‘Want to know about seeking validation and why it only worsens bullying. Here are all the details you need to know.
Sadly, many targets of bullying seek validation from others. Often, the people they seek it from are mostly those who could absolutely care less about them. Even worse, those they seek approval from are bullies – people who have absolutely zero respect for them.
It’s pretty counterproductive. Don’t you think?
Therefore, in this post, you will learn about seeking validation and why you shouldn’t do it.
Once you learn all about this essential information, you’ll want to avoid such behavior and begin treating yourself with respect.
This post is all about seeking validation, how you can change this behavior, and why you should change it.
Seeking Validation
Most victims of bullying are lonely and others reject them all the time. Therefore, they tend to crawl behind people. Even worse, they crawl behind those who don’t give a damn about them.
Why? Because they have such low self-esteem that they’re willing to trade their pride and self-respect for just a tiny morsel of acceptance.
In other words, they simp for approval! Ewww!
Therefore, if you are a target of bullying and this applies to you, ask yourself these questions aloud:
- If these people never gave a hoot about me or my life to begin with, then who are they that I should seek approval from?
- Who are they that I must impress?
- Are they really so important that I should pretend to be someone I’m not?
- Who are they that I have to lie?
- Who are they that I must expend so much of my effort and energy for?
- Are these creeps people I should chase and crawl up behind?
- Who are they that I should beg?
Never Give Anyone Value They Haven’t Earned
Notice those last two questions and the words “chase,” “crawl up behind,” and “beg.” They will immediately jump out at you and may even make you angry.
And you know what? They should. Remember that you’re seeking their approval. Therefore, those three things are basically what you’re doing.
Therefore, never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.
If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself to gain validation from another person, you short change yourself. Realize that a bully will never add value or benefit to your life.
Therefore, they haven’t earned the honor and privilege of being in your life. They don’t even deserve to be in your presence.
When you submit to and follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards.
Seeking Validation:
You Don’t Need the Approval of Anyone Who Isn’t Worthy
Stop busting your butt to gain other people’s approval because their approval isn’t needed. Therefore, their opinions need not apply.
If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules on you, you have a right to tell that person to go to hell. In other words, if the person isn’t a parent or well-meaning teacher or supervisor, tell them to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wormed and wiggled their way from beneath.
You have an obligation to yourself not to give them your power. And that’s exactly what you’re giving them when you seek approval from them.
You give them control over your life! That’s something they have no right to. Your power is yours and yours alone.
But once you take back your power by refusing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.
Life begins when you stop caring what people think and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!
Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?
Too many victims think that sucking up will win them Validation.
Too many targets are bullied for so long they begin to look for any crumb of validation they can find. They think that somehow, kissing up will win them friends and allies.
However, it only does the opposite. It only brings them more bullying and ridicule. It attracts even more users and abusers into their lives.
Seeking Validation:
What else happens when you seek Validation?
1. You lose your freedom and autonomy.
You stop being yourself and doing what you want to do. Why? Because you become a slave to the thoughts and opinions of others.
In a nutshell, you give away your personal power
2. You lose sight of your goals and aspirations.
Why? Because you replace them with goals of being liked, approved of, and favored by others.
And there’s no guarantee that they’ll approval of you. You can’t control the thoughts, opinions, actions, or words of other people.
You are the only person in the entire world that you can control. This is why it’s important that you keep your focus on you. You are your only guarantee.
At the end of the day, all you have is you.
3. You stop being creative.
In that, you only become a carbon copy of someone else. You imitate their style, and their way of thinking and doing things.
Moreover, when you do this, your creativity suffers. It’s much better to be original!
4. Seeking Validation:
You copy others.
In other words, you give up the ability to think for yourself. Instead of having opinions of your own, you conform to the opinions and beliefs that are most popular.
You say what others want to hear and do what others want you to do. Also, you do things how they want you to do them. In short, you allow yourself to be programmed and become a robot!
Understand that not everyone will like you or support you. Moreover, not everyone will want the best for you. Some may, in fact, hate you and judge you harshly.
When you seek validation and approval, you only look for others’ permission. This will leave you feeling controlled and imprisoned. Even worse, it’ll also erode your self-esteem.
Each time you engage in approval-seeking behavior, you lose tiny pieces of yourself until you completely forget who you are.
So, how does approval seeking exacerbate bullying? It does so in 5 ways.
5. IT reduces your value.
People are more likely to bully you if they don’t think you have much value. Approval seeking only reduces your value in the eyes of everyone else.
Why? Because it makes you look desperate. When you seek approval, you’ll do self-demeaning things out of desperation.
You’ll crawl behind people who don’t value you. You’ll make yourself too available. And you’ll people-please and put up with crappy treatment.
Therefore, you’ll take away from your own value as a human being.
6. Seeking Validation:
You end up looking pathetic.
Approval seeking behavior isn’t a good look on anyone. When you’re constantly trying to prove your worth to people, you don’t attract them. You only repulse and repel them.
7. People Lose respect For you.
It’s hard to have respect for anyone who has to beg for acceptance. It’s just a part of human nature. No one respects anyone who begs.
However, when you finally come to a place where you don’t care either way, people will naturally gravitate toward you.
8. You attract users and abusers
People who seek validation and approval are more vulnerable to bullying. In fact, if you have low self-esteem and are constantly looking for validation, you will attract human predators.
Why? Because you will be more likely to do anything for approval. Therefore, you’ll be easy to use and abuse.
Now, do you see why looking for validation is such a no no?
9. Seeking Validation:
Others won’t like you, they’ll only pity you.
There’s a difference between pity and empathy. Empathy is more positive. It’s when you feel the person’s pain and wish you could help them.
On the other hand, there’s a degree of arrogance behind pity. When you pity someone, you don’t care about the other person’s pain and have no desire to help them. You’re just glad as hell that you aren’t in their situation.
In fact, you’re probably glad that you aren’t them. Period! And you want to distance yourself from the person and whatever they’re dealing with.
It’s better to be hated than pitied. Why? Because there’s still a degree of dignity in being hated.
So, how do you break this nasty habit?
1. You start by accepting and loving yourself.
This means accepting all parts of yourself- the good, the bad, and the ugly!
2. Count all the qualities of yourself that you’re proud of.
Everyone has great qualities. Find yours, and list them.
3. Seeking Validation:
Ditch and Switch.
Walk away from negative people who make you feel bad about yourself. And don’t look back! Rid yourself of the haters and naysayers.
Replace them with people who love you and who want nothing but your best. Seek people who lift you up and those you feel safe around.
Ditch those who bellyache and blame others for their misfortunes. And switch to happy people who take responsibility for their lives.
No one wants a copy. They want an original!
You might get a lot of push-back at first. Many people become threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Moreover, they may give you tons of grief for it.
However, they only do it because they were benefiting from the old you. There were advantages that came with the you who sought approval. And they don’t want to lose the benefits.
We live in a world full of copies. In other words, most people only conform and seek approval themselves. So, it’s only natural that they lash out at you.
Therefore, embrace the push-back. Keep doing what’s right for you and to hell with what others think!
Only you know what’s right for you. No one else does! So, stop seeking validation. Let go of the need for approval.
I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!
This post was all about seeking validation so that you can recognize the behavior in yourself and make the needed changes.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying
2. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of