Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

December 12, 2024December 9, 202414 Comments

If you’re wondering whether forgiving someone means that you must have them in your life, be assured that forgiveness does not require reconnection. So, do you want to know why? Here are the reasons that you can forgive someone without allowing them into your life.

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you must continue to keep in contact with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that it’s okay to forgive and continue to keep the transgressor at arms length.

Once you learn that forgiveness does not require reconnection, there will no longer be any confusion on the requirements of forgiveness. Therefore, you will no longer feel guilty about not associating with the transgressor.

The purpose of this post is to re-assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection so that you can feel better about keeping your distance from someone you don’t trust.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection

However, forgiveness is still necessary for you to live a happy life after bullying.

The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive. I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. And only you can know when you’re ready.

Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay. Moreover, it does it mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you.

However, when you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Forgiveness does not require reconnection but It’s a must for empowerment.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness.

To forgive is not about letting anyone off the hook; it’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate, which can only hold you back.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you that for me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. There’s truly no better feeling!

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. Although, they may have exerted control over the years they bullied you, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

In other words, holding onto and carrying around anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you.

Why? Because the people you hate and hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

Therefore, while you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind?

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

Put another way, if you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection:

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that is so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness, such as a heart attack or stroke.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

Forgiveness does not require reconnection nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, there are people who won’t mind wiping their feet all over you but will be greatly offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know good and well they wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react, then tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

Go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. During constructive things like these will give you closure

Forgiveness does not require reconnection.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy, forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too may people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them but there’s no law that says you have to trust them again. It’s better that you don’t trust them.

Some people you must forgive from afar.

This post is here to assure you that forgiveness does not require reconnection in some situations and with some people.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

5. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

6. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

December 11, 2024December 11, 20241 Comment

‘Want to know how bullies gain power so that you can use it to your advantage and better protect yourself?

If you’ve ever been a victim of bullying, you’ve probably wondered how bullies magically do bad stuff, convince authority to side with them, and get away with it. Moreover, you’ve wondered how they seem to advance quickly and bypass any rules.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how bullies gain power so that you can call it out and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these details, you will be able to better understand this dynamic, prepare yourself, and use it to your advantage.

This post will give you the answers to how bullies gain power so that you can know what to expect with bullies and defend yourself against them.

How bullies gain power

First, lets talk about the reasons bullies crave power.

Why Bullies Crave Power

Simple. Because it feels good.

“Power is not what you have. It’s what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Bullies crave power like a kid craves candy, even if that power is only an illusion. And, let’s face it, power tastes delicious.

Power feels good because it gets people prestige, street cred, notoriety, and popularity. Moreover, power has a way of cushioning the ego. As we already know, most bullies lives are meaningless outside the bullying environment (school, work, community, etc.).

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions?

1. They’re notorious suck-ups.

Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side. Understand that bullies are very convincing liars and they use charm and allure to disarm authority.

Also, most people in authority love it when people suck up to them and bullies instinctively know this. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR are more likely to overlook it.

This makes it easier for them to thumb rides on others’ coattails.

Moreover, in school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. Moreover, many impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs.

Add that to their parents having connections with town and city big-shots, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

2. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Taking credit for other people’s work and ideas.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain.

However, they somehow convinced supervisors and managers that they were the brightest of the bunch. Also, the bullies were the ones who always seem to get all the promotions and bonuses.

It turned out that these creeps were taking credit for the works and ideas of others. And when I discovered this, it hit me. This is why incompetent bullies are so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Additionally, bullies undermine the accomplishments and successes of other employees. Moreover, they talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers they view as threats.

Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and worse, rewarded for it?
The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

3. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. Moreover, they’ve done it for long enough that they have learned what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they’re master manipulators who are skilled in the arts of deception.

Also, bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their atrocious behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who use charm to deceive those in authority. This brings us to number four.

4. How Bullies Gain Power:

Bullies are charming to the right people.

In other words, as mentioned in number 1, they kiss ass. But here’s another thing to consider. Bullies can weaponize this charm against their victims.

How?

Again, most bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they have ways of winning people over and making them their allies.

Therefore, with their good name, the bully has everyone (except the victim) fooled. For example, let’s look at the seemingly sweet, innocent girl who bullies another girl who threatens her position in a school.

Others want to be like her. She seems like a winner. Everyone loves her and envies her seemingly charmed life.

The bullied girl reports her. However, others just can’t believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm a fly.

Here’s another example:

Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

He seemingly comes from good family. He’s the star of the football team, has good college prospects, and his future looks bright. However, he bullies a smaller boy and beats him badly enough to send him to the hospital. All because the boy is smaller!

The bullied boys’ parents press charges. But sadly, no one believes that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

5. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Having many friends who cherish them.

Therefore, even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will act as if they didn’t see anything. In other words, they will cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

6. There is strength in numbers.

Understand that most bullies attack in groups, or more appropriately, mobs. Being in a mob gives people tremendous power and bullies know it. Therefore, people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that packs a mighty punch.

This can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless. And this stands, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

In other words, if enough people are against you, you don’t have a chance in hell.

However, know this. Individually, most bullies don’t have a life. In other words, they need the mob to prop them up. So, the power they get from being a part of a mob adds “meaning” to their lives that they could never get by any other means. Power is what gives bullies a cause and a purpose in life.

Moreover, in a group, they can bully a target, lose themselves in the bullying, and get a degree of anonymity.

Therefore, bullies are much safer in the group. The group shields each bully from taking any responsibility for their appalling behavior. Groups provide protection from exposure and personal consequences.

How Bullies Gain Power: Each Individual member does so from the group

So, how do you fight back against a mob?

One way is to call out one or two of their members by their names and tell them to “get a grip,” “knock it off,” or “calm down.”

It’s true. I recently read this in a book about survival and it makes perfect sense. Anytime you call out a few members of a mob by their names, it brings them back to themselves by personalizing them.

What you’re doing is basically, separating them from the mob when you loudly call out their name. How I wish I’d known this earlier in life.

7. How Bullies Gain Power:

They use projection.

Bullies project all their faults and shortcomings onto their victims. In other words, they switch the roles and paint the victim as the instigator and themselves the innocent victim who was only defending themselves.

However, when that doesn’t work and they do face accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victim-hood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies, who also use feminine charm to deceive.

8. They use gaslighting.

In other words, they add their own spin to make you feel like the villain. Your bullies may lay guilt trips on you trying to convince you that you had it coming.

Also, they may try to tell you that the abuse is just your imagination. They may even tell others who will listen that you’re mentally unhinged to discredit you.

However, you must realize that bullies are masters at this. Don’t allow them to gaslight you! Don’t fall for their BS!

9. They use intimidation and fear tactics.

Bullies may threaten you with social consequences to keep you quiet. Also, they may even threaten physical violence. Moreover, they may threaten your friends or family members if you don’t comply with their wishes.

Therefore, it’s wise to pick and choose your battles. In other words, if you know the bully to be a blowhard, then don’t fall for this. However, if the bully is known to harm others’ especially go after friends and family of their victims, defend yourself with caution.

The sooner you learn all about these human predators, the more you’ll know what to look for and how to protect yourself and other innocent victims. Then, you can find ways to use your bullies’ antics as your own power.

This post was about how bullies gain power and how to recognize each power play.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

December 10, 2024December 9, 202444 Comments

‘Want to know how to overcome unnecessary fear? Here are several simple tricks that every victim of bullying needs to know.

Bullies thrive on fear and if you’re a victim of bullying, the fear they instill in you controls you and controls your life. Truth be known, you’re probably wondering how to overcome unnecessary fear and free yourself from it’s grip.

In this post, you will learn how to get rid of the fear, stand up to your bullies, and take back control of your life.

Once you learn all these mind hacks, you will no longer be afraid to stand your ground, set boundaries, and live life on your terms.

This post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can have finally liberate yourself from bullying and have more freedom and autonomy.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

Fear is the strongest of all emotions. It’s an excellent asset in a genuinely hazardous situation where there’s the threat of immediate harm. However, it can be the most dangerous and paralyzing emotion in situations that don’t warrant your being afraid.

Understand that this kind of fear is THE number one tool in the bully’s toolbox. Bullies use it as a means to manipulate you and control every aspects of your life.

Realize that the power of fear is the only power bullies hold, and they don’t use it sparingly. Moreover, bullies instinctively know that real or perceived fear will shut down your rational and cognitive thinking abilities.

As a result, they can manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.

Next, let’s discuss the negative effects this fear has on your life.

How does unnecessary fear impact your life?

1. It strips away your personal power.

It weakens you, making you completely powerless to stop unpleasant circumstances from happening in your life. And most of these situations are those you could otherwise control.

2. by tearing apart your ability to reason.

Fear automatically shuts down the logical part of your brain and the survival part of your mind takes over.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

3. Fear discourages you from taking action in situations that require it.

You’re too afraid to take the risk that it might not produce the desired outcome. However, what if it does? This is what you should ask yourself every time you fear acting on something.

4. It strips away your ability to make your own choices and decisions.

Instead you only make choices that benefit your bullies because you’re afraid they’ll retaliate.

5. By discouraging you from defending and protecting yourself from harm.

Again, you’re frightened of standing up for yourself because of the risk of your bullies physically beating you up or retaliating psychologically.

6. Fear forces you to put your wants and needs on the back burner and shackles you to the self-interests of bullies and abusers.

Instead of taking care of your own priorities, you allow your bullies to force you to work to further their interests. Moreover, you never get a chance to do anything to make yourself happy.

Therefore, you must find ways to overcome this unnecessary fear. Moreover, you must gather the courage to stand up to your bullies and tell them to take a hike. They may retaliate. However, let them. Anything is better than putting up with unsavory people mentally enslaving you.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

A fearful person is easier for bullies to control than a fearless one.

Bullies have long understood the power of deliberately inducing fear in their victims to control and dominate them. Moreover, they know that it reaps them rewards.

These kinds of people maintain their oppressive grip on you by threatening some kind of repercussions on you if you don’t comply with their wishes. They then brag to others that they have the power to decide whether you get to live in peace and be safe from harm.

Also, they may tell you that if you do what they want or say what they want to hear, they will leave you alone. Additionally, they also demand that you do it willingly and without getting mouthy and catching a funky attitude.

However, we all know how this usually goes. Bullies don’t keep promises. They only keep you hanging.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that your bullies greatly benefit from your fear, and they won’t give those benefits up without a fight.

How do Bullies exploit your fear?

There are 5 ways bullies use fear to control you.

1. spreading rumors and gossip

Bullies have a knack for making even the most ridiculous lies sound like the truth. Moreover, they make the most insidious abuse respectable, even admired.

They’ll slander you to keep you silent and ensure that you don’t speak out about the abuse. Also, they do it to isolate you and lessen the chances of anyone supporting you.

If they can turn everyone against you, then who’s going to believe you when you finally speak out about the violence?

Bullies will use your fear to turn others against you and recruit them to become willing participants in the abuse. Therefore, if nothing else, remember this:

Even the kindest of people can become willing co-conspirators because humans behave much differently in groups, then they do on their own.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

– Voltaire

How to overcome Unnecessary fear:

2. Bullies use Repetition

In other words, bullies will repeat their physical, psychological, or relational aggression. Moreover, they will do this over long periods of time to strengthen and solidify your fear.

They also continuously beat down your self-esteem and confidence to ensure that you don’t protect yourself or rebel against the abuse.

Understand that this is a type of coercive conditioning or brainwashing. Why? Because it’s specifically designed to break your will and get you to submit and accept more abuse.

Bullies may also repeatedly use the old bait and switch. In other words, they may make you empty promises of safety and security. Again, bullies don’t keep promises and will usually inflict pain on you anyway.

3. Gaslighting

If the bullies can make you question your own sanity, they can discredit you in the eyes of bystanders, witnesses and authority members.

Moreover, if they can cause you to doubt your own perception of the abuse, they can, therefore, cause you not to believe your own experiences.

And if your abusers can make you believe you must have done or said something to deserve the cruelty, all the better! Then you’ll surely keep quiet and do as you’re told.

4. To control everyone else

Bullies also use fear to control your peers and any bystanders. Moreover, they send the message that if anyone else dares to help you or associate with you, they too will suffer the bullies’ wrath.

Therefore, bullies use everyone else’s fear to control them too.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

How do you overcome your fear?

1. Gain knowledge of bullies and bullying.

Knowledge is power. Therefore learn everything you can on the subjects.

This means researching the psychology of bullies and bullying. In other words, learn why bullies bully and where their abuse comes from. For example, do they bully for social status or to keep from being bullied themselves?

Moreover, learn where their abuse comes from. Does it come from low self-esteem, sadism, arrogance, or a feeling of superiority?

Also, know what your bullies’ intentions and motivations are. Are they trying to get attention or admiration from others?

Finally, learn which tactics different bullies use and how it effects victims.

Additionally, you must also gain knowledge of human nature and tactics of warfare. You must also know the ways people attain power, psychology, and dark psychology.

Reading about the Dark Triad- Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism wouldn’t be a bad idea.

2. Stop worrying about any outcomes.

Once you detach yourself from the outcome of a situation, you automatically detach yourself from fear.

3. be not concerned with what others think.

In other words, stop worrying about what people think. Once you release yourself from others opinions, you release yourself from fear.

4. become angry.

Anger is one hell of a motivator. This means finally getting fed up and you’ll know when you’re fed up. Moreover, once you get mad because you’re sick of your bullies jerking you around, fear immediately becomes a non-issue.

To put it plainly, anger is the one emotion that drives away fear. Why? Because once you become angry, you no longer care. Damn the consequences! You’re finally ready to do something about this!

Only then will you gather the courage to make a stand and change your life for the better.

5. how to overcome unnecessary fear: Prepare yourself to fight! And fight like hell.

Whether you must do it physically or employ psychological warfare, you must fight for your right to be left alone. In that, you fight for your safety, your self-esteem, your peace, your happiness, and, in extreme cases of bullying, your very existence.

**this post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can take your life back and start doing you!**

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

December 9, 2024December 4, 202414 Comments

‘Want to know why people bully and the benefits bullies reap at your expense? Here are the things your bullies feel they have to gain from bullying you so that you can call it out and bust them.

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably wonder what it is your bullies have to gain from bullying you. Therefore, here are the exact benefits your bullies get at your expense and what you can do to protect yourself.

In this post, you will learn why people bully and exactly what it is that motivates them.

Once you learn all about the psychological payoffs of bullying, you will be able to more clearly call out their behavior so that you will have a better chance of defending yourself.

This post gives you all the reasons why people bully so that you can know what motivates your bullies and call it out by name.

Why People Bully

Someone came to me with a burning question that I used to ask all the time. I am certain that millions of people worldwide have asked the same question, “Why do People Bully?”

There are many answers, and they all depend on the individual bully. Therefore, before we get into the reasons for bullying and the benefits bullies look for, let’s discuss three different types of bullies.

1. Spoiled, Coddled bullies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

These kinds of bullies bully because they are arrogant and overconfident. They truly believe that they are superior to you and better you and anyone else.

Therefore, they’ll stop at nothing to let you know who’s boss. You must understand that these creeps are self-entitled, self-serving, and have no empathy.

With these types, the ends always justify the means. They do everything possible to keep the spotlight on themselves and hog all the attention. Moreover, they consider themselves highly privileged.

Also, they’re jealous of anyone who outshines or outdoes them in any way. Why? Because they believe that any happiness, successes, accolades, and victories should be reserved for only them.

Therefore, if you have a talent that brings you recognition, look out! Because these bullies will punish you for it. And they will pull out all the stops to crush your self-esteem and kill your confidence to bring you down.

You’ll often find these people in the popular and preppy crowd at school. Also, they’ll be in the “Good Ole Boy” clique at work. Moreover, these bullies will often be jocks, cheerleaders, and sorority/fraternity nuts at school. They may also work in management or be one of the suck-ups at work.

2. Why People Bully:

Hurting and Victimized Bullies (Bully-Victims)

These bullies bully because they are being bullied themselves. The abuse could be happening either in the home, at school, in the workplace, or all three.

These aggressors feel powerless. Therefore, to reclaim some of the power that has been stripped away from them, they bully those even weaker than they are.

Bully-victims have a strong need to feel like they have control over something in their lives.

Here’s an example:

A child is yelled at by his parents, then he gets mad, goes outside, and kicks the dog. This is why I call this type of bullying, “Kicking the Dog.”

Moreover, no one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, “Shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.”

So, to stay off the bottom, these types will often find someone else to bully, so they don’t feel like they’re the ones stuck in the basement.

Just as people fight to stay on top of the social hierarchy, there are also those who fight just as hard to stay off the bottom. Hence, the reason victims of bullying often become bullies themselves.

3. Why People Bully:

Bullies who Are Followers, Drones, and Wannabes

These bullies are to be pitied because they are quite pathetic when you really think of it. This is because they will suck up to the in-crowd (the narc bullies).

Therefore, they do this by either bullying those lower on the social totem pole. Or, they’ll simply join the popular bullies in tormenting you.

Figuratively, when a person from the in-crowd tells them to jump. These wannabes will ask, “How high?” Moreover, these people often become followers, minions, groupies, and flying monkeys.

They’ll do the dirty work of the bullies with narcissistic personality disorder. In other words, they’ll serve as their yes-men.

However, understand that these people are only kiss-butts and brown-noses. They’re only bully you hoping for acceptance into the popular crowd. Also, they do it because they’re afraid of becoming the next target.

Different people bully for different reasons. When we can distinguish the reasons each bully bullies we can better prepare and protect ourselves.

Why people Bully:

What are the benefits Bullies gain at your expense?

Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does anything without some sort of psychological payoff. Therefore, bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power

Simply put, bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Therefore, anytime a bully takes you down, they get a tremendous rush of power. They also become addicted to that rush.

This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more. It’s no different from having a drug addiction. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while. Therefore, the bullies must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbally abusing you lose their thrill, your bullies will grow bored with it. Therefore, your bullies will often escalate the abuse.

They’ll resort to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a junkie builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Why People Bully:

Popularity

Bullies bully because, sadly, many people think it’s cool or cute. Therefore, they see it as a means for increased social status.

‘You see? Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility. Bullying isn’t only a way for bullies to exert power but it gains them the popularity they crave.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bullies’ social status is increased, while yours is reduced.

Moreover, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to some people’s sense of self-worth than money and material wealth.

Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if your bullies are dead broke.

On the other hand, if the bully does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

3. To Compensate for a shortcoming

We’ll use a lack of money and material wealth, for example.

Most bullies don’t have a lot of money. And these are the types who achieve social status through exploitation of your mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

Bullying is not a healthy way to achieve social status. Therefore, a healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement.

The achievement could be joining a positive movement or donating to a charity. However, one tiny mistake can instantly tarnish one’s reputation and all the good they’ve done.

The world is, sadly, quick to blame a person for any negative qualities or actions while slow to forgive or to give credit for good deeds. Moreover, bullies instinctively know this and take full advantage of it.

However, the only way that broke bullies can excel up the social hierarchy is by demeaning others. And they do it by taking the tiniest mistake you make, adding to it, and blowing it up to decrease your social ranking.

4. Why People Bully:

Superiority

Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength. Moreover, it sends a message to you and others that he’s a badass, and that they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s top dog.

Therefore, your bullies will torture you to keep up that facade.

5. Attention and Sympathy

Many people do it to distract others’ attention away from their own behavior. Therefore, if the bully can make you look the devil reincarnate, people won’t pay so much attention to her evil deeds.

For example, if she picks a fight with you and you stand up to her, she can make you look like the villain. Afterwards, she gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give her.

6. Distraction from their own shortcomings

Bullies are experts at making you look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to your weaknesses, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects.

Why? Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

7. Why People Bully:

Projection of their own flaws onto someone else

Bullies have a flare for accusing you of the same deplorable shit that they do themselves. Therefore, if your bullies can make you look like the troublemaker, then they can go unpunished.

Moreover, they can continue to attack you freely and with impunity. Again, this also takes the focus off their own misdeeds.

8. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing you suffer

Your bullies love to see you suffer. For them, your misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. In other words, just knowing that they can determine how you feel and how your day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them. The way to do this is to see your bullies for the weak wusses they really are.

Realize that bullies bully because they’re great big cowards. They have no persuasion skills. In fact, they have no redeemable qualities. Therefore, the only way they cam be effective is to bully their way through life.

Keep this in the back of your mind.

9. To tighten the bonds in their group

By tormenting you, bullies garner support from others who are just like them and who share the same values. After all, bullying is most effective in group situations, where people unite to serve a certain objective.

Therefore, know that bullies never work alone. They always have people backing them.

Group bullying gives talentless bullies a sense of belonging. Also, it tightens the bonds among members of the group.

Furthermore, this collective bullying also makes them more successful in bringing you down than if the bullies worked alone.

Another advantage to group bullying is the mob mentality it produces. It’s a dark part of human nature that people conform and imitate the behaviors of other members of the group. Therefore, in groups, bullies have more power and can make a much bigger impact.

Bullies Never Work Alone, They’re Too Cowardly

10. Why people Bully:

They Can’t Achieve Social Power any other way.

Understand that people who bully others to achieve social gain can never achieve it any other way.

These types of people are the talentless, the lazy, and the incompetent. Moreover, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these bullies exactly as they are – empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

11. They See Bullying As An Aphrodisiac

That’s what bullying is to bullies, an aphrodisiac. In other words, it’s the only way these people can feel good. Again, hurting you is like a drug to them. It’s highly addictive because it gives them a massive rush of power.

You must understand that targeting others for bullying is how they find meaning in their lives. And the only excitement they can add to their meaningless lives is through mistreating you.

In short, bullies bully because they enjoy it.

People crave power, fame, notoriety, and influence- even the best of them. But most can get those through love, through their hobbies, jobs, talent, and creativity.

On the other hand, bullies don’t have these things going for them. Some might have jobs but aren’t satisfied in their positions. So, they abuse people instead.

And once you’re no longer available to them because you either quit or move away, the aphrodisiac isn’t there anymore. So, what will they do?

They’ll search for a new victim to get their next fix. Moreover, they may even turn on one of their friends if they can’t find a target outside their peer group.

Why People Bully:

It’s Not You, It’s Them!

If you’re a target of bullies. You are not the one with the issues.

Your bullies are the ones who have the problems. They are the ones who are mentally unbalanced. Therefore, they are the ones who belong in mental institutions.

However, they only hide it behind their undermining and degrading of you and others. Realize that they’re only projecting their problems onto you.

Your bullies are using you as a distraction. And they have to work hard at it, which doesn’t make for a good life.

Always remember that, and their insults and stupidity won’t bother you as much. I promise you!

This post was about the reasons why people bully and where their abuse comes from so that you can know what bullies are really about and have more confidence in yourself when they come for you.

1. Why is Self Acceptance Important? 21 Must-Know Reasons

2. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

3. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

4. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

5. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

December 7, 2024December 5, 20247 Comments

‘Want to know why your bullies set the explaining trap for you and how you should respond to it? Here are several reasons they use this tactic and what you can do to blow them off and save your energy.

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into falling into the explaining trap. It’s a trap because, no matter how you much you explain things to the bullies, they will only pretend not to understand. Moreover, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the explaining trap, why bullies use it, and what you can do to shut them down.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to confidently stonewall them. And the best part is that you’ll save your time and energy for better things.

This post is all about the explaining trap and what you can do to protect yourself from bullies and abusers who use it.

The Explaining Trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet, bullies are good at getting their victims to explain themselves on things that don’t need to be explained.

Worst of all, victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Why do Bullies use this evil technique?

1. To throw you off-balance

Again, bullies love to trick you into explaining yourself. However, no matter how much you explain, the bullies will only act as if they don’t understand your explanation. Or, they simply won’t accept it, no matter how logical it may be.

Moreover, your bullies will keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trap! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.

2. The Explaining Trap

To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later

‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more chances they have to reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you sooner or later.

Moreover, they may use this psychological weaponry either the next day, or even years later.

You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.

For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”

You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.

3. To trip you up

Oftentimes, when bullies dupe you into explaining anything to them, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.

Therefore, chances are that you won’t be able to keep your story straight, no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.

So, What do you do?

In other words, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength?

There are several smart ways to respond to the explaining trap.

1. “You know what you did.”

For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.

You want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Realize that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! In fact, you don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.

2. “You know when it happened.”

You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”

All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.

The trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. In other words, use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.

Because, again, you don’t owe them shit!

3. the explaining trap:

“Stop Pretending you don’t know what you did.”

This response is especially good! Why? Because, not only are you not explaining anything to them, you’re also calling out what your bullies are trying to do. And they’re trying to play you – to pretend they don’t know what they did to piss you off.

Therefore, you keep the upper hand with this comeback. Even better, you keep your self-respect and dignity.

4. “Just Stop it!”

This is another smart response. It’s short, it’s to the point, and it’s only three little words! Moreover, you’re setting a boundary any time you say “Stop.”

Also, you can say this if your bullies continue to ask more questions. With this response, you immediately cut off any further manipulation. In fact, you stop it dead in it’s tracks!

And, once you say it, put up your hand and walk away.

5. “What Are You? Five?”

This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like fools!

Therefore, you win!

6. The Explaining Trap:

“Do I Have to spell it out for you?”

This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like clueless dingbats. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.

Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and make them look stewwwwpid!

However, most victims, sadly, miss that opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.

Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.

7.”Just get out of here.”

This is a good comeback because it tells the bullies that you won’t allow them to manipulate you. Moreover, it also lets them know that you don’t want them around. And, if witnesses are around to see it, it only makes it that much better!

Another great thing about this response is that you can modify it to suit your particular style of communication. You can substitute it with, “Get lost,” “Hit the road,” “Get bent,” and much more.

8. You can even choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, you can only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

If you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

9. The Explaining Trap:

Sometimes, You can just not respond at all.

You can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does and sometimes not. It depends on the personality types you’re dealing with.

For instance, if you’re dealing with a person with narcissistic personality disorder, this definitely won’t work. So, use good judgement.

This post was all about the explaining trap and how you can respond so that you can recognize it when you bullies use it on you and deal with it intelligently.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

4. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

the psychological effects of gaslighting

Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

December 6, 2024December 1, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you can better protect yourself against it? Here are the proven impacts gaslighters inflict that you must know about.

The psychological effects of gaslighting are many and massive. When victims of bullying and abuse endure gaslighting, the abuser and their flying monkeys only victimize them twice.

In this post, you will learn all the psychological effects of gaslighting on victims so that you’ll have more motivation to protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these ramifications, you will be better able to defend yourself against the evil deeds of gaslighters. Moreover, you will be about to call it out and explain what you’re dealing with when you talk about it.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you will better be able to explain to others what it does to victims.

Psychological effects of gaslighting

Before we get to the list, let’s touch on the goal of gaslighting and gaslighting tactics. Also, let’s preview how bullying and gaslighting impact your psyche.

Gaslighting is about wresting power and control over your mind. Bullies do this by undermining your reality. They minimize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Moreover, they deflect and shift blame to you. Also, they’re notorious for feigning concern over your (mental) well being.

Understand that this is how they weaponize compassion and goodwill.

Gaslighters are experts at twisting the truth and re-framing conversations. Additionally, they slyly use your reactions to their abuse against you.

Why? To discredit you by making you look as if you have a mental imbalance. You should never tolerate this kind of behavior.

When people inflict bullying and gaslighting on you, they objectify you. In other words, they use you as an inanimate object, a tool for gratification and a rush of power.

It is as if you only exist for other people’s purposes and not you own. Slowly, over time, it does damage to your mental health and if you’re not careful, you may never grow into a fully mature human being.

Consequently, you may begin to see yourself as the projected object the bullies deem you to be. When bullies notoriously gaslight you, they deliberately try to distort your reality.

Why? Because they themselves deny reality. Bullies and abusers deny facts, uncontested truths, and the concreteness of evidence.

Therefore, they try to make reality into an imaginary illusion when, in fact, reality is the opposite.

So, what happens when a bullies try to undermine your perception of reality?

They brainwash you and force you to see things from their point of view. I’ve met many kinds of people in my life. This includes gaslighters- enough of them to know their tactics and recognize them like the back of my hand.

11 Psychological effects of gaslighting

Here is a list of the ways gaslighting impacts victims.

1. Self-doubt

Gaslighting causes you to doubt yourself. Therefore, you doubt what you see, hear, feel and believe.

What gaslighters are best at is trying to make you doubt your sanity or your memory when you call out their bad behavior and evil deeds. Or, when you report them for bullying.

For example, when you tell them to stop bullying you or you report them, your bullies may tell you that “you took it wrong and that they were only trying to help you.” Moreover, they can accuse you of being “mentally imbalanced” or “having a bad memory.”

Also, they may say that you didn’t hear them correctly.

Here’s another example. Your bullies call you an ugly name and you counter them saying, “I’m not a (ugly name). However, they only come back with, “Well, if the shoe fits, wear it!”

Although you know the shoe doesn’t fit, understand that your bullies will do everything in their power to try and shoehorn it.

Therefore, see these derogatory names and remarks for what they’re designed to do. And that is to get you to doubt yourself.

Don’t allow gaslighters to do this to you. Again, see through the lies. You must use their lies to solidify your perception of reality instead of distort it. Instead of allowing them to weaken you, let them only increase your strength and resilience.

In other words, double down!

These are only a few examples. Here are many other gaslighting examples to be aware of, along with a list of counter-statements you can use to shut down gaslighting.

2. Psychological effects of gaslighting: You lose confidence in yourself.

Bullies will fool you into doubting your own goodness and importance.

Gaslighters will also instill doubt in your mind about the people who truly love you. They’ll tell you that your friends and family don’t even love you. Moreover, they’ll claim that the reason they don’t love you is because you’re unlovable.

Moreover, they’ll trick you into doubting your abilities. They do this by making hurtful statements such as, “You can’t do anything right.” Moreover, they may call you cruel names such as, “st*pid,” when you accidentally spill a glass of milk.

Understand that everyone makes mistakes and has accidents. Therefore, never let them break down your confidence in yourself.

Hold on to your confidence. Because without it, you might as well have nothing.

3. You adopt a sense of insecurity.

Enduring gaslighting can make you insecure. If you put up with it long enough, you’ll develop social anxiety and feel nervous around people.

As a result, this kills your social opportunities.

Therefore, keep your outgoing personality no matter how bullies may treat you. They just might be jealous of your friendly nature.

4. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Hyper vigilance

Hyper vigilance is an awareness of potential threats way beyond that which is normal. In other words, when a person is hyper vigilant, they’re overly alert. However, this is a trauma response and it’s not your fault if you suffer from it.

Many victims of bullying and abuse suffer from hyper vigilance after bullies and abusers have traumatized them for so long. The same thing happens when you endure gaslighting for any length of time.

This can only cause exhaustion and other physical ailments.

Again, it’s not your fault. Therefore, don’t blame yourself. Know that there are resources and people you can turn to for help. So, please. Check into those.

5. Distrust in yourself and others.

Victims of gaslighting neither trust themselves to make the right decisions nor do they trust others not to harm them. Therefore, they live a life of constantly looking out for potential threats.

This is understandable. After bullies and abusers have bullied and gaslighted you for so long, you tend to lose trust in everyone, including yourself.

How you begin trusting yourself again is to stop worrying what other people think, face the fear, and begin making your own decisions. Just do it.

Also, how you learn to trust others is to be selective in who you place your trust in. Watch people and learn what threatening body language looks like. Moreover, learn the body language of deception and negativity.

Once you learn all these things, you will be able to better judge who to trust and who not to.

6. Psychological effects of gaslighting: They begin having difficulty with decision making.

This goes back to number five. You have difficulty making decisions because you don’t trust yourself to make the right decisions.

Moreover, you’re afraid to make decisions because you’re always wondering what people will think. You were bullied so badly that people ridiculed everything you did. And when you defended yourself, they gaslighted you for it.

I feel your pain. But, stop that! No one has to live your life but you. Therefore, only you can possibly know what’s best for you. For your own sake, quit letting others dictate your choices because they could care less about what’s for your good.

Yes, I know it’s scary when others have bullied and beaten you down for years. However, you cannot continue to live this way because it’s a miserable existence and life’s too short.

You don’t have to allow this any longer. Take back your autonomy and freedom and just do it! Begin making your own decisions today. And screw them if they don’t like it. You deserve to finally live your life on your terms.

Screw it, just do it!

7. They withdraw from others.

You withdraw from others because you’re afraid that they’ll only bully you. In other words, you’re afraid of history repeating itself. However, what if it doesn’t?

Again, although understandable, the only thing this will do is socially hold you back. Put simpler, it will have a negative impact on your existing relationships and keep you from starting new ones.

Therefore, don’t let the bullies of your past or present hold you back from relationships and friendships that could fulfill you and uplift you.

You deserve to have a social life and you deserve to draw in people who love you and celebrate you. So, put yourself out there and be your best self.

8. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Isolation

Because it seems everyone has bullied and gaslighted you, you feel that the only way for you to be safe is to isolate yourself. Therefore, you must know that this will only make things worse for you.

Why? Because you stand to lose touch with friends and family who could be there to help you. Moreover, you cut yourself off from the many opportunities that come with socializing and keeping contact with friends and family and making new ones.

In short, you become a shut in. Is this how you’d rather live your life?

Know that you deserve to have a life that’s rich and rewarding with people who love and uplift you. You deserve it. You may have been told otherwise but you were lied to. I repeat! You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and want best for you.

Therefore, never isolate yourself. Instead, get out there and take risks. Meet people. Just watch them and be choosy with who you allow in.

9. False guilt

After bullies and gaslighters have abused you for so long, it’s too easy to self-loathe and feel guilty for things you haven’t done. This only further erodes your self-esteem and peace of mind.

Moreover, if you allow others to unjustly heap false guilt over your head, what do you think they will do next?

Therefore, understand that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s bad behavior but your own.

In other words, you cannot control the actions of another person. The only behaviors you can control are yours. So, again, never accept accountability for your bullies’ evil ways.

Know that you have the power to refuse to carry any burden that isn’t yours to carry.

10. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Anxiety

It’s no secret that bullying and gaslighting can cause anxiety in victims and survivors. Anxiety is a booger bear because it causes you to worry constantly about something bad that has happened before, occurring again in the future.

In other words, thoughts of negative possibilities begin to occupy your mind all the time. It causes nervousness and uneasiness and renders you unable to relax.

This is no way to live. You deserve better. Therefore, you can talk to a therapist, your best friend or trusted family member. Either way, talk to someone you trust.

However, don’t let the anxiety go on for so long that it turns into a disorder.

11. Physical ailments, such as stomach issues and headaches

Psychological trauma has ways of causing illness in the body as well. This is why you must take steps to heal your mind from the effects of gaslighting and bullying.

Moreover, make sure you eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest. Take care of your body like you would your possessions. Because you health is your wealth.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting, how it impacts you, and how you can overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You

December 5, 2024December 5, 20242 Comments

‘Want to know all about the bully’s perspective and what they really want to say to you? Here you’ll get a peak inside the minds of bullies, especially when you stand up to them.

Bullies have a Divine Right of Kings attitude toward their victims. They feel that they are entitled to abuse them and that their targets don’t have the right to defend themselves. In other words, bullies expect their victims to just shut up, stand still, and take their abuse with a smile, then ask for seconds.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what a bully’s perspective is and what they expect from you.

One you learn all about these attitudes and expectations, you will be compelled to double down in protecting yourself from bullies. Moreover, you’ll finally know what bullies are thinking.

This post is all about a bully’s perspective and the importance of standing up to your bullies.

A Bully’s Perspective

If you’re a victim of bullying, Here is what your bullies want to say to you.

We warned you! We warned you not to rock the boat. ‘Told you not to make waves. We made it clear that your place was beneath us. Therefore, you should take our abuse without question and without refusing.

And we shouldn’t have to spell that out for you!

Nevertheless, what did you do? You just had to push it! ‘Had to get uppity! You just had to challenge our authority!

So, ‘you want to make trouble? ‘You want to diss us? ‘Grow some spine and step up to us?

Now, because of you, we risk the threat of everyone else challenging our power!

Therefore, what would you do if someone on a lower level than you challenged you? What would you do if some nobody humiliated you and made you look like a punk in front of everybody?

Yeah, yeah! People may advise us to just “let it go” or “overlook it!” However, you’ve made thhis personal and there’s no coming back from it!

Do you really think you won any respect by clapping back at us? Uh-uh! Nope! What you did was start a war!

So, don’t talk to us about right or wrong! Don’t speak to us about fairness! Because right and wrong, just don’t come into it! And fairness is a fairytale for babies!

We’re going to teach you that there’s a social order in this place! And there’s a certain way we do things around here!

You’ve forgotten who you are. We must teach you that some people matter, and some don’t! You also need to learn that some people can, and some can’t!

A Bully’s Perspective:

When you stand up to us, you take away our power over you.

Don’t say a word because you’d feel the same way we do! You’d think,

“This loser doesn’t know his place! He’s forgotten who he is! He has grown too big for his britches and too smart for his own good! He doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone!”

“He’s gotten too cocky, too sure of himself, too bold and too arrogant! In short, he’s threatened our positions at the top of the social totem pole! And threats must be contained!”

During the Medieval period, anyone who disrespected any member of a royal family would be dragged off to the guillotine. And the remaining peasants would know that they would be next if they even mentioned the troublemaker’s name.

The “Divine Right of Kings” rule still stands today, in this school, in this workplace, in this community, in this world.

People in our positions are allowed to beat our chests and throw our weight around freely and with impunity. It’s okay for us to abuse anyone we deem unworthy of humane treatment. If you were any one of us, you’d think,

A Bully’s Perspective:

we’re afraid that if you stand up for yourself, you just might start a trend!

“But (target’s name)! Who the hell does that freak think he is! He opened his smart mouth and dissed us! Now all the losers may rise up and demand their rights to equal treatment!

What? Allowing them to get through a single day without getting their brains beat in isn’t enough? Shoot! They should be down on their knees, thanking us for not making things worse for them!”

“Losers like him (the target) report you to the principal and get you in trouble! Or they get the big boss involved!

They join anti-bullying groups and get involved in anti-bullying programs at school! Or they join workplace safety groups!”

“Shyeah! Like that’s gonna help them any! And don’t EVEN get me started on those groups! They’re always looking for publicity!”

“They even write journals, publish books, and post on their blogs! They call you and your friends out on things you’d rather people inside or outside town not find out!”

“So, with the bullying awareness movement (Ugh! What a joke!) that’s sweeping the globe, it’s harder for us to insulate ourselves from accountability!

And since virtually everyone has a smartphone with a camera, how can we punish our target without further exposure and the risk of punishment and ruination of our prospects?

How can we reinforce our dominance over this creep, and make him cave in and bow down to us? How do we make our target submit?

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Will Fight Ferociously to keep our power.

We make the little rebel’s life a living hell and use him as an example to the rest of our subjects. However, we can’t make it too visible. We must be cunning and covert! Our attacks must be deniable.

We’ll do this to teach this punk a lesson show him who’s boss while letting the other schoolmates know that this will happen to them if they dare get out of their places. You call it tit-for-tat, we call it frontier justice.

Maybe you think that we don’t know we’re bullies. Well…you poor, clueless thing, you! Newsflash! We know we’re bullies and we’re proud of it. ‘Wanna know why?

Because bullies rule!

Why? Because it’s cool to be cruel! Sorry. That’s reality and you can either deal with it or continue to be a hero and get treated worse!

The higher up on the social hierarchy we are, the more brazen and brutal we are. And when you threaten our power, the more desperate we are.

Therefore, the harder we’ll fight to keep the popularity, attention, favor, the having our butts kissed, and the social status we enjoy.

You need to realize that the positions we hold and the friends and followers we have give us special treatment. We get rewards, and liberties that nobody else can get.

1. we will try to hold you down.

And the power we have is too delicious to give up. Outside of our group, our high social status, and this town, we have nothing!

So, if this little pipsqueak thinks he’s going to man up and punk us out in front everyone, then we’re going to give him both barrels!

In this power struggle, we have an arsenal of power, reputation, connections, and favor. And we’ll use them all to bury him!

It takes a long time to isolate a target. But we have the patience of Job.

And while we wait for the outcome, we’ll get our kicks out of watching him suffer! He thinks he can win friends and respect?

He thinks he’s equal to us? Not in this lifetime! We decide who talks to who, who makes friends and when they do.

And we can kill any opportunity to make friends, get a date, have a promotion, and even turn the teachers, coaches, supervisors… any staff member against him if we so desire.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Thrive on Silencing you.

We can shut him up by ridiculing him every time he speaks, even if he’s right. And if he gets in kind of praise or recognition from others, it’ll only further piss us off.

Then, we’ll turn up the heat on his butt!

We’ll shame him by calling him a nerd or a bookworm in school. We’ll accuse him of being an arrogant know-it-all at work! Finally, by the time we’re through with him, he’ll be too afraid to open his smart mouth!

We can exclude him from company meetings, school clubs, ballgames, school dances, proms, and other functions.

We’ll control his emotions. He won’t get any enjoyment in life unless we say so. We can make sure he does nowhere but down. Then, we’ll leave him to rot in his own loneliness and misery. We’ll make sure he’s stuck on the bottom of the pecking order and never moves up.

As a result, we’ll dim his shine, strip him of any confidence, change his smug attitude, and make him loathe himself! We’ll make him trash!

He crossed us- that makes him a leper as far as anyone else is concerned. Does he really think anyone will stand by him?

Sure, others may hate us because they can’t be us, but they fear us! They may talk smack about how they’d stand up to us, but talk’s cheap.

A Bully’s Perspective:

2. We isolate you.

Oh, yeah! The other folks talk the talk. But we know that when the time comes to walk the walk, they’ll only tuck their tails between their legs and run.

Moreover, they’ll leave the little wuss to fend for himself. They’ll know better than to piss us off because they know that we have the power to make their lives just as hard as we made his (the target’s).

Nobody wants to be next on our hit list, and we don’t blame them! It isn’t their problem, and they don’t want to end up down in the basement either.

So, what’s he going to do about it? If he does manage to scrounge up a few friends, they’ll be the few no-counts who are just as desperate as he is.

Also, they’ll hang with him only because they have no other options themselves. This gives us another juicy idea! Hmmm… Perhaps if we pretend to like and accept those other losers, they’ll throw his sorry butt under the bus too! Then what friends will he have?

How do you think we got to where we are? It’s because we’re the most knowledgeable of human nature.

Moreover, human nature dictates that, just as there are people who fight to be on top, there are also those who fight just as hard to stay off the bottom.

Oh, the other losers may feel sorry for the target, but they need us to leave them alone. They expect us not to make them bigger laughing stocks than they already are.

Therefore, the few friends he has will know better than to support him. Anyone would be a fool to have a dog in this fight!

A Bully’s Perspective:

we love dominance and power.

Around here, we are royalty! We’re the top dogs. If anyone else wants to be safe, they need our permission.

Therefore, the target’s friends don’t want us to make things any harder on them. And they know that if at any time some blockhead pisses us off, we take no prisoners!

So, even his friends will pretend it isn’t happening. Why? Because they know better than to have his back.

And if he shoots his mouth off to them or anyone else about any of us, many of them will report back to us for these reasons:

To get on our good side
In hopes that we’ll accept them
To stay off our hate-radar

And if we grill the target’s friends with questions about him, they’ll tell us anything they think we want to hear. This is good because they more than likely know all his deepest, darkest secrets!

Maybe these friends will know we’re only using them to get the deets from them. Then again, maybe they won’t, but either way, it won’t matter. The only thing that will matter to them is keeping us satisfied, and keeping their butts off our shit list.

Do you see where we’re going with this? The fix is in. If the target continues to push back against us, others will avoid him to keep from arousing our wrath.

And no matter how strong he thinks he is, he won’t be able to handle that for very long.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we will bombard you with attacks to wear you down.

Here are more ways we assert and reinforce control over targets who step out of line.

3. We spread rumors and lies about you because we know it works.

That’s right! We’ll demonize him. And he won’t even know about it until it’s too late and enough people are itching to take him apart.

We’ll sow discord between him and everyone else. Hell! Even the teachers or supervisors! We’ll make him public enemy number one!

Get this straight. All we have to do to demonize our target is to throw around a few offhand remarks and loaded words.

‘You see? We bullies been best friends since kindergarten, and some of us since we were babies. We are a family and we keep each other’s darkest secrets and fiercely protect each other. In other words, we cover each other’s butts.

Our families know each other, and we have connections to quite a few city officials and local big shots. Everyone knows us and they love us- very much!

We’re in cahoots with the right people and they tell us everything.

Nothing is private. Not in this town. This is our kingdom. And it’s crawling with lackeys, suck-ups, and wannabes. These people straddle the fence and they’re the ones you’d l least expect.

And he messed with one of us, so he messed with all of us!

4. A Bully’s Perspective:

we make you do degrading things with the promise of acceptance.

By this time, we’ll have him so rejected, alone and alienated that he’ll sell his soul to the devil just to get a crumb of acceptance. So, why not give him something to strive toward?

Make him do something to embarrass himself. And trust us, we’re creative!

We’ll think of something so humiliating and degrading! Setting him up to look pathetic is going to be so fun!

Moreover, we’ll film it for the entire free world to see. And he’ll never be able to get away from it.

We’ll also set him up to get in trouble with authority by baiting him into a few fights. We’ll get in his face. One of us might even throw the first punch and force him to hit back.

Then, we’ve got him. We’ll all band together and say he started it, cook up a good story, and he’ll be the one blamed.

And the icing on the cake is that after everyone finishes blaming and punishing this loser, they’ll give us sympathy for being victimized by such a monster.

That’s just life! It’s the mixed up world we live in. Some matter and some don’t. And if a target tries to defend himself, others will only accuse him of being defensive, a whiner, or mentally imbalanced.

But those rules don’t apply to us because we can do no wrong. Remember. We’re royals. And the double-standards we held our target to are beneficial to us.

Don’t be surprised and don’t catch an attitude. You’d do the same thing if you were one of us.

5. A Bully’s Perspective:

We fantasize about you transferring out or, even better, killing yourself.

Seriously, we do. But then again, we really don’t want that because, if he did either one, all the fun would end and it would be game over.

We need our target to stick around so that we can continue getting our jollies and free entertainment.

We prefer to make things worse on our target slowly and gradually, dragging it out for as long as possible. We’ll enjoy watching him withdraw from everyone and lose his appetite. Smiling as he gets sick, and shakes from nervousness, we won’t take our eyes off him.

And we know he will snap sooner or later.

Get this straight! We’re not completely clueless. We learned the laws of human nature early. How do you think we got so darned popular with kids and adults alike?

And how do you think we rose to the top of the social totem pole? We knew the rules of the social game long before most people knew how to use the bathroom by themselves!

We also know that no one can keep that kind of pressure stuffed down inside forever. It’s impossible. Eventually, the target will explode.

It always works better that way. And when he does blow up, we can only hope he does it in front of an audience.

6. A Bully’s perspective:

We would love nothing more than to beat the ever-loving crap out of you but we don’t want to risk getting caught.

We’re already building a case against the target. We can pick out small incidents, take them out of context, and spin them to make it bigger. Also, we can craft a pattern out of them and make it look like evidence that is so damning.

Sure. Like, love and attractiveness are all subjective, but the system and social dynamic are rigged in our favor.

We’re too smart to do something so obvious and we don’t want to get our hands dirty. We’d much rather psychologically pick the creep apart in front of everyone and use his words against him.

His intentions don’t matter. A screw-up is a screw-up and we’ll stick it to him. We’ll do it under the guise of friendly advice, the stealthier way to attack.

7. we will Pit what friends you have against you.

If we can’t turn his friends against him any other way, we’ll attack them too. We’ll accuse his friend of being in on the target’s little rebellion.

Why should we do the dirty work ourselves when we have peer pressure on our side?

His friends will blame him for dragging them into it and causing them to become targets. They won’t care to hear any explanations or justifications.

They’ll just want their lives back and they’ll ostracize and gang up on him to make that happen. Cause and effect is such a beautiful thing! Why not use it to your advantage?

8. A Bully’s Perspective:

We Send henchmen to commit our violence for us.

As much as we’d love to beat the target’s brains out with our bare hands, we’re too smart to get blood on ourselves. In fact, we won’t even be there.

Therefore, if the above tactics don’t work, we’ll just send a few roughnecks to kick his ass for us. And why not? We’re the kings and queens around here.

Seasoned Bullies Don’t Like to get their hands dirty.

Therefore, all we have to do is offer the right incentives and we can get anybody to do anything we want them to do.

Even better, we’ll get the toughest guy with the worst reputation and put a bug in his ear. We’ll make him think that the target is trying to put the moves on his girl. Then we won’t have to offer him anything in return.

It won’t matter what the truth is or whether the target even knows the girl. Because we have all the power, connections and trust, just our names and our word is golden.

The target gets his head kicked in and gets a ride in an ambulance. We fade into the woodwork. And if things get too hairy, we just let the tough guy take the fall!

And if tough-guy tells the cops that we put him up to it, do you think they’ll believe him?

Brilliant, huh?

This post is all about the bully’s perspective to give you a peek into their minds.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

December 4, 2024November 27, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know the purpose of smear campaigns and the stealthy techniques bullies use to ruin your good name? Here is a detailed description of the process and why these evil tactics work so well.

Smear campaigns are destructive to your reputation and can even ruin your life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the detailed tactics bullies employ in their smear campaigns so that you can better guard yourself against them.

Once you learn this very important information, you will will better able to defend yourself against them and save your good name.

This post is all about smear campaigns, the tactics bullies use to launch them, and what you can do to successfully defend yourself against them.

Smear Campaigns and the importance of reputation

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

So, why do bullies attack your reputation?

Simply put, they do it to strip you of power. Bullies know that, once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack. In other words, they know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down.

Why? Because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions finish you off.

Moreover, after they trash your good name, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

How do Smear Campaigns work?

It always starts subtly.

So, Where do they begin?

1. They start by planting seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others.

They may cast doubt on you by doing something as subtle as dropping a suggestion. Doubt is a powerful tool. It sets the stage for the next stages of the smear.

2. Smear Campaigns:

They spread rumors and lies.

All it takes is one little rumor- just one!

Bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because the target can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. He could deny the rumors, even produce evidence that proves his innocence of the accusations.

2. He could ignore the lies and blow his accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

However, either way, people will still look at the target with suspicion. If the target defends himself and produces evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

If he ignores the lies and waves his accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of him because they’ll think that he has something to hide and is only playing it cool.

Bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get the target so enraged and rattled that while defending himself, he ends up making a truckload of mistakes.

Also, if this happens and the target hasn’t yet established a reputation, the smear campaign will work all the more in the bullies’ favor.

Bullies spread lies and rumors by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, they’ll fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, whatever lies they spread will stick.

3. They’ll Repeat the same lies.

In other words, the bullies use repetition. They repeat the same rumor over and over again until it sticks. And sadly, once repeated enough times, more and more people will believe it and it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie.

In fact, by then, others will want to believe it.

And, once the bullies have done their part, they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! There’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

4. Bullies will provoke you to trick you into living up to the rumors.

If bullies spread a rumor that you’re mentally imbalanced, they may provoke some kind of emotional reaction from you. They may do this by taunting you.

Moreover, they may also provoke you by hitting you first, hoping you’ll hit them back so they can use it as proof that you really are unhinged.

Smear Campaigns: What happens when Your Reputation takes a hit?

1. People will negatively judge any talents, actions, or contributions, good or bad.

Here’s how this works.

Two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way. However, each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.

In other words, it’s not what you do. It’s who you are when you do it. It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

However, let a person everyone despises write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that isn’t even worth reading.

Thank God for pseudonyms!

This brings me to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything!

The Character, Chris Chambers in the movie, “Stand by Me”

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief.

Moreover, during the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, Chris told him about how he got his bad name and wished he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal. However, he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.

And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.

Smear campaigns have stages.

Stage 1:

The bullies will cast doubt on your character and drop suggestions. Also, they’ll spread lies and rumors. They will then provoke you. You blow them off for a while but the bullies are relentless. Therefore, they not only continue but escalate the harassment.

Finally, you get fed up with their crap and, out of exhaustion and emotion, tell them to go to hell in a hand basket. And there! The bullies get the reaction they’ve been waiting for.

Now, the smear campaign begins. Your bullies start by suggesting that you’d be better off if you got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for your own good to look as if they have genuine concern for you.

Next, they may drop an offhand comment here and another there. Understand that bullies need to slowly and ever-so-gradually ramp up the smears. Why? So, that what they’re doing doesn’t appear so obvious.

Character vs Reputation

In the beginning, you may have friends. Others may like or even love you. Moreover, they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.”

Or, the bullies may lie to your friends by telling them that sometime in the past, you criticized them or stabbed them in the back.

Smear Campaigns Stage 2.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy.

Moreover, they make false statements and accuse you of wrongs you never committed.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they grow until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

However, you couldn’t be more wrong!

stage 3.

Once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth.

Therefore, by the time the open bullying is underway, you no longer have a clean reputation.

The results of successful smear campaigns.

Now, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around you also feel that the reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into their hearts.

They’ll say that you put on a front, and you only weaseled your way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Moreover, others will make your past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades irrelevant. They will also maximize your mistakes and failures and add many more you didn’t make.

In other words, they will rewrite your history.

If you’re on your best behavior and others see it with their own eyes, they’ll only accuse you of being a con artist. Also, any hard evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll chalk it up to you being a smooth-talker who’s good at using charm to manipulate others.

And the friends that your bullies turn against you? They’ll claim that they never liked you from the start. Moreover, they’ll swear up and down that they were only kind to you because they felt sorry for you, or because you conned them.

Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations.

Also, they’ll say that they only agreed with you about your bullies because you fooled them into it.

Telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

I want you to understand that once people’s minds are already made up, there’s no changing it.

Smear Campaigns Stage 4

Stage 4 is the late stage. Therefore, in the late stages of a smear campaign, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators.

Gossip will be everywhere. And it brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.

Moreover, anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

In Conclusion:

There’s still hope. Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how.

1. If you’re a victim of vicious smear campaigns, Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind, but if you stay in the town where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward and will always be stuck right where you are.

Why not pack your things and head for greener pastures.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and that you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. Moreover, the cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.”

Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. Also, you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a window to crawl through if you look for it. I guarantee it!

This post is all about smear campaigns so that you can recognize all the tactics and stages. Moreover, it will give you time to act to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

3. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

5. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

Why is Self Acceptance Important? 21 Must-Know Reasons

December 3, 2024November 27, 202414 Comments

Sadly, many people go through life without self-acceptance. But why is self-acceptance important?

You may have heard the term “self-acceptance” many times before and may be asking yourself, “Why is self-acceptance important?” Moreover, you may not even know what it is.

Here you will learn the definition of if, why it’s important, and how you can achieve it in order to better your life.

Once you learn all these important details and put them to use, your confidence will soar and you’ll finally be able to take more control of your life and it’s trajectory.

This post will give you the answers to the question, “Why is self-acceptance important?” so that you can reap the benefits of it and reclaim your personal power.

Why is self-acceptance important?

Again, there are many reasons. However, first, lets discuss exactly what self-acceptance is and how it relates to bullying and it’s victims.

Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it sometimes takes years to overcome the after-affects, get completely comfortable with yourself and find happiness.

Because of the torment they suffer, victims often withdraw and become shy. Moreover, the shyness can last a lifetime if they aren’t careful.

This reserved condition often comes from not only fear, but a lack of self-acceptance. Shyness is painful. Therefore, self-acceptance is the most important gift you can ever give yourself.

Here are the reasons that self-acceptance is so important.

1. you can see your own beauty.

A lack of self-acceptance blinds you to your own individual beauty. Therefore, once you accept yourself for all that you are, you will easily see your beauty and every good quality you have. You will then relax and just be.

2. you give yourself permission to make mistakes.

You realize that everyone screws up, including yourself. Therefore, you’re okay with making errors. You may not necessarily like goofing on a project, or singing off key. However, you’re still okay with the blunders you make throughout your life simply because everyone else does it too.

Moreover, you won’t try so hard to be perfect because you realize that perfection is impossible for anyone to reach. So, you’re able to just relax and go with the flow.

3. Why is self-acceptance important? You feel free to express yourself.

The reason many victims of bullying don’t practice self-expression is because they’re afraid that others won’t approve. In other words, they spend too much time worrying about what other people think or what they’ll say.

Therefore, they live in an invisible prison they don’t know how to escape from. The prison of whether they get other people’s approval. What they don’t realize is that they don’t need approval from anyone else.

However, when you express yourself, you don’t feel restricted. Therefore, you feel free to express yourself and aren’t the least bit concerned with what the people around you might think about it.

Why? Because you know that you don’t need the approval of others to live your truth and be who you are.

4. You feel free to be yourself.

In other words, you know you don’t need to try and be someone you aren’t. You don’t have to put on a big front to impress others. You’re completely comfortable in your own skin and as discussed in number three, you express yourself more freely.

Moreover, when you can be yourself, you’re relaxed, calm, and content with who God made you to be.

5. You accept all your flaws.

Why? Because you realize that everyone has imperfections. Therefore, you understand that you’re no different and you’re fine with it.

In other words, you accept all parts of yourself, the good and the not so good.

6. Why is self-acceptance important? You’re not afraid to display all your talents, gifts, and natural abilities.

Though others may criticize you for it, mostly out of jealousy, you keep showing what you can do best. Moreover, you’re not concerned with the way people may feel about it.

Sure. You like to display your natural gifts before others, but you do it because you enjoy it and not to impress anyone.

7. You feel free to have your own opinions, feelings, and beliefs.

In other words, you’re not afraid to voice those opinions. In today’s world, being an individual and having your own opinions is of the utmost importance.

Why? Because now more than ever, society frowns on differences of opinions and beliefs. Agreeing to disagree is, sadly, becoming more and more out of date with the majority of people attacking those with differences in thought, taste, and opinion.

Understand that no two people are going to agree on everything. That’s why you must have the courage to have your own beliefs and convictions even if it causes others discomfort.

8. you work on getting to know yourself better.

You can begin keeping a journal and writing in it everyday. Also, you can take a few courses and try new things. These are a few ways to get to know yourself better.

9. You’re not afraid to grow, learn, and try new things.

Learning and trying new things brings growth. Moreover, it’s also exciting! Therefore, never stop learning, no matter how old you get. Because, when you stop learning, you become stagnant.

10. Why is self-acceptance important? Because You’re more likely to face your fears head-on.

Self-acceptance takes courage. Moreover, when you accept yourself, flaws and all, you’re more likely to take risks.

Risk taking is important because it brings you out of your comfort zone. And when you step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, amazing things happen!

11. you discover talents and abilities you never thought you had.

When you accept yourself, you’re more willing to try new things. And when you try new things, you’ll find those hidden natural gifts and abilities. Also, you’ll have the patience to practice them and the courage to show them to others.

12. You believe in yourself.

In other words, you believe that you can succeed at what you set out to do. You have confidence in yourself and are much less afraid to take on projects and tasks.

Moreover, you’ll be more confident in tackling anything life throws your way. Why? Because you know that you’re strong and that you’ll triumph over it.

13. Why is Self-Acceptance Important? Because You’re not afraid to set goals, work on those goals, and pursue your dreams.

People who accept themselves have goals to work toward and dreams to fulfill. They’re usually so busy that they don’t have time to worry about what others think and seek approval.

Therefore, accept yourself and be too busy doing you! This will only bring you success and happiness down the road if you don’t give up.

14. You practice self-care.

When you accept yourself, you love yourself. And when you love yourself, you’re more likely to take care of your body. In other words, you’ll make sure you eat right and exercise everyday.

Also, you’ll get plenty of rest at night and see the doctor if you get sick.

You will take care of your mental health as well. Moreover, you’ll do this by protecting your peace from bullies, abusers, and other toxic people.

15. You’re not afraid to set boundaries nor to enforce them if you need to.

In other words, you don’t put up with bad behavior from anyone. Again, you’ll protect your mental health by keeping toxic people out of your life and protecting your peace.

Moreover, you’re not afraid to set boundaries and call out anyone who verbally abuses you. And you aren’t afraid to walk away from people who take advantage of your goodness or get abusive with you.

16. Why is self-acceptance important? When you accept yourself, new opportunities and better situations open up for you.

You’ll think that the floodgates of heaven have suddenly opened and you are being washed away in a river of blessings.

In other words, your relationships will improve and you’ll suddenly begin attracting better people into your life. You’ll make new friends and associates.

Moreover, other opportunities will come through these new people, such as great jobs, careers, and travel.

17. You’re not afraid to show your silly side and have fun.

In fact, you’ll enjoy having fun and goofing off a little. Also, the people around you will enjoy it too because you’ll be a fun person to be around!

18. You’re better able to have compassion and empathy for others.

The prerequisite to loving others is to love yourself and that takes self-acceptance.

If you can’t accept yourself, you won’t be able to accept others either. This is why a lot of people become bullies and most bullies haven’t achieved self-acceptance.

Being a bully doesn’t score any points. Moreover, it doesn’t make bullies feel any better in the long run. Sure, they may feel better about themselves the instant they put someone else down.

However, that feeling won’t last long. In fact, it fades rather quickly. They’ll then need to attack someone else to get that fix and it will only make them look like insecure little cowards.

But when you accept yourself, you don’t worry about the opinions of others and are better able to give love and compassion to the people around you. Even better, you won’t feel the need to bully anyone.

Therefore, work on changing the way you see yourself and begin loving yourself more.

Only then will you be able to properly love others.

19. Why is self-acceptance important? Your personal relationships improve.

Because you accept yourself, you accept others. You love yourself and give the same to others. This can only improve your personal relationships.

People love those who love them and they accept those who accept them. Therefore, your relationships can only get better, not worse.

20. You’re social life improves.

You become much more attractive to people and they are drawn to you like a magnet. And the individuals who are waiting for you to mess up actually get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Acceptance of self (all aspects) is such sweet freedom!

No one likes to be around a self conscious and insecure person with a victim-mentality who doesn’t like themselves.

Again, when you accept yourself, others will too.

21. You find peace and happiness.

Self-acceptance is one of the main stepping stones to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, you release yourself from the enslavement of others’ approval. Moreover, you stop concerning yourself with how others see you.

In that, you lift a huge weight off your shoulders. This brings peace and happiness into your life.

This post is all about the importance of self-acceptance and the amazing life-changes it brings.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

2. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

December 2, 2024November 12, 20243 Comments

Do you want to know all about the crybully and all the signs of one? Here is the definition of it and the characteristics of this pathetic type of bully.

Crybullies are pathetic human beings. They act tough but the minute you give them a dose of their own medicine, they run crying to a teacher, supervisor, manager… anyone who will listen. Moreover, they have ways of making you look like the bad guy when, in fact, you were only defending yourself against their vitriol.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the crybully, the signs you’re dealing with one, and the tactics they use to play the victim.

Once you learn this important information, you will be able to call them what they are and nail them on their tactics. As a result, you will be a wonderful advocate not only for yourself but for anyone else these people bully.

This post is all about the crybully so that you can confidently call them out and protect yourself from blame.

A new term has emerged in the last few years to describe the pathetic type of person who doesn’t mind dishing out the crap but can’t handle it when it gets kicked back their way. We call this person, a crybully.

So, what is a crybully?

A crybully is a bully who’s also a crybaby, who runs to authority and “cries like a little bitch” whenever their targets stand up to them.

Here’s how they operate.

These people repeatedly provoke their victims for an extended period of time. Moreover, the target first tries to ignore them to avoid conflict and keep down the drama.

However, this only serves to encourage the crybully to continue and escalate the behavior. Why? Because they come to believe that the victim is a wimp who won’t do anything about it.

Therefore, they think that they can continue to bully the target and get away with it.

But when the target finally gets fed up with their crap and responds in kind, the crybully suddenly gets their little feelings hurt and feels indignant.

So, to get back at the target for daring to stand up to them, the crybully runs to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

This person tattles on the victim, like the schoolyard sissy they are. They play the victim while painting the target as the bully. Therefore, bystanders and authority become outraged at the victim.

They accuse the innocent person of being the bully while giving the real bully sympathy.

How the crybully benefits from playing the victim

The instigator then basks in the attention as others give her a pat on the head and lavish her with sympathy. All the while, they also get satisfaction with the blame others place on the real victim.

This gives the crybully a huge sense of power.

Moreover, these types of bullies will also disparage their targets to peers in efforts to smear them and trash their reputation. Understand that these types of manipulators are everywhere and they’re vindictive!

However, understand that this kind of behavior only speaks volumes of these types of bullies. It says that they’re not only cowards but entitled little brats.

They think they should be allowed to treat others any way they want without repercussions. These people are the pathetic ones here.

Therefore, you should be proud of yourself and feel good in knowing that you don’t have to resort to these shenanigans. And in situations such as these, these types of bullies should be the subject of your ridicule.

Because ridicule and shame will be the only way to make these bullies leave you alone.

How do you spot these types of people?

1. Characteristics of the Crybully:

Self-entitlement

Again, this person doesn’t mind provoking you over and over, but when you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, they aren’t only surprised but offended.

Understand that these types of bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do and that you have no right to stop her. Moreover, they believe you don’t have a right to even say anything against it.

These types think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

Understand that they feel that the world owes them and that they have the right to mistreat you. Even more astonishing is that they think that you’re just supposed to bow down to them and take the abuse.

In other words, they expect you to let them harm you, then take it with a smile and a yes sir/ma’am. Why? Because:

“I’m always right, and you’re always wrong.”

“I’m better than you.”

“You’re inferior to me, I’m superior to you, and how dare you stand up to me? You have no rights as far as I’m concerned.”

Note the quotations above and understand that, though they may never come out and say it, this is how these chumps think.

2. A crybully will gripe, whine, and complain when something they don’t like happens.

For instance, you call the bully out on his BS. Moreover, you report or speak out about his bullying. In other words, you say or do anything to prompt authority figures to hold him accountable for his despicable behavior.

Therefore, the manipulator will then bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler if they have to face responsibility for anything. He’ll throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

He may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself.

Understand that crybullies must always get their way. Also, they think they can do no wrong. Many times, they will get furious with and throw a fit with you.

If the crybully is female, she may dissolve into a puddle of tears and tell not only authority but anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

3. These manipulators will shout you down if you don’t agree with them or you call them out on their bad behavior.

They think their words, actions, and beliefs are golden. If you happen to speak against their deplorable behavior or hold a different view, crybullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first. But, if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim that you started it.

4. A crybully wants everything handed to them and doesn’t like to put in the effort to earn it.

Crybullies are entitled to have whatever they want when and how they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Also, they don’t like to wait for it either.

In other words, these types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right now, not five minutes from now, not even one minute from now.

They’re like spoiled children. If they don’t get what they want, they will never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that crybullies do this to wear you down. However, you must only double down and resist, no matter what. So, stand firm if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

5. Crybullies hate the thought of anyone else having a life better than they do.

When these kinds of people see someone else doing better than them at anything, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will also try to get back at the person for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see the success of anyone else other then themselves as injustice.

6. They Have a victim mentality.

This point takes me back to how the crybully tries to make the victim look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that horse manure.

Therefore, when you think of a crybully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice and try to calm them down. If you do, they only keep manipulating you.

There you have it, folks. If you see any of the above characteristics, you might have a crybully on your hands. The best way to battle this type of bullying is to name it and shame it. Putting a name on these things makes them so much easier to deal with and overcome.

This post is all about the crybully and their traits so that you can confidently and successfully call them out on their bullshit and protect yourself from their incessant gaslighting.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples