Tag: unnecessary fear

2 Ways You Benefit When You Stop Worrying About What Others Think

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I urge targets of bullying to get comfortable with themselves, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about what others think of them.

When you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Believe it or not, there are huge benefits to not giving a crap.

And here they are:

1. You save your energy for better and more important things. Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. You send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Indifferent.

Never, ever feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. And save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends. They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back. When you stop caring, what people think, you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently. You stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws. You take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

You start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Collective Guilt Fallacy

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Man scolding himself in a mirror, his reflection feeling guilty

Today, more than ever, we are seeing the age-old bullying tactic, called the Collective Guilt Fallacy, being played out all over the world. The global powers that be are targeting certain groups of people and trying their darnedest to make them believe that they should feel guilty for things that they had nothing to do with- that they should somehow take responsibility and atone for evils that were committed before they were even born. Also, these people demand that the entire group be punished for the sins of a few bad apples who so happen to share the same skin color.

This is wrong, and, at the same time, it’s racism, no matter how you slice it. It is also bullying and promotes such of innocent people who may share the same physical characteristic.

I want you to realize that if you share any physical characteristic as a few monsters who commit evil acts against innocent people. It does not mean that you are responsible for their atrocious behavior. Understand that it’s the individual who is responsible for their sins, not the entire group.

Here’s why:

1.You, as an individual and separate person, have no control over the behavior of another individual person. The only person you have, have ever had, and will ever have control over is yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Each individual human being on Earth (past, present, and future) has their own mind and their own choices to make. You can never choose for them. Therefore, trying to control another person is like trying to control the weather- telling another person not to commit a horrific act is like telling the sun not to rise- it’s impossible!

 Therefore, it is a complete waste of your time to feel guilty over things you have absolutely no control over and the people who tell you that you should feel guilty obviously have no clue about humanness.

Here are a few other reasons why you shouldn’t feel guilty for the sins of others with whom, you may or may not share some sort of physical characteristic:

2. You only cause yourself unnecessary pain. Life already has enough pain in it and you’re not immune to that, so why compound it? You only hold yourself back.

3. Again, you take blame for things that are completely out of your hands. And, trust me, it’s a heavy load and not your burden to carry. The only person responsible for the sins of yesterday and today are the terrible and evil individuals who commit them. If you’ve done nothing wrong, haven’t harmed anyone, and you have the courage to speak out against evil, you’re not accountable for what a few pieces of human filth do. It doesn’t matter which ones, nor how many physical characteristics you may share with them.

4. You allow others to trick you into becoming a victim when you allow them to fool you into thinking you should make up for the sins of a few ignoramuses in your group: And this is utter lunacy. It’s also a sign of self-loathing and toxic shame.

5. In your willingness to pander and virtue signal, you become a scapegoat, a stooge, a pansy! In short, you give away your power. By kneeling and bowing down to people who claim to be “oppressed,” you put yourself in the position of being ridiculed and shamed, for doing just that- bowing down and becoming someone’s scapegoat. Know that you’re better than that!

6. You only show that you just might be trying to hide the same sins of your own: Anyone who feels they must virtue signal is only doing it to either get attention and fame, or they do it because they’re guilty of the same sins they’re being accused of. Ouch! Yes! I said that!

I want you to know that if you know who you are and you know deep in your heart that you aren’t the oppressor or evil person certain activist groups and individuals say you are, you won’t feel any need to prove it. You won’t feel like you must pander or virtue signal. Instead, you’ll refuse to do so because you know without a shadow of a doubt that what they label you isn’t who you are at all.

You will be confident in that. You will feel no guilt because you’ll never define yourself by the labels thrust on your group. And you will be comfortable with yourself and with the decisions you’ve made. Even better, you will be happy and you will let those insidious and false labels bounce off you and walk away.

You will also never let any SJW define you. Because believe it or not, no SJW can ever know your inner reality. And anytime they claim to know it and wrongful judge you, they only play God because they claim to know the unknowable.

Also understand that throwing off false guilt and labels starts at the individual level. Only you, the individual can determine your reality. And only you can choose whether to believe the false labels they thrust on you, or to reject them.

Take comfort is this. Be not afraid. Because in their labeling, they only confess their own bullying, their own bitterness, their own rage, and their own hate.

Unnecessary Fear: 4 Ways Bullies Use It to Control Their Targets

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Fear is the strongest of all emotions. While fear is an excellent asset in a genuinely hazardous situation where there’s the threat of immediate harm, it can be the most dangerous and paralyzing emotion when it unnecessary.

Unnecessary fear is THE number one tool in the bully’s toolbox. Bullies use this fear as a means to manipulate their targets and to control many aspects of their lives.

Realize that the power of fear is the only power bullies hold, and they don’t use it sparingly. Bullies instinctively know that real or perceived fear will shut down a person’s rational and cognitive thinking abilities. As a result, they can manipulate the target into doing what they want by making empty promises of safety and security.

Fear strips away your power. It takes apart the ability to reason, to be proactive, and to make good choices- hence to defend and protect yourself. Bullies have long understood the power of deliberately inducing fear in their victims to control and dominate them.

Understand that a fearful person is easier for bullies to control than a fearless one.

Bullies maintain their oppressive grip on their victims by invoking fear in them, then claim that only they have the power to decide whether the targets can live in peace and be safe from harm. The bullies send the message that if the victim does what they want and says what they want to hear willingly and without getting mouthy and catching a funky attitude, they will leave him alone and permit him to live in peace.

But we all know how this usually ends. Bullies don’t keep promises. They only keep you hanging.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that your bullies greatly benefit from your fear, and they won’t give those benefits up without a fight.

So, how do bullies exploit targets through inducing fear? There are many ways.

1. Rumor spreading and gossip – bullies have a knack for making even the most ridiculous lies sound like the truth and the most insidious abuse respectable, even admired. They slander the target to keep him silent and ensure that he doesn’t speak out about the abuse. If they can turn everyone against the victim, then who’s going to believe him when he finally does open up about the violence?

Bullies will also use fear to turn others against the target and recruit them to become willing participants. Even the kindest of people can become willing co-conspirators because humans behave much differently in groups, then they do on their own.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

– Voltaire

2. Repetition -bullies will bully, defame, insult, even physically attack the target repeatedly, over long periods to solidify the target’s fear, along with their low self-esteem and confidence to ensure that he doesn’t protect himself or rebel against the abuse.

3. Gaslighting – if the bullies can make the target question his own sanity and believe that he must have done or said something to deserve the cruel treatment, all the better! Then he’ll surely keep quiet then.

4. To control everyone else– bullies also use fear to control peers and bystanders. They send the messages that if anyone else dares to help or befriend the target, they’ll suffer the bullies’ wrath as well.

But there’s hope!

Unnecessary fear has a cure. And that cure is knowledge!

That’s right! You must acquire knowledge of bullies and bullying, and lots of it! It pays huge social and psychological dividends to know the psychology of bullying.

1. why bullies bully (for social status, to keep from being bullied themselves, etc.)

2. where their abuse comes from (insecurity, low self-esteem, arrogance, superiority, etc.)

3. intentions and motivations for bullying (domination and control over another person, power, social status, to keep from being bullied, etc.)

4. tactics bullies use and the effects of bullying on victims.

And so much more.

In short, you must be knowledgeable of human nature, tactics of warfare, the ways people attain power, psychology, and dark psychology. I would also recommend reading about the Dark Triad- Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. Then read about how to counter bullying.

Only then will you be able firmly and confidently stand up for and protect yourself- then ultimately free yourself from your bullies’ grip. Knowledge is the only thing that can defeat your fear. If nothing else, know this!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Reasons Why It’s Never Good to Over-Apologize

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From the time we’re toddlers, we’re taught to apologize when we do something wrong. Although this is a good thing, if it’s overdone, it can backfire.

After having been bullied and abused for so long, targets of bullying tend to apologize way too much. Sadly, what often goes with being targeted for bullying is constantly getting blamed for virtually everything that goes wrong, which is why targets are often programmed to apologize for things that don’t need an apology.

With targets of bullying, the apologies are often a knee-jerk reaction that comes from extreme fear. The incessant apologies are ways to appease the bullies and make them go away and leave him alone. And bullies know this.

They know that the apology isn’t heartfelt and that the target is only trying to keep them from harming him again, which either gives the bullies a rush of power or makes them angrier and more determined to hurt the target.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re often forced to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or that were beyond your control. So, you get into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse. But even if it does save you from being brutalized, it will eat away at your self-esteem.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

Also, you only make others around you believe that you really are in the wrong when, in fact, the bullies are the guilty ones. You only make it so much easier for your bullies to shirk responsibility for their evil deeds. It gives the bullies the impression that they have power and control over you and that you will always surrender to them.

Even worse, people lose respect for you because it conveys a lack of confidence and gives these bullies the okay to continue bullying you. You unknowingly decrease your value and look pathetic. You send the unspoken message that you’d rather be agreeable than honest.

And whenever a situation arises that warrants a sincere apology, others will only take your apology with a grain of salt.

But when you refuse to apologize where an apology isn’t needed, it’s a sign of greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. It also shows that you have more dignity and integrity.

It pays to know when you should and shouldn’t apologize.

And for Pete’s sake! Never apologize for feeling hurt or angry at someone else’s abuse! Never! In these situations, you have a right to feel the way you do! Let no one tell you how you should feel when you’re being treated unfairly!

Apologize only when you should. Not when others think you should.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Worrying About the Future Only Stops You from Enjoying Life in the Present

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There’s a reason why I make it a point never to worry until it’s time to worry. What’s going to happen will happen, and I refuse to worry about things that haven’t occurred yet- and may never come to pass.

Too many people worry needlessly, which is why we had the stock market drop and the numerous closings and shortages of necessities back in March 2020 when COVID first hit. Was and is COVID something to be concerned about? Absolutely! But was and is it something to panic over. No.

The COVID crisis is just an example. But even before the crisis, people worried needlessly.

“Oh, my God! My girlfriend is going to leave me!”

“My boss is mad at me! I’m going to get fired!”

“My grandmother is 89 years old! Oh, no! She’s going to die soon!”

“Oh, no! We have a thunderstorm, so a tornado is likely to hit!

“I’m afraid to drive a car because I could have an accident and die!”

“My kid is not studying! He’s going to make bad grades!”

“Oh, no! China is mad at us and is likely to invade us!”

There’s nothing wrong with being concerned over something if there’s a threat. But to freak out over it as if it’s going to end the world doesn’t help matters any.

No one is saying that you should put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything’s peachy king because to go to the opposite extreme is just as dangerous. But never should we run out and buy a five-year supply of toilet paper. There’s a middle ground that we should stay in.

Studies show that over half the things we incessantly worry about never end up coming true. So, again. Should we worry excessively?

Understand that excessive worry only stops us from being able to think clearly and blocks our ability to make good choices and decisions. If we’re too worried, we’re more likely to make the wrong decisions to try and contain a perceived threat. Also, it lessens our capacity to focus on real problems.

But if we lessen our worry, we’re more likely to come up with better solutions to our problems.

And the best part is, if we train ourselves not to worry excessively, we’ll have more happiness and peace of mind.

So relax. Live in the moment and be present in it.  Enjoy the good times while they’re here.