Tag: resilience

resilience

Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

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Bullying can be devastating to a child’s or teen’s self-esteem. And the damage can last a lifetime. It can have a negative effect on their progress even into adulthood.

No, it isn’t your fault. You and your child are innocent in this, but you still must do some damage control.

The parents of bullies should teach them kindness and empathy, yes. However, the targets’ parents also have work to do- they must teach their children confidence. Neither side gets out of this without some degree of responsibility.

I realize that it isn’t fair that most of the confidence-building work must be done on the target’s end. But nothing in life is fair and we can’t change that reality. We, as parents of bullied children still have to take action. We still must do our part to ensure our children’s confidence stays in tact so that they’ll be able to flourish. Therefore, it’s up to us to tip the mental health balance more in the target’s favor.

Teaching targets confidence involves teaching them never to look to bullies, or anyone for that matter, for confirmation of their worth and validity. Most of all, it means creating experiences for them that naturally balance out all the negative experiences they face at school. To neglect this work would be devastating for our children!

How do you do that?

By giving them opportunities to make friends outside their toxic school environment.

For instance, they can join a martial arts class, a scout troop, or go to summer camp, to name a few. There are so many options available for targets to forge lasting friendships. And you will be amazed at just how it will help build their confidence and self-esteem.

Yes, kind words, encouragement, and verbally re-enforcing positivity to your child is important. But giving them the positive experiences that back up your well-meaning words will work doubly well because it will serve as confirmation that they really are good and normal kids and give the self-esteem that extra boost.

So, give your bullied child fun, exciting, and positive experiences that they can look back on with confidence and assurance! They will thank you for it later! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Mind Is Yours and Yours Alone. Keep It That Way.

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Bullies don’t only want to hurt you or destroy your good name. More than anything, they want to get into your head and alter your mind.

The worst thing about bullying isn’t the physical assaults. Cuts and bruises heal easily. It isn’t even the name-calling, the smears, the rumors, or the marginalization. It’s what it can do to the mind if we aren’t careful.

The worst thing that can happen to a target of bullying is when he begins to believe what he’s being told. The worst thing that happens is when she begins to see herself through the eyes of the very people who hate her and who want nothing more from her than her complete destruction and ruination.

Anytime a target begins to believe he is nothing, he does himself a huge disservice because he discards his own definition of him and replaces it with that of his bullies. He values the bullies’ opinions over his own.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving yourself even when it looks as if others don’t love you back. You must continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.’

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Yes, your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it for hitting rock bottom. Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you don’t have to give them the piece of it you still hold for yourself. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them break it.

In short, you don’t have to surrender everything that matters to your bullies.’

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying Can Either Make You or Break You!

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make or break

All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it, and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative, and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry, and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

narcissist bad attitude

For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

Don’t Lose Yourself in The Crowd

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Following the crowd and conforming too tightly to what everyone else thinks and does is so unhealthy! When the desire to fit in takes up so much of your time and energy, it leaves you feeling exhausted.

Understand that to follow the crowd requires that you neglect your own wants and needs to appease and please others. After so long, you will build up resentment and the funny thing is that you won’t know why you feel so resentful.

But I can tell you why. It’s because you neglected and denied your own needs to satisfy other people. You didn’t practice self-care because you were so afraid of pissing someone off.

Being a crowd-follower leaves one feeling controlled and manipulated. It’s also tiring because it requires so much work and effort.

Can you imagine having to shift-shape yourself constantly, forever having to change and adjust yourself to the new and keep up with the Jones’s? I can, because I did that for a long time and don’t want to ever do it again. It was exhausting and frustrating!

Understand that you’re not a ball of play-doh and no one can mold you into what they want you to be unless you allow them to. When you break your back to follow the crowd, you become a stranger to yourself. You will no longer recognize yourself because you’ve lost any sense of who you are.

When you don’t know yourself anymore, you lose sight of your goals, dreams, and aspirations. In short, you forget all about what you want out of life. Even worse, you’re more likely to take abuse from others and do things you don’t want to do- just to fit in and be liked.

You constantly worry and fret about what others think of you and say about you.

Screw that noise!

That’s no way to live and life’s too short for it!

Once you’re lost yourself, getting reacquainted with yourself is a slow process and can be downright uncomfortable. But it’s a necessity if you ever want to get your life back and be happy and at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Being a Target of Bullying Will Either Make or Break You

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make or break

Being the object of bullies is a hell that only few people can comprehend. If you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being to one of two things:

1. an angry, bitter. distrusting and mean-spirited person

2. a sad, sullen, and withdrawn individual.

Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. But I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t – I repeat – DON’T give up! EVER!

I’m living proof. I’m a very happy, healthy, and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you never would’ve thought that I would ever make it as far as I have.

The bullying didn’t break me. It made me! I consciously chose not to let it break me, and you, too, have that choice.

Being bullied is never good. But it not only made me a stronger, more resilient, and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe. It gave me the drive to become a published author and be a voice for those who are too afraid to speak out.

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it’ll be as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives.

No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short, not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!