybe you deserve to be exposed.

3. Their parents fight all the time.

Many of your classmates may deal with drama at home. They may lie awake at night, hearing Mom and Dad fighting like cats and dogs in the next room.

They may consider this to be the norm. Therefore, they would start altercations at school too. You are what you live.

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are being abused/neglected by parents.

Several of your bullies may be getting their butts kicked at home. Therefore, they come to school to bully and physically attack you and a few others.

Why? Abused children feel powerless. And so, these bullies do it to overcompensate and feel some sense of power. If they have no control over their own lives, they’ll come to school and assert control over someone else’s.

5. Their mothers have a different partner over every night.

So many bullies come to school and called girls whores, sluts, and skanks. However, it may be that these are names they really want to call their own mothers. Many of my bully classmates lived in these types of circumstance.

 Why? Because, in most of these situations, the lovers in these mothers’ lives usually come before the needs of their children.

Moreover, being ignored and neglected can make a child angry after a while. Therefore, they come to school and bully you to get some of that anger out.

Either these mothers may be working in prostitution to pay the bills or they’re desperate and afraid to be alone. No judgement here, but it does happen.

Whatever the case may be, it’s harmful for the kids and may breed some resentment.

6. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

The Bullies have a parent who have an alcohol problem or drug addiction.

Such was the case with many of my school bullies years ago. Many of your bullies may be angry and bitter because they have parents who stay drunk and loaded. These parents usually put drugs and booze before their children.

 Therefore, it may force the family into poverty. Some of the parents may be “mean drunks” and lash out at their children.

Is it any wonder these bullies are so angry? This doesn’t justify their behavior. However, it should make you thankful if you live in a healthy home with loving and attentive parents.

Moreover, it should be a relief to you that your bullies are just as human as you and not the heroes they think they are.

7. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They have a parent who was supposedly a criminal.

One of my female bullies had a parent who was rumored to be a murderer. Although the suspected parent was a big wheel in the town and was never convicted, there was plenty of talk about it around town and everyone knew about it.

I believe there was a bit of shame and embarrassment there and she bullied to make herself feel better.

8. They’re living in abject poverty.

Many bullies may live in trailer parks, shacks, and in the projects. I can remember that some of my bullies didn’t have indoor plumbing and used outhouses for a bathroom- even in the winter.

Because they are ashamed of their living conditions, they’ll come to school and bully you to feel better about themselves.

Moreover, they may also bully you because they’re jealous that you might have life a little better than they do.

9. A parent has abandoned them.

Again, many bullies are full of anger and bitterness. Therefore, when they get to school, they’ll take it out on their vulnerable targets. It gives them a sense of power.

Also, because the parental abandonment throws many of these bullies into poverty, they’re also jealous of targets who have more than they do. Therefore, they bully them as punishment for being from families who are financially better off.

10. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’re victims of sexual abuse by a family member or their mothers’ boyfriends.

These kids feel utterly powerless. So, to not feel so helpless, they’ll jockey for power at school by asserting dominance over their victims.

11. They’ve had multiple abortions.

Many female bullies, especially those who are popular, sleep around. As a result, many become pregnant, sometimes two or three times during school.

Moreover, if their parents are public figures with images to protect, they’ll force their daughters to have abortions to hide it.

Why? Because they fear their perfect little families will come under scrutiny. I remember one girl being forced into one in the sixth grade.

This is not to voice any political viewpoints here. The point is that bullies are far from perfect (but aren’t we all?). 

Yet, they’ll move Heaven and Earth to hide any blemishes and wear a veil of sheer perfection. Moreover, bullies will condemn others for doing the same things they themselves are doing.

Bullies are notorious hypocrites.

12. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’ll go slumming.

Many bullies in the high school preppy crowd will sometimes go to the projects and sleep with some of the women who live there.

I can remember when the parents of two of my bullies found out that they were doing it, they sent them to a group home for the rest of the school year (ninth or tenth grade).

Again, bullies aren’t the shiny, perfect people they’d like you to think they are.

13. One of the teachers who bullied me was sleeping around

Teachers who bully certain students are known to have sordid affairs with some of the athletes on the school sports team.

Years ago, it was common knowledge around my town that my bully teacher was having these types of liaisons. However, because she had connections in town and her father was a businessman, she kept her job.

Moreover, everything was hush-hush around certain people who were allies of hers.

However, when people were at a safe distance and out of earshot of anyone who might have gone back and informed her of who the talkers were, they would trumpet the juicy info loud and proud.

In Conclusion

People can live their lives the way they want. No one is perfect and we all have hang-ups.

As long as it doesn’t affect your life, more power to them. But when they look down on others they deem unworthy of dignity and accuse them of committing the same sins as they do, it’s a clear indicator of gross hypocrisy.

The point is that most bullies have dirty little secrets they don’t want to get out. Always! Why do you think they target you with their vitriol?

It’s all designed to keep the negative spotlight off them and place it on you.

In other words, it’s a way to keep their own closet skeletons from seeing the light of day. Because if everyone is too busy looking at you, they pay less attention to their’ sins, snafus, and faux pas.

This is something you must keep in the back of your mind.

This post was all about things school bullies try to hide and the hypocrisy and double-standards that go along with bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

make new friends app

Make New Friends: 11 Insanely Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

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Are you friendless because bullies have destroyed your reputation? ‘Want to know how to make new friends and keep them? Here are the tried and true ways to attract friends into your life.

make new friends

When bullies have destroyed your good name, people often misjudge you and turn against you. But, what if I told you that there are still numerous opportunities for you to make new friends?

In this post, you will learn the exact steps to make new friends. Moreover, you’ll also learn how to keep them.

Once you learn all these powerful body language techniques and practice them long enough, they’ll become like second nature and you will attract good friends into your life.

Moreover, you will repel bullies and fake friends because they’ll sense that you aren’t the one they want to tangle with.

This post is all about how to make new friends through the use of body language so that you can attract healthy people into your life and repel the fakers.

Make New Friends

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will.

All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Moreover, they won’t want to be around you because they’ll see that you’re a victim. You’ll give off that bullied vibe that will only repeal the good, healthy people and attract bullies and abusers.

In fact, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence.

This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because others see insecurity in you. They may not know what it is nor where it comes from. However, they’ll sense that there’s something about you that’s not right.

Therefore, they’ll only move away from you, not closer. In other words, you won’t attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers.

Why? Because it’s human nature. People attract those who are most like they are.

Healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression while those who are unhealthy attract others who are unhealthy. Life attracts like.

Therefore, you’ll only attract people with low self-esteem. Even worse, you’ll also draw predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

You’d be surprised at how nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles or no smile at all, make you appear unapproachable. It’s the same with closed body language, such as crossing the arms over the chest.

Make New Friends:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. Therefore, don’t beat yourself up over it.

It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that well-meaning people in your life can teach you.

Even better, you can even teach yourself and practice it when you read the right books that teach it. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

And the best part is that, if you practice the methods you learn for long enough, if will come natural to you and you won’t even need to think about it.

Just imagine putting of the right signals and attracting people into your life without effort! Now THAT’S what I call winning!

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at!

However, people can easily spot a fake smile and it will only turn them off. A fake smile repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

Therefore, don’t just smile with your mouth. Do it with your eyes too. A real smile brings crinkles around the outer corners of the eyes. Don’t worry about any wrinkles. Because, trust me! These kinds of wrinkles are so attractive!

2. Make new friends:

Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. Moreover, people love those who take an interest in them.

Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. So, find that happy middle.

3. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. This means the feet should be shoulder-width apart and your hands must be on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

These signals convey confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with them.

Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them.

When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Make new Friends:

Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax!

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Make New Friends:

Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say.

Moreover, it’s downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to.

It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

Make New Friends

In Conclusion:

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit.

Practice them every day until they become second nature. Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

Just as it’s important to know what body language to use to make friends, it’s also equally as important to know what body language to avoid.

This post is all about how to make new friends so that you can draw healthier people into your life and repel the Bullies and other energy vampires.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1.Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by 

2. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

bullying within the family

Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

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‘Want to know how to protect yourself from family bullying and keep peace in the family? Here’s how to preserve your dignity while keeping down the drama.

family bullying

A school or workplace bully is hard enough to deal with. However, dealing with one in the family is an entirely different animal. It’s much worse because it’s a relative and there are ties to them. So, how do you go about refusing a family bully while preserving harmony among the members?

In this post, you will learn the best ways to buffer your self-esteem from the onslaught of bullying in the family and keep the peace.

Once you learn about all these methods, you will better be able to stand up to the bully, preserve your mental health, and save everyone else in the family a ton of drama.

This post is all about family bullying and what you can do to preserve peace not only for yourself but for the entire family.

Family bullying

Family bullying is much more common than most realize. Even the closest of families have that one person who loves to target a certain relative and create drama for everyone. This is a person who’s loud, obnoxious, rude, and can ruin many family outings and shindigs.

I can safely say that I’ve been lucky in this aspect. I’m extremely close to my family members and, in turn, they feel a closeness to me. Moreover, I’ve managed to avoid landing in the sights of the family drama queen/king.

However, from the many stories I’ve heard and articles I’ve read, many people aren’t as blessed.

Christmas is a time of joy and cheer. It’s the season of love, unity, and giving. From Christmas dinners, to gift exchanges, to playing fun games like “Bad Santa,” it’s the time of year when we spend the most time with our families.

However, with the coming holiday season also comes nervousness for many victims of bullying. Targets of a family bully are probably ringing their hands, wondering what to do should a situation arise during Christmas dinner.

Moreover, they’re wondering how they can stand up for themselves without subjecting all the relatives to one big shit show.

If you’re one of them, here are the best ways to refuse a bullying situation during family get-together without ruining a good time.

9 Tips You can use to Protect Yourself and the family from “That One” Relative.

1. Distance yourself from the family bully

Distancing yourself from the troublemaker can work wonders. This means sticking close to other relatives. For example, if it’s your mother who’s hosting Christmas dinner or any other shindig, you could stick close to her by helping her prepare the meal.

Helping with the preparations is one of THE best ways to protect yourself from the family bully because of three things:

1. You’re too busy helping to pay attention to any taunts and verbal assaults.

2. You’re raising your self-esteem by helping out because you’re making yourself useful to your mom. Moreover, you probably noticing the smile on her face as you make things easier for her. It’s psychologically rewarding when you’re able to help relieve someone else’s work and stress.

3. You’re the one helping Mom while the provocateur is standing around running their mouth and trying to stir up drama.

Therefore, you’re allowing the person to expose themselves and make a complete fool out of themselves without knowing it. Pretty good, huh?

2. How Handle Family Bullying:

surround yourself with other relatives who respect you.

Most bullies like to catch their victims alone. Therefore, when you surround yourself with other people who lift your spirits, you deter your harasser. Why? Because the last thing the instigator wants is to look like the bad guy, or worse, have someone else defend you against them.

Moreover, having other people who lift you up and like to have fun is a powerful distraction from the bully and their evil games. You’re too busy having fun with the other family members to give a hoot about the bully and their childish behavior.

Though this may cause the instigator to harass you even worse later, you’re enjoying yourself and the other relatives. Moreover, you’re turning what could be a showdown into a pleasant time for not only yourself but for everyone present.

3. To minimize the effects of family bullying, Defuse the provocateur’s behavior with humor.

In other words, when the instigator calls you a name or makes a derogatory statement toward you, make a joke of it. Or, you can just laugh about it.

Whichever route you choose, you’ll take the wind out of the bully’s sails. Also, the other relatives will get a chance to see just how calm, cool, and collected you are.

Moreover, you’ll expose the harasser for what they truly are and make them look like a fool.

4. avoid being alone with the family troublemaker.

Bullies love to catch you alone to intimidate you. Also, they thrive on silence and secrecy. They will catch you alone and insult you so that later, they can go to the other relatives and lie about you behind your back.

Not that they probably don’t do that anyway. However, if other relations happen to see you alone together, the more likely they are to believe the falsehoods. Therefore, avoid being caught alone and stick close to the others so that this has less chance of happening.

As mentioned in number one, busy yourself helping out around the house. This works wonders!

5. Another way to handle family bullying is to bring another family member to the festivities with you.

Rather than arriving at the holiday celebration alone, bring another family member with you or allow them to bring you. Again, being alone invites bullying but when you’re with someone else, chances of it goes way down.

When you’re with another family member, you’re not as vulnerable. Moreover, the instigator is less likely to mess with you.

Moreover, stick with that family member if you must. Your goal is to keep down any drama and, at the same time, protect yourself.

6. calmly call out their behavior.

This means calling out the troublemaker’s behavior by name.

 To call out bullying and abuse by name means knowing all the terms that are related to them. In other words, you must know terms such as “gaslighting,” “projection,” “distraction,” “defame,” “shaming,” and other such words. You must also know their meanings.

Knowing the names of the bad behavior the bully exhibits will help you call the bully out in a much more clear and intelligible manner. In other words, you won’t seem like you’re rambling.

Moreover, you will be much calmer and more at ease than you would be if you were desperately trying to find the words to describe this person’s actions.

If you haven’t yet learned all the words that describe different tactics of bullying and their definitions, it’s best that you learn them and know them by heart.

The last thing you won’t is for the bully to come back with something to make you look like the bad guy. Knowing this information lessens that likelihood.

7. Handling family bullying also means Refusing to fall for the silent treatment.

Many manipulators employ the silent treatment to get back control of their victims. This is a form of emotional manipulation. Therefore, don’t let it get to you.

The trick is to not care what they do. Or, you can look at the bright side of the silent treatment and welcome it.

In other words, see the silent treatment as the reprieve you’ve been looking for. This is the best way to turn the tables on the dealer of this type of humiliation.

The silent treatment can be a good thing because it means not having to listen to the instigator’s big mouth and the garbage they spew forth.

In other words, when people are avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them being under your butt or in your face all the time. Nobody bothers you, so that’s a huge plus!

Also, enjoy it while it lasts, because once the person catches on that you either don’t care or enjoy the silence, get ready for them to really act out. Therefore, ask yourself this. Who’s really in control, them or you?

So, who’s the one whose really in control here? You or them?

8. watch YOUR CHILDREN.

Sometimes, the bully will get their children to tease your kids. Therefore, keep an eye out. If the troublemaker’s children tease yours, calmly separate them from the other person’s kids.

9. leave and make other arrangements.

If all else fails. It’s best to leave and make other arrangements. Without you, the bully doesn’t have a target. Moreover, you can arrange a Christmas party at your home and invite the family, sans the troublemaker, of course.

And when they come to your place, host the best party for them that you can. After all, they’re your family and they deserve to have the best time you can give them.

So, be a good host/hostess for them.

This post was all about family bullying and what you can do to protect yourself and keep peace among your relatives.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

the effects of bullying at school

The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

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‘Want to know the effects of bullying so that you can take steps to salvage your mental health? Here are all the aftereffects victims suffer.

the effects of bullying

Bullying crushes your spirit. It sucks the joy out of life and reprograms the mind. If you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to believe the lies bullies tell you and see yourself through your bullies’ eyes.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the effects of bullying so that you’ll recognize these aftereffects when you feel them.

Once you learn all about these crushing mental health consequences, you will be more compelled to take steps to protect your self-esteem.

This post is all about the effects of bullying so that you will become proactive in guarding your mental health from social leeches who wish to destroy it.

The Effects of Bullying

Sadly, bullies have ways of making you believe that, just maybe, they have a justifiable reason to bully you. However, you can’t seem to figure what it is.

Realize that this is your first clue that they’re lying to you. In other words, if someone tells you that you deserve bad treatment but can’t give you any reasons why, there may not be any reasons for their behavior.

Therefore, when you try to find out why, you’re probably searching for reasons that aren’t there. Understand that this is a sign that your bullies are only gaslighting you.

However, most victims of bullying don’t stop and think about these things. Therefore, they make extra efforts to explain themselves more clearly. Moreover, they cling to the hope that the bullies will go away and leave them alone.

If you suffer bullying, you must realize that your bullies may give you small reprieves from their harassment. Moreover, they may even act friendly toward you.

However, be warned! This is only a game they play to keep you confused and on the back foot! Put another way, bullies give you those breaks and occasional nicey-nice acts to get your hopes up and make you forget about the past.

Then, all of a sudden, they blindside you with another brutal attack. Therefore, understand that this is a mind-game they play.

This is equal to love-bombing by a person with narcissistic personality disorder. They build you up so that they can tear you back down again.

The effects of bullying: The Push and Pull Technique

Understand that the bullies are using the age-old push and pull technique to keep you trying to make friends out of them.  As a result, it only keeps you trapped inside the bully/victim dynamic.

They will also recruit others to side with them. Again, they do all this to keep you confused.  But know that this is how bullies maintain power over you.

In other words, if your bullies can keep your hopes up, it’s likely that you’ll feel compelled to keep jumping through hoops to prove yourself worthy.

The reprieves have the same purpose.

Here’s how it goes: Bullies stop bullying you for a while, and once you let your guard down and begin feeling safe and confident again, BAM! They attack! Therefore, realize that bullies, like all abusers, do this deliberately!

 Over time, bullying can cause these 20 effects on you:

1. Hyper-vigilance

You’re always on guard. You no longer trust yourself to act on your own volition and spontaneity or make your own decisions.

In other words, you’re constantly self-monitoring. You carefully construct your every move so that you don’t look weird, st*pid, or off-putting to others.

Spontaneity is gone. For instance, if something is funny, most people laugh without having to think about it. That’s spontaneity. When you can even laugh at something funny because you’re too afraid of what others will think, that’s a bad sign.

Also, you don’t make your own decisions and act on your own volition because you’re afraid others will criticize you for it.

2. The Effects of Bullying:

Increasing self-doubt

Bullying fills you with uncertainty of how you come across to others. Moreover, you feel you must be extra careful not to be or sound too sensitive or like you’re whining when you report the abuse.

You doubt your abilities and your worth. Moreover you allow your bullies to gaslight you into believing that you somehow cause their abuse when you really do not.

3. You think that something is wrong with you.

Bullies often convince you that something is wrong with you. In fact, they may even try to make you believe that everything is wrong with you. However, you must realize that this is what they want you to think. Why? Because bullies are afraid that if you ever notice that they’re the ones with the issues, you just might grow a spine and tell them to piss off!

4. You second-guess yourself.

This is a close brother to self-doubt. You constantly wonder. “Did I make the right choice?” “Am I being too sensitive?” “Do I measure up to everyone else?”

Understand that this is no way to live. Therefore, it’s imperative that you stop caring what people think and just do what makes you feel good. Free yourself from the chains of other people’s approval and you experience total freedom.

5. The Effects of Bullying:

You Constantly replay and review bullying incidents to figure out what went wrong.

In other words, you ruminate. You mind plays the scenario over and over like a broken record. However, this often leaves you feeling worse.

So, stop this now! Realize that nothing went wrong but your bullies’ deplorable behavior. You must realize that you can’t control others behavior.

Each person decides how they’re going to act toward you. And once you realize that people choose how to treat you, you will no longer feel the need for any replays.

6. You lose your zest for life.

In other words, you lose your happiness and peace of mind. Also, you lose the excitement of things to come.

7. You lose your confidence.

Once you lose confidence in yourself, you’ll be to afraid to try new things for fear of failure. Moreover, you’ll give up on yourself.

As a result, you’ll live a mediocre life.

8. You have a constant inner critic.

In other words, you often engage in negative self-talk, even if it’s in your mind.

9. The Effects of Bullying:

You fear that you’re going bonkers.

Bullies have ways of making you feel like you’re going stark raving mad. This is due to the incessant gaslighting they dish out to keep you from noticing that it’s them who have the issues and not you.

10. You have a dreadful sense that time is passing and you’re missing out

When people bully you, they’ll block you from having friends and enjoying positive experiences that others get to enjoy. Therefore, bullying can give victims FOMO and the sense that they are, in fact, missing out on a lot of things in life.

11. You get a growing sense that you aren’t happy but you should be.

Bullying strips you of any happiness you might otherwise enjoy. Moreover, what bit of happiness you do manage to scrounge up for yourself is often an illusion.

For example, you might attach yourself to the wrong people and attract friends who are fake and only come around when they need something from you.

And you may think that they really care for you when they really don’t. That kind of happiness is a mirage and it’s fleeting.

12. The Effects of Bullying:

You believe you can’t do anything right.

Bullies have ways of making you believe that everything under the sun is wrong with you. Moreover, they make you think that you can’t do anything right.

Therefore, know that they have the issues, not you and that there are many things you can do right. See your bullies for who they are. And who they are, are your enemies who are out to destroy your confidence in your abilities.

13. You feel discombobulated and off-balance.

Bullying and peer abuse makes you feel off-balance. The bewilderment and confusion bullies cause you is the reason for it. Therefore, learn everything you can about bullying.

This means reading and learning about bullying from all angles! Moreover, it means learning about different types of bullies, their tactics, and the mindset behind those tactics.

I promise you that once you learn all about these things, you will feel so much better about yourself. Even better, you will be able to protect yourself more effectively.

14. You have a distrust in relationships.

Bullying can cause you to fear being harmed and suffering more bullying in the future. Therefore, you shut everyone out to be safe.

However, this is bad because, any time you withdraw from others, you cheat yourself out of wonderful opportunities to make friends. Moreover, you miss out on those who might prove to be true friends and wonderful assets to your life.

So, see total strangers as opportunities and give them a chance because, you just never know.

15. The Effects of Bullying:

You lose faith in humanity.

In other words, you adopt the belief that all people are inherently evil and enjoy seeing others suffer. Bullying can make you believe that other people just aren’t safe.

16. You have an overwhelming desire to escape and get away from the bullying environment.

When you’ve suffered severe and long-term bullying from the same toxic people in the same toxic place, all you want to do is to get away from the creeps! This goes especially if circumstances, such as finances, keep you stuck there.

Understand that this feeling is normal and that one day, a door will open and you’ll get the opportunity to pick up and leave. So, don’t give up hope.

17. You constantly live in the future.

In other words, you believe, “things will be better when I graduate.”  Or, you may think, “Life will get better when I turn eighteen.”

The running theme in your mind will be that life will get better when you get another job, move away, get married, have children, etc.

Child and teen victims of school bullying often wish for the future. Therefore, because of the bullying you suffer in school now, you long for the future.

You daydream about the day when you can finally graduate and get away from the creeps who make your existence at school a living hell.

However, know that this is normal for anyone in your situation and it isn’t your fault.

The Effects of Bullying:

In Conclusion

If bullies are making your life a nightmare and you have any of the above symptoms, leave the toxic place, if you can. Why? Because, any time you’re so hurt and perplexed that you cannot tell which end is up, you’re living in hell, and it’s no way to live.

You deserve peace, happiness, and confidence. Go where you can flourish, and your spirit can get the nourishment it desperately needs.

This post is all about the effects of bullying so that you can recognize the symptoms and take steps to get your life back on track.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

2. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

3. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

4. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden

Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me? Here are 5 Reasons to Beware!

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If you’ve a victim of bullying, you’ve probably had situations where you’ve asked yourself, “why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden?” Moreover, the pleasantries seemed to come out of the blue.

Here are all the possible reasons they do this and why you should be very cautious.

why is my bully being nice to me

Anytime your bullies suddenly act nice to you, it leaves you confused and bewildered. Or worse, it may have filled you with new hope. However, don’t get too comfortable.

In this post, you will learn all the answers to your question, “why is my bully being nice to me?”

Once you learn all these answers, you will be able to see through their niceties and take steps to protect yourself against any dirty tricks.

This post gives you all the answers to the question, “why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can guard yourself accordingly and avoid any traps your bullies may set for you.

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

 If nothing else, know this! You should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being nice to you. Why? Because bullies will always pull this number when they need you to let down your defenses.

Therefore, they pour on the sweetness and try to butter you up.

Again, I can’t stress this enough! If you ever see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, beware! Because it’s probably an act!

So, What are the signs of fake kindness?

Before we get into the reasons bullies play nice with you, lets first discuss the signs that their pleasantries are fake.

1. A sudden change of heart

Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Moreover, trust needs a considerable amount of time to build.

Therefore, just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who is usually brutal toward you just ups and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!

2. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to ME?”

Flattery/Sweet-Talk

Bullies have a higher understanding of human nature than most. In other words, they instinctively know that after they’ve bullied their victim over a certain amount of time, that person is more likely to be hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness.

Put another way, bullies can sense that the victim is vulnerable. And they will take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because your bullies will overdo the pleasantries. They’ll use excessive flattery. And, man! Do they lay it on thick!

Therefore, if they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

3. A fake smile

As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.

4. Micro-flashes

If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces. Moreover, you’ll notice them when your bullies think you aren’t looking or paying attention.

Therefore, don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

5. “Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away

Moreover, they’ll look at you until you turn your back, then they’ll give each other knowing glances. Or, they may look at each other and give a wink, a nod, or both.

These are a dead giveaway! Therefore, give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests.

Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous?

You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Listen to your gut!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. Therefore, if something doesn’t feel right, that’s usually your first clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.

“Why is my Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Here’s a scenario:

So, it appears that your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re an equal.

They’re smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them.

However, you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet, too sweet! You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

Moreover, you notice a slight fake in the tones of their voices. Instead of making you feel good about yourself, they make you feel gross. But you don’t mention it to them. You only stay polite yet neutral.

In fact, the bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and shindigs. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you.

There it is again! That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach!

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

“Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

1. They’re nosy.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other.

Moreover, they will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal details about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease. Why? Because they’re hoping that you’ll get comfortable enough to share a few of yours.

Again. Don’t fall for it!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!

“Why is My bully being nice to me?”

Here are your answers:

1. They want something from you.

You can bet they do! Why else would bullies be nice to you all of a sudden when they hated your guts the day before? They may want money or something material. Moreover, they may want you to do something for them.

Whatever it is, don’t give it to them. Know that they aren’t being authentic and you should be on your guard. Why?

Because once you give them what they want, they’ll go right back to being the assholes they were before. Even worse, you’ll end up feeling like an idiot for falling for their bullshit!

2. They’re trying to set you up for trouble.

Your bullies could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.

Therefore, before they set the trap, they must find ways to bring down your defenses and gain your trust.

Again, don’t fall for it. Put some distance between yourself and your bullies because you can bet they’re playing you for a sucker!

3. They’re planning to pump personal information out of you to use against you later.

And when they do, your bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

4. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

They mean to keep you confused.

Sometimes, bullies play the hot and cold game to bewilder you and keep you on the back foot. Therefore, after they’ve pull this crap on you a few times, see it for what it is. A mind game!

Then disengage and have nothing more to do with them!

5. They fear getting into trouble.

Often, bullies may act nice to you to keep their butts out of trouble. However, once the threat is over, they’ll go back to being the same creeps they were. Therefore, don’t fall for the act.

Tell them to get away from you and stay away!

In Conclusion:

Let’s do a quick summary.

  • When people who treated you like garbage suddenly decide that you’re the best thing since sliced bread? Look out!
  • When bullies put on the nice act, they’ll gush over you and pour on the compliments. They’ll tell you how wonderful you are and that they got you all wrong and misjudged you.
  • Also, they’ll show you excessive attention and laugh at your jokes with their counterfeit laughs.
  • Your internal alarm will go off in the pit of your gut because something will feel “off” about these little encounters.
  • Your bullies will be so sappy with their niceties.
  • They’ll stand a little too close, and gush over your small wins and accomplishments.
  • They will seem to latch on to you like a tick to a dog.
  • You’re first thought may be, “Ewww,” “Yuck,” or any other utterance of total disgust.
  • Their sweetness will be downright sickening.

My advice is to get away from these people. Fast! Because they’re up to something. You might not know what that “something” is.

However, for your safety, ditch these fools and have nothing to do with them. If something feels wrong, listen closely. Your instinct never lies.

this post answer the question, “Why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can keep your guard up and see through the nice act.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies

2. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

4. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples