Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

‘Want to know the signs of a lack of boundaries? Here are the signs you need to set boundaries and how to do it.

lack of boundaries

When you don’t have any boundaries, others will notice and take advantage of you. Moreover, you triple your chances of experiencing bullying.

In this post you will learn all the signs that you lack boundaries and what to do to establish them. Also, you’ll learn how to set and enforce those boundaries.

Once you learn all these indications, it will prompt you to take the steps needed to win back your autonomy, self-respect, and dignity. Moreover, you will became proactive in improving your relationships, your mental health, and your life.

Lack of Boundaries

When you have no boundaries, it can turn your world upside down. Why? Because you only leave yourself vulnerable to human predators.

In other words, others have no incentive to respect you.

Instead, they’ll make you responsible for their happiness and expect you to overextend yourself for their benefit. This is no way to live and life’s too short.

So,

What are the Signs You need to Begin establishing your boundaries?

1. You have toxic relationships

The people in your life have no respect for you. They only use you for their own benefit. Moreover, they manipulate you to get you to do what they want you to do. And if you don’t do what they tell you, they’ll then find ways to punish you for it.

Toxic people may punish you by refusing to talk to you. Also, they may lay guilt trips on you to make you feel bad.

Therefore, here’s what you do. You start by having no more to do with them. Stop associating with those who use and abuse you. There’s no law that says you have to hang around with them. You must begin making yourself less available and begin taking care of your own needs and priorities.

Moreover, understand that setting boundaries also means enforcing them when the need to do so arises. Also, know that it’s an ongoing process.

This is how you create your value and communicate your worth.

2. Another Sign of a lack of boundaries is that you seem to attract bullies, users, and abusers into your life.

When you don’t protect yourself from human predators, others will notice. And they will try establishing friendships with you just to use you.

Also, bullies and abusers will think they can abuse you and get away with it. Therefore, they’ll come around just to mistreat you and make themselves feel powerful.

Remember that the purpose of setting boundaries is to protect yourself

Therefore, impose consequences for this kind of behavior. In other words, when someone mistreats you, you respond in kind. Also, you cut off communication with them.

3. You hold on to toxic relationships.

Why do you do this? It’s because you have low self-esteem. People have convinced you that your needs and wants don’t matter. Moreover, you don’t think you can ever attain better connections. Therefore, you desperately cling to the very ones who treat you like garbage.

But realize that you must gather the courage to go no contact. You deserve people who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself, not those who bring you down!

You may be alone for a while. However, wouldn’t you rather be by yourself than to be around those who suck the energy out of you?

Understand that it won’t be easy. You may have to wait a while before better people find you. However, know that once you discard those who mistreat you, you make room for those who are healthier and they will eventually come along. I guarantee it!

4. When you have a lack of boundaries, You Repel Healthier People.

Those who are happy and healthy won’t want to be around you. They may even reject you. Why? Because no one wants to be around anyone with low self-esteem.

Realize that people pick up on energy, especially low energy! Moreover, those who have low self-esteem put off low vibrations.

Therefore, happier people would rather be around those who are just as happy as they are.

Start setting boundaries and do it today! The sooner you do, the happier you’ll be, the better vibes you’ll exude, and you’ll start attracting those of higher quality!

5. You’re afraid of conflict and rejection.

You don’t stand up to people because you fear making them angry. Moreover, you’re running from conflict.

However. realize that conflict and rejection are both a part of life. This is a reality that you must accept and expect.

Setting boundaries means that you must embrace the possibility of conflict. And when someone gets offended at your boundaries and decides to lash out, you must face it head-on.

Also, expect things to get worse before they get better. Why? Because those of low integrity will be resistant to your newly established boundaries at first. And why not? They’ve grown quite comfortable with the way things were and they won’t like the change!

Nevertheless, you must continue to stand your ground and not give one tiny inch!

6. You Forgive too much when you have a lack of boundaries.

Forgiveness is a good thing but it doesn’t mean foolishness. In other words, you mustn’t overuse it. Also, you must be selective in who you give it to.

People who are genuine will see it as a second chance to repair the relationship and do better. Whereas, human predators will only see it as weakness and keep doing the same things they’ve been doing.

Therefore, don’t forgive so much.

7. You don’t say no.

Instead, you say yes to things you don’t want to do because you’re afraid of making others angry. Saying no is essential to take care of yourself.

You must understand that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s and you’re not wrong for putting yourself first.

Saying no automatically sets a boundary. “No” is a tiny word but holds enormous power. On the other hand, there is zero power in saying yes.

Therefore, stop being too scared to say no and begin saying it more often. If it offends others, then they aren’t worth having! Ditch those creeps!

8. a lack of boundaries means staying silent when others mistreat you.

If nothing else, know this! No one has a right to abuse you and you are well within your rights to defend yourself when they do. Therefore, don’t be quiet about it. Speak up!

Let the creep know in no uncertain terms that they’re out of line and you will not tolerate their behavior. And say it like you mean it!

You do this by looking them straight in the eyes and using a firm, booming voice. And don’t stop looking at them until they take their eyes off you.

This is how you set firm boundaries.

9. You’re afraid to make Your own decisions.

Why? Because you fear making other people angry. However, realize that only you are living your life, not theirs.

Therefore, who are they to tell you what you can and can’t do? Start making your own decisions. And to hell with them if they don’t like it!

Why should you give a hoot what others think? Tell them to keep their nose out of your business!

10. When you have a lack of boundaries, You apologize too much.

There are some things that just don’t warrant an apology. Period! Others will walk all over you if you overdo the I’m sorries.

Also, they’ll see it as confirmation that you’re in the wrong. Only apologize when you must.

11. You people-Please.

People-pleasing is never good because you place the needs of others over your own. It’s one thing to put your child’s needs ahead of yours. That’s normal.

However, when you put everyone else’s needs first, you place your own needs last.

But why do you do this?

You do it because you don’t want to make people angry or hurt their feelings. But those who are really concerned for you wouldn’t be offended by your taking care of yourself too.

Therefore, you should get rid of those who have a problem with your prioritizing your needs. They’re a waste of your time and energy!

12. When you have a lack of boundaries, you have increased stress levels.

And why not? When you have no boundaries, people use you as a doormat to wipe their nasty feet on.

They use you for their own benefit and disrespect your time. Moreover, they talk down to you and tell you what you can and can’t do. Then, they get angry when you’re not available at their beck and call.

It’s as if you live for their convenience and purposes.

Therefore, buck up! Gather the courage to put an end to their nonsense once and for all! Start telling them no and mean it! And if they have a problem with it, show them the door! Fast!

13. You’re too agreeable.

You are entitled to your own opinions. Moreover, you have a right to voice those opinions. Understand that you aren’t going to agree with everyone all the time. And you shouldn’t.

When you’re too agreeable, others take notice of it and lose respect for you. Moreover, you’ll attract those who will take advantage of you.

Therefore, don’t be too scared to disagree.  And if others get offended over it, they aren’t worth your time.

Get rid of them.

14. When you have a lack of boundaries, You lose your sense of self.

In other words, you don’t know who you are anymore. You lose sight of your likes and dislikes because you’re too focused on those of others.

You’re too busy trying to please others that you don’t take time to do things you enjoy doing.

Isn’t it time you got to know yourself again?

Stop trying so hard to please everyone else and increase your self-knowledge. How you do this is to get some boundaries and stick to them.

Get rid of those who ask too much of you and begin doing things to feed your own soul.

15. You Feel Powerless.

In that, you feel used by everyone, which makes you angry and resentful. Moreover, you may feel powerless to stop it.

However, you have more power than you realize. You may be unable to change other people’s attitudes but you do have the choice of whether to keep them in your life.

Therefore, be brave and give those life-leeches the boot! Start living for yourself. Do things that fill your soul and don’t feel guilty for cutting ties with people who don’t appreciate you.

In conclusion:

Setting boundaries is a peaceable thing to do. It allows you to live in harmony with others. Moreover, it protects your peace, happiness, and overall mental health.

Personal boundaries are what everyone needs to live together in a polite society!

This post was all about the negative consequences that come with a lack of boundaries and what you can do to rectify it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

Reasons You Should Never Be Afraid of Conflict

Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them in the past by bullies who just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.

Understand that these poor souls haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have, and they don’t yet know their worth and the good they deserve. Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people do get tired of hearing self-entitled and self-indulgent bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”

I can understand why targets and survivors end up being this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle and struggle to take back their autonomy, their self-determination, their personal power, their safety, their dignity, and their right to exist. They get worn down, they get weary, and all they want is for people to leave them alone and let them have some peace.

However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak and they’ll walk all over you. You must set boundaries. There are times when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across and let people know that no means no and enough is enough.

Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships and no, none of it feels good.

In short, you must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.

Think of it this way, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what because people will bring the conflict to you. Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is unavoidable and certain.

In other words, run from conflict and you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!

So, why not face it head on, better yet embrace it and stand up to people, then you can feel better about yourself later knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it. You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Problem with Looking Outside of Yourself for Your Value

Bullying is hurtful no matter how confident you are, that much is true. We’re all human and we all have feelings and emotions. However, the effects of it are even more damaging when we’re insecure and only look outside of ourselves for our value, in fact, the damage to the self-esteem is exponentially higher.

The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.

Therefore, I have repeatedly emphasized over six years of blogging that knowing your worth is your foundation and that it’s never good to look outside of ourselves for it. Understand that your value, or worth, whatever term you prefer, comes from within and never from without.

Here’s why it’s better to let your value come from the inside:’

1. You can never control the environment around you. Many times, we will find ourselves in toxic environments full of poisonous people, whether it be the school we attend, the company we work for, or the home or neighborhood we live in. When you know yourself and, in that, know your value and let it come from the inside, any bullying or abuse you’re likely to get from others won’t have such an impact on you.

It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be nearly as devastating and cause you to suppress as much of yourself because, deep down, you’ll know who you are and that the people around you are only saying the things they say to diminish you.

Also, when the crap gets too thick, you’ll know when it’s time to bail out of the environment. In knowing yourself and knowing your worth, you’ll realize that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment and that you’re better off leaving this cesspit and moving on to greener pastures.

And you’ll do it without feeling guilty- you’ll do it knowing that it isn’t because you’re “chicken” or “running away from your problems” but because you deserve better. You’ll know what’s best for you, and that it’s because you’re looking out for the best interests of your health.

2. You can never control others’ behavior and how they think of you. And because of this, it’s never good to rely on the approval of others for your value. Understand that there will always be people who don’t like you and some who even hate you and when you depend solely on the approval of others, you make yourself a doormat. Please, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, don’t give another person that kind of power!

When your value comes from within, you will have respect for yourself, you will love yourself and you will have great self-esteem. You will give yourself compassion and care when others take pot shots at you. You will have the confidence and courage to protect yourself and stand up to abuse. You will know without a shadow of a doubt that the idiots around you are the ones who have the issues and not you.

Your value should always from you. Never from another. You get your value from knowing who you are and knowing that you were put on this earth for a good reason. Realize that everyone serves a good and higher purpose here. You may or may not know what that purpose is, but you are here for a purpose. Find that purpose and fulfill it. And know your value!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Psst! I’ve Got a Secret! ‘Wanna Know What It Is?

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Here it is:

Charles Manson Had Many, Many Followers. Jesus Only Had Twelve. If You Are Bullied, This is for You.

If you are a victim of bullying, you probably have very few friends, if any. It’s not your fault. It really isn’t. Truth be known, you’ve more than likely been bullied by your peers for a long time now and your lack of true friends has compelled you to question your own value.

You wonder what your are doing wrong and may even wonder if you’re a good person. Your family and those who truly care about you may assure you that you are indeed a great person, yet you may be thinking, “If I’m so great, why is it that people at school or at work treat me so badly?”

Believe me, I understand, having been through the same situation and had those very thoughts once upon a time.

However, a lack of friends does not mean you’re a bad person nor does it mean you’re doing anything wrong. You are NOT weak, stupid, ugly, crazy, trash or whatever your bullies may call you. No!

In fact, you just may be doing something right! And because you’re doing the right things, you stand out for it.

Think about it this way: Charles Manson, leader of the infamous Manson Family whom were responsible for several gruesome murders back in the late sixties, had many followers. He was responsible for the murders of high-profile celebrities Sharon Tate and Abigail Folger. It’s believed that he was responsible for the murders of over a hundred people.

But Jesus Christ, on the other hand, had only twelve. He never murdered anyone. In fact, He was sinless.

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Also, several big-name celebrities, such as Taylor Swift, Tamar Braxton, Lady Gaga, Prince, Tom Cruise, and Patrick Swayze also got bullied either in a past job, in school or sometime in their pasts and they were very talented and exceptional people. Some of them still get bullied today via hate mail or hate messages online.

Case in point: People who are great, uber talented, exceptional always stand out from the rest. And those who stand out will be targeted by bullies. Do you understand now? Great! I knew that you would!

Rest assured that despite the vile treatment that you may be getting from others, you are awesome and you still matter! Keep standing strong and never let bullies define who you are!