what constitutes bullying and harassment

What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

December 20, 2024December 15, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Here are several examples of what it is and what it isn’t.

It’s important to know how to distinguish bullying from incivility, differences of opinion, or healthy arguments and debates. Why? So that you can better point it out when you see it and without any confusion.

As someone who was a victim of bullying in the past and has researched it for almost thirty years, I’m giving you several examples of what is and isn’t bullying.

You will learn exactly what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t.

Once you learn these differences, you will be able to pinpoint a bullying situation more accurately and with less difficulty than before.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can know if people are, in fact, bullying you or if you’re witnessing someone else being bullied.

What Constitutes Bullying

People use the term “bullying” so widely today. In fact, many misuse and abuse it. People throw the word around loosely, sticking it’s label to situations that do not fit its use.

In other words, many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they don’t like. Moreover, people also mistakenly call anyone who disagrees with them “a bully.”

As a result, this has caused so much confusion as to what is bullying and what is only rudeness, argument, debate, being a jerk or voicing an individual opinion.

Therefore, I feel an obligation to point out the definition of bullying and to clarify what truly is and is NOT bullying.

The Definition of bullying:

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

In other words, bullying is unwanted aggression that is repeated, over a long period of time, against the same individual target or targeted group because of an imbalance of power.

What constitutes bullying: Bullying has 5 Characteristics.

1. Power imbalance.

Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power, with the bully usually having more power than their victim. For example, bigger bullies in school ride roughshod over victims much smaller. The power these bullies have over their victims is size and physical strength.

Another example would be the tyrannical manager at the office or a brutal county sheriff. The power the manager holds over his victim subordinates is his position in the company.

Moreover, his power is the fact that he holds their ability to feed themselves and their families in the palm of his hand. Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.

It’s the same with the bad sheriff. His position in the county government is his power and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.

So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim innocence? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.

Therefore, bullying always involves a power imbalance. Also, the bully is ALWAYS the one with the most power.

2. Repetition.

The bullying aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods of time (anywhere from several weeks to several years). And because bullying goes on over time, it also escalates if it goes unchecked.

3. What Constitutes Bullying:

Seeks to do harm.

Bullying seeks to deliberately hurt it’s victims. It not only harms them physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.

4. It targets the same victim.

Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment either by relocation, transfer, or death.

5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).

Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the bullying environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.

Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period.

What constitutes bullying and what doesn’t

Bullying is often confused with:

1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates

Disagreements aren’t bullying because everyone disagrees- couples, siblings, parents may disagree with children and do, quiet often.

In other words, someone who doesn’t agree with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds and belief systems.

Though it doesn’t always feel good when someone disagrees with us, it still isn’t bullying.

However, it would become bullying is if you begin repeatedly singling out the person who disagreed with you and launched a two-month-long string of ad homonym attacks. Then you would be the bully for doing that.

Therefore, we must learn to accept each other’s differences.

2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.

This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies.

For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them if what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

However, if the person continued this behavior for a length of time and smeared the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against her, then yes! It is bullying.

3. What constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Misunderstandings

Here’s another example. If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely.

Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now, what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

Then, the answer is yes! He would be a bully. Because he would be using his size and height to intimidate you and he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you but no one else.

4. Stubbornness

For example, if I warned my next door neighbor that one of the tires on his car is low and he waved me away like shooing a fly. He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.

5. what Constitutes Bullying and what doesn’t:

Incivility and jerky behavior

For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road, I slam on my breaks and blare my horn at him and he flips me off.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t make him a bully. Does it, however, make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.

Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying Even if the argument is heated.

Only when one of the arguers resort to repeatedly (notice I said, repeatedly) calling their opponent names and shaming them because they don’t agree nor share their beliefs, and the harassment goes on for a long time, against the same opponent! That, my friends, is bullying!

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we MUST get clear on exactly what it is that constitutes bullying! Only then will we be able to apply it to those who are truly deserving of the label.

In Conclusion

Bullying has become a blanket term for many people to describe anyone who says, does, or believes anything they don’t find comfortable. This is wrong and must stop because not only will the terms bully and bullying lose their meanings, but bullies will only continue to fade into the crowd while innocent people end up with a label they don’t deserve stuck to them.

Moreover, the words bullying and bully are beginning to lose their meaning because people abuse and misuse the term today now more than ever.

Understand that people say things without thinking. Some say foolish stuff and others are quite distasteful with their words and actions. However, this doesn’t necessarily make them bullies. Jerks, yes. But not bullies. Bullying is abuse. Being a jerk, on the other hand, is just being foolish and not thinking.

This post is all about what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t so that you can better distinguish between bullying and AssHolery, stubbornness or debating.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

November 12, 2024November 24, 20244 Comments

If you have a soft spot for those who are bullied, you often ask yourself, “Who are usually the victims of bullying?” So, ‘want to know who they are. Here are the 11 characteristics of typical victims bullies like to target that you must become familiar with.

Many victims of bullying get blamed for altercations their bullies provoke because the perpetrators are experts at playing the victim and avoiding accountability. Therefore, it can be difficult for authority members to know which person is the bully and which is the target.

Who are usually the victims of bullying? This can be a tough one for superiors to figure out.

As someone who has dealt with these kinds of situations, I’m giving you all the characteristics of a typical target of bullying so that you will better be able to see through the bully’s facade and calmly call it out.

In this post, you will learn the thirteen traits of the marked person of bullying so that you will be more aware of how bullying effects you.

Once you learn about these victim features, you will be better able to report your bullies much more calmly and lessen your chances of taking the blame for their bad behavior.

This post is all about the traits of the typical victim of bullying so that you can have this information to show your superiors if ever you encounter bullies.

who are usually the victims of bullying?

When bystanders or authority witness bullying, it can be difficult for them to know which person is the bully and which is the target.

But why is this? Because most seasoned bullies are cunning, clever, and covert. In other words, not all bullies resort in physical violence.

Bruises, cuts, and broken bones are easy to see. Therefore, many bullies use psychological tactics and emotional manipulation to bully you.

Moreover, they may use psycho/emotional methods to set you up to either be physically attacked or to get into trouble with authority.

Remember that bullies have ways of slyly provoking you and setting you up to look like the aggressor.

bullies use gaslighting as a powerful tool.

Additionally, bullies have ways of gaslighting you and making you doubt your own sanity. They have a knack for manipulating your emotions and making you feel guilty for things you aren’t guilty of.

Moreover, these people also have ways of brainwashing you over time and turning you against yourself. They know how to make you feel as if you did something to justify their mistreatment and abuse.

As a result, you won’t know how to save yourself from those who unjustly accuse and label you. This is because you’ll have difficulty identifying and naming the tactics bullies use against you.

Therefore, you won’t know how to explain what is happening to you or report the bullying without sounding like you’re rambling.

The end result will be that your bullies and the circumstances they force on you will convince you and those in power that you are the culprit.

Moreover, if you happen to be the person who witnesses someone else being bullied, you’re likely to point a finger at the wrong person.

Therefore, here are the 11 traits victims of bullying share.

1. who are usually the victims of bullying? They’re the people with the least power.

Having the least amount of power automatically makes you an easy target. Why? Because the less power you have, the least likely you defend yourself. Bullies instinctively know this.

Moreover, powerlessness is sometime you can’t hide no matter how hard you try. Why? Because it will seep through in your body language and in the way you carry yourself.

And bullies are masters at reading people and can sniff out your weaknesses and low vibration. They’ll see you coming a mile away.

Understand that when bullies are like sharks that smell blood in the water. When they sense prey, they take full advantage.

2. those with the least social capital.

In other words, they’re very unpopular and have the least amount of friends, allies, and supporters. Why, because bullies tend to defame their victims to block their chances of getting support.

Moreover, having few people or no one behind you makes you easy prey for even more bullies to come for you. Understand that a pack of wolves always goes after that one elk that gets separated from the herd.

3. Victims of bullying tend to have the least influence.

It takes a confident person and yes, even an arrogant person to have influence. People with influence not only have better control over what happens to them but also may have control over what happens to others.

Most victims have no influence because they can’t seem to control what happens to them. If they did, they wouldn’t constantly have bullies on their tail.

4. Who are usually the victims of bullying? They’re the people that others like or love the least.

This goes back to victims of bullying having the least social capital. If you have few people or no one who loves or likes you, then you stand the least chance of getting help and support.

Therefore, this leaves you at the mercy of bullies.

Again, predators always go after the lone animal.

5. People others hate the most.

Those who hate you want you to suffer. Hate is an obsession. Moreover, bullies do have an obsession over their victims. However, being hated can cause big problems for you.

Why, because if most people already hate you, they’re most likely to join the bullies in tormenting you.

6. Victims are usually the person people can openly bully and abuse and get away with it.

Because most victims of bullying have the least power, social capital, and influence, bystanders will most likely refuse to help them when bullies come calling. Moreover, because they’re the most hated and least liked, bystanders are likely to team up with the bullies and join in the attacks.

Add all this up and school staff, company management, or even police probably won’t help the victim either.

If you fall into this category, I cannot stress enough the importance of being your own advocate. You may be afraid to open your mouth and yes, things may get worse for you if you do. However, if you don use your voice, things will get worse anyway.

7. Who are usually the victims of bullying? They’re usually those from abusive homes or who live in poverty.

Remember that abuse and bullying are one and the same. Bullying is abuse. Therefore, victims from abusive homes become objects of bullying because they’re already wounded.

Because they’re wounded, they automatically put out that bullied vibe through their energy and body language. Unfortunately, bullies are experts at reading people and can pick up on this very quickly.

As mentioned in earlier posts, bullies are like ravenous sharks that smell blood in the water or a pack of wolves that pick out the sickest member in a herd of deer.

Therefore, they select the already-abused victim to prey on.

Bullies will also select victims who live in poverty because of the clothes they wear or their hygiene. It’s not hard to ferret out indigence because it often shows through appearance and level of cleanliness.

Moreover, these victims will often feel insecure and have low self-esteem, giving out vibes and energy that match.

Money is power and lack of it spells powerlessness. Bullying is about power. Therefore, bullies will instantly sense these things and select these victim to harass and ridicule.

Lastly, people from abusive homes and the indigent are most likely to have low self-esteem. And those with low self-esteem are dead ringers for bullying because they’re least likely to fight back.

8. victims of bullying are usually those who are kindhearted.

Bullies automatically see kindness as weakness. Therefore, empaths and others who are sweet and kind become fair game.

Moreover, people who bully may be envious of the kindly victim’s qualities because they, themselves, lack them. So, bullies often bully the kindhearted out of jealousy.

And because the kindhearted tend to be well-loved by others, bullies also target them out of social envy.

9. Bullies also like to bully people with physical, mental, or intellectual disabilities.

Bullies are notorious for bullying anyone who is different and out of the ordinary. People with disabilities fit that bill in the eyes of many, sadly.

Moreover, cruel people often see disability as a weakness and this attracts bullies like a T-Rex to raw meat!

Here’s something else to be aware of. Because disabled people are likely to draw a monthly disability check, bullies will accuse them of fakery, laziness, and leaching on the taxpayer.

I can’t tell you the countless horror stories I’ve heard from SSDI recipients about the bullying and harassment they suffered and the same accusations their bullies hurled at them. And it’s heartbreaking!

10. Who are usually the victims of bullying? People with low self-esteem and introverts who are quiet.

Bullies can sniff out low self-esteem very quickly and from far off. In fact, they seem to have radars for it!

Low self-esteem is difficult to hide because it very subtly seeps out through your body language and your entire demeanor. Moreover, people with low self-esteem carry themselves complete different from those with healthy self-esteem.

They slouch when they sit or stand. Whereas, people with healthy self-esteem will hold their shoulders back and stand up straight.

Also those with low self-esteem tend to have downcast eyes and hold their heads down. On the other hand, confident people look up and ahead while holding their heads high and lengthening the neck.

Naturally, bullies take notice and, therefore, take full advantage!

On the other hand, bullies often select introverts who often have quiet confidence because they mistake their reserved nature for low self-esteem. This is why they often bullies get the shock of their lives when the quiet target defends themselves and ends up kicking a bully’s butt up between their shoulders.

Therefore, still waters run deep and bullies need to watch out when messing with the quiet ones. Because quiet people are unpredictable!

11. People who are exceptionally gifted and smart.

Bullies are jealous of anyone who is intelligent and gifted because they often receive recognition and accolades for those talents.

This threatens bullies’ power and status. Moreover, it delivers a huge blow to their overinflated egos. Why, because bullies have an obsessive need to be A-1 best at everything, all the time. Moreover, they crave attention and admiration and they don’t like to share it.

When some bright individual comes along and others see their talents and gifts, it automatically takes some of the favor and spotlight away from the bullies.

Therefore, is it any wonder bullies target these super-smart people to bully? Realize that having enemies doesn’t always mean that there’s something wrong with you. In most cases, it means there’s something right about you.

If you’re a target, you must find a way to report your bullies and better explain your situation. Documentation, using the 5W rule is the safest way of not only gathering your evidence, but also reporting the bullying.

This post answers the question, “Who are usually the victims of bullying?” Moreover, it covers all the characteristics of all types of victims to debunk any myths and give you clues as to why bullies bully you and ways you can Report it and use it to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

September 19, 2024September 18, 20241 Comment

‘Want to know the most common ways bullies in school tell off on themselves? Here are the statements they use to accidentally out themselves.

Bullies in school become emboldened once their bullying has gone unchecked for so long. However, give them enough rope that they will eventually catch themselves in it by the neck.

In this post, you will learn about the subtle ways these people unknowingly tell on themselves.

Once you learn about all the most common ways bullies in school rat themselves out, you will be better able to read between the lines and call them on it.

Moreover, you will more confidently expose your aggressors in front of everyone, including teachers and school staff.

This post is all about the many subtle ways bullies in school expose themselves and how you can spot it and expose it.

Bullies in School

Bullies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are such good actors, aren’t they? They’re good at flying under the radar and going undetected. Also, they’re experts at making themselves out to be better than they are.

Additionally, they’re also masters at making you look like the fool or the bad guy.

However, the good news is that sooner or later, people such as these usually wind up telling off on themselves somehow, someway.

And they do it without even realizing it until it’s too late and the cat’s already out of the bag. It happens all the time.

In other words bullies, especially those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, grew a little too confident.

They grow so sure of themselves. Therefore, bullies get too loud, too obnoxious, too flippant, and then, in the end, they royally screw up.

And…oops! They unintentionally out themselves!

5 Ways a Bully will tell off on themselves without knowing they’re doing it.

1. Bullies at School Brag on Themselves.

Bullies love to brag on themselves. They especially love to boast about the power they have over you. In fact, the words bully and boastful are all but synonymous.

Moreover, while they loudly shoot off their mouths, they don’t realize that a teacher or faculty member could be nearby and listening to every word.

Most victims and bystanders usually don’t report bullies because they fear retaliation. Therefore, when bullies finally get caught and get into trouble, it’s usually because the information came from the horse’s mouth.

For example, a female teacher inters the girls’ bathroom, where there’s a row of about twelve stalls. A group of bullies are huddled in the stall on the opposite end of the door, loudly boasting about beating you up the day before.

Or, maybe you enter the bathroom and hear them bragging. Also, you have a hidden recording device on you and record it. You take the evidence home later that afternoon and make copies to keep on separate flash drives.

Then, the next morning you take one of the copies to the principal.

2. They Accidentally Display the Evidence.

This has happened. Maybe the bully stole the locket your grandmother gave you for Christmas.

Moreover, she thinks she has you too afraid to report her. This girl also thinks that, if you did tell, no one will believe you.

Therefore, she becomes so bold that she wears it in front of you and everyone else. She wears your necklace in front of you to taunt you.

“Yeah! I got your necklace! I took it! I sure as shit did! What are you going to do about it!”

However, what she doesn’t yet know is that, on the back, is a tiny inscription of your name and the year Grandma gave it to you.

Therefore, you finally get fed up and report the theft to the principal. When Mr. Principal calls your bully into the office, your bully claims it as hers.

Finally, when you tell the principal about the inscription on the back and he asks to look at it, your bully is busted. As a result, she gets a two-week suspension and the principal give you your necklace.

Therefore, understand this. When bullies get so emboldened that they begin bullying you openly is the easiest time to expose them. It’s also the time when they’re most likely to make a mistake and expose themselves.

3. Bullies at School Get Tangled in their own web of lies.

There have been many cases where these people couldn’t remember all the lies they’d told. As a result, they didn’t know what present lie to tell to cover up all the past falsehoods.

Therefore, these bullies couldn’t keep their story straight and ended up in a pickle! I’ve seen it firsthand and I have to admit. It’s hilarious to watch!

Therefore, do your level best to find the holes in their story as your bullies talk. Then, be fearless. Call them out, preferably in front of a member of authority.

Do it as you hear it by repeating what they say and then calling out the discrepancies. I guarantee that this will expose your bullies while saving you from taking blame for their behavior.

4. They get too emotional (angry).

For example, another bully targets your bully and shoves them. They get into it. You bully shouts to the other bully, “Don’t you touch me, I’m not (your name).”

Maybe the other bully uses verbal bullying and your harasser shouts back, “Don’t you talk down to me! I ain’t (your name).

Therefore, here’s the subtext. Any time people make statements such as these, they are admitting that you’re the victim of bullying and not them.

Surprisingly, no one else is likely to pick up on it, not even any teachers present. However, if you read between the lines when you hear these statements, you will see the blatant tell-all.

In fact, it will be so obvious that it’s almost sickening when no one else seems to pick up on it. Also, you will be able to call it out right then and there.

Again, you must understand that the brazenness of bullies is shocking. They are so bold; they will either unwittingly or admittedly tell on themselves because they know (or think) that no one will hold them responsible or stand up for you if you are a target.

Therefore, you must pay attention and recognize when your bullies call themselves out. And when they do, don’t be afraid to jump on it and tell them a thing or two.

It could be as simple as saying, “So, you admit to being the bully?”, “Ha! You just proved yourself a liar!” Or, “Wow! You just told off on yourself, buddy!”

This lets your bullies know that you aren’t as clueless as they think and that you caught it. Moreover, you send the message that you’re not too timid to hit them back with it.

So, be fearless and call them on it, the consequences be damned!

5. Bullies at School Go Too Far.

In other words, they take their violence too far and someone, sadly you, gets hurt bad enough to need medical attention. This mostly goes for physical bullies.

Therefore, in no way am I saying that you should put yourself in harm’s way, thinking that the bullies will expose themselves. If your bully gets physical, you are well within your rights to defend yourself and I recommend that you do.

Go the old school route and put up your dukes. Moreover, when you do, be sure to give that bully such a beating that he will regret the day he ever set his sights on you.

However, the point is that, yes, bullies do expose themselves by going too far with their physical acts.

Understand that bullying always escalates if no one holds the bullies accountable and they aren’t punished for it. Put another way, verbal bullying becomes physical and covert harassment eventually becomes overt.

Therefore, call the bully out. It’s as simple as telling them to leave you alone, or saying, “Stop bothering me.” Calling it out this way will get the attention of others around you.

In Conclusion

Bullies do escape accountability a lot of the time. However, the fun doesn’t last forever. Because, in the long run, bullies get cocky, then they make foolish mistakes.

I’ve known many a bully who got so sure of themselves that they started flubbing up. As a result, they ended up really stepping in it.

It’s how many of the most seasoned bullies end up being suspended, expelled, fired, or losing their entire academic or employment career.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to call them out. You can expose your bullies even more than they already expose themselves. Moreover, you can do it by calling out subtexts and pointing them out to others when the bully subtly admits their wrongdoing.

It just might turn on a few light bulbs in people’s heads.

This post was all about school bullies and how easily they unknowingly tell on themselves. Moreover, it was also about how you can spot their mistakes and point them out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

2. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know