Why Bullies Virtue Signal

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Seasoned bullies are masters at virtue-signaling and making themselves look like the angels they aren’t. Many of my classmates were expert virtue signalers. I remember sitting in class and being pregnant with my first child. One of my bullies, we will call her Amy, told me I was a sinner because I’d gotten pregnant before getting married. What was funny was that this came from one of those girls who everyone knew slept around with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

Not that I ever judged her for it because what she did on the weekends was nobody’s business but hers. However, the point I make here is that, in her infinite hypocrisy, she took it upon herself to judge me in front of an audience. And she did it to prove something to them.

She also told me that my child was a bastard and would be better off dead than to have me for a mother. The last thing she said was that I should never be allowed to get married nor have kids.

Understand that any time a bully publicly passes judgement on you, they only do it to feel like they’re better than you- so they can delude themselves, you, and everyone else into thinking that they’re above you on the totem pole of morals and decency.

The reason this bullying classmate accused me of being “unvirtuous” is to try and prove to everyone else that she wasn’t. She wanted everyone to think that she was as pure as the driven snow and that she was above someone else. But, although no one said a word, I think they all knew who she really was and what her attack on me was all about.

Sadly, we see the same from radicals. They pander and virtue signal by raising their fists and worse, kneeling and bowing down to extremist groups and the only reason they do it is to try and prove to the rest of the world that they’re moral, decent, and above ignorance.

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

But here’s the thing.

If you know yourself and you know that you aren’t the label of the day, be it a “whore”, a philanderer, a racist, a conspiracy theorist, a nut job, or anything at all; you won’t feel you have to attack anyone else, pander, or virtue signal to prove it. Your goodness, morals, virtues are already there, and you know it. There’s no need to prove it.

When you truly know yourself and the definition of who you are, you won’t try to prove anything because it’s too much work and you know it’s a waste of your time and energy. You do not have to show others you have something if that something is something you already have.

Here’s another thing.

If anyone feels they must bend over backwards to prove something to the rest of the world, know that their willingness to pander and virtue signal- all that extra effort and energy expenditure comes from a guilty conscience and that there is something about themselves that they’re trying like the devil to hide.

These people are under the presumption that, the more efforts they make, the more personal sacrifices they make, and the more they try to “atone” by forcing themselves to do the most degrading and demeaning things, the more it shows that they’re not what the label of the day and current narrative says they are.

What they don’t realize is that it only means the opposite of what they’re trying to prove. Do you see where I’m going with this? If your conscience is clear, don’t ever feel like you have anything to prove. You don’t.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

54 thoughts on “Why Bullies Virtue Signal”

  1. Sara Flower Kjeldsen says:
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    Calling someone’s child that word is the coldest thing they could do. I’m sorry people were that cruel to you when you were pregnant with your first child. :S I noticed a lot of bully/mean types tend to virtue signal a lot. It’s made me be more careful not to do it myself.

  2. Jim W. says:
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    It is easy to criticize someone else. It is much harder and much more worthwhile, in the long run, to look critically at yourself. You are responsible, first and foremost, for your own actions. You are only ever periphally involved in someone else’s actions. Anyone, who isn’t a friend, who criticizes you is just trying to make things easier for themselves…and they are deliberately avoiding the hard work of changing themselves 😊😊

    • cheriewhite says:
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      You’re absolutely right, Jim. When people feel the need to say such hurtful things, it really shows that they’re battling a lot of mental health issues and low self-esteem. I can only pity such people.

      • Jim W. says:
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        A lot of the things that bother me about people are things I do all the time. If I criticize them it is because I don’t want to work on my own problems. I don’t want to really see what I’m doing. At the very least, this means before I criticize or judge, I should think about what I’m doing and why. And sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing, or, even better “how can I help you?”

  4. Stella Reddy says:
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    Your Bullies really tried to do a number on you, I am sorry you went thru that, especially pregnant with all the hormones going… Every day I learn something new… I never heard that term before so thank you for the education! Unfortunately, there was a time I got stuck in trying to show the world I wasn’t what was being spread about me. I became a virtue signaler myself there, but I learned pretty quickly it wasn’t helping me. I turned inward, looked to myself instead and did the work I needed to get past all that. I am glad i did.Every day it is better.

    • cheriewhite says:
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      Thank you so much Stella. And I completely understand your situation. When you’re attacked unjustly, it’s not uncommon to do things to try and prove people wrong. But, as you said, in a bullying situation, it not only doesn’t help but can make things even worse. I’m so glad that you’re taking your life back and you’ve found your voice, and with it, your happiness. Because, Lord knows, you deserve it! Wishing you bountiful blessings! 💖💐🌺🌻

  7. Kym Gordon Moore says:
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    Well honey, you know what you are and what you aren’t. The people who are always trying to throw “shade” need to check themselves, because sooner or later they will draw attention to themselves, revealing who they really are…and it ain’t gonna look too pretty! 🤜🏼🤛🏼

  9. Ultra says:
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    I live in Europe, in my country more and more often a girl lives with her boyfriend and they don’t get married because they don’t need this wedding for anything. Nobody has the right to judge how the other person arranges his life.
    greetings

  10. RespectAll44 says:
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    I think you hit on something big here…radicalization. We see it all the time in politics with people who think their political party of choices crap doesn’t stick sometimes but it is a societal issue. I have heard people tell others you shouldn’t do this or that yet they will do the same thing or maybe they point out your “sin” but ignore the fact this weekend they plan to blow their check at a casino somewhere. And we have to be really careful telling people they shouldn’t read certain books, listen to certain music, watch certain movies fir a variety of reasons unless they are willing to give up everything up not just cherry pick. It is one thing out of love and concern to speak to someone in private and tell them you are concerned they are going down a slippery path but one must own their own trouble too. It is sort of like telling your teenager you will tear their butt up if you ever catch them smoking while you are reaching for your own lighter.

    • cheriewhite says:
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      That’s absolutely right! 💯 Most virtue signaling bullies are, in fact, hypocrites who hold others to double standards. So, it goes hand in hand. This is a great point you brought up.

  11. Jen says:
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    Communal narcissists love to amp up the virtue signaling, believing their own lies to fool the public into thinking they are an angel, when they are the devil incarnate. I am sorry those souls said such awful things to you.

    One communal narc I knew my entire life plays charity gigs for the photo op. She lived next door to my grandmother and I ran when I saw her coming so I could avoid her. She had no desire to respect boundaries back then, and when I went to high school with her (5 years later) still did not, only in private to people she knew well. By then, my schoolmates were like “how can you say that about her? She is a wonderful person!” Meanwhile she continued to triangulate, manipulate, gaslight, etc to me and tried to turn a teacher against me.

    Right now she is doing charity singing/piano gigs for Ukraine which hits home, upsetting me because my BFF and her husband have family over there. Meanwhile “B.C.” (not her real name) is doing it all just for the photo ops and Facebook posts — one after another — and abusing people on the downlow.

    Word has it they named a bar in our area after her.

    Communal narc behaviour upsets me to a level I cannot put into words. My mother is also a communal narc. My ex-husband is one. My hope is that their mask comes off sooner rather than later. Love fraud is evil, disgusting behaviour. B.C. does not love Ukraine, she does not even love herself. My mother never loved me and neither did my ex. They pretended when they had an audience just to look good on the outside.

  12. emergingfromthedarknight says:
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    What a powerful post Cherie.. It made me realize how my undervalued self made me struggle so hard with bullies to be seen.. I now no longer do it with my family. I got attacked about trying to work all of this out on my blog by my sister’s son and then felt shame from sharing that but it was a way of trying to make sense of how others devalue and the damage they do.. I do not think a healthy person would attack someone for trying to work through a complex issue like this. I had not heard that term virtue signalling, but it has made a lot of sense to me.. such a great post.

  13. myrelar says:
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    That Amy is a primitive woman who has a lot of complexes. Such people poison the brains of themselves and others. The best way is to COMPLETELY IGNORE! You will remain calm, and she will eat herself, out of anguish.

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