inside the mind of a bully at work

Inside the Mind of a Bully

‘Want to take a peek inside the mind of a bully? Here’s exactly how they think when it comes to their targets and victims and how you can use it to protect yourself from them.

inside the mind of a bully

If you’re a target of a bully or a group of bullies, you must understand that they perceive you as their enemy. Moreover, this goes even if you haven’t done nothing to them. Because, chances are, you haven’t. In fact, you may pose no threat to them whatsoever.

However, the point is that, in their minds, you are a hated enemy and they refuse to see you as anything but.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what goes on inside the mind of a bully and how you can use it to defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all about this very important information, you will know more of what to expect from bullies and how you can use it to your advantage and stay a few steps ahead of them.

This post is all about what you’re likely to find inside the mind of a bully and how you can use it for self-preservation.

Inside the mind of a bully

Again, you are the enemy. Period. Moreover, even as the bully is ritually torturing you, even if you’ve done nothing to deserve it, that bully still see you as the adversary.

Therefore, they think you should just take the abuse. And once you speak out about the bullying, a bully’s enmity will only increase exponentially.

Once bullies get a fix on you, you are all they can focus on because they feel threatened. You see, hate creates this kind of obsession in any bully. And it’s difficult for them to get rid of.

Bullies and abusers only see from their own perspective. Moreover, their perspective has you as an opponent for them to punish. You’re a threat they must contain, even eliminate.

A bully or a group of bullies isn’t concerned with the fact that their anger and hatred are irrational. They don’t think that they’re destroying a fellow human being much like themselves. Moreover, a bully doesn’t think of you as a human being with thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

You must realize that bullies are oblivious to the fact that the impetus of their violence comes from the primal part of their brains.

Why? Because, only one things matters to a bully. And what matter is that, right or wrong, you are the enemy. In other words, they view you as evil and they want revenge.

Therefore, your bullies have no inhibitions of destroying you because they think they’re the good guys. In that, they think they’re doing the right thing by destroying you.

It’s human nature. Evil enemies must be annihilated.

Inside the Mind of a Bully:

In their minds, you owe them respect

And when you don’t show the bully the respect they feel they’re entitled to, they must punish you. Moreover, if you don’t show it in the way bullies think you should, they also become enraged and seek to destroy you.

The power-dynamic between you and your bully is always zero-sum. They feel you deserve nothing but hostility and abuse. However, in contrast, you owe them respect.

In other words, they believe you should respect them as they abuse you.

From the bully’s perspective, you must atone for their flaws, shortcomings, and evil by lying down and “letting” them abuse you.

Moreover, bullies expect you to take it with a smile and a yes sir or ma’am, even ask for seconds. They also think you should be thankful that they don’t make things worse on you.

This is the mentality of bullies.

The Possibility of you standing up to them threatens them.

Why? Because, if you stand up to your bullies, there’s a risk that everyone who sees you will question their power! With bullies, it’s not about right or wrong. It’s about hierarchy.

“We’re in charge here! You’re not and you should shut your mouth and do what we want!”

In other words, you’re lower on the social hierarchy. Therefore, if you grow balls and challenge them by fighting back, you’ll likely humiliate them in front of everyone and make them look like punks!

You bullies can’t have that. Therefore, the constant torment they inflict on you isn’t only punishment. It’s the constant reinforcement of power. In other words, it’s to keep you from even thinking about defending yourself.

When you do clap back at your bullies, they’ll do one of either two things.

They’ll get the message that you’re no longer a victim, leave you alone, and go find another victim. Or, they’ll only double down on their abuse. Many bullies only intensify the abuse until they wear themselves out and decide you aren’t worth the trouble.

Or, they may wear you down. If they wear you down, the bullying will only get worse.

Therefore, you must continue standing your ground.

Inside the mind of a bully:

Most bullies are relentless.

Once you begin standing up to a bully or group of bullies, you must be consistent with it. Why? Because most bullies are relentless. In other words, you cannot stand up to them only one time and expect them to leave you alone.

Taking a stand only one time doesn’t win their respect. In many cases, it makes your bully angrier and the bullying gets worse before it gets better.

Again, it’s not about right or wrong. And it isn’t about fairness. Bullies view fairness as sappy fairy tales for babies. It’s about hierarchy and, by standing up to them, you just disrupted the social order.

Therefore, the bullies must intensify the bullying. They must teach you a lesson. Moreover, they must fight even harder to subdue you to keep their place in the social hierarchy.

‘You see? In their minds, you’ve forgotten who you are. You’ve gotten too big for your britches and too smart for your own good. Moreover, you’ve forgotten your place and you don’t know when to leave well enough alone.

However, what this really translates too is that you’ve become a threat to your bullies’ positions on the social totem pole. Therefore, they must contain the threat – you!

This is not only to teach you a lesson. It’s also to make an example out of you. In other words, it’s to let everyone else in the environment know that if they try anything like you did, or if they help you in any way, they’ll be next.

Realize that bullies have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. Therefore, standing up to them one time won’t work. Your bullies will only bully you harder, at first, to get you to submit.

Do bullies know they’re Bullies?

In most cases, YES!

Moreover, they’re damn proud of it. Why? Because, unfortunately, most people believe it’s cool to be cruel. You must accept this fact because, it’s just the truth of the messed-up world we live in.

The sad part is that the higher someone climbs, the more you see of their ass. In other words, the higher up the social hierarchy most people rise, the more brutal they are.

Why? Because the popularity and social capital serve to insulate them from accountability. Moreover, it gives them other perks like power, prestige, and influence. Therefore, they also have plenty of other powerful connections. This gives them liberties and favor that no one has access to.

Power like that is just too delicious to give up. Moreover, outside of their positions in the social arena, your bullies have nothing!

Therefore, they grow more arrogant and brazen with their bullying and abuse. However, if they ever lose face and fall to the bottom of the social hierarchy, the landing will be exponentially more brutal.

Why? Because of how they treated others when they were on top. Bullies know that if that ever happens, the humiliation will be unbearable and others will likely eat them alive!

In other words, the bullies will become targets themselves and oooh, the shame! Therefore, your bullies become desperate and will fight even harder to keep their social status!

Again, this is not the time to back down! Keep standing your ground!

Inside the mind of a Bully:

What to expect

Here’s what you can expect your bullies to try after you defend yourself and defeat them for the first time.

1. They’ll threaten the other people in the environment.

In other words, your bullies will let everyone else know that they can expect to be bullied too if they dare get out of their places.

2. Pit your friends against you.

If your bully can turn your friends against you, all the better. They may do this by accusing them of being in on your rebellion with you. Moreover they may defame each of your friends and try to turn others against them as well.

Understand that this is how your bullies use peer pressure to get your friends to turn on you. And once they do, your friends might blame you for dragging them into you and causing them to become targets.

Also, your bullies will try to make it impossible for you to make new friends.

However, understand that bullies do this strictly to isolate you and cut you off from any support. Therefore, keep standing up for yourself no matter what. And cut off any friends who turn on you because they were never your friends to begin with.

Do you really want a bunch of cowards as friends? I sure wouldn’t!

3. Inside the Mind of a Bully:

Send henchmen to physically harm you.

If they aren’t physical bullies, or, if they are and you beat the crap out of them in self-defense, your bullies will likely send others to do their violence for them. Moreover, most seasoned bullies are too smart to do something so obvious.

They’d rather not get their hands dirty. Therefore, instead of getting blood on their hands, they send a lackey after you. In fact, when the henchman catches up with you, your bullies won’t even be there.

Instead, they offer the roughneck the right incentives and send him. However, this happens only in extreme cases.

Even then, you must continue to stand up for yourself. But in cases like this, it’s better to get the police involved. But if you have to fight, do it like your life depends on it. Don’t back down.

Remember, you should never back down because, once you do, the bullying will only continue to escalate.

when and where does it stop?

It doesn’t. Bullying only gets worse until somebody dies or leaves the environment.

Therefore, if you’re a target of a bully, understand this. It doesn’t matter what the bully thinks. Neither the bully nor anyone else has a right to violate your boundaries, physical nor psychological.

I want you to know that you have a right to learn, work, or live in a safe environment. Moreover, you have a right to be in a nourishing environment that allows you to flourish. And you owe respect to no one who hasn’t earned it.

Bullies or anyone else who deliberately sets out to hurt you does not deserve anything from you. Understand that you must value yourself enough to put yourself first.

If someone is abusing you, you have every right to take care of yourself. You have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to walk away from the person.

If you can’t walk away- if the bully won’t let you walk away, then you have a right to defend yourself. Realize that you are valuable, and you matter just as much as the next person.

And everyone has flaws, not only you. If anyone bullies you, then they have no business coming anywhere near you. Always remember that.

This post was all about what’s inside the mind of a bully so that you can know what to expect and use it to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You 

2. The 4 Stages of Bullying

3. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

4. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

‘Want to know how to spot gaslighting at work, especially if it happens to you? Here are the classic indicators of workplace gaslighting so that you can know when it’s time to to update your resume and plan your escape before your job and entire career take a huge hit.

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at work is no joke. If you’ve been on the receiving end of it like I have, you’re wondering how you spot it and know when it’s time to carefully plan your resignation and transition to a new job with a better company.

You will learn about all the signs of gaslighting at work so that you can better protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these surefire indicators, you will be better equipped to make the decision whether to dust off your resume and get out of that toxic work environment.

This post is all about gaslighting at work. This post will give you the symptoms that every job applicant and employee with any integrity should know about

Gaslighting at work: Signs to watch for

Gaslighting is gaslighting regardless of where it happens. It is a type of manipulation to make its target doubt their own sanity or feel/seem crazy.

Although it happens at home and at school, it can also happen in the workplace.  As with all gaslighters, workplace bullies gaslight their victims to avoid accountability for their own behavior. So, what are the signs?

1. The person doing the gaslighting is usually someone higher up.

When gaslighting happens at work, the people doing it are usually supervisors or those in management who use it to abuse the employees under them. In many cases, these unscrupulous authority members use charm and deceit to do their gaslighting. Therefore, it can be hard to spot it while it’s happening.

Supervisors and managers will often use their position of power and authority as leverage. This serves to discourage the employees who work under them from challenging them or reporting their abuse.

Also, the gaslighted employee is more than likely suffering workplace bullying and mobbing. Workplace bullying can add so much stress on an employee that they may be unable to think straight. And, when you cannot think straight, it’s even harder to identify gaslighting in real time.

People in authority are more inclined to gaslight in the workplace simply because of their authority.  Why? Because they know that the word of a bottom of the hierarchy employee doesn’t carry much weight in the workplace.

Also, bottom employees face bigger threats of job loss and career ruination than those in positions of power.

In most cases of Gaslighting at work, IT’s not about right and wrong. It’s about Hierarchy.

Understand that in any case of workplace bullying, mobbing, or gaslighting, it’s not about right and wrong. It’s about hierarchy. Therefore, the unspoken message is this.

“We’re in charge, you’re not, so, we can beat our chests and get away with it. And your best bet is to shut up and take the abuse or quit and go somewhere else. Good luck with that, by the way! You still have to list us as a work reference. So, not only can we fire your butt, we can also block you from getting future employment anywhere else.”

Sadly, there are some truly psychotic managers out there and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

However, it is still possible to spot gaslighting if you remain calm and know what to look for. If you are being gaslighted by a boss, your best recourse will most likely to first, gather your evidence.

Next, you quietly secure another job with a different company and put in your two-week or thirty day notice of resignation. Finally, once you leave, you’re free to sue the pants off the company. That is, IF, you have sufficient evidence to do so.

2. the gaslighter in charge is vague in their instructions.

Bullies use vagueness as a weapon. Bully bosses are always vague in their instructions. Understand that they do this deliberately. It’s a slick way for them to withhold information that’s vital to an employee’s job performance.

Moreover, workplace bullies do this in order to make the employees they despise look incompetent. Remember this. If you ever find yourself on the wrong side of a bully boss, you can be sure that they will be looking for any excuse to fire you.

Therefore, look for them to be as vague as possible when they give you instructions on how to perform your job. In other words, they will intentionally leave out important details. Later, they will admonish you harshly, in front of an audience, to humiliate you and make you look like a moron. This is just another form of gaslighting at work.

When this happens to you, I would highly suggest that you get out your resume and look for employment somewhere else. You want to do this before things get worse. And believe me, they are about to get worse, much worse.

Therefore, it’s better to go ahead and head it off now before it escalates into something that could destroy your career.

3. gaslighting in the workplace also includes a disregard of company policy.

For instance, if an employee the bully boss doesn’t like gets hurt on the job and files a report. The supervisor will accidentally-on-purpose forget to send it through the proper channels.

Then, he will accuse the injured employee of failing to report an on-the-job accident. Therefore, this provides the evil boss just another excuse to get rid of the employee.

And who’s the upper management going to believe? The employee or the supervisor? I think you already know the answer to that question.

This is why you should always make copies of the accident report if you ever get injured on the job. You will save yourself a truckload of trouble.

Again, gather your own evidence and plenty of it. Then, when another job opportunity comes open, get the hell out of there. Once you leave that hell-hole and you’re clear of any of the bullies, then haul them into court if you have satisfactory evidence to do it.

4. moving the goalposts is another form of gaslighting at work.

Understand that if you’re on the wrong side of a workplace bully in a position of power and you are lucky enough to reach a company goal, your bully boss will move the goalposts. They do this on purpose to make you look slow.

Though you may exceed goals time and time again, realize that your bully boss may view your successes as threats to his job. Therefore, he/she will cheat by raising the standards so high that it will be impossible for you (or anyone else) to reach.

Therefore, this will give them plenty of fodder to exercise their authority by chewing you and everyone else out for “failing to meet the company quota.”

Don’t even try to meet those impossible goals. You’ll only wear yourself out eventually. Besides, how many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you going to make before you become exhausted?

How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards will never yield desired results?

You’ll only end up disappointed because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully in the workplace, or anywhere for that matter.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. Realize that these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

Again, the best you can do is look for other employment. Then, once you have another gig lined up, blow on out the door and bid these tyrants good riddance. No job is worth your mental or physical health.

5. gaslighting at work is also done by co-workers.

Even co-workers may gaslight you in hopes of securing that coveted promotion. In other words, they kick you and others down to move up in the company.

Other forms of gaslighting by co-workers is when they take credit for your work. And when you speak out against it, they make it look as if you’re trying to take credit for theirs. In essence, they reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Consequently, this tactic is so easy it shouldn’t work. But, it does.

Other forms of gaslighting at work by co-workers include them making up negative stories about you.

Also, they will deliberately sow discord between you and other co-workers. In other words, they will cause unnecessary conflict between you and your colleagues to make you look as if you’re a troublemaker who just isn’t a team player.

Lastly, bullying co-workers will also intimidate your colleagues and threaten them with retaliation if they continue to associate with you.

In conclusion, you must remember this very important tidbit here:

Most cases of workplace bullying, mobbing, and gaslighting by co-workers have somebody high-up behind the scenes, directing the entire movie. Put another way, your co-workers are likely gaslighting and bullying you at the behest of a bully supervisor or manager.

And they do this because the person in power has given them incentives to do so. They’ve offered them promotions or maybe even huge bonuses to bully you out of your job.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you begin an exit plan the moment you find yourself in these kinds of situations. The sooner you quit and move on to greener pastures, the better off you’ll be.

This post was all about gaslighting at work to help you decide when it’s time to prepare your exodus, cut your losses and move on to a better job and work environment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 2)

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

(Continued from Part 1…)

In the last post, I talked about how everything started out great and that I was well-liked by almost everyone. I also mentioned the incident when I responded in kind after Candi, a CNA, caught a bad attitude. Needless to say, I found out that, right or wrong, talking down to her was a no-no because she had connections.

And over several months, one by one, many people turned against me. Luckily, several of my real friends knew how Candi was and had no respect for her. They were the people who had my back, so I can say that I did have allies who took care of me.

However, there was a clear division at Shady Grove Living Center. There was the administrator, who I’ll call *Beau, *Cammie, the payroll clerk, the department heads,*Harry (who was Cammie’s husband), one maintenance guy, whose name was *Jules, and two CNAs, *Shelly was one and *Cheryl who were two flying monkeys. On our side were my supervisor Darnell, all of my coworkers (except for one suck up), a charge nurse, and the rest of the CNAs who had my back.

At first, the bullies made false reports about me to Darnell. On the days after my shift (I worked part-time in the evening), the third shift CNAs would complain that I hadn’t stocked the linen closets on each of the halls and that they had no clean bed pads, bedsheets, nor gowns for the residents who soiled their beds during the night.

But because I always thought ahead and could easily predict what these people would do, I had made sure to pull out my cellphone and take pictures of all my finished work at the end of my shift.

Once I was done stocking the linen closets, I took photos of all the  shelves inside, chock full of freshly clean linens. I then took pictures inside all the empty barrels that were marked “dirty laundry,” before clocking out and going home. And, with the time-stamps on each image, there was no question I’d done my job.

I took pictures every night, at the end of the shift. And I had proof to show Darnell every time they lied.

When that didn’t work, the bullies only turned up the harassment, as word quickly spread throughout the nursing home that I’d taken pictures of all finished work.

In a way, it was funny because each of the linen closets was directly across from a nurse’s desk, where the bullies would sit around and gossip. And I remember overhearing them make snide remarks about my camera and my taking pictures, to which I’d only snicker and chuckle to myself.

Harry, the head of maintenance, would talk pretty ugly to me, but I knew I wasn’t the only one because many times, I’d see him talk terrible to several others- even a few who worked for the nursing home. So, I didn’t feel like the Lone Ranger.

And because I’d already been a target of bullying in school, I knew what to expect as all bullies pull pretty much the same tactics, only adult bullies are much more sophisticated with it. Therefore, I was able to prepare, stay a few steps ahead, and outflank them.

During this time, I began to witness a couple of the bullies in this workplace clique commit a few illegal activities. On one instance, I worked a double shift to cover for a coworker who was sick.

Early one Saturday morning, I saw with my own eyes Harry walk into the back door of the nursing home, dressed in camouflage and his bright orange hunting vest. He crept down the hall past the laundry room, then stopped at the time clock and clocked in. Harry then filled out a bogus work order, then left.

He didn’t return until late that evening to clock out and leave again. I’ll never forget the look on his mug when he saw me sitting outside on my last break as he drove by in his shiny new pickup. And when I told a trusted friend at work a day or two later about what I’d seen, she wasn’t at all surprised.

“Girl! He’s been clocking out and going home on the weekends since I’ve been here! And I’ll tell you something else,” *Brenda told me, “Cammie’s been embezzling from this facility, and she’s been ripping off some of the residents who don’t have families- weaseling them into signing papers to leave their assets to her when they leave this world!”

I felt my eyes pop out of my head as Brenda gave me an ear full!

(Continued in Part 3…)

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 1)

Before I go into the story, I want to tell you that very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a target of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in the toxic and poisonous environment, I’m about to tell you of, I saw so many people who fell victim.

Droves of innocent workers ended up losing their jobs and some, their careers because of the evil actions of a clique of psychopaths who were handed power they had no business having.

These employees were the best and the kindest people, and my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.

In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with *Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best. Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. Still, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!

Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home, only for a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they loved to think they did.

I was already well aware that the site was very toxic, but I always stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.

I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies and went on with my business. Another beauty was that there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area, so we didn’t have to work with them nor be around them much at all.

The only time I saw any of them was toward the end of the shift when I’d roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.

Therefore, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and was seemingly well-liked. That is until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a smart alick.

This CNA, whom we’ll call, *Candi, had it in her mind that those who worked in the laundry department, were beneath her and expected them to carry hers and everyone else’s water. Although the CNAs didn’t make any more than we did, Candi and a few others had no regard for us. They didn’t see us as human beings because we worked in sanitation.

After I schooled her, Candi felt anger and indignation. So, she stormed away and cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique. She couldn’t stand that I’d smart-mouthed her, and “how dare” I talk to her like that. Oh! “The nerve of” me!

And she took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset. And I knew why she was so peeved. She was the type who couldn’t handle being told a thing or two by someone she deemed inferior.

It’s hilarious when I think of it! But that’s when the bullying began.

(More in Part 2…)

* Not the real name of the person or entity.

5 Ways Bullies Set You Up to Fail

If you are a target of bullying, you must understand that your bullies will have slick ways of setting you up for failure. You must also learn to recognize these tactics, so you’ll be able to protect yourself.

Here are these tactics:

1. They distract you from your work. Workplace bullies deliberately distract their targets from their projects with constant interruptions, which are very time-consuming. Bullies know that if they can stall their targets, they’ll cause them to miss deadlines.

 If you have a coworker who’s constantly distracting you, politely tell the person you’re busy and will be with them when you’re able or lock the door to your office if you have one. This may or may not go over so well, but you’re still asserting yourself and that’s important too.

2. Withholding information. Bullies deliberately prevent targets from having the information needed to do their jobs. If you are a victim, they will cause you to miss important meetings and deadlines, which can put your job and career in jeopardy.

If you find that you’re not getting the proper information to do your job, find other and creative ways to get your needed info. Keep your ears peeled in case someone has a big mouth.

3. Overloading you with work. Bully bosses will either overwhelm their targets with extra work or assign tasks that are impossible to fulfill or complete on time. They may even make them work extra long hours to stress them out and keep them from getting adequate sleep. Bullies know that a person can’t do their jobs as effectively if they’re sleep-deprived.

 If this starts happening, it might be wise to quietly begin looking for another job. Tell no one of your plans to leave and for Heaven’s sake don’t tell them where you’re going! The last thing you need is for someone to make a quick phone call and cause your future employer a change of heart.

4. Misleading You. Bullies will sometimes give targets wrong times and dates for deadlines or meetings. This is done not only to sabotage you but to humiliate you and make you look incompetent.

Again, find other ways of finding these things out. Never trust your boss if he’s bullying you and never trust your coworkers either.

5. Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments. Bully bosses will often take targets off their regular work assignments and give them degrading or subservient jobs, such as cleaning the office bathrooms, making lunch and coffee runs for everyone else, serving coffee to the rest of the team, or emptying all the trash.

Again, this is when it might be time to begin looking for new employment. But do it in secret!

With knowledge comes empowerment!