Tag: toxic conformity

When Bullies Move the Goalposts

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Understand that bullies will always judge you and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation. You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something wrong. Moreover, just your mere presence alone will invoke their judgements and attacks.

But know this. The negative suggestions and personal attacks they hurl are strictly to control you. That’s right. They insult you to control you. Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more.

And those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will not be happy with nor will they accept you, no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

Remember! It’s all About Control!

How many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you willing to make before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards of who you should be will never yield the desired results?

You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up. When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will only see you as an easy person and lose respect for you.

The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you in the future. In other words, you teach people how to treat you by what you do or don’t put up with. And when you conform to the standards of others, you only discard your own standards.

Be Yourself in Every Way!

Isn’t it time you lived up to your own? Isn’t it time you begin living life on your own terms instead of someone else’s? Your choices, your likes and preferences, your pleasures, and your happiness should never depend on the permission of another.

Therefore, you must always be yourself. This means that you must have your own opinions, likes, dislikes, and preferences. Also, you must do the things you love most, no matter what others think. Be yourself in every way!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Toxic Conformity

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Conformity can be good because we conform to sensible laws and rules in order to ensure a safe and well-run society. Conformity holds us together. However, toxic conformity is never good and can place us in danger.

What Toxic conformity brings:

Toxic conformity brings unawareness, silence to wrongdoings and injustices. Also, it promotes abuse of power and totalitarian authoritarianism.

In a toxic environment, bullies in power demand that you agree with everything they say and do. Right or wrong, they expect you to keep your mouth shut if you disagree. Moreover, you’re cannot give off any nonverbal language of opposition. In other words, you must go along if you expect to get along.

Because, if you don’t, the powers that be will subject you to ostracism, rejection, smear campaigns, even physical violence. And in extreme cases, the bullies in power will send mobs to your door. Consequently, you may endure physical torture and murder.

Schools and workplaces with a culture of bullying demand total conformity, absolute loyalty, or- toxic conformity. Totalitarian authoritarian communities and societies also demand these things. In these types of environments, there’s no margin for error.

Expect to be Ostracized if You Don’t Conform to a Bully’s Buffoonery

Moreover, you can’t deviate even the slightest bit without being punished in some way, shape, or form. And it doesn’t matter if the deviation was an honest mistake. In other words, they don’t allow you to be human. For instance, in schools and workplaces where people practice toxic conformity, creativity isn’t allowed. In communities and societies of this nature, the head honchos forbid free thought and expression.

Understand bullies see anyone who doesn’t conform to their rules and standards as a threat to their power. And they will make that person pay dearly for daring to be different. Anyone having the audacity not to stay in lockstep with their morals (or lack thereof), rules, and standards faces danger.

As I mentioned, if you dare to be different- to show creativity and talents, God help you. Having your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas puts you at risk of the bullies’ hatred and brutality.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, it’s imperative that you find a way out of that environment. Otherwise, you may pay dearly with your health and peace of mind. I realize that it won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

 Change, especially positive change, is never easy.

However, persecuted people have uprooted and left their home countries for the US in order to attain freedom. And they found a better life. So, how much easier would it be to leave a toxic school or workplace? Find an environment where you’re free to be yourself, express different ideas, create, grow, and flourish. Only then will you truly be free!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Conform to a Bully’s Standards

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Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts, change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

The way you dress, your interests, etc.

Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

Its about power and control.

It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself and taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Your personality.

We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.

And you know what? You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you, so, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do and you’re a separate person from them. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Degraded, The Demonized, and The Damned

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People hate it if you’re too confident, too independent, and too free. God, forbid you get too self-assured and have too much self-belief.

Society tends to punish you for those qualities. ‘You see? In this life, the world expects everyone to conform and to stay in their assigned places. Many people have invisible shackles and chains and are expected to keep them on.

If you dare to break those chain, God help you. The world will punish you. They will label you different, weird, a difficult person, and/or a rabble rouser.

However, do you really want to follow the crowd or follow your heart? Would you rather fit in or stand out?

Know that you can never achieve greatness by fitting in. Make a choice.

Realize that today’s great are yesterday’s demonized. And today’s demonized are tomorrow’s great.

Be yourself. Dare to be different. Have your own set of values and convictions. Own everything that is you, no matter how unique!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

2 Questions You Must Ask Yourself to Avoid Toxic Conformity

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In today’s world, we are beginning to live under the thumb of toxic conformity. Certain people in power desire to control the masses by media lies and misinformation, censorship, ridiculous mandates, and other ridiculous laws, bills, and orders.

In fact, these powers that be don’t even try to hide their lies and sins anymore, which is a sign of real danger. Because if there’s no incentive to hide wrongdoing, and crimes against humanity, then it means that there’s impunity and the freedom to go on committing violations of basic human rights. Worse even, it’s a green light to escalate these abuses.

I believe that most people have forgotten how to think critically and have lost their voices for fear of not only censorship, but social shunning and cancel culture. Be that as it may, instead of taking the words of these, dare I say, tyrants and traitors, as the gospel, people need to start asking themselves these questions:

1. Who are these lies, bits of misinformation, censors, mandates, and laws really benefiting here? Me? Humanity as a whole? Or the people making all the rules?

2. What will our compliance gain us?

I believe that once we answer these questions for ourselves, we’ll know what we must do to preserve our human rights and liberties. It’s time that we each think and do for ourselves and give these powers that be the proverbial middle finger.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Few More Reasons I Won’t Go to My High School Reunion

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“Madness is the exception in individuals but the rule in groups.” – Nietzche

It’s because of a thing called “group behavior.”

It’s a fact that school bullies rarely get over the passionate hatred of their targets once they graduate and meet them again in the real world later. My old bullies are no exception. They may not admit it to anyone other than each other, but it’s still there- simmering under the surface. Not that I’m concerned about how they feel because I could care less. As long as they stay away from me, they can feel, think, and say whatever and however, they want. It’s of no concern to me.

What would concern me is that going to the next reunion would put me in physical danger. And let’s face it. People act much differently in large groups than they do on their own. In groups, humans will do things they usually wouldn’t do, and they’ll do it for the sole purpose of conforming.

Understand that a high school reunion will have at least fifty to a hundred people in attendance. And the bigger the group, the more compelled the people in it will be to conform.

For example: If twenty out of a hundred classmates attending this reunion decide to jump me, or even kill me, you can bet that for obvious reasons, none of those who stand by and watch would do a thing to help me. They probably wouldn’t so much as run and call for help.

Out of their loyalty for each other and hatred for me, the attendees would, more than likely, let me die. I wouldn’t put it past them. No way would they risk conflict and the possibility of being ostracized by the rest of the class. To be another, “usurper” like me. No way they would.

They’re  didn’t years ago, and they wouldn’t do it today. It doesn’t matter how much older we are. They would value their status within the class more than they would the life of a person they never deemed a human being.

And people like them figure that if no one stops them, it can’t be wrong. Bystanders have a ton of influence. So, when they turn a blind eye to wrongdoing, they’ll likely become participants in it at some point. My classmates like each other and have a lot in common. And the one thing they share is their collective resentment and hate of certain people they decided weren’t worthy of human dignity. Therefore, this would only cement their collusion.

So, why would I even consider going? Going to this reunion would be suicide, and I value myself and my life way too much to put myself in that kind of danger.

The more people present when an emergency strikes, the more likely they’ll only ignore it. Any altruism they have will, more than likely, fly out the window when a person is a part of a large group. Even if cellphones have made it easier to call for help, we’ve seen video after video of vicious beatings and other crimes against fellow humans, where bystanders only stood around, laughed, and filmed the attack rather than use their phones to call for help.

Given the feelings of anger and resentment my classmates still have thirty years later, I wouldn’t put it past them to pull out their phones and begin filming in the event some of them attacked me. It’s precisely the mentality the majority of them still have, and it’s sad.

And most adults aren’t mature adults in this day and age. Adults today aren’t the adults of the ’70s, ’80s, or ’90s. Many of today’s adults, 55 and younger, have no morals nor integrity. The world today is much more evil, and many people have let hatred and immaturity overtake them because, in the current climate, it’s easier to survive in today’s world if you go along.

It’s hard to go high when everyone else goes low. Few people want to be the square peg in a group of round ones because it’s much too risky.

And many of my classmates may not think they’d stand back and watch another human being getting pulverized. After all, we all want to believe we’d do the right thing. But human nature is a fickle thing, and the compulsion to conform to a group is more potent than we realize.

Be good enough to forgive someone, but don't be stupid enough to trust them again. forgiveness

This kind of stuff has happened too many times down through history- others looked the other way while the most brutal of atrocities were being committed.

This is not to say for absolute certain that they would resort to physically harming or killing another person because they may not. But there’s no way I can know for sure. And given all this, especially their past behavior, I’m not willing to take that chance. So, the best thing to do is to ensure my safety by avoiding them altogether.

So, if you were a target of bullying in school and you know for a fact that your classmates never resolved their hatred of you, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to go to any reunions, much less bring your spouse and kids to one. Sometimes distance is the safest bet.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Surefire Signs Someone’s Having Their Strings Pulled

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In most cases of bullying, many targets suffer at the request of a ringleader. They may have friends and allies at first but slowly, one by one, these supporters disappear until there aren’t any left. Do you know why? It’s because the bullies have gotten to these allies and either threatened them for having something to do with the target or offered generous incentives to turn against the target.

Anytime there’s bullying, people outside the bully/target relationship will be influenced and persuaded by the bullies. Many people will instantly conform to the bullies’ way and I discussed why in the post entitled, “10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies,” just a couple of days ago. But how do we know when someone has been influenced by bullies? How do we know when our friends have been compromised? Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being told what to say, what not to say, and what to and not to do.

Here’s how:

1. They will be wishy-washy and flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they must flip-flop. They say one thing, then later, say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or what they believe will keep them out of trouble.

2. They say anything they think people want to hear. You can easily pick these people out if you listen and observe them around different types of people. Understand that folks in this category are puppets!


3. They go with the prevailing belief or narrative. If the prevailing belief or narrative (started by the bullies) is that the target is evil, crazy, a criminal, a whore, take your pick, that’s what the puppets around them will believe. And they won’t dare ask questions. They won’t care if proof to the contrary is available. They’ll only go along with whatever the word of the day is.

And understand that narratives are very flexible. They change like the weather. If you’re a target of bullying, one day you may be deemed crazy or stupid, the next day, you might be a cunning and shady con artist, and a week from now they’ll deem you an ax-murderer. You get the point.

4. They’re social chameleons. They speak and act one way around this group of people, then the exact opposite around another group of people.

Understand that these are people who can’t think for themselves. They flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’re sheep who are easily lead and persuaded.

Such people have no real personality, no backbone, and no beliefs and convictions of their own. When it comes down to it, they’re really quite pathetic and those who are true, real, and authentic (like the target), have no respect for them.

If you’re a target of bullying and you have friends who seem to turn on and off, hot and cold, because of things they hear about you and they don’t even bother to get the facts, you might want to shit-can these wimps and find better friends. Ditch and switch, baby!

Don’t Lose Yourself in The Crowd

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Following the crowd and conforming too tightly to what everyone else thinks and does is so unhealthy! When the desire to fit in takes up so much of your time and energy, it leaves you feeling exhausted.

Understand that to follow the crowd requires that you neglect your own wants and needs to appease and please others. After so long, you will build up resentment and the funny thing is that you won’t know why you feel so resentful.

But I can tell you why. It’s because you neglected and denied your own needs to satisfy other people. You didn’t practice self-care because you were so afraid of pissing someone off.

Being a crowd-follower leaves one feeling controlled and manipulated. It’s also tiring because it requires so much work and effort.

Can you imagine having to shift-shape yourself constantly, forever having to change and adjust yourself to the new and keep up with the Jones’s? I can, because I did that for a long time and don’t want to ever do it again. It was exhausting and frustrating!

Understand that you’re not a ball of play-doh and no one can mold you into what they want you to be unless you allow them to. When you break your back to follow the crowd, you become a stranger to yourself. You will no longer recognize yourself because you’ve lost any sense of who you are.

When you don’t know yourself anymore, you lose sight of your goals, dreams, and aspirations. In short, you forget all about what you want out of life. Even worse, you’re more likely to take abuse from others and do things you don’t want to do- just to fit in and be liked.

You constantly worry and fret about what others think of you and say about you.

Screw that noise!

That’s no way to live and life’s too short for it!

Once you’re lost yourself, getting reacquainted with yourself is a slow process and can be downright uncomfortable. But it’s a necessity if you ever want to get your life back and be happy and at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

There Are Benefits to Not Belonging to a Clique

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Too many people put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure you that you’re not defined by whether they are a member of one and why you’re so much better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, club, or group, some restrictions come with it, one of which is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle.

More often than not, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider,” that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members. In my experience, it just wasn’t and still isn’t worth being prevented from meeting new and possibly interesting and awesome people.

confident blonde teen standing in front of the clique

Also, by not belonging to a clique, you are afforded the freedom to think freely. When you are a member of a circle, your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions will most likely have to be the same as those in your group. If they aren’t, you risk being kicked out and/or worse, bullied.

Any unwritten rule that forbids you to associate with anyone outside of a group is utter hogwash! There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with anyone you choose. Also, no two people are the same, and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs, and attitudes. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop trying to please or impress your “friends.” Because if you have to suppress yourself to have or keep friends, these people are not friends.

freedom

Therefore, never allow a clique or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people, who might someday prove to be wonderful assets to your life!

And never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”