Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

October 28, 2024November 24, 20245 Comments

‘Want to know whether your school or workplace has a bullying culture? Here are all the things you should watch for.

Schools, workplaces, and even communities with a bullying culture can make for environments that are toxic and foster a sense of danger. In these kinds of environments, people tend to operate under the “laws of the jungle.”

The mentality is that “might makes right” and that you can only attain power through the use of brute force. Moreover, these toxic environments can negatively impact not only your mental health but your physical health as well.

In this post, you will learn how to read the environment and recognize whether you’re in a toxic environment with a culture of bullying.

Once you learn all the bad signs, you will be able to decide what measures you must take to keep yourself safe and if you even want to remain in this type of environment.

This post is all about bullying culture and how to recognize it so that you can take steps to better protect yourself.

Bullying Culture

Schools, workplaces, and communities that have this type of culture are places where people accept bullying. In other words, they consider it a normal part of life.

Moreover, the torment of a particular person can become status quo or habit with classmates because it has already gone unchecked. If you’re this “particular person,” know that you are in danger and should take steps to leave the environment.

You must go someplace new, where you can start fresh and be safe. I’ll explain further as we go.

In toxic places, the bullying of a certain individual is like a cancer that grows and spreads. In other words, like cancer, it always starts out small.

How It Progresses

The Early Stages:

For example, a bully scans the environment, seeking whom he can torment. When they spots a potential victim, they test the waters by way of small, snarky comments, backhanded or compliments.

They will take tiny nibbles at you, which are so subtle, they’ll be unnoticeable to others. However, they’ll make you feel uncomfortable.

Therefore, realize that bullies do this to see how you react. If you do nothing, the bullies will only see this as a green light to continue bullying you. This is when they will select you as their target.

Bullies then put the word out that you’re an easy target. Word soon spreads throughout the entire school, company, or community that you’re ripe for bullying. Therefore, a few others will join in.

Bullying Culture:

However, heed this warning!

If others continue bullying you over a certain amount of time, without repercussions, the abuse will become the status quo.

Even in as little time as short as a few weeks, it will likely become customary for these people to bully you. And once it becomes the status quo, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself without encountering a ton of resistance and reprisals.

Therefore, the trick is to stand up for yourself immediately. You must do it before people grow accustomed to tormenting you because once they do, it’s likely too late.

For example, people have bullied you for years. You finally get fed up, put your foot down, and stand up to your bullies. The abuse has gotten out of control and now, you refuse to bow down any longer.

One of your bullies takes it as a challenge and physically attacks you, only for you to beat the living hell out of them.

However, instead of accepting that you beat the crap out of them and going away, the bullies are outraged! They can’t accept that they got punked by someone they thought was inferior to them.

Therefore, they plot to re-enforce their power by retaliating. Not only do they want to re-enforce their dominance, they also have an insatiable desire to punish you severely.

How dare you! How dare you challenge their authority over you! This is the prevailing thought.

Bullying Culture

Middle Stages:

As time goes by, the torment you endure becomes more of a regular, everyday occurrence. Therefore, more and more people will assume that it’s okay to bully you.

You’ll notice that the taunts and verbal bullying grow more severe until they morph into physical attacks. Once this happens, others will become more and more brutal with their violence.

For example, they make begin with tripping you or running into you “accidentally on purpose.” The next thing you know, they are shoving you against the wall or to the floor.

After this goes on for a week or two, people begin punching and kicking you. Then, once they get bored with doing this, they graduate to brutally beating and choking you.

Thus, the attacks become harder to combat.

At the same time, the bullies and everyone else employ smear campaigns and set you up to get into trouble with authority.

Sadly, this set the stage for TDS, target derangement syndrome or you could call it VDS (victim derangement syndrome. Why, because, by this stage, everyone fosters a sick hatred for you.

Therefore, you have difficulty getting help and protecting yourself.

Again, heed this warning! Any time bullying is allowed to continue, it becomes a habit- a ritual. In other words, people get used to seeing it.

Therefore, when you muster up the spunk to say or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a status quo.

And once you dare to go against any status quo, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

This is why the best time to defend yourself is during the early stages!

Bullying Culture

Late Stages:

The bullying has now become a ritual. In other words, people habitually bully you and have internal motivations to do so.

Moreover, they feel that bullying you brings a positive effect (on them). Put another way, they may think that abusing you is for the good of the school, workplace or community.

Therefore, the violence has become the status quo in the environment. Others refuse to help you because bullies have discredited you.

Moreover, the long-term abuse you have suffer has desensitize everyone else. Some openly enjoy seeing people persecute you. Also, because of the smear campaigns, they hold the widely-spread belief that you’re trouble. Yet, they don’t know how or why?

The prevailing thought is, “Well, no one likes you anyway, so there has to be some justification to it.”.

Therefore, they have set the power dynamic firmly put in place and they do desperate things to maintain the status quo.

Bullying Culture

Late-Late Stages:

In this stage, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself. Why? Because you’ve waited too long. Therefore, your bullies are comfortable with abusing you and bystanders have grown comfortable with seeing it.

You are a victim! And people refuse to see you as anything but.

When you become a victim, others either consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay one. They expect you to put your head down and take the abuse.

In other words, if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

This is because any semblance of change frightens bullies, as it does most people. What frightens bullies the most is a change in the power dynamic which has long been set.

They want you to stay a victim because, “it’s just the way things are done here.”. Also, bullies benefit from victimizing you. Therefore, and they don’t want to lose those benefits.

The advantages can be social status, gratification, satisfaction, or entertainment.

Furthermore, people come to believe that they have a right to abuse you. Moreover, they believe that they have absolute authority over you. Therefore, they feel entitled to inflict misery on you.

In the mind of a bully, you don’t have the right to undermine, nor question their power and authority. Therefore, you should just shut your mouth and take it.

Sadly, it is in this stage that you either live in misery, get murdered, leave the environment, or takes your own life.

In Conclusion:

I hope that you choose to leave the environment and go someplace where you can start fresh, heal, and begin rebuilding your life.

Therefore, this bears repeating. You absolutely MUST address it early on, as soon as you begin to see a pattern forming. Do not make the same mistake many do and let it get so bad that you either fear for, or want to end your own life.

Here’s another thing to consider. If the bullying has gone on too long and you’ve tried standing up for your rights to no avail. It’s probably time to find a way to leave the environment. Granted, this may not be feasible. However, it might be the only way for you to finally be safe.

This is an absolute must!

This post was all about bullying culture, how you recognize it and what you must do to ensure your safety. Also, the purpose of this post is to instill in you the importance of taking action during the early stages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

2. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

September 30, 2024September 29, 20247 Comments

Bullying and self confidence can exist when you’re being bullied. In other words, there are ways you can continue to be confident when you endure bullying.

‘Want to know how to do it? Here are 7 steps to keeping your confidence up when others continue to bully you.

Bullies can crush your self confidence, that much is true. But only if you let them. As someone who has been there, I’m giving you the steps you need to preserve your self-esteem.

In this post you will learn ways to save your confidence when others bully you.

Once you learn about these steps, it will become easier to continue feeling good about yourself when others try to drag you down.

As a result, you will have the courage to stand up to bullies and make your own choices.

This post is all about bullying and self confidence. It also explains the tips that will help you stand strong against bullying and lead a happier and healthier life.

Bullying and Self Confidence

When you’re being bullied by everyone, holding onto your self-esteem can be challenging. And that’s putting it mildly. Moreover, after being bullied, it can sometimes take years to regain the confidence you lost.

However, there are things you can do to buffer your confidence and take the sting out of your bullies’ attacks.

7 Steps to Protect Your Self-Esteem

1. Watch and Listen.

You may not know it, but bullies have those who talk about them too. Believe me when I tell you. Bullies also have enemies, and lots of them. And why not?

Your tormentors have been walking over others for a long time. Therefore, you can bet that they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them. These are enemies who will be more than happy to dish out the tea about them. So, know that it isn’t wrong to get the information.

2. Know that you aren’t the only one these creeps have bullied.

Understand that seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you. Why do you think these people are so good at making you feel bad about yourself?

Moreover, how do you think they got so good at it? They certainly didn’t get that way by magic, nor did it happen overnight. No.

Their successful bullying tactics came from many years of trial and error. As a result, they’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, there have been plenty of previous victims for them to practice on.

3. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Collect info on your bullies.

In other words, find out about their personal lives. Realize that your bullies have problems too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to make you miserable.

As I stated earlier, your bullies have enemies, and plenty of them. Find those enemies. Then, cozy up to them and finesse a little information out of them.

Listen closely as they tell you all the dirty details about them. You will be surprised at what you find out!

4. Befriend others whom your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a cinch!

Align yourself with these other victims. Bullies run in packs, so, why can’t victims?

Understand that there is strength in numbers. If you ban together, it’s a sure bet that your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Remember that bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you when you’re alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Keep company only with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself.

A good sign of a true friend is someone who uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. This person uplifts and encourages you. Moreover, they have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

However, victims of bullying often end up with fake friends who only tolerate them. As a result, these losers only find ways to humiliate them in public, then throw them under the bus when trouble comes for them.

This is because victims often become desperate for friends and companionship. Therefore, they latch onto the wrong people. Sadly, some of these targets would rather have sorry excuses for friends who treat them poorly than to have none at all.

In other words, they are under the false belief that anything is better than being by yourself. Having made that mistake myself, I’ve learned that it’s better to be alone.

Trust me when I tell you, anyone who belittles you even a little bit is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely. And, to an unsavory person, lonely means vulnerable and easy to use.

Therefore, these types only hang around to take advantage of you.

This is why you must remove these creeps from your life, and find better friends who respect you. Moreover, you must continue to keep company with those who genuinely like you and want to be with you.

Know that you deserve people who celebrate you, not those who only tolerate you.

6. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Show off your talents and gifts.

In other words, if you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! If you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

You’ll be surprised at how much it raises your self-esteem.

If you haven’t gotten up the courage to do these things yet, know that I understand because I’ve been there.

The bullying you suffer can increase such that you begin to fear showing anyone what you do well. You’re not only afraid that people will laugh at you, you’re also afraid that bullies will punish you for showing off.

However, understand that you have one shot and the time to take it is now. There are no do-overs. If you give in to fear and forgo doing what you’d really like to do, you’ll end up regretting it later.

Therefore, come out of your shell and take every opportunity to showcase your talents! Who knows where it might take you?

Also, you must take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well to take good care of your body. But don’t forget to take care of your mental health too. This is equally important!

7. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Do the things that fill your soul.

Whether you love to swim, hike or camp, find opportunities to do these things. The more happy moments you create for yourself, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will lesson the pain of bullying attacks. Why? Because you’ll know that you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life that counter anything your bullies try to tell you.

As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you’ll be able to respond to their drivel with an inner horselaugh and a middle finger.

Also, it will help tip the balance of adversity and success more in your favor. Many targets of bullying often have a ton of social failures and only a tiny few successes.

Therefore, if you do all these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

But, if you allow bullies to destroy your confidence, they’ll also destroy your life. It’s a fact!

If your confidence goes, so goes your performance, your social abilities, and everything else!

Think about it. Most bullied children and teens do not do well in school if others do not treat them fairly. In other words, kids in school need respect and for people to give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow.

It’s the same for adults in the workplace. If an employee endures workplace bullying, it won’t be long before their work performance declines.

Moreover, once job performance goes down, others will take notice. Even worse, bullies in the department will only weaponize it. How? By using it as confirmation that the targeted employee isn’t as smart as he appears.

Therefore, when a person is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, they eventually stop believing in themselves. As a result, their performance suffers.

Although we hear of bullied kids who compensate for their social failures by diving into schoolwork, and making exceptional grades, these kids are exceptions to the rule.

So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your self-esteem with your life. Why? Because your life truly does depend on it!

Bullying and Self Confidence:

Here’s are other ways you protect your self-esteem.

Be there for others who are suffering.

Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.

Find a therapist to talk to.

Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.

And, whatever you do, Don’t be silent about it!

Take these steps to raise your confidence levels and, before long, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you see yourself. I guarantee it!

This post was all about bullying and self confidence to help you take measures to improve your confidence levels and your life!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

September 26, 2024September 26, 20243 Comments

You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate. In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one. You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example, joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

August 23, 2024August 22, 20245 Comments

‘Want to know how to outsmart a bully at school or work and make yourself bully-proof? Here is one proven three-part technique you need to know about.

Having a bully on your tail can be overwhelmingly stressful. If you’re anything like I was when it was happening to me, you’re probably wondering how to outsmart a bully. As someone who has been there and used this method successfully, I’m giving you the exact tactic that worked for me.

You are going to learn the exact tactic that works like a charm.

After you learn this three-step strategy. You will be able to successfully lure your bullies into a trap they won’t be able to escape from. Moreover, they will think twice before trying to use you again.

This post is all about how to outsmart a bully at school, work, or the community by using the three part tactic that every victim of bullying should know.

how to outsmart a bully

Before we get into the three-part strategy, let’s first discuss the bully’s attitude about anyone who is smart.

Whether in the school, workplace, community, or even family setting, bullies hate a person who’s smart. Why? Because anyone who’s intelligent is likely to see through their acts and smoke screens.

Moreover, bullies also hate anyone who’s independent because they’re least likely to be controlled and subdued. In fact, most independent people are smart because they know how to improvise and do not need anyone else to hold their hand.

As we see in so many examples today in government and media, bullies would rather have you dependent, submissive, and ignorant. Now, why is this?

It’s because an ignorant person is a gullible person who will believe anything others tell them even if it leads them to the slaughter.

naivete is the root of dependence and submissiveness.

People who aren’t very bright, are the easiest to take power from and control because they never think for themselves. Also, they never think critically. People with low IQ take everything at face value and will fall for anything.

Moreover, a person who is naive either hasn’t had enough life lessons to learn, or they’ve been coddled and sheltered. In other words, they weren’t allowed to fall on their butt and have never been made to pick themselves back up.

Therefore, this person is also dependent. They are dependent because they never learned how to fend for themselves. Who can learn anything when, people are constantly bailing them out?

The ignorant are also submissive because they’ll do anything people, especially those who have a little influence (politicians, media, celebrities, sports figures…anyone with authority and clout) tell them just to stay in their good graces and those of society and the public.

How to outsmart a bully: Realize that Bullies easily take advantage of those who are naive, dependent, and submissive.

Therefore, understand that knowledge is power. Having the knowledge of evil and the motives and intentions behind it is the only way you’ll be able to protect yourself from it.

On the other hand, if you don’t know evil is happening, you’ll never be able to defend yourself against it. Therefore, you will be blindsided and thrown off balance when evil finally strikes!

And then you will be defenseless!

And the same will be if you’re willfully blind and ignorant. Though ignorance may be bliss, it won’t help you when evil strikes and reality is staring you square in the face. You’ll be just as defenseless!

You’re never too old to learn. And the process of attaining growth and wisdom is never comfortable.

In fact, it can be downright painful because it requires that you unlearn some of the falsehoods that have been drummed into your head for so long.

It also requires that you admit that you were duped- that you fell for all the bullies’ lies and that you were wrong. And, yes, it also demands that you admit that you are, or have been…wait for it… a dimwit! Gasp! Ouch!

It’s what I had to do, and it wasn’t fun, I can tell you!

It will be worth it in the end!

However, once you allow yourself to go through this painful process. In other words, once you admit some hard truths, you will come out a much better version of yourself. You will be wise, and it will be as if you’ve been given a new set of eyes.

You will see so much clearer and be able to pick out the tiniest detail. And the devil is always in the details.

Again, ignorance is bliss, but only for so long. Eventually, you will do either one of two things. You will either wise up and act to save yourself. Or, you will suffer the shock of realizing you were duped all along.

And your eyes will finally open the moment you face the very real prospect of being destroyed by the very people who fooled you.

How to outsmart a bully at school or work: What is the three-part strategy?

1. go ahead and allow the bullies to think you’re ignorant.

In other words, play the fool!

Here’s one thing you must know right now. When people think you aren’t very smart, you can run circles around them if you know how to use it to your advantage.

Why? Because you can use it to deceive your bullies and lull them into a false sense of security. Moreover, you can give them a feeling of mind-superiority and disarm any suspicions they may have.

Here’s one of the anti-bullying quotes I put on social media a few years back.

“When people mistake you for being stupid, it can really be a good thing if you know how to use it to your advantage. You can pull some sly, shady stuff and get away with it because no one would ever suspect it was you. They’d never think you were smart enough to pull it off!”

This is especially true with aggressive bullies because they’ll often rush in foolishly and make rash decision. As a result, they can get themselves in a lot of trouble.

Furthermore, this also works on arrogant and overconfident bullies. Why? Because the easier they think it is to abuse you, the easier it is for you to flip the script on them.

How to Outsmart a Bully: If you’re going to play the fool, be a genius at it!

If you want to move up any ladder but are low on the social hierarchy, appearing foolish can be the perfect cover! In other words, look like a complete moron, and no one will ever suspect you have tricks up your sleeve.

When bullies deem you a dummy, they don’t perceive you as a threat. They may look down on you, yes. But they’ll likely leave you alone. Therefore, when you finally put your plan into action and strike without warning, you’ll catch them completely by surprise.

So let them think you’re a complete idiot and use it as a weapon against them and a boon for yourself. Bullies may laugh at you behind your back, but if you know how to use it to your advantage, you’ll be the last one laughing!

When Bullies Label You “not smart,” Always Remember this:

Everyone’s a dummy outside of their talents, gifts and fields!

Fish can’t fly,
Birds can’t swim,
Most pro football players can’t write fiction novels,
And most singers and writers probably suck at sports!

My point is that everyone has something they’re good at, maybe some haven’t found out what it is, but everyone has a talent somewhere!

Moreover, understand that people will say things like this any time they feel you are surpassing them at something. Even better they lull themselves into thinking you are the most foolish person on earth.

However, if you see it as an opportunity, you can turn tables on bullies and make utter fools out of them- right before the eyes of everyone else!

2. How to Outsmart a Bully at school, work, or anywhere: Slyly Bolster your bullies’ ego.

In other words, let them delude themselves into a false sense of superiority and security. Oh yes! You read that correctly! Let them think you’re the most ignorant fool around because it’s the first step in laying your trap for them.

And once they get the idea that you’re such a dim bulb that you couldn’t pour pee out of a boot, that’s when it’s time to pull something elaborate, sly and shady as hell!

Put another way, look even more ignorant than your bullies and their perceptions of you will be your shield. They will be your cover when you slyly bait them or attack them, trick or deceive them!

Then, once they do find out you were behind it, it’ll be too late. And your bullies will look like blooming idiots!

3. Strike Unexpectedly.

Put your attack or dirty trick into action. Then, stand back and watch your bullies as they stand there slack jawed. Enjoy the embarrassment they feel and laugh to yourself.

Here’s a good example of this three-step strategy: This is how to outsmart a bully at school.

Celie is in the seventh grade and is a victim of bullying. A group of female bullies sits at the table next to hers and they are brutal.

One day, suddenly and out of the clear blue, they begin acting nice to Celie.

Celie knows there was a catch somewhere. However, she decides to humor the bullies just to see what they want.

Sure enough, a week later, the bullies very sweetly ask her to take up their trays (Ah-HA!!!)

Celie smiles at her bullies and agrees to do it. Therefore, she decides to demean herself for a little while and be their maid for a while. Why? Because Celie has a slick plan for those little creepstresses!

1. How to outsmart a bully At School: Celie Let’s the bullies think she’s ignorant.

So, the other kids laugh and think Celie is a complete pushover. But they don’t suspect that Celie knows something they don’t. But, they’ll soon find out once the opportunity arrives for her to put her plan into action.

2. Celie bolsters her bullies’ ego by continuing to clean up their mess.

Celie continues to play maidservant to her bullies for the next two weeks. That is, until the day finally comes when the bullies decide to get up and leave the lunchroom.

Just as Celie hopes they do, the bully girls leave their trays, empty milk cartoons, dirty napkins and other garbage lying on the table. They have grown so arrogant, thinking Celie will continue to clean up after them.

3. Celie seizes the opportunity and strikes unexpectedly.

Celie sees her chance. She only gets up and goes to her next class, leaving those trays sitting right there on the table. She leaves the trays exactly where the girls have left them!

As a result, the cafeteria ladies take down the names of all the girls and reports them to the principal!

The principal then calls the girls out of class, takes them back to the cafeteria and makes them clean up their mess. Oh, the humiliation they suffer!

Word gets around about the incident in a matter of minutes, and the girls became laughing stocks of the school! School staff scowl at the girls and other kids point fingers at them, calling them pigs, skanks, slobs, and other degrading names!

Joy! Celie ends up making her bullies look like the utter garbage they are.

And the bullies’ reactions? Fury! Rage! They immediately threaten physical retaliation. They yell and scream, calling Celie all kinds of names, while she only points and laughs at them.

The bullies never bother her again after their anger cools. They learn a valuable lesson in this. Never underestimate someone you think isn’t smart. They just might prove to be smarter than you think.

This post is all about how to outsmart a bully so that you can humiliate your bullies so badly that they stop targeting you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

June 4, 2024June 4, 20245 Comments

Would you like to know if you fall into the category of easy targets for bullies so that you can better protect yourself?

There are six groups of people who make easy targets for bullies, and bullies, who are cowards of the lowest of scum, take full advantage.

These groups of people suffer the highest rates of bullying. They are the most persecuted. This is why it is so important that we, as decent human beings, look out for them and protect them.

You will learn all about who are on the list of easy targets for bullies.

Once you learn this information, you will better be able to be a champion for these people and they will have people like you to protect them when they cannot protect themselves.

This post is all about the seven groups that are easy targets for bullies and how you can be a voice for people in these persecuted groups.

easy targets for bullies

There are many groups of people people make objects of bullying. People who are just different. It doesn’t matter what that difference is. It’s human nature to want sameness. However, sameness gets boring fast.

For example, most people love pizza. It doesn’t mean they want to eat it every day of their lives.

So, which groups of people are the most likely targets of bullies? Here are your answers:

1. people who look different

They could be fat, thin, short, or extremely tall. It could be that they have an unusually large nose or ears. Maybe they have freckles or none at all.

Moreover, people with eyeglasses or braces may suffer bullying as well. However, someone with a cast on one of their legs may also endure it as would someone in a wheelchair.

The point is that bullies will pick out something visibly different about the person, then run with it. This only evidences the ignorance that bullies have.

However, bullies don’t target all obese or skinny people. Bullies only like to pick out a victim, then make life hard on them. It’s just want bullies do.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to see these bullies for what they truly are, ignorant morons with nothing better to do than to make other’s lives miserable. But, why do they do this?

They do it because of boredom or they live pretty miserable lives themselves. The only way bullies can feel better about themselves is to make others feel bad. They are pathetic souls we should pity.

2. Easy targets for Bullies: special needs people and those with disabilities

But why? Because, sadly, these particular targets are the most vulnerable and least valued in most schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

Furthermore, they are virtually defenseless. The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of society and even members of authority do not see these innocent individuals as human beings.

Not only kids in school, but adult bullies in the workplace will also target employees with disabilities.

Should it be any wonder bullies prey on sped students and disabled adults the most? It’s because bullies are great big cowards and all too often, the disabled are unwilling or unable to defend themselves properly.

Because students in special education are usually low on social intelligence, they’re easy to get a reaction from and bullies can exploit this at will.

For example, I cannot count the times during school, that I saw a bully go up to a sped student. They would snatch something away from them to get a little free entertainment.

Then, as soon as the child started crying or screaming, the bully said, “Oops! Oh, I’m sorry. Here ya go!” and give the item back as soon as they got the desired reaction out of the poor kid.

In the workplace, I’ve seen many adult bullies harass and attack fellow employees who were disabled. Those were the employees I stuck up for. Many times, I’d make myself a target at work just by speaking up for a disabled employee.

Even worse, I’ve also heard gut-wrenching stories of other teachers in schools bullying those in the special ed program. Again, these were teachers. Teachers!

**Even teachers aren’t above bullying sped students.**

I also witnessed it firsthand during high school when a sped girl in the lunch line just a few heads in front of me was laughed at and mocked by a group of cliquey teachers. Mind you. These women were supposed to be adults!

These cruel educators would look down their noses at this child and openly ridicule her, making her the butt of their jokes.

Moreover, I also heard the mean-spirited comments. The teachers remarked about how this poor girl would never find a job nor contribute anything to society. They concluded that she would only be a drain on the taxpayers’ money once she got out of school.

I have to tell you. Just listening to those remarks made me sick to my stomach! How I wish I’d had the guts to stand up for her when it happened!

However, I was only seventeen and a student myself at the time. I knew to keep my mouth shut because- well, these bullies were teachers.

I was also thankful that those cackling old shrews weren’t spewing any of their venomous wisecracks on me. Pure prejudice and discrimination were what this was!

Every school has those types of teachers and staff and they are usually the ones who not only mistreat the lunch ladies, custodians, and teachers who aren’t members of their little circle, they also mistreat sped students and sped teachers. And it’s a crying shame!

3. imaginative and creative people

This group is easy targets for bullies due to their vivid imaginations and creativity, which, by the way, isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a very good thing.

However, bullies hate imagination because they don’t have one and are jealous of anyone who does. Therefore, if you are creative and have an exceptional imagination, be prepared for bullies to attack your dreams and ambitions.

Just know that they do it out of jealousy. This should definitely make you feel better about yourself and encourage you to follow your dreams no matter what they tell you.

4. easy targets for bullies: people who are emotional

Understand that bullies are on the hunt for your reaction when they attack you, and, it’s the reason they do it. If bullies can get an emotional reaction from you, it only fuels their ego.

Therefore, you must keep your emotions in check and never give them the satisfaction.

You must realize that bullies bully you to get control of you. Moreover, when bullies can control a person, it gives them a huge rush of power and don’t think they will ever give that up.

This is why you must see your bullies exactly for what they are. And, what they are is a bunch of pathetic, cowardly, punks. Think about it, most people get their feel good from their talents or their hobbies. Some get it from togetherness with family and close friends.

These are the things that give most people meaning in their lives.

Bullies don’t have talents or hobbies. Moreover, they probably have dysfunctional families and friends who really don’t add much to their lives.

In fact, bullies have no redeemable qualities whatsoever. Therefore, their lives don’t have meaning. So, what’s left?

Attacking others and making them miserable is the only thing bullies have left. Therefore, in order to feel good about themselves, they must make someone else feel bad.

That alone should give your self-esteem a huge boost. So, don’t feel bad when bullies come for you and don’t get emotional. Realize that your bullies probably don’t have much going for them and this is their last-ditch effort to find one crumb of meaning to their miserable lives.

Then, be thankful that you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such measures. You’re a winner and you should know it.

5. People who are loners

Bullies love to target loners. Why? Because these are people who don’t have many friends. Moreover, no friends equals lack of support, which makes bullies even more emboldened to bully the person.

Remember that bullies are great big cowards. They will never bully those with numerous friends because they know that there will be people who will stand up for them. Therefore, loners are one of the easiest targets.

Also, most bullies run in packs. They always have an entourage of followers behind them to back them up. You see? Bullies never bully alone. They always do it in groups just in case the victim happens to be someone who isn’t afraid to fight back.

Bullies can do nothing on their own. Again, this fact should make you feel better about yourself because you aren’t afraid to stand alone. You can take care of yourself and that’s a great quality to have.

6. people who have low self-esteem

Bullies know that if someone has low self-esteem, they don’t like themselves very much. Therefore, they are least likely to stand up for themselves when attacked.

If you are one of these people, you must find ways to boost your self-esteem and see the value you bring to this world. Once you see your worth, you will no longer put up with those who make you feel bad and you won’t be afraid to either ditch them or defend yourself.

this post was all about categories of people who are easy targets for bullies to help you know what to fix in yourself and what to be proud of. It also helps you to know which people you should be helping.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Ways to Know the Difference

2. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

May 10, 2024May 11, 202411 Comments

‘Want to know how to spot gaslighting at work, especially if it happens to you? Here are the classic indicators of workplace gaslighting so that you can know when it’s time to to update your resume and plan your escape before your job and entire career take a huge hit.

Gaslighting at work is no joke. If you’ve been on the receiving end of it like I have, you’re wondering how you spot it and know when it’s time to carefully plan your resignation and transition to a new job with a better company.

You will learn about all the signs of gaslighting at work so that you can better protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these surefire indicators, you will be better equipped to make the decision whether to dust off your resume and get out of that toxic work environment.

This post is all about gaslighting at work. This post will give you the symptoms that every job applicant and employee with any integrity should know about

Gaslighting at work: Signs to watch for

Gaslighting is gaslighting regardless of where it happens. It is a type of manipulation to make its target doubt their own sanity or feel/seem crazy.

Although it happens at home and at school, it can also happen in the workplace. As with all gaslighters, workplace bullies gaslight their victims to avoid accountability for their own behavior. So, what are the signs?

1. The person doing the gaslighting is usually someone higher up.

When gaslighting happens at work, the people doing it are usually supervisors or those in management who use it to abuse the employees under them. In many cases, these unscrupulous authority members use charm and deceit to do their gaslighting. Therefore, it can be hard to spot it while it’s happening.

Supervisors and managers will often use their position of power and authority as leverage. This serves to discourage the employees who work under them from challenging them or reporting their abuse.

Also, the gaslighted employee is more than likely suffering workplace bullying and mobbing. Workplace bullying can add so much stress on an employee that they may be unable to think straight. And, when you cannot think straight, it’s even harder to identify gaslighting in real time.

People in authority are more inclined to gaslight in the workplace simply because of their authority. Why? Because they know that the word of a bottom of the hierarchy employee doesn’t carry much weight in the workplace.

Also, bottom employees face bigger threats of job loss and career ruination than those in positions of power.

In most cases of Gaslighting at work, IT’s not about right and wrong. It’s about Hierarchy.

Understand that in any case of workplace bullying, mobbing, or gaslighting, it’s not about right and wrong. It’s about hierarchy. Therefore, the unspoken message is this.

“We’re in charge, you’re not, so, we can beat our chests and get away with it. And your best bet is to shut up and take the abuse or quit and go somewhere else. Good luck with that, by the way! You still have to list us as a work reference. So, not only can we fire your butt, we can also block you from getting future employment anywhere else.”

Sadly, there are some truly psychotic managers out there and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

However, it is still possible to spot gaslighting if you remain calm and know what to look for. If you are being gaslighted by a boss, your best recourse will most likely to first, gather your evidence.

Next, you quietly secure another job with a different company and put in your two-week or thirty day notice of resignation. Finally, once you leave, you’re free to sue the pants off the company. That is, IF, you have sufficient evidence to do so.

2. the gaslighter in charge is vague in their instructions.

Bullies use vagueness as a weapon. Bully bosses are always vague in their instructions. Understand that they do this deliberately. It’s a slick way for them to withhold information that’s vital to an employee’s job performance.

Moreover, workplace bullies do this in order to make the employees they despise look incompetent. Remember this. If you ever find yourself on the wrong side of a bully boss, you can be sure that they will be looking for any excuse to fire you.

Therefore, look for them to be as vague as possible when they give you instructions on how to perform your job. In other words, they will intentionally leave out important details. Later, they will admonish you harshly, in front of an audience, to humiliate you and make you look like a moron. This is just another form of gaslighting at work.

When this happens to you, I would highly suggest that you get out your resume and look for employment somewhere else. You want to do this before things get worse. And believe me, they are about to get worse, much worse.

Therefore, it’s better to go ahead and head it off now before it escalates into something that could destroy your career.

3. gaslighting in the workplace also includes a disregard of company policy.

For instance, if an employee the bully boss doesn’t like gets hurt on the job and files a report. The supervisor will accidentally-on-purpose forget to send it through the proper channels.

Then, he will accuse the injured employee of failing to report an on-the-job accident. Therefore, this provides the evil boss just another excuse to get rid of the employee.

And who’s the upper management going to believe? The employee or the supervisor? I think you already know the answer to that question.

This is why you should always make copies of the accident report if you ever get injured on the job. You will save yourself a truckload of trouble.

Again, gather your own evidence and plenty of it. Then, when another job opportunity comes open, get the hell out of there. Once you leave that hell-hole and you’re clear of any of the bullies, then haul them into court if you have satisfactory evidence to do it.

4. moving the goalposts is another form of gaslighting at work.

Understand that if you’re on the wrong side of a workplace bully in a position of power and you are lucky enough to reach a company goal, your bully boss will move the goalposts. They do this on purpose to make you look slow.

Though you may exceed goals time and time again, realize that your bully boss may view your successes as threats to his job. Therefore, he/she will cheat by raising the standards so high that it will be impossible for you (or anyone else) to reach.

Therefore, this will give them plenty of fodder to exercise their authority by chewing you and everyone else out for “failing to meet the company quota.”

Don’t even try to meet those impossible goals. You’ll only wear yourself out eventually. Besides, how many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you going to make before you become exhausted?

How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards will never yield desired results?

You’ll only end up disappointed because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully in the workplace, or anywhere for that matter.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. Realize that these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

Again, the best you can do is look for other employment. Then, once you have another gig lined up, blow on out the door and bid these tyrants good riddance. No job is worth your mental or physical health.

5. gaslighting at work is also done by co-workers.

Even co-workers may gaslight you in hopes of securing that coveted promotion. In other words, they kick you and others down to move up in the company.

Other forms of gaslighting by co-workers is when they take credit for your work. And when you speak out against it, they make it look as if you’re trying to take credit for theirs. In essence, they reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Consequently, this tactic is so easy it shouldn’t work. But, it does.

Other forms of gaslighting at work by co-workers include them making up negative stories about you.

Also, they will deliberately sow discord between you and other co-workers. In other words, they will cause unnecessary conflict between you and your colleagues to make you look as if you’re a troublemaker who just isn’t a team player.

Lastly, bullying co-workers will also intimidate your colleagues and threaten them with retaliation if they continue to associate with you.

In conclusion, you must remember this very important tidbit here:

Most cases of workplace bullying, mobbing, and gaslighting by co-workers have somebody high-up behind the scenes, directing the entire movie. Put another way, your co-workers are likely gaslighting and bullying you at the behest of a bully supervisor or manager.

And they do this because the person in power has given them incentives to do so. They’ve offered them promotions or maybe even huge bonuses to bully you out of your job.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you begin an exit plan the moment you find yourself in these kinds of situations. The sooner you quit and move on to greener pastures, the better off you’ll be.

This post was all about gaslighting at work to help you decide when it’s time to prepare your exodus, cut your losses and move on to a better job and work environment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

May 7, 2024May 6, 20243 Comments

Would you like to know how to respond to darvo that bullies use to discredit you when you report their bullying or speak out against it? Here are the most powerful ways you must know.

The DARVO method that bullies use is tricky. Many victims of bullying are at a loss as to how to respond to it. As one who has had this method used on me, I am giving you the most powerful ways to respond.

You will learn about how to respond to DARVO properly and the the best responses that will shut this method down for good.

After learning these points, you will be extra prepared the next time a bully uses this evil technique against you.

This post is all about how to respond to DARVO tactics that bullies use. This is important information every victim of bullying, even narcissistic bullying, should know.

How to respond to darvo:

1. learn what darvo is and how bullies use it.

The first step in learning how to properly defend yourself against any bullying tactics is to learn exactly what each of those tactics is.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Realize that this is a classic reaction bullies make any time the victim calls out their bad behavior.

If you are a victim of such tactics, it is imperative that you educate yourself on them.

Additionally, you need not only memorize the definition and textbook description of it. You must also know what DARVO looks like as it is happening.

For instance, a narcissistic bully may attack you and you may call them out on their rotten behavior. The bully reacts by telling you, “it’s no big deal.” Or, he may say something to the tune of, “you’re making something out of nothing.”

Understand that these are classic DARVO comebacks because they invalidate reality and make you out to have over-reacted. Don’t fall for it. You know what they did and that it was wrong. Therefore, continue to stand strong and stick to your guns.

the bully will project.

Moreover, the bully will become extremely aggressive and attacks your character and credibility. They may even attack your motives and intentions.

The bully may also dissolve into a puddle of tears or begin yelling in anger while attacking you. Bullies are expert at turning on emotions to achieve a desired result, which is to make it look like you instigated their abuse. In other words, they make it look as if they were only reacting to what you did to them.

Also, the bully may use insults, threats, and gaslighting to discredit your description of their abuse. Moreover, they will swear up and down that they’re being unfairly accused and that you are making false accusations against them to cover your bad behavior.

Put simpler, they will accuse you of doing to them the very same things they, in fact, did to you. This is classic projection and you should call it out as such.

As another attempt to deflect, bullies will also try to justify their evil behavior by shifting blame to you.

Understand that bullies do all this to reverse the roles and in hopes that others will see them in a more positive light. Bullies hope that others will see their abuse of you as a reaction to something you must have done to them first. All the while, they are continuing to inflict more abuse onto you.

2. whatever you do, stay calm.

This is an absolute must because your bully is hoping and praying that you will lose your cool. But don’t!

Why? Because bullies will use your emotions as confirmation that you are either cuckoo or a bad person. And, believe you me, they’re masters at this!

Also, they will misconstrue your emotions (crying, etc.) as a sign of guilt. Instead, remain calm and the bully is more likely to be the one flipping out because they can’t shake you.

I have found that by remaining calm and cool, you will drive them completely insane with anger. Therefore, you force your bullies to expose themselves.

Remember the quote in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

“Let the enemy destroy themselves.”

Again, your calm demeanor will arouse not only the bully’s anger, but also their fear. Your bully will be flabbergasted as to why you’re so calm. This will throw them off balance.

Moreover, they’ll flip out and begin yelling, shouting, and cursing. Don’t let this behavior intimidate you because his is what you want them to do to expose and embarrass themselves.

Remember that bullies have big egos and an image to protect. Also, they have an intense need for control. And they will do everything they possibly can to preserve their egos and maintain not only control, but also the image they have long ago crafted for themselves.

Although staying calm can be difficult when bullies abuse you, it can also be most effective in getting your bullies riled and bringing their true natures out in the open. The calmer you are, the crazier your bullies will get until they unwittingly expose themselves through their own behavior.

3. How to Respond to DARVO: Call the behavior out by name.

This is why you must first know what DARVO is, as well as the names of all the behavior that goes with it. This way, you can call it out by name and won’t sound as though you’re rambling.

Rambling makes you sound crazy and less believable. But naming the behavior and stating your case in a clear and concise manner makes you look more credible and makes the bully look unhinged. This is what you want.

For example, if the bully is projecting and accusing you of the very behavior they directed at you, Call it by name. Tell the bully in front of an audience that they’re clearly projecting to try and make themselves look like the good guy and that you are onto them.

If they are trying to justify their behavior, again, call it out. Say to the bully, “Don’t try to justify your behavior because there is no justification for it. Be an adult (or if it’s a child, you can say, ‘be a big girl/boy’) and take responsibility for your actions.”

4. Document, document, document!

This cannot be stressed enough! You absolutely must document everything in detail. Keeping a bullying journal is of the utmost importance, not only if you have a bullying partner at home but also if people bully and harass you at work or school.

Keeping documentation helps you to keep a record of bullying in a more clear, concise, and organized manner. Moreover, it is admissible in court and during tribunal at work or school board meetings.

When you document, always use the 5W Method (What? Who? When? Where? and Why? Also, if possible, How?) This allows your story to make more sense. Also, it effectively calls out any perpetrators and produces possible witnesses.

In other words, write down what happened, who was involved, who was around to see what happened (the names of any bystanders and witnesses). Also, write down when it happened (the exact date and time of occurrence).

Additionally, include where it happened (did it happen in the school locker room? The workplace parking lot?) and if you know, why it happened (was it because you reported your bullies’ abuse of you?) Be as detailed as humanly possible when you document!

How to Respond to Darvo: do your own investigation!

This is how you gather your own evidence. How to respond to DARVO doesn’t include waiting for anyone else to do anything you can just as easily do for yourself.

Never rely on the school or your workplace to conduct their own investigation. This is where many victims get screwed because when entities do their own investigations (if they do them at all) it will only be to their advantage and your detriment.

The reality is that schools, workplaces, or any entities for that matter, usually side with bullies. Why? Because not only are bullies expert at covering their behinds, but also, they are usually stars in the who’s who at school or higher-up in the workplace or organization.

Therefore, always do your own investigation. Documenting is the most effective way to gather your own evidence.

Also, depending on the laws in your state or jurisdiction, you could secretly record the bullying you suffer. Again, make sure the laws in your state allow recordings.

In other words, If you live in a two-party consent state, you must also have the permission of anyone you record. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you only need your own permission. Therefore, you are FREE to record!

Again, make sure you know the laws in your state before you do this. The last thing you want is for your bullies to have grounds to sue you for invasion of privacy. And you just know they would salivate over that opportunity. So, don’t give it to them.

5. practice self-care

In other words, be kind and compassionate to yourself. Make daily affirmations to yourself. Make I AM statements, “I AM a good person,” “I AM not wrong for standing up for myself,” “I AM lovable,” “I AM deserving of friends, family, and people who love me,” ” I AM worthy of God’s love because He loves me anyway, regardless of what I’ve done in the past,” etc.

And when you make these affirmations, believe them with all your heart.

Practicing self-care also means spending time with the people who love you and who want what’s best for you. Keep company only with those who lift you up and avoid people who bring you down. This is how you nurture your self-esteem and mental health.

Indulge in a good soak in the bathtub with bath bombs or treat yourself to a day at the spa.

Self-care is essential when dealing with this form of abuse.

this post was all about how to respond to darvo so that you can better protect yourself against this insidious form of abuse.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

Home Health Aids Bullied By Client’s Family

November 10, 2023November 3, 20236 Comments

Younger man visiting older man in a hospital or elder care facility

Millions of home health care aides report bullying by their client’s families and sometimes the client themselves. I worked in healthcare for 11 years and I have certainly had it happen to me. But I was lucky. I was in a position where I would drop the client’s case and walk away. However, many home health aides feel trapped in hostile environments and aren’t in a position to get out.

Moreover, I know a home health worker who cared for a client six hours per day. She worked four days a week and the elderly client was satisfied with the help she give her. Yet the client’s family totally screwed everything up for her (the client). And the worker had no choice but to drop the client in her refusal to deal with the family.

I’ll call this worker, Shelly. And we’ll call the client, Mrs. Shayes.

Here’s what she had to say when she told me her story:

Younger hands holding elderly hands in support

“I truly feel bad for my former client, Mrs. Shayes (not the client’s real name). Her family bullied good care workers and I truly felt bad for her. But I had to put my own health first and walk because these people were bordering on dangerous. I was the ninth worker this poor lady had in the span of only a year. So, that, in itself, spoke volumes.

When I first began working for and taking care of Mrs. Shayes, I noticed several red flags. The family members would talk such trash about the last health care worker who took care of her. Yet they put me on a pedestal because I did my job and was dedicated to my client. Although, this made me suspicious and leery of these people, I continued to do my job. I showed up every morning and did what I needed to do to meet her needs.

An Unsanitary house

The client lived in a house with six healthy adults, including two who were freeloaders. Two babies also lived there. The place was so filthy, it looked like a hog pin. Some mornings, I would arrive to see a dirty diaper or two lying in the dinner table- seriously! A dookie diaper! On the kitchen table! Where people eat!

Furthermore, When I went to do Mrs. Shayes’ laundry, I would go into the laundry room and wade through two feet of wall-to-wall dirty and smelly clothes to get to the washer and dryer. The living room and hallway floors were also spotted with dog and cat pee/poop and the stench was enough to make you gag!

It was disgusting- so disgusting that flies and gnats were buzzing everywhere. In short, the place was a real sh*thole! These people were nasty!

female home health care aide assisting an elderly male client

Poor Mrs. Shayes and two toddlers lived in this! It just goes to show what pigs her family were. And I know I shouldn’t say these things, but these people definitely shouldn’t be allowed to have children or a helpless elderly woman in their care. Because, I kid you not, these people lived live cockroaches.

I say cockroaches because animals lived better than this.

A toxic family and work environment

Also, I would personally witness them yell and curse Mrs. Shayes on a regular basis and it would absolutely infuriate me to no end. It takes the lowest kind of lowlife to abuse an elderly and disabled person. It occurred to me that they did this as a way to control her.

Words cannot describe what rotten maggot ridden garbage I worked around. Not only did I fear for this lady, I also feared for my own health as well. You just knew that house was a breeding ground for bad bacteria.

Additionally, when I informed the company after work, they informed me that they had contacted the state and an ombudsman on numerous occasions.

This family was so dysfunctional that they would even curse each other out and get into fights and screaming matches. I can tell you why I stayed. I continued to work in that kind of environment because I worried for the client. But, in the back of my mind, I knew that it was only a matter of time before they would come for me.

And sure enough, they did.

The company I worked for set it up that each morning I arrived, I was to call in from one of the family member’s cellphones. It was how I reported that I’d arrived at the client’s residence to start my shift. Everyone in the family were night owls so they often slept until about 1-2pm. So, most days, I would wake one of them up in order to use a cellphone to call in.

A ground of wooden men with several arrows pointing to a single blue man, mobbing concept

However, When I woke the 21 year old grandson to use his phone, he shouted at me and threw the phone at me because I’d awakened him.

Later that day, I called somewhat of a meeting with the family and attempted to resolve the problem. I asked if someone could leave their phone sitting in the kitchen where I could call in without waking one of them. That’s when Mrs. Shayes, granddaughter’s boyfriend, who lived with them at the time, blew up and approached me like he was going to physically attack me. Talk about a house full of wolves!

under threat of physical attack

As such, I demanded in a stern voice that he ‘get away from me, now!’ But he kept inching his way closer. That’s when I was done. No way was I going to allow these lowlifes to abuse and talk down to me. I immediately called the company from my cellphone and told them that I was leaving, that these people were batshit crazy, and I never wanted to work at this residence again.

Skull and crossbones with the word, "Toxic" underneath

So, I “fired” them! It was good riddance to bad rubbish. And when I walked away from these people, my company understood because, as I said before, I had been the ninth worker they’d sent to the residence. Therefore, they didn’t terminate me. They’d just gotten a new client and they sent me there minutes after I left “the wolves den.”

However, the sad thing is that in abusing their loved one’s health aid, they made it difficult for Mrs. Shayes to keep good workers to take care of her. So, I believe that she was the one who suffered the most from this.

God opened an even bigger and better door for me! I had the good sense and courage to walk away and got a better client, so I ended up winning. Yay me! Just say no to drama!

a family investigated by the state

From what someone told me later, the state continued to investigate these people. I don’t know what came of Mrs. Shayes but I can only hope and pray that the state removed her from the home and placed her in a clean environment with caring people where she could be safe and live out her golden years in peace…”

I feel for Shelly, but even more, I feel for the lady who lived under such conditions and, like Shelly, who obviously hated to leave because she felt as if she was leaving her client to be abused, I hope the lady ended up in a more wholesome environment.

Also, I’m proud of Shelly for putting her safety first and escaping such a toxic family. Know that home healthcare workers do a thankless job and they’re often the objects of bullying either by the client, or their families. And most often, it is the families of the clients who abuse these workers and I would advice any home health aid never to be afraid to walk out if these conditions arrive.

Shelly was lucky in that she had the support of the company she worked for. In most cases, however, most companies will side with the abusers. And, if that’s the case, than these companies do not deserve to have such dedicated workers under their employ.

Understand that when you work in someone else’s home, it puts you at the mercy of not only the client, but also their families.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Plausible Deniability

June 4, 202216 Comments

Most bullying is emotional and psychological torture. Sure, there are many physically violent bullies out there and they are psychologically traumatizing enough using their fists. However, physical bullies are either (a)not very socially intelligent and persuasive, (b) attack in groups wearing masks over their faces to give them anonymity, (c) so well-connected that they’re almost untouchable, or (d) couldn’t care less about the consequences they will face.

The reason most bullies prefer psychological violence is because there are no bruises, cuts, wounds, scars, or any visible marks on the target’s body. And without visible marks, there’s no proof of the abuse. Therefore, when you report the abuse, the perpetrators aren’t likely to get into trouble for it and you stand more of a chance of being accused of being too sensitive, paranoid, or mentally ill.

These are the reasons I recommend being prepared when you know you must walk into a snake pit.

Here are ways to gather evidence:

1. Document the abuse- I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it many more. It’s crucial to document each bullying incidence and do it in detail. Use the 5W method- (What, who, why, when, where…and sometimes how) write down what happened, who was involved, who were the bystanders and witnesses, why the bullying incident happened (retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?) when it happened (date and exact time of incidence) and where it happened (school bathroom, locker room, gym, behind the school, the parking lot, etc.).

2. Wear a body camera- If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction and the laws permit you to wear one, I recommend you wear a body camera. In fact, I can’t stress it enough! Body cams that record both video and audio are your best bet, but if you can only get a cam that records video, that’s fine too as you can still capture physical attacks and body language. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a video is worth a thousand pictures because if bullying is caught on video, there’s no question that it’s happening and it’s the best evidence you can get!

3. Keep a digital recorder handy- These are good for recording verbal altercations and many of them today can play recorded sound that is clear and not muffled.

4. Make 3-4 Copies of your evidence- Whether it’s documentation, body cam recordings, or digital audio recordings, it’s always best to make several copies of the evidence because schools, companies, and other entities are notorious for (deliberately) misplacing and losing a target’s evidence of bullying. Yeah, I know. Convenient, isn’t it?

5. Keep each of your copies in different (undisclosed) locations- This is so important! Because, if you think school districts and companies haven’t snooped through a target’s office, or worse, hired people to break into their houses to search for evidence they can dispose of, you’re wrong! When it comes to the threat of being sued, schools and companies will resort to anything, and I mean anything!

6. Screenshot and save any nasty and abusive emails, texts, or private messages- Very important! Any time bullies resort to cyber-bullying you via email, text, or private message, they automatically leave a paper trail! Screenshot it, save it, and, if need be, print them all out. Make copies of them and the files. Store each copy in an entirely different place (your house, your grandma’s house, your lawyer’s office, etc.) Store them in a fireproof safe!

They snoop through your garbage when you put it out on the street for the trash-men to pick up the next morning, break into your vehicle, and other nefarious things to cover their butts. I’ve read many an article about these things happening to targets of bullying, whether in school, the workplace, or community. And in today’s world, bullies are now targeting their victims for surveillance drones and school boards are targeting parents with electronic surveillance as well, then spreading their private information and pictures of children to some evil entities.

It’s a very dangerous world nowadays and you never know what sick people you just might be dealing with.

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your own evidence. Quietly do your own investigation. It’s pointless to rely on the school or workplace to investigate for you because the results will only be in the bullies’ and the investigating entity’s favor, not yours! Never, ever trust anyone else to gather evidence or investigate for you. When you’re targeted for bullying, you cannot afford to trust anyone but yourself and I’m not joking! When you’re bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. The only person you can depend on is you. Only you can gather the evidence you need to prove that you’re targeted by bullies, take legal action, and get justice.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 5)

April 15, 202215 Comments

dreamstime_xs_91998086

(Continued from Part 4…)

Six months after Darnell and I walked away from the workplace cesspool, that was Shady Grove Living Center, the fit finally hit the shan. I was outside walking my dog when a neighbor, who still worked at the nursing home, stopped me to relay some exciting news.

Beau, Harry, and Cammie, better known as “The Thieving Three,” had all been fired from the facility earlier that day- only an hour or two earlier, in fact. The news had traveled that fast!
She told me that the owners of the facility had suddenly shown up and had the three of them escorted off the property. An Acting Administrator took Beau’s place. A temporary Bookkeeper/Payroll Clerk and Head of Maintenance took the positions of Cammie and Harry.

Over the next few weeks, several others were fired as well. The DON (Director of Nursing) was let go after stealing narcotics to feed her addiction to pain pills, as were a few other nurses. The owners also terminated the dietary manager and several CNAs- who had all been loyal flying monkeys to The Thieving Three.

So many got the ax and within such a short amount of time. The owners cleaned that place out. After it was all said and done, I could probably count on one hand the people spared.

It was the buzz around town for well over a month. After they were terminated, Harry and Cammie were so scared and humiliated that they threw everything into two U-hauls and skipped town. Surprisingly, Shady Grove never pressed charges and I was told that it was because the nursing home was afraid that pressing charges might tarnish it’s reputation.

Harry and Cammie moved somewhere around middle, TN, somewhere close to the Tennessee River. Cammie ended up working for the County Medical Center there, in the same position she had at Shady Grove. Later, she committed the same crimes there; only the Medical Center didn’t let it slide as Shady Grove had.

They pressed charges and Cammie was found guilty. The judge sentenced her to three years in state prison but she only served two.

I’ll never forget the tyrannical reign of The Thieving Three over the employees of Shady Grove, and neither will I forget their downfall. This is why I firmly believe that most bullies usually get their just desserts in the end, just as these bullies did.

Sometimes, you must let your bullies do what they do until they get too cocky, too careless, and end up falling on their own swords.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 4)

April 15, 20222 Comments

(Continued from Part 3…)

I remember a night when one of the flying monkeys, Shelly, a CNA, approached me in the hall, from behind and began screaming, cursing, and threatening to jump me over a rumor that had it that I was stabbing her in the back.

She threatened to attack me there on the spot physically, and there were bystanders!
When I turned around, faced her, and called her out for being unprofessional, Shelly became twice as angry.

Later, I was afraid that I might face termination because Shelly had escalated the confrontation to an unprecedented level. Also, I’d seen so many others whom these people had pulled the same tactic on getting fired left and right!

I remember thinking,

“Well, if I do get canned, they won’t be able to say they didn’t have to work hard at achieving that goal! At the very least, I’ll leave here knowing I put up one hell of a fight!”

One of the bystanders was Deb, the charge nurse, and Shelly’s supervisor and buddy. Therefore, I knew that Deb would sweep Shelly’s behavior under the rug and paint me as the instigator.

Sure enough, she did. These people had a way of turning everything around to fit their narrative and getting others to agree with it.

The other guy was always to blame.
It was always the other guy’s fault.
It was never their fault, and they were never wrong.

They reported the incident to Darnell and suggested that he terminate me right then and there. When he talked to me about it, I calmly explained that Shelly had approached me from behind in a very threatening manner, that I feared for my physical safety, and didn’t know what she would do had I not faced her down.

And by this time, I’d worked under Darnell long enough that he knew the kind of person I was and that I was only taking care of myself.

So, again, Darnell went to bat for me. Also, I had made an awesome friend out of Jane, who was another charge nurse at the nursing home. She, too, went to bat for me as did several of my coworkers.

Each time nothing happened to me, the bullies only became angrier and crazier, until they were all out for blood!

It was then that I starting noticing Jules hovering around in the hall just outside the door to the laundry room. Later, I’d see him milling around nearby anytime I’d stop in the hallway to greet and talk to friends. And I’ve got to tell you! He gave me such a creepy vibe!

Next, I began seeing him standing across the street from my apartment, smoking a cigarette. And I could tell he was watching my apartment. Now that freaked me out!

I found out that he and the neighbor across the street had begun dating and that he was there to see her. She didn’t allow smoking in her house, so he had no choice but to smoke outside. Still, I didn’t feel any better. I felt as if I was being stalked!

I knew why he was hanging around so close. Jules was an eavesdropper for Cammie and her group, listening in on our convos in the laundry room and my discussions with friends in the hallway. Everybody knew it because he’d eavesdropped on many others.

My instinct also told me they’d enlisted him to watch my house. He was watching to see what company I had over- looking for any information with which to report back to Cammie.

The fact that Jules’ girlfriend lived across the street from me was a convenient cover for him and they knew it. Although I knew what was going on, I didn’t speak of it because I knew I couldn’t without sounding completely nuts. I did the best thing by keeping it to myself but filing it in the back of my mind. The only people I told were my closest family and they knew I wasn’t kidding.

Luckily, his girlfriend was a good friend of mine and I knew she only kept him around because she was lonely. So, I used it to my advantage, and cozied up to her a little bit more so she would volunteer to tell me little tidbits about what he was doing. Sure enough, she confirmed my suspicions.

Not much later, Darnell, having himself become a target of the vitriol that inflected the workplace, announced to us that he had put in his two-week notice of resignation and was moving on to a better job and a better work environment.

Although we were happy that he’d finally found something better and was getting out of that hellhole, we were also deeply saddened because we’d miss him so much. We saw Darnell as our fearless leader, our Captain Ahab, and our hero!

What kind of leader would the new supervisor be? And would they protect us from those devils down the hall as Darnell had?

Choosing not to leave anything to chance, I decided that I’d put in my notice as well. Being the type of woman who would always think ahead, I knew that once Darnell was gone, I’d be totally at their mercy. I had a sickening feeling that the next supervisor would toady up to the bullies in the upper echelons of management and the social order.

Strict Boss: Angry upset young business woman with blank speech bubble on white on gray background. Vector illustration.

I knew that Cammie had long waited, with bated breath, for the day when Darnell would either quit or get fired. Then, she could begin working on the new supervisor, ingratiate herself in them, and turn them against us.

Sure enough, my closest coworker told me she’d overheard Cammie saying precisely that, and she was recommending that the new supervisor terminate three of us. Knowing I was one of the three, I quickly filled out my two weeks notice of resignation and gave it to Darnell.

Darnell introduced us to the new supervisor. She was a short, dumpy woman in her forties and by her facial expression, which was hard and cold, I made the conclusion that putting in my notice was the smartest thing to do and gave myself a pat on the back.

Spy Snooping Spiders Spies Covert Intelligence 3d Illustration

Off and on during the last two weeks, I’d catch those tiny micro flashes of suspicion and contempt the new supervisor would flash toward me and a few others. And the bullies were completely enraged once word of my pending exit reached their ears. But once I was out of there, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was quite proud of myself for having escaped that toxic place and walked away from the job with confidence and my self-esteem still intact.

But the best and juiciest part is yet to be told!

(Continued in Part 5…)

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 3)

April 15, 202212 Comments

(Continued from part 2…)

Everyone knew about it, but it seemed they were afraid to report it. It was also evident that Harry and Cammie were getting fat off the embezzlement and not only those two but the administrator (Beau) too.

We secretly referred to these three ringleaders of the bully group as “The Thieving Three.” Fran, Marilyn, Misti, and Jules were their lieutenants. At the bottom of this little workplace cabal were the flying monkeys.

There were so many policy violations and illegal activities happening right under our noses. They are as follows:

1. Beau had his Winnebago RV on the property for Harry and Jules to do repairs on during work hours. Again, this was all done out in the open.

Beau knew that most were too scared to talk about it. So, why put in the extra effort to try and cover it up? He would have them work on his camper, therefore neglecting the repairs the nursing facility needed. They would also work on his car. Can you imagine how much Beau was saving on auto repairs while he ran that nursing home?

2. Fighting and Assault on Company Property.

And by the administrator himself! Beau was having an affair with another employee. When her husband found out, he came to the nursing home to confront Beau. And Beau invited him out to the parking lot to fight. And the two men got into a brutal fistfight in the parking lot, in broad daylight, in front of God and everyone. And it happened while Beau was on the clock!

After the fight was over, Beau sent word to every employee that if they uttered one word about the incident at work or outside of work, they would not only lose their jobs, but he’d make sure they didn’t work anywhere else.

3. Embezzlement.

Beau, Harry, and Cammie were robbing Shady Grove blind! Beau made off with several hundreds of thousands of dollars, as did Harry and Cammie. And they were moving up in the world quickly. They all suddenly bought new vehicles and vacation homes on the lake. They began taking lavish vacations and taking them anytime they wanted. For the professions they were working in, they were living high.

Cammie was the payroll clerk and bookkeeper of the facility. She would take the money and doctor the books to make everything look legit. Her husband Harry would clock in, fill out bogus work orders, leave for the day, then come back that night and clock back out before going home. They would also take as many days off as they wanted in a year instead of the allotted vacation time allowed.

Cammie would also make herself Power of Attorney over widowed and childless residents with no families. And she would do this by talking them into signing legal documents, agreeing to leave any assets to her and her husband once they passed away.

Cammie helped her teenage daughter get hired at the nursing home as the person who passed the snacks, juice cups, and the pitchers of ice and water around. She fixed the wages so that her daughter would make twenty dollars per hour on the job, which brings me to the next violation.

4. Nepotism.

Harry and Cammie fixed the system where her children and family got first dibs at any jobs. When the nursing home hired these family members, they would receive massive hourly wages, anywhere from double up to five times the going payments for the job.

It didn’t take long for the whisper to spread, but we had to be careful who we talked around because there were eyes and ears everywhere and increasing in numbers.
Beau, Harry, and Cammie ran the place. Right or wrong, anyone who challenged them in any way, was bullied and mobbed out! And so was anyone who slighted or stood up to any of their favorite people.

Again, Cammie increased her attacks. More and more, she’d provoke me, but I wouldn’t bite. She and the cabal instituted several smear campaigns against me and a few others, but we only doubled down in our resolve not to let them shake us.

I must tell you that it got rough at times. On a few occasions, the payroll clerk and a few CNAs threatened to catch me out and do physical harm. But it never happened, and back then, I went out all the time. I was lucky.

Although the provocations were stressful, I was able to put my hand up to her, tell her what I thought of her, then walk away.

Darnell was excellent! He was a quiet guy, yet firm when he had to be. Darnell was like me. He kept his mouth closed and observed everything that went on around him. The man was much smarter than what people took him to be. He knew what was happening, and he took care of us!

I could never have been more grateful to have such an awesome supervisor. However, this only made the bullies more desperate.

(Continued in Part 4…)

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 2)

April 14, 202231 Comments

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

(Continued from Part 1…)

In the last post, I talked about how everything started out great and that I was well-liked by almost everyone. I also mentioned the incident when I responded in kind after Candi, a CNA, caught a bad attitude. Needless to say, I found out that, right or wrong, talking down to her was a no-no because she had connections.

And over several months, one by one, many people turned against me. Luckily, several of my real friends knew how Candi was and had no respect for her. They were the people who had my back, so I can say that I did have allies who took care of me.

However, there was a clear division at Shady Grove Living Center. There was the administrator, who I’ll call *Beau, *Cammie, the payroll clerk, the department heads,*Harry (who was Cammie’s husband), one maintenance guy, whose name was *Jules, and two CNAs, *Shelly was one and *Cheryl who were two flying monkeys. On our side were my supervisor Darnell, all of my coworkers (except for one suck up), a charge nurse, and the rest of the CNAs who had my back.

At first, the bullies made false reports about me to Darnell. On the days after my shift (I worked part-time in the evening), the third shift CNAs would complain that I hadn’t stocked the linen closets on each of the halls and that they had no clean bed pads, bedsheets, nor gowns for the residents who soiled their beds during the night.

But because I always thought ahead and could easily predict what these people would do, I had made sure to pull out my cellphone and take pictures of all my finished work at the end of my shift.

Once I was done stocking the linen closets, I took photos of all the shelves inside, chock full of freshly clean linens. I then took pictures inside all the empty barrels that were marked “dirty laundry,” before clocking out and going home. And, with the time-stamps on each image, there was no question I’d done my job.

I took pictures every night, at the end of the shift. And I had proof to show Darnell every time they lied.

When that didn’t work, the bullies only turned up the harassment, as word quickly spread throughout the nursing home that I’d taken pictures of all finished work.

In a way, it was funny because each of the linen closets was directly across from a nurse’s desk, where the bullies would sit around and gossip. And I remember overhearing them make snide remarks about my camera and my taking pictures, to which I’d only snicker and chuckle to myself.

Harry, the head of maintenance, would talk pretty ugly to me, but I knew I wasn’t the only one because many times, I’d see him talk terrible to several others- even a few who worked for the nursing home. So, I didn’t feel like the Lone Ranger.

And because I’d already been a target of bullying in school, I knew what to expect as all bullies pull pretty much the same tactics, only adult bullies are much more sophisticated with it. Therefore, I was able to prepare, stay a few steps ahead, and outflank them.

During this time, I began to witness a couple of the bullies in this workplace clique commit a few illegal activities. On one instance, I worked a double shift to cover for a coworker who was sick.

Early one Saturday morning, I saw with my own eyes Harry walk into the back door of the nursing home, dressed in camouflage and his bright orange hunting vest. He crept down the hall past the laundry room, then stopped at the time clock and clocked in. Harry then filled out a bogus work order, then left.

He didn’t return until late that evening to clock out and leave again. I’ll never forget the look on his mug when he saw me sitting outside on my last break as he drove by in his shiny new pickup. And when I told a trusted friend at work a day or two later about what I’d seen, she wasn’t at all surprised.

“Girl! He’s been clocking out and going home on the weekends since I’ve been here! And I’ll tell you something else,” *Brenda told me, “Cammie’s been embezzling from this facility, and she’s been ripping off some of the residents who don’t have families- weaseling them into signing papers to leave their assets to her when they leave this world!”

I felt my eyes pop out of my head as Brenda gave me an ear full!

(Continued in Part 3…)

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 1)

April 14, 202217 Comments

Before I go into the story, I want to tell you that very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a target of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in the toxic and poisonous environment, I’m about to tell you of, I saw so many people who fell victim.

Droves of innocent workers ended up losing their jobs and some, their careers because of the evil actions of a clique of psychopaths who were handed power they had no business having.

These employees were the best and the kindest people, and my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.

In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with *Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best. Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. Still, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!

Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home, only for a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they loved to think they did.

I was already well aware that the site was very toxic, but I always stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.

I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies and went on with my business. Another beauty was that there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area, so we didn’t have to work with them nor be around them much at all.

The only time I saw any of them was toward the end of the shift when I’d roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.

Therefore, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and was seemingly well-liked. That is until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a smart alick.

This CNA, whom we’ll call, *Candi, had it in her mind that those who worked in the laundry department, were beneath her and expected them to carry hers and everyone else’s water. Although the CNAs didn’t make any more than we did, Candi and a few others had no regard for us. They didn’t see us as human beings because we worked in sanitation.

After I schooled her, Candi felt anger and indignation. So, she stormed away and cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique. She couldn’t stand that I’d smart-mouthed her, and “how dare” I talk to her like that. Oh! “The nerve of” me!

And she took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset. And I knew why she was so peeved. She was the type who couldn’t handle being told a thing or two by someone she deemed inferior.

It’s hilarious when I think of it! But that’s when the bullying began.

(More in Part 2…)

* Not the real name of the person or entity.

5 Ways Bullies Set You Up to Fail

November 6, 20216 Comments

If you are a target of bullying, you must understand that your bullies will have slick ways of setting you up for failure. You must also learn to recognize these tactics, so you’ll be able to protect yourself.

Here are these tactics:

1. They distract you from your work. Workplace bullies deliberately distract their targets from their projects with constant interruptions, which are very time-consuming. Bullies know that if they can stall their targets, they’ll cause them to miss deadlines.

If you have a coworker who’s constantly distracting you, politely tell the person you’re busy and will be with them when you’re able or lock the door to your office if you have one. This may or may not go over so well, but you’re still asserting yourself and that’s important too.

2. Withholding information. Bullies deliberately prevent targets from having the information needed to do their jobs. If you are a victim, they will cause you to miss important meetings and deadlines, which can put your job and career in jeopardy.

If you find that you’re not getting the proper information to do your job, find other and creative ways to get your needed info. Keep your ears peeled in case someone has a big mouth.

3. Overloading you with work. Bully bosses will either overwhelm their targets with extra work or assign tasks that are impossible to fulfill or complete on time. They may even make them work extra long hours to stress them out and keep them from getting adequate sleep. Bullies know that a person can’t do their jobs as effectively if they’re sleep-deprived.

If this starts happening, it might be wise to quietly begin looking for another job. Tell no one of your plans to leave and for Heaven’s sake don’t tell them where you’re going! The last thing you need is for someone to make a quick phone call and cause your future employer a change of heart.

4. Misleading You. Bullies will sometimes give targets wrong times and dates for deadlines or meetings. This is done not only to sabotage you but to humiliate you and make you look incompetent.

Again, find other ways of finding these things out. Never trust your boss if he’s bullying you and never trust your coworkers either.

5. Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments. Bully bosses will often take targets off their regular work assignments and give them degrading or subservient jobs, such as cleaning the office bathrooms, making lunch and coffee runs for everyone else, serving coffee to the rest of the team, or emptying all the trash.

Again, this is when it might be time to begin looking for new employment. But do it in secret!

With knowledge comes empowerment!