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glimmers psychology

Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

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‘Want to know about glimmers and how they can help you heal from bullying? Here’s everything you need to know about these tiny little blessings!

glimmers

If you’re a victim of bullying, you need more glimmers and less triggers. That much is obvious. However, you may be wondering what glimmers are. Also, you may wonder how you use them to balance out the negative in your life and heal from bullying.

Well, you’re in luck because it’s easier than you might think!

In this post, you will learn all about glimmers. You’ll learn what they are and how they can help you heal from bullying or any other trauma. Also, you’ll learn how you can collect as many of them as humanly possible so that you can raise your mood and confidence levels.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be better able to raise your self-esteem, confidence, and happiness quotient. Moreover, you will be able to heal from and rise above bullying and live a much more peaceful life.

This post is all about glimmers and how they can totally change your life.

What are glimmers?

They are the opposite of triggers. Glimmers are those tiny, beautiful moments that make you feel safe, happy and calm. You can use them to heal from trauma.

And here’s the best part! Glimmers are easy to find. They’re everywhere! All you have to do is look for them.

They help you to heal from bullying or any traumatic event. Glimmers are those tiny reprieves that make you feel ALIVE!

Again, they help to balance out all the negativity in your life. In fact, if you can have an equal or greater number of glimmers than triggers, you can quickly begin recovering from bullying and other traumas in your life.

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

Everyone has both positive and negative experiences, especially with others if they’re victims of bullying and abuse. This can determine their level of confidence and self-esteem.

The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative. This is where looking for and finding the glimmers comes in.

When targets of bullying feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means that they’ve had too many negative experiences with people. In fact, they’ve had so many that any positive experiences they once had become irrelevant.

Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account. If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, their positive account can quickly be depleted. Any more and it plunges into the negative.

Therefore, if you’re a parent and your child is a victim of bullying at school, you must help them find their glimmers.  In other words, help them deposit “money” into their confidence banks every day.

Glimmers should equal or outnumber the triggers.

If you give them words of encouragement and love. Those are glimmers. Moreover, you can also contribute a few more by teaching them the importance of confidence.

 The key is to create plenty of positive experiences for your child.

Again, positive words, actions, and experiences must equal or outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school. Only then will you repair their self-esteem, and help them regain confidence.

Finally, once confidence is restored, you child will be better able to combat bullies and, possibly, cease to be a target.

Talking about the abuse and getting it out in the open does help with healing. However, it only does so much. Therefore, if you want to help your child keep their self-esteem and confidence, you must help them create positive experiences (glimmers).

And they must be either equal to or more than the negative experiences they get from being the victim of bullies.

Help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment. This will create wonderful memories. These are also glimmers and they’re the best kind of therapy there is.

Glimmers are everywhere if you look for them. And there’s an endless supply of them. Help your child catch as many as possible, then teach them to look for them. Do these things and you will succeed in helping them restore their confidence.

Just the same, if you’re the one being bullied, you must do the above for yourself.

Glimmers can turn a crappy life into a happy life.

To find the glimmers, you must look for them. However, once you begin looking for them, you’ll see them everywhere.

Examples

Here are several examples of glimmers.

  • The first big snow of the winter season.
  • Watching a beautiful sunrise.
  • Visiting a friend or family member you haven’t seen in a long time.
  • Seeing a shooting star.
  • Catching a firefly and setting it free.
  • Watching fireflies at night.
  • Sitting outside at night under the stars.
  • Lying in the grass during the day and watching those billowy, cumulus clouds.
  • Falling into a huge pile of fallen Autumn leaves.
  • Cuddling a puppy or a kitten.
  • Spending time cooking with your mother.
  • Camping out with your dad.
  • Shopping with your grandma.
  • Watching a rainbow.
  • Sipping hot cocoa in front of a bonfire on a chilly autumn evening.
  • Smelling a rose.
  • Listening to a cat purr.
  • Blooming flowers in the spring.
  • Fall foliage.
  • Listening to a nostalgic song.
  • The smell of incoming rain.
  • Working in a garden.
  • A cool breeze on a warm spring day.
  • Lying on a sunny beach.

I could go on and on…

Breaking it Down.

Let’s use a few on the above list as examples and explain why this works so well.

1. Sitting outside at night under the stars is a beautiful and peaceful experience. It allows you to forget all your troubles and just be in the moment. Just imagine it!

As you gaze up at the stars and listen to the crickets, you feel a gentle breeze blow and hear the leaves lightly rustle in the trees.

It’s peaceful moments like that that help you to forget all your trauma and be present, if only for a short moment.

2. Cuddling a puppy or kitten can also help reverse triggers and turn them into glimmers. Just imagine holding that cute baby animal. Think about the small puppy licking you in the face or listening to that tiny kitten purring as you stroke it’s fur.

Again, this allows you to forget all your troubles and live in the moment. Your attention is focused solely on that sweet baby animal in your arms and not the trauma you suffered in the past.

This is how glimmers heal and energize you. Life is short! Therefore, catch as many glimmers as humanly possible!

You Must Train Yourself to look for the glimmers.

In other words, instead of focusing on the triggers – the bad things, search for the glimmers. And once you do, you’ll find them everywhere. Moreover, you’ll be able to create them!

What are the benefits?

Glimmers bring a sense of safety and security. Moreover, they provide a sense of calm and tranquility. In that, they make you feel peace, joy and happiness.

Glimmers are signs of hope!

Here are other things they do. They relieve stress and improve your well-being. They also spark feelings of gratitude.

Glimmers vs Triggers

As mentioned earlier, glimmers are the exact opposite of triggers. Triggers are signals of danger. On the other hand, glimmers signal safety.

Triggers make you feel threatened. Glimmers bring feelings of protection. The former makes you feel anxious. The latter, relaxed.

Triggers throw you into survival mode, whereas, glimmers place you in thriving mode. Triggers only stir you up. Glimmers calm you down.

A sense of panic comes from triggers. Glimmers foster a sense of calm. Triggers make you angry or upset. Glimmers make you feel happy and at peace.

Triggers prepare you for a hostile environment, whereas, glimmers get you ready for one that’s peaceful.

The former crashes your mood. The latter significantly lifts it. In short, glimmers improve your overall mental health!

Therefore, look for the glimmers, especially if people bully you. Although bullying can leave you in a very dark place, if you look for the glimmers, they can be tiny flickers of light in the darkness. It is those tiny flickers that can make a huge difference in your life!

Where did the term come from?

Glimmers is a fairly new term that comes from Deb Dana, psychologist and author of “Polyvagal Theory and the Rhythm of Regulation.” She teaches trauma victims how to counteract their triggers using glimmers.

Therefore, find the glimmers and use them to heal and overcome bullying and abuse. I can tell you that I’ll be actively looking for them from here on out!

This post was all about glimmers and what they are. Also, it was about how you can use them to benefit your mental health and buffer yourself from the onslaught of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

3. Make New Friends: 11 Insanely Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

4. How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

5. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

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Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

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‘Want to know the benefits of positive thinking so that you can create a positive mind and reap those advantages?

benefits of positive thinking

When you have people in your life who bully and abuse you, it can be difficult to think positive. However, if you knew the benefits of positive thinking even during unpleasant circumstances, you would probably be more willing to put in the extra work to create a positive mind.

In this post, you will learn all the benefits of positive thinking and how it will change your life.

Once you learn these seemingly unfair advantages, you will be more compelled to think positive even if you don’t feel like it. As a result, you’ll begin to attract better things into your life. Even better, you’ll be amazed at how it will better your world!

This post is all about the benefits of positive thinking so that you can attract better things to you and be happier and healthier!

Benefits of positive thinking

Before we go directly to the benefits, let’s discuss how all this works.

I’ve always heard people make the statement, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

The problem with this is that our attitudes shape our perspectives and perspectives shape what we see. In other words, our perspectives can blind us to a lot of stuff, even to what’s right in front of our faces.

Why? Because, if you have the mindset that you’ll believe it when you see it, the chances are that you never will see it.

This is the reason many targets are bullied. It’s the reason why innocent people are convicted of crimes they didn’t commit. It’s also the reason why many bullies and criminals are promoted to high positions. Because, to a degree, it’s all about our attitudes!

However, know that this doesn’t mean that what happens to you is your fault. Because, it isn’t! I repeat! You’re not to blame for what happens to you!

Most people often base their judgments of others on our attitudes towards them. Moreover, people assess others by what they’ve heard about them, or whether they like them.

Many times, people judge others too harshly because they can’t see past our dislike or hatred of them. Understand that this is how bullies are made and it’s a dark part of human nature!

The Drawbacks of Negative Thinking

Sadly, we also do this with our own lives as well. If we’ve had a string of adversity throughout our lives, we usually come to expect more of the same. Consequently, we end up getting just that! We get more of the same!

Moreover, we come to see ourselves as unlucky, undesirable, unlovable, and incapable of success. As a result of our thinking, we get more and more adversity because our attitudes and perspectives about our lives will blind us to opportunities.

Also, what is more shocking is opportunities we end up missing are, more than likely, right in front of us. These are opportunities that others may see and seize.

Then, we’ve missed out once again and thus, the cycle only continues.

Therefore, our thought patterns have ways of shaping and influencing our lives. Moreover, the ways that we think shape the things that happen in our lives, and where life takes us. And yes, our outlook even attracts people and events.

The benefits of positive thinking and why you should change the way you think

This is why we must do the inner work to change our thought patterns. We must check our attitudes and work to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The only way you will have a positive life is to have a positive attitude, then a positive perspective, which can only develop by having positive thoughts.

I know it’s hard to do when it seems that adversity is coming at you from every possible direction. Believe me, I understand because I’ve been there.

In fact, it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But I promise you this. If you start now by catching each negative thought and replacing it with a thought that’s positive, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life will get!

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Oooooh! But “What if it does?”

It worked for me and it’ll work for you too!

Therefore, change your mindset.

You are what you think.

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Targets of bullying can start off as confident and outgoing people. However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn.

Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. Moreover, they stop believing in their own good qualities.

Sadly, they no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

Then soon, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people, began to fall out with friends and family and suffer back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected and unsuccessful.

Benefits of positive thinking: Here’s how it works

Thought patterns determine outlook (attitude).

Outlook determines choices, decisions and behavior.

Decisions and behavior determine outcomes.

Outcomes determine events that happen in your life and your life’s trajectory.

All this then re-enforces your outlook (attitude).

This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

To put it simpler, anytime you think a thought, you send a message out into the universe.  Sooner or later, you get a response that matches. Moreover, this response always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance. And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle.

However, know that this cycle can be broken, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. I can tell you from experience that the changes won’t happen overnight.

The reason for this is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces (like your subconscious mind, for instance) will, at first, fight against any change you try to make. You could say that these unseen forces (your subconscious) have become comfortable with the way things are.

Just as most people hate change, so do the higher powers at work.

But know that if you keep at it, your breakthrough will present itself eventually. It has to after a while because of your refusal to give up.

On the other hand, the same order also goes with positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts equal a positive mind. A positive mind brings positive opportunities.

Therefore, positive opportunities lead to positive results. Altogether, they bolster confidence, which gives you a positive and extraordinary life!

It’s a shame most people go through life without learning this little nugget of wisdom. They go to the grave never learning this and so many other life secrets.

The benefits of positive thinking should motivate you to alter your outlook for the better.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you must be very careful that you don’t allow your bullies to cause you to mentally self-destruct. In other words, don’t allow the lies and toxic messages they send to influence the way you think of yourself.

You must fight like the devil to hold on to your self-belief. Your life and its trajectory depend on it!

If you hold on to your positive attitude and sense of self from the very beginning, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and hard work in the future. Most of all, you’ll save yourself from a lot of future pain and misery.

So, be aware that when bullies are attacking you at every turn, it’s too easy to allow your self-esteem to erode. As a result, you end up losing the initial positive attitude.

Moreover, if you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and give up on your goals. Here are 3 Life Secrets that everyone (especially targets) should learn. And once you learn them, hold them close no matter how others may treat you.

You can use them to keep your self-esteem from tanking.

Finally, the 6 benefits of positive thinking:

1. You Have Improved Mental Health.

It uplifts your mood! You begin to feel better and more hopeful. Therefore, you’ll see a better path forward. And the best part is that you’ll experience joy!

2. You’ll attract better people into your life.

Your good mood will spread to others and they’ll take notice. The right people will want to be around you because they will want some of the feel-good that you’ve got!

In other words, you’ll be more pleasant to be around. Understand that others who aren’t bullies love being around those who have a positive mindset.

Why? Because your mindset has a way of radiating outward through the vibrations and energy you unconsciously put out.

So, if you have a positive mindset, the people around you will feel it and they’ll gravitate toward you. This is how you will meet dates, partners, and lifelong friends.

3. Benefits of positive thinking: You’ll attract better opportunities.

That includes better job opportunities and better social and romantic opportunities as well. Managers love potential employees who are positive. Moreover, it’s the same for potential business partners, dates, friends, and associates.

Most people love those who have a positive attitude. Because a positive attitude is a winning attitude! Everyone loves a winner! That is, everyone, except bullies and abusers.

4. You’ll be grateful with what you have instead of resentful over what you don’t have.

You’ll focus on what you do have and not moan about the things you don’t have. Moreover, you’ll work toward achieving your desires instead of just sitting around wishing for them.

And because you work for it, you will more than likely attain it because no one every got anything by wishing for it.

5. Your positive attitude will become ironclad.

In other words, if you practice positive thinking long enough, it will become a habit! You’ll think positive without even thinking about it and your happiness will increase several-fold!

6. You’ll begin to score wins left and right!

In other words, you’ll see success after success! And who doesn’t want that! With a positive outlook, you’re likely to make the right choices and decisions, which will lead to accomplishments you never thought possible!

this post was all about the benefits of positive thinking and why you should change negative thought patterns.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Please Hold On! The Best is Yet to Come!

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People may bully you now but they won’t always. Although the bullying is intense- even unbearable, the struggle is only temporary. And I do not say this lightly. I know what you must be thinking… “But she doesn’t understand!”

“Nobody understands!”

“She’s isn’t suffering, and she doesn’t understand the hell I go through every day at work or at school!”

I do understand because once upon a time, I was stuck in the same spot that you are in today. I know what it is like to want to smile, laugh, sing, and dance only for others beat it out of you. Also, I understand the pain of wanting to believe in yourself and see your own value. You try to feel good about yourself, only for others to repeatedly and seemingly deliberately drum into your head that you are nothing.

I Feel Your Pain because I Experienced it.

To want to speak and use your voice, only for people to silence you. You want to just live in peace. But others only threaten physical harm, further degradation and humiliation. School staff threatens suspension or expulsion. Your supervisor may threaten you with the loss of your job and livelihood. Moreover,  others may sabotage your opportunities! I know all too well the desire to move forward and go places, only for bullies to hold you back.

To want to escape the torment, only to be stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! I know the horror of knowing that others curse your very existence and bombard you with death threats.

I know what it feels like to have others force you to sacrifice your own needs and wants for their own satisfaction! And to see others getting gratification and entertainment- all at your expense. I know what it’s like to be marginalized, shut out, devalued as a person. Additionally, I know what it’s like to even be slapped, kicked, beaten, scorned, disregarded, walked on!

It is a feeling of being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, throws it into reverse, and backs over you again. The driver shifts back into drive and mows over you- yet again. He then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out, and asks, “Are you dead yet?”

Bullies Don’t only Want to Hurt You, They Wan’t to Destroy You.

And any signs of life- any whimper or movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and back over you again. He just keeps running and backing over you until you finally succumb to the trauma and die.

Yes. This is akin to what targets of bullying endure. Bullies want to destroy you, and it seems that they won’t relent until they are sure that they have done just that.

But know this. You will not have to deal with these people forever, and Karma does repay- in spades! If you keep believing in yourself, you will become successful and happy. And when you finally get there, your bullies won’t even matter to you.

Know that You CAN Overcome Bullying!

You are beautiful! Smart! Awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people who will see your worth and love you. Even better, they will love you unconditionally- just for being YOU! You will find a teacher, school, supervisor, or employer who will see the good you bring to the table.  And these people will view you as the asset you truly are!

Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Thirteenth Takeaway from Being Bullied

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When I posted “My 12 Takeaways from Being Bullied” today, perhaps it should’ve been titled with a thirteen instead of a twelve.

Later, another takeaway came to mind that I hadn’t thought of and failed to mention. But before I tell you what it is, allow me to elaborate a little first.

Many of my bullies in school were the most irresponsible and incompetent people I’d ever met. They were spoiled, coddled and babied which caused them to be self-entitled, demanding, arrogant and ignorant. Many of them would get into trouble with the school, juvenile authorities, or the police. And they would do these things repeatedly.

Any time they got themselves in a jam, here come Mom and Dad to the rescue. Their parents would either pull a few strings or pay through the nose to pry little junior’s butt out of the crack he’d gotten it stuck in.

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If they made a bad grade, the parents would come to the school and chew the teacher out for giving the grade. Or the kid would cheat their way to a passing grade.

Many of my female bullies would end up pregnant, some repeatedly, and their parents would swoop in to fund their abortions to keep her from bringing shame to the family. What’s even funnier is that some of these kids were those no one ever in a million years thought would end up in such predicaments.

This is not to say that I look down on anyone who goes to jail, who has gotten PG out of wedlock or has had an abortion because we all screw up- and screw up BIG- at some point in life. So, understand that I’m not judging anyone, nor am I expressing any views.

The point to this post is this: They never learned to take responsibility for their own lives. And why would they if they were never made to?

I look back now and realize that it’s no wonder most of these people had the attitudes they had.

With that said, here’s my 13th takeaway:

I learned early on that I was the only person responsible for my own safety, success, and future happiness, no one else! And I had to be willing to do whatever it took to bootstrap my way back up. And it was the same with my other siblings.

There were no freebies nor piggyback rides.

positive motivational

If I screwed up (and I did many times), my parents didn’t bail me out. They stood back, let me fall flat on my tookus, then expected me to pick myself up afterward- all by myself! And they did it to teach me responsibility for my actions.

And when you’re a kid, you don’t realize the tough love and good intentions behind it. You don’t see the eventual payoff. You don’t think about how this will mold you into a much better person and make life much easier for you in the future.

All you’re looking at is the here and now. All you see is what’s in front of your face, which is every other kid getting to do whatever wrong they want and getting a pat on the head and a proverbial get-out-of-jail-free card while you’re having the book thrown at you. And no, it’s not fun. In fact, it downright sucks!

But! Though it may not have felt good nor seemed fair at the time, through it all, I learned independence. I learn self-control. I discovered my own strength and that I was unstoppable!

positive motivational

And if I can go through six long years of brutal bullying and remain standing, then nothing is impossible, and there’s no limit to the heights I can achieve.

The majority of people who are bullied are those who come from families who’ve instilled morals, integrity and the importance of accountability in them. These people are often the brightest, most hard-working, decent, caring, and, most of all, bravest people around.

When you’re bullied, you learn to overcome so many obstacles and move on with life. And you learn by yourself. You learn to fight like the dickens for your safety, well-being, and your happiness. You also learn that if you want anything in life, it’s up to only you to put in the effort to get it.

In closing, I want to thank my bullies for showing me my own strength and for giving me the grit to stay in the fight, to adapt, to overcome, and to win!

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin: What It Means

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To become comfortable in your own skin, it takes several years and plenty of life lessons and experiences. It takes being knocked down enough times by enough people before you can finally say, enough is enough and choose to be happy.

And when we choose to be happy, despite our imperfections and what others think or say of us, we choose to be truly free! Free from the constraints of longing to fit in- free from the constraints of conformity!

To be comfortable in your own skin means loving and accepting all parts of you- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

It means doing what fulfills you and makes you happy.

It means living life on your own terms.

It means refusing to apologize for who you are.

It means allowing yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

It means refusing to live up to standards and expectations other than your own.

It means making time for hobbies and interests.

It means making time for your family and closest friends.

It means not being afraid to say no or to set boundaries.

It means not being afraid to ask for what you want.

It means following your dreams.

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It means working toward your goals.

It means celebrating your successes and accomplishments.

It means not being afraid to ask for help when you need it.

It means being selective of friends and who you spend time with.

It means accepting and embracing differences in people.

It means having empathy and compassion for others.

It means putting yourself and your health first.

It means being realistic with goals and patient with the time it takes to reach them.

It means being present in the moment.

It means knowing your limitations.

It means knowing what you want in life and going after it.

It means being clear on what you will and will not tolerate.

It means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away.

It means knowing that you’re worthy of respect, love, compassion, friendship, and peace.

Most of all, it means the freedom to be.

Even The Most Confident Have Their Moments

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A few years ago, a thought occurred to me that even the most confident people have moments and days when they don’t feel so confident. I most certainly have them. I know where my talents are, I know all of my good qualities and bad, and I know who I am and what I want. However, I also know my limitations- it pays to know those too because confidence doesn’t mean arrogance.

If I don’t like something, I take steps to change it, and if it cannot be changed, I find ways to embrace it.

For the past decade, I have felt peace I never before knew. Yet, there are still days when I don’t feel as confident as I should.

There are times when I feel a tad insecure and nervous. There are times when I feel my old shyness trying to creep back in. After all it’s only human.

Only I refuse to give in to it. I give myself psychological pep talks to make the insecurity go away, then face the fear head-on.

Everyone has those days. So, when this happens to you, don’t toil over it. Accept it as a part of being human, and when insecurity does rear its ugly head, either use your mind to lessen the feelings or make them go away.

Even if you are a happy and confident person, there will be days when things go wrong, and there’ll be days when you just aren’t feeling it.

So, I hope you remember that just because you are having a day when you don’t feel so good, it does not mean that you are not a strong, resilient, and confident person. It just means that you are human, and just like everyone else, you will have downtimes and bad times. Just keep the faith because those times never last.