Home Health Aids Bullied By Client’s Family

Younger man visiting older man in a hospital or elder care facility

Millions of home health care aides report bullying by their client’s families and sometimes the client themselves. I worked in healthcare for 11 years and I have certainly had it happen to me. But I was lucky. I was in a position where I would drop the client’s case and walk away. However, many home health aides feel trapped in hostile environments and aren’t in a position to get out.
Moreover, I know a home health worker who cared for a client six hours per day. She worked four days a week and the elderly client was satisfied with the help she give her. Yet the client’s family totally screwed everything up for her (the client). And the worker had no choice but to drop the client in her refusal to deal with the family.
I’ll call this worker, Shelly. And we’ll call the client, Mrs. Shayes.
Here’s what she had to say when she told me her story:
Younger hands holding elderly hands in support
“I truly feel bad for my former client, Mrs. Shayes (not the client’s real name). Her family bullied good care workers and I truly felt bad for her. But I had to put my own health first and walk because these people were bordering on dangerous. I was the ninth worker this poor lady had in the span of only a year. So, that, in itself, spoke volumes.
When I first began working for and taking care of Mrs. Shayes, I noticed several red flags. The family members would talk such trash about the last health care worker who took care of her. Yet they put me on a pedestal because I did my job and was dedicated to my client.  Although, this made me suspicious and leery of these people, I continued to do my job. I showed up every morning and did what I needed to do to meet her needs.
An Unsanitary house
Eww!! Concept of disgust
The client lived in a house with six healthy adults, including two who were freeloaders. Two babies also lived there. The place was so filthy, it looked like a hog pin. Some mornings, I would arrive to see a dirty diaper or two lying in the dinner table- seriously! A dookie diaper! On the kitchen table! Where people eat!
Furthermore, When I went to do Mrs. Shayes’ laundry, I would go into the laundry room and wade through two feet of wall-to-wall dirty and smelly clothes to get to the washer and dryer. The living room and hallway floors were also spotted with dog and cat pee/poop and the stench was enough to make you gag!
It was disgusting- so disgusting that flies and gnats were buzzing everywhere. In short, the place was a real sh*thole! These people were nasty!
female home health care aide assisting an elderly male client
Poor Mrs. Shayes and two toddlers lived in this! It just goes to show what pigs her family were. And I know I shouldn’t say these things, but these people definitely shouldn’t be allowed to have children or a helpless elderly woman in their care. Because, I kid you not, these people lived live cockroaches.
I say cockroaches because animals lived better than this.
A toxic family and work environment
Also, I would personally witness them yell and curse Mrs. Shayes on a regular basis and it would absolutely infuriate me to no end. It takes the lowest kind of lowlife to abuse an elderly and disabled person. It occurred to me that they did this as a way to control her.
man with many faces
Words cannot describe what rotten maggot ridden garbage I worked around. Not only did I fear for this lady, I also feared for my own health as well. You just knew that house was a breeding ground for bad bacteria.
Additionally, when I informed the company after work, they informed me that they had contacted the state and an ombudsman on numerous occasions.
This family was so dysfunctional that they would even curse each other out and get into fights and screaming matches. I can tell you why I stayed. I continued to work in that kind of environment because I worried for the client. But, in the back of my mind, I knew that it was only a matter of time before they would come for me.
And sure enough, they did.
The company I worked for set it up that each morning I arrived, I was to call in from one of the family member’s cellphones. It was  how I reported that I’d arrived at the client’s residence to start my shift. Everyone in the family were night owls so they often slept until about 1-2pm. So, most days, I would wake one of them up in order to use a cellphone to call in.
A ground of wooden men with several arrows pointing to a single blue man, mobbing concept
However, When I woke the 21 year old grandson to use his phone, he shouted at me and threw the phone at me because I’d awakened him.
Later that day, I called somewhat of a meeting with the family and attempted to resolve the problem. I asked if someone could leave their phone sitting in the kitchen where I could call in without waking one of them. That’s when Mrs. Shayes, granddaughter’s boyfriend, who lived with them at the time, blew up and approached me like he was going to physically attack me. Talk about a house full of wolves!
under threat of physical attack
As such, I demanded in a stern voice that he ‘get away from me, now!’ But he kept inching his way closer. That’s when I was done. No way was I going to allow these lowlifes to abuse and talk down to me. I immediately called the company from my cellphone and told them that I was leaving, that these people were batshit crazy, and I never wanted to work at this residence again.
Skull and crossbones with the word, "Toxic" underneath
So, I “fired” them! It was good riddance to bad rubbish. And when I walked away from these people, my company understood because, as I said before, I had been the ninth worker they’d sent to the residence. Therefore, they didn’t terminate me. They’d just gotten a new client and they sent me there minutes after I left “the wolves den.”
However, the sad thing is that in abusing their loved one’s health aid, they made it difficult for Mrs. Shayes to keep good workers to take care of her. So, I believe that she was the one who suffered the most from this.
God opened an even bigger and better door for me! I had the good sense and courage to walk away and got a better client, so I ended up winning. Yay me! Just say no to drama!
a family investigated by the state
From what someone told me later, the state continued to investigate these people. I don’t know what came of Mrs. Shayes but I can only hope and pray that the state removed her from the home and placed her in a clean environment with caring people where she could be safe and live out her golden years in peace…”
Sign that reads, "Contaminated Area"
I feel for Shelly, but even more, I feel for the lady who lived under such conditions and, like Shelly, who obviously hated to leave because she felt as if she was leaving her client to be abused, I hope the lady ended up in a more wholesome environment.
Also,  I’m proud of Shelly for putting her safety first and escaping such a toxic family. Know that home healthcare workers do a thankless job and they’re often the objects of bullying either by the client, or their families. And most often, it is the families of the clients who abuse these workers and I would advice any home health aid never to be afraid to walk out if these conditions arrive.
Shelly was lucky in that she had the support of the company she worked for. In most cases, however, most companies will side with the abusers. And, if that’s the case, than these companies do not deserve to have such dedicated workers under their employ.
Understand that when you work in someone else’s home, it puts you at the mercy of not only the client, but also their families.
With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies with Anger Issues

Many bullies have anger issues. If you’re a target of these types of bullies, I want to warn you that things can get dangerous very quickly. These overly aggressive bullies will make you pay dearly when you don’t bow down and let them have their way with you. And they usually come back at you with explosive outbursts of rage, vicious cursing, and name-calling.

This kind of person is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. Bullies of this caliber will:

1.turn red-faced, curse and scream at you to the top of their lungs,

2. call you the vilest names

3. hurl objects at you from across the room.

4. destroy your personal property

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

Many of my classmates were these types- people who had only reached a two-year-old’s maturity level and stopped there. It seemed that when I wouldn’t be their puppet, they’d get physical and try to beat me into submission.

Understand that these kinds of bullies can’t ask for what they want respectfully because, if they do, they’ll only be giving you the freedom to say no. They would give you a chance to cut those puppet strings. Then where would that leave them?

It would leave them without a target.

Some of them will threaten you with:

1. “If you don’t do this, I’ll kick your a**.”

2. “If you say that, I’ll beat the sh** out of you.”

And some may not. But! You know the threat is there because these bullies will give you that threatening look or they loom just a little too close to intimidate you. Their body language speaks for them. Their nostrils will flair like a bull getting ready to charge, or they face you with a threatening stance while clenching their fists. They are the classic bullies.

Realize that overly aggressive bullies are so afraid of losing control of you. They react with rage if you don’t comply or take the abuse.

As I type this, I think about one bully, in particular, I’ll call her Kitty.

If there’s one thing I remember about her, it’s her volatile temper. During the eighth grade, I remember standing in the lunch line, and Kitty shoving me from behind and screaming at me to move. She pushed me so hard that she almost knocked me to the floor.

I don’t know what came over me that day, but people had bullied me for a few years, and I finally got fed up. I shouted back, telling her to keep away from me and not to ever put her hands on me again. Suddenly, her eyes flashed, and she grabbed a steak knife from the utensil section. Back then, schools used real silverware, not plastic cutlery. And she lunged at me with it.

To this day, I can still remember the white-knuckled grip she had on the potential weapon. Luckily, the principal and several male teachers grabbed and restrained her before she could attack. And mind you, Kitty was a huge 200+ pound, and close to six feet tall gargantuan. I was only, maybe, 110-120 lbs and five foot three or four. So, she could’ve done considerable damage without the knife. Lord knows what she would’ve done with it.

Then, there was the incident in the principal’s office after she’d tried to attack me in the classroom when she went berserk and grabbed the principal’s nameplate off his desk and charged me with it. Luckily, the principal and another teacher restrained her.

So, I want to warn you that, yes, such people exist and they’re dangerous. It’s best to avoid these types of bullies if possible. However, understand that overly-aggressive bullies are the type who will also hunt you down if you’re not available.

Kitty was that type. You couldn’t avoid her for long.

If a bully tracks you down, I can only tell you this. If the school won’t punish these crazies, the best thing to do is document the bullying and keep a journal of it, using the 5W rule. You should also contact the police and get a restraining order against these kinds of bullies. In doing these things, you establish records of past abuse, and these records can serve as evidence in court in the event the person maims you, or worse. You may also need to transfer schools to ensure your safety.

Do everything you can to take care of yourself and stay safe.