Tag: victim-mentality

How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

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Do you want to know how to overcome victim mentality? Are you sick of feeling like a victim all the time? Here are the time-tested and proven techniques you can use to shed victim-think and feel much better about yourself.

how to overcome victim mentality

Victim mentality doesn’t serve you. It only drags you down and keeps you there. In fact, victim mentality has a negative effect on all aspects of your life, from relationships and friendships, to business and employment prospects, to finances.

Therefore, as someone who’s been there, I’m giving you all the mind hacks that I and many others swear by.

You will learn all the details on how to overcome victim mentality. These easy mind hacks will boost your confidence and repair your self-esteem quicker than you think.

After you learn all these mental methods, you will be more confident than you ever thought possible. Also, you will be happier, relaxed, and more at peace with yourself.

This post is all about how to overcome victim mentality and will give you all the simple mind hacks that every target of bullying needs to know about.

How to overcome victim mentality

First, let’s discuss why victim-think is so bad for your life.

Now, it’s okay to be angry and to take time out to feel those emotions when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to need time to heal. And I respect that.

However, don’t set up shop and live in that yucky place for long. Because, if you stay there, it will ruin your life.

Understand that holding hate and trying to seek revenge over something that some creep did to you in the past is counterproductive. Moreover, it comes from a victim mentality. It also comes from feeling that the transgressor owes you some form of satisfaction, restitution, or atonement.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. This kind of attitude only makes you miserable.

I want you to realize that a victim mentality is never good because it keeps you trapped in an abyss of anger and hatred. Moreover, spending too much time in this state only leads to depression and poor mental health.

You feel like the world owes you. However, what you don’t realize is that even if the world did give you what you feel you’re owed, you’d still never be happy and you’d only want more, more, and more.

This is why it’s crucial that you know how to overcome victim mentality.

Take it from someone who’s been there. Holding onto resentment and hatred is no way to live. It’s a dark and ugly place to be.

Therefore, I can’t stress how important it is for you to rid yourself of victim-think. It’s the only way you’ll ever reach that beautiful place of self-acceptance and ultimately, peace and happiness. And once you do, it will be such sweet freedom!

You can do this! I’ve got faith in you!

Before we get into the mind hacks, let’s now discuss the benefits you’ll get once you put these mind hacks to practice. Now, one thing you must know is that you can’t one practice them one time and expect to reap the advantages I’m about to spill here.

Once you know these mental training exercises, you must get into the habit of practicing them every day. Then, slowly but surely, you will notice the benefits, and, here they are!

Benefit 1

You’ll no longer feel like you’re less than.

In the past, the bullies in your life may have called you the most horrible names in the English language. Yes, they may have pointed fingers of judgement in your direction. Moreover, they have have ridiculed and smeared you.

Even worse, they may have destroyed your reputation. However, you won’t stay a victim forever because their effects on you won’t last if you don’t allow it to.

Therefore, you’ll discover that you have more control over your circumstances than you know. This new epiphany will cause your self-esteem to soar!

You’ll also realize that you already have within you the delicious power to refuse to let their childish behavior define you. And that you’d had it all along.

You’re a survivor. In fact, You’ll soon find out that you’re more than that!

 You’ll be a winner! Because your bullies and abusers will no longer have the power to make you feel that you’re less than human. No one will have that power but you.

You’ll no longer be a victim because you won’t allow other people’s perceptions of you to determine how you feel about yourself nor define you as a person.

Instead, you’ll know who you are and feel good about it.

You’ll be glad you learned how to overcome victim mentality!

Your bullies and abusers may have taken your confidence away and at times, maybe your physical well-being. But they could never take away your soul! They couldn’t take your integrity, individuality, nor your freedom of thought.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t still be standing.

They couldn’t take any of the things that mattered!

How to overcome victim Mentality: Benefit 2

Another reason you won’t feel like a victim anymore is because you will no longer feel any hate nor any desire to take revenge. Therefore, your energy will better spent on your family, doing what you love to do, and working on yourself.

You’ll be too busy doing you and yours.

Moreover, you’ll look back and be so glad you finally got tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled. You’re eyes will be opened, and you’ll change your way of thinking.

By now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, okay! Just get to the mind hacks already!”

Here’s how to overcome victim mentality. Finally! The Mind Hacks!

1. refuse to allow bullies from the past to take up space in Your mind

In other words, stop letting them live rent-free in your head. Don’t waste another drop of precious energy on people who were never worth it in the first place.

Know that when you hold grudges, you waste your time thinking about people who probably don’t give you so much as a thought. Why? Because you’re not important to them. Yet you make them important by having them in your head.

You give them power over the way you feel and over your life. Realize that life is too short and you only have one to live. Therefore, stop wasting your time on people who aren’t worth a puddle of pee.

Take your power back and use it to better your own life.

2. How to overcome victim mentality: accept yourself, flaws, quirks, and all.

Put simpler, decide once and for all that you’re okay just the way God made you. Realize that you need no one else’s approval, least of all, theirs!

Why should you care about winning acceptance from anyone else? Decide today that you’re just as important without anyone else’s say so. Who is anyone to decide your worth? Only you can do that. This is how you raise your self-esteem.

3. Make it your mission to love and take care of yourself and the people who truly matter in your life.

And that includes weeding out toxic people who are only there to use you and to see you fail- those who don’t belong in your life.

Also, know that you’re the only one who’s responsible for your life and the outcomes of your situations. No one else is accountable for these things.

4. How to overcome victim mentality: You do it by focusing on things that are important

 Therefore, focus on God, family, your closest friends. Moreover, keep your mind on being the best version of you that you can possibly be. Also, focus on your goals and dreams. Keep your mind on any projects you may be working on or anything you love to do.

In other words, focus on your hobbies and anything that you enjoy doing. Spend time with those who love you most and vise versa. Keep company with those who celebrate you and lift you up while avoiding the creeps who bring you down.

Practice self-care and create as many good memories in your life as you possibly can.

5. Lastly and most importantly, Forgive.

I can just hear some of you now. “Oh, she must be out of her rabid-ass mind!” “She must be stark-raving mad! “No way! They don’t deserve my forgiveness after the hell they put me through!”

And maybe they don’t. But you deserve it.

In other words, you deserve to be able to let go of the pain. You also deserve the freedom and peace that comes after you forgive those who’ve hurt you. Also, you deserve the blessings and good things that follow.

Trust me when I say that forgiveness changes your life for the better. You will see a dramatic improvement in your health, mental and physical.

Moreover, you will also see a significant change in your circumstances. You’d be surprised at the awesome blessings that come your way once you decide to forgive and move on. You will even have success in the things you set out to do and achieve more than you ever thought you would!

Most importantly, you will rise above anything your enemies tried to do to bring you down. And you will frustrate them because they couldn’t keep you down! Yes, that hurts them more than any revenge you could ever take.

It happened for me and it’ll happen for you too. I guarantee it.

This post was all about how to overcome victim mentality so that you can take back your peace and happiness.

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

Let’s Face It. Life Isn’t Fair (Part 2)

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Continued from part 1…

Let’s face it. Life isn’t fair.

Moreover, when you whine and complain, you only focus on the problem and not a possible solution. This is why others don’t like, nor do they respect a complainer. If you need to get something off your chest, fine, but still, there is a time and place for it.

Throughout my life, I’ve known such chronic complainers, that complaining seemed to be the default mode for them. They even whined after they found a solution to their problem. “But it didn’t happen fast enough!” they might have said. To that, I wanted to say, “Hey, buddy! Nothing good comes quickly nor easily! Life’s tough! Get used to it!”

I’ve even known whiners who really didn’t want a solution to their problems. They just wanted to gripe, thinking it would get rid of all that pinned-up energy and make them feel better. Sadly, I was guilty of these things when I was young.

whining and complaining always comes from powerlessness!

But understand that complaining comes from weakness. It stems from feelings of powerlessness and a victim-mentality. People who do this are only taking out all their anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing every once in a while. Even the most resilient vent every now and then. Everyone has times when they must blow off a little steam. However, when you do it every time something doesn’t go your way, or worse, you complain constantly, it becomes a problem.

The people around you will get sick of listening to it and after a while they will lose respect for you. Complaining also invites bullying to come your way because bullies will use it as a weapon against you. If you are a target of bullying, I want you to realize that whining about it, rather than taking action against it, will make you an even bigger target!

being a chronic complainer also stems from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.

Hey! I understand how you feel. You have every right to be angry. Being bullied sucks and it hurts. I get that. However, as I said earlier, complaining comes from powerlessness and weakness. Moreover, it comes from laziness and lack of personal responsibility. Complaining alone does nothing to solve the problem. You must also take action.

On the other hand, if you hear someone else constantly complaining and you’re an empath, it might be tempting to lend the person your ear. This is a bad idea because you’re not helping the person. You’re only enabling them to complain more and you’re setting yourself up to be their go-to person anytime they need to unload. As a result, the person won’t feel better. They’ll only drain your energy.

IF you’re a target of bullying, complaining without doing something about it will only alienate people who might otherwise help you.

Only victims complain, targets take action. You score more points by doing something about the bullying then you ever will by whining and complaining about it. When you’re a target of bullying and not a victim of it, you understand that life doesn’t have to be fair and that it isn’t. Also, you take action by standing up for yourself and/or reporting it. In that, you empower yourself and stand tall and strong.  If you have a problem, find solutions.

Instead of consistently whining and complaining, begin taking action. Empower yourself. Be your own hero!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Let’s face it. Life Isn’t Fair.

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It’s the truth. It never has been and never will be. Whether you’ve been mistreated and cheated, no one owes you anything. But you do owe it to yourself. And you have every right to pursue and achieve happiness and make a good life for yourself.

Let me repeat.

No one owes you anything. You owe it to yourself.

God deals each of us a hand of cards. Some people get a crappy hand and some, a lucky hand. However, the trick is to play the hand you’re dealt and to play it wisely. Some people are born poor, some middle-class, and others are born rich. Some are born with disabilities and others aren’t. One person may have access to certain things and another person may not.

It’s the luck of the draw. Nevertheless, you have the choice of whether to move up, stay where you are, or descend. In other words, if you don’t like where you are, you have the ability to move upward. It may take a while. A ton of hard work may be required. But if you want it bad enough, you will do what you must do to achieve it. Complaining only keeps you stuck!

Only you are responsible for your life

Understand that nobody can achieve anything for you. It’s your responsibility to get where you want to go. Each of us has our own lives to improve and each person is responsible for their own destiny. Governments may try, but they can never legislate blessings, luck, and chance. And they cannot legislate fairness.

You only have yourself to depend on and you should never depend on the government, your school, your parents, anyone else to improve your life. You must do it on your own by taking risks and doing the work required to reach your goals. On the other hand, anger and bitterness only get you nowhere and so do whining and complaining.

Today, I hear more and more whining, “it’s not fair.” I see them act out and throw tantrums, as if its going to get them somewhere. Understand that this is victim-mentality and those kinds of thought processes only serve to keep you down and out.

empower yourself by ditching the word, “fair”

People need to man-up (or woman-up) and accept that the world isn’t all unicorns, rainbows, fairies, and pixie dust. In short, the world isn’t fair. Sadly, I see many targets of bullying do this, and, though I hate to admit it, I did the same once upon a time.

So, take back your happiness by banishing the word, “fair” from your vocabulary and working toward your goals. Stop depending on other people and entities to get you what you want and I guarantee that you’ll instantly be empowered and much happier.

(I’m explain more in Part 2)

You’re a Target but Not a Victim!

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During the last year, an epiphany has occurred to me and I’ve begun to stray away from the word “victim.” More and more, I have replaced that word with the word, “target.” I’ve come to realize that, yes, I was a target but, was I ever a victim?

I want to tell you that if you’re being bullied, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? And could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat? Because your voice and your very being are powerful?  So powerful, it scares them to death?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power- in other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not a victim but a target, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Do you want that?

If you survived bullying, you’re no longer a target. And it could be that you never really were a victim. But you are a victor! That’s right! You’re a winner because you’re an overcomer!

Victim mentality is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you down, keeps you defeated, keeps you oppressed, and keeps you a “victim.” This kind of thinking also keeps you dependent. It breeds laziness and the attitude that the world owes you something. Or it leads to resignation, hopelessness, and the attitude of defeat. It’s the root of a condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Do you know what’s worse? It also has the undertones that you’re somehow inferior. You’re not!  When you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality and make your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes, all of which require that you take risks and risk the possibility of failure.  And yes! It’s scary!

You must create your own happiness and whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

Again, the victim mentality requires that, subconsciously, you feel inferior and I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person, entity, or higher power and that’s wrong!

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

I’m not a victim. Yes, when I was young and being bullied, I felt like a victim and thought I was. But was I really? Although the memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying), was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours. I realize that being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to change your thought patterns because that’s what they want and you deserve better- much better!

I was fortunate that my eyes were opened and that I managed to shed negative thinking and adopt a winning attitude. But many victims stay stuck in a self-defeating mindset, continue to have the worst luck, and lose all hope.

In closing, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope. Hold on to it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Dangers of Copping Out Behind Victimization

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Too many survivors use victimization as justification for wrongdoing. They feel that because they suffered, life owes them somehow. I have seen people mistreat others merely because of the bullying they suffered in the past and think that it’s the only way they can feel empowered again. Sadly, I was guilty of the same thing in high school. It isn’t something I’m proud of today.

Example: Some people may choose to rob a bank or burn down a corporate building because they grew up poor and felt like they didn’t get a fair shake in life. Again, they feel like the world owes them and that there’s justification for striking back against a system they believe screwed them over.

When the law finally catches up with them and hauls them off to jail, they become even more embittered because the perpetrators feel that being held responsible for what they did only further evidences that they aren’t getting a fair shake.

These criminals fail to realize that we’re all still responsible for our actions regardless of what happened to us in the past. Evil behavior always brings consequences. You reap what you sow.

Past victimization does not justify wrongdoing. Ever! A reason does not equal an excuse. We’re all responsible for our lives, whether or not we admit it.

I could have gone on bullying others because people bullied me in the past. But where would it have gotten me? Nowhere! That behavior would have only brought consequences and more misery.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn from adversity and take accountability for your life? To try and make your life better than it was in the past? Of course, it would.

I promise you. You will be so much better off.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Living in The Past Is a Hallmark of Victim-Mentality

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A while back, a fellow blogger inspired this post with a comment, and she was spot on with it. For the life of me, I cannot remember who the blogger was, but I’d like to thank her in advance.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying still render themselves, victims by living in the past. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wondering if they could have done anything differently and wishing they had.

They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret. Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand because I did it too. However, when this goes on for years and years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Many survivors trap themselves in an endless cycle of what-ifs. They keep themselves stuck and forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from their experiences. Some seek revenge. Others only bury it, live in denial, and try to rewrite history.

Understand that this is a waste of your time.

On the other hand, some survivors become conquerors. They acknowledge that, yes, the bullying happened, and, yes, it was painful, then aspire to learn and grow from it.

I realize that, once you’re out of an extremely toxic environment, there will be a period of grief. Again, completely understandable. It’s okay to mourn the loss of time bullying caused. It’s okay, even recommended, to feel angry and hurt for a while. In no way should you ever trivialize this period of mourning because it’s real, and it happens to survivors when they’re fresh out of an abusive situation.

And different people have different periods of grief.

My crying stage lasted a month; yours may be a lot longer or shorter. It depends on the person. Some may choose to get therapy, and others won’t. But there comes the point when you must move on and not allow it to take over your life. Don’t let your bullies live in your mind rent-free for too many years. They’ve already taken away enough of your life. Don’t you think?

You owe it to yourself to heal and begin to accept what happened, then learn and grow from it. Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Characteristics of The Crybully

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Earlier, I published a post entitled, “What is a Crybully and Who is One?”  This post is more in-depth, and describes the characteristics of this type of bully. Here they are:

1. The crybully doesn’t mind provoking the target over and over, but when the victim finally gets fed up and shows their ugly side, the crybully is not only surprised but offended. Understand that the crybully feels entitled to do whatever she wants to do and that no one has the right to stop her- or even say anything against it. The crybully thinks that she is beyond reproach and that she isn’t to be questioned by anyone.

Crybullies feel that the world owes them and that they have the right to mistreat their targets. Even more astonishing is that crybullies think that their victims are just supposed to bow down to them and take the abuse- to let them harm them and take it with a smile and a yes sir/ma’am. Why? Because:

“I’m always right, and you’re always wrong.”

“I’m better than you.”

“I’m superior, and you’re inferior. And how dare you stand up to me. You have no rights as far as I’m concerned.” 

Note the quotations above and understand that, though they may never come out and say it, this is how crybullies think.

2. A crybully will gripe, whine, and complain when something they don’t like happens. Like when you call the crybully out on his BS, report or speak out about his bullying, or do anything to cause him to be held accountable for his despicable behavior? The crybully will bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler if they have to face responsibility for anything. They’ll  throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all. He may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself.

Understand that crybullies must always get their way and think they can do no wrong. Many times, they will get furious with and throw a fit with the target. If the crybully is female, she may dissolve into a puddle of tears and tell not only authority but anyone who’ll listen that the target is the bully.

3. Crybullies will shout you down if you don’t agree with them or you call them out on their bad behavior. They think their words, actions, and beliefs are golden. If you happen to speak against their deplorable behavior or hold a different view, crybullies will instantly turn into petulant children, call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you.

4. A crybully wants everything handed to them and doesn’t like to put in the effort to earn it. Crybullies are entitled to have whatever they want when and how they want it. They don’t like to work for anything, and neither do they like to wait for it.

They’re like spoiled children. If they don’t get what they want, they will never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them. Crybullies do this to wear you down. However, you must only double down and resist, no matter what. So, stand firm- if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

5. Crybullies hate the thought of anyone else having a life better than they do. When a crybully sees someone else doing better than them at anything, it makes them feel indignant, and that life hasn’t given them a fair shake. They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. The crybully will also try to get back at the person for being just a little luckier than him/her.

6. They Have a victim mentality. This point takes me back to how the crybully tries to make the victim look like the bully. In some cases, the crybully deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, the crybully is very successful in making others believe her drivel.

Think Nellie Olson in “Little House on the Prairie.”

There you have it, folks. If you see any of the above characteristics, you might have a crybully on your hands. The best way to battle this type of bullying is to name it and shame it. Putting a name on these things makes them so much easier to deal with and overcome.

The more you know.