Toxic Shame in Targets Resulting from Bullying

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Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.

When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.

This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.

With knowledge comes power!

26 thoughts on “Toxic Shame in Targets Resulting from Bullying

  1. Stella Reddy says:

    I agree with you, toxic shame is the worst thing you can experience and I have forgiven myself for taking it on myself. I gave into the pressure and resented myself, and them, for it. I released the shame, it isn’t mine to feel. I didn’t do this to them, I didn’t MAKE anyone do anything they did. I just accept responsibility for my own actions, not anyone else’s. .

    • cheriewhite says:

      Amen, girl! Like you, I gave into the pressure as well and I carried shame that wasn’t mine to carry for years. Thank goodness I throw that monkey off my back! Girl! You don’t know how proud I am of you! Keep moving forward, sweetie!💖💕😃

  2. aparna12 says:

    Well said, Cherie. Bullying is such a disgusting human behavior. It’s important for the targets to protect their dignity against the sore human losers called the bullies. I love your suggestions to tackle them.

  3. mediarteducation says:

    Hi Cherie! after reading a lot about ethics, psychiatry, neurology , self protection;and then put in practice. I found 2 books really sharp and consistent to any conduct issue: Sun Tzu (art of war) & tao of love. Both focus on self development.
    Sun tzu: if you know the others and yourself, always win; if you know yourself but not the others; tie; you dont know yourself neither the others; conflict.
    Tao of love: if you want someone fall, let it rise (vanity) and it will fall by itself.

    • cheriewhite says:

      I love Sun Tzu! 💖💖💖I have “The Art of War” and it’s one awesome book! I wish a thousand times I’d read this book when I was a little younger! I’ll definitely order the second book!

      • alindaperry says:

        Cherie, since you liked THE ART OF WAR, you’ll probably like the ‘cheat sheet’/study guide for THE ART OF WAR For Business.. Remember the laminated, plastic study guides in high school and college? I discovered this gem of a book-guide in Staples office store. I am going to read a few of the good points on a podcast this month. I skimmed it the day I bought it. Pretty good guide! To think I went in there for an ink cartridge and came out with an added reading treat. Daily, God supplies our needs, if we just ask. Once again, my God has kept His promises. He’s got my back, as He walks in front of me, all the time. ✍️💙✝️ 💙✍️

        • cheriewhite says:

          God is sooo good all the time, Linda- and He used you to pass it on to me and I couldn’t be more grateful! Thank you so much for the recommendation! I’ll definitely look for this book on Amazon! 💖💐🌹

        • cheriewhite says:

          And I meant to add that I do remember those. It’s been years but I think those little study guides were entitled “Cliff Notes.” I used them a lot in college. 😊

  4. Arun Singha says:

    What happens when a person is bullied by life partner?
    What happens when one partner has to carry on ….
    💔 Break of marriage is not a solution.
    My experience says that everything happens for a reason.
    For me, the bully has been doing mischievous deeds over to abuses.
    But I have strength now.
    It is your posts Cherie.
    I am grateful to you Cherie.
    Best wishes.
    Best love 💗
    Best Regards 🙏😊

  5. LaShelle says:

    I can’t relate as well to this one because I’ve always liked who I am but I think this post will help quite a bit with other people though! Very thoughtful and moving.

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